Grayer Than Gray Until Today
I was always bad at remembering things. Ever since Tavi first met me she knew of my memory issues, but she learned just how bad my memory was on our first date. I took Tavi out to dinner, as far as she knew it was just two friends talking over food, she hadn’t suspected a thing. It was a cold winter night and she lived rather far from the restaurant so I invited her back to my apartment for a while longer. She accepted my invitation gladly. She seemed to get a jolt from the invitation. I was scared, Tavi grew up in a family with all the money in the world, she was used to perfection and nothing less. My living space was usually a mess, cluttered with things I couldn’t bother to put away or forgot to do so. I cleaned up earlier in the day, I think, though I was still uncertain it would be enough even if i had remembered to clean. I was nervous, sweating on the inside, but a weight lifted from my shoulders when I opened the door. I had cleaned after all. Surprisingly enough when she walked into the living room. Instead of commenting on my less than perfect couch, she sat on it. My heart jumped out of my chest and butterflies formed a hurricane in my stomach. She didn’t feel the need to ask to do anything, she seemed almost as if she was home. I had known her for a long time, three years now, I think, but we had only met in public, at a restaurant, a cafe, a park, everywhere. You name it, we most likely have been there. I sat next to her, a little awkwardly at first. She was the first to speak. We talked of the dinner we had eaten, the walk to my apartment, she even complimented me on my choice of furniture. Odd, she had so much money yet my budget coffee table was of interest to her. I could tell she meant it, I don’t know why but it meant a lot to me. She even rested her head on my shoulder for a moment. She never seemed to notice the tension in the air. I was so scared. Maybe she does have feelings for me, but why would she want me, I look like nothing standing beside her, nothing. Trying to compare us would be like comparing apples to oranges. Apparently I had forgotten to respond.
“Vinyl, are you okay? You’ve gone pale.”
Shoot shoot shoot, what do I say now, think think, I thought. “Aren’t I always pale?” I facehoofed internally. Smooth Vinyl, smooth. “I’m going to go splash some water on my face. I’ll be right back.”
I went to stand and wobbled quite a bit, I nearly fell over but managed to make it to the bathroom without any major problems. My whole body was trembling by then. “Just do it, the worst she can do is say no!” The words echoed through my head but they quickly lost all meaning. Tavi was everything to me, I couldn’t bear to see her walk out of my life. I just couldn’t.
I felt it coming so I put a silencing spell around me. No sooner than the spell was cast did my stomach empty its contents on the floor. It took all my strength to keep the spell going and not fall in my own sick. Never had I been so glad to be a unicorn as I was at that moment, I dropped the silencing spell and cast a spell to clean both the floor and myself. I grabbed my toothbrush and brushed my teeth thoroughly followed by a rinse with mouthwash. I filled the sink with cold water and stuck my face in it letting the tips of my mane hang down in the pool of water. I pulled the towel off the rack and dried my face with it leaving my mane partially wet. Draining the sink I opened the door to find Tavi standing there ready to knock on the door.
“You weren't coming back and I got worried about you.”
I wondered how long I had been in the bathroom, “Oh, sorry, the cold water felt really good on my face.”
“You look like you’re feeling much better.”
“I am,” I gave a nervous laugh, “Thanks.”
For once even Tavi seemed to have nothing to say. I thought to myself, It’s now or never Vinyl. “Octavia, can I ask you something?”
The amount of innocence on her face killed me, she still had no idea what I was going to ask of her. “Of course Vinyl. What’s on your mind?”
My heart fluttered at the usage of my name. I grabbed her hoof in mine and looked her straight in the eyes, she looked slightly confused but didn’t move. “Octavia Philharmonica, will you please be my Special Somepony?”
It felt as if time stopped, every second seemed longer than the first as I waited for her response. “What if she says no.” The thought scared me. “What if she says yes.” For whatever reason that thought scared me more. What scared me the most however, was that either could happen.
Tavi stared at me for a moment, her mouth in the shape of an o, I thought I had done something wrong. Suddenly her eyes were filled with tears and a smile covered her face. She flew into me knocking me to the floor and gave me a hug. She didn’t need to say it with words, her actions answered for her. What she did next shocked me so much I forgot to breath and felt paralyzed. Tavi kissed me on the lips. I laid on the floor unmoving, eyes wide and mouth agape. Tavi stood above me staring down at me, smiling.
“You okay Vinyl?” She said to me, but I still didn’t move. “Vinyl?”
A smile grew on my face and I jumped up from my spot on the floor. I hopped around like a little filly on Hearths Warming day. I may have even, what do the kids call it these day, squee’d. I then remembered what I had forgotten, one crucial item. I forgot the ring.
“Octavia…”
“Yes darling?” Man she warmed up to the thought of us being together quick.
“I forgot it, I can’t believe I forgot it.”
“Forgot what darling?”
The fact that she didn’t know only made it harder to tell her. “The ring, I forgot the ring. Of all the things why did I have to forget the ring. I’m sorry Octavia…”
“Darling, I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time, longer than I’ve led on. And a ring, or lack there of, will not change that.”
Tavi may have thought it trivial, but to me, it was a mistake I wish I never made. “But, I.”
“No, “But I.” Anything, if you want to make it up to me we can go shopping for a ring tomorrow. For now all I want is to spend time with you. As a marefriend.”
Tavi always knew how to bring me out of a state of self hate from botching a plan. Or was it just her presence? I smiled and gave her a hug. “So what were you thinking?”
“Well if you don’t mind, which I don’t think you will, I would love to stay here for the night.”
“Done.”
“And second, think about today, what do you think everypony else is doing right now.”
“I don’t know…” I felt stupid but I really didn’t know what she was implying at the time.
“What is today?”
“Uhm. Hearts and Hooves Day?”
“Correct, and what do you think most couples do on Hearts and Hooves day?”
“Uh, I don’t…” My whole face turned red, or so she told me.
I followed her to the couch and we went through the night on her terms. I woke up the next morning beside my new marefriend, she was the whole world to me and now I had her for eternity. Or at least that’s what I thought three years ago.
She told me the next morning about her parents who kicked her out and how she was living in a house even smaller than the one I lived in and the terrible condition it was in. I let her stay with me and we let her, “house,” go into foreclosure. We went shopping for a ring and she picked out a simple gold band that went around her hoof, I purchased one similar for my horn. Life was great, it was like before only I was with her all the time.
I still remember those days, I only wish they had lasted longer. exactly two years later I wake up on Hearts and Hooves Day. It was nice, Tavi had helped me with my memory issues and I could remember what day it was without the help of a calendar. Anyway, I woke up and something just didn’t feel right. A cold chill crawled up my spine. I turned to Tavi and saw her beautiful mane a mess from sleeping all night. I smiled and hugged her. It was then that I found out what that sense of foreboding was. Tavi was dead. I held her cold and lifeless body in my hooves. I wanted to cry but my eyes remained dry. I stared down at her body hoping it was just a sick joke, a nightmare, something, just not real. I slapped myself but I felt it, there was no way i was still asleep. I laid her body down neatly and covered her with the bed sheets, her head and her hoof with the ring remained visible.
“There, it’s almost like you’re still sleeping now.”
Though I had no desire to see their faces I thought they still deserved to know what happened. I began the long walk to Tavi’s parents house, well, it was more of a mansion, but whatever. I finally arrived at their doorstep. I knocked and their butler greeted me. He said his name was Gerold or something, i didn’t really listen to what he said. I didn’t care to know his name, nor the name of Tavi’s parents. I was merely here to tell them what happened and leave. As I told them what happened Tavi’s mother began crying. I began to take my leave but was stopped by their butler.
“I’m sorry for your inconvenience Mrs. Scratch, but it was the wish of Mrs. Octavia Philharmonica that you received this after her time had ended.”
He handed me an envelope with my name on it. I gave him a blank stare as I ripped the letter open with my magic. It was certainly written by Tavi. I wondered why Tavi had sent a letter to her parents for them to give to me. But my question was answered as I read the letter. Tavi’s parents tried to read the letter over my shoulder but i moved it from their sight. I still remember every detail of that tear stained letter to this day.
Dearest Vinyl Scratch,
I could not bear to tell you this while I was alive for I did not want it to haunt you until my times end. Ever since I was a little filly I have had a terminal illness that would drastically shorten my lifespan. I did not want you living the next couple of years with the knowledge that I would suddenly be gone eating away at you. I can only hope that in my death you may forgive me for what I have done.
With love, Octavia Philharmonica
It was then that I had finally lost it. The butler helped bring me to my hooves and gave me tissue for my nose. For whatever reason when Tavi’s mother engulfed me in a teary hug I didn’t shove her away. I sat there and cried for hours. When my tear ducts stopped producing water Tavi’s mother sent the butler to call the morgue and send them to pick Tavi up from my house.
The funeral was short for Tavi didn’t have much family besides her parents a few cousins and me. I remained relatively calm through the funeral. I comforted Tavi’s weeping cousins one of which bore the same cutie mark as her. But that was then.
This is now, as I sit alone in our room a year after her death I read the letter again even though I already know it by heart. I guess I hope to find something else in the little note besides the beautifully scribed goodbye that caused me to break down in front of Tavi’s parents so long ago. I read the letter again before I set it down on the side table and cry myself to sleep, again.
“Goodnight Tavi.”
Author's Note
Never take for granted those around you for you never know when they will be gone.
