Tis But a Scratch

by Dr Atlas

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Royal Guard, Random
Length: 2852

A royal guard finds himself at the mercy of a caring princess when his hoof gets cut.

First night guarding turns into a strange turn of events for a newly recruited guard.

Edited by a great person called Alticron

Published 2014-02-16 16:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-16 16:30:03 UTC

The First Night

“PRIVATE!”

The guard’s eyes shot open and instinctively put a hoof to his head, causing slight trauma in the process, after the sudden outburst from his commanding officer.

“Sir yes sir!”

“Put your hoof down private, and while you're at it tell me why I had to call you by name?” The private lowered his hoof and looked at him with worried eyes. He knew exactly why he called him by name, and was terrified to tell him.

“Sir!...uh...because I was dozing off again, Sir.”

“And how many times have you done this tonight Private?” The officer asked sternly.

Private gulped. “Sir!...uh…” he patted his hoof a couple times as if he were counting. “Three times sir.”

The commander shook his head “Private, please tell me why you are so tired tonight?”

Private rubbed his hoof against his arm shamefully “Well sir, it’s...uh...it is pretty late and...uh.”

“Late!” The commander shouted “Son, its only midnight, and you’re telling me that you're so tired that you just want to doze off?!”

“I...uh.”

“Not only that, but to sleep at the front doors to the Canterlot library!” The Private flinched at the harsh tone his commander was speaking in.

“Well...I-”

“The very library...” The commander interrupted. “that holds more knowledge about this kingdom than any other place in the land of Equestria.”

“Sir...It’s...um”

The commander moved within an inch to his face. The private could almost see the fire in his eyes. “And you want to let others get a hold of those sacred books and scrolls because you decided to take a nap?!”

The private violently shook his head. “No sir! Absolutely not!” The commander sneered at his remark. Then slowly backed away.

“It’s times like this I’m surprised you passed through your training, Private. Do you know how important it is to protect this room?”

“Of-of course sir. It’s just that-”

The commander faced him again. “It’s just what, private?”

Private bit his lower lip. “It’s just that... this is the first time I’ve done this...and-”

“And this is my two thousand and twenty seventh time I've done this. And you don't hear me complaining.” The private widened his eyes at his statement. He’s done this over two thousand times? He felt the commander’s hoof wrap around his neck and bring him closer.

“And I’ve cherished each and every one of them.” The commander looked down at him. The private looked just like any other rookie. The white as snow coat, The shiny golden armor, no scars on him. He shoved him aside. “But you are starting to lose my patience, son. And to think that after all these years, you're co-guarding with me.” The commander roughly poked him in the chest.

The private was beginning to think twice about this offer to guard it. He heard from other royal guards that it was a cake walk, whatever that means, and it was so easy that anypony could do it, even a private like him. But this was starting to become too much for him.

The private looked back toward the commander. His brown coat and wrinkles made him think that he was ready for retirement. “Look sir,” Private said “I-I'm sure it will get better, right.” He gave a slight chuckle and a grin that quickly vanished as the commander glared at him again.

The private decided that he should stop talking and just get back to work, and by that it just meant sitting around doing nothing.

Then he then felt it. The one thing that could make this night even worse. The one thing that he knew if he told the commander, he would receive more that a stern talking too. The one thing that all guards feared more than anything while on guard duty.

“Um...sir.”

The commander turned his head toward the private again. “What is it now?” He said blankly.

“Can I uh...use the restroom real quick?” The private made an innocent grin to the commander.

“You want... to use... the restroom?” the commander said blankly. The private nodded, expecting him to only say no or to just yell at him again, though the commander just sighed and turned away.

“Son.” The commander said. “Guards like me make our bladders strong and our kidneys even stronger to deal with something like that.” The private frowned. Looks like he would have to hold it in for toni-

“Go ahead.” the private’s jaw nearly dropped to the ground. Had he heard him say that right?

“Sir?”

“I said go ahead private, I can keep watch here while you do your business. Just make it quick.” With that the commander turned away. The private felt kind of bad for him. He had dozed off several times and here he was asking to squeeze the lemon. Though the sensation that was continuing to build up in him quickly changed his mind.

“Um...Well...I guess I’ll see you in a few minutes then?”

The commander looking away, disappointment riddled on his face. The private couldn’t take any more of this, and neither could his bladder.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The private had finally found the restroom after walking for what felt like hours. Luckily for him, other guards on the job pointed him in the right direction. As he turned around the final corner he finally found it.

“Sanctuary.” He whispered.

The restroom was like any other. Sinks, stalls, and most importantly, a toilet. Grinning, the private made his way to the nearest one.

He finally felt relief, though in the back of his mind he still felt kind of bad for doing this. Leaving your post just for something like this isn't very professional. As he finished doing his business, he made his way to the sink to wash. He took off the armor on his hooves and set them down close by, then he grabbed the soap and turned the water, then his ear twitched.

He dropped the soap and immediately turned the water off. “Someone’s nearby.” He thought. He had learned that whenever an ear twitches, it meant that is was picking up sound somewhere, and he could only guess it was hoof steps. He glanced at the door, wondering whether or not to walk over and open it. At this point he could tell the sound was getting closer. His rookie mind was starting to panic.

“M-maybe its just another guard on patrol.” He laughed nervously, but he realized that the hoof steps were way louder then they should be. Curiosity finally overtook him and with a shake of his head, he made his way to the door.

Only to slip on the very soap that he dropped moments ago. As he fell, his right hoof scratched against the armor he had set down and his head hit the side of a nearby stall. Then he fell with a thump to the tiled floor. His head was starting to spin. He tried to get himself up again only to wince in pain as he put pressure on his right hoof. He laid back on his side. He had just nearly knocked himself out just because of some stupid soap! “It can't get any worse...” He groaned.

Then the door opened.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At first, the private thought he was hallucinating from the fall. But as he started to regain his sight, he knew he wasn't. Standing right before him was the one and only-

“P-p-princess Celestia?”

He looked up at the alicorn. She gave a face that was so expressionless that the private couldn't even tell what she was feeling. He looked back down fearing what will happen. “What is she going to do to me?” He thought. He could already see the consequences that would happen. She might punish him for leaving his post. Or even fire him for doing something so stupid. Or maybe banish him from ever coming back to Canterlot. Or maybe she will-

“Are you alright, my subject?”

The private looked back up to see her face had changed from expressionless to one of worry. For some reason, this only made him feel worse.

“Uh...y-yeah….I’m...uh...I’m alright.” He said with a fake grin.

Celestia moved closer. “You look as though you are in pain.”

“No no no, I’m fine...I just need to GAH!” he tried to get up again, only for his hoof to let him down. He was about to make a third attempt until he felt a strange feeling come over him. He looked down at his body to see that he was being surrounded by a magical aura. Before he knew it he was off the ground and as he looked up he saw he was just inches away from the princess’s face.

“You don’t sound fine.” The princess said in a motherly tone that made the private slightly blush.

“Well...” The private said “I-I can shake it off...I mean...I can still stand guar-”

“Not with that hoof, you can't.” Celestia interrupted. The private was about to say something but the princess took hold of his injured hoof. Her touch was so gentle that he couldn’t even feel any pain when she grabbed it. While she inspected the damage he just stood there. (Or levitated there.)

“Why is she acting like this?” He thought. “When I went through training, the guards always talked about how you should never ever ever talk to the princess unless it was something that was more important than your very life. So why is she-”

“How did this happen?” Celestia asked.

The private recovered from his thoughts and looked back at the princess. “Oh uh...I was um.” He was beginning to sweat. How was he supposed to tell a princess that he did something that even a fool would know better not to do.

“You can tell me.” She said in the same motherly tone than before.

“Okay...I..uh.I….Fellonthesoapandcutmyhoofonmyarmour!” He shut his mouth with his left hoof after spewing out those words. Celestia just looked at him in shock.

“So that’s what happened?” She said with a smile still on her face.

The private shamefully hung his head. “Yes princess...that’s what happened.” He said in the saddest tone he could possibly make. He had just let the princess down by leaving his post AND hurt himself while doing so. She was probable going to-

“Then let’s see what I can do about it.” Without warning she levitated him in the air and placed him on her back with his arms on one side of her and his legs dangling on the other.

“P-p-princess, why are you-?”

She craned her neck so she could make eye contact with him. “Well we can’t have you walking on an injured limb now, can we?” The private merely stared back at her; His jaw dropping.

“W-why are you-?”

“Because I wouldn’t want any of my subjects to be wounded while on guard duty.” She said holding a hoof to her chest. “Now let’s see what we can do about that hoof of yours.” She gave a smile. Then she turned her head toward the private’s armor and levitated them. She then trotted out the door with a guard on her back and armor in her magical grip.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The private’s mind was still trying to process just what was happening to him. One minute he was on the ground in pain, and now he is resting on the back of one of the most important ponies in all of Equestria. Though he couldn’t understand why she was doing this. He had always heard that the princess did have a tone of a mother, but he didn’t know she also acted like a mother too.

“Um...where are we going, princess?” The Private questioned.

“To the infirmary. Where do you think we were going?”

“Wait, the Infir-AH” The private tried push himself up from Celestia’s back, though his cut hoof only denied him the freedom of moving.

“Ah ah ah. No fussing until we get there.” Her tone of voice was that of a stern mother wanting his son to behave. It was starting to humiliate the private even more. He was thankful that she didn’t pass any guards on the way there.

Once they reached their destination, the princess levitated him off her back and set him down on the ground. “Now then, let’s see if we can find something in here to fix that cut.” As she went to the nearest cabinet, the private merely sat in place and looked around the room.

It was like any other infirmary, cabinets filled with medical supplies, a nearby bed. Then he looked back at the princess. He couldn’t believe what she was doing, helping a guard who was slacking off in his duty? It only made him feel bad for her. He was on the brink of losing it if he didn’t ask. He couldn’t hold it in anymore. He had to.

“Princess? Why are doing this?”

Celestia turned around with a bandage in her magical grip. She looked at him in shock. “What do you mean, subject?”

“Well...It’s just that...You're acting kind of...well…”

She walked toward him. “Well, what?” She said with a smile. The private felt like running away, maybe even getting back to his job, even if it meant dealing with the Commander again, and a cut hoof too.

“Its just that you're...well..you’re...actinglikemymom!” He shut his eyes and shielded his face with his hooves from what he could only guess would a magical blast coming right toward him. As he heard her hoof steps come closer and closer, he knew he would just receive a slap to the face instead. He was bracing himself for it. He knew it would be happening. It would be coming any second now…

“What is taking her so long?” He thought. Then he felt it. His hoof was lowered by her magic and he felt the agonizing pain. The unforgettable hurt, the feeling of the stinging, and the...feeling of peroxide? He lowered his other hoof from his eyes to see that she had indeed rubbed a peroxide soaked cotton swab on his cut. He looked up at her, mouth gaped open.

“Who said I’m acting like one?” She said with a smile. “I do apologize for the slight sting though, but it must be done for the next step.” She magically lifted the bandage and began wrapping it around the cut. Making sure to take special care not to cause any more harm. The private meanwhile looked down at his hoof that was receiving treatment. He tried to say something but from what was happening to him, he couldn't think of anything.

Once she was done wrapping his hoof she gave it a slight pat to make sure no more pain was being given. “How does it feel now?” She asked

“It...well...it..uh..It feels...somewhat okay.” The private turned away, still not sure how to react to this.

“Why don’t I try this?” She bent her head down till his hoof was at eye level. Then she gave it a very caring kiss. The Private looked back and started to blush. Did she really just…

“Does it feel better now?” She asked.

The private merely hung his jaw wide open. Though he had to admit it did feel a little bit better now. “Um...yeah...it uh...it feels better now.” He smiled with his face still flushed pure red.

Celestia merely chuckled. “I thought it would.” She said. Then she laid down his armor for his hooves. “Now run along back to your post. The library won't guard itself, you know.” She gave a wink toward him and then trotted off, leaving the private alone in the room. He sat there for a few moments, then he realized something.

“Wait!” He ran out the door. “How did you know that I guarded the-” but she was already gone. The private sat out in the hall unable to understand anything at that moment. He then shook his head and decided to follow her orders and get back to work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What is taking him so long? It shouldn't take this long for a pony to relieve themselves.” The commander grumbled to himself, wondering whether or not to just go out and find him. Then his ear twitched. He shot up and looked in the very direction the noise came from. He couldn’t make out what it was since his eyesight was starting to fade. But he could recognize that white and golden blob anywhere. It was-

“Private!” He ran towards him like freight train making the Private brace himself for impact, but the commander stopped and stood right in front of him, anger in his face. “What took you so long? Do you know how long I have been waiting here for you?” The commander glanced down at the privates hooves. “And what is wrong with your right hoof private?!” The private merely looked at him with a smug expression on his face. “WELL?” The commander was, obviously, starting to lose his patience with this pony. Then private shook his head.

“You wouldn’t believe me If I told you, sir."