Babel Ponies are Best Ponies
Applejack burst into Twilight's library, breathless. “What's all the ruckus about?! I heard this awful loud thunderclap and it sent me a-runnin'—” All she needed to do was take one look at the scene before her and she gasped so hard that her hat flew off her blonde head.
Rainbow Dash lay in a smoking heap on the ground. The wooden floor around her was charred black, and bolts of electricity danced between the prismatic ends of the pony's bangs. Spike knelt next to the pegasus' side, his scaled face twisted with concern. When he looked up at Applejack, the whelp shared her abject terror.
“Applejack! You came just in the nick of time!” Spike stammered. “Something terrible's happened!”
Gritting her teeth, Applejack scooped up her hat in a trembling hoof and skidded over to the mare's side. “I can see that! But what?! Did Rainbow burn herself?! How in tarnation did this happen?!”
“Careful! Try not to move her too much!” Spike squeaked, his eyes glossy. “I-I told her n-not to touch it!”
Applejack blinked. “You told her not to touch what?”
In answer, the whelp spun and pointed at a tall, sparkling rod situated in the center-most table of the room. The thing was roped off, surrounded by cautionary signs, and even a red cone or two.
“You think I'd put enough warning labels all around it! But less than two minutes into delivering Twilight's mail, Rainbow Dash just flew towards the thing and touched it! Like, just for curiosity's sake! I tried to tell her it was dangerous!”
“Ain't yer fault, Spike.” Applejack frowned, her face suspended halfway between anger and worry. “We both know by now that Rainbow will ignore anythang so long as it's bolted to the ground and not at ceiling level!” She gulped and placed a hoof tenderly on Rainbow's dormant shoulder. “Just what is that contraption anyway? What's it done to Rainbow?”
“It's Twilight's super experimental multi-phasic trans-dimensional frequency modulator!”
“Her what-now?” Applejack gnashed her teeth as she felt for Rainbow Dash's pulse. Her breath escaped her with relief as she felt a dull yet continuous th-thump emanating from the pegasus' blue fuzzy chest. “Does that alicorn have to name every dag-blame'd thing with twenty words apiece?”
“Look, she wanted me to keep it turned on while she was away at the Royal Conference, so that it might actually tap into the same resonance that powered King Sombra's doors!” Spike exclaimed. “It was my job over the weekend to look after the modulator and mind the library! But Rainbow just came bursting in as usual and I couldn't stop her! I tried to, though, AJ! You gotta believe me! You just gotta!”
“Never mind who's to blame or who isn't, Spike!” Applejack exclaimed. With a strong hoof, she turned Rainbow over. “For right now, we gotta get Rainbow Dash to the hospital before—”
“Guhhhh!” Rainbow Dash sprang up into a sitting position like a blue mouse trap.
Applejack and Spike jumped back with a shriek.
Rainbow Dash blinked blearily. Sparks of electricity danced between her ruby eyes. With a slack-jawed expression, she turned and gazed limply at the pony and the baby dragon before her. “Hmmmm... huhhh?”
“She's... she's awake!” Applejack's emerald eyes glistened as she looked the pegasus up and down. “And in one piece! Oh, thank Celestia! Rainbow Dash, can you hear me, sugarcube?”
“Unnngh...” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and bopped her head several times with the end of her hoof. “Mmmf... Joking the window smartly, never hamper. Red seagulls adjoining.”
Applejack blinked several times, her grinning muzzle agape. At last, she limped forth a pathetic, “Rainbow...? Darlin'...?”
“Guh... Galvanize?” Rainbow Dash squinted tiredly at the farm filly. “Venus because the ruffles lately? Having orifices will splice!”
“Rainbow, you ain't... erm... making a lick of sense.” Applejack whistled and waved her hoof in front of the pegasus' face. “Howdy? Yoohoo! Earth to Rainbow? Ya there?”
Rainbow's brow furrowed as her lips dryly produced, “Callous orangutans? Hardly prudent the rubber moth into carnival.”
“Uh oh...” Spike backstepped from the two mares, trembling. “This isn't good.”
“What, that she's talkin' gibberish?!” Applejack frowned. “She's... sh-she's just foolin' with us! Ain'tcha, Rainbow?”
“Good flavors with shoes and blue!” Rainbow Dash snapped, then teetered dizzily. “Unnnghh... Calk epiphany... mmmfnngh...”
“Rainbow!” Applejack resorted to shouting, causing the ends of Rainbow's hairs to flounce. “Can. You. Understand. The. Words. That. I'm. Spittin'?”
“That's not gonna do any good!” Spike scampered away.
“What do you mean by that?!” Applejack growled across the library.
“Just stay with her, AJ!” Spike's voice called back. “Keep her attention, and whatever you do, do not let her fall asleep!”
“Fall... asleep...?” Applejack asked.
“Mmmmmm-guuuuu...” Rainbow Dash fell into her.
“Mule m-muffins!” Applejack caught her awkwardly, shaking the pegasus' light-weight body and forcing her into a standing position. “Rainbow Dash, yer scarin' me somethin' fierce, darlin'!”
“Mmmmfnngh...” Rainbow Dash tilted her head back up and rolled her eyes until she was staring squarely with the earth pony again. “Playing caustic slightly meandering.” She blinked. “C-controller flowers?”
“Rainbow Dash!” Applejack barked. “Let's start with somethin' simple! Say 'Apple!'”
Rainbow Dash teetered. “Kitchen!”
“Apple!” Applejack hissed.
“Faucet!”
“Apple! A. P. P. L. E.! You can do it, sugarcube!”
Rainbow Dash's muzzle twisted. “G-... G-... G-gasoline trees!” She seethed, rubbing her head as an aching whimper ran through her body. “Winter and amphibian biceps, nevertheless!” She grew faint and drifted forward into Applejack's forelimbs.
A panicked breath flew through the earth pony's lungs. She held Rainbow Dash tight, forcing her upright and giving her head a shake so that she stopped nodding off. “Sp-Spike!” Applejack sputtered over the pegasus' drooping wings. “I could use yer help over here! What in the hay's goin' on?!”
“It's just as I feared...” Spike shuffled back, carrying a book in his tiny claws.
“What?” Applejack fought the urge to hyperventilate. “What's just as you feared?! What's happened to our friend here?!”
“This has been known to happen to some of the Crystal Empire guardponies who stand watch over Sombra's gateways that are sealed off deep beneath Cadance's Palace!” He flipped a page and pointed at the middle of a particular sheet of text. “It seems as though Twilight's science project has done the same to Rainbow Dash when she came into contact with it! She's got acute magical linguistic telegraphic dysfunction!”
“Lesser words, Spike, please!” Applejack hugged Rainbow Dash and gave her another shake, causing the pegasus' moans to vibrate. “Just 'cuz yer Twilight's apprentice doesn't mean ya gotta speak like her!”
Spike held the book down and gestured with his other hand. “She's got aphasia!”
“Aphasia?!”
“It's where a pony can't connect words to their meaning! They hear one thing and say another, or say one thing while meaning something completely different! Or both!”
“Mmmmnngh...” Rainbow Dash gazed sickly at the other two as she leaned against Applejack's weight. “Some oranges hate cooking art hats that ordain anarchy. Muhhhh...”
“Y-you mean...” Applejack flashed a look between Rainbow Dash and Spike. “She can't understand what we're sayin' anymore than the hogwash that she's bein' forced to spit out?”
“Right!” Spike nodded, then held his book up and flipped through the pages again. “At least, I'm pretty sure it works both ways! Ohhhhhh... If only Twilight was here, then she'd know what to do about it!”
“Well, she ain't here, now is she?!” Applejack frowned, then stomped her hoof. “Darn it! Why does Rainbow gotta get all mischievous whenever the Princess is away?!”
“Halogen with the strongly turnstile!” Rainbow Dash said with a delirious grin.
Applejack growled in her face. “Y'all know what you've done!” She flashed a look back at Spike. “Ya gotta contact the Princess! Send her one of yer flamin' envelopes! Contact the others too! Celestia! Luna! Cadance! Shucks, Shining Armor might as well be a Princess by now! He certainly conditions his mane like one! Summon him, Spike! Summon everypony!”
“I will, b-believe me! But...”
“But what?!”
“Even if I got a letter to them within minutes, they'd still take a while to get here, Applejack!” Spike gulped, hugging the book to his scaled chest. “The Royal Conference is in Stalliongrad, remember?”
“Awwwww shoot! It'll take 'em hours at top flight speed!” Applejack looked to her side, only to see that Rainbow Dash was draped over her shoulder. “Hey! Hey!” She shook her shoulder. “Stay awake now, y'hear?! We can't have you fallin' asleep because... because...” She looked past Rainbow's snorting, twitching face. “What happens exactly if she goes under?”
“Uhhhh...” Spike thumbed through the book again, squinting at the words. “'Victims of magically induced aphasia could fall into a coma and experience long-term if not permanent brain damage due to the damaged leylines affecting their neurological systems...'”
“Land's Sakes!” Applejack squeezed Rainbow Dash tighter, giving her head a nervous shake. “Spike, we gotta do something!”
“And fast!” Spike bit onto the claws of one hand. “Nnnngh... Twilight t-told me about some of Cadance's poor guardsponies before. Some of them who fell asleep with that same spark in their eyes remained aphasic for months!” He gulped again. “Not even their closest friends and families could speak to them!”
“Well, get to messaging the Princesses!” Applejack turned towards the door, dragging Rainbow Dash limply behind her. “I'm gettin' Rainbow to the hospital like I said earlier! Maybe Nurse Redheart will have some experience with this 'aphasia' business in her repertoire—”
“AJ, no!” Spike wildly shook his arms. “It'd be a waste of time! Earth pony physicians have little to no experience in magical ailments! Not like this, at least!”
“For real?” Applejack glanced back with a raised eyebow. “You'd a think that with Discord and parasprites and Ragneighrok happenin' every dang Tuesday of the month, we woulda stepped it up by now!”
“Applejack, please! I'm being serious!” Spike exclaimed. “If you wanna cure Rainbow Dash faster than any of the princesses can, you know there's only one pony around these parts who'll have a remedy for her!”
“A remedy...” Applejack slurred aloud.
“Hmmmnngh...” Rainbow Dash twitched in her grip. “Silky. Malevolent but treasury outstanding. Blessed coward blimps!”
Applejack gasped, her hat flouncing with her mane. “Zecora!” She grinned. “I'll get Fluttershy to fetch her right away!”
“Uhm, Applejack—?”
“Awwww shoot!” Applejack kicked at the library's front doorframe. “Fluttershy, Rarity, and Pinkie went with Twilight to see the sights in Stalliongrad, didn't they?!”
“I'm afraid so.”
Applejack took a deep breath. “Well, then, reckon it's all up to me. Alley oop, Rainbow!”
The pegasus gasped as she was flung over the mare's shoulder. “Hoop cycles!”
“I'm gonna gallop straightaway to the heart of the Everfree Forest!” Applejack draped the limp pony over her shoulder until she was firmly balanced. “You breathe as many of them darn letters to the princesses as you can! Tell 'em to meet me at Zecora's hut! If the world's smartest zebra can't fix Rainbow, then maybe Twilight or Celestia can!”
“Right!” Spike was already scribbling a quill pen across a piece of parchment. “You'd better hurry, Applejack! Each minute you waste, the aphasia will only get worse and worse!”
“Right! Gotcha!” Applejack burst out the door with Rainbow Dash in tow.
“And remember!” The dragon whelp shouted after her. “Keep Rainbow awake until she's cured!”
“Muhhh...” Rainbow stirred dizzily against Applejack's shoulders. Her feathery body flounced with each shake of the pony's flexing spine. “Clocks berate trapezoid monday... guhhh...”
“Ya heard Spike, Rainbow!” Applejack panted. “I don't rightly care if ya didn't understand him, but at least listen to me!” She tilted the brow of her hat aerodynamically forward and glanced back in mid-run. “You stay awake, ya hear?!”
“Mmmm...” Rainbow's eyes fluttered shut as her features went slack.
“Hey! Hey!” Applejack jumped over a wooden crate on the side of the street, snapping Rainbow awake. “Don't ya go slumberin' on me, sugarcube! Not now! Not ever! Not until we get them nasty sparks out of yer noggin', ya feel me?”
“Mmmmf...” Rainbow Dash shook her head and stammered, “Slippers beyond brown. Legacy measure aside quarter key.”
“Sounds good enough to me.” Applejack whistled and hollered at the crowded street ahead of her. “Hey! Move yer flanks! Sick pony comin' through! This ain't no drill, y'all!”
Mares and stallions alike gasped, jumping sideways as Applejack barreled on through. The farm filly tore through the marketplace while Rainbow Dash clung tight for dear life. She hopped over crates of fruit, garbage cans, and foals playing on the sidewalk.
“Locomotive career...” Rainbow Dash cooed, gazing at all the sights zooming by with literally sparkling eyes. Electricity danced between her teeth as she whispered, “Window sleeve violet basement fortuitous.”
“That's easy for you to say. Hey! Hey you! Git! Don't you see me carrying a pegasus with aphasia here?!”
An angry old stallion shouted and waved his hoof after Applejack nearly plowed him off the road. She made for the edge of town, then burst down a straightaway of open grass fields that led directly into the dense line of Everfree trees beyond.
“Yeesh, am I gonna hear it from the townsfolk after that one...” Applejack muttered. She tightened her hat and glanced back in mid-gallop, panting in between the exhaled words. “Ya hear that, Rainbow? I've gone out on a super long limb for ya this time, darlin'! You owe me big!”
“Hrmmm...” Rainbow Dash's eyes rolled back as she yawned, then yawned again. “Mmmm... dainty lizardsssss...” There was the barest hint of a snore.
“Hey! Nuh uh! Don'tcha dare!” As Applejack entered the outskirts of the forest, she jerked to the side and ran low beneath a woolie bush, causing several branches to smack Rainbow in the face.
“Snkkkt-Gaah! Haaaugh!” Rainbow Dash's head tilted back up, scrunching and unscrunching her reddened muzzle. “Bowers articulate messily, shrew cup!”
“You watch yer tone there, missy!” Applejack managed a snicker in spite of the situation. All it took was one glance ahead into the foreboding shadows of Everfree and she once again grew solemn. Gulping, she slowed her pace just enough to avoid the errant leaves and branches without losing the bulk of her momentum. “Gotta admit, ya got me kind of scared for a moment there. But Zecora's gonna fix you up just right, sugarcube. I just know it. It helps to hold onto hope, ya reckon? After all, it's what's gotten us girls through thick and thin these past few years!”
“D... D... D-dagger cringe failsafe abridged?” Rainbow Dash mewled.
“Hey. Ya don't have to say anythin' unless you feel like it, Rainbow,” Applejack said, breathing evenly despite her furious stride. She couldn't believe how much energy she had at her disposal. It was almost as if she was running completely by herself. “Dang, girl! Anypony ever toldja that yer light as a feather?! I mean it! Y'all need to eat somethin'!”
Rainbow Dash squinted quizzically at her.
Applejack saw it out the corner of her eye. “Hey. It's perfectly fine if ya don't recognize a single blabberin' word I gotsta say. Just so long as yer listenin' to me! Just so long as yer stayin' awake! Ya hear?”
Rainbow Dash bit her lip.
Applejack paused at a turn in the road. She wiped her brow and gazed back at the pegasus clinging to her shoulders. “Just nod yer head and pretend yer makin' sense of it. See?” She pointed at her sweaty chin with a smile and dipped her head up and down.
Rainbow's ruby eyes bounced to follow Applejack's skull. Eventually, her head nodded in response.
“There! Now who says yer a complete idiot?” Applejack instantly winced, looking ahead. “Wow. Good thang ya can't understand me right now. Uhm...” She squinted from the left to the right. Three dirt paths lay before them. “Now... which one of these here trails leads to Zecora's?”
Limply, Rainbow Dash pointed towards the path on the right.
Applejack glanced back at her.
Rainbow Dash blinked tiredly, then—with both hooves—stuck up the front half of her spectral mane to resemble a mohawk.
Applejack smirked. “Well, lookie there! Seems like we're on the same page about somethin'!” She immediately galloped down the rightmost path. “Celestia bless yer wizardy pegasus sense of direction, Rainbow! Once we've gotten you cured of this mess, I swear, I'm never gonna try outwitting you in a game of charades ever again!”
“Mmmmnnngh...” Rainbow Dash shuddered, tiredly resting her chin against Applejack's galloping backside. “Hijack the long editorial through...”
“Hey! Hey!” Applejack gave her flank another shake, knocking Rainbow upright. “None of that! Just... uhh... pay attention to my voice! I'll... uh... I-I know! I'll tell you a story! Yeah!” She gulped. “Reckon it don't matter what kind of story, so long as it keeps you from conkin' out...”
“Buh... buh... b-believe squirrel constellation adrenaline fodder...”
“Right. Uhm...” Applejack bit her lip, then gasped in mid-run. “I know! When I was really, really young, I ate a watermelon seed! And our closest neighbors at the time—the Carrot family—they had a little daughter, you see! Her name was Golden Harvest! You know her; she's the sister to Carrot Cake, Pinkie's Godfather! Anyways, Golden Harvest was somethin' of a bully and a trouble-maker when she was really, really young, and she used to pick on me somethin' awful! And this one summer she made me believe that a watermelon would grow in my belly because I done swallowed it. Now ain't that silly?”
“Proletariat tornado wandering violin stain.”
“Darn' tootin'! Anyways... I was really, really young at the time, not to mention as smart as a barrel full of nails. Heh. I wasn't the strong and dependable pony everyone fancies toutin' me as bein' today. I didn't even have my cutie mark, I was so tiny and naïve! So I gots to believin' her about this watermelon seed nonsense, to the point that I tried stickin' pieces of straw down my throat just to make myself gag and throw the darn thang up after each time I ate! Well, as you can imagine, Granny Smith and Big Mac found me doin' this and they thought that I was sufferin' from some big time depression, what with it bein' not that long after Ma and Pa passed away, ya see. And so what do they do? They send me packin' to Manehattan to see my Aunt and Uncle Orange, to see if maybe a change of scenery might... I dunno... change my mood or somethin'! So you see, I was tellin' y'all a mighty terrible fib when I said that I went to Manehattan as a filly by my own choice. Fact is, I was forced to go there, and it wasn't until I realized how silly the whole thang was that I came runnin' on home and got myself my cutie mark.”
Applejack blurred around a bend, exhaling heavily before picking her pace up again. Her face took on a limp expression, her eyes glazed over with the weight of the memory.
“I... I'm not rightly sure why I 'fessed up about that n'all just now.” She gulped. “Maybe 'cuz you can't really make heads or tails of it. But, though it may seem like a silly, ridiculous little thang, it's really weighed heavily on me. And... and I've always wanted to get it off my chest.” She winced slightly, and then flung a glance over her shoulder. “Ya gettin' any of that back there?”
“Jupiter palace within the squeaky solstice!” Rainbow Dash stammered.
“Hah!” Applejack smirked. “Well, at least the blabberin' worked!”
“Jungle doughnut.” Rainbow shivered suddenly, clinging tight to Applejack's coat as she nuzzled her shoulders in mid-sprint. “Noon thrice somewhat venison,” she murmured into her coat.
Applejack bit her lip. “Now... don't... d-don't be getting' all sad soundin' on me, Rainbow! You're... y-you're gonna get through this, ya hear!” She gave her flank a shake or two as she barreled down a long straightway sidelined by poison joke. The surroundings were starting to look familiar, and her heart leapt, for she sensed Zecora's hut just around the corner. “It... it tears me up inside to hear ya soundin' all scared. But I'm gonna get you feelin' better, okay? Zecora's gonna have the cure and you'll have nothin' to fear! Do ya hear me?”
Rainbow Dash's voice trembled forth, “Trickery about noose minstrel, apparently, sound c-cusp...”
“That... that ain't the Rainbow I'm used to hearin'!” Applejack frowned. “The Rainbow I know has a breath that loves to laugh! Her voice cracks like a mare too pensive to leave foalhood and yet too strong for her own petite size! She knows where she's headed in this world and she ain't afraid to take on what stands in her way! Even if... heh... even if she's a dag-blame'd idiot about it from time to time! And impulsive as as sin!”
Applejack glanced back at Rainbow Dash, and her gallop slowed to a meager trot.
Rainbow Dash was gazing at her. The electrical spark jumped between her eyes, but the pegasus did not flinch. Her gaze remained locked on Applejack's, full of glistening warmth... and trust.
Applejack wasn't entirely sure why, but she felt her heart skip a beat, and it wasn't from the adrenaline of her long-distance sprint through the forest.
“And... and adorable t-too...” She heard herself murmur, but she was too numb to question it. “Adorable... as s-sin...?”
Th-thud!
“Augh!” Applejack winced. Her head had slammed into something wooden and swinging. Drawn to a squeaking noise, she looked ahead to see a sign written in Zebraharan text swiveling to a stop right in front of her orange muzzle. “Hah! Wouldn't ya know it?!” She smiled back at Rainbow as she pointed at the rustic hut in front of her. “We're here!”
“Mmmfnngh...” Rainbow Dash's nostrils flared. “Rabbit underwear saturation numerical.”
“Stole the words right outta my mouth.” In a blur, Applejack zoomed up to the hut's door and pounded on it rigorously with both of her forelimbs. “Zecoraaaaa!” Thud thud thud thud! “Zecora! Are ya in there?! Medical emergency, girl!”
A muffled voice grumbled from within. “Bless my stripes! Will you cease with that thunder?!” Heavy hoofsteps thumped towards the front of the hut. A disgruntled zebra swung the door open and poked her head out. “It's not like there's a giant who needs waking from his slumber!” She instantly blanched upon seeing Applejack and the limp pony on her backside. “Applejack! So it was you causing that racket!” Zecora squinted. “Why are you wearing your friend Rainbow Dash like a jacket?!”
“Zecora, she's sick! Rainbow is really, really sick!” Applejack exclaimed, wincing. “Y-you've gotta have a remedy for what's messin' with her!”
“Quickly, quickly, into my hut!” Zecora motioned her inside and shut the door behind her. “But you must tell me exactly what's stirring in her gut!”
“It ain't her gut, but her noggin'!” Applejack said as she peeled Rainbow Dash off her back and leaned her up against a crooked wall. “At least, that's what Spike said!”
“Spike? You mean Twilight's apprentice?” Zecora tilted forward to examine Rainbow's eyes. “I wasn't aware he was an expert on pony sickness!”
“He's not! But he studies all the time with Twilight and he's got access to all her books and he saw what happened when Rainbow Dash touched her magical multi-phasic lightning stick thingy and—”
A jolt of electricity shot out of Rainbow's eyes and zapped Zecora's hoof.
“Yeowch!” The zebra waved her forelimb about. “Great ghosts of distant Marelaysia!” She turned and gawked at Applejack. “Let me guess, she's afflicted with some sort of magical aphasia?”
Applejack blinked. She blinked again. “Ahem. Yes.” She nodded. “Yes, that's exactly it! Magically induced... uhm... word scramblin'!” She gave Rainbow a nudge. “Show er, Rainbow!”
“Guh!” Rainbow snapped out of it and blurted, “Boiling cat swipes the orderly ravine snails!”
“It's just as I thought, a leyline affliction! Thankfully Rainbow is not in an unsalvageable condition!” Zecora smiled while examining Rainbow's muzzle again. “You did good to bring her swiftly to my keep! And especially so for not allowing her to fall asleep!”
“Trust me, Zecora, it wasn't easy!” Applejack pulled her hat off and fanned herself with it. “The moment Spike told me that I had to keep her awake or else risk permanent damage, I about jumped out of my own horseshoes with—”
“Shhh!” Zecora waved her hoof and said, “The longer we wait, she'll only get sicker! A remedy I may have, though I fear it'll taste bitter!” She shoved Rainbow into Applejack's grasp. “Lay her down on my bed and keep her awake! There is no telling how long preparing the brew will take!”
“Right... I gotcha...” Applejack hobbled with Rainbow Dash to the zebra's canvas covered bed in the corner of the wooden shack. “And, knowin' Rainbow, she can take a bit of bitter if it means bein' able to fly right again!”
“Don't you worry, friendly pony of orange! I'll cure her of... I'll c-cure her of...” Zecora paused, went cross-eyed, then shook her head with a growl. “Just keep her awake!” Grumbling in a desert tongue, the zebra dove neck-first into an alchemy table, filling her end of the hut with smoke, embers, and incantations.
“There ya go, sugarcube!” Applejack gently laid Rainbow Dash down into the bed. “Now, don't you get too comfy, ya hear? Ya ain't allowed to doze off until Zecora can get that infernal zap out of yer head.”
Rainbow Dash nodded... and nodded. Her eyes started to flutter shut, but all it took was one nudge of Applejack's hoof and she was blinking wide awake.
“Just... just... I dunno...” Applejack murmured, leaning over the bed as she caressed Rainbow's face. “Just concentrate on somethin'. Anythang! Just stay with me, girl!”
Rainbow gulped. Her hooves clung to Applejack's forelimb as she gazed into her eyes—a long, fixated, trembling sort of a stare, like a foal might gaze in both fear and trust upon her mother.
Applejack saw it, and a breath escaped her pursed lips. “I... I gotta admit, I'm a bit scared right now, Rainbow Dash. I don't think I've ever seen you quite this paranoid... this skittish...”
Rainbow's eyes glistened slightly. She gulped her dry throat and rasped forth, “Beetle smidgeon in withstanding congregation sly...”
Applejack smiled painfully, stroking Rainbow's cheek. “Awww shucks, who am I to worry? Yer gonna be just fine. You couldn't possibly let something as silly as this beat you. Why, you're too... too...” She chuckled. “What's that word ya love spoutin' all the time? 'Awesome?'”
Rainbow blinked. A curious curve came to her lips. Her eyes fluttered again, but Applejack gave her blue muzzle a gentle shake to keep her aloft.
“Heh... that's it. Stay with me, darlin'.” Applejack gulped. Once again, she felt that jump to her heart, and yet she wasn't running anymore. She was sitting absolutely still, and she felt the tender pulse in Rainbow's shivering limbs answering her every touch. “Y'know... I never thought I'd hear myself say this out loud, but... but...”
Applejack faltered. She inhaled deeply, but the fumes of Zecora's hut seemed to draw away, as if a quiet vacuum had formed right there, between her and Rainbow Dash, frozen and stark naked, the perfect vessel for unmitigated truth. And she was the Element of Honesty. So...
“Yer like a doll in many ways,” Applejack murmured. “Delicate and precious in yer own right, but you don't go out of yer way to show it.” Her hoof made brief contact with Rainbow's silky, colorful bangs, and she lingered there at the soft touch, forcing her to stammer, “Just like yer voice when you sing at every Winter Wrap Up. I feel my insides lighting up whenever it's yer turn to join in the annual chorus. I just never... n-never have the courage to tell you these things when I can. I mean... why would I? What difference would it make?” Her nostrils flared as she smiled a gentle smile. “But, so help me Celestia, as you are right now? I'd cuddle a doll like this forever...”
Rainbow Dash blinked, her eyelids growing heavier and heavier.
Applejack gulped. “Yer gonna be safe, Rainbow. Someway, somehow, I-I'm gonna make sure of it. Just you get through this and... and...” She winced slightly, but gave a hopeful grin. “We'll talk like normal. Like friends. Okay?”
Rainbow looked over Applejack's shoulders suddenly.
Applejack blinked, but her ears twitched to the sound of heavy footsteps.
“Fear not, for I have concocted the brew!” Zecora held a chalice full of milky soup in the crook of her hoof with a victorious smirk. “I didn't think it would take too long! Did you?”
“Thanks, Zecora! Yer a life saver!” Applejack grasped the container. She gave it a long look, then squinted at the zebra. “Uhm... Zecora? How come all of yer medicines end up lookin' creepy and white?”
“Would you prefer the sound of a pony's cough over the color of a healing quaff?”
“Point taken.” Applejack turned towards Rainbow Dash. “We've got yer fixin' right here, Rainbow Dash!”
“Be sure to make sure she drinks the whole cup!” Zecora shook a hoof. “She can't spit any of it out or even throw up!”
“Ya hear that, sugarcube?” Applejack motioned with her other hoof, pretending to drink an invisible mug. “Bottom's up!”
Rainbow took one look at the chalice and grimaced.
“Awwww shucks. Fine!” Applejack forcibly grabbed the back of Rainbow's head and tilted the container up to the pegasus' wincing lips. “Better pretend it's an old mug of cider, cuz here it comes, darlin'! Batten down the hatches!”
Rainbow Dash shook, shivered, but nevertheless pursed her lips just in time to ingest the cool, sloshing liquid. As it entered her mouth, her muzzle tensed up. Ultimately, she swallowed the medicine in short, thirsty gulps. It took a long, slow minute for her to down the entire container's worth, but at last she finished, slumping back against the pillows of Zecora's bed with a prolonged exhale.
“Okay! She did it!” Applejack placed the goblet onto a table and held Rainbow's shoulders. “She drank it all!” She shook the pegasus. “Rainbow! Rainbow, can you understand me?! Say somethin'!”
“Pssssst!” Zecora tapped Applejack's shoulder. “Applejack, do not be so hasty. Only patience will show proof of the remedy!”
Applejack bit her lip, refusing to wrench her eyes away from Rainbow Dash's figure.
The pegasus stirred, fidgeted, and writhed slightly. Then, with a quiet belch emanating from her lungs, the electrical spark fizzled away in her eyes. Her body relaxed all over. Finally, her tail went limp and her fuzzy blue ears folded back as she gazed up at Applejack and Zecora with a rosy smile.
“H-hey, guys...” she murmured in a hoarse voice. “H-how's it... koff... h-hoofin'?” Her eyes teared at the end of a raspy cough.
Applejack smiled wide. She jumped up, pumping a hoof through the air. “Yeee-haaaaaaaa! It worked!” She spun around and nuzzled Zecora dearly. “Zecchy, you beautiful, beautiful zebra, I could marry you!”
“Hmmmm...” Zecora chuckled warmly. “In that case, you'd better bring the shrunken head of a cursed monkey, seeing as it's my homeland's only acceptable form of dowry!”
Applejack blinked, cross-eyed. “Whazzat?”
“It's just a sample of zebra humor, you see.” Zecora smiled. After several seconds of no reaction, she rolled her eyes and trudged across the hut. “Bah! Make sure she rests while I tend to my alchemy...”
Applejack watched her trot off, then turned to Rainbow Dash. “Whew... you had me scared for a moment there, Rainbow. What on earth got into you at the library, sugarcube?”
“I...kaff... kaff...” Rainbow wheezed, eyes tearing. “I-I'm sorry, AJ. I just... was so b-bored today. And wh-when I-I visited Spike...”
“Hmph. Forget about it for now, darlin'.” Applejack smiled and pulled a blanket up, tucking it warmly around Rainbow's frail form. “I'm just glad yer safe and no longer speakin' nonsense. Wait until Spike hears yer back to normal. He's probably spat a million letters to Princess Celestia by now! Poor little thing. I'd better go see if he's doing okay.”
“Mmmnngh... n-no...” Rainbow stirred beneath the covers, her face awash with a delirious smile. “St-stay here with me... you can... c-can...” Her breath trailed off, as did her words, murmuring indecipherable phrases against the desert bedsheets.
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Hmmm?” She tilted her head back and leaned in. “What's that, sugarcube?”
“You can... c-can...” Rainbow coughed for one last time. “...can cuddle your doll forever.”
Applejack's face went blank. She tried speaking, but it was her turn to cough. At last, she squeaked forth, “Uhm... b-beg yer pardon... R-Rainbow?”
“Don't worry, Applejack...” The pegasus curled into a fetal position, her face stuck with a contented smile as she drifted off into blissful slumber. “I'll... k-keep you safe from the... watermelon seeds...”
Applejack's jaw hung open as she felt her heartbeat rising like cannonfire against her eardrums. “You... y-you mean to say that... th-that you... you...”
Just then, the door to Zecora's hut burst open. Twilight Sparkle rushed in, breathless, followed by Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and even Princess Celestia herself.
“Applejack! Zecora!” Twilight hollered, sweating profusely. Two bags stuffed full of spellbooks and magical reagents hung bulging at her lavender sides. “We came as fast as we could! Where's Rainbow Dash?! Please tell me she's still alive!” She fidgeted in place, her violet eyes close to tears.
“Good heavens!” Rarity gasped, pointing across the hut. “Applejack! Your face! Why, you're as red as a beet, darling!”
“Buhhhhhh—” Applejack turned around, practically drooling.
“Great burning desert rocks!” Zecora gasped, dropping a beaker of frothing solution to the floor beside her table. “She's got the Jungle Pox!” Instantly, she reached into a pantry and grabbed a bag full of crystalline powder. “Do not worry, my pony friends! Enchanted filament will make amends!” That said, she flung the container like a grenade at Applejack's face from afar.
“No! Zecora! Consarn it!” Applejack was engulfed in sneezing powder. “Gaaaugh—Kaff! Kaff!”
“Oh no!” Pinkie Pie squeaked. “Applejack's got the sneezies! Run for the hills!” She darted outside in a mauve blur.
“Pinkie Pie!” Fluttershy gasped, scrambling after her. "Come back!"
“Everypony relax!” Twilight stammered. “The Jungle Pox isn't contagious!”
“But what about Rainbow Daaa-aaa-aaash!” Rarity had flung herself at Zecora's hooves, sobbing hysterically. “Please tell me that you can fix that poor darliiiiing! I can't stand to live while my friends' sufferrrrr!”
“Elegant unicorn, get off my hooves! I'll tell you about Rainbow as soon as Applejack's health improves!”
“Rainbow Daa-aa-aa-aash!”
Princess Celestia took one long look at the hut full of crystalline snow, panicked ponies, sobbing unicorn wails, and alchemic smoke. She sighed long and hard, gave a gentle smile, and trotted slowly, calmly, back into the Everfree Forest.
Author's Note
Goddammit, Sisko...
Well, not a spectacular story, but my 50th story, nonetheless...
