Regrets of a Princess

To those who did not know her, Celestia was the very embodiment of calm and collected. And even those who considered themselves close to her would never think of her as the kind of mare who'd have any weight in her heart. But this was not so. Perhaps it was to keep the ponies in her realm at ease, or perhaps it was out of some inherent dislike of being pitied, but regardless, the Princess of the sun did indeed have worries in her life, though she would never speak of them. Her mind would often be plagued with doubts and second-guesses about the choices she'd made in her life, but today, none was more prominent in her thoughts than her choice of apprentice.

It had been mere months since it had happened, and still she had a hard time coping. They day she'd witnessed that young filly was unlike anything she'd seen. Twilight Sparkle, a young hopeful attempting to enter Celestia's school for gifted unicorns, had been struggling with her examination. For whatever reason, the young girl had suddenly let loose a powerful burst of magic, causing havoc throughout the chambers and even achieving the impressive feat of hatching a dragon egg. Celestia knew what this meant, and had intervened at once. When all was said and done, young Twilight had been named her personal protégé.

But that decision had weighed heavily on her. The moment she saw what had been happening in her school, she knew exactly who and what Twilight was, and more importantly, what she would need to do about it. The girl herself had no knowledge of what was going through the Princess' mind at this point, and that was exactly how Celestia wanted it to be. No need to make the filly feel anything other than welcome here. After all, she'd had to leave her home, her family, in order to be boarded here at the school properly. The absolute last thing Celestia needed to do was share the weight of what was going on in her mind.

And that was why she was here, making her way down the halls of the school to the room Twilight had been assigned to. Every once in a while she would pass a teacher, or a student, and unlike the guards or other townsfolk of Canterlot, they did not bow. This was not rudeness on their part however, but merely what Celestia had often asked of them. This was, after all, the last place where she wanted ponies to think she was above them. Soon enough, she came upon Twilight's room and knocked on the door. There was a sound of hoof-steps from behind the door and within moments, it creaked open. Celestia looked down and smiled warmly at the young lavender filly who greeted her.

"Good morning, Princess!"

Celestia chuckled a little at the enthusiasm in her apprentice's voice, and looked on as young Twilight opened the door further, inviting her in. Not one to reject an offer, Celestia casually trotted inside and took stock of Twilight's new accommodations. The room was far neater than that of any other student she'd known here, with piles of books placed in alphabetical order and all of her other school equipment carefully stored away. She'd be a studious one, that much was certain. Turning, she glanced down at the young filly.

"I just came to see how you were settling in".

Twilight smiled widely.

"It's great! The other teachers here are very nice. But..."

The filly looked down a little, prompting Celestia to raise an eyebrow at this sudden behaviour. It was not long though before Twilight continued.

"...I wish my Mom, Dad and BBBFF were here".

Celestia smiled at that and placed a hoof gently upon her student's shoulder, gaining their attention.

"I'm sure you do. But remember, they're all very happy that you're here Twilight. As am I".

The young filly smiled at that, a sight that warmed the Princess' heart a great deal. It was here that Celestia caught sight of something behind her student. Sticking out like a sore thumb was the one untidy spot in her room. A collection of awkwardly-cut paper, some stickers and a small bottle of glitter. Seeing the raised eyebrow on her mentor, Twilight turned to see what she was looking at. When she understood what, she smiled back at her before walking over to the pile.

"I'm making a card for my Mom for Mother's Day!"

Although Celestia was usually quite happy to see her student so enthusiastic about something, this time her words caused a far different reaction. The face of the Princess changed into one of both surprise and, to Twilight's confusion, sadness.

"Mother's Day? It's that time of year already?"

Twilight looked at Celestia with an unsure expression, having never seen her mentor this way before. She said nothing, but nodded her head in response to Celestia's question. The elder pony quickly composed herself, not wanting Twilight to see her in that state, even though every fibre of her being called out for her to feel that way. She put on a smile for the benefit of her student and walked over to her, kneeling down on all fours and looking at the hoof-made present she was making for her mother.

"That card looks very nice, Twilight. I'm sure your mother will love it".

Twilight blushed a little at the praise her teacher was giving, lifting the card and using it to partially hide her now-crimson face from her. Celestia chuckled at this reaction, thinking it perhaps the most adorable thing she'd ever seen Twilight do. In time, the young filly came out from behind her card and spoke again.

"I wanted it to be special. So much has happened. My Mom is really happy that I made it as your student. I just hope..."

The girl looked down at the floor, looking a little worried, to which Celestia looked at her with a tilted head.

"...I just hope she's proud of me".

Celestia looked on at the young girl. A filly who looked as though she had the wight of the world on her tiny shoulders. Her love for her parents was clear, as was her desire to prove herself to them. Seeing that devotion, that love, struck deep into Celestia. Although she'd tried her hardest not to let such thoughts enter her mind while she was with this girl, they nevertheless persisted. And as such, it was not long before her mind cast her back to far-off memories of a dark and stormy night, and a choice she had lamented to this day.

........................

The wind and the rain were ferocious, and almost everypony had retreated indoors to wait out this terrible weather. The cobbled streets of Canterlot were assaulted every second with raindrops and the darkness of the night combined to make this an overall very unpleasant time. But, walking along the streets, unseen, was a figure. Tall and clad in a dark cloak, the figure walked the streets of Canterlot until it found what it was looking for. A house, ordinary and unremarkable, but nevertheless what it was looking for. The home of Twilight Velvet and Night Light. Good ponies, both of them, and exactly the kinds of people she was hoping to find.

The figure approached and was given a brief reprieve from the rain by the canopy above the front door. Standing silent, the figure moved within it's cloak and out of it emerged a slender, white foreleg, carrying a small pink bundle. Gently, the figure laid the bundle down on the welcome mat in front of the door and knelt down beside it. Moving it's foreleg, it uncovered a small section of the bundle, and looked down at what, to the figure, was the most precious thing in the world. It was a unicorn foal, barely a month old, whose fur was the most beautiful shade of lavender.

The figure looked down, and brought it's face close, bringing it's warm, motherly voice to a whisper.

"You are my daughter. And that is why I must do this. I have made many enemies in my life, and all of them will try to get to me through you."

The mare's white foreleg was raised and was gently placed on the cheek of the still-slumbering child. Tears flowed down the mare's cheeks as her voice began to wobble.

"But know this...I will always love you. And though you may never know me...know that you will always be in my heart".

Leaning forward, the mare gave the sleeping infant a tender kiss on her forehead. There was a brief stirring of the child, letting the cloaked figure know that she would soon wake, and she knew that now was the time. Standing tall one more, she raised her hoof and knocked on the door. That did the trick, as the mare saw that lights were now being lit from within the house. It would only be a matter of time before the couple came down here and found what she had left, so she turned and swiftly made her way from this place. But, in the gloom and the rain, she looked back one last time at the child she loved so much, knowing she'd never see her again.

...................................

That one memory had haunted the Princess for every moment of every day since it happened. But, being who she was, she'd created a convincing mask of calm and contentment ever since, not wanting anypony to know the sheer heartbreak she'd felt since that day. But now, those terrible feelings threatened to rise to the surface once more as she looked down at her student, who was still worried about how she might appear to the mare she called mother. But Celestia knew she could not say what was truly in her heart of hearts. She'd made her choice, and though she'd never expected to see this girl again, she knew it was something she would have to endure. It would break her heart every single day to know that she could never embrace this girl as her mother, never call her "daughter", never have Twilight look up at her and think of her as family. But, like so many things in her life, Celestia knew how to cope with heartbreak.

So, putting on the mask of a smile she'd come to wear so well, she raised a hoof and placed it on Twilight's shoulder, gaining her attention once more. When she looked up, Celestia looked into those sparkling eyes, so very familiar to her, and gave an encouraging smile to her.

"My dear Twilight. Know this. Your mother will always be proud of you. This...I swear".