The Adventures of Awesome McSaucepants: Inspired by CheeseDeluxeby SatinChaptersThe Day that I was Totally Fucking Awesome The Day Canterwhatalotnot Became Uber-Fucking Awesome!Touch Yourself to ThisA Million or Zero Fucks GivenThe Day that I was Totally Fucking AwesomeThe Adventures of Awesome McSaucepants: Inspired by CheeseDeluxe Chapter 1: The Day That I Was Totally Fucking Awesome! If you wanna be that blatant with names, you might as well change your character's name to "Awesome McSaucepants." At least that one is humorous. - CheeseDeluxe ((Things double parentheses arent actually part of the story just what happens when 4 jackasses trollwrite.)) Prologue: In a time before the Elements of Harmony. In a time where chaos and unawesomness are rife. In a time when there was no Awesome McSausepants. Who will Equestria call on? That’s right, back the fuck up bitches, it's AWESOME MCSAUSEPANTS! Strolling through Equestria, his dick ablaze and his Yamaha motorcycle, is he the one man who will claim Equestria for his own? ... ... ... Well, duh, he's AWESOME MCSAUSEPANTS motherfuckers, what do you think. With a bargain bucket in one hand and a broad sword in another and a mini-gun in another and a human corpse in another hand, Awesome will impregnate ponies everywhere he goes, even the males, to create (if they don’t die from snusnu), a perfect world of only Awesome McSaucepants. I woke up this morning to explosions. I didn’t look at it, CUZ COOL GUYS DONT LOOK AT EXPLOSIONS, THEY MAKE THEM. I got up and brushed my teeth using liquid plutonium, shit was so cash. I walked from my awesome room, my path leaving a trail of fire, I then ventured to the kitchen, which proceeded to explode upon my entry. Didn’t matter, my bowl of Awesome-Os was safe. After exiting the building, I proceeded to the church where I cured leper ponies left, right and centre, until all ailment had left Ponyville. Any mares who even dared look my way creamed their pants and then set on fire. And then they fucked! ((I then went to the bar and DEFENESTRATED some bitches! Bucking and defenestrating takes their toll though. It was time to defenestrate and then buck)) After passing some flaming-crotch ponies I decided that the best way to let off some steam would be to go into a bar. I then proceeded to defenestrate all the stallions in the bar. Then I walked to the counter, ordered some water, and left the bar. The remaining mares in the building laughed, and then they all bucked. I ordered some cookies, dunno how, dunno why, but one thing I do know: Bitches love cookies. I then left the bar, bitch slapping ponies on the way before getting onto my conveniently placed Yamaha motorbike outside, I then doughnutted the fuck to Twilights library. ((Ah sent that bitch a smiley face, bitches love smiley faces!)) Saw Gilda flying in the sky, bitch made Fluttershy cry. NOBODY MAKES FLUTTERSHY CRY. so I slapped that bitch out of the air with my massive cock. ((I then skinned her alive and wore her like a coat. I then grew a beard. fell to the ground and bucked that bitch till she screamed, back to twilight's library!)) I then did a 180 turn in slow-motion and multiple explosions fired off in the distance. I held position until the flames died down, while the mares around me again swooning their affections at me. I held up a hand, they all drew breath as I paused for a moment. ((and then they all bucked! I withdraw my earlier statement)) BITCH, I DON’T NEED NO AUTOCORRECT YOU DICKNOZZLE. I think I killed one, as she cluthed her chest and fell to the ground. Confound my sexy winks. I then smiled widely and my teeth gave off a twinkle. "Whatever" I said walking past the dead mare. I choose not to acknowledge the uncool, and Dying? Definitly uncool. I grabbed the doorknob to twis `brary. The door exploded, resulting in my perfect smile becoming wider. I was just that badass. Twilight instantly saw me, how could she not? I'm the most fan-fucking-tasticly-awesome human in this town. She threw herself at me and pinned me to the floor. I was ready and... ((bring it home buddeh! a month passed fuck no it didnt! I'm too awesome for time jumps! And EVERYONE was pregnant.)) Busy at the time, I threw her off of my chest and proceded to look at spike, who instantly grew to dinosuar like preportions. We immedietly set down at the table, I placed my hand in his with a fiery growl. The battle was instantaniously over, spike laid defeated. Even a T-rex cant beat this shit. I then went to twis fridge and took a bite, chewing defiantly I spit out nails and left the house. "Peace bitches." Being the BAWS that I am, I ressurected Spike and teleported him to the Everfree where I could cause all the damage I wanted. Spike roared like Godzilla and I became fucking super saiyan, sending a kamehameha wave his direction. Some bad judgement on my part resulted in Manehattan being completley oblitorated, bad thats cool. I'll smile at the homeless and the burn victims and all will be forgiven. Spike, or what was left of him, laid motionless on the floor. I walked over to his corpse and saw my reflection in one of his blood covered scales, admiring myself, I pulled out some shades and a comb. After slicking back my hair, I summoned some fucking KFC and took a bite. Using the debris from the remaining remnants of the everfree I built a giant, Godzilla shaped coffin. I did it with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back. Just cause i could. Lifting Spike into it, I flew up into space and sat on the moon. From there, i presision aimed my semi-chewed up KFC down at Equestria, I spat, REALLY FUCKING HARD. Each nail like, chicken bone embedded itself in the wood of the cofin, sealing Spikes fate for ever. I then BLEW HIM THE FUCK UP. Like a BAWS, cause I can. ((for those of you counting, I KILLED SPIKE TWICE.)) Walkin' mah ass over ta fillydelphia red light district. Some hoes sittin on the street sellin their asses on the street cuz they aint no baws like me! Walked by over to the Wonderbolt Stadium as explosions went in my wake kilin them hoes. The dead hookers then rose up to pony-heavan as angels. Just as they were about to walk through the pearly gates. I BLEW THEM THE FUCK UP! I dickslapped God himself. As I walk away in slow motion, God holds a hand up to his recently dick smacked face and exploded. I throw on my shades. Ignoring the screaming of angels, because I’m too badass to listen to the choir. I entered the stadium and walked straight from the ground to the clouds where the Wonderbolts were practicing. They all saw me standing there and immediately had heartattacks from the sheer amount of awesome in the air at that moment. I caught the mares on clouds, like a baws. And then, wished them merry Christmas. "It’s not Christmas" Spitfire gagged as she died. I turned from her, removing my shades from my face, I looked down at Fillydelphia. "Not Christmas?" I said lightly, before replacing my glasses I laughed. "It is now." Then five inches of snow covered the entirety of Phillydelphia, and I hopped onto a rocket powered pegasus pulled sleigh, yelling "Ho ho ho mutha fuckas" As I flew to Canterlot, to take my rightful place as awesome ruler. The Day Canterwhatalotnot Became Uber-Fucking Awesome!The Day Canterwhatalotnot Became Uber-Fucking Awesome! Chapter 2: The Day Canterwhatalotnot Became Uber-Fucking Awesome! “Get this fact straight, you cunt: Characters are not made so interesting things can happen to them. Characters are people.” – CheeseDeluxe. I carried through town, my rocket sleigh suddenly exploded, launching me two hundred and eighty feet into the air. I watched as the ground approached rapidly underneath me, and with a snap of my fingers, landed safely at the wheel of an oversized ship. "Whut?" I heard from behind me, I ignored it as I sailed the vessel through the cement, taking great care to blow up everything that got in the way. "I am Captain Jack Sparrow mate! Get off my ship!" I Looked at the bedraggled pirate and slipped a pair of shades on over my shades. "Nope." I then parked my boat in the royal Canterlot castle gardens, and walked inside, as the boat exploded, sending the captain flew through the air. ((This is the tale, of Captain Jack Sparrow! Pirate so brave, on the seven seas!)) I strode into the white halls of the Canterlot place, slapping guards as I went. They looked at me and went blind instantaneously, their eyes burning out of their skulls at my aura of awesome. Luna tried to pounce on me from behind but I smacked that bitch upside the head, putting her in her place. “Back in the kitchen mare!” I shouted. “Make me a sammich!” She scurried off pretty quickly, shakin’ dat flank as she went. I made my third right hand into the shape of a gun and aimed it at Luna as she fled to the kitchen. Pulling the imaginary trigger, I shot a bullet of pure awesome into Luna’s flank, instantly, she fell to the floor, writhing in pleasure as drips of succulent liquid fell to the floor from between her legs. She rolled onto her back as I reloaded, walking closer to her. With guards all around and Luna’s hind legs apart, facing towards me, I pulled the trigger a second time shooting her right in the vajay-jay. Streamers and rainbow coloured confetti exploded from the mare’s nethers in an endless torrent of orgasmic euphoria, covering the many guards from head to toe. “Oh yeah, dat plot.” I said, as I strode from the halls to the throne room, leaving the guards to clean up the mess I’d made. ((TIME SKIP! The fuck'd I say, I'm too awesome for time warps!)) I stepped through the doors into the throne room, and then opened them, turning around I faced Celestia. "Sup hoe" I said as I strode through the red carpeted halls, everything around me became decorated with posters of my band, the awesome in the room increased 20000% past lethal levels for anyone not wearing an Awesome McSaucepants official pin. Twelve of the fifteen guards dropped dead as the remaining three all threw themselves out the window, I struck a pose near the throne and pointed to the pony princess "My room now." I flicked a finger upwards as she flew to the sun, banishing her for as long as I feel she is unawesome. I then took a seat in the throne, and it exploded underneath me. "Fuck yea." I said as Luna brought me a sammich. I ate that shit as miniature explosions rocked my mouth, it was delicious. Celestia burned to death on the sun. Perfectly content though, as the last sight she'd seen (apart from the melting of her own eyelids) was Awesome McSaucepants. The last thing she did before dying was orgasm. Back in the Ponyville: Twilight had the mane six in the library, Spike was missing, cause he was dead, twice. Beaten to death by a Kamehameha wave and KFC, he now lied eternally banished at the bottom of the sinkhole that used to be the Everfree forest... And dead. Anyway, back the fuck up to the library bitches. Twilight was all like "guys, Johnny Depp is so hot, I need him IN ME." Applejack turned to her and was all like, "Shut up whorebag, he's mine" She then pulled out a blunt and lit it. This is cause drugs are cool, and you should totally convince your kids to do them. Anyhow, Twilight went upstairs and opened her secret cosplay cupboard, taking out a Kiera Knightly, Elizabeth Swan costume. "Gais, I am so kawii right now!" Rarity was all like, "Bitch be stealing ma fashion." She then punched Twilight in the face. "Much better." They then all left the library in a hovercraft, heading towards Canternotalot. Pinkie was clearly getting off on the hovercrafts vibrations. Out of nowhere, a douchbag green pony with a shit Goku rip-off haircut and a triforce cutie mark steeped into the way of the hovercraft. They RAN HIM THE FUCK OVER, cause high, drunk driving is cool. His remains were pureed by the read hovercraft blades. Shit was so cash. The rest of the journey was rather uneventful and after a slight detour, they arrived in Canterwhat four and minus three quarter days later. ((It aint a goku haircut It's a yu gi oh BIATCH)) I stood from my throne, and then launched myself upwards, gravity was all like "Fuck your couch, I’m not helping you down muther fucker!" So I dickslapped Gravity and was like "I don’t need your ass anyway" As my awesome rooted me back to the floor. I needed nothing but awesome. I left the throne room as it exploded, twice. And continued through the halls, taking great care to avoid Luna, she may want me, and that’s uncool. I left the building then flew to the broken remains of Manehattan. I strolled through the broken buildings. then, with my super awesome extendo arms, I built a giant nightclub. I teleported the only female DJ who could handle my extreme levels of awesome to the booth and then held on hand up as she began ub wubbing the FUCK out of everything. Then I left the building, My awesome could not be contained. Then I teleported and, found myself back in the castle, "what can i say? I like it here, it smells of burning princess.'" Just for teh lulz, Awesome walked out of the castle, there was nothing to do, all the guards were dead, killed by Awesome's, awesome. He strolled into Canterhot proper and found a bar. He entered it. (That’s what she said.) He ordered a pint of petrol with a side of cyanide on the side. West-side! He downed his cyanide and shat a rainbow! Throwing the petrol over himself, he pulled out a lighter and set himself on motherfucking fire. This felt good, and he pelvis thrusted his way across the bar, slapping stallions with his blazing manhood. Fireworks went off behind him. "Bar fight!" Some douchnozzle shouted. As quick as awesome can be, Awesome awesomely DEFENESTRATED that motherbucker, it was awesome. As the stallion went through the window, he was teleported by pure awesome, back into the bar, where he was promptly defenestrated again, this time with Awesome's fifth arm! Oh yeah, I went there! After doing the cha-cha slide, Awesome blew up the bar. He then left. He then entered the bar and blew it up. He then left and went to find Captain Jack Sparrow, for he knew, that was where his destiny was. Touch Yourself to ThisChapter 3 - Touch Yourself to This!!!!! “We're not fucking morons; evidence proves otherwise. Instead of being a condescending asshole and telling us every single damn piece of information, why don't you imply it?” - CheeseDeluxe I flew to Ponyville, since after all. Pirates love villes. That’s a known fact. So I flew my happy ass down to Ponyville and was like "Sup hoes" when I landed in the centre of town, every female crotch around me exploded simultaneously in orgasmic fury, the fire jutting from their crotches immediately set every male within two miles on fire. I put on my shades over my other two pairs and smiled, the twinkle shattering the sun, causing it to grow dark. But I was like. "fuck that" And sent my tooth sparkle into the atmosphere. Instantly remaking the sun. "`Srite." I mumbled as I began walking around the dozens of screaming males. Every female in the area stopped spewing fires and fainted and I continued my walk to the best place to find pirates. The library. I may have strolled through Ponyville again, but who knows. I may have also teleported back to Canterlot, but I may not have. After possibly arriving in Canterlot I might have put on a fourth pair of shades. Fireworks went off behind me, but they didn't at the same time, you decide. At some point between Friday and Friday I walked up to the palace, trying to find my destiny again, because I totally lost it earlier. I don't know where it went. It might have been with me the whole time, but no one really knows. While possibly heading to The Black Pearl I might have stumbled across Jesus. He totally maybe summoned some fish 'n shit and then I was all like "Fuck fish!" I then swallowed my micro-Jesus. In an alternate dimension. Space folded around me and I was now Jesus. Call me, Jesus McAwesomeMcSaucepants now, for I am the messiah. Find me a lake and I shall walk across it. I saw the Black Pearl off in the distance and maybe a hovercraft but that may be the LSD talking. Is that Johnny Depp and a unicorn version of Twilight Swan? I must sexy them. Lots of sexy. They will bear my children and start the McSaucepants revolution. One thing though. Cause I haven't for a while. I NEED to blow the fuck out of something. I then killed some fag called Kronos and ordered a second sandwich from Luna. Bitches be wack yo. My sandwich teleported to me in record time, and I set it on fire. Fuck yeah, toasties. I took a bite out of that shit, flavour filled my mouth as it turned into rainbows, my diamond teeth made mincemeat outa that shit. Then the rainbows shot from my mouth and detonated around the town, causing people to scream in panic. But im way too cool to scream. So instead I opted for a song instead. I whip out a guitar from behind my back and strike a power chord so hard the sound barrier broke sending shockwaves in all directions. The strings set on fire and the vibrations rocked the nearby mares into another badass orgasm. "Damn, the floors all slippery..." Somewhere I heard Big Mac cry "Whoa nelly!" as he also came. I opened my moth for the first line: "Strollin' around, being badass, destroying shit and defenestratin' bitches. I'm Awesome McSaucepants, what you gonna do huh? I got mah six string and my flamin' dick, what you gonna do bitch. Oh yeah! I smack a ho', I don’t tell mares twice. They speak up, I slap 'em back down!" ~~~~~ Awww yeah Jackie boy, Come at me Sparrow! I was feeling old-school. "Anyone have a 44 Magnum? Of course not, they're all dead." I bent over and picked up a handy magnum of the floor. "You just can't write this shit." I wondered if it worked and ponited the barrel towards my face, I pulled the trigger. I mean ALL OF DIS SHIT. ((I pulled out my dildo-sword and swung at Luna's head. My head exploded from the impact, i reached my hand down into my neck and pulled out another head. "Awwww yeah bitches!" I pulled out my old-rice-krispy-cake-dildo-sword and swung at Luna's head! I pulled out my double-edged-old-rice-krispy-cake-dildo-sword with sprinkles on top for the first time. Making me totally hipster. No one else owns one of these badboys. "Hmmmm... Fuckin' hipster... Those bitches are next on my list!")) "I've got so much shit to do." I took a piss with the toilet seat down. "Fuck yeah..." I then didn't flush, lifted the seat and walked away, leaving my elephant shlong out for the world to see. I then grew dragon wings which shot out on either side of me, "I have the weirdest wingboner right now..." I stroked my wingboner and grew an erection. I flew over towards Twilight Swan, and my destiny. I dropped down onto the Black Pearl and Jack Sparrow popped out of a barrel, "Now what are ye doin on my ship?" I smacked him with my flaming boner and he fell off the ship, I then picked up Twilight Swan and flew back to Ponyville. As I left the ship exploded. I had my way with Twilight swan as I flew, because ponies in dresses. Hell yes. Spooning is tons of fun. Twilight looked at me and I smiled back. You gon’ get raped… A sly grin grew on her face as she trotted towards me. She totally wanted it. I wasn’t going to deny her what she was after in the library. I knelt down and we were soon at eye level. God those are some damn beautiful violet eyes. She raised a hoof and put it around my neck, drawing me in close. Her lips curled and her eyes glistened as our faces drew near. She could feel the pure awesome coming off of me, and it made her tingle in her nethers. I closed my eyes, I was gonna make this a wild ride for her. Fuck that, she’s just a masturbation aid, something to make me cum, a vessel for my seed. She WILL start the Awesome revolution. She stall be a test, to see how much of Awesome a mare can take. Our lips soon touched and I felt her quiver. God, I knew I was good, but not this good! Who am I kidding, I’m Awesome McSaucepants, I’ve ALWAYS been this good. The kiss continued and soon after, I felt her tongue pressing against my lips, seeking to gain entry. Who was I to deny her? Oh right. Awesome McSaucepants! I let her. Our tongues mingled with each other in the void between our lips and a sweet trail of saliva connected us as I pulled away. Something about the fire erupting from her crotch tells me she might have just cum. Lucky for me, I’m wearing fireproof trousers. Fuck. I bathe in napalm. I noticed one of her hooves slipping between her legs. I pulled it away and replaced it with my own. Using my other hand, I put it on her back and scooted her closer. Slipping my fingers down between her hind legs, she squealed and I felt the glistening juices flowing freely as I slid my finger up and down her petals. She violently shook some more and gasps started escaping her lips. She fell onto her back and HOLY FUCK, I JUST REALISED THE MANE SIX IS WATCHING ALL THIS. FUCK YEAH. Anyhow, She slid onto her back and presented herself to me, hind legs splayed wide open. Her coat was stained all the way from her marehood to her tail, it was even running along the floorboards of the ship. They were gonna have to start bailing this shit soon. Now, I’m not one for missionary, but fuck. I don’t wanna kill the mare. Lil’Awesome can be quite the handful if I’m not careful. Anyways, seeing as my elephant shlong was already out, I figured I’d put it to good use. I was now fully erect, I mean, Johnny Depp is a good looking guy, and the only concern I had was that I was going to kill my destiny. Twilight Swan might not have been able to deal with a boner of this magnitude. “She can take it! Go balls deep in the bitch!” “Stop it boner…” I positioned my arm-like appendage at her entrance and began pushing. Gently? No. Fuck that shit. All the way in, in one go! That’s just how I roll. One fucking huge penis for Twilight, one great step for the Awesome revolution. The whore screamed as I rammed the full length of my elephanthood into her, and she once again erupted into a rainbow fountained, flaming crotch orgasm. I got some in my mouth. Fuck yeah, tastes like caviar. This is one damn-fine-bang-tidy pussy. I thrusted for a while longer and soon became bored. “Hey, some bitch, get over here.” “Anything for you Awesome!” “Beat it Luna.” “Y-you want me to leave?” I pulled out my dick and threw Twilight overboard. I would finish with her later… “No. Seriously,” I pushed my dick into the moon princess’ face, “beat it.” She took hold with her soft silky hooves and started furiously jerking my shaft. That’s the spot. It takes a real princess with hundreds of years of practice for this shit. That’s the good stuff! Luna soon couldn’t resist and opened her mouth, engulfing at least one nineteenth of my shaft. The sensations of her tongue drove me ever closer and I knew my time was up. I needed something to finish me off. I pulled out of Luna’s hot mouth and slapped her with the full length of my shaft. Fue to the insane amounts of leverage, she was sent flying, most probably into some griffon nest somewhere where she can get raped for all I care. She served her purpose, she made me sandwiches. Anyhow. I made my way to the side of the ship and dove off. This is what I need. Awesome. I observed myself in the waters reflection and took note of my hunky physique and glorious fire encrusted-explosion endorsed blue eyes. This water must have been HD or some shit, as I could even see the rainbow colouring around my iris’. Fuck. I am a god. And a damn beautiful one at that. I grasped my shaft and masturbated at light speed, diving fully into the water. Swimming at like 9000 knots or something, I reached Twilight quickly. I was at my limit. I picked her up and started swimming to the surface. On the way, I slid her over my elephant dick like a used condom and blew my ethereal load. She shot up to the surface and flew out of the water, gaining altitude quickly. I flew after her. After all, I couldn’t let the mother of creation die on my watch, and within a few seconds caught her in my arms. I then flew back down to the ship, wiped my dick on the curtains and said to Jack. “Fuck your couch. Peace out.” I flew off into the sunset. A Million or Zero Fucks GivenChapter 6 – A Million or Zero Fucks Given Leave me the fuck alone – CheeseDeluxe did not say this… well yet I woke up to her crying again… I pinch my nose and exhale as I turn over and find the other half of the bed empty once again. I drag myself out of bed and go into her room. Shes curled up in the fetal position sobbing. “Shhhh shhhh shhh” I coo as I get on to her bed trying to comfort her. My presence helps bit as she calms down a fair bit after I get onto her bed. She turns over and starts to nestle into my chest. “When is Mom coming home Dad? When?” I shake my head, “I just don’t know. I just don’t.” She sobs a bit more before finally falling asleep. This happens far more than it should and it’s time that this ends. I can feel the tears soaking through my shirt. Tomorrow this has got to change. Berry Punch awoke late in the afternoon. She was in the back alley of a small bar lying by a few trashcans. She rubbed her head trying to ward off her hangover. She had been out drinking by herself again. She did so often, a little too often. Berry had been struggling with drinking. She saw the way her family and friends looked at her, she knew they were aware of her... "problem." Occasionally one of them would speak up to her about it but she was to prideful to accept their help. Bucking hell! What time is it? She looked up to the sky seeing the sun already high in the air. "Ugh why is it so bright out here!" She tries to stand up only to fall straight into one of the trashcans. Well lets try this again. Using the side of the bar to support herself she slowly works her way back up. Why do I keep doing this to myself. Well then, I shake the the trash off of myself, time to go see the family. I make my way back to the house, keeping my head down as to not draw any attention to myself. Alas, it doesn't work and a big ball of goddawful pink energy is soon bouncing into my field of vision. "HEY BERRY!" Pinkie says in her loud singsong voice right now. Oh Celestia, I don't need this right now. My head throbs with every jump she makes as she gets closer to me. "Berry you smell like garbage!" She says happily. I start to glare at her. "Happens." I say curtly. "And your mane is all matted!" she says while bouncing next me. "Pinkie." "And your eyes are all baggy!" "Pinkie please" "And" "PINKIE!" I yell interrupting her. My head screams in response. Ohhhhhhh why would I do that. At least she has stopped talking. She walks away dejected at my outburst. The rest of the walk home is uneventful. I unlock the door to find the most amazing smell wafting through the air. I make my way to the kitchen to find my loving husband making something. He turns to me and hes wearing my pink apron with my cutie mark on it. "I figured you'd be hungry when you got home so I made you some apple fritters." He said happily but with just a hint of sadness. I pretended not to see it. "It smells wonderful Awesome!" I say smiling. He rolls his eyes, "You know I hate being called by my first name!" "Fine! Kennith!" We both laugh. "So where is my little Pinch today?" "School" Kennith says as he starts serving up the fritters. "I thought that was tomorrow! I can't believe I missed her first day of school!" "Don't worry about it, just be here when she gets back. I'm making all of her favorite foods in celebration." I smile weakly. I know it's not ok but the reassuring makes me feel better. We both sit down and eat the wonderful food he made. Joking and laughing. It feels good to part of this family! WHERE THE BUCK IS SHE!!!!! Berry Pinch got home an hour ago looking forward to spending with her mother and I. I'm sitting alone in the kitchen wearing a ridiculous party hat. The table is stacked with a un-Celestia-like amount of Pinch's favorite food and not a single amount of it had even been nibbled. Berry Pinch had been excited when she had gotten home but that had quickly changed when she learned that Berry Punch wasn't here she started tearing up and ran into her room. I slowly take off the hat and throw it across the room... WHY She has to know that's shes hurting us! I pick up a dish of hay fries and throw it at the wall. The plate shatters into a million pieces. "WHY!" I yell as i flip over the table. A loud knocking comes from the door. I wake up from the couch startled. My eyes start to squint in anger as my thoughts start to collect. I get up and throw the door open to find Rainbow Dash in front of me. I calm down a bit. "You need to come with me. It's Berry Punch, there's been an accident." My eyes widen in horror as the realization hits me. "Let me go get Berry Pinch" I wake her up and try to explain, but sometimes the words won't come. I end up with, "We need to go now, your mother is in trouble." She nods as I pick her up and run to the hospital. There she is. Lying there, completely oblivious to the world around her. She has a rabbit stuff animal next to her that's missing an ear. There was cart and the harness was loose and they couldn't catch it and she didn't see it. CELESTIA WHY?!? She had gone out to get Pinch a present for her first day of school... It had been pretty hard on me seeing her broken like this but it had been even worse on Pinch. I don't think she can cry anymore though, I think she ran out of tears and fell asleep next to Berry Punch. I'm sitting here in her room waiting for an improvement in health just listening to her heart monitor beep. This is going to be worse than all those nights without her. I hope she clings to life. We need her here. It was morning now. Not much has changed. I haven't been able to sleep with thoughts of having to raise Berry Pinch alone. I don't know if I can do it, she needs someone there to talk to her about boys and me saying YOU BETTER NOT BEFORE YOU'RE AN ADULT probably won't help. The beeping of the heart monitor has been getting slower as the night drew on. I'm waiting for the inevitable, but then i hear it. A small cough. I sit there amazed as i see Berry Punch's head lift a bit look around. I'm too amazed to move. My legs won't budge. She nuzzles Pinch, waking her up and whispers something into her ear. She then turns to me and motions me to come over. "I don't think I have much time left, and I need to tell you something." She says in a rasping voice. I get up. Open the door. Get on the floor. Everybody walk the dinosaur.
The Day that I was Totally Fucking AwesomeThe Adventures of Awesome McSaucepants: Inspired by CheeseDeluxe Chapter 1: The Day That I Was Totally Fucking Awesome! If you wanna be that blatant with names, you might as well change your character's name to "Awesome McSaucepants." At least that one is humorous. - CheeseDeluxe ((Things double parentheses arent actually part of the story just what happens when 4 jackasses trollwrite.)) Prologue: In a time before the Elements of Harmony. In a time where chaos and unawesomness are rife. In a time when there was no Awesome McSausepants. Who will Equestria call on? That’s right, back the fuck up bitches, it's AWESOME MCSAUSEPANTS! Strolling through Equestria, his dick ablaze and his Yamaha motorcycle, is he the one man who will claim Equestria for his own? ... ... ... Well, duh, he's AWESOME MCSAUSEPANTS motherfuckers, what do you think. With a bargain bucket in one hand and a broad sword in another and a mini-gun in another and a human corpse in another hand, Awesome will impregnate ponies everywhere he goes, even the males, to create (if they don’t die from snusnu), a perfect world of only Awesome McSaucepants. I woke up this morning to explosions. I didn’t look at it, CUZ COOL GUYS DONT LOOK AT EXPLOSIONS, THEY MAKE THEM. I got up and brushed my teeth using liquid plutonium, shit was so cash. I walked from my awesome room, my path leaving a trail of fire, I then ventured to the kitchen, which proceeded to explode upon my entry. Didn’t matter, my bowl of Awesome-Os was safe. After exiting the building, I proceeded to the church where I cured leper ponies left, right and centre, until all ailment had left Ponyville. Any mares who even dared look my way creamed their pants and then set on fire. And then they fucked! ((I then went to the bar and DEFENESTRATED some bitches! Bucking and defenestrating takes their toll though. It was time to defenestrate and then buck)) After passing some flaming-crotch ponies I decided that the best way to let off some steam would be to go into a bar. I then proceeded to defenestrate all the stallions in the bar. Then I walked to the counter, ordered some water, and left the bar. The remaining mares in the building laughed, and then they all bucked. I ordered some cookies, dunno how, dunno why, but one thing I do know: Bitches love cookies. I then left the bar, bitch slapping ponies on the way before getting onto my conveniently placed Yamaha motorbike outside, I then doughnutted the fuck to Twilights library. ((Ah sent that bitch a smiley face, bitches love smiley faces!)) Saw Gilda flying in the sky, bitch made Fluttershy cry. NOBODY MAKES FLUTTERSHY CRY. so I slapped that bitch out of the air with my massive cock. ((I then skinned her alive and wore her like a coat. I then grew a beard. fell to the ground and bucked that bitch till she screamed, back to twilight's library!)) I then did a 180 turn in slow-motion and multiple explosions fired off in the distance. I held position until the flames died down, while the mares around me again swooning their affections at me. I held up a hand, they all drew breath as I paused for a moment. ((and then they all bucked! I withdraw my earlier statement)) BITCH, I DON’T NEED NO AUTOCORRECT YOU DICKNOZZLE. I think I killed one, as she cluthed her chest and fell to the ground. Confound my sexy winks. I then smiled widely and my teeth gave off a twinkle. "Whatever" I said walking past the dead mare. I choose not to acknowledge the uncool, and Dying? Definitly uncool. I grabbed the doorknob to twis `brary. The door exploded, resulting in my perfect smile becoming wider. I was just that badass. Twilight instantly saw me, how could she not? I'm the most fan-fucking-tasticly-awesome human in this town. She threw herself at me and pinned me to the floor. I was ready and... ((bring it home buddeh! a month passed fuck no it didnt! I'm too awesome for time jumps! And EVERYONE was pregnant.)) Busy at the time, I threw her off of my chest and proceded to look at spike, who instantly grew to dinosuar like preportions. We immedietly set down at the table, I placed my hand in his with a fiery growl. The battle was instantaniously over, spike laid defeated. Even a T-rex cant beat this shit. I then went to twis fridge and took a bite, chewing defiantly I spit out nails and left the house. "Peace bitches." Being the BAWS that I am, I ressurected Spike and teleported him to the Everfree where I could cause all the damage I wanted. Spike roared like Godzilla and I became fucking super saiyan, sending a kamehameha wave his direction. Some bad judgement on my part resulted in Manehattan being completley oblitorated, bad thats cool. I'll smile at the homeless and the burn victims and all will be forgiven. Spike, or what was left of him, laid motionless on the floor. I walked over to his corpse and saw my reflection in one of his blood covered scales, admiring myself, I pulled out some shades and a comb. After slicking back my hair, I summoned some fucking KFC and took a bite. Using the debris from the remaining remnants of the everfree I built a giant, Godzilla shaped coffin. I did it with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back. Just cause i could. Lifting Spike into it, I flew up into space and sat on the moon. From there, i presision aimed my semi-chewed up KFC down at Equestria, I spat, REALLY FUCKING HARD. Each nail like, chicken bone embedded itself in the wood of the cofin, sealing Spikes fate for ever. I then BLEW HIM THE FUCK UP. Like a BAWS, cause I can. ((for those of you counting, I KILLED SPIKE TWICE.)) Walkin' mah ass over ta fillydelphia red light district. Some hoes sittin on the street sellin their asses on the street cuz they aint no baws like me! Walked by over to the Wonderbolt Stadium as explosions went in my wake kilin them hoes. The dead hookers then rose up to pony-heavan as angels. Just as they were about to walk through the pearly gates. I BLEW THEM THE FUCK UP! I dickslapped God himself. As I walk away in slow motion, God holds a hand up to his recently dick smacked face and exploded. I throw on my shades. Ignoring the screaming of angels, because I’m too badass to listen to the choir. I entered the stadium and walked straight from the ground to the clouds where the Wonderbolts were practicing. They all saw me standing there and immediately had heartattacks from the sheer amount of awesome in the air at that moment. I caught the mares on clouds, like a baws. And then, wished them merry Christmas. "It’s not Christmas" Spitfire gagged as she died. I turned from her, removing my shades from my face, I looked down at Fillydelphia. "Not Christmas?" I said lightly, before replacing my glasses I laughed. "It is now." Then five inches of snow covered the entirety of Phillydelphia, and I hopped onto a rocket powered pegasus pulled sleigh, yelling "Ho ho ho mutha fuckas" As I flew to Canterlot, to take my rightful place as awesome ruler.
The Day Canterwhatalotnot Became Uber-Fucking Awesome!The Day Canterwhatalotnot Became Uber-Fucking Awesome! Chapter 2: The Day Canterwhatalotnot Became Uber-Fucking Awesome! “Get this fact straight, you cunt: Characters are not made so interesting things can happen to them. Characters are people.” – CheeseDeluxe. I carried through town, my rocket sleigh suddenly exploded, launching me two hundred and eighty feet into the air. I watched as the ground approached rapidly underneath me, and with a snap of my fingers, landed safely at the wheel of an oversized ship. "Whut?" I heard from behind me, I ignored it as I sailed the vessel through the cement, taking great care to blow up everything that got in the way. "I am Captain Jack Sparrow mate! Get off my ship!" I Looked at the bedraggled pirate and slipped a pair of shades on over my shades. "Nope." I then parked my boat in the royal Canterlot castle gardens, and walked inside, as the boat exploded, sending the captain flew through the air. ((This is the tale, of Captain Jack Sparrow! Pirate so brave, on the seven seas!)) I strode into the white halls of the Canterlot place, slapping guards as I went. They looked at me and went blind instantaneously, their eyes burning out of their skulls at my aura of awesome. Luna tried to pounce on me from behind but I smacked that bitch upside the head, putting her in her place. “Back in the kitchen mare!” I shouted. “Make me a sammich!” She scurried off pretty quickly, shakin’ dat flank as she went. I made my third right hand into the shape of a gun and aimed it at Luna as she fled to the kitchen. Pulling the imaginary trigger, I shot a bullet of pure awesome into Luna’s flank, instantly, she fell to the floor, writhing in pleasure as drips of succulent liquid fell to the floor from between her legs. She rolled onto her back as I reloaded, walking closer to her. With guards all around and Luna’s hind legs apart, facing towards me, I pulled the trigger a second time shooting her right in the vajay-jay. Streamers and rainbow coloured confetti exploded from the mare’s nethers in an endless torrent of orgasmic euphoria, covering the many guards from head to toe. “Oh yeah, dat plot.” I said, as I strode from the halls to the throne room, leaving the guards to clean up the mess I’d made. ((TIME SKIP! The fuck'd I say, I'm too awesome for time warps!)) I stepped through the doors into the throne room, and then opened them, turning around I faced Celestia. "Sup hoe" I said as I strode through the red carpeted halls, everything around me became decorated with posters of my band, the awesome in the room increased 20000% past lethal levels for anyone not wearing an Awesome McSaucepants official pin. Twelve of the fifteen guards dropped dead as the remaining three all threw themselves out the window, I struck a pose near the throne and pointed to the pony princess "My room now." I flicked a finger upwards as she flew to the sun, banishing her for as long as I feel she is unawesome. I then took a seat in the throne, and it exploded underneath me. "Fuck yea." I said as Luna brought me a sammich. I ate that shit as miniature explosions rocked my mouth, it was delicious. Celestia burned to death on the sun. Perfectly content though, as the last sight she'd seen (apart from the melting of her own eyelids) was Awesome McSaucepants. The last thing she did before dying was orgasm. Back in the Ponyville: Twilight had the mane six in the library, Spike was missing, cause he was dead, twice. Beaten to death by a Kamehameha wave and KFC, he now lied eternally banished at the bottom of the sinkhole that used to be the Everfree forest... And dead. Anyway, back the fuck up to the library bitches. Twilight was all like "guys, Johnny Depp is so hot, I need him IN ME." Applejack turned to her and was all like, "Shut up whorebag, he's mine" She then pulled out a blunt and lit it. This is cause drugs are cool, and you should totally convince your kids to do them. Anyhow, Twilight went upstairs and opened her secret cosplay cupboard, taking out a Kiera Knightly, Elizabeth Swan costume. "Gais, I am so kawii right now!" Rarity was all like, "Bitch be stealing ma fashion." She then punched Twilight in the face. "Much better." They then all left the library in a hovercraft, heading towards Canternotalot. Pinkie was clearly getting off on the hovercrafts vibrations. Out of nowhere, a douchbag green pony with a shit Goku rip-off haircut and a triforce cutie mark steeped into the way of the hovercraft. They RAN HIM THE FUCK OVER, cause high, drunk driving is cool. His remains were pureed by the read hovercraft blades. Shit was so cash. The rest of the journey was rather uneventful and after a slight detour, they arrived in Canterwhat four and minus three quarter days later. ((It aint a goku haircut It's a yu gi oh BIATCH)) I stood from my throne, and then launched myself upwards, gravity was all like "Fuck your couch, I’m not helping you down muther fucker!" So I dickslapped Gravity and was like "I don’t need your ass anyway" As my awesome rooted me back to the floor. I needed nothing but awesome. I left the throne room as it exploded, twice. And continued through the halls, taking great care to avoid Luna, she may want me, and that’s uncool. I left the building then flew to the broken remains of Manehattan. I strolled through the broken buildings. then, with my super awesome extendo arms, I built a giant nightclub. I teleported the only female DJ who could handle my extreme levels of awesome to the booth and then held on hand up as she began ub wubbing the FUCK out of everything. Then I left the building, My awesome could not be contained. Then I teleported and, found myself back in the castle, "what can i say? I like it here, it smells of burning princess.'" Just for teh lulz, Awesome walked out of the castle, there was nothing to do, all the guards were dead, killed by Awesome's, awesome. He strolled into Canterhot proper and found a bar. He entered it. (That’s what she said.) He ordered a pint of petrol with a side of cyanide on the side. West-side! He downed his cyanide and shat a rainbow! Throwing the petrol over himself, he pulled out a lighter and set himself on motherfucking fire. This felt good, and he pelvis thrusted his way across the bar, slapping stallions with his blazing manhood. Fireworks went off behind him. "Bar fight!" Some douchnozzle shouted. As quick as awesome can be, Awesome awesomely DEFENESTRATED that motherbucker, it was awesome. As the stallion went through the window, he was teleported by pure awesome, back into the bar, where he was promptly defenestrated again, this time with Awesome's fifth arm! Oh yeah, I went there! After doing the cha-cha slide, Awesome blew up the bar. He then left. He then entered the bar and blew it up. He then left and went to find Captain Jack Sparrow, for he knew, that was where his destiny was.
Touch Yourself to ThisChapter 3 - Touch Yourself to This!!!!! “We're not fucking morons; evidence proves otherwise. Instead of being a condescending asshole and telling us every single damn piece of information, why don't you imply it?” - CheeseDeluxe I flew to Ponyville, since after all. Pirates love villes. That’s a known fact. So I flew my happy ass down to Ponyville and was like "Sup hoes" when I landed in the centre of town, every female crotch around me exploded simultaneously in orgasmic fury, the fire jutting from their crotches immediately set every male within two miles on fire. I put on my shades over my other two pairs and smiled, the twinkle shattering the sun, causing it to grow dark. But I was like. "fuck that" And sent my tooth sparkle into the atmosphere. Instantly remaking the sun. "`Srite." I mumbled as I began walking around the dozens of screaming males. Every female in the area stopped spewing fires and fainted and I continued my walk to the best place to find pirates. The library. I may have strolled through Ponyville again, but who knows. I may have also teleported back to Canterlot, but I may not have. After possibly arriving in Canterlot I might have put on a fourth pair of shades. Fireworks went off behind me, but they didn't at the same time, you decide. At some point between Friday and Friday I walked up to the palace, trying to find my destiny again, because I totally lost it earlier. I don't know where it went. It might have been with me the whole time, but no one really knows. While possibly heading to The Black Pearl I might have stumbled across Jesus. He totally maybe summoned some fish 'n shit and then I was all like "Fuck fish!" I then swallowed my micro-Jesus. In an alternate dimension. Space folded around me and I was now Jesus. Call me, Jesus McAwesomeMcSaucepants now, for I am the messiah. Find me a lake and I shall walk across it. I saw the Black Pearl off in the distance and maybe a hovercraft but that may be the LSD talking. Is that Johnny Depp and a unicorn version of Twilight Swan? I must sexy them. Lots of sexy. They will bear my children and start the McSaucepants revolution. One thing though. Cause I haven't for a while. I NEED to blow the fuck out of something. I then killed some fag called Kronos and ordered a second sandwich from Luna. Bitches be wack yo. My sandwich teleported to me in record time, and I set it on fire. Fuck yeah, toasties. I took a bite out of that shit, flavour filled my mouth as it turned into rainbows, my diamond teeth made mincemeat outa that shit. Then the rainbows shot from my mouth and detonated around the town, causing people to scream in panic. But im way too cool to scream. So instead I opted for a song instead. I whip out a guitar from behind my back and strike a power chord so hard the sound barrier broke sending shockwaves in all directions. The strings set on fire and the vibrations rocked the nearby mares into another badass orgasm. "Damn, the floors all slippery..." Somewhere I heard Big Mac cry "Whoa nelly!" as he also came. I opened my moth for the first line: "Strollin' around, being badass, destroying shit and defenestratin' bitches. I'm Awesome McSaucepants, what you gonna do huh? I got mah six string and my flamin' dick, what you gonna do bitch. Oh yeah! I smack a ho', I don’t tell mares twice. They speak up, I slap 'em back down!" ~~~~~ Awww yeah Jackie boy, Come at me Sparrow! I was feeling old-school. "Anyone have a 44 Magnum? Of course not, they're all dead." I bent over and picked up a handy magnum of the floor. "You just can't write this shit." I wondered if it worked and ponited the barrel towards my face, I pulled the trigger. I mean ALL OF DIS SHIT. ((I pulled out my dildo-sword and swung at Luna's head. My head exploded from the impact, i reached my hand down into my neck and pulled out another head. "Awwww yeah bitches!" I pulled out my old-rice-krispy-cake-dildo-sword and swung at Luna's head! I pulled out my double-edged-old-rice-krispy-cake-dildo-sword with sprinkles on top for the first time. Making me totally hipster. No one else owns one of these badboys. "Hmmmm... Fuckin' hipster... Those bitches are next on my list!")) "I've got so much shit to do." I took a piss with the toilet seat down. "Fuck yeah..." I then didn't flush, lifted the seat and walked away, leaving my elephant shlong out for the world to see. I then grew dragon wings which shot out on either side of me, "I have the weirdest wingboner right now..." I stroked my wingboner and grew an erection. I flew over towards Twilight Swan, and my destiny. I dropped down onto the Black Pearl and Jack Sparrow popped out of a barrel, "Now what are ye doin on my ship?" I smacked him with my flaming boner and he fell off the ship, I then picked up Twilight Swan and flew back to Ponyville. As I left the ship exploded. I had my way with Twilight swan as I flew, because ponies in dresses. Hell yes. Spooning is tons of fun. Twilight looked at me and I smiled back. You gon’ get raped… A sly grin grew on her face as she trotted towards me. She totally wanted it. I wasn’t going to deny her what she was after in the library. I knelt down and we were soon at eye level. God those are some damn beautiful violet eyes. She raised a hoof and put it around my neck, drawing me in close. Her lips curled and her eyes glistened as our faces drew near. She could feel the pure awesome coming off of me, and it made her tingle in her nethers. I closed my eyes, I was gonna make this a wild ride for her. Fuck that, she’s just a masturbation aid, something to make me cum, a vessel for my seed. She WILL start the Awesome revolution. She stall be a test, to see how much of Awesome a mare can take. Our lips soon touched and I felt her quiver. God, I knew I was good, but not this good! Who am I kidding, I’m Awesome McSaucepants, I’ve ALWAYS been this good. The kiss continued and soon after, I felt her tongue pressing against my lips, seeking to gain entry. Who was I to deny her? Oh right. Awesome McSaucepants! I let her. Our tongues mingled with each other in the void between our lips and a sweet trail of saliva connected us as I pulled away. Something about the fire erupting from her crotch tells me she might have just cum. Lucky for me, I’m wearing fireproof trousers. Fuck. I bathe in napalm. I noticed one of her hooves slipping between her legs. I pulled it away and replaced it with my own. Using my other hand, I put it on her back and scooted her closer. Slipping my fingers down between her hind legs, she squealed and I felt the glistening juices flowing freely as I slid my finger up and down her petals. She violently shook some more and gasps started escaping her lips. She fell onto her back and HOLY FUCK, I JUST REALISED THE MANE SIX IS WATCHING ALL THIS. FUCK YEAH. Anyhow, She slid onto her back and presented herself to me, hind legs splayed wide open. Her coat was stained all the way from her marehood to her tail, it was even running along the floorboards of the ship. They were gonna have to start bailing this shit soon. Now, I’m not one for missionary, but fuck. I don’t wanna kill the mare. Lil’Awesome can be quite the handful if I’m not careful. Anyways, seeing as my elephant shlong was already out, I figured I’d put it to good use. I was now fully erect, I mean, Johnny Depp is a good looking guy, and the only concern I had was that I was going to kill my destiny. Twilight Swan might not have been able to deal with a boner of this magnitude. “She can take it! Go balls deep in the bitch!” “Stop it boner…” I positioned my arm-like appendage at her entrance and began pushing. Gently? No. Fuck that shit. All the way in, in one go! That’s just how I roll. One fucking huge penis for Twilight, one great step for the Awesome revolution. The whore screamed as I rammed the full length of my elephanthood into her, and she once again erupted into a rainbow fountained, flaming crotch orgasm. I got some in my mouth. Fuck yeah, tastes like caviar. This is one damn-fine-bang-tidy pussy. I thrusted for a while longer and soon became bored. “Hey, some bitch, get over here.” “Anything for you Awesome!” “Beat it Luna.” “Y-you want me to leave?” I pulled out my dick and threw Twilight overboard. I would finish with her later… “No. Seriously,” I pushed my dick into the moon princess’ face, “beat it.” She took hold with her soft silky hooves and started furiously jerking my shaft. That’s the spot. It takes a real princess with hundreds of years of practice for this shit. That’s the good stuff! Luna soon couldn’t resist and opened her mouth, engulfing at least one nineteenth of my shaft. The sensations of her tongue drove me ever closer and I knew my time was up. I needed something to finish me off. I pulled out of Luna’s hot mouth and slapped her with the full length of my shaft. Fue to the insane amounts of leverage, she was sent flying, most probably into some griffon nest somewhere where she can get raped for all I care. She served her purpose, she made me sandwiches. Anyhow. I made my way to the side of the ship and dove off. This is what I need. Awesome. I observed myself in the waters reflection and took note of my hunky physique and glorious fire encrusted-explosion endorsed blue eyes. This water must have been HD or some shit, as I could even see the rainbow colouring around my iris’. Fuck. I am a god. And a damn beautiful one at that. I grasped my shaft and masturbated at light speed, diving fully into the water. Swimming at like 9000 knots or something, I reached Twilight quickly. I was at my limit. I picked her up and started swimming to the surface. On the way, I slid her over my elephant dick like a used condom and blew my ethereal load. She shot up to the surface and flew out of the water, gaining altitude quickly. I flew after her. After all, I couldn’t let the mother of creation die on my watch, and within a few seconds caught her in my arms. I then flew back down to the ship, wiped my dick on the curtains and said to Jack. “Fuck your couch. Peace out.” I flew off into the sunset.
A Million or Zero Fucks GivenChapter 6 – A Million or Zero Fucks Given Leave me the fuck alone – CheeseDeluxe did not say this… well yet I woke up to her crying again… I pinch my nose and exhale as I turn over and find the other half of the bed empty once again. I drag myself out of bed and go into her room. Shes curled up in the fetal position sobbing. “Shhhh shhhh shhh” I coo as I get on to her bed trying to comfort her. My presence helps bit as she calms down a fair bit after I get onto her bed. She turns over and starts to nestle into my chest. “When is Mom coming home Dad? When?” I shake my head, “I just don’t know. I just don’t.” She sobs a bit more before finally falling asleep. This happens far more than it should and it’s time that this ends. I can feel the tears soaking through my shirt. Tomorrow this has got to change. Berry Punch awoke late in the afternoon. She was in the back alley of a small bar lying by a few trashcans. She rubbed her head trying to ward off her hangover. She had been out drinking by herself again. She did so often, a little too often. Berry had been struggling with drinking. She saw the way her family and friends looked at her, she knew they were aware of her... "problem." Occasionally one of them would speak up to her about it but she was to prideful to accept their help. Bucking hell! What time is it? She looked up to the sky seeing the sun already high in the air. "Ugh why is it so bright out here!" She tries to stand up only to fall straight into one of the trashcans. Well lets try this again. Using the side of the bar to support herself she slowly works her way back up. Why do I keep doing this to myself. Well then, I shake the the trash off of myself, time to go see the family. I make my way back to the house, keeping my head down as to not draw any attention to myself. Alas, it doesn't work and a big ball of goddawful pink energy is soon bouncing into my field of vision. "HEY BERRY!" Pinkie says in her loud singsong voice right now. Oh Celestia, I don't need this right now. My head throbs with every jump she makes as she gets closer to me. "Berry you smell like garbage!" She says happily. I start to glare at her. "Happens." I say curtly. "And your mane is all matted!" she says while bouncing next me. "Pinkie." "And your eyes are all baggy!" "Pinkie please" "And" "PINKIE!" I yell interrupting her. My head screams in response. Ohhhhhhh why would I do that. At least she has stopped talking. She walks away dejected at my outburst. The rest of the walk home is uneventful. I unlock the door to find the most amazing smell wafting through the air. I make my way to the kitchen to find my loving husband making something. He turns to me and hes wearing my pink apron with my cutie mark on it. "I figured you'd be hungry when you got home so I made you some apple fritters." He said happily but with just a hint of sadness. I pretended not to see it. "It smells wonderful Awesome!" I say smiling. He rolls his eyes, "You know I hate being called by my first name!" "Fine! Kennith!" We both laugh. "So where is my little Pinch today?" "School" Kennith says as he starts serving up the fritters. "I thought that was tomorrow! I can't believe I missed her first day of school!" "Don't worry about it, just be here when she gets back. I'm making all of her favorite foods in celebration." I smile weakly. I know it's not ok but the reassuring makes me feel better. We both sit down and eat the wonderful food he made. Joking and laughing. It feels good to part of this family! WHERE THE BUCK IS SHE!!!!! Berry Pinch got home an hour ago looking forward to spending with her mother and I. I'm sitting alone in the kitchen wearing a ridiculous party hat. The table is stacked with a un-Celestia-like amount of Pinch's favorite food and not a single amount of it had even been nibbled. Berry Pinch had been excited when she had gotten home but that had quickly changed when she learned that Berry Punch wasn't here she started tearing up and ran into her room. I slowly take off the hat and throw it across the room... WHY She has to know that's shes hurting us! I pick up a dish of hay fries and throw it at the wall. The plate shatters into a million pieces. "WHY!" I yell as i flip over the table. A loud knocking comes from the door. I wake up from the couch startled. My eyes start to squint in anger as my thoughts start to collect. I get up and throw the door open to find Rainbow Dash in front of me. I calm down a bit. "You need to come with me. It's Berry Punch, there's been an accident." My eyes widen in horror as the realization hits me. "Let me go get Berry Pinch" I wake her up and try to explain, but sometimes the words won't come. I end up with, "We need to go now, your mother is in trouble." She nods as I pick her up and run to the hospital. There she is. Lying there, completely oblivious to the world around her. She has a rabbit stuff animal next to her that's missing an ear. There was cart and the harness was loose and they couldn't catch it and she didn't see it. CELESTIA WHY?!? She had gone out to get Pinch a present for her first day of school... It had been pretty hard on me seeing her broken like this but it had been even worse on Pinch. I don't think she can cry anymore though, I think she ran out of tears and fell asleep next to Berry Punch. I'm sitting here in her room waiting for an improvement in health just listening to her heart monitor beep. This is going to be worse than all those nights without her. I hope she clings to life. We need her here. It was morning now. Not much has changed. I haven't been able to sleep with thoughts of having to raise Berry Pinch alone. I don't know if I can do it, she needs someone there to talk to her about boys and me saying YOU BETTER NOT BEFORE YOU'RE AN ADULT probably won't help. The beeping of the heart monitor has been getting slower as the night drew on. I'm waiting for the inevitable, but then i hear it. A small cough. I sit there amazed as i see Berry Punch's head lift a bit look around. I'm too amazed to move. My legs won't budge. She nuzzles Pinch, waking her up and whispers something into her ear. She then turns to me and motions me to come over. "I don't think I have much time left, and I need to tell you something." She says in a rasping voice. I get up. Open the door. Get on the floor. Everybody walk the dinosaur.
