The Tales of Black Toast and White Grain and their misadventures in Equestria

by BlackToast

Rating: mature
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Original Character, Comedy, Big Macintosh, Random, Adventure, Discord, Sex
Length: 4992

What happens when a brony and a non brony enter the world of Equestria? I dont know but find out in this tale of chaos

Its different, Its hard to explain what a good idea of this story is the best idea of it is that its different. Though the basic premise is two humans enter equestria and are drafted by discord , also keep in mind this was before Celestia got the Mane 6 to free discord, and the two ponies are sent to cause chaos and free discord through that chaos.

Published 2014-02-15 21:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-15 21:20:03 UTC

Prologues

Prologue the story of Caleb

Caleb was well… a teenager. He had a good life, nothing bad really happened. He had a mother that loved him and cared for him. Why am I telling you this? I don’t know, but the next part fits in the story. Well, as his life was good, Caleb craved chaos. Any type of it, for that matter just so life wasn’t a bore. He would inflict things onto himself, knowing it would cause problems just to get a thrill out of life. He was a shy person, but none the less he was manipulative of his surroundings, which eventually lead him to be a brony, how being chaotic made him a brony some may ask….we don't know just roll with it and While being a brony isn’t a bad thing this one thing lead to another thing, and another thing, and another thing until finally he was roleplaying as an earth pony named Black Toast who was a little different. I mean different in that he could find love. I mean he actually had 3 mares, but the problem is, he wanted more. The wanting never stopped, and was out of control, until finally, “boom” the ban hammer came down and Caleb was abandoned. Cast out, lost, and defeated… except not. He wasn’t really, he just sat by his computer and laughed, ready to troll another chat (although for the record, I’m not that much of a dick).

This is why Discord chose him (Discord was his favorite character). He had much skill at causing chaos for his own enjoyment, and even if it was self-inflicted it was still chaos, and what isn’t to like about it he thought. Now, yes discord was a statue, but he still had a little power, and was able to make Caleb appear right in front him fully clothed and dressed for success. Caleb stood up immediately and said, “I was picked to come here and cause a large amount of chaos on Ponyville right?”

Discord then broke his head out of the statue and said “was it that obvious?”

Caleb simply nodded and said “I will only do this if I get one of my friends from earth to join me.” Discord sighed dramatically, and agreed. Caleb laughed and said “Greg should get a kick out of this.”

Prologue part 2 the story of Greg

Now Greg… Greg was, well bizarre. He easily seemed like the most disturbed person ever born. Now, while he seemed to be a one trick “pony”, he was deeper than the ‘your mother last night’ jokes or, the at least I have one, jokes would indicate. He was not, to the normal eye, deeper in the sense that he had gain a lot of life experience, and tries to be reasonable but can be quite a dick sometimes (insert a joke about how at least he has one), but he usually only liked that to people he really doesn’t like. Now, Caleb had some skill at getting people to admit things to him, and be able to read them like a book. With that ability in mind, he became great friends with Greg. Now Greg wasn’t a great fan of MLP:FIM. His native bizarre fandom was Warhammer 4ok On the occasion, he looked at a parody, but that was all (sad I know). So Caleb, being the great friend he was, decided to bring Greg into the world of Equestria with him just to cause some chaos. By the time Greg finally was through the portal, Caleb was already transformed into the pony version of himself. As was Greg. As soon as Greg was completely through the portal he looked at Caleb. Then he looked at himself. A scream tore through the air. “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-“

Ch.2 An unspectacular greeting

Chapter 2: An unspectacular greeting.

It was early morning when they arrived in Ponyville. Of course Grain was still questioning his perception of reality while Toast being the brony in the group, he was smiling widely, after a few minutes Grain started to reconcile his classical view of chaos and the deities thereof with having just met a God of Chaos of a pantheon mostly alien to his perceptions.

“So. This is the My Little Pony setting? Right?” Grain shakily asked.

“Well, we just met Discord, and we’re both ponies, so either that or we’re taking some really damn good drugs,” replied Toast.

“Okay. So. Functionally, I am a magical unicorn,” Grain continued,

“I wouldn’t say that until I saw you use magic, but yeah, probably,” Toast replied.

Taking a deep breath, Grain said, “So how would go about using magic?”

Thinking for a moment, Toast replied, “I always thought it was a focus thing, you know, focus on picking that pebble there up.”

Trying to apply this advice, Grain focused all his confusion at being a pony to pick up a pebble. It stayed shakily in the air for a few seconds, after which it stabilized. On the ground.

“How much did it take out of you to drop a pebble?” Toast snarked.

“Not much. It formed good practice. Let’s try that again, IN THE NAME OF TZEENTCH!”

Trying again, he held it in the air for a while longer before tossing it into the sky at high speed. It went through a curiously low hanging cloud, before dropping off at an odd angle, almost as if it had hit something. The first thing that hit Grain was a hoof in the face. Then the sonic boom sent him even farther, and then finally the ground hit him.

Toast, on the other hand, was having the time of his life. He had just seen a sonic rainboom impact a unicorn in the face. And then the creator of that boom gazed down on him, murder in her eyes over having been woken up at oh god o’clock.

“Okay, who’s the jerk who woke me up this early?!” The sky blue pony yelled in a commanding tone at the only pony still conscious.

Toast pointed at the heap that was Grain.

Calming down so as to not wake anypony else, the sky blue pony asked Toast, “Okay. Who are you guys, and why did she wake me up this early?” Anger was still evident in her voice, but it was more controlled than her prior state of MAIM MURDER MASSACARE.

Toast, now less ecstatic at having seen an idol of his, calmly replied, “We are two brothers looking for work. My brother was just bored and threw a rock, and accidently hit you, Miss…?”

Puffing her front up, she said with voice thick with pride, “Oh, you haven’t heard of me? Rainbow Dash, the fastest flyer in Equastria, the soon to be captain of the wonderbolts, the ace of aces, the only pony ever to do the sonic rainboom, how could you not hear of me?”

“Well, in my defense, it IS fairly dark. I think we’re kinda lost too, so I didn’t know this was Ponyville,” Toast replied, the voice in his head reminding him to Lie, lie, LIE!

As all this was going on, Grain was starting to regain some sense of consciousness. What little was going through his head, was not positive. He had been renamed WhiteGrain. He was in a land he was unfamiliar with, his best friend had been appointed his boss by a foreign deity, and he had just taken a sonic boom to the face. To put it mildly, he was displeased.

The voice in his heart was screaming, Blood for the blood god! Skulls for the skull throne! But that was not the voice he answered to. The voice in his head was calmly stating, The natives have the capacity for sonic boom generation. You aren’t a chaos marine, don’t anger them anymore than you already have. Tzeentch always made a better role model anyway.

Slowly getting up, Grain saw Toast and a new blue (or was it cyan?) pony talking. Based on the wings and coloration, he made an educated guess that she was Rainbow Dash from all the things Toast had said. He slowly walked over to the pair of conferring ponies.

“I’m okay! Slightly curious as to how I earned a sonic boom to the face, but otherwise fine!” Grain said announcing his presence.

“Oh, hey Grain! You’re okay! Well, this here is Rainbow Dash of many awesome names! Apparently, you woke her up, so she punched you,” Toast called to Grain.

“I woke her up with a rock by accident. So she smashed my face into the ground. That’s not an overreaction at all,” Grain moaned, the thought of, Fucking Brony, stuck in his head.

“I was having a good dream. Then you woke me up. Jerk,” Rainbow replied, her tongue sticking out, “Either way, since I’ve been woken up already, I might as well take care of my job. You said you were looking for employment. Check out Applejack’s further down that road,” she said, pointing down the road in question.

“Thank you. We’ll wait till it isn’t ungodly early to check out. Don’t want to wake anyone else up,” Toast said. “We will just be headed down the road now, bye.” Toast then gestured to thee now completely conscience Grain and began walking down the path to Applejack’s until they were far from where most signs of habitation.

Grain realized that he could now rant on Toast properly for all the shit going on. He stopped Toast dead in his tracks and screamed with pure, unrefined, fury about how much he hated the current situation. Most of it was inarticulate ranting, in pure angrish, but parts of it were less so. “YOU HAD TO DRAG ME INTO THIS! You fucking thought I would have loved to come to this world you know full of god damn horses, well guess fucking what I don't! You pushed them on me, before but this is fucking ridiculous! I'm now stuck here and forced to live in this stupid world for the rest of my life you dumbass! if I could coherently think right now I would love to give you a very in depth speech about why you sir are an ignorant piece of crap!"

Toast looked at his friend, who was now panting, and smiled and asked "Do you feel better now."

Grain exhausted after his enraged rant nodded.

"Good," Toast said, "Because we have to apply for a job now." He calmly continued walking down the road until he saw a very nice clearing on the side of the road after a while."Hey Grain," Toast called behind him.

"What?" Grain responded wearily.

"Why don't we stop and relax in this clearing?" Toast asked walking into the clearing examining it.

Grain walked into the clearing and collapsed with a thud, falling asleep immediately upon contact with the ground.

"Well I guess that’s a yes" Toast said to himself, and then with a thud was on the ground sleeping.

A few hours later they woke up. They were still in the field with their organs still intact. Toast stretched his body after laying on the somewhat soft ground as Grain was yawning and feeling rested. “So … Caleb, err, Toast what are we going to do again?” he asked.

Toast grinned, “Well ,” he started “In most of the fics I’ve read the newcomers try and get jobs, and preferably jobs at the apple’s farm “ he pointed at a farm, and while their view was somewhat obstructed by trees, it was a large farm, and seemed to have lots of acres apple trees.

Grain sighed and said “Okay, fine, let's go get jobs.”

Ch.3 I bucking hate apples

Chapter 3: I BUCKING HATE APPLES

The two headed to the farm Toast, full of energy, and Grain, was Grain, As the two neared the barn a very trustworthy pony, Applejack, walked up to the two with a deadly stare and said “So I heard y’all woke my friend up this mornin’ by chucking a rock at her is that what I’m to understand or do you guys want to explain what's really going on.”

Toast was about to tell her the story she told Dash when Grain blurted out “you know what I might as well tell you ,because I honestly don't give a fuck see me and Toast are humans ,we lived on a place called planet Earth ,we have a TV show all about you PONIES ,you're just figments of imagination there, and the reason why we are fucking here is because apparently your embodiment of chaos, Discord, thought that toast was able to cause fucking chaos in this whole damn world and essentially free him.”

Toast stood there dumbstruck waiting to see how applejack would kick their collective asses. While Grain stood there being Grain. It was silent; no pony said a word for awhile until... Applejack fell over on her back laughing her ass off.

Now toast being the huge perv he is, was eyeing some sweet plot (... yeah thats right) he was truly grateful that he was an earth pony right now and not a pegasus or he'd be having the wing boner of his life. Grain could tell immediately what toast was so fixated on and punched him in the side.

Applejack finally stopped laughing ,after Toast finally recovered from the blow to the side, she wiped a tear from her eyes and got back up. “You fellas are a hoot almost as funny as Pinkie Pie one could say, but back to business besides the rock incident with Dash she told me y’all are looking for work on my family's barn, right?”

“uh yeah” Toast responded “ it would be great if you had an opening we could apply for?”

Applejack sighed and said “Well i guess its a lucky day for you because Big Mac happened to pull a muscle and will be out of commision for quite some time and according’ to them fancy doctors he can't do work for squat but he should be able to walk soon, but right now we need two ponies to fill in the work around here since he well cant.”

“Really” Toast exclaimed “that’s great!” Grain then looked sternly at Toast and proceeded to facehoof. Toast confused by Grain’s action realized that what he said was kinda offensive. “I meant it was great that you had an opening...” he said trying to correct from his rudeness before.

Applejack, remembering that she’s still needed out in the fields, decided to ignore the rudeness for the moment “well then, ya’ll know how to buck apples?”

Grain looked at her confused “You want us to what apples?”

“sorry, we get that one a lot, bucking apples is knock’n ‘em down off the trees, like this” applejack then walked over to a tree, lifted her hind legs and kicked it, knocking all the apples off and into the conveniently placed barrels below the tree

Grain nodded to Toast in a way saying that this is acceptable. Toast then said, being cool and arrogant “we can do that easily.”

applejack almost laughed “we’ll see ‘bout that”

“so do we have the job?” Toast asked.

Applejack held out her hoof “we’ll see, if ya’ll are as strong as you claim, then definitely”

“ok” Toast asked reluctantly ”what did you have in mind to test our strength?”

“that's the easy part, all ya’ll gotta do is buck a tree, and we’ll see how strong you really are”

Toast then thinking about all his role plays and fanfictions believed that since he was an earth pony he could easily do this task he walked up to a tree, reared his backed legs up, and bucked with all his might.The tree shook and dropped one apple.

“it’s harder than it looks, ain’t it” applejack said with a smirk

“...” Toast tried again this time focusing more on the rearing of his legs. “ This time i’ve got it.” he said confidently. he then again bucked but, he missed the tree completely and his groin hit the hard bark of the tree, hard. He then groaned and said “ Fuck “ falling to the ground in great pain, clutching his now smashed pride.

Grain laughed “ He sure bucked them apples!” adding salt to the wound.

Applejack joined in laughing with grain for a moment, before wiping the tear from her eye and focusing on grain “don’t forget, ya’ll’r up next”

Grain realized this “ touche” he walked up to the tree and and focused on the tree itself rearing his hind legs up and kicked hard ,the tree shook violently as he seemed to hit the right spot. The tree shook and dropped a beehive onto Grain. The beehive cracked on Grain’s head and a swarm of very angry bees emerged from the cracked remains of their destroyed home. “Oh fuck” Grain said. the bees, looking for what destroyed their home, spotted Grain immediately and began to furiously attack him.

Applejack fell over backwards laughing as grain was attacked by the bees.

Grain in his infinite wisdom began to plan the old run into the lake and wait for the bees to leave, but he didn't add an unforeseen obstacle in his path being … Toast. Grain proceeded to trip over Toast and fall flat on his face. as the bees circled in on our two “heroes” they could only hope for a miracle.

Applejack, deciding the two had had enough torment, went and got a bucket of water, splashing it over them and driving the bees away.

Toast, now wet, looked at their savior, Applejack, and sighed saying”I guess we dont get the jobs.”

“Are you kidding? i haven’t seen anything’ that funny since mah’ own first day, ya’ll’r hired” she said as she held out her hoof.

Toast eagerly took her hoof “ Thank you applejack.” he pulled himself up and Grain stood on his own unamused at the events that just transpired.

“how about ya’ll start tomorrow, we can discuss pay then too”

“Great also i hate to ask but can you provide a room for us to stay in for awhile?” Toast asked shyly.

“it’ll come out’a ya’lls pay, but i guess so, and the rest of the family’s gotta like ya’ll too”

“Ok” Toast agreed.Grain just nodded.

“well c’mon” Applejack said as she started walking towards the house.

They both followed her hoping to recover from there traumatizing experience. Toast walking beside Grain who kept muttering “ I bucking hate apples.”

Ch.4 family introductions

Chapter 4: family introductions

As they were walking, Toast was continually trying to get a good look at applejack’s sex. Grain could tell right away but just decided to ignore it more focused on the new surroundings. Toast then asked “ Will your family be ok with us staying with you?”

“well, we've had help wit the farm say over before, so they should be okay with it”

“Oh good” Toast said.

Applejack opened the door to the house and called in “Big Mac, Granny Smith, Applebloom, looks like we may have some company.”

Excitedly the whole family came in intrigued to see the new guests.they all lined up and cute lil Applebloom spoke up first

“Howdy!” she said very enthusiastically “I'm Applebloom leader of the cutie mark crusaders and the irresistibly adorable one” she smiled innocently

“I’m” Big mac began to say before he was cut off by Granny smith

“this here is Big mac, he doesn't like to talk much ,poor child we fear he may be mentally handicapped, but he's as strong as ten oxen. I’ll tell ya what”Granny said in a rather sweet and worn tone.

Big mac was unhappy by his grandmothers backhanded compliment, but sighed with a very depressing “eeyup” for he knew he was actually brilliant but couldn't get the words right in his head.

Grain continually rolled his eyes as Toast while was in massive pain was excited to see all these characters from the show, he loved it, but he realized he had a mission to do and must carry it out.

“Excuse me” toast politely interrupted “but we’d like to know where we should rest we kinda got really tired after all that applebucking.”

“well more of a lack there of” applejack said chuckling “but alright y’all will have to share a room though alright?”

Toast nodded, and grain just stood there. Applejack took that as a yes from both of them and lead them to a room upstairs it was small containing an old bed and 2 chairs.

“Sorry we only got the one bed I hope that's alright” applejack said kindly.

“I call the chairs!” Toast said excitedly as he made a makeshift bed out of chairs next to a window and called it good.

Grain nodded and simply went over to his bed, and lied down, Toast was already snuggled up on his chairs. “Well I’m glad that you two took to your rooms well. We will be waking up at 5 a.m. to get to work on the farm so sleep well. Also just in case, either of you touch my sister you die” Toast and Grain looked at her in confusement seeing if she was kidding or being serious, she just had a smile and closed the door leaving the room saying “G’night.”

They both had a rather unsettling night Grain afraid of Toast doing something stupid with Applebloom, Toast simply wanting to clop as he realized he can actually clop now, but cant because Grain was in the room. Toast decided to get up and head out of the room, Grain had finally gotten to sleep having the most wonderful dream something about having a giant lawnmower made with razor dildos and running ponies with it. Toast being the curious sort began to explore the nice rustic home, all seemed pretty normal until he heard a light rocking sound coming from a room, he carefully turned the nob and poked his head into the room and saw the site of what would make the Big Mac X Applejack fans jealous beyond belief for in the room was (If you don’t want to see clopful words ahead go ahead and skip until you see a nice long line after the one below)
_________________________________________________________________________________________

Applejack was taking the long protruding shaft of her brother’s cock into her mouth giving the tip a nice swirl of the tongue to see how sensitive her brother was. Big Mac shuddered in pleasure as his cock was handled by his sisters well trained mouth. Seeing his brother act so cutely from the simple fellatio she stopped wanting to tease him. “Do you love your sister’s mouth taking in your thick meat?” she asked seductively.

He replied with a simple “eeyup.” His cock aching from withdrawal of his sister’s mouth.

She slyly said” if you want more you have to beg for it “ She smiled in anticipation for her brother to submit to her wishes.

He always hated giving up his dominance to his sister but loved her body more so he whimpered out “P-pleas suck my cock applejack.” He looked at her with pleading eyes. She thought for a second to make his waiting for judgment more painfully long (speaking of long). She finally took his shaft back into her mouth and made sure she massaged it thoroughly with her tongue as she took it deep down her mouth. He groaned keeping back the moans of pleasure as his sister went to work on his cock.

Toast was rather awestruck by what was going on, and was quickly getting erect not just at the sight but the smell of the animalistic musk, especially the rather tantalizing scent coming from applejack’s sex. So thinking that the two are to preoccupied with their intercourse he decided to take care of his own urges by clopping at the erotic sight before him.

Back over to the two lovers applejack had moved up on her brother and line his cock up with her already dripping slit, which isn't unusual as they were very smart and new how gravity would make sure applejack wouldn't get pregnant since the sperm wouldn't be able to go up in her (….that doesn't work), also last night was the only night they did it with Big Mac was on top and that resulted in a sprain, but enough of that back to the clopping at hand. “you ready bro” applejack said with a delightful grin.

“Eeyup.” The proud stallion said. With that signal she pushed the tip of his cock into her pussy and he came immediately, with a loud moan before passing out (“AWW COME ON” sweetie yelled ). Applejack sighed getting off her brother unsatisfied as usual.

“One second a new record, at least I got the tip inside my pussy this time before he came…” she started to ramble before seeing a stallion clopping furiously at what was the sight of her and her brother with his eyes closed.” What….the……buck.”

Toast hearing the voice directed at him opened his eyes a gave a thoughtful “uhhhhhhhh”

She looked at him and his erection and thought of her un taken care of needs. She thought hard before asking “Wanna buck?” Toast was shocked at first but then quickly nodded, she laid on her back spreading her back-hooves wide while one of her fore-hooves moved down and spread her pussy lips “Come get me stallion” Not wanting to disappoint the waiting mare he rushed over and got on top of her as fast as he could and kissed her deeply or he would've kissed her deeply if not she blocked it with her other hoof” No kissing we aint lovers, just buck buddies.” Toast was a lil sad but simply went with it, he craved the sexual release anyway, to bad Toast is a virgin so the only move he knew was thrust. He seizured over her and trust me it wasn't super effective , but surprisingly wasn’t not very effective it was just effective.and while applejack didn't faint she did cum as did toast who laid panting beside her.
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“….awesome” toast said completely exhausted.Applejack just gave a content sigh with a nod.

“you at least can out last my brother in that department but you definitely need to work on skill….now… I feel you deserve punishment , but as long as don’t talk about what you saw of me and my brother we are square.”

“throw in an extra bit a day and you got yourself a deal” he playfully said.

“….”fine” she sighed "but then I also get to use you as a living dildo at night got it?”

“Deal.” He said very happily

Toast finally went to bed after getting cleaned off, but as he layed on his bed of chairs a loud “CUCKADOODLE DOO” tore threw the air.

Both Grain and Toast sprang up, Grain simply up, Toast spazzing on the chairs and falling to the ground. “….stupid roosters.”

Ch.1 Discords mission

Chapter 1: Discord’s Mission

“-UUUUUUUCK!”

“Ok” Discord began saying “You two will have to cause chaos all around Equestria. Do whatever you want. The chaos doesn’t have to be bad or good, just cause chaos. Is that understood?”

Greg responded “Why is the name of Dues would you just grab two people, much less teenagers? That seems rather incompetent. Don’t you think… I mean two people can’t do much I mean it’s like-”

“What about Hitler, Greg” Caleb interrupted “He started as one person and gathered followers.”

Greg looked at Caleb and said “To-fucking-che’.” Greg paused and yelled at discord, “WHY THE FUCK AM I A HORSE!?”

Caleb laughed as he saw his friend freaking out as, Discord explained the rules in a rather straightforward manner.“Rule one you both are ponies. Rule two you both have a new identity. Caleb you will be known as BlackToast, white on the inside, black on the outside. Greg you will be known as WhiteGrain, because lulz. Rule three is that WhiteGrain has magic. Rule four is that WhiteGrain has to use his magic when Blacktoast tells him to and can only use it then. Rule five you will both get 50,000 bits to spend at your willing. Rule six: you if some nosy pony asks you where you used to live, you say you came from Las Pegasus. Rule seven: no telling anypony about me. Rule eight: you must come here at least once a week to update me on things unless I say otherwise. And finally Rule Ten have fun with it, it is a game after all!”

“Wait” Caleb began to ask “What about rule nine?”

Discord looked at Toast and with a wicked smile said “Didn’t you know…. Seven ate nine.” Discord laughed and began speaking again “I hoped you would ask that just to polish off that old relic, but here is a ninth rule to your actual mission, so to speak. You are to create chaos in this world, either by your own doing, or by freeing me, and the only way to free me is to get somepony or ponies to not think logically and accidently crack my statue… do that and I am free once again, do you both understand?” Caleb nodded, while Greg was freaking out about his tail. “Now you two, head off to ponyville and begin the creation of a new order of chaos.” Discord began to laugh again as the head on the statue turned into solid stone. With that the two new ponies looked at each other. Toast was happy. Grain was… well… Grain. They then headed off towards Ponyville. Toast was hopping the whole way. Grain was bringing his hoof to his face in a crude imitation of a facepalm the whole way.