The Man Down Under

by Doc Sawbones

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Adventure, Gilda, Dark, Human, Anthro, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4675

I used to think that the land down under had some weird creatures. According to a griffin chick that I "met" (Because I'm definitely NOT crazy)- I was dead wrong. Now I've got to cope with my new home of adventure - and my new pa

Fuck...
All I have to say. I mean I though I was done with the weird crap when I left the Marines and came back to Australia. Needless to say this has not been the case. Planned things more often than not go wrong but never to this extent. Especially when I go on my "Survival" trips into the bush.
On the plus side, I've made a new friend, it doesn't matter that she is a griffin or anything. It's all good though - griffins are one of the few things that AREN'T trying to kill me at every turn now. I have this chick, Gilda, I think is what she told me, to thank for that. With her help, I've got to learn to conquer and cooperate with my new surroundings.
Goddamn.

Author Note: Shipping may or may not happen.
Author Note: More Characters will be introduced, but until then only three character tags.
Author Note: Takes place 1 year before show starts. Officially Fannon.

Published 2014-02-16 08:10:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-02 18:37:16 UTC

Prolouge : Routinely Rounds 'round the Town.

Legal Notice: I do NOT own any music or songs or what the hell ever mentioned in this story. Nor do I own My Little Pony under Hasbro jurisdiction at the time of written-ness.

Advisory Notice: Shit's gonna happen. By that I mean - The world of Equestria may or may not come into contact with our hero until the 2nd or third chapter. שלום.

"Mate, is that everything?" I say. There HAS to be something I'm missing.

"I don't know - YOU are the only one going this time since you got back." Kyle says as he flops back into his worn out section on the couch.

"Is the Rifle in there?" I ask Kyle grunts a noise I can only suspect to be 'Yeah'. "What about all of my ammo? And the Webley?"

"Yeah, I got all of you're junk in the bag." He replies as he rolls onto the floor before hopping up and tossing a seabag through my door.

"What the hell mate?!" I shout. "What've I told ya 'bout throwing my stuff around?!" I continue as I start to change into my more 'durable' clothing.

I come out of my abode in a pair of faded blue jeans and black combat boots, a white short sleeve white under a olive jacket

"Whatta 'bout your good luck charm?" Kyle calls from the den.

"Forgot about that," I announce as I rush back into my room to grab the only thing I didn't get while I was in the military - a novelty NCR 1st Recon Beret and flash - that my sister got me when we found out I was accepted into the 1st recon of the USMC. I made it to 2nd Lieutenant before I was discharged on account of taking 2 grenades and several rounds of ammunition to my left arm and right leg.

"You taking the jeep or what?" Kyle calls from the kitchen where we keep all of our keys. Kyle is a long time friend and ally, we met in Ft. Lauderdale while on leave a couple of years back. He was the one who ended up driving us back to the airport due to alcohol to blood ratio in my system.

"I was thinking the 'cycle if you would be so kind." I say as I walk past the gargantuan of a man, the oddest combination of Greek and Spaniard if there ever was one, tossing me the keys to an Indian 'Chief' motorcycle while digging around in the cabinets. I hoist the seabag of gear off the floor and onto my back, being weighed down by the massive amounts of 7.62mm and .455 ammo in the bag, and walked out the door calling to Kyle, "I'll be back within the end of next week!"

"Take Notes!" Kyle hoarsely shouts - obvious that he had begun a new bottle of Absinthe.

I drop my seabag into the right saddle bag of the red motorcycle and reach into the left feeling around for a switch. I flip it once I find it and hear the various noises raising from the re-purposed 'Bag-o-Phone' I got at a MP Surplus outlet store in America. I start up the motorcycle and head out to the town we live just outside of, Wirrawee, a small town that has a very, i guess the only polite way of saying it is that it's got a frontier feel to it. All of the stores close to one another near the north of the town more and more house the further south you go.

"This day looks like it might rain, damnit, wasn't prepared for that. hopefully I'll get to the treeline before it rains." I muse to myself out loud as I turn onto the main road that runs though the entirety of the boondocks. I fumble around for my iPod in the right saddlebag cursing loudly as I nicked my finger on my AU Parry Blade Serrated on one side and Razor sharp on the other of this 9 inch blade. I pull the iPod out and hook it up to the speaker in the left saddlebag and hit play to first song I found.

I barrel down the strait-away due to the lack of cars seeing it as being a normal day in this two-bit town I call home. The song comes to a close and I can't help but shake the feeling of…oddness…is one way of putting it I guess.

I soon pulled into the main town area where other drivers were few and far between. I decided to turn off into one of my favorite greasy spoon shoppes in town it was a diner, and I mean a real diner too, one of those that's all red and chrome and stuff. This early in the morning means that there shouldn't be many people here, well aside from the residential living relics that come here at 6:00 am and leave at 6:00 pm. I waltz in after parking my bike under a thick old oak tree look around to see that my original hypothesis was correct. Almost no-one here, well Lloyd and Floyd were at the far side of the diner drinking their coffee and they absentmindedly wave as I come in.

"Knives, If that's you go ahead and sit at the booth you're usually at." A feminine voice calls from the back. " And if so, please take that damn gun out and onto the table- you know the policy." she continues.

"Fine, fine," I reply, forgetting that earlier I had loaded the Webley and shoved it into the old leather holster under my armpit, "And stop calling me Knives!"

"I will when every time you get bored you stop chucking our steak knives into the ceiling!" She shouted back."We need those and we can't use them if you've got 'em stuck to the air ducts, fan blades, and walls!"

"Fine, Since when were you the boss? huh? Cass?" I ask sarcastically as I started flipping through the menu even though I know what I'm going to get.

"When Twilight Sparkle understands 'Pinkie-Sense'"She replies as she's walking through the kitchen door with a mub and coffee pot in hand.

"When- wait…What?" I stutter trying not to spill the coffee she just poured into my mug.

"It means never." She replies with a huff. She soon starts to take down what I'm pointing at on the menu and she walks back into the kitchen. Cass is the only person aside from Kyle that's not from this town, she is an American-Belarusian chick with two-tone auburn and black hair with a tomboyish attitude. Which often lands her in trouble with the upperclassmen of the area, mainly ending up with her at the police station for breaking a kid's nose who tried to cop a feel. Something I am completely afraid of…Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

"Here's your stuff." She says as she slides into my booth across from me. "What are you planning on doing this weekend?" She asks nonchalantly.

"I am NOT going on another pity date for your friends, is one of them." I say as I bite into my fried egg. "I'm going into the bush for a week."

"I wasn't going to ask you for another pity date for them-" she starts off.

"Nor am I going on a date with you, at least not this weekend. I've got plans" I interrupted her. Cass is an odd sort, the only people she willingly hangs out with is me, Kyle, Lloyd, Floyd, and a policeman we grew up with named Frank Mossey, we call him Moses just to mess with him.

"Oh, phoo. You're no fun." She carries on. "You don't know how to have fun."

"Yes, yes I do." I add, "What was that thing you were talking about earlier?" I continue. "I mean the one about 'Twilight Sparkle' and 'Pinkie-Sense'."

"Oh, that is just a show I've gotten into. It's called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic." She answers, "I found out about it from one of the kids at my other job at the daycare. They just about drug me down the stairs to get me to watch it."

"Mia Liffle pawneh?" I ask with a mouthful of toast. "Ahem. I mean, My Little Pony? Isn't that the toy franchise from the 80's?" I corrected after swallowing the toast.

"Yeah but it got a reboot." She said with her forehead to the table. "Don't you have somewhere to be?" she asks sternly.

"Uhh.... yeah." I quickly threw down the correct amount of money due to sheer repetition of the order and bolted out the door.

That conversation could've gone A LOT better. I mused as I kicked on the gas for the motorcycle. I turned off of the parking lot to come to a SHOCKING discovery. A sight I haven't seen in a while in this town.

God damn traffic, the ONE day I go on the road and BAM traffic for miles. I only need to drive for about 2 miles from where I'm at to get out of this two-bit town.I thought, Wirrawee is a small town, settled by sheep farmers long ago, it has evolved from a town in the middle of nowhere to a town in the middle of nowhere and a bit to the left. Good god. It's a good hing I know how to pass the time. I reach down into the left saddle bag where I set up a police scanner and CB radio.

"HEY! MOLDOVA SUCKS!" I shout into the CB waiting for a response, chuckling to myself all the while.

"What the Hell?!" Someone shouts over the crackle of the radio, "Who is that?"

"I know who, Goddamnit, Sydney!" A gruff voice crackles over the static. "I thought I told you to stay off of this channel! What do you want anyway?!"

"Hullo Mister Moses! Nice to see you remember the name I don't want you to call me!" I announce back over the radio.

"Yeah, right. You do this crap enough we have given you your own filing cabinet we've labeled as RADIO: SIX-SHOOTER SYDNEY at the station." Moses calls back to me over the crackle.

"You police and your damnable alliterations!" I goad him. "I want to know why the traffic is backed up between here, there, back again!" I call over the rising static.

"Someone decided to have a pool party in the middle of the street! Why do you think? It's Monsoon season for Christ's sake!" Moses bellows over the snickering of what I can only tell to be that guy from before.

"Yeah, yeah. I was wondering if You could impound my bike until Kyle or Cass comes to pick it up?" I ask sheepishly.

"Why in the blue hell would you want to do that?" The other guy states, sniggering still in his voice.

"Yeah, I guess I could, Will the 'bail' money be in the same place?" Moses asks, finally done shouting. "I still need that for them to come pick it up."

"What the-" The other guy stammered.

"Who is that guy anyway? He has been interrupting this entire time." I state, slowly growing agitated.

"For all I care his name is John-" Moses began.

"JAMES!" he shouted over the speaker.

"Right, what ever you say Private Pansy," I retort, slightly sniggering about his outburst.

"I'm ending this call line. Pansy- stop eavesdropping." Moses started, "Where will we find your bike?"

"I'll park it in front of the Catholic church on Rivendale Boulevard." I answer.

"Roger Wilco." He says just before the line goes dead.

Certainly one of the more interesting talks I've had with him to say the least. I think as I pull into Rivendale Catholic Church. He knows where the church is, Moses isn't that ignorant. I thought while unloading my seabag of junk and ammo. before walking down the trail to Ranger station up the road marking the end of civilization for 231 Kilometres. That will be my starting point.

Author's Note

Yes, Well...new story. Hmmm, not sure how it will be received. That's because of the amount of "human goes to equestria with firearms" stories out there is rising at a constant rate.
Mine's a bit different, Fuck waking up in the Everfree or outside of Ponyville. We're going a bit south for that, into Equstria's version of Australia, or as they know it - the Badlands
~~~~~~~
As for you, yes you, the reader, what do you like, not like, what should I change, how can I be better? Criticism is helpful, hate without giving me a reason is not
Bis später, Sawbones.

Storming Supply

Advisory Notice: This is where shit happens.

Walking is a bitch. I mean come on! Who in their right mind willingly walks places? NO-ONE THAT'S WHO! The wind in the area had begun to pick up as I started berating my self on the stupid decision on walking to the Ranger station.Maybe Milo will be on duty this time? At least I can mess with him. Milo is a new Ranger who joined just recently, he is one of the few 'students' that hasn't tried to make a move on Cass, or has had his nose broken for the same reason. He is still in training, I think he always will be with the way he sleeps at the station.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"HEY! MILO!" I shout as I come up to the station. The wind had picked up considerably since I left the diner. Through the windows I could see someone shuffling around inside the main lobby.

"What the-," Someone started off, "Is that you Knives? What the hell do you want?" He finished.

"Yeah It's me, I see you've been talking to Cass, She break your nose yet?" I snicker, knowing full well the answer as I yanked the door open. The Ranger station was very small, only slightly bigger than the piss-poor house I share with Kyle. To the right of the front door was a small office lined with hooks and Emergency Satellite Phones with a small oak desk piled high with wires and other pieces parts.

"What are you here for anyway Old man?" He calls from the rec room. He soon emerges from the back holding a clipboard and black satchel. "You aren't going on another one of your 'expeditions' are you? We're still finding traps and stuff fro the last time."

"Actually, yes, yes I am." I replied with a snort. "I need another ESP, if you would be so kind. And I am NOT an Old Man!"Goddamn kids... Don't know how to respect a soldier. I snatch one of the Phones from the small office and began testing it.

"HEY! Don't just snatch 'em off the wall! They aren't indestructible!"He snapped while trying to get the phone case from my hand. His short stature wasn't helping his case whatsoever. I quickly snatch the clipboard from his grip as well, preparing to sign out another phone.

"Thanks for the phone! I'll be back within the end of next week!" I shout, bolting out the door. All the while Milo standing there dumbfounded at how quickly I pulled that off. when I reached the end of the turn off that the station was sat on, the Sky was growing darker by the minute. I hope I can get to the canopy before it starts coming down in full force, last time it rained I was without shelter for far too long. With that thought I cram the case into what little room is left in my seabag but leaving the phone in my top pouch.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

God damnit. I was never a religious man, but, God, Allah, The Great Rainbow Serpent, whoever is listening, why must you torment me so? I thought while trying to make it to the treeline about 40 metres up the hill. The winds had picked up considerably, and were near enough on the cusp of being monsoon level winds, whipping the thick denim duster I had packed in case fire wasn't an option.

"What in the highest of hells have I done to deserve this level of punishment?!" I shouted sarcastically at the biggest thunderhead I've seen in a long while. I start to pick up my already quick pace as the clouds begin their downpour. At first it was nothing more than a light drizzle but by the time I had reached the crest of the hill and into the trees, it had evolved into a full-blown monsoon, where every few minutes lightning would light the sky up in a pinkish-blue hue. Red Lightning, goddamn this is a big one. Not to often do you see that so close to the ground I thought while pressing my back to an old sycamore tree. "Now would be a good time to see what all I've Remembered to pack." I quickly begin to open up my seabag under the somewhat dry forest floor.

"There's this hunk of junk," I announce as I toss the near bullet proof case of the ESP aside. I began pulling out a somewhat cheap looking black box and open it. "Damn, I forgot to assemble this before hand." I say as I began pulling out parts and attaching them together quickly to what soon becomes an M14. I take the scope out the box and slide it onto the Rifle. The Bag is now considerably lighter without that rifle taking up all of the space. "A couple of ammo boxes full of 7.62mm and .455 ammunition, that's about 600 rounds of .303 and about 500 of .455? Sounds about right." I state to myself as I begin loading several clips for the rifle. Lost in thought, I am soon brought back to reality as I run out of clips and a streak of lightning burst a tree into nothing more than a smouldering crater. "This getting out of hand!" I shout over the howling winds. " Quickly I pack up my remaining gear, load the rifle and sling it over my shoulder by the strap.

"HEY! MILO!" I shout into the Satellite Phone as more and more lightning starts to strike around me. "Where are you at? I need a getaway fast! This damn storm is picking up to much for this shit!"

"Knives?-*Schzz*-n't come and g-*Shzz-CRACK*Storm's getting too-" He began but soon static began over taking him before to long it went full static.

"What the Hell? Satellite Phones aren't supposed to do that?!" I shout over the growing static on the other side. "MILO! DO YOU COPY?" I was getting more and more worried with each passing moment. "Hey! I need Someone to Help M-*CRAK*" I started off before a bright reddish-pink lightning bolt stuck down at the phone, knocking me out as I flew several feet with the Rifle and seabag in tow.

Author's Note

So, our hero is finally had something happen to him. Red Lightning is some bad stuff mate.
Anyways~
What did I do wrong? What can I change? How many licks to the centre of a tootsie pop? You know the drill.
:rainbowlaugh:
до свидания, Sawbones.

Welcome to the Jungle

When I went out, all I remember is yelling at Ranger Milo for help on the satellite phone, a loud crack-like noise, and then whiteness.

“Goddamn, that fucking hurt,” I groan as I try to sit up, I slowly forced my back up against a nearby tree and try to assess the damage. “I felt like I went ten rounds with a bear on ‘roids.”

As I look around all I can take in properly at the moment is that it’s night- Dammit, of course it’s fucking nighttime. Might as well as light a torch though. I look around for my bag and find it close by a big charred, smoldering crater, Was that where I woke up? What the hell happened? Was I hit some of that weird red lightning? Seeing that as the only somewhat plausible solution, I start to rummage around in my oddly undamaged bag. Noticing this I perform a quick triage on myself. Okay this is weird as fuckall, I was hit by lightning and I’ve not got any burns, cuts, or anything. I am a lot tougher than I thought.

“Okay, weird no injuries thing aside, at least my stuff made it alright.” I mumble as I pull the bolt back on the M14 to check damage with one hand and flipping through songs on my iPod with the other. Finding a good song along with sliding the bolt back, I quickly dropped the gun and hit play.

Welcome to the Jungle

With some background noise going on I quickly do a supply check:

~~~~~~~
M14
Webley MK VI
.50 BMG tin of 7.62mm and .455
Beret
Zippo
Machete
Knife
Sleeveless Duster
Akubra
~~~~~~~

Man, I am way too armed with that amount of ammo to be considered ‘healthy’. I thought while I shove the two canvas satchels of ammunition -Sure it made the bag heavy, but not so much to were my movement is completely hindered- back into their own special divot in the bag of equipment.
At least the storm scared away most of of the wildlife around here. Not a bad thing but not a great thing either -no animals means no dinner- damn, I at least thought that the fiasco with the storm would be the end of my bad luck

*Eagle Noise*

The universe has a way making my SPECIFICALLY worse- I thought as the sound of several branches snapping and leaves rustling quickly got closer, closer, clos-

*SMACK* *thunk*
How many more times am I going to get thrown into the trees! I mentally shout as I groan to push what it was that landed on me off. As I finally shove the weight off I notice what it is exactly. I look down at the crumpled form to see something that resembles eagle wings but these are way too big. Upon further inspection I notice a pair of dark brown cargo pants on top of what looks like a set of lions paws.
...
…
…
Deal with it later. I thought. “Hey are you alright?” I ask the downed...thing. It shuffled around abit before finally rolling over and letting me get a good look at hi- her face. She stood up shakily clutching the small of her back with what appear to be talons. She was wearing a black V-neck shirt under a faded brown leather flight jacket with what looks to be a sheepskin lining.

She looked over to me quickly once I started talking saying, “You should get moving,” She looked to where she came from to see that a large feline form was quickly approaching followed by a guttural roar with the sound of branches breaking, “As in now!” She looked over to me to see laying down with the M14 locked and loaded pointed in the direction of the noise.

“Move.” I stated. Not viciously, not worriedly, just… empty. She did just that

Author's Note

Alright I know it's been a while I was doing... Things, yeah, things.
I have finally come back to my bastard child to set another wave in motion.
Couldn't find better Gilda, picture that right there, but clothed as described.
PS: Sorry for the long wait don't hate me bro.:ajsleepy:

I take the 'man' out of Manticore

When the big pussy finally came out from the copse I had already lined up the iron sights and was in the process of squeezing the trigger.

BAM
*tink*

He had a brief look of fear and confusion from the loud noise but as I said, brief. When he hit the ground I was found in bone crushing death grip by an avian female, when I pointed out that I needed air she let go and continuously spouted off that it didn't happen. I made my way over to the corpse to get a better look at the creature.

"How in the name of Discord's testicles did you do that?" she stated, rather loudly might I add.

I ignored her for the most part focusing solely on the corpse. At closer inspection I see that the giant lion has wings and a scorpion tail.This has to be somekinda monster from the 7th circle of hell- cause FUCK that looks painful. I mentally stated, looking over the claws and barbed tail.

"HEY!" The chick shouted, "I'm talking to you bub!"

"Hmm? What?" I carry on innocently as I take the machete to the tail and begin cutting it off.

"I said WHAT'S YOUR NAME!" She bellowed, obviously irate about me ignoring her. "Or are you not going to tell me because you're some kinda criminal? Huh? Well?"

I flashed back,I'm sitting strapped to a wooden desk chair two sizes too small, with a couple of people in sandy clothes carrying weapons from around the globe all trained on me."الاستماع لأعلى-(Lt. Col. Solomon R. Johnston, is hereby charged with the following crimes-" Another man came up next to me with a red hot knife tip. "-several accounts of murder-" Knife tip goes to my face and gets pulled down from the left corner of my left eye down to just above my mouth."-Battery, arson, and assault with a deadly weapon." two more cuts, one starting above my right eye and ending just below it, and the final cut, a notch carved into my left ear. I snapped, blacked out, and when I came to I was holding a cheap handgun to face of one of my kidnappers. When I come back to the real world I see that I've pinned the avian girl from earlier and had the Webley to her forehead. I jump off of her and holster my gun quickly gathering my supplies.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ARTYS ARRYN WAS THAT!" A new voice boomed, Male by the sound of it. afterwards a bunch of jangling and clanking was heard.

I turned to face my new arrivals, Oh great, more bird people. I begin to take notice of my present company. About five of them are decked out in grey plate mail save for an emblem on the cuirass. A circle with a pair of wings and talons embossed on the front. The one in front was in dark blue plate mail minus the helmet, One of his wings was missing and replaced with what appeared to be a robotic prosthetic.

"Gilda! Are you all right?!" The man in blue called out to the chick, Gilda. "How did you escape the manticore?"

"I didn't Dad-" Sarcastic much? "This- Uhhh- thing- here killed it."

"That scrawny thing? But he was at your throat a second ago!" shouted one of the guardsmen? guardsbird? Whatever.

They carried on this for quite some time before I got tired of it. I'll probably regret this. I thought as I pulled out my Webley and fired off a round into the air ceasing all conversations. I quickly holstered it under my green jacket.

"Now then, If you lot are done with your mindless bickering, I'd like to know where I am." I stated with as much implied violence as possible."

Author's Note

Emblem for the Griffin Kingdom courtesy of Emkay on Deviantart

Sorry for another long wait I typed it, erased it, and typed it again so...yeah. (That and I got sidetracked playing STALKER : Call of Pripyat)
Solomon Is not my name btw.
Tell me what's wrong, what needs fixing what. Still working without an editor.
-Doc Sawbones

Cancellation

Due to unforeseen circumstances I regrettably cancel the story The Man Down Under, while it is possible that I can pick it back up it is very unlikely to happen.
~Doc Sawbones