The Most Amazing Story Ever
Twilight Sparkle sat in her room reading,'Having Fun In Ten Easy Steps', when Spike suddenly shoved his spiky dragon tail up her ass. "Spike!" She screamed as he twisted and turned the tail, ripping Twilight's lower intestines, making her bleed profusely. Spike smiled and left the room like a boss, and whistled the main theme like practically every tune in the show does. Twilight shrugged and continued to read her book. Following one of the instructions in her book, she stood on her hind legs, crouching her flank in such a way she could have the freedom to shake. She rose her hooves up to her middle and began to move her ass back and forth with incredible speed. She was surprised at the way it felt, and at how it stopped the bleeding in her anus. It was if the whole world was new. This "twerking" was a powerful magic that she was proud to know, and at some crazy party thrown by Pinkie, to show.
As the Sparkle did he new magic, Rainbow Dash walks out of a cider cellar, reeling pickled and ready to fly home, when she runs into Twilight's tree house. "Hello? who's there?" Twilight said. Rainbow waltzed drunkenly into the tree and says, "Hey bitch, go make me a sandwich." Following Rainbow's slurred request, she soon brought out a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, that was so perfectly made, it had a holy glow. All the sudden, as the woozy rainbow maned pony took a huge bite out of her sandwich, Molestia burst through the roof, landing on Twilight, killing her instantly. "Holey schiiiiit." Rainbow muttered with a mouth full of sandwich. Molestia turned around, staring at the pegasus with small irises and an ominous smile. Rainbow fell to the ground, her hooves open. In a flash, Rainbow was pregnant and Molestia was gone.
At the same time Rainbow was impregnated, Fluttershy was at her cottage prancing about all sexy like. She skyrocketed with her super muscular wings into the sky screaming for her epic woodland creatures. "HEY YOU ASSHOLES, COME HERE!!!!!!" She screamed while maintaining her amazingly muscular, but shy, appearance. They all came running, transforming into wicked badass Pokemon, and sprouting wings to fly to their dark master. "TO THE CLOUDS! WE ATTACK TODAY!!!!" They all flew into Cloudsdale, screeching all the while. Each of the crazy epic animals took a scoop of rainbows, firing rainbow lasers right into the Griffin Village. The griffons had no choice but to surrender to the badassity that was the cute but iron hooved Fluttershy! And forever became known as the, um, givins. Yeah. Givins. Anyways.....
While the fluttering Flutters conquered the Givins, with badassity I might add, Rarity was doing something a little differently. "Are ya sure ya can do this?" Applejack asked the frufru mare. "Oh please, I can do this in my sleep." Rarity jumped into the pond, hunting for her alligator. She spies one and disrespects it's mother. "Hey long nose, your mother's a dirty, filthy, rotten skank!" She yelled, pissing the alligator off. It swam towards the unicorn, flinging shit at her. Shit clumps filled her mane, but Rarity doesn't care. As the ugly beast swims towards Rarity, it opens it's huge jaws, throwing up on her. Unfazed Rarity picks up speed towards the giant green beast, her horn elongating all the while. Soon it became the most epic, most badass sword ever known to pony kind...Excaliber. She ripped through the creature, quick enough for it to live and see it's dirty, now pond-filled, organs. Both halves of the scaly monster stared at her, eyes half open. Rarity wiped the candy colored blood off her face, her horn going back to it's normal form. It was time to make some fucking awesome dresses for her stupid ass hick friends.
At the point where Rarity finished her slay, Applejack was on her way to the barn. As she made her way, she began to frolic, making sure nopony was around to watch. As she reached the barn, she nodded to Big Mac who was currently raping the whole CMC, and stepped inside. She found her secret door as fast as ever, and snuck quietly into her shed. She sighed a gasp of relief to see all her pony dolls and fru fru clothing was still in tact. She put on her most favorite dress, a frilly mess that she claimed to hate, whirling and twirling with her favorite pony puff doll, Apple Buck. After all the dancing was out, she ran over to her bed, ready for her favorite thing. She lay seducingly, pulling a lever to reveal a tied up and gagged Diamond Tiara. The pink filly was dressed in a role-play cat outfit, her eyes pleading for mercy. "Time's up there, little Tiara." Applejack said, smiling. Applejack always loved to see the pleading face of all the fillies she brutally sexualised then ate. When the job was finally done, Applejack yelled to her big brother,"Big Mac, could ya send Twist in?" A low, 'Eeeyup' could then be heard.
And while Applejack was doing what Applejack, was, um, doing.... PINKIE-PIE-WAS-BOUNCING-OFF-THE-FRIKIN'-WALLS-WITH-HER-NEW-STASH-OF-COCAINE-AND-IT'S-SO-FUCKING-EXCITING-IT-HURTS-AND-STUFF-AND-WHAT'S-THAT?-OH-MY-GOD,-IT'S-A-CAT!-WAIT-WHERE'S-GUMMY?-OH-SHIT-I-ATE-HIM-HI-MISTER-AND-MISSUS-CAKE!-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-GUYS-GUESS-WHAT?-PENIS-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!-OH-MY-GOD-A-MOUNTAIN-OF-CANDY! The explosion could be heard from Canterlot. Pinkie will not be missed.
That's the end of my story. Fuck you, fuck me, and thanks for reading this steaming pile of horse shit.
WARNING: NO CUTE LITTLE WOODLAND CREATURES WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS STORY. EXEPT THE ALLIGATOR KNOWN AS MISTER CROCODILE WHO WAS GIVING A MEMORIAL SERVICE IN THE HOME OF FLUTTERSHY BUTTERFLY THIS AFTERNOON. ALSO, THE PONIES KNOWN AS PINKAMINA DIANE PIE, TWILIGHT SPARKLE, SCOOTALOO, SWEETIE BELLE, APPLE BLOOM, AND DIAMOND TIARA ARE NO LONGER WITH US. MAY TWILIGHT SPARKLE, SCOOTALOO, APPLE BLOOM, AND SWEETIE BELLE REST IN PEACE.
