Celestia's Scam

by Charliebbarkin

Rating: everyone
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Fluttershy, Random, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 3079

Being Celestia's student should have been an honor, but it quickly becomes a nightmare as Twilight faces a crushing student loan bill. She's not the only one! Will Twilight's friends help out, or will she have to resort to crime to pay

Twilight had been so excited upon being accepted as Celestia's personal apprentice. Little did Twilight know that she would be one of many to be saddled with crippling student loan debt. Will Twilight's friends be able to help her, or would she have to get creative to solve her problem?

Author's note: Out of all my stories, this is my least favorite one. This is not in the same universe as my other stories.

Published 2014-02-15 04:10:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-15 04:10:05 UTC

Chapter 1

It was another sunny, stressful day for Twilight as she paced across the library floor. Spike looked on from the floor above. He had noticed that Twilight had been acting more and more anxious these last few weeks. Even though he always got the same response every time he asked, he figured there was no harm in asking again. “Twilight, why are you pacing like that? What’s wrong?”

Twilight stopped in her tracks and looked up at Spike with an annoyed face. “Like I keep telling you Spike, it’s none of your business. Just…go back to bed or something.” Twilight’s privacy was not her concern, she just never really liked talking to spike.

“But it’s almost noon!” Spike suddenly belched a magic scroll that was surely from Princess Celestia.

Twilight snatched the scroll and brought it down to her quickly. “Oh no, not another one…” Weeks ago, she used to be excited about receiving these letters, but recently, she started to dread them. With teeth clenched, she unsealed and unrolled the scroll.

“To my most faithful student, or whomever this may concern. Your student loan payment is now 120 days overdue. Please provide a minimum payment of 542 bits via mail, or princess provided servant dragon. If you fail to provide payment within (30) days, you will be expelled and stripped of your title PRINCESS CELESTIA’S PERSONAL PROTÉGÉ. This is your third and final warning.”

Twilight read the letter which was very much identical to her previous letters. The minimum payment wasn’t an extreme amount of money, but for someone who had no job, it would be difficult to scrape that much together within the next thirty days. Twilight recounted the day she got her cutie mark and became Princess Celestia’s personal protégé. Little did she know, Celestia had dozens, maybe hundreds of ‘personal protégés’ scattered all throughout Equestria in abandoned buildings much like Twilight’s abandoned library. Each one of Celestia’s students was saddled with a crushing amount of student loan debt. It was no wonder how she could afford such a gleaming castle filled with guards, stained glass art and sculptures, all the while, keeping the tax rate low.

Luckily for Twilight, at least she didn’t have to pay any rent. Due to a clerical oversight, the library which should have been shuttered due to low attendance years ago remained funded. Twilight knew that as long as there was never an audit of Ponyville’s finances, she would have a place to call home. But she still had to figure out a way to scrounge up some money to pay her student loan. “Maybe Rarity could help me out a little,” Twilight thought to herself. Twilight left the library and travelled to Rarity’s boutique.

Twilight had always preferred going to Rarity for help since her door was never locked during business hours. The pressure of knocking on someone’s door and not knowing if the occupant would answer or not was way too much for Twilight to take. Twilight walked into the boutique and Rarity turned around to see who it was. “Twilight! Darling! I’m so glad to see you!”

“Hi Rarity. How’s everything going?”

“How is everything going? Fine, just fine. Everything is fine, darling.” Twilight could tell Rarity was holding back on something. All of the sudden, the lights in the boutique shut off. The room was still semi-lit by the sun through the windows. The two ponies stared at each other for a few moments.

“Actually, things aren’t going to well, Twilight. I was wondering...Oh dear, I’m not sure how to ask this…would you mind terribly if you could maybe repay me some of the money you owe me?”

Twilight wasn’t sure what the best way to respond was. “Umm…actually, I don’t have any money at the moment. I came by today to ask if you could lend me some more money this month.”

Rarity gasped, and was visibly angry. “Twilight. I have already lent you far too much money. Just because I am the element of generosity does not mean you should take such advantage of me. You’ve already borrowed everything I have, I’m barely scrapping by, here. Why don’t you go bother Rainbow Dash? She’s the element of Loyalty, go take advantage of her instead of me from now on!” Rarity gestured toward the door with her front left leg. Twilight knew there was no use in arguing, so she complied with Rarity’s wishes and left the shop. Besides, it had been a while since Twilight had taken advantage of Rainbow Dash.

Twilight walked over to the general vicinity where Rainbow Dash’s house usually is. It always annoyed Twilight that she always had to do a search for Rainbow Dash’s house. Finally, she spotted it and walked over. Twilight started yelling, “Rainbow Dash, are you there?” There was no response. “Ugh, she’s probably sleeping,” Twilight though to herself.

Determined, Twilight started levitating small rocks, and used her magic to toss them into the house. Fortunately, all the rocks passed right through the walls. One of the lucky rocks landed right into Rainbow Dash’s mouth and lodged itself into her through. Twilight could hear Rainbow dash choking and gasping for breath. “Finally.” Twilight uttered to herself. “Rainbow Dash, are you up there? Come down here, I need to talk to you!” Twilight yelled.

After a few moments of coughing, the rock finally became dislodged. Rainbow panted heavily trying to catch her breath, and only then could she hear a faint voice calling her name. “Huh?” Rainbow opened her front door, looked down, and saw Twilight. Rainbow flew down to Twilight.

“Twilight, what gives? Do I throw rocks are you when you’re sleeping?”

“At least I didn’t fly through your wall and crash into you,” Twilight retorted. “Anyway, that isn’t important right now. Listen, would it be okay if I could borrow some money? I’m in a bit of a spot right now.”

Rainbow was surprised hearing that request. How could this mare from a wealthy Canterlot family be having money troubles? “Twilight, why can’t you just ask your brother or something?”

“I don’t think so, Rainbow. Ever since that wedding, we haven’t been as close anymore. Cadence won’t even let me talk to him anymore, especially after mom and dad died. I wasn’t even included in the will, and I’m sure Cadence is behind it. It’s like he married a total changeling or something.”

Rainbow didn’t mean to bring up the ever-touchy subject to Twilight. She was actually a bit tired of listening to Twilight complain about her sister in law. “Alright, alright. Well, you see…” Rainbow started scratching the back of her head. “I don’t really have any money at the moment. I have to put pretty much all my income towards paying back my loans.”

“Loans? For what?!? Don’t tell me clouds have mortgages or something…”

“Look, why don’t you go bother Rarity? It’s so easy to get money and gems from her, it’s like taking candy from a foal! Just last year, I had her make me like, ten dresses, and I just sell them at a pawn shop in Cloudsdale. As long as they’re in the clouds, she’ll never know!”

“I already tried getting money from Rarity today, but she said I had borrowed too much already…” Twilight replied.

Rainbow responded without missing a beat. “Then go bug Fluttershy. She’s so easy to pushover. Just last week, I asked her to give me a pet and she did! Then I sold it to”

Twilight interrupted Rainbow, clearly not interested in continuing the conversation if it wasn’t going to end with her getting some bits. “Fine.” Twilight angrily said.

She started walking towards Fluttershy’s cottage while Rainbow stayed in place. When Twilight was starting to get distant, Rainbow shouted, “Wait! You didn’t let me finish!”

Twilight knocked on Fluttershy’s door. In a few moments, Fluttershy’s door opened. “Oh, hi Twilight! Would you like to come in?”
That was the one question Twilight didn’t want to hear. “Fine…” Twilight grudged, and walked into Fluttershy’s house. The stench of animal hit Twilight’s muzzle like a train. The two of them sat down on a couch with a coffee table in front of it.

“So what brings you by, today?”

Twilight replied, “Well, I was wondering if I could borrow some bits. I’m in a bit of financial trouble, and I really need it.”

Fluttershy frowned. Being the element of kindness, she really did want to help Twilight, but she couldn’t. “Oh my. I’m so sorry Twilight, I’m not sure I can help you. I don’t really have any money at the moment. I can’t even afford to buy proper food to all my animals. I’ve even started feeding Angel bunny with chicken feed.”

Twilight and Fluttershy were startled by the sound of a broken lamp. Angel bunny was standing aside the shattered glass, stamping his right food angrily. It was only now that Twilight noticed Fluttershy’s cottage was in complete disarray, surely the result of a temperamental bunny.

“He….hasn’t gotten used to it yet.” Fluttershy said while smiling. While Twilight was surveying her surroundings, she noticed an open scroll on Twilight’s table. Twilight rarely cared is something was any of her business or not. If it had letters, she wanted to read it and Twilight knew that Fluttershy wouldn’t stop her. Twilight levitated the scroll in front of her so she could read it.

“To my most faithful element of harmony, or whomever this may concern. Your student loan payment is now 90 days overdue. Please provide a minimum payment of 680 bits via mail, or in person at the royal payment center. If you fail to provide payment within (60) days, you will be stripped of your title ELEMENT OF KINDNESS and summoned to the Royal Debtor’s Court.”

Twilight was completely shocked. Had all of her friends been roped in the sort of scam she was roped into? All sorts of thoughts raced into Twilights head. Were there hundreds of ‘elements of harmony’ scattered all throughout Equestria? Groups of unlucky ponies randomly selected to ‘become an element’ and be forced to pay an enormous amount of money to the Princess? Was the Nightmare Moon to Luna transformation just a theatrical show designed to trick her and her newly made friends? Everything started to make sense to Twilight. But it didn’t matter, she had invested far too much of her time and life into her studies, even if it was all a sham to begin with.

Fluttershy noticed Twilight’s face was frozen for several minutes. After thinking it was funny for a little while, Fluttershy decided to wake twilight from her blank stare by waving her hoof in front of Twilight’s face. The last thing Fluttershy wanted was to be held legally liable for another pony falling ill in her home. The county had already warned her about the biohazards strewn throughout her cottage. After shaking Twilight lightly, Twilight finally snapped out of her stupor.

“Oh Fluttershy, what are we going to do! Quick, who has the most money in this town?”

Fluttershy thought for a moment. “Well, I guess that would be Filthy Rich, why?”

“We need to see if there’s anything we can do to get his money. And if he doesn’t have any tasks we can do, then we just need to take it. It’s the only way out, don’t you see?”

Fluttershy sighed. “Sorry Twilight. I’d help if I could, but I’m not sure I’m strong enough to hold someone down. Maybe you could ask Applejack to help?”

Twilight was starting to get weary of her busy day. She snapped at Fluttershy. “Why do you have to be so useless all the time!”
Fluttershy shirked back, and frowned. Fluttershy knew Twilight didn’t really like her, but Twilight had gone a bit too far with that remark. Twilight realized she shouldn’t have barked at Fluttershy in the way she did. She should have probably phrased it to be slightly less nasty, but not too much less. “Sorry Fluttershy, I didn’t mean that, really.”

“No, it’s okay. I am useless most of the time…” Fluttershy said sadly. With that, Twilight left Fluttershy’s cottage and started walking towards Sweet Apple Acres. Twilight approached the crest of the hill which the dirt road was on, revealing a picturesque scene of the apple orchard. Unfortunately, the view of the farm was always accompanied with the stench of fertilizer. Walking to the farm always reminded Twilight of the one thing she missed dearly about Canterlot. Unlike Ponyville, the streets didn’t stink of manure. Twilight dreamed of one day going back to visit Canterlot, but that was impossible. Cadence had pulled some strings and put Twilight on the no-train list. Sure, she could maybe write a letter asking Celestia to remove her from the list, but Twilight already knew that Celestia would just demand money Twilight didn’t have.

The smell was almost too much for Twilight, especially after already spending an agonizing twenty minutes in the gas chamber that is Fluttershy’s house. Twilight decided to just breathe through her mouth, and trotted over to Applejack, who was bucking trees like usual.
“Oh, heya Twi. Wasn’t expecting you here today.” Applejack noticed that Twilight wasn’t in the best of moods. “Anything I can help ya with?”

“Hi AJ. Yes, actually. Could you get your rope and your saddlebag?”

“Well, sure, I guess. But whatever for?” Applejack inquired.

“Just get it, okay? We’re going for an adventure.”

Applejack was already weary of whatever it was Twilight wanted her to do. But she knew from experience that there was no point of arguing with Twilight, since she would just stand there until you did whatever she wanted. “Fine. I’ll be back in before you can say…”

Twilights frown quickly intensified and Applejack took that as a queue to fetch the rope and saddlebag instead of finishing her sentence. In a few minutes, she reappeared equipped, and ready to go as Twilight demanded. “So, where are we off to, anyway?”

Twilight replied, “Filthy Rich’s house. We’re going to see if he has anything we can help him with for bits, and if he refuses, you can tie him up while I take some jewelry to sell later.”

“Ah dunno, Twi. Aren’t we both still on parole from that other little stunt you had me do?”

“Well, do you want to go to debtor’s jail?” Twilight quickly snapped back.

“No. Wait! How’d you know I was having financial trouble?” Applejack wondered.

“Nevermind. We’re here.” The two ponies were standing on the doorstep of Filthy Riches house. If there were two words to describe it, it would certainly be filthy rich. Twilight knocked on the door three times. After waiting all of 5 seconds, she started knocking louder and louder. Finally, Filthy answered the door.

“Yes?”

“Hello Mr. Rich. We were wondering if there were any tasks we could maybe help you out with. You see, we both really need money to avoid being sent to debtors court.”

“Hmm…I’m not sure if there’s anything I really need help with.”

Twilight replied, “Look, I’m Princess Celestia’s personal protégé. There must be something I can do!”

“Do you have any idea how many of Princess Celestia’s personal protégés come to my door begging for money or work? A lot. But actually…could you maybe tutor my daughter, Diamond Tiara for me? I would teach her myself, but I’d rather keep my distance. I’ll pay 7.25 bits per hour.”

Twilight frowned, hoping it would pay ten times that. Applejack on the other hand, had an expression of glee, since it was ten times more than she’s usually paid on her own family farm. “Applejack…get your rope.” Twilight’s horn lit up, and she levitated Filthy so that Applejack could rope him up easier.

“Twi! You let him down this instant! Ain’t no sport if he can try an’ run away!”

Twilight decided to let applejack have her fun, and released filthy from her levitation spell. Filthy bolted through his expansive living room while Applejack chased after him. In no time at all, Filthy was hog tied, and his muzzle was roped shut. Meanwhile, Twilight made a dash for the bedroom where all the jewelry boxes would surely be kept. After a few moments, she came back levitating enough jewelry to sell and pay her student loan bill for the next month or two. Twilight levitated the jewelry into Applejack’s saddlebag since she failed to bring her own.

“Okay, AJ. I got what we need, let’s get out of here, I got what we came here for.”

Applejack looked down towards Filthy. “What about Filthy, Twi? We can’t just leave him tied up, can we?

Twilight raised an eyebrow wondering if Applejack was serious. “Of course we can. He’s not going to tell anyone we were here, now WILL he?” Twilight looked down menacingly to the tied up pony. Filthy nodded in quickly but with a limited range of notion, indicating he wouldn’t rat Twilight and her friend out.

Twilight and Applejack both left the house and were walking down the dirt road back to Ponyville. The mood of the two ponies had been exuberant, and both of them laughed and joked about their haul, and Mr. Rich.

“Well, Twi…We sure did take in a nice haul, didn’t we!”

Twilight was offended. “We? What do you mean? You were just helping me get some jewelry so I could pay a loan payment of two.”
Applejack should’ve known this was coming, but she was optimistic that Twilight would let her keep at least some of the loot this time. “Well, um, I just thought maybe, well, maybe we could share the jewelry. I mean, I keep helping you rob people, and I haven’t exactly been compensated yet…”

Twilight was angry Applejack would even consider asking for a share of Twilight’s loot. Twilight’s horn glew brightly, and in a moment, Applejack found herself high up in a tree alongside the road they were walking on.

“Ahhhh!” cried Applejack as she grabbed a thick branch tightly so avoid falling out of the tree. “Twilight, you get me down from here RIGHT now!”

Twilight and AJ looked at each other for almost ten seconds. They both knew that wasn’t about to happen. Twilight picked up the saddle bag which wasn’t teleported along with Applejack, then started walking on the dirt road back to Ponyville. Twilight was saved for another few months.