His Break out Performance.
A/N: New and improved version with more ponies.
You as the audience saw the new overly muscular pegasus in the background and you think he looked vaguely familiar, but you couldn't place where you have seen him before this episode. It was Mr. Horse from The Ren and Stimpy Show and this is the story of how he got a role on Friendship is Magic as the latest meme character.
It was the year 2004, the final moments of Spiketv's Ren & Stimpy being filmed. The director was watching the actors maim themselves.
"...and cut, that's a wrap everyone. This has been a great day of shooting and I'll see you all next week." The director said as he clapped his hands. The crew moved out of the way, and the equipment was powered down. Just as the actors were congratulating each other on a job well done a studio assistant walked on set with a very important announcement.
"I have some bad news from the studio, Ren and Stimpy will not be getting a new season, in fact this show is being canceled along with the entire animation department of Spiketv studios. I am sincerely sorry, everyone. Final checks will be mailed next week and we will contact your agents to help the transitions go over more smoothly." The assistant hung his head in shame as he walked out the door.
Everyone was stunned, they crew, the director and the actors had truly thought this new venue would be a success as they were not constrained by the same bleeding heart liberals that censored the show on Nickelodeon. Sure ratings weren't as high as they could be but they loved what they did and this troupe of actors had a lot of respect and admiration for each other.
"Well since this was our last day, and I do not know when our paths will meet again. It has been an honor working will all of you. I'd like to buy you all a drink at the Broken Lyre pub on 84th street." The director said with a tear in his eye and an earnest voice.
20 minutes later at the bar
The actors, cameramen, grips, lighting crew, writers, make-up artists, and stage hands were crammed into the moderately sized watering hole. It was like a going away party since they weren't getting a season finale. There were laughs and tears and like veterans of a war they shared the good and the bad times.
Ren Hoak and his oldest friend Stimpton "Stimpy" J. Cat hunched over the bar as started talking about starting a standup comedy show.
At the other end of the bar near the dart board one actor named Mr. Horse was chatting with his favorite make-up artist Silvia.
"Remember that one time, when Powdered Toastman flubbed up his lines and we kept going?"
"Yeah, and then he flew through the sound stage and crashed into Michael Bay's dump truck full of money." She said with a red drunk face, giggling at the event.
"So, Mr. Horse, what are you gonna do next, I mean after the show?"
"I think I'll go back to my one true love, theater, I know th-"The two were short by the director shouting to get everyone's attention.
"Thank you all for coming out tonight. This is one of the hardest good byes, I think I'll ever have to say, so I won't say instead I'd like to say that well will meet again in the future." He began to sing in a raspy voice not to dissimilar from Johnny Cash.(Song here)
"We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when
But I'm sure we'll meet again some sunny day
Keep smiling through, just the way you used to do
Till the blue skies chase the dark clouds far away.
Now, won't you please say "Hello" to the folks that I know
Tell 'em it won't be long
'cause they'd be happy to know that when you saw me go
I was singing this song."
The whole bar began to join in on the song. Some of the cast members and crew started to cry.
"We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when
But I'm sure we'll meet again some sunny day
Keep smiling through, just the way you used to do
Till the blue skies chase the dark clouds far away.
Now, won't you please say "Hello" to the folks that I know
Tell 'em it won't be long
'cause they'd be happy to know that when you saw me go
I was singing this song
We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when
But I'm sure we'll meet again some sunny day."
Not a dry eye was left in the bar. Beers, mixed drinks and frozen concoctions were made salty from tears. The bar let out and the group disbanded most of them with hope for the future.
That was six years ago. Oh, how fate has a way of kicking you in the balls. Most of the crew was able to find work. Silvia got an easy job of doing make-up for Tim Burton movies. The majority background characters were able to get steady work.
The main cast wasn’t so lucky. Muddy Mud-skipper was able to get a permanent role as a judge of Czechoslovakia’s Got Talent. His story was probably the only true success of the bunch. Powdered Toast man killed himself in 06' by eating himself. His reasons were he just couldn't take the pressures of being a bread based super hero. Ren was currently doing time for trafficking black tar heroine to Latvia. His release date is 2043. Stimpy was now doing infomercials on HSN.
Last we meet back up with Mr. Horse he did as he said as went back to theater and played Max Bialystock in a touring version of The Producers for three years. The one thing he missed was being on television and the idea of reaching a larger audience. Since the play's tour had ended, he had been living in his apartment on Staten Island and survived off of his residual checks. He was watching tv when his phone rang. It was his agent on the other end.
"Listen Marty, I'm not doing the show, I am a classically trained actor, not a whore. I refuse to work with those equines with their shit scripts and detestable animation budget. Nor do I wish to associate my good name with that group of bastard children who can't act."
"Listen, Horse come on you're thinking of that thirty minute toy commercial from the past and that abomination from a few years ago, just read over the script for the first episode and it's good. The director is a pro and the writers are top notch, please give it a shot."
Mr. Horse didn't believe his agent and knew the My Little Pony name with a dead end career path and would make him as bigger sell out than Cookie Monster when he did those Japanese laxative commercials. He gave his agent his response. "No, sir I don't like it. Now stop calling me over this show." He hung up his phone thinking he had dodged a bullet.
One year later
Mr. Horse for a lack of a better phrase "bet on the wrong pony." The very show he had turned down took off like a rocket ship from hell. To make matters worse his agent had dropped him in favor of some orange sunglasses wearing fuck as Mr. Horse called him named Kamina. He was living day to day working at a coffee shop. He went back at his meager room he was renting in China Town and was online when his eyes widened at an email he had received from Stimpy.
Hi, Mr. Horse Stimpy Cat here was a fantastic offer...just kidding. Any way I heard from a friend that times have been tough for you, but I have exciting news. My Little Pony friendship is Magic is casting meme characters next week and this could be your next big break. I posted a link to the announcement page as well as its address. Oh and if you see your cousin tell her I said "happy, happy, joy, joy"...she'll know what it means.
Sincerely, Stimpton "Stimpy" J. Cat.
This was his second chance to regain some of his former glory and he was still kicking himself in the ass for turning down the show in the first place. The only problem was that he more out of shape than Denzel Washington in his current movies. This was time to call in his one last favor. He was owed big time by the superhero known as Mon-tage whose only superpower was to do montages which can get mostly anything done in a short amount of time through his reality bending jump cuts and 80's music. Cue the music. (Montage song from South Park)
A week had passed and he through the help of Mon-tage. He lifted weights, trained in the snow and ran up a mountain and yelled for no good reason. He also may or may not have bought a robot for someone's drunk racist brother-in-law.
The point was Mr. Horse was fit and for a stallion of forty three years old. He had the body he had when he was in his early thirties. To add to his more youthful appearance he dyed his mane and hooves blonde and bleached his coat white.
'This part will be mine.' He thought to himself before walking out the door and into a cab to where the auditions were taking place for meme characters.
He got to his audition early to see the competition. There were many worthy contenders including a wall eyed dragon with gemstones embedded in its fat rolls. He got in line and took a number.
"Number 31, a Mr. Philip J. Horse, please go through those doors and read a selection from the script. Madam Lauren Faust and a M A Larson will be there to appraise your talents. Good Luck." The receptionist said with a mock salute.
Mr. Horse walked through the double doors to see the director and one of the series writers waiting for him.
"Good Morning, set's talk a little bit about, you. It says here you are classically trained, what plays have you performed?" The red headed director said with a calming smile while her counterpart looked over the papers in front of them.
"I was in a Broadway production of Gilbert and Sullivan's Pirates of Penzance, If I may I'd like to sing I am the very Model of a Modern General." Mr. Horse knew the show had a lot of singing and hope this stunt would impress them. (Listen to the song here)
"Proceed." Larson gestured to the stallion.
"Very well, I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse..."
Mr. Horse sang in the quick tempo the song required and when he was done both director and writer were blown away.
"Bravo, and can you read from the script?" Asked Lauren.
Mr. Horse looked for a part that screamed his name. He found it on page twenty five. He took a deep breath. "YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
The two sitting at the table were blown away and had tears in their eyes from the nuances of his performance. The songs of sweet cherubs couldn't make sweeter music.
"WE HAVE FOUND OUR LATEST MEME CHARACTER!!!" M A Larson and Faust exclaimed in unison.
"Thank you, you shall not be disappointed." Mr. Horse said feeling really good about himself.
"Just show up at the studio to get wings from our artist and be ready to be transferred into Flash animation a week from today at eight o'clock."
The next week was hectic as he was forced to spout wings for his debut episode. The other equine that knows his pain was doctor Whooves.
"Damn I say that hurts." Mr. Horse said to the artist as he was getting a set of wings.
"Quit yer bitchin, i had to do it like five times already and worst part is they can't even decide what I look like most of the time. I've been a pegasus, an earth-pony, blue, grey, brown, female and male." Yelled Doctor Whooves from the break room.
The other actors were pouring into the studio and the funny thing about being tuned into Flash animation is they don't tell you that the pretend world your living in, is actually very real and you're essentially stuck there. Ponyville itself was actually nothing more than a set built in the middle of nowhere Equestria.
A Mercedes Benz pulled up to the set and out stepped Rainbow Dash with her nose pointed towards the sky in a very posh manner. A small nervous looking stallion walked up to her with a coffee cup.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT, I WANTED DECAF, SOY 2% AND THIS IS DECAF SOY FAT FREE, GET THIS GARBAGE AWAY FROM ME!!!" Rainbow yelled at her assistant and whipped her cell phone at him.
Mr. Horse rolled his eyes, every set has a diva. He meet the rest of the cast that performed their roles as the mane six and Spike whom you'd never believe he was married to in real life. He was actually married to Derpy and has been trying to get the writers to change his love interest on the show for weeks.The two of them had pulled up in a Bentley GT.
He was so surprised by how different these ponies were to their on screen persona. Fluttershy was a little obnoxious, Rarity was extremely modest. Twilight wasn't that bright and Applejack was trying to con a camera man out of his lunch.
All in all Mr. Horse was back on television, gained meme status, was working with a great new crew. He smiled contently to himself.
He heard a high pitched scrapping sound, he looked up and just as he did he witnessed th lighting rig fall on top of him. Crushing him.
"...quiet on..the set...where...my...latte...I...said no to the movie deal...FIRE MY AGENT!!!" The large wieght lifting stallion known as Olympia yelled out as he woke up in a cold sweat. He realized he was in Ponyville Emergency Care and he saw all his friends surrounding his bed.
"What happened?" He said still somewhat out of it.
"You were eating a new steroid milkshake mixed with heavy hallucinogenic mushrooms while watching The Trotman Show last night and passed out. Your lucky your neighbor Berry Punch found you."
"Doctor dude it felt so real, I mean I dreamt I was an actor that sang show tunes, I even met Faust and there were hoo-mans everywhere and... and..." He started pointing at the ponies around his bedside.
"You were there, Doctor Whooves, but you had wings and sounded like a pirate."
"You were there, Rainbow."
"I was?" replied the Rainbow maned pegasus.
"Yeah, except you were a lot more stuck up and you threw a cell phone at your assistant."
"Ha ha ha. That's too funny, next thing you'll telling me that you performed Gilbert and Sullivan." Rainbow wiped her eyes from laughing to hard.
"Very well, I am the very model of a modern Major-General I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral." Olympia belted out effectively shutting up Dash.
He looked around the room and saw other ponies from his very real dream. He was still pointing them out.
Berry Punch walked up next to him and asked him the question that a lot of ponies were curious about. "That's weird it's almost like you lived two separate lifetimes." Olympia just shrugged and went back to sleep.
Meanwhile from a secret base in the sky
"He'll never suspect a thing, mwahahaha." Faust said as she shredded the last file on Mr. Horse. Her plan to create a cartoon that better meme characters than any other show was coming into fruition.
The End.
