Yogscast in Equestria

Discord was just going about his own business, he had just arrived for a visit with Fluttershy, when suddenly.

"*ATCHOO* Oh dear, why did that just happen?" he wondered, about to prepare a teleport back to the castle, when suddenly again:

*ATCHOO*

"Oh dear, I'll go get some tissues for you," Fluttershy assured, quickly trotting out of the room to find the much-needed tissues.

*ATCHOO, ATCHOO, ATCHOO, ATCHOO*

"*ATCHOO* Oh Fluttershy, what makes that?" the god of chaos mumbled, wondering why he had just had a sneezing fit for no reason.

"Um, I don't know why you're sneezing, Discord, I'm sorry," the yellow pegasus apologized, coming back into the room with the box of tissues.

"I don't know either, but I meant to ask how many times did I just sneeze? I lost count after potato," the god of chaos asked, taking one and blowing his nose so hard the tissue turned into a bouquet of white daisies.

"Um, seven, seven times," Fluttershy had counted, that was too many times to have a symbolic meaning by any chart she knew.

"Oh, okay," the draconequus said, feeling a lot better already, "Thank you dear little Fluttershy, I'll be on my way now." he gave the kind mare a goodbye hug and teleported away in a flash of gray, brown, and rainbow colored light.

Fluttershy was about to there was a crack of lightning outside, a lone crack of lightning, neither preceded nor followed by anything.

"That was strange, I wonder what caused that?" Fluttershy pondered as she looked out of the window.

Out in the garden, there was a motionless mass on the ground, it looked hurt.

Immediately she stepped outside, slowly getting closer, if this was some sort of dangerous predator, it might be pretending to be hurt in order to lure her close enough to kill her.

"Ohhhhh, uuuggghhhhh, unnnnhhhh, uuhhhhhh." it groaned, it was a female, judging by the pitch of its voice, but the rose-maned mare didn't want to accidentally offend it, so her conclusion on that would have to wait.

"Um, hello?" Fluttershy tentatively greeted, staying a few feet away.

It looked odd, its body was definitely that of a female mammal, long brown hair, breasts, and flared hips, definitely a female mammal.

The hair looked out of place, though, it was brown, but it had a yellow stripe and red stripe in it, it looked almost like a recolor of Twilight's mane, but more in Applejack's style, as it was tied into a ponytail.

However, it had a strange green lens over its left eye, and its right arm was metallic and very dangerous looking.

The pegasus was about to leave, but she froze up in fear as the creature groaned and sat up.

--

"Ohhhh, my everything, what happened?" Zoey groaned as she sat up, holding her hands up to her head, but her right hand didn't feel right, err, like it should have.

She opened her blurry eyes fully, feeling her hands, the left one was the soft, fleshy one she was used to, but the right one felt like metal.

The brunette rubbed her eyes and looked around, trying to see clearly.

Several blinks later, and she found that she was in the middle of some sort of forest path, maybe a walkway in a park?

No, that wasn't right, just a minute ago she had been inside, playing that crazy game of Minecraft Lewis and Ridgedog had organized, the only way she could have gotten here was either teleportation or dreaming, and right now the latter seemed correct, judging from how she looked like her Minecraft skin.

"Um, excuse me, if you don't mind me asking, but... um... who are you?" she turned towards the quiet voice, and found a yellow thing standing a few feet away.

"What the?" her vision finally cleared up fully, and she saw the cutest animal she'd ever seen.

So naturally, she hugged it.

"EEP!" it yelped, oh gosh this thing was just so cute!

Zoey just sat there, hugging it for a few minutes, it smelled like butter and nature, a surprisingly good combination for a smell.

--

Suddenly, a flash of gray, brown, and rainbow colored light erupted near the pair, startling Zoey and Fluttershy both.

"Oh wait, I forgot, I'm not due back at the castle for another three hours, oh well, hello thingy, what's your name?" Discord explained, greeting the human with curiosity.

"Oh, um... I'm..." Zoey felt like she should lie, but her Minecraft username was the same as her own name, WAIT! "My name is Proasheck, sorry my brain is feeling slow right now, hehe," she lied, hoping her fake excuse would be enough.

"Well Miss Proasheck, I must say your arm looks quite neat-o," the draconequus complimented.

"Oh thanks, it looks kinda like terminator's arm, which is pretty cool, I am the Proinator, *snort-laugh*." the part-robot woman laughed at her own impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Today seemed like it would be fun, if she could spend it with this pony and this... weird thing.

-Meanwhile, in a field near Ponyville-

Rainbow Dash was struggling to get out from under this fat thing that had mysteriously impacted with her and landed on her while she was flying.

Normally she could-if only for a few seconds-lift a statue twice the weight of her house, but that was when she was prepared and had leverage, right now even her wings were squished under this thing.

"Why, nnnnhhhha, won't you, gaahhhhhh, MOVE!" she complained, did this thing eat pie and lard for a living?

--

Duncan groaned as he woke up, he dreamed of sleeping with Fluttershy, well... not like that, he wasn't like that. He dreamt more like... cuddling with her whilst being asleep, like having a pony pillow.

Using his arms to push his overweight torso up, he got to his feet and stretched, getting the kinks out of his back, he felt like he had slept on a rock covered in a single layer of feathers.

His hair felt a lot messier than usual, as well as really greasy, he had just showered that morning, what was up with this?

His goatee felt a bit like a wire brush, and he was, for some reason, wearing the same outfit as his Minecraft character, did Minecraft characters bathe?

Suddenly a gravelly female voice spoke up.

--

"HEY! What was the big idea with laying on me?" Rainbow demanded, flying up to this things face, it was tall, like six feet and four inches tall, if her judgment of distance hadn't been crushed along with her body.

"What the? Oh hey it's Rainbow Dash, too bad I didn't get to cuddle with Fluttershy, oh well," he said, feeling a bit disappointed, he reached into his labcoat to look for what was giving him that ever-so-slightly weighted feeling.

He had the Necronomicon, which said 'read' on the cover, his hands itched, then again since his character never took off the gloves, he probably had a sweaty, pus-filled rash or something, given that he was now fused to his character's biology and statistics, or something.

He pulled off his gloves to scratch his hands, only to stop when it was revealed that his hands were nothing but bones and joints.

"Okay then, it appears that I have contracted bone-itis, AKA bone inflammation, maybe," the tall blonde said, scratching his hands, they felt okay after a bit, just a little stiff, but a few scratches and stretches got rid of that.

"What the buck is up with you, dude?" the speedster asked, confused.

"Ooh, cool tactical machetes, me likey." Duncan pulled out a pair of black, twenty-seven-inch long bladed swords and crossed them in front of him.

Duncan swing them a few times, getting a feel for the swords, "Pret-ty cool," he admired, putting them away again, then pulling out an M249 SAW.

He had somehow immediately found his Minecraft inventory, which he had changed to the 'i' key, and accessed these items.

"Bloody awesome, hmmm PEW-PEW." he pulled the trigger.

The LMG fired off a few rounds, and Duncan's eyes suddenly lost their childlike joy.

"Wait, what the fuck?" he fired off a few more rounds, yes, these were real.

He was real.

The bullets were real.

This gun was real.

He was in Equestria, or Rainbow Dash was on earth.

His eyes regained their childlike joy, it was a possibility, and there was only one way to be sure...

--

Rainbow Dash watched as the tall, fat, blond haired, bipedal thing quickly put away his loud, weird looking machine and started running off faster than Fluttershy did when scared.

--

He ran, faster than Simon would run towards a mountain of free Jaffa Cakes, he saw a white-stone-and-straw-roof town in the distance, so either he was near Ponyville or in 18th century Scotland.

Rainbow Dash's presence made the former seem a lot more likely.

He was running so fast that he had to hold one hand to his goggles to keep them from flying off, after all: safety first! (at least for the eyes, not so much for the rest of the body)

He didn't care about the insanity of the situation, insanity was fun, and having a real M249SAW and a real pair of tactical machetes (granted he owned one back home, but having two was synergistically three times the fun), and was apparently a Lich, if the Necronomicon had been read.

He knew this because: as a Minecraft item, it had given him a 'phylactery block', which was now a 'phylactery coin', a three centimeter wide gold coin with his Youtube avatar on the 'heads' side and a pile of shit on the 'tails' side.

At least, he thought those were the 'heads' and 'tails' side, or else the coin was being really offensive and calling him a shithead and an assface at the same time.

Oh well, today seemed like it would be a good day, if he could get a hug from Fluttershy.

-Meanwhile, inside Sugarcube Corner-

"Excuse me, this is a bakery is it not? I want Jaffa Cakes, can I get some BLOODY SERVICE?!" Simon yelled for the ninth time, he had been up for several minutes, and it felt like days since he'd eaten, luckily he was in a bakery, but it seemed to be a shitty one.

"I'm only going to ask one more time, then I'm stealing this stuff, I want Jaffa Cakes, can I get some bloody service?" he asked, and nothing replied.

"Well then, fuck this," he metaphorically pressed the 'i' key and brought up his inventory, pulling out his diamond axe, he slammed it down onto the display glass, "AAAAGH!"

*THUNK* except it was actually plastic, so it didn't shatter.

Suddenly, something poked at his shoulder, he turned around to see what it was, axe in his hand, the sight that greeted his eyes though...

"Um, excuse me Mister Dwarf Guy, why are you attacking the Cake's display case?" Pinkie asked, not perturbed at all by this armed human.

"D'aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW!!! Aguu!" Simon gushed as he squeezed Pinkie tight, the party pony responding by hugging him back and giggling.

"Heehee, wow, you're a good hugger mister,"

"I am Honeydew of Khaz Modan, I have travelled across the vast expanses of spaaaa-aaaaace to be your friend," he said in a cutesy voice, putting away his axe in favor of his bare hands to hug with.

Several minutes of hugging later, the shorter-than-before man broke off and his stomach growled.

"I hunger for your pastries, could I perhaps acquire some cupcakes?" he asked in a tone that had an eerie resemblance of Saladfingers.

"Okie dokie lokie then, I have a bunch already made," Pinkie informed, bouncing into the kitchen and returned with a tray of cupcakes balanced on her head.

"I love you," Simon said as he took two cupcakes and ate them loud of messily, a few crumbs spraying away from his face as one of them was gone in two seconds, followed by the other one two seconds later, "Oh, I feel like I'm eating in Minecraft," he noted.

Suddenly a breeze rolled in through the partially open window, and he felt a draft.

He looked down, finding himself wearing his character's slightly saggy black jeans that showed his pubes, a single bandolier with no shirt, and even a horned helmet on his head, he was also standing about five foot six, about five inches shorter than he usually was, probably due to being a dwarf now.

He ate a few more cupcakes, Pinkie was surprised by how quickly this guy could eat.

Suddenly, a large thing crashed in through the window, shattering the glass pane with its body, Simon didn't wait to find out who or what it was, he just started jumping up and down and swinging his diamond axe at it.

"Hey Simo-AGH AGH AG-" Duncan's greeting was cut off by his death, he had jumped through the window because he felt like it.

In only a few seconds, Simon's wild swinging had killed him, taking away three and a half hearts per hit, he was dead in three hits.

"What the-? OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?!" Simon shouted, something sudden had just happened, and he had responded by murdering it.

And now one of his best friends was dead, because of him.

The blonde's dead body disappeared in a puff of white smoke, leaving behind only his Phylactery Coin.

"Whoa, that evil dude was all like CRASH, 'hey what's up', and you were all like 'not you today villain', and THEEEEN, you hacked him up like a bad chef with a cake, that was funny!" Pinkie cheered, bouncing up and down and making hoof-gestures to emphasize her statements.

"Maybe it wasn't Duncan then, Dunc's a good guy, and I don't think he'd crash in through a window, he knows better than that, he'd use the bloody door," Simon reasoned, concluding that he had done a good thing.

That coin looked cool, he picked it up and pocketed it, his keen dwarven eyes knew gold when he saw it.

-Meanwhile, in another plane of reality-

Duncan became conscious of his surroundings, he was standing in front of a white table in the middle of a black nothingness.

Well this was an odd afterlife, was he in purgatory?

"Um, hello? Anyone there? Am I being judged for my sins? If so, please don't count the ones I did that made it onto Youtube, fire and brimstone doesn't sound like the funnest thing in the world, not even in the top ten, or twenty, or one thousand," he called out, his voice had an odd echo, like it was reverberating back to him through a sheet of souls and water.

The Necronomicon appeared in front of him, opening itself to a page with a pop-up figure of a pony with bony wings and a bare skull for its head.

"Hello Livid Coffee the Lich, I am the Necronomicon, here to guide you through the process of reviving yourself," the pop-up pony greeted.

"Sweet, I can revive myself." the lich pumped his gloved fist in victory

"Yes, yes you can. Now then, since you are a Lich, your phylactery holds your soul, your body will be brought back into the living world in 1d10 minutes, but since you are extremely powerful in the field of necrotic energies, the time had been decreased to 1d10 minutes, so roll the d10 and find out how long you must wait," the pop-up pointed its foreleg to a lone, black translucent die with red numbers sitting on the table. It was a ten sided die.

"Alright then," Duncan accepted, this made sense, he'd played Dungeons and Dragons before, so he was familiar with the d10.

He picked the die up in his bony hand and viciously threw/rolled it along the table, the table itself seemed to stretch out to keep the small piece of plastic from falling off.

After about fifteen seconds, it landed on the 1 side.

"Ooh, lucky man, you'll respawn in one minute, happy waiting," the Necronomicon congratulated as it closed itself.

"O-kay then, pret-ty cool," the green-eyed man said, looking around for something to do now that his task was done.

A full-body mirror appeared in front of him, allowing Duncan to look at himself.

He was still quite a bit overweight, but the pudginess of his face had slimmed down a bit due to his new Lich nature, since a Lich was supposed to be gaunt and bony.

"Well, I'm still supa-cool," he pointed at himself with gun-hands, "Pew-pew," he chanted jokingly.

Over the past few months he had been slowly losing all sense of normality as he plunged into the actual practice of science.

For example: antimatter may have been apocalypse-levels of dangerous, but it was fucking cool.

--

He felt a wrenching sensation, and suddenly his eyes were met with the sight of a still-astonished Rainbow Dash, he had appeared back in that field.

"What the? Didn't you run away? How are you..." Rainbow felt her brain melting.

"Yeah, oh shit, MY PHYLACTERY," he remembered, running back into town again, sprinting the whole way.

He needed a safe place to put his phylactery, because that thing was important.

Without it, who knows how long it would take, if it was even possible, for him to respawn?

-Meanwhile, at Sweet Apple Acres-

"Ooh, apples," Paul 'Sjin' Sykes observed as his eyes found the fruit on the tree, he picked one of the apples in front of him and bit into it, "This tastes like having an orgasm, dear Jesus I want more." he picked another apple and started alternating biting into both of them.

He looked around in this strange place he was in, what felt like moments ago he was in his office at the Yogtowers, and now he was... where?

He was in the middle of a massive grouping of apple trees, which was natural, since apple seeds come from apples, and the apples could fall off the trees and rot away, leaving the seeds to sink into the dirt and grow into new trees.

"Oh boy, lots of apples," Sjin was already happy with his situation, sure he was lost, but he wouldn't starve in the orchard-like grouping of apple trees.

For some reason, though, he was dressed in a strange mix of his spacesuit underneath his farming overalls, with the emerald hoe on his back to boot, though right now it looked a bit more like an emerald scythe.

"Hmm, this place is weird, these trees must be healthy as hell if they're this bright and green, and the apples are really good, I wonder if they're part... of..... a.......... farm......" he trailed off, he knew how protective farmers could be of their crop, he had gone through the same thing in his Feed the World series.

And now he was eating what could be a chronically angry farmer's prized apples.

"Shit, or should I say, sjit," he felt like he was recording, which was odd, because he was seeing the world through his own brown eyes and feeling it with his own skin, "Hm, well I guess I might as well search around," the brown-haired man concluded, stroking his moustache-goatee combo in thought for a few seconds.

Walking in a single direction, he found himself at a path within a minute, one way led over some hills and to a gate, presumably to the front of the farm, the other way led over some more hills and to a clearing with a farmhouse. This was definitely a farm and that was definitely a farmhouse, the barn and the grain silo said it all.

"Okay, I just need to talk to the owner about how I'm lost," he started walking towards the farmhouse.

Looking around, everything seemed a hell of a lot more lively than in England, the sun was shining bright, no rain, the air was clean and crisp, the plant life was really green and not drowned, it was warm and peaceful, without hellish weather being a risk.

"Wow, this place is great, am I in America?" he had heard that a lot of places in America were very warm and reasonably dry, and now that he was here, he could see why it was so critically acclaimed to be awesome.

He could smell the scent of gunpowder as he approached the farmhouse, "Land of the free and home of the brave indeed." he laughed, remembering that the United States was famous for-among other things-quite loose gun laws.

Sjin looked at the trees closer, the vibrant green leaves were being choked by dying edges, it was probably fall, and the days would start getting shorter and the temperature would drop.

"Weird, I could have sworn it was early-February, not mid-August, it's just... weird," he finally reached the farmhouse's front steps, he walked up to the door and knocked on it, noticing that he had considerably more muscle on his body than normally, did he suddenly get it from turning into his Minecraft character? Farmers were known for being very strong, so it made sense.

"Um, hello, I'm lost and I need some help," he announced his presence to the slightly ajar screen door.

"Come on in, sonny," an old woman's voice instructed, it was the kind of gently-beckoning tone capable of only grandmothers and lonely people.

"Okay, thank you, madam," Sjin thanked as he opened the door and stepped inside the house.

A scorched fireplace had a small fire going in it, it appeared to have been started by a small explosion, which explained the slight smell of gunpowder, but the main attraction of the room was the dull green pony with a white mane, sitting in a rocking chair and looking at him.

"Well, young'un, yer a funny lookin' one, eh, no offense," Granny Smith greeted the man, patting the couch cushion next to her chair.

Sjin sat down, removing his hoe from his back and setting it down on the couch next to him, he sat close to this strange creature.

"Hello, my name is... Sjin," he lied, it was only his in-game name, but he felt like telling this old pony his real name wasn't a good idea.

"Shin Pads or Shin Deep? Eh hee hee hee," Granny laughed, giving herself and the tall-ish man a slap on the knee.

"Sjin deep in sjit," the brunette laughed, trying to get into this joking game.

"Hey naow, I'm a right ol' lady, don't be spoutin' that shit around me." nopony ever knew it, but the old mare had a very wide, deep, liberally inclusive sense of humor.

"Ah ha ha, oh-hoh wait now, that's not fair, I'm a good guy, I do spacing, and building, and farming," Sjin informed.

"Oh? Yer a farmin' kinda stallion? Tell meh more," the green pony requested, ceasing her laughter and leaning in a bit to hear the tale of Sjin's Farm.

"Well, here's where it all began," the farmer-man started.

He then recited everything that had happened to him thus far.