No glitter, just rarity the vampire!by MidnightFMareChaptersChapter one: the first outing (or black mailing pinkie)Chapter two: the gifts (or I have friends in high, low, and even higher places)Chapter 3: revenge (or, watch where you sit) Chapter 4: at the movie (or the more you know)chapter 5: Judgement (Or you lose blood sucker)EpilogueBonus chapter!Chapter one: the first outing (or black mailing pinkie)CAROUSEL BOUTIQUE “Rarity, you’ve been cooped up in boutique since ‘the incident’ and I know a way to cure you” I call into the dark shop The door opens a crack, the pale pony with a pair of sharp, deep sapphire eyes looks out, her mane still immaculately kept “R-really? This isn’t one of your cruel and odd tests is it?” Squatting down to her level and stick out a pinkie (I being in my anthropomorphic form) “’Cross my heart (Though I lack one) hope to fly (though I have wings) stick a cupcake in my eye’ I am chaotic neutral, like valiant, though it was his fault you’re in this predicament in the first place, I am not lying” To this she takes my pinkie in her hoof and beckoned me in, dashing away from the light I let in My eyes adjust to night vision and I see the quivering, frail pony seamstress looking at my glowing eyes in animalistic fear. Lowering myself once more, I approach her; never breaking eye contact. I treat her like I would a feral cat, slowly extending my hand, I brush her muzzle, she flinches but does not run. Outstretching my other hand, I pull her into a hug, which she returns gently, then tightening as her tears start. I just hold her, letting her weep on my shoulder, her mascara and eyeliner running down my shoulder. I don’t know how long we sit there When her sobs subsided “I need to see how far along the conversion is, do you mind?” with a slow nod, and a tear, she complies Checking her pulse, heartbeat, eyes, and sensitivity to light, the examination proves that that she is in the second stage of 5. Her worried expression says she doesn’t understand. I smile, she returns it but suddenly finds herself wrapped in a black blanket, through the hole she made with her horn she sees the door to the outside open I unroll her into the shade of her shop and she proceeds to grumble and check her mane “the ceremony to cure you has to happen during the day, ease yourself out, I can wait” Nodding, she sticks a hoof out and then a leg, which results in a soft “PSH…” sound and rarity squeaking, then another hoof, which does not react, then her whole body, which surprises me as she stands tall… then slumps For the next two minutes we walk until she collapses, her breathing shallow and labored. I help her into a dark alley and put my hand near her mouth, she looks up with one squinted eye and raises an eyebrow “You need to restore your strength, bite my hand” I say “NO! Won’t you turn as well?” she replies, looking at me with dull, lifeless eyes “No, I am immune to the vampire necrogen, besides, having 5 faux hearts, I can spare a lot” she looks at the bite marks already there “Oh, right, being so old, I carry a lot of psychic energy, especially love so chrysalis feeds off it and gives it to rogue changelings who aren’t convinced that love can be given freely, and-“ I stop, feeling a light pinch on my hand. Looking down, I see rarity’s closed mouth, her nostrils flaring as she breathes, and her fangs piercing my skin, but I hardly feel it, like donating blood (well… then again, it is technically “donating”. Huh, something to think about) the tips of her fangs making holes at the bottom of chrysalis’ fang marks. But as her fangs absorb the blood, her eyes shoot open, jerks out her fangs and looks at me with fear “I… saw a glimpse of… your life, you’re so… sad and lonely… You’re older than the princesses… you… you’ve seen so much, and your eyes… are empty of life; dull, old eyes who have wept for every single death you couldn’t stop, every friend, enemy, ally, companion, and innocent. That have seen what never should be seen” she whispers “What in celestia’s name are you? How can you be so old?” “To answer your question, I am an immortal, para-pan-dimensional ‘cat’ that, by all the laws of the universe, should not exist. I am looking for my final resting place, to find the reason why I can’t die. But I will help anyone who needs it, if my past disturbs you, I’ll go to a blood bank and get some blood for you” I reply As I turn to go, rarity extends a hoof and grabs my jacket “I find that you love being able to help, to save as many live as you can, to help those in need to wipe away their tears, bewilder them with your otherworldliness, but nopony sees the sadness in your heart, the faint lines of ancient and fresh tears. The searing scars on your spirit, to feel the pain every action causes. You give, but never receive, you are a brave, ancient soul. One that hears the individual death wails of each one you couldn’t save. I do not find your past repulsive, but inspiring, by the colors and the patterns. Please, give me your memories, you are a living story, please?” she replies, holding my hand in her hooves “F-fine, sure, I have blood to spare” I reply nervously, her honesty shocking me; but that shock is replaced by a subtle warmth, warming my core, as she gently bites my hand, savoring my memories, her eyes lullingly close, her hair tickling my skin. All of this induces sleep I don’t care if anypony sees us like this… I just want to sleep… “HI GUYS!!!!!” …damn iiiiittt Standing at the entrance of the alley is pinkie pie, in all her pinkie goodness. Her pupils shrink, scratches her nose, her back left hoof goes limp, and her tail starts spinning clock-wise “(GASP) rarity, are you a vampire?” she asks as I proceed to face palm. “What if she is?” I cup her ear in my other hand and whisper into her ear “Pinkie, don’t tell anypony or I’ll tell them (whisper whisper whisper whisper)” her hair deflates and turns greyish “H-h-h-how?” she whispers, quivering “I was on the ceiling, making a documentary about you; which is being played tonight, please come to it!” I hand her a flier She sulks away until something catches her eye and hops away Chapter two: the gifts (or I have friends in high, low, and even higher places)After walking around in the sun for a few minutes, rarity’s resistance shot up! “Where the buck did that voice come from?” I ask, looking around “What voi-EEK!” rarity squeaks as a blur rams into her, breaking her focus “AAAGGHH!! It burns! It burns! Make it stop!” she screams Summoning a black umbrella, I place it over her as she starts to heal “Whoa, that was not what I expected, what happened?” rainbow dash mutters, rubbing her head “Oh, you know, nearly killing one of your friends with your reckless flying, the usual” I mutter as rarity takes the umbrella “OH! Sorry rarity! I- why do you have an umbrella?” “Pale skin, she might get burned and all of her hats are out of season” I say as-a-matter-of-factly “Actually, I was looking for you, could you pass out these fliers to my movie? If you do, I will give you nose-bleed seats to the next … whatchamacallit game… it has the golden parasprite in it?” “You mean bit-scratch? Yeah its fun but… wait, did you say ‘nosebleed’? As in, over-looking the whole field? Those are worth several thousand bits! How did you get these?!” her jaw drops at the slips I held in my hoof “I know a mare that is banging the lead offense player who got these through contract, and as a give-away thing, she didn’t want them because she just likes the guy, and she gave them to me because I helped clear her mother of breaking and entering charges, and I don’t want them because I don’t like sports” I explain, hoofing them to her “BY CELESTIA’S BEARD! These are golden VIP passes! I… I can’t take these… really” she pushes them back “I insist, otherwise they would go to waste” “This is… so generous” she mutters, looking at them “Well, rarity is rubbing off on me” I chuckle as the mare takes the fliers to the air Approaching the pale mare I look down at her “Plan on sitting there all day rares?” “No, just… waiting for you” she mutters, picking up the umbrella with her magic “Well, ONWARDS to sweet apple acres!” I yell the unicorn keeping pace even though she has covered her whole face with the umbrella I was walking up to the barn when rarity faints. As I pick her up, I think to try and formulate a new plan to cure her. Walking into the barn, I set the unconscious bundle of pony on a hay stack and look for apple jack. Spotting the young farmer hunched near a light crystal, I approach her and pull up my pants and do my best “foghorn leghorn” impression “Ah say apple jack, ah say, what in tarnation are y’all readin’ wit’ all o’ that focus?” she jumps up with an adorable “squeak” noise. “’The applewood vampire diaries’?” I turn to the audience and put my hand in front of my lips “Ironic, isn’t it?” turning back to apple jack “Ah say youngun’, ah say this is the kahnd of readin’ lit’ure that puts impure an’ lustful thoughts into yer’ head. Now wah in celestia’s name are y’all readin’ this kahnd o’ smut; an’ ah’m not talkin’ ‘bout corn smut!” “Please! Don’ tell anypony ah lahk girly romance novels! Ah get rarity to get ‘em for me in exchange for… things… She’s the reason ah got into these things in the first place!” she yells, rousing the sleeping rarity’s blood lust. She stalks around to the side of the hay bail AJ is behind “Hm, well then,” I say, breaking character “what if I was to say that I had the completed manuscript to the final book, you know, the one the author died writing?” I ask, rummaging through my pockets. “Y-you have it?! H-how?! The rumors said that he left it to his closest friend; was that you?! Everypony has been trying to understand the author’s massages at the end of each book!” she hops up, nearly breaking the light crystal “’My friend/ who should not be/ but is eternal/ searching for the end/ of warm body, but no heart/ eyes of all sights, yet blind/ impossible paradoxical/ older than time, yet never running out/ makes the impossible possible/ whimsical wish granter/ tester of hearts/ I am glad to call you/ my friend’” I say, never missing a beat “Hungry…” rarity growls, pouncing at AJ “What in tarnation?! Rarity! What’s wrong with you?!” apple jack gasps as I grab her mid-air “Let me go! She is a delicious orange! She has plenty of blood to give me!” she hisses. I put my hand in her mouth, she goes limp, losing consciousness. I explain the situation and ask if we can stay a while; she complies, bringing me a blanket, some iron pills, and a jug of water. Chapter 3: revenge (or, watch where you sit)I hand AJ the manuscript and thank her for the hospitality; borrowing the blanket, I wrap rarity (hand and all) in a bundle which I put around my neck like a sling, her blue eyes peeking out of the fabric As I turn to leave, AJ rears up on her hind legs and grabs my shoulders in a vise like grip (how she does this with hooves I haven’t the slightest) “Y’all can cure her right? You won’t let her stay that way will ya?” she asks, her deep emerald eyes brimming with tears “The ceremony is very painful and there is no guarantee it will work, but I will try my best” I promise to her, running to the library Approaching the library, I see valiant with the cutie mark crusaders working on a smaller walker. As I go to say hello, my ditzy senses activate and looking up, the grey Pegasus is passing by; flagging her down from the right with a muffin, and as she gets closer, I slip to the left (the eye she has no control over) and place the muffin near Valliant’s rear and watch the CMC’s jump behind the tree house. Valiant picks up the muffin “What th-“ then ditzy tackles him “MYYYYYYYYYYY MMMMUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!” she knocks his canister of hydrogen and miniature gas engine; the impact causes a huge fire ball, which, because of ditzy’s special talent, she is unharmed. Valliant however, is not so lucky, and is shot skywards by the updraft, and for some reason, lightning strikes him. Landing on a pile of dirt, he looks around “Is it over?” then, lightning strikes him again (apparently, in equestria, lightning does strike the same place twice) Rarity pokes her head out to see the source of the noise and girly screaming, seeing valiant blowing himself up again (most times that has happened in a day: six, it was a Thursday, he doesn’t seem to get the hang of Thursdays) He comes to in the library as I invite uptight snootle and spike to the movie “THAT ONE IS GOING ON MY KILL LIST!!” Valiant yells “Muffin?” a sweet voice asks “Yes, thank you” he replies, then notices who gave it to him “WHAT IN HOLY HELL?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE (B)UCKING DEAD!!!!!” he screams, throwing the muffin at her, which she dodges and then pinkie jumps out of the book shelf, intercepts, and then disappears as she hits the ground “Well… moving on… valiant, you are begrudgingly invited to my movie tonight” I turn around and hand ditzy 4 fliers “Ditzy, I want you to come and bring sparkler, and dinky, and the doctor, if he doesn’t I will dye him pink and sparkly” the mare salutes and flies off to her house Turning back to valiant I start to berate him “Valiant, don’t use such foul language around small fillies and colts, especially when they have more raw magic in their nose than uptight snootle has with the element of magic” I jerk my thumb in twilight’s direction “I am not uptight! Nor am I snooty! Why do you and that crazy doctor always call me that?!” she yells “First off, it’s true, second off, you did not deny that dinky is far stronger than you are and she is a quarter your age” I then pull out a blow pop “You are so uptight and snooty that I bet you can’t even spell ‘fun’!” “I can spell it! F-U-“ she starts “WHOA WHOA WHOA! WOAH!... WHOA! …… WHOA! No need to use such foul language! Honestly! Do you kiss your teacher’s fat rear with those lips?!” I cry, summoning a bar of soap in twilight’s mouth (I don’t care what minuette says, soap is the best way to clean out a dirty mouth; but then again, she is the only dentist that carries relatively cheap flavorless toothpaste though) Chapter 4: at the movie (or the more you know)Chapter 4: at the movie (or the more you know) “Welcome fillies, gentlecolts, pegasi, unicorns, mentlegen, ladies, and other beings, this will be the first showing of ‘the pinkie files: a week in the life of the party pony’ First off, safety, make sure all extremities are within the black border on the ground. Now, black box; APPEAR!” 5 pitch black squares grow from the lines, the last sealing the top of the box “Do not panic, this is for your protection; though why you need it I can’t disclose” “Anyhowdle… this would not be possible without some friends: first, Queen Chrysalis! For extras and of course, the use of her multiplex computer!” the changeling queen stands and bows in the spot light “Discord! For PR and being his usual chaotic self!” the dragonequis is suddenly on a stage and is crowned by himself with a bouquet of roses, his make-up and dress shimmering in the spot light and bows, fire arrows being shot at him by unknown archers “Rarity Belle, for costumes, make-up, and disguises, but due to a sudden illness, could not make it” “Rusty nail for the materials and props, and maintenance on the aforementioned items!” the rust colored stallion bows “Vinyl Scratch! For showing me how to use all of the technology, sounds, music, audio, visual, comic relief, and consultation!” the light falls on her and she cringes “Get it off me! It burns! My eyes!” After making sure she is okay I get back in front “Let the movie, begin!” the advertisements start to roll: A black cat is walking through rain and into a log cabin. In there sits a man, only his silhouette is visible in the fire light; he picks up the cat and starts to pet it, taking his hat off ant turns to look through the screen his green and yellow eyes boring shimmering in the firelight. The picture stops and the words “a black cat studios picture” A sign appears “Please take all hats off” AJ does and her hair explodes, scaring everypony “Having a bad mane day Applejack?” I ask, barely holding my laughter “Now what are y’all lookin’ at? Did’ja think ah was bald under mah hat?” she asks, turning around and poking Rainbow in the eye “%$?!@#&Q!!!” Rainbow starts to grumble like a one-eyed dare devil (Which she is) I clap my hooves and with a grey poof of smoke; Aj’s hair is back in its usual style and rainbow’s eye is no longer comically dented “LIGHTS! OFF!” I command, the overhead lights dimming as the movie starts “Presented and produced in association with: “The Hodgepodge company ‘Making a more chaotic tomorrow, today’, Hive interactive entertainment ‘Working for your love since the first exile’, Carousel boutique ‘Where everything is chic, unique, and magnifique’ and Bad wolf pictures ‘protecting you from invasions’” In the back row, a semi-manly scream is heard followed by the sounds of a weeping brit (Mission accomplished) A deep voice echoes across the theatre “Pinkamena Diane Pie, a being that defies all reason. Doing the physically impossible with ease. Is she a mutated changeling that feeds off the happiness of others, a being born from chaos, unreason, or dreams? “Let’s start at the beginning shall we? “Born to the pie family of rock farmers, the oldest of three, Inkamena Roxanne Pie and Blinkamena Brianne Pie. She spent the early years of life rolling rocks down a hill during the wet season, and rolling them up in the dry season, and down again. When she gained her cutie mark, she became as she is now. On that same night, 11 magic stones appeared in her room… shards of a super element. Her new attitude was not the best for rock farming, so her parents loaded her into an old rock catapult with her valuables, and shot her away. Her awoken powers opened a hole in reality and activated the mystic stones she had. One bonded to her head, turning her hair into a mess of springs stronger than iron yet more elastic than rubber and gained the ability to stow objects in it, even if the resulting mass was greater than her whole body. Four fused to her hooves and twisted them into springs, think about how much that would hurt… feel free to pass out or retch… I can wait… one fused to her very core and unlocked all genetic possibilities, including alicornism, and the powers of an ancient ancestor, the power of a tricorn. Two fused to her forehooves and made the laws of conservation of matter null and void. And a powerful source code stone with two stones of process embedded into her brain and eyes respectively. They activated and she saw the beginning, the end, and everything in between. She saw beyond the dimensional barrier, (and the fourth wall) every possible outcome, worlds not yet born and destroyed, see what should not be seen, and broke her mind. “Most would have died from all of that information, but instead her mind broke into sentient fragments, each a small part of that power, but also embodying a facet of her psyche “This is the list of confirmed personalities: Pinkie pie: default Pinkamena: a foal, represents sadness and lonliness Pinkamena diane pie: she is murderous, malicious, cold, and calculating; makes food from the corpses of her victims who are assigned a number and drawn at random (according to a rumor) also knows the best way to torture her enemies. Recognizable by her homicidal grin, deflated hair, and sharp pointy killy things in her hooves. Represents… you don’t want to know, trust me on this, you do not want to know Punkie pie: a behemoth of strength and muscle, takes no prisoners, more than likely to step on you for being in the way. 10 feet tall, dark make-up, spiked hair, spiked steel armor, studded corset and boots, and a collar with a chain attached. Represents anger and hostility Pagan pie: a very superstitious pony, often wearing a cow skull on her head, a dried leaf skirt, and many necklaces. Represents pinkie sense Painter pie: artistic, prone to covering herself with paint and throwing herself at walls. Represents creativity Passion pie: a very emotional mare with a nervous streak when sober… pretty much like fluttershy. Noticeable traits are akin to the aforementioned pegasus. Represents love, passion, obsession, lust, etc. Peppy pie: need I say more? Recognizable by the soda hat and huge bag of candy Pervy pie: the… (ahem!) ‘mare of comfortable shoes’ known to wear frilly cloths Piffle pie: craziness, insanity, randomness, impossibility; identifiable by spinning eyes and huge grin Persie pie: ability to see the truth in all things; has crystal eyes Pity pie: sarcasm, constantly condescending tone Dianne: boredom; discernible by bored or bemused expression, flat hair, grayish in color “As she descended, she crashed into the one place that would contain her, sugar cube corner… the rest is, as they say, history. How do I know all of this? Who do you think opened the rift? “Now that you know the history, let’s get to the present” The screen fades in onto a sleeping pinkie, in a surprisingly orderly room. Her bed tilts downwards as a trapdoor opens, dropping her into a chute Wallace and Grommet style and the chute drops her into a room filled with books and a sleeping alicorn “WAKEY WAKEY EGGS AND CAKEY!!” she yells, rousing the alicorn “Mmrph… release the guard pony…” she mutters into her pillow, pulling a hanging rope With a gallop, a fluffy pink pony bounds up the steps with an ax in its mouth. It gasps, drops the ax and runs towards the camera; pinkie presses a knot hole in the wall and is enveloped by light in the background. The fluffy pink pony jumps on the camera mare and starts to lick her “Stop! Bad fluffy pink pony! HELP!!” The screen goes black The picture returns with pinkie bouncing around, and then she stops in mid-air, turns around, and starts bouncing into an alley wall, with the camera stallion following “Well, when following a pinkie…” the wall gets close and the screen is bathed in a psychedelic rainbow The ground is yellow and pink plaid and the sky… isn’t there “How did you get in here?! Nothing besides a pinkie may enter; now begone from new cubic zirconia!!” a huge pink pelted , flaming armor wearing behemoth rumbles, eyes of lava and burning coals “Punkie pie, I presume” the camera pony extends a hoof The behemoth shrinks to the usual pinkie “Hey! Why are you still in my head?! I don’t think I made you… did I? No, too many dark colors” “This is the inside of your head? Where’s the cotton candy clouds and chocolate milk rain? And more importantly, where are the other pinkies?” the camera pony asks, looking around “Um…hi?” a weak, voice mutters from below the camera. The camera lowers and a small, greyish-pink foal looking scared. The camera pony extends his hoof, flat end up. The foal shuffles closer and nuzzles it, smiling a little [CUTE OVERLOAD! SHUT DOWN IMMINANT] In bright red letters the message “Day 3” blinks on and off “For the past two hours, pinkie has stared at that statue… Honestly, what the heck am I supposed to- (BOOM!) Whoa! What happened?!” Author's Note yes, I did break out a dictionary to make the list chapter 5: Judgement (Or you lose blood sucker)In the middle of the everfree, me, rarity, vinyl scratch, the two princesses, blueblood in a cage, zecora, a pile of silver ore, a large, hole-ridden reinforced glass box, and an underbrush covered magic circle “Um… aunties? Why am I here?” Blueblood whines, looking for answers in stoic faces “Vinyl, what do you see?” I ask as she pulls her element over her head “Well, I see a sniveling pretty colt in a box. My element is showing me a vampony in a velvet robe” she shudders and removes the necklace, her element still too taxing I think to myself I walk Rarity into the box, and Luna raises it with her magic as I activate the circle, the underbrush burning away as magic courses through it; the silver transforms into enchanted chains and shoot through the holes, spiked ends embedding in trees and the ground, holding the box suspended in mid-air. Zecora chants the activation spell for the runes on the chains and they strengthen ten-fold I nod to the princesses and Luna lowers the moon and fatty raises the sun. With the sun overhead, both ponies start to burn “Won’t ponies notice that the sun has risen and come investigate?” fatty asks, turning to me Looking up at rarity sitting down, I bump my bandaged, fang-marked hand against my chest “No, that was the purpose of the movie and the black box. The box blocks outside light and sound, so they won’t notice a thing” “Let me out of here you insufferable ponies!” blueblood yells, when his body starts to change; his flesh breaking apart, revealing a fanged, skeleton-esque figure “So that’s what vampires look like here! I would take a picture but I don’t think that would work” I say as blueblood begins to writhe in the box, but rarity starts to smoke “I will outlast this puny pony! Then I will slaughter all of you!” he bellows when something surprising happens Rarity starts to laugh “Pfft… Sorry, I can’t hold it in anymore!” Rarity snickers, green fire enveloping her form, white turning to black and her violet hair turns into hole-ridden darkish emerald “Stupid blueblood! I already cured her! She’s right here!” I open my jacket and rarity sticks her head out of a white paper bag in one of my inner pockets “Are these ‘Jelly babies’ low in fat? I would hate to imagine how the whole ‘Smaller-on-the-outside’ thing does to calories. Oh! Hello clueless blue-blood sucker! How’s the weather up there?” We bro-hoof “And yes, they are. And yes, blueblood, that just happened so…” I flick the switch on my top hat and my shades are lowered onto my face “Deal with it” "I'll get the sealing jar" I say, picking up a hidden jar and a long peice of paper Chrysalis teleports herself out and I clap my hands together, causing the sun to go supernova; the massive solar cleansing wiping him out, leaving a skinny white unicorn with long, matted hair surrounded by ashes. With another clap, the sun reverts; the chains lower the box as I enter "SEALING ART! ASH URN!" I command, the jar opening, sucking in the ashes with a whirlwind. I press the lid on and the slip of paper on top sticks to it. Grabbing the unconscious blueblood and hefting him over my shoulder, the box fades into thin air and the chains turn into spectral orbs embedded into the magic circle. As Luna raises the moon, I sigh “Well, I don’t know about you, but I am bushed from this adventure! After I take BB here to the horspital, I am going to sleep” Chrysalis trots over to me "Why did you need the ashes? He's dead" He may be faking and this is to make sure no one resurrects him" I hand the jar to Zecora and leave for the hospital Author's Note Jelly babies that also happened EpilogueI am napping in a tree when I hear rarity calling my name. I drop out of my tree and tap the porcelain mare on the shoulder; she turns around and smiles at me “Come with me, if you would” she says, leading to the everfree. When we get there, she seems to focus on distant sounds and jumps on a fat rat; crushing it with her hooves. She repeats this and levitates the carcasses to me “Uh… not to be rude but, I don’t eat meat… or fruits or vegetables for that matter; but if you have any bread that would be good!” I say, backing up “Oh! I’m sorry! It’s just that opal eats rats and… Oh dear…” she blushes (She is REALLY cute when she blushes all over /I>3<I) “That’s okay; you don’t have to worry about it. I’m just happy to see you out and about… Rarity, what are you-“ She bends her neck towards the dead rats and suddenly takes a bone-snapping “CHOMP!” out of one of the rats, splattering her mane and face with blood “BY ODIN’S WELL-KEPT EYESOCKET! Rarity! What’s-“ then I see them, though smaller, she still has canine teeth Wiping the blood of her muzzle and licks it clean… wait, eating rodents? Pouncing? Small, sharp canine teeth, licking herself clean… and now that I think about it, her eyes are slightly slitted… oh by the source of chaos… I did this to her! I look at her eating and sigh “I’m sorry, I am so very sorry rarity. I’ve turned you into a feline-pony hybrid… I didn’t know that my bloods’ copying ability could be absorbed… I’m so very sorry! Why fate, why?!” I shake my fist at the sky “Just when I think I’ve done some good, it’s that unforeseen consequence that ruins it all! Someday, someday I will break this cycle! Mark my words, I WILL! And when I do, I will fix EVERYTHING! ” “What are you talking about, I’m not a cat! Oh, the rats? Zecora said that I would have a little hunger for meat and blood for a few weeks; I do this every other day to replenish my bodies’ iron. Being a vampire apparently means that my body stops making it. I thought that if you ate some, then I could slip some for myself when you weren’t looking… What?” She replies, looking up at me I sigh and sit down “You have no idea what I just went through. And if you needed blood, all you have to do is ask. But my hand is still healing so where- oohh… Not my shoulder… getting… warm fuzzies…” I wrap my arm around her barrel, her hair tickling my neck and warm breath in my ear; I drift off to sleep Night falls and I am awoken by the howls of timberwolves and looking around, rarity is asleep on my chest. I pick her up and carry her back home, to the boutique and upon finding a sleeping sweetie belle on rarity’s couch, I heft her onto my other shoulder and lay them both in rarity’s bed, wishing them sweet dreams from the mistress of the night I fly to single, always bare tree on the top of canterlot’s mountain and climb up it, turning into a cat when I reach the top From my solitary perch I look down upon all of equestria, my eyes wide and alert, tails hanging over the branch and move with the wind A wide smile spreads across my face as I look at the moon “I wonder what my next adventure will be?” The end… Bonus chapter!“I haven’t seen AJ in a while… wonder what she’s up to…” I leap out of my tree and trot to sweet apple acres After a brief exchange with Big Macintosh, I open the door to the barn silently, sneaking a glimpse inside “Applejack, are you in here?” “No! An’ Ahm’ not copyin’ the manuscript with mah printin’ press ‘er nothin’! Ehehe…” she replies, laughing nervously “Liar” I reply, jumping over the bales of hay “What in the name of Athena are you doing?” In the corner of the barn, I see her in the middle of applying mascara to her lashes with one hoof and holding a mirror in another. On the ground are fanfics about her friends (the majority being “Twixie” and “Flutterdash”) cosmetics, beauty magazines, and astrology books all sitting in a hidden basement “Now Ah can explain all this!” she says, trying to hide the evidence behind her “You’re a closet girly-mare and you don’t want anypony finding out about it. You also have a shipping fetish for stories that include your friends; all of which are non-clop, because you have standards. You also swipe some of Rarity’s make-up when she isn’t looking. You also have a more than platonic interest in Rarity, and her being a vampire; not only with your choice of literature as of late, only stirred those feelings further. You have Pinkie Pie supply you with yeast so you can make apple ciders and moonshines in the dilapidated shed in the north-west fields, and in exchange, you help her with the more grueling physical tasks. That about sum up your secret life?” I list off, the color draining from her body “Y-yeah… that’s all of it…” she stutters “But if you give me a bit of your cider stash, I’ll keep quiet” I say, sitting down next to her “Fair enough” she pulls out two mugs and a casket and fills them “So… Rarity… how you gonna approach that?” Author's Note it looked bigger in word...
Chapter one: the first outing (or black mailing pinkie)CAROUSEL BOUTIQUE “Rarity, you’ve been cooped up in boutique since ‘the incident’ and I know a way to cure you” I call into the dark shop The door opens a crack, the pale pony with a pair of sharp, deep sapphire eyes looks out, her mane still immaculately kept “R-really? This isn’t one of your cruel and odd tests is it?” Squatting down to her level and stick out a pinkie (I being in my anthropomorphic form) “’Cross my heart (Though I lack one) hope to fly (though I have wings) stick a cupcake in my eye’ I am chaotic neutral, like valiant, though it was his fault you’re in this predicament in the first place, I am not lying” To this she takes my pinkie in her hoof and beckoned me in, dashing away from the light I let in My eyes adjust to night vision and I see the quivering, frail pony seamstress looking at my glowing eyes in animalistic fear. Lowering myself once more, I approach her; never breaking eye contact. I treat her like I would a feral cat, slowly extending my hand, I brush her muzzle, she flinches but does not run. Outstretching my other hand, I pull her into a hug, which she returns gently, then tightening as her tears start. I just hold her, letting her weep on my shoulder, her mascara and eyeliner running down my shoulder. I don’t know how long we sit there When her sobs subsided “I need to see how far along the conversion is, do you mind?” with a slow nod, and a tear, she complies Checking her pulse, heartbeat, eyes, and sensitivity to light, the examination proves that that she is in the second stage of 5. Her worried expression says she doesn’t understand. I smile, she returns it but suddenly finds herself wrapped in a black blanket, through the hole she made with her horn she sees the door to the outside open I unroll her into the shade of her shop and she proceeds to grumble and check her mane “the ceremony to cure you has to happen during the day, ease yourself out, I can wait” Nodding, she sticks a hoof out and then a leg, which results in a soft “PSH…” sound and rarity squeaking, then another hoof, which does not react, then her whole body, which surprises me as she stands tall… then slumps For the next two minutes we walk until she collapses, her breathing shallow and labored. I help her into a dark alley and put my hand near her mouth, she looks up with one squinted eye and raises an eyebrow “You need to restore your strength, bite my hand” I say “NO! Won’t you turn as well?” she replies, looking at me with dull, lifeless eyes “No, I am immune to the vampire necrogen, besides, having 5 faux hearts, I can spare a lot” she looks at the bite marks already there “Oh, right, being so old, I carry a lot of psychic energy, especially love so chrysalis feeds off it and gives it to rogue changelings who aren’t convinced that love can be given freely, and-“ I stop, feeling a light pinch on my hand. Looking down, I see rarity’s closed mouth, her nostrils flaring as she breathes, and her fangs piercing my skin, but I hardly feel it, like donating blood (well… then again, it is technically “donating”. Huh, something to think about) the tips of her fangs making holes at the bottom of chrysalis’ fang marks. But as her fangs absorb the blood, her eyes shoot open, jerks out her fangs and looks at me with fear “I… saw a glimpse of… your life, you’re so… sad and lonely… You’re older than the princesses… you… you’ve seen so much, and your eyes… are empty of life; dull, old eyes who have wept for every single death you couldn’t stop, every friend, enemy, ally, companion, and innocent. That have seen what never should be seen” she whispers “What in celestia’s name are you? How can you be so old?” “To answer your question, I am an immortal, para-pan-dimensional ‘cat’ that, by all the laws of the universe, should not exist. I am looking for my final resting place, to find the reason why I can’t die. But I will help anyone who needs it, if my past disturbs you, I’ll go to a blood bank and get some blood for you” I reply As I turn to go, rarity extends a hoof and grabs my jacket “I find that you love being able to help, to save as many live as you can, to help those in need to wipe away their tears, bewilder them with your otherworldliness, but nopony sees the sadness in your heart, the faint lines of ancient and fresh tears. The searing scars on your spirit, to feel the pain every action causes. You give, but never receive, you are a brave, ancient soul. One that hears the individual death wails of each one you couldn’t save. I do not find your past repulsive, but inspiring, by the colors and the patterns. Please, give me your memories, you are a living story, please?” she replies, holding my hand in her hooves “F-fine, sure, I have blood to spare” I reply nervously, her honesty shocking me; but that shock is replaced by a subtle warmth, warming my core, as she gently bites my hand, savoring my memories, her eyes lullingly close, her hair tickling my skin. All of this induces sleep I don’t care if anypony sees us like this… I just want to sleep… “HI GUYS!!!!!” …damn iiiiittt Standing at the entrance of the alley is pinkie pie, in all her pinkie goodness. Her pupils shrink, scratches her nose, her back left hoof goes limp, and her tail starts spinning clock-wise “(GASP) rarity, are you a vampire?” she asks as I proceed to face palm. “What if she is?” I cup her ear in my other hand and whisper into her ear “Pinkie, don’t tell anypony or I’ll tell them (whisper whisper whisper whisper)” her hair deflates and turns greyish “H-h-h-how?” she whispers, quivering “I was on the ceiling, making a documentary about you; which is being played tonight, please come to it!” I hand her a flier She sulks away until something catches her eye and hops away
Chapter two: the gifts (or I have friends in high, low, and even higher places)After walking around in the sun for a few minutes, rarity’s resistance shot up! “Where the buck did that voice come from?” I ask, looking around “What voi-EEK!” rarity squeaks as a blur rams into her, breaking her focus “AAAGGHH!! It burns! It burns! Make it stop!” she screams Summoning a black umbrella, I place it over her as she starts to heal “Whoa, that was not what I expected, what happened?” rainbow dash mutters, rubbing her head “Oh, you know, nearly killing one of your friends with your reckless flying, the usual” I mutter as rarity takes the umbrella “OH! Sorry rarity! I- why do you have an umbrella?” “Pale skin, she might get burned and all of her hats are out of season” I say as-a-matter-of-factly “Actually, I was looking for you, could you pass out these fliers to my movie? If you do, I will give you nose-bleed seats to the next … whatchamacallit game… it has the golden parasprite in it?” “You mean bit-scratch? Yeah its fun but… wait, did you say ‘nosebleed’? As in, over-looking the whole field? Those are worth several thousand bits! How did you get these?!” her jaw drops at the slips I held in my hoof “I know a mare that is banging the lead offense player who got these through contract, and as a give-away thing, she didn’t want them because she just likes the guy, and she gave them to me because I helped clear her mother of breaking and entering charges, and I don’t want them because I don’t like sports” I explain, hoofing them to her “BY CELESTIA’S BEARD! These are golden VIP passes! I… I can’t take these… really” she pushes them back “I insist, otherwise they would go to waste” “This is… so generous” she mutters, looking at them “Well, rarity is rubbing off on me” I chuckle as the mare takes the fliers to the air Approaching the pale mare I look down at her “Plan on sitting there all day rares?” “No, just… waiting for you” she mutters, picking up the umbrella with her magic “Well, ONWARDS to sweet apple acres!” I yell the unicorn keeping pace even though she has covered her whole face with the umbrella I was walking up to the barn when rarity faints. As I pick her up, I think to try and formulate a new plan to cure her. Walking into the barn, I set the unconscious bundle of pony on a hay stack and look for apple jack. Spotting the young farmer hunched near a light crystal, I approach her and pull up my pants and do my best “foghorn leghorn” impression “Ah say apple jack, ah say, what in tarnation are y’all readin’ wit’ all o’ that focus?” she jumps up with an adorable “squeak” noise. “’The applewood vampire diaries’?” I turn to the audience and put my hand in front of my lips “Ironic, isn’t it?” turning back to apple jack “Ah say youngun’, ah say this is the kahnd of readin’ lit’ure that puts impure an’ lustful thoughts into yer’ head. Now wah in celestia’s name are y’all readin’ this kahnd o’ smut; an’ ah’m not talkin’ ‘bout corn smut!” “Please! Don’ tell anypony ah lahk girly romance novels! Ah get rarity to get ‘em for me in exchange for… things… She’s the reason ah got into these things in the first place!” she yells, rousing the sleeping rarity’s blood lust. She stalks around to the side of the hay bail AJ is behind “Hm, well then,” I say, breaking character “what if I was to say that I had the completed manuscript to the final book, you know, the one the author died writing?” I ask, rummaging through my pockets. “Y-you have it?! H-how?! The rumors said that he left it to his closest friend; was that you?! Everypony has been trying to understand the author’s massages at the end of each book!” she hops up, nearly breaking the light crystal “’My friend/ who should not be/ but is eternal/ searching for the end/ of warm body, but no heart/ eyes of all sights, yet blind/ impossible paradoxical/ older than time, yet never running out/ makes the impossible possible/ whimsical wish granter/ tester of hearts/ I am glad to call you/ my friend’” I say, never missing a beat “Hungry…” rarity growls, pouncing at AJ “What in tarnation?! Rarity! What’s wrong with you?!” apple jack gasps as I grab her mid-air “Let me go! She is a delicious orange! She has plenty of blood to give me!” she hisses. I put my hand in her mouth, she goes limp, losing consciousness. I explain the situation and ask if we can stay a while; she complies, bringing me a blanket, some iron pills, and a jug of water.
Chapter 3: revenge (or, watch where you sit)I hand AJ the manuscript and thank her for the hospitality; borrowing the blanket, I wrap rarity (hand and all) in a bundle which I put around my neck like a sling, her blue eyes peeking out of the fabric As I turn to leave, AJ rears up on her hind legs and grabs my shoulders in a vise like grip (how she does this with hooves I haven’t the slightest) “Y’all can cure her right? You won’t let her stay that way will ya?” she asks, her deep emerald eyes brimming with tears “The ceremony is very painful and there is no guarantee it will work, but I will try my best” I promise to her, running to the library Approaching the library, I see valiant with the cutie mark crusaders working on a smaller walker. As I go to say hello, my ditzy senses activate and looking up, the grey Pegasus is passing by; flagging her down from the right with a muffin, and as she gets closer, I slip to the left (the eye she has no control over) and place the muffin near Valliant’s rear and watch the CMC’s jump behind the tree house. Valiant picks up the muffin “What th-“ then ditzy tackles him “MYYYYYYYYYYY MMMMUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!” she knocks his canister of hydrogen and miniature gas engine; the impact causes a huge fire ball, which, because of ditzy’s special talent, she is unharmed. Valliant however, is not so lucky, and is shot skywards by the updraft, and for some reason, lightning strikes him. Landing on a pile of dirt, he looks around “Is it over?” then, lightning strikes him again (apparently, in equestria, lightning does strike the same place twice) Rarity pokes her head out to see the source of the noise and girly screaming, seeing valiant blowing himself up again (most times that has happened in a day: six, it was a Thursday, he doesn’t seem to get the hang of Thursdays) He comes to in the library as I invite uptight snootle and spike to the movie “THAT ONE IS GOING ON MY KILL LIST!!” Valiant yells “Muffin?” a sweet voice asks “Yes, thank you” he replies, then notices who gave it to him “WHAT IN HOLY HELL?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE (B)UCKING DEAD!!!!!” he screams, throwing the muffin at her, which she dodges and then pinkie jumps out of the book shelf, intercepts, and then disappears as she hits the ground “Well… moving on… valiant, you are begrudgingly invited to my movie tonight” I turn around and hand ditzy 4 fliers “Ditzy, I want you to come and bring sparkler, and dinky, and the doctor, if he doesn’t I will dye him pink and sparkly” the mare salutes and flies off to her house Turning back to valiant I start to berate him “Valiant, don’t use such foul language around small fillies and colts, especially when they have more raw magic in their nose than uptight snootle has with the element of magic” I jerk my thumb in twilight’s direction “I am not uptight! Nor am I snooty! Why do you and that crazy doctor always call me that?!” she yells “First off, it’s true, second off, you did not deny that dinky is far stronger than you are and she is a quarter your age” I then pull out a blow pop “You are so uptight and snooty that I bet you can’t even spell ‘fun’!” “I can spell it! F-U-“ she starts “WHOA WHOA WHOA! WOAH!... WHOA! …… WHOA! No need to use such foul language! Honestly! Do you kiss your teacher’s fat rear with those lips?!” I cry, summoning a bar of soap in twilight’s mouth (I don’t care what minuette says, soap is the best way to clean out a dirty mouth; but then again, she is the only dentist that carries relatively cheap flavorless toothpaste though)
Chapter 4: at the movie (or the more you know)Chapter 4: at the movie (or the more you know) “Welcome fillies, gentlecolts, pegasi, unicorns, mentlegen, ladies, and other beings, this will be the first showing of ‘the pinkie files: a week in the life of the party pony’ First off, safety, make sure all extremities are within the black border on the ground. Now, black box; APPEAR!” 5 pitch black squares grow from the lines, the last sealing the top of the box “Do not panic, this is for your protection; though why you need it I can’t disclose” “Anyhowdle… this would not be possible without some friends: first, Queen Chrysalis! For extras and of course, the use of her multiplex computer!” the changeling queen stands and bows in the spot light “Discord! For PR and being his usual chaotic self!” the dragonequis is suddenly on a stage and is crowned by himself with a bouquet of roses, his make-up and dress shimmering in the spot light and bows, fire arrows being shot at him by unknown archers “Rarity Belle, for costumes, make-up, and disguises, but due to a sudden illness, could not make it” “Rusty nail for the materials and props, and maintenance on the aforementioned items!” the rust colored stallion bows “Vinyl Scratch! For showing me how to use all of the technology, sounds, music, audio, visual, comic relief, and consultation!” the light falls on her and she cringes “Get it off me! It burns! My eyes!” After making sure she is okay I get back in front “Let the movie, begin!” the advertisements start to roll: A black cat is walking through rain and into a log cabin. In there sits a man, only his silhouette is visible in the fire light; he picks up the cat and starts to pet it, taking his hat off ant turns to look through the screen his green and yellow eyes boring shimmering in the firelight. The picture stops and the words “a black cat studios picture” A sign appears “Please take all hats off” AJ does and her hair explodes, scaring everypony “Having a bad mane day Applejack?” I ask, barely holding my laughter “Now what are y’all lookin’ at? Did’ja think ah was bald under mah hat?” she asks, turning around and poking Rainbow in the eye “%$?!@#&Q!!!” Rainbow starts to grumble like a one-eyed dare devil (Which she is) I clap my hooves and with a grey poof of smoke; Aj’s hair is back in its usual style and rainbow’s eye is no longer comically dented “LIGHTS! OFF!” I command, the overhead lights dimming as the movie starts “Presented and produced in association with: “The Hodgepodge company ‘Making a more chaotic tomorrow, today’, Hive interactive entertainment ‘Working for your love since the first exile’, Carousel boutique ‘Where everything is chic, unique, and magnifique’ and Bad wolf pictures ‘protecting you from invasions’” In the back row, a semi-manly scream is heard followed by the sounds of a weeping brit (Mission accomplished) A deep voice echoes across the theatre “Pinkamena Diane Pie, a being that defies all reason. Doing the physically impossible with ease. Is she a mutated changeling that feeds off the happiness of others, a being born from chaos, unreason, or dreams? “Let’s start at the beginning shall we? “Born to the pie family of rock farmers, the oldest of three, Inkamena Roxanne Pie and Blinkamena Brianne Pie. She spent the early years of life rolling rocks down a hill during the wet season, and rolling them up in the dry season, and down again. When she gained her cutie mark, she became as she is now. On that same night, 11 magic stones appeared in her room… shards of a super element. Her new attitude was not the best for rock farming, so her parents loaded her into an old rock catapult with her valuables, and shot her away. Her awoken powers opened a hole in reality and activated the mystic stones she had. One bonded to her head, turning her hair into a mess of springs stronger than iron yet more elastic than rubber and gained the ability to stow objects in it, even if the resulting mass was greater than her whole body. Four fused to her hooves and twisted them into springs, think about how much that would hurt… feel free to pass out or retch… I can wait… one fused to her very core and unlocked all genetic possibilities, including alicornism, and the powers of an ancient ancestor, the power of a tricorn. Two fused to her forehooves and made the laws of conservation of matter null and void. And a powerful source code stone with two stones of process embedded into her brain and eyes respectively. They activated and she saw the beginning, the end, and everything in between. She saw beyond the dimensional barrier, (and the fourth wall) every possible outcome, worlds not yet born and destroyed, see what should not be seen, and broke her mind. “Most would have died from all of that information, but instead her mind broke into sentient fragments, each a small part of that power, but also embodying a facet of her psyche “This is the list of confirmed personalities: Pinkie pie: default Pinkamena: a foal, represents sadness and lonliness Pinkamena diane pie: she is murderous, malicious, cold, and calculating; makes food from the corpses of her victims who are assigned a number and drawn at random (according to a rumor) also knows the best way to torture her enemies. Recognizable by her homicidal grin, deflated hair, and sharp pointy killy things in her hooves. Represents… you don’t want to know, trust me on this, you do not want to know Punkie pie: a behemoth of strength and muscle, takes no prisoners, more than likely to step on you for being in the way. 10 feet tall, dark make-up, spiked hair, spiked steel armor, studded corset and boots, and a collar with a chain attached. Represents anger and hostility Pagan pie: a very superstitious pony, often wearing a cow skull on her head, a dried leaf skirt, and many necklaces. Represents pinkie sense Painter pie: artistic, prone to covering herself with paint and throwing herself at walls. Represents creativity Passion pie: a very emotional mare with a nervous streak when sober… pretty much like fluttershy. Noticeable traits are akin to the aforementioned pegasus. Represents love, passion, obsession, lust, etc. Peppy pie: need I say more? Recognizable by the soda hat and huge bag of candy Pervy pie: the… (ahem!) ‘mare of comfortable shoes’ known to wear frilly cloths Piffle pie: craziness, insanity, randomness, impossibility; identifiable by spinning eyes and huge grin Persie pie: ability to see the truth in all things; has crystal eyes Pity pie: sarcasm, constantly condescending tone Dianne: boredom; discernible by bored or bemused expression, flat hair, grayish in color “As she descended, she crashed into the one place that would contain her, sugar cube corner… the rest is, as they say, history. How do I know all of this? Who do you think opened the rift? “Now that you know the history, let’s get to the present” The screen fades in onto a sleeping pinkie, in a surprisingly orderly room. Her bed tilts downwards as a trapdoor opens, dropping her into a chute Wallace and Grommet style and the chute drops her into a room filled with books and a sleeping alicorn “WAKEY WAKEY EGGS AND CAKEY!!” she yells, rousing the alicorn “Mmrph… release the guard pony…” she mutters into her pillow, pulling a hanging rope With a gallop, a fluffy pink pony bounds up the steps with an ax in its mouth. It gasps, drops the ax and runs towards the camera; pinkie presses a knot hole in the wall and is enveloped by light in the background. The fluffy pink pony jumps on the camera mare and starts to lick her “Stop! Bad fluffy pink pony! HELP!!” The screen goes black The picture returns with pinkie bouncing around, and then she stops in mid-air, turns around, and starts bouncing into an alley wall, with the camera stallion following “Well, when following a pinkie…” the wall gets close and the screen is bathed in a psychedelic rainbow The ground is yellow and pink plaid and the sky… isn’t there “How did you get in here?! Nothing besides a pinkie may enter; now begone from new cubic zirconia!!” a huge pink pelted , flaming armor wearing behemoth rumbles, eyes of lava and burning coals “Punkie pie, I presume” the camera pony extends a hoof The behemoth shrinks to the usual pinkie “Hey! Why are you still in my head?! I don’t think I made you… did I? No, too many dark colors” “This is the inside of your head? Where’s the cotton candy clouds and chocolate milk rain? And more importantly, where are the other pinkies?” the camera pony asks, looking around “Um…hi?” a weak, voice mutters from below the camera. The camera lowers and a small, greyish-pink foal looking scared. The camera pony extends his hoof, flat end up. The foal shuffles closer and nuzzles it, smiling a little [CUTE OVERLOAD! SHUT DOWN IMMINANT] In bright red letters the message “Day 3” blinks on and off “For the past two hours, pinkie has stared at that statue… Honestly, what the heck am I supposed to- (BOOM!) Whoa! What happened?!” Author's Note yes, I did break out a dictionary to make the list
chapter 5: Judgement (Or you lose blood sucker)In the middle of the everfree, me, rarity, vinyl scratch, the two princesses, blueblood in a cage, zecora, a pile of silver ore, a large, hole-ridden reinforced glass box, and an underbrush covered magic circle “Um… aunties? Why am I here?” Blueblood whines, looking for answers in stoic faces “Vinyl, what do you see?” I ask as she pulls her element over her head “Well, I see a sniveling pretty colt in a box. My element is showing me a vampony in a velvet robe” she shudders and removes the necklace, her element still too taxing I think to myself I walk Rarity into the box, and Luna raises it with her magic as I activate the circle, the underbrush burning away as magic courses through it; the silver transforms into enchanted chains and shoot through the holes, spiked ends embedding in trees and the ground, holding the box suspended in mid-air. Zecora chants the activation spell for the runes on the chains and they strengthen ten-fold I nod to the princesses and Luna lowers the moon and fatty raises the sun. With the sun overhead, both ponies start to burn “Won’t ponies notice that the sun has risen and come investigate?” fatty asks, turning to me Looking up at rarity sitting down, I bump my bandaged, fang-marked hand against my chest “No, that was the purpose of the movie and the black box. The box blocks outside light and sound, so they won’t notice a thing” “Let me out of here you insufferable ponies!” blueblood yells, when his body starts to change; his flesh breaking apart, revealing a fanged, skeleton-esque figure “So that’s what vampires look like here! I would take a picture but I don’t think that would work” I say as blueblood begins to writhe in the box, but rarity starts to smoke “I will outlast this puny pony! Then I will slaughter all of you!” he bellows when something surprising happens Rarity starts to laugh “Pfft… Sorry, I can’t hold it in anymore!” Rarity snickers, green fire enveloping her form, white turning to black and her violet hair turns into hole-ridden darkish emerald “Stupid blueblood! I already cured her! She’s right here!” I open my jacket and rarity sticks her head out of a white paper bag in one of my inner pockets “Are these ‘Jelly babies’ low in fat? I would hate to imagine how the whole ‘Smaller-on-the-outside’ thing does to calories. Oh! Hello clueless blue-blood sucker! How’s the weather up there?” We bro-hoof “And yes, they are. And yes, blueblood, that just happened so…” I flick the switch on my top hat and my shades are lowered onto my face “Deal with it” "I'll get the sealing jar" I say, picking up a hidden jar and a long peice of paper Chrysalis teleports herself out and I clap my hands together, causing the sun to go supernova; the massive solar cleansing wiping him out, leaving a skinny white unicorn with long, matted hair surrounded by ashes. With another clap, the sun reverts; the chains lower the box as I enter "SEALING ART! ASH URN!" I command, the jar opening, sucking in the ashes with a whirlwind. I press the lid on and the slip of paper on top sticks to it. Grabbing the unconscious blueblood and hefting him over my shoulder, the box fades into thin air and the chains turn into spectral orbs embedded into the magic circle. As Luna raises the moon, I sigh “Well, I don’t know about you, but I am bushed from this adventure! After I take BB here to the horspital, I am going to sleep” Chrysalis trots over to me "Why did you need the ashes? He's dead" He may be faking and this is to make sure no one resurrects him" I hand the jar to Zecora and leave for the hospital Author's Note Jelly babies that also happened
EpilogueI am napping in a tree when I hear rarity calling my name. I drop out of my tree and tap the porcelain mare on the shoulder; she turns around and smiles at me “Come with me, if you would” she says, leading to the everfree. When we get there, she seems to focus on distant sounds and jumps on a fat rat; crushing it with her hooves. She repeats this and levitates the carcasses to me “Uh… not to be rude but, I don’t eat meat… or fruits or vegetables for that matter; but if you have any bread that would be good!” I say, backing up “Oh! I’m sorry! It’s just that opal eats rats and… Oh dear…” she blushes (She is REALLY cute when she blushes all over /I>3<I) “That’s okay; you don’t have to worry about it. I’m just happy to see you out and about… Rarity, what are you-“ She bends her neck towards the dead rats and suddenly takes a bone-snapping “CHOMP!” out of one of the rats, splattering her mane and face with blood “BY ODIN’S WELL-KEPT EYESOCKET! Rarity! What’s-“ then I see them, though smaller, she still has canine teeth Wiping the blood of her muzzle and licks it clean… wait, eating rodents? Pouncing? Small, sharp canine teeth, licking herself clean… and now that I think about it, her eyes are slightly slitted… oh by the source of chaos… I did this to her! I look at her eating and sigh “I’m sorry, I am so very sorry rarity. I’ve turned you into a feline-pony hybrid… I didn’t know that my bloods’ copying ability could be absorbed… I’m so very sorry! Why fate, why?!” I shake my fist at the sky “Just when I think I’ve done some good, it’s that unforeseen consequence that ruins it all! Someday, someday I will break this cycle! Mark my words, I WILL! And when I do, I will fix EVERYTHING! ” “What are you talking about, I’m not a cat! Oh, the rats? Zecora said that I would have a little hunger for meat and blood for a few weeks; I do this every other day to replenish my bodies’ iron. Being a vampire apparently means that my body stops making it. I thought that if you ate some, then I could slip some for myself when you weren’t looking… What?” She replies, looking up at me I sigh and sit down “You have no idea what I just went through. And if you needed blood, all you have to do is ask. But my hand is still healing so where- oohh… Not my shoulder… getting… warm fuzzies…” I wrap my arm around her barrel, her hair tickling my neck and warm breath in my ear; I drift off to sleep Night falls and I am awoken by the howls of timberwolves and looking around, rarity is asleep on my chest. I pick her up and carry her back home, to the boutique and upon finding a sleeping sweetie belle on rarity’s couch, I heft her onto my other shoulder and lay them both in rarity’s bed, wishing them sweet dreams from the mistress of the night I fly to single, always bare tree on the top of canterlot’s mountain and climb up it, turning into a cat when I reach the top From my solitary perch I look down upon all of equestria, my eyes wide and alert, tails hanging over the branch and move with the wind A wide smile spreads across my face as I look at the moon “I wonder what my next adventure will be?” The end…
Bonus chapter!“I haven’t seen AJ in a while… wonder what she’s up to…” I leap out of my tree and trot to sweet apple acres After a brief exchange with Big Macintosh, I open the door to the barn silently, sneaking a glimpse inside “Applejack, are you in here?” “No! An’ Ahm’ not copyin’ the manuscript with mah printin’ press ‘er nothin’! Ehehe…” she replies, laughing nervously “Liar” I reply, jumping over the bales of hay “What in the name of Athena are you doing?” In the corner of the barn, I see her in the middle of applying mascara to her lashes with one hoof and holding a mirror in another. On the ground are fanfics about her friends (the majority being “Twixie” and “Flutterdash”) cosmetics, beauty magazines, and astrology books all sitting in a hidden basement “Now Ah can explain all this!” she says, trying to hide the evidence behind her “You’re a closet girly-mare and you don’t want anypony finding out about it. You also have a shipping fetish for stories that include your friends; all of which are non-clop, because you have standards. You also swipe some of Rarity’s make-up when she isn’t looking. You also have a more than platonic interest in Rarity, and her being a vampire; not only with your choice of literature as of late, only stirred those feelings further. You have Pinkie Pie supply you with yeast so you can make apple ciders and moonshines in the dilapidated shed in the north-west fields, and in exchange, you help her with the more grueling physical tasks. That about sum up your secret life?” I list off, the color draining from her body “Y-yeah… that’s all of it…” she stutters “But if you give me a bit of your cider stash, I’ll keep quiet” I say, sitting down next to her “Fair enough” she pulls out two mugs and a casket and fills them “So… Rarity… how you gonna approach that?” Author's Note it looked bigger in word...
