Twilight on Acid

by Syeekoh

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Main 6
Length: 10428

Twilight accidentally ingests LSD

Twilight has just wrapped up synthesizing a chemical in her laboratory, but starts to have an interesting day when she accidentally doses herself with it.

Published 2014-02-17 01:30:09 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-23 05:08:13 UTC

Around Town

Fluttershy was flying around, singing to her animals.

There’s music in the treetops, and there’s music in the vale,
And all around me music fills the sky!
There’s music by the river, and there’s music in the grass,
And the music makes your heart soar and reply!

When you find you've got the music...
Today’s duet sounded lovely. Wait, duet? She looked to her left to find Twilight singing right beside her, shrieked, and backed towards her cottage.

“W-w-what are you doing here!?” Fluttershy asked.

“Oh, nothing!” Twilight replied, “just singing along with a grrreat friend!” Her head was slightly cocked to the side as she said that, as if it wasn’t quite on all the way.

“Well, I’d like it if you not sneak up on me like that,” Fluttershy said, “yo-you know how I am…” she said, blushing. She then peered at Twilight. Something was wrong with that mare.

“Are your pupils...dilated?” Fluttershy asked, creeping towards Twilight.

“That would explain all the colors around…” Twilight noted happily.

“Colors? You mean like green?” Fluttershy asked, finally approaching Twilight.

“Green and blue,” Twilight responded, which caused Fluttershy to sigh in relief, “and purple and orange and this weird color that I’m going to call ‘ploragne’!” causing Fluttershy to touch Twilight’s head.

“Oh Celestia, you’re burning up! I think you have a fever!”

“How could I have a fever? I’ve never felt better!”

Fluttershy checked Twilight’s pulse, putting her hoof to Twilight’s hock. “Your pulse is through the roof! You’re coming inside with me!” she said, trying to drag Twilight in.

“I’m...fine…” Twilight said, becoming irritated.

“Nonsense, Twilight, you’re sick and need to get better!”

“I told you, I’m not sick, I’m fine!”

“But you’re having a delirious fever! That can’t be healthy-”

“I told you, I’m FINE!” Twilight roared as her coat turned white and her mane and tail turned to fire, causing Fluttershy to yelp and leap back, shivering. Twilight then started musing.

“Now where can I go to look at colors?” she mused, pacing around, failing to notice that she freaked out one of her best friends within an inch of her life. A look suddenly flashed across her face. “Rarity!” And she skipped off, Fluttershy watching in disbelief at the sudden mood swings her friend was having, still shuddering in terror.

“S-something’s wrong w-with T-twilight…” Fluttershy stuttered, “I c-can f-feel it…”

Rarity was working on her latest project for Sapphire Shores when she heard the bell ring. She mumbled in between the pins in her mouth, “Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is chic, unique and magnifique!” She finished the stitch she was working and turned around to find Twilight humming while looking through her pattern swatches. She grinned and asked, “Looking for a new dress? Well, I can-” and stopped at Twilight’s extended hoof. Well, I never!

Twilight was happily humming as she looked through all of her swatches, throwing them on the floor as she was done, to Rarity’s dismay. She had learned long ago, though, to never disrupt the customer during the shopping process. So she watched Twilight, who then asked, “I’m looking for something in a plorange…”

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Plorange? You mean like purple and orange together?”

Twilight sighed heavily. “No, plorange! It’s neither purple nor orange, but an amazing new color that combines the best of both! Like, uh, like this!” she cried out, holding a most ugly swatch of mauve with an intricate design on it, while objectively beautiful, was most definitely out of style.

“But Twilight, that’s paisley!” Rarity said, flummoxed. “Nopony wears paisley anymore!”

“But you have it in here, and it’s plorange!” Twilight whined, “plus, the paisley flows so beautifully!”

“No, Twilight, I will not make you a dress out of paisley! That would simply be a crime against fashion!”

“PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASEEE?” Twilight whined.

“No!” Rarity said resolutely.

“PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASEEE?” Twilight whined again.

“N-no!” Rarity said, a little uneasily.

“PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASEEE?” Twilight whined yet again.

“I’m sorry, I can’t do that,” Rarity said, a little unsure of herself.

“But isn’t the customer always RIIIIIIGHT?” Twilight once again whined.

Rarity looked around. Technically, she was right.

“All right, hop on up. We’re going to make this paisley POP!”

“Yaaaay!” Twilight cheered while clapping and hopping on the podium.

“Can’t take any more of your whining anyway…” Rarity muttered under her breath.

“What was that, Rarity?” Twilight asked as Rarity was measuring her.

“Uh, you’ll look like a star that’s shining away!” Rarity quickly corrected herself as she finished measuring Twilight.

Rainbow Dash was on cloud patrol, knocking them clear out of the sky above Carousel Boutique when she spotted Twilight leaving, skipping happily...in a paisley mauve dress. Now Rainbow Dash didn’t know much about style, but even she knew that nopony wore paisley anymore! She lilted to the ground, laughing her head off. Twilight skipped up to her and asked, “Hey, Rainbow Dash! What do you think of my new plorange dress?”

Rainbow kept laughing, her sides starting to ache.

Twilight grinned. “Are you laughing because of how wonderful my dress is?” Rainbow looked up, and quickly stopped laughing when she saw Twilight’s creepy smile.

“Yeah, uh, let’s go with that,” Rainbow said, standing up and brushing herself off.

Twilight’s eyes flashed. “Do a Sonic Rainboom for me!”

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “You mean like here? Right now?”

Twilight nodded forcefully. “It’ll be sooo cooool!” Rainbow stared at Twilight.

“You sure?” This did not sound like Twilight.

“Come on come on come on!” Twilight shouted, hopping around Dash.

“Well, ok!” Rainbow said as she shot off into the sky, Twilight looking wide-eyed at the blue speck which was careening down towards Ponyville. Quickly it built up speed, until it was a blue blur. Then, it hit. Twilight noticed all the colors of the rainbow. She could taste the ruby red and the opulent orange. She could hear the lilting yellow, the generous green and the bold blue. She could feel in her bones the incredible indigo and the vivacious violet.

“Whoah…” Twilight said as the blast from the Rainboom fluttered around her new plorange dress. Rainbow Dash was scoring rainbow trails across the sky, creating new smells and sounds with each pass. Then, she landed.

“So, how was that?”

Twilight was elated. “Oooooh, that was so great! It was amazing! I love you!” and then she kissed Rainbow Dash full on the lips. She pulled away to see a dazed expression on Rainbow Dash’s face. She must have been awed by my incredible kissing skill, she mused to herself as she happily skipped away.

Rainbow Dash was in shock. She had no idea why Twilight just kissed her. But on top of that, a mare kissed her. She started retching and drank out of a nearby fountain to try and get the taste of mare out of her mouth. She then shuddered.

Something’s off with Twilight...

Pinkie Pie

Applejack walked into Sugarcube Corner, her hat hung low. Pinkie Pie was behind the counter, pulling out a tray of cupcakes. Pinkie turned around, set the tray on the counter and said, “Hey, Applejack! What brings you here?”

Applejack nodded towards the basement.

“There’s something in my basement?”

“No, Pinkie, I mean let’s go downstairs!” Applejack said.

Pinkie nodded. “OK!”

The two mares went downstairs, Applejack shutting the door behind her, Pinkie jumping on her bed, Applejack sitting on the floor in front of her.

“So, what’s up?” Pinkie asked.

Applejack scratched the back of her neck. “Well, there ain’t no easy way to say this...but Twilight’s been actin’ a lot like you lately,” Pinkie opened her mouth to argue, but Applejack shut her up with a wave of her hoof. She continued, “And not in a good way. She’s like all the worst of ya in one big package. Do you have any way of takin’ her out?”

Pinkie mused on this for a second, still bouncing on her bed. “So, the worst of me, huh? Well, I got something right here that’ll take her out for good!” as she whipped out a black rectangle with two smaller black rectangles jutting out the bottom of it from...somewhere.

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Now what is that?”

“An uzi.” Pinkie said flatly.

“And what is that?”

“A machine pistol.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “And what in the hay is that?”

“A gun.”

“Which is what, exactly?”

Pinkie smiled. “It’s a device that’ll take Twilight out for good. Wanna see it?”

Applejack nodded uneasily.

“Alright, then, get behind me!” Pinkie said. Applejack listened and got behind Pinkie. “Now cover your ears.” Applejack did as told. Pinkie Pie then hooked the gun on her hair and took out a pair of sunglasses, slipping them on. “Suck depleted uranium!”

What proceeded shook Applejack to her core. It was a loud series of bangs that sounded like hundreds of fireworks were going off at once, and those fireworks were being shot into hundreds of dragons which all roared at once.

“HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF THE SISTERS TWO!” Applejack cried out, “THAT’LL KILL HER!”

Pinkie was the one who raised an eyebrow this time. “Not if I use rubber bullets!”

Applejack shook her head, her ears still ringing. “Never mind that, yer not usin’ that thing on her! Just, I dunno, knock her out or somethin’!”

Pinkie nodded, putting the machine pistol away...somewhere and pulled a record out from her mane.

“Now what’s that, Pinkie?”

“A record, silly!”

“An’ how you gonna use that?”

“By playing it, silly!”

Applejack let out a long sigh of relief. “That’s good, Pinkie. But how’s that gonna take out Twi?”

“Oh, you’ll see…” Pinkie said, “or actually you won’t because you won’t be in here to see it happen which is REALLY sad because it’s one of my favorite records of all time…”

Applejack paid no heed as she walked out on Pinkie Pie during one of her rambles. And no, she didn’t feel bad at all.

Twilight Sparkle walked into Sugarcube Corner at the behest of Applejack, who promised her more cider if she went in. She looked around for Pinkie and caught her. She waved madly.

“PINKIE! PINKIE!”

Pinkie, who had a tray of muffins in her hooves, turned around and flinched when she saw the creepy smile on Twilight’s face, causing her to drop the muffins, the tray clanging on the floor. She quickly composed herself and said, “Hey, Twi! I have a secret for you in my basement!”

“What is it, what is it?” Twilight asked.

“Silly pony, it wouldn’t be a secret if I told you! Now come downstairs with me!” Pinkie said as she took Twilight’s hoof and led her into the basement, shutting the door behind her.

“Ready for the secret?” Twilight nodded furiously. “The secret is one of my favorite songs EVER!” as she set the needle on the record, letting it play. Cheery guitar music started, followed by a song, which Pinkie Pie started bouncing to.

Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun fun!

Twilight was bouncing with the music along with Pinkie Pie, when Pinkie Pie started pronking into the air. Twilight, not to be outdone, started pronking happily as well.

“Second verse, same as the first!” Pinkie shouted out.

Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun fun!

Twilight and Pinkie were pronking happily to the song, when Pinkie started to bounce up so hard that she banged her head on the ceiling. Twilight tried, but to no avail.

Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,

Twilight kept on trying to hit her head on the ceiling with no luck. She wasn’t going to let herself be outdone by Pinkie, though. She tried jumping harder.

Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,

As much as Twilight tried, she just couldn’t jump as high as Pinkie. Twilight then realized she had something Pinkie didn’t have - wings!

Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile smile smile smile smile-

Twilight put all she had into this last jump, spreading her wings, and finally rocketed into the air at full speed.

- smile smile smile smile smile smile fun fun fun!

Twilight’s head hit the ceiling with a loud KRAK! and she fell down, unconscious, her wings and hooves splayed around her.

A knock was heard at the basement door.

“Come down! It’s done!”

The door opened revealing Applejack trotting down the stairs. “Did you - SWEET CELESTIA WHAT HAPPENED HERE!” Applejack cried out upon noticing the huge crack in the ceiling.

“The Smile Smile Fun Fun song, silly!” Applejack raised an eyebrow at that. “Don’t you see? She may act like me, she may dance like me, but she doesn’t have a noggin like me!” Pinkie said, knocking her own skull with her hoof.

“I believe that one has more ta do with yer hair, Pinkie. Now help me tie her up.”

Pinkie looked sadly at Applejack. “Tie her up?”

Applejack sighed. “It’s fer her own good,” she said, lassoing Twilight’s prone form.

Pinkie nodded. “OK!” and proceeded to wrap the rope around Twilight. Once she was fully bound from head to hoof, Pinkie loaded her up onto Applejack and they proceeded to walk out of Sugarcube Corner, drawing stares from the residents.

“Nothin’ ta see here...just business as usual,” Applejack placated the crowd with, which they seemed to take in good humor as they went back to eating their sweet treats. A bead of sweat dripped down her face as she scrunched it up. It wasn’t technically a lie. We’ve done all sorts of weird stuff around town.

Twilight woke up to complete blackness, her eyes apparently blocked by something. Or maybe she didn’t have eyes. That was something to ponder about. She tried to move her wings and legs, but to no avail. She must not have those anymore either. She tried to use her magic, but she didn’t seem to have magic either. She quickly went through her options. Snake was right out of the picture, that was too sinister. Sea cucumber? No, they lived underwater, so scratch that. She sensed that she was definitely not underwater. Or was she? No, she couldn’t be, she’d have felt a current wash by her. Maybe a worm? Yes, worm sounded right. It felt right. So she was Princess - wait, worms don’t have princesses, or any sort of royalty. That meant she could create a monarchy, where she was the sole ruler. So she took a deep breath and announced-

“Bow before your new Mishtressh, Queen Twiworm!”

Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Spike respectively facehooved and faceclawed simultaneously.

“Oh dear,” Fluttershy and Rarity said in unison.

Pinkie clapped her hooves together happily and said, “She’s fun! Can we keep her like this?”

“NO!” Everypony and dragon present shouted forcefully.

“It was just a suggestion…” Pinkie said, shrinking back.

Twiworm's Laboratory

Applejack fell to her haunches, her head in her hooves. “Now why does Twi think she’s a worm!?”

“That’sh Queen Twiworm to you, knave!” Twilight shouted, wriggling furiously.

“I didn’t realize anything was wrong with her until now, to be honest…” Rarity said.

“How could you not realize anything was wrong with her!?” Rainbow Dash shouted at Rarity. “She full-on KISSED me!” she said, retching again at the thought of it.

Rarity looked taken aback by this. “Well, I certainly didn’t see that. I just thought she was in heat!”

Applejack said, “In heat!? Why wouldja think that!”

“Wormzh don’t go into heat.” Twilight said matter-of-factly.

“Sh’up, Twi-”

“Queen Twiworm!”

“Fine, Queen Twiworm,” Applejack said defeatedly. “Now why would you think she was in heat?”

“Well, her pupils were dilated and her body temperature was higher than normal. Also, her mood was elevated and the act of buying a dress could be seen as part of a mating ritual,” Fluttershy said, “that’s what you were going to say, right, Rarity?”

Rarity looked shocked at Fluttershy. “Um, yes. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Plus, she wasn’t engaging in any of the tomfoolery that you described. So, you see why I made that mistake?”

Applejack sighed. “Well, I guess if we hadn’t seen her in full Pinkie-”

“HEY!”

“-sorry, Pinks. Anyway, if we hadn’t seen her in full-on cuckoo mode, I guess any of us could have made the same mistake.”

“So what do we do now?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Well, I sent a letter to the Princess detailing the situation, and she replied back saying that she would be over as soon as court is done,” Spike said.

Applejack’s eyes widened at that. “After court? But that ain’t for…” she trailed off as she started counting in the air.

“An hour.” Rarity said flatly.

Applejack turned to Rarity. “How do you know that?”

“Well, the sun sets in two hours, and court usually ends an hour before.”

Applejack facehooved in frustration. “Ponyfeathers!”

“Ponyfeatherzh izh a funny word,” Twilight stated.

“And why does she keep slurrin’ her words?”

Fluttershy blushed. “Well, her pulse rate was so high that I may have injected her with some lorazepam…”

Pinkie nodded. “Makes sense.”

Applejack huffed. “Well, we ain’t gonna get anything done sittin’ around here,” she said as she stood up, “Dashie, you, Spike an’ me are gonna look for clues in her lab. Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Rarity, stay with Twi-”

“Queen Twiworm!”

“-Her royal highness, and make sure she don’t do nothin’ stupid! Dashie, Spike, c’mon!” She said as she made a beeline towards the laboratory, Dash and Spike following behind her. They entered the lab and closed the door behind them. Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Rarity stared at each other.

“So, what do we do now?” Pinkie asked.

“Your Queen would like you to feed her!” Twilight demanded.

“What do worms eat?” Rarity wondered aloud.

“Dirt. They eat dirt.” Fluttershy said.

“Well, we can’t very well shove a hoofful of dirt down her throat, now can we?”

Pinkie’s eyes flashed. “Or maybe we can!” She said, pulling out a bowl of pudding with cookies crumbled in it from...somewhere. “Bring me a spoon, STAT!”

Rarity rushed into the kitchen and emerged with a spoon held in her magic. Pinkie held out the bowl, letting Rarity grasp it in her glow. She then scooped out a spoonful of the dessert and said
“Open up, Queen Twiworm!” and gently guided the spoon into her open mouth, then pulled it back when Twilight had the dessert in her mouth.

“Mmmm! Thish dirt is good!” Twilight said with a faceful of pudding. “Queen Twiworm demandzh to know who made thish delectable confeczhion!”

Pinkie raised her hand. “It was me, Pinkie!”

“Well then, Pinkie, as Queen of the Wormzh, Queen Twiworm appoints you as head zhef!”

Pinkie clapped her hooves happily. “Yay! I got appointed to something!”

Rarity smacked Pinkie up the backside of her head. “She’s not actually a Queen, you know!”

“But she IS a Princess! And there’s no rules saying that what you say when you’re loco in the coco isn't binding!” Pinkie said, sticking out her tongue at Rarity.

Rarity huffed and turned her head away. “Well, I never!”

It was dark in Twilight’s lab. Too dark, the only light source coming from a makeshift torch Spike made from paper. All around were things that scared Applejack. Test tubes sitting neatly in a row filled with strange, mysterious multicolored liquids. Tubing crawling across the air with fluids shooting through them. Finally, Applejack came across something that grabbed her interest.

“Spike, bring that torch over here!”

“Sure, Applejack!”

The light highlighted something on the table that looked a mite like bad corn. Applejack picked it up and examined it carefully. Applejack then facehooved.

“Well, I think we found our problem. Ergot poisinin’-LAND SAKES, WHAT ARE YA DRINKIN!?”

Rainbow Dash turned her head, sipping out of a jar, looking like she had gotten her hoof caught in said jar...which she had, technically. “Water?”

Applejack stormed over to Rainbow Dash and smacked the jar out of her hooves. “Ya don’t know what’s in that! It coulda been caustic, or even explosive! Ya coulda drunk a bomb, fer all ya know!”

Rainbow shrugged. “Eh. It didn’t taste weird, so it’s good. Plus, I was thirsty!” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “I see you’ve found what you were looking for. Let’s head upstairs.”

Applejack nodded. “Let’s. Spike, come on!”

“OK!” The baby dragon said as he followed them upstairs.

Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy turned their heads as the lab door opened, revealing Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Spike entering triumphantly.

“Ah think we figured it out!” Applejack declared, “Ergot poisonin’!” Rainbow Dash and Spike nodded at that.

“Well, I better check just to make sure…” Fluttershy said as she approached Twilight. “Queen Twiworm?”

“Yesh?” Twilight responded. Applejack facehooved.

“I’m going to ask you some questions and I want you to respond to the best of your ability. Can you do that for me?”

“Ashk away!”

“Have you had any seizures recently?”

“No.” Twilight shifted uncomfortably.

“Have you had spasms of any type?”

“No.”

“Have you had any recent bouts of diarrhea?”

“Not that Queen Twiworm recallzh.”

“Have you had any sensations of burning or itching lately?”

“No.”

“How about headaches or nausea?”

“No.”

“Well, that’s strange,” Fluttershy said, crossing her forelegs.

“What is it, Shy?” Applejack asked.

“Well, except for the obvious symptoms of mania and psychosis, she doesn’t appear to be suffering from any of the effects of Ergotism.” Fluttershy said, rubbing her chin with a hoof.

Applejack facehooved. “Well, if not that, then what is it?”

Rainbow then said, “I feel kinda funny…” and dropped to the ground, a wide-eyed expression on her face, wings popped out. Everypony and dragon turned their heads in shock at the new development.

Spike quickly approached Rainbow Dash and waved a claw in front of her face. “She’s not responding.” Everypony gasped. Spike then noticed that Rainbow’s lips were moving ever so slightly. He leaned in to see if he could hear what she was saying.

“What is it, Spike? Didja find out what’s wrong with her?” Applejack asked.

“Nope. But she’s saying something. Everypony quiet down for a second.” The room was deathly still as Spike leaned in to hear what Rainbow Dash was saying. He then lifted up his head and said, “I found out what she’s saying.”

“What is it, Spike?” Applejack asked.

“Rainbows. Everything is Rainbows.” Spike said flatly.

Applejack facehooved. “Ponyfeathers!” I’m gonna develop a bruise from alla this...

Back to the Lab Again

“Now see, this is why ya don’t drink random jars of water in a lab!” Applejack yelled.

“Applejack, she can’t respond,” Spike said.

Applejack buried her face in her hooves again. “I know, I’m just so...so..frustrated!”

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Did you say a...jar of water incapacitated Rainbow Dash?”

“Yeah, she was drinkin’ from it when I smacked it out of her hooves…”

Rarity steeled herself. “Well, then we must go back in there and retrieve the jar!”

Applejack shook her head. “Nuh-uh. There ain’t no way no how I’m going back in there. It’s too dang creepy!”

Rarity stared at Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy expectantly.

“As Queen Twiworm’s head chef, I should really stay and feed her!” Pinkie offered, causing Applejack to facehoof again.

“I’m going to stay with the patient...if that’s alright…” Fluttershy said weakly.

Rarity huffed. “Well, if none of you have the guts to go back down there, then…” Rarity said, then gulped, “I suppose I’ll have to go down there myself! I will need some protection, though…”

Pinkie Pie pulled a hazmat suit out of...somewhere. “How’s this?”

Rarity’s eyes shined. “Oh, that’s perfect!” She slipped into the hazmat suit and headed downstairs.

Downstairs, Rarity was soon horrified by the state of the laboratory. Not the tubes, nor the glassware, but the DUST!

“Ooooh, it’s so dusty down here!” She shouted as she started dusting the area with her magic, coming across a jar on the floor with a puddle growing out of it.

“This must be what Rainbow Dash drank…” she said, scooping the liquid back into the jar and sealing it. She then got back to her dusting. She finished dusting the floor, and then started dusting the tables, when she came across the ergot. She then noticed a sheet of paper next to the ergot with some writing on it. She smiled and grabbed the paper, the jar, and headed upstairs.

Everypony and dragon turned to the door as Rarity emerged holding the jar and a piece of paper.

“What took ya so long, Rares?” Applejack asked.

“Oh, you wouldn’t believe how dusty it was down there!” She said as she wriggled her way out of the hazmat suit. “Oh, and I found the jar…”

“Well, that’s good and all, but what’s that piece of paper ya have there?”

“It appears to be a recipe of sorts...for a chemical called Lysergsäure-diethylamid.”

“What now?”

Rarity sighed. “I suppose we can call it LSD for short,” she said as she straightened the paper out in front of her. “It says here that you have to dissolve 20 grams of the alkaloid in 200 milliliters of 1 M methanolic KOH solution (this is made by dissolving 14 grams of KOH in 250 milliliters of dry methanol) in a 1 liter evaporation flask (heavy walled construction). Evaporate the methanol off. Add 400 milliliters of 8% aqueous KOH solution to the residue and boil for one hour under a slow stream of nitrogen that is allowed to flow through a small orifice for exhausting purposes...” Rarity stared at the paper in bemusement. “Well, none of this makes a lick of sense…”

“Of courshe is does,” Twilight said, “after that, there remainsh a shmall amount of lysherzhic acid in the filtrate solution. Remove it by bazhifying the sholution with shodium carbonate, and zhen bubbling CO2 through it. Filter it off and add it to the other lysherzhic acid. Now you will need to preshipitate the iso-lysherzhic acid out and convert it…”

Everypony and dragon present stared in awe as what was previously Queen Twiworm rattled off a perfect synthesis of the chemical in the jar, as far as they knew.

“Land o’Goshen…” Applejack said, “you mean to tell me that you made this ON PURPOSE!?” she shouted as she stomped towards Twilight and grabbed her by the scruff.

“Unhand Queen Twiworm this inshtant, ruffian!” Twilight shouted.

“Yeah, unhand the Queen!” Pinkie shouted.

Applejack turned towards Pinkie. “Yer takin’ this whole Queen Twiworm thing a mite too seriously, ya know that?” Pinkie shrugged. Applejack then turned towards Twilight, eyes slitted in anger. “What do you know about this...LSD?”

“Queen Twiworm knowsh nothing about it, she shwears! Back when she wazh just a pony, she had planned on doing some bashic teshting on it...but Queen Twiworm hazh no need anymore!”

Rage flashed in Applejack. She really wanted to smack Twilight as hard as she could. But no matter what hooey she was rambling on about, she was still her friend. So, she unceremoniously dropped her back on the couch.

“Please don’t ponyhandle Twilight around like that, she isn’t well-” Fluttershy started.

“Queen Twiworm!”

“Shut UP! All y’all!” Applejack roared, causing everypony and dragon to jump back. “Twi-”

“Queen Twiwor-”

“Sh’up with that! Anyways, YOU’RE the reason that Dashie’s gone catatonic!” she yelled as she pointed an accusing hoof at Twilight.

Twilight huffed. “Well, Rainbow Dash shouldn’t have been drinking unlabeled solutions in Twilight Sparkle’s laboratory…”

“You mean your lab.” Applejack said angrily.

“No, Twilight Sparkle wazh my larval form. Queen Twiworm izh what I am now!”

Applejack’s right eye twitched spasmodically, her entire body turning red while shivering. She then dropped to her knees and screamed. She screamed for the mess Twilight had gotten them into. She screamed for the mess Twilight had gotten herself into. She screamed for Rainbow Dash’s predicament. But most of all, she screamed to keep hold of the last vestige of sanity that questioned how the six of them always got into messes like this. Hey girls, take care of the dragon in the hills! Hey girls, trap the Lord of Chaos in stone! Hey girls, your best friend’s foalsitter was replaced by a changeling! Girls, bring peace to the Crystal Empire! Girls, save a tree!

Applejack started sobbing into her hooves. “I c-can’t take it anymore! W-why do WE have to put up w-with all this n-nonsense day in and day out? I j-just wanna be a normal pony w-who doesn’t have to d-deal with this...hogwash!” Fluttershy inched towards Applejack and threw a foreleg around her shoulder.

“I understand, Applejack. But we have to be brave for Twilight-”

“Queen Twiworm!” Twilight shouted

“-Queen Twiworm now.”

Applejack pulled her head out of her hooves, tears streaming down her face. “I kn-know, but who’s g-gonna be b-brave for me?”

Fluttershy pulled in Applejack and held her tight. “I will, Applejack.”

Applejack cried into Fluttershy’s shoulder. “Th-thank ya, sugarcube.”

A knock was heard from the door. Pinkie Pie leapt up and answered it, wanting to avoid the unpleasant scene. “Welcome to Golden Oaks-” and Pinkie stopped. “Princess Celestia!”

Princess Celestia smiled warmly at Pinkie, who bowed low. “Hello, Pinkie Pie. I believe Twilight Sparkle is having some trouble?”

“Queen Twiworm!” Twilight Sparkle shouted.

Celestia stepped in, raising an eyebrow, everypony and dragon except Dash and Twilight bowing in her presence. “Did she just call herself Queen Twiworm?”

“Yes” Rarity and Pinkie Pie said in unison.

“And why did she call herself that?”

“Long story.” Pinkie Pie and Rarity said at the same time.

“I see.” Celestia said, approaching the center of the room and sitting down. “Well, I think it would serve us well if you explained to me what happened.”

“Rainbows?” Rainbow Dash finally said in a reverent tone as she turned her head to lay her eyes on Celestia, tears flowing down her cheeks. Celestia stared bemusedly at Rainbow Dash.

“Did she just...pray rainbows at me?”

“Don’t ask.” Rarity and Pinkie said simultaneously.

Dash's Beautiful Twisted Rainbow Fantasy

Luna was tumbling through the æther, head over hooves. She was sailing past many, many dreams, but was unable to zero in on any single one.

Maybe I overdid it.

She gritted herself and focused on the first foal that came to mind, hoping that he was asleep. Quickly, her direction changed and she slammed into a sparsely decorated room, the dreamstuff wobbling as she landed. The colt in bed stared at her in awe.

“Princess Luna!”

Luna smiled. “Hello, Pipsqueak.”

The colt sat up, goggle-eyed. “Oh, I knew you’d come to visit me!”

Luna giggled. “So it seems.”

Pipsqueak said, “But why are you here? I’m not having a nightmare.”

Luna sighed. “Well, little Pipsqueak, it appears that I am...lost.”

Pipsqueak stared at Luna in shock. “How you could be lost? This is your world!”

“Well, I’m trying to find a silly pony named Rainbow Dash, and to even approach the dream, I had to become as silly as her.” Pipsqueak nodded. “But the silliness appears to have knocked me off course. Could you help me find the way?”

Pipsqueak nodded happily. He pointed in a direction. “First dream to the right, and straight on for thirty minutes!”

Luna nodded. “Thank you, Pipsqueak.”

“You’re still my favorite Princess!”

Luna smiled. “And you’re still my favorite colt.” She turned away to take off, then turned to ask, “By the way, why are you in bed so early?”

Pipsqueak frowned. “I’ve got the flu.”

Luna frowned. “Well, feel better, Pipsqueak.” She took off in the direction Pipsqueak gave her, finding the dream with little effort. She landed in the dream, which was entirely rainbows.

“How apropos,” she remarked, gazing in awe as the technicolor dreamscape around her. There were rainbow houses, rainbow roads, rainbow carts, rainbow ponies, rainbow clouds, and even a rainbow sky.

“I never realized how beautiful rainbows were,” Luna said as she gazed in wonder. She then realized that she was not there to look at the scenery. She had a pony to find. She deduced that due to Rainbow’s egotism, that she would be the only thing not made entirely out of rainbows. She scanned the sky, hoping to find Rainbow Dash, who appeared to be absent. She took to the air, examining the ground for cerulean. She spotted it in an approximation of Sweet Apples Acres where it was napping in a rainbow tree growing rainbow apples. She swooped down and nudged the cerulean body, which snapped awake.

“Wha?” she said, scrubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

Luna smirked, still hovering. “Of course you of all ponies would be asleep during a dream.”

Rainbow Dash stared at Luna. “I thought I was in heaven after Pinkie conked me in the head.”

Luna raised an eyebrow. “Whyever would you think that?”

Rainbow Dash stood up on the branch and wrapped a foreleg around Luna’s shoulder, gesturing across the vivid dreamscape. “ It’s just what I imagined it to be. Rainbows. Rainbows everywhere.”

“Well, surely my presence has caused you to reevaluate that assertion.”

Rainbow frowned at that. “Yeah, I guess so,” she said as she took to the skies, “Besides, I don’t really think Pinkie Pie would kill me.” Luna followed after Rainbow Dash, struggling to keep up with her. Why was she struggling to keep up with a pegasus?

“In here, I’m the fastest pony alive!” Rainbow Dash shouted, the rainbow wind whipping back her mane. Several other rainbow pegasi flanked her. “I’m also captain of the Wonderbolts!”

“Interesting,” Luna remarked. “Do you have any special somepony in here?”

Rainbow shook her head. “Nah, no time for love. In here, I just feel the need for speed!” she shouted as she took off, creating a Sonic Rainboom which reverberated across the dreamscape, Luna finally falling back. She shook her head and teleported to where Rainbow was.

“Rainbow Dash-” she got out before the pegasus zoomed past her. She shook her head and teleported again.

“I need-” she said before Rainbow passed her again. She frowned and teleported again.

“You to-” she managed before Dash shot past her. She grimaced. I need to find another approach. She then hit herself on the head. Of course! Stupid Luna!

She teleported directly into the flight path of Rainbow Dash, shouting, “Come with me!” before Rainbow Dash barreled into her at top speed, knocking the wind out of both of them and sending them careening straight into the ground in a pile. Rainbow Dash then kissed Luna.

“Huh?” Luna asked as her eyes widened open in shock. This dream has taken quite a strange turn.

“I...uh…think I’m a closet fillyfooler,” Rainbow Dash admitted, “I just didn’t realize it until Twilight kissed me earlier today. I made a big show of hating it in case anypony was watching it...but I think I kinda liked it. I got this weird feeling inside when she kissed me.”

“So why did you kiss me?” Luna asked.

“‘Cause I wanted to see what that feeling was again.”

Luna pushed Rainbow Dash off. “Look, Rainbow,” Luna said while standing up and dusting herself off, “you’re a nice mare and all, but please don’t get me involved in your sexual confusion.”

Rainbow Dash stared wide-eyed at Luna. “But-”

“No buts. Had this gone on any further in this place, it would have gotten quite unpleasant for me.”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean? It was just a kiss-”

“IT WAS NOT JUST A KISS!” Luna screamed in her Royal Canterlot Voice, blowing Rainbow Dash’s mane back. She then sighed and collected herself. “Sorry about that.”

Rainbow started tearing up. “What do you mean, it wasn’t just a kiss?”

Luna sighed. “Well, for one, you’re a terrible kisser.” Rainbow frowned at that. Luna winced. “Second of all, there was far too much emotion invested in that kiss. Normally, it wouldn’t be an issue, because all you would interact with are dream ponies, but I am not part of your dream.” Luna huffed. “Had that exchange continued, I would have been dragged into whatever perverted fantasy your mind would have come up with and I would be trapped in your dream for quite a while, especially in your delicate condition.”

Rainbow frowned. “But doesn’t dream time function differently than normal time?”

Luna shook her head. “Not for me it doesn’t. I sync in with whatever time flow is present and live every excruciating second. Now let’s go back, Rainbow Dash. Your friends are waiting for you.”

Rainbow Dash nodded and stood up. “Alright, I’m ready. I’ve had my fun. Besides, the rainbows are making me dizzy.”

Luna chuckled. “Very well, let’s-”

“And Luna? Can we keep this kiss between us?”

Luna nodded, “What happens in a dream stays in a dream. We’re going home.”

“Not if I have anything to say about it…”

Luna and Rainbow Dash looked around for the source of the voice.

“Oh, don’t bother looking for me…”

Luna could have sworn she had heard that voice before. She couldn’t quite put her hoof on it, though.

“I could be anywhere in this amazing chaotic wonderland…”

Luna then realized where she had heard that voice.

“Discord,” she hissed.

“How very astute of you, my little pony…”

“I am NOT your little pony!” Luna roared in her Royal Canterlot Voice.

Discord then popped into existence, towering incredibly high above the two ponies.

“I don’t know. From here, you look quite little to me…”

Luna gulped.

A Little Glass of Multiverse

“Well, well, well...what have we here?” Discord said malevolently.

“Nothing that concerns you, Discord!” Luna spat out.

“Oh, but my little Dashie here has the most chaotic minds I’ve seen in generations...and chaos is such a terrible thing to waste!” Discord then snapped his fingers, causing Rainbow Dash to disappear.

Luna looked shocked. “What have you done with her!?”

“Oh, nothing untoward, if that’s what you’re thinking…” Discord said as he wrapped around Luna like a boa constrictor. Luna teleported away.

“Return her before her mind is completely destroyed!”

Discord raised an eyebrow at that. “Why ask me when that is up to you?”

Luna said, “What do you mean, Discord?”

Discord laughed. “Well, you see, Rainbow Dash’s mind appeared to have snapped already. What you saw was but a shade of her fractured psyche.”

Luna’s eyes widened in horror.

Discord then giggled. “However, it’s snapped among the multiverse…It’s amazing she was able to stave off ego death for that long. She truly is the most arrogant mare in all of Equestria.”

“The multiverse? How is that even possible?”

Discord chuckled as he crossed his arms. “Every story is but a dream in the mind of its wordsmith, is it not?” he said while affecting a mischievous grin. Luna nodded uneasily at that, vaguely aware of the implications of what Discord was suggesting. “Now with your permission...I’d like to play a game…”

Luna steeled her gaze at the draconequus. “State your terms, Discord.”

Discord chortled while doing a loop-de-loop. “Guess which universe she’s from, and you can get your Dashie back!”

Luna nodded. “That shouldn’t be any trouble.”

Discord guffawed. “Oh, you have no idea how varied the multiverse is, my dear Loonie…” and Discord began to sing.

Was she as a young foal found
In a box sat upon the ground
By a hairless ape that sounds
So dreadfully masochistic?

“That doesn’t sound right…”

Or perhaps there was a situation
Among the various Equus nations
That led to a magic detonation
Whose scope was apocalyptic?

“Not that, either…”

Or maybe she cried out with much zeal
To her troops with much appeal
“Thunder and Lightning, Wings and Steel!”
And helped slay the puppet Titan?

Or maybe she’s known as Supermare
And stops crime in magic underwear
Where her gaze has such a burning stare
Which she uses while she’s fightin’?

Or maybe she’s tried to build
A giant robot, though unskilled
Where she’s almost gotten herself killed
By a rampaging Angel Bunny?

Or maybe under Daymare Sun
She’s a bandit on the run
Where she isn’t having any fun
And she’s got so little money?

“None of those sound familiar..”

Perhaps I should speak with clarity
When I present my next tip
For what I’m about to tell you, dear
has everything to do with ships

“Ships?

“Relationships, my dear Luna.” Discord said as he kissed Luna, her retching at the unwanted intrusion.

“Now for my Shipping reprieve!”

Rainbow shipped with Cheerilie
And then she turns out Harshwinny
Takes a stab at Fluttertree
And then she goes for Big Mac

Dashie lusts after sweet Pinkie
Then takes a turn with her Twily
And after that bangs out Shiny
And goes with Applejack

And then she goes for Flash Sentry
And then she turns out Rarity
And then Fleur de Lise and DJ-PON3
And then hits some of that Derpy
And then the Great and Powerful Trixie
And then Tavi, and even me!,
And CelestDash, Cadash, Lundash, SinkDASH!

“And just because I oughta…”

I must not forget the lovely lark
When Pinkie removes her wings and Cutie Mark
And then flows through her quite a spark
And she then proceeds to bake
An assortment of lovely cupcakes
Made from her internal organs!

“Definitely NOT any of those…” Luna said, retching at that last one.

Discord smirked. “Fine, then. Tell me the most important diverging point, and I’ll see if I can narrow it down.”

Luna shook her head. “Well, Twilight discovered the recipe for Lysergsäure-diethylamid in Starswirl the Bearded’s journal and Twilight and Rainbow Dash ingest some.”

Discord tapped his chin, musing for a second. “I think I’ve zeroed in on the dreamer...was it accidental?”

Luna nodded. “Yes, on both counts.”

“Is there an ancient evil named Sephiroth?”

Luna shook her head. “No.”

“Does the name Syko ring a bell?”

Luna looked uncertain. “I don’t recall anypony by that name.”

Discord looked up. “Does Shining Armor engage in carnal relations with Flash Sentry behind Cadance’s back?”

Luna looked shocked. “Most certainly not!”

“Does Angel Bunny try to steal cider with the help of the animals?”

“I’m not sure, but that rabbit’s a bastard in any universe.”

Discord nodded, then snapped his fingers. Rainbow Dash appeared, apparently unharmed. Luna nodded. “Thank you for keeping to your word, Discord.”

Discord smirked. “I wouldn’t be very reformed if I didn’t, now would I?”

Luna nodded, then took Dash under her wing. “See you on the outside, Discord.”

Discord waved as Luna blinked.

Celestia was worried. Luna usually didn’t have to dive in this long to pull a pony out. She had set the sun already, glad that tonight was a new moon.

Twilight looked up at Celestia. “Are they ok?”

Celestia shook her head. “I...don’t know, Twilight. Starswirl wasn’t down for this long before his mind was completely gone. We’ll just have to wait and see.”

As soon as she finished, Rainbow Dash opened her eyes, followed by Luna. Rainbow Dash sat up and scratched the back of her neck. “Hey, girls.”

“DASHIE!” Everypony except Applejack screamed as they rushed their now awake friend, wrapping her up in a big group hug.

“Ok...guys...can’t...breathe…” Dash choked out. They quickly pulled away. Applejack then approached Rainbow Dash. She looked her in the eyes, then slapped her across the face.

“OW! What the hay was that for!?”

Applejack started tearing up. “That was fer making me worried sick ‘bout you. DON’T you EVER do anything like that again!” Rainbow Dash blushed as Applejack suddenly hugged her. “I was so worried, Dashie…”

Rainbow Dash patted Applejack on the back. “Yeah, but we always get out of things like this ok in the end, so I wasn’t really worried. Plus, I had Luna to help me. Isn’t that right?”

Luna sat up and nodded. “Yes, she did. Although I couldn’t have saved her if it weren’t for Discord,” she muttered under her breath.

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Discord?” she whispered.

“I’ll tell you later.” Celestia nodded.

Twilight then walked up to Applejack and prodded her on the shoulder. “Applejack?”

Applejack disengaged Rainbow Dash and turned to Twilight. “Yessum?”

Twilight looked down. “Well, Applejack, I’m...sorry for what I put you through.”

Applejack smirked. “No need fer that. Like Dashie said, this is just another day fer us.”

Twilight shook her head. “It wasn’t for you. That scream you belted out...I could taste the sorrow and smell the utter despair.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Scuse me?”

Twilight shook her head again. “I didn’t expect you to understand...what I’m trying to say is...that you almost broke because of events I unwittingly set in motion, although a certain mare whose name I need not mention really shouldn’t drink out of unlabeled containers in my lab.”

Applejack chuckled. “Ya sure ya don’t mean yer larval form’s lab.” Twilight blushed.

“Look, I was really messed up when I said that stuff…”

“You seemed quite serious to me, with all that talk about your return being prophesied by the creepy-crawlies beneath the earth…” Celestia joined in with a chortle. Twilight turned a delightful shade of russet at that.

“Can I still be your head chef?” Pinkie asked.

Twilight shook her head. “If I recall correctly, you’re Queen Twiworm’s head chef...and seeing as how that pony isn’t here anymore, I guess you’re out of luck.”

Pinkie looked sad. “Awwww…”

Rarity said, “Well, now that this tomfoolery is done with, I suggest we never speak of it again.”

“What do you mean...Nightmare Rarity?” Fluttershy of all ponies joked, which shocked everypony, “The real nightmare was that paisley mauve dress you made for Twilight!”

Everypony laughed at that.

Rarity looked flustered. “I made that to the customer’s exact specifications! I feel no shame in a job well done!” She said before looking at what Twilight was wearing, shuddering at the sight of it. “Ok, maybe a little shame.”

Celestia giggled at that. “Well, as invigorating as this all was, I’m glad it’s all over. Come on, Luna, let’s return home.”

Luna nodded and stood next to her sister. “Let’s.” With that, they teleported out of the library.

Rainbow Dash then said, “Remember a while back when we found all of our pets in Pinkie’s basement?”

Everypony stared at Rainbow Dash liked she had grown an extra head.

“No, can’t say I do…” Applejack said.

Pinkie tapped her chin with her hoof. “I’d say I’d remember something like that.”

Rainbow stared at Pinkie and Applejack. “I swear that happened recently…”

“Maybe the LSD is still affecting your brain…” Fluttershy said.

Rainbow Dash looked flustered. “If you say so. But I remember it clear as day…”

“There’s just one thing I don’t understand about all of this…” Twilight said, “is how I was under the effects when the synthesis wasn’t even done.”

Applejack cut in with, “Well, another problem, another day!” and rushed out, everypony following.

“Hmmph.” Twilight mused as she headed towards her room.

“Hehehe…”

Twilight snapped her head around, sure that she had heard laughing. “Spike?” She saw nopony or nodragon behind her, though. She then sighed and walked up to her room.

Sensing the coast was clear, Discord snapped into view in the library.

“Well, that was a most entertaining story, if I do say so myself!” Discord said gleefully. “I wonder what’s in store for our little ponies next!” and snapped out.

Three Days Later

Twilight was deep in her laboratory, performing an extraction on some ergot she had taken from Applejack’s corn fields. She remembered the look on the orange mare’s face when she had asked for it, happily giving it away while stumped on why she would want bad corn. Oh, if only she knew. Twilight then looked up. If only I knew.

She had combed through Starswirl the Bearded’s journal after her alicornification and stumbled upon a recipe - no, a chemical formula. She had remembered to tear it out before returning the journal. Now here she was, dissolving alkaloids and basifying solutions, wanting to find out why Starswirl had this compound in his journal.

Finally, she was on the last steps. Ethanol, 4 N KOH, and time. She sat down, her hair frazzled, her eyes bloodshot. How long had she been down here? There were no windows in her basement laboratory, so she sealed the compound in vacuo and walked upstairs. Her legs felt creaky, her joints popping from disuse. She opened the door and shielded her eyes from the burning rays of sunshine which pierced her vision.

“Spike?” She called out hoarsely.

“What?” Spike called out.

“What time is it?”

“It’s three o’clock,” to which Twilight let out a sigh of relief, “on Friday.”

Twilight’s eyes shot open as she bit her hoof. Friday!? But it was Tuesday when I went in!

“What did I miss?”

A baby dragon walked out of the kitchen, holding a plate with a daisy sandwich on top of it. “Well, three days worth of meals, for one. Along with cleaning, organizing, and pretty much all of your library duties.” Spike smirked. “It’s not like anypony uses the library except you, though.”

Twilight ran over to Spike and picked him up. “I’m so sorry I left you alone for three days! I promise I’ll never do it again!”

Spike twisted out of Twilight’s grasp. “What WERE you doing down there, anyway?”

Twilight smiled. “Just some chemistry. I found a new chemical in Starswirl the Bearded’s journal and I just HAD to synthesize it! He called it Lysergsäure-diethylamid.”

“What does it do?”

Twilight frowned. “I’m not really sure. He didn’t leave any notes on it, just the chemical and a synth process. I think it’s dangerous.”

Spike raised an eyebrow. “Dangerous? Like explosive?”

Twilight shook her head. “No, it’s not explosive or inflammatory in any way. I think it might be caustic, though.”

“Why?”

“Because the process used quite a bit of acidic compounds.” Twilight shook her head again, sitting down as she picked up the daisy sandwich with her magic and took a bite. “I won’t really know until I’ve done more tests with it.”

She finished her daisy sandwich and sat back, thinking about sleep. Funnily enough, though, she wasn’t sleepy. In fact, she felt kind of...good. Not good as in being a good filly good, but just all is right in the world good. This worried Twilight, because when she felt good like that, something was desperately wrong. She meditated on this for a few more minutes, looking around. Eventually what started as a thought analyzing what could be so bad about good turned into noticing the moving shapes of the grains of wood that made up the library.

“Hey, Spike?”

“Yes, Twi?”

“Does the wood always flow so...smoothly?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Go ask Applejack if you want to know about that.”

Twilight perked up. “Ok!” and she skipped out of the library towards Applejack’s house. Spike looked in awe at the normally not-skipping alicorn.

He faceclawed. “This can’t be good…”

Applejack was tuning her banjo when she saw Twilight…skipping towards her? She put her banjo to the side and leered down the path that led to the house. Yep, that was Twilight, and she definitely was skipping. Twilight soon came up to her. She had her creepy smile on. Applejack shuddered.

“Uh, hey, Twi...what’s gotten ya in such a good mood?”

Twilight said, “Well, I was in my house watching the grains of wood move, and Spike said you might know something about that, but now I have this sudden urge to hear you play your banjo!”

Applejack glared at Twilight. This was not Twilight. But still, if’n she wanted to hear some of her banjo, who was she to deny her the sweet pleasure of down-home country music?

Applejack smiled uneasily as she picked up her banjo. “Alright, anything for a friend.” Twilight nodded forcefully, causing Applejack some unease. She strummed a few notes, then started playing in earnest. She then began to sing:

Oh, give me a home where the Buffalo roam
Where the Deer and the Antelope play;
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word,
And the sky is not cloudy all day.

A home! A home! On the range
Where the Deer and the Antelope play,
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word,
And the sky is not clouded all day.

Oh! give me a land where the bright diamond sand
Throws its light from the glittering streams,
Where glideth along the graceful white swan,
Like the maid in her heavenly dreams.

A home! A home! On the range
Where the Deer and the Antelope play,
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word,
And the sky is not clouded all day.

Oh! give me a gale of the Celestia vale,
Where the life streams with buoyancy flow;
On the banks of the Beaver, where seldom if ever,
Any poisonous herbage doth grow.

A home! A home! On the range
Where the Deer and the Antelope play,
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word,
And the sky is not clouded all day.

Applejack let her banjo down to great applause from Twilight, still wearing her creepy smile. Applejack cringed at that.

“That was great, Applejack! In fact, it was heavenly! I could feel the music touch my being!”

Applejack raised an eyebrow at that. “Uh, yeah, thank ya kindly,”

“MORE!”

“Well, ah don’t know if there is anymore!”

Twilight’s smile softened at that. “Why not?”

“‘Cause those’re all tha words ah learned!”

“Oh.” Twilight said defeatedly, her face turning into a frown. Tears started appearing in her eyes.

Applejack smarted at that. “Well...uh...uh...why don’t ya try sommea our cider! I’m sure that’ll lift yer spirits!”

Twilight smiled again, Applejack dismayed to see that it was the creepy smile again.

“Ooooh, I love your cider! Lemme get some!”

Applejack sighed, then went inside. She came back out with a mug of cider. “Here ya go, sugarcube. Drink up.” Twilight greedily telekinetically grabbed the cider from Applejack’s hooves and thirstily drank it up, Applejack raising an eyebrow at this. This was not the Twilight she knew. “So, how was it?”

Twilight eyes widened. “Ooooh, it was great! It was like the apples were massaging my taste buds with their love and sharing it with me!”

Not the Twilight she knew.

Applejack held up a hoof to Twilight’s head, noticing it was warm. “Ya sure yer all right there, sugarcube? Ya seem ta be runnin’ a bit of a fever.”

Twilight shook her head. “Never felt better!” and took off into the sky, which was a very strange sight indeed. Twilight didn’t usually fly like that. Applejack took her hat off and held it to her barrel.

Something’s wrong with that mare.

The Specialist

“Well, at least she’s speakin’ again.” Applejack said, sniffling.

“Again?” Celestia asked. “Why wasn’t she speaking before?”

Applejack sniffled again. “Well, she drank some water in Twilight’s-”

“Queen Twiworm!”

Applejack gritted her teeth and sighed. “-Queen Twiworm’s lab, an’ it turned out ta be LSD.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “LSD?”

“It’s somethin’ unpronounceable-”

“Lysergsäure-diethylamid.” Rarity said. “I swear, it’s like you’ve never picked up a book in your life!”

“Well most of that books I read don’t have German nonsense words in them!” Applejack shouted, suddenly noticing that Celestia was stifling a giggle. “Pardon me, Princess, but this ain’t no laughing matter!”

Celestia quieted herself. “Sorry, Applejack. It just reminds me of Starswirl.”

“Starswirl?” Everypony and dragon except for Twilight and Rainbow Dash asked.

“Yes. You see, Lysergsäure-diethylamid is a chemical that Starswirl devised to assist him with his magic. He claimed that he could see the leylines of reality with it.” Celestia sighed. “Sadly, it made him distant, paranoid, and increasingly incoherent. As a result, he didn’t have many friends. I suspect that Queen Twiworm might have accidentally ingested some.”

“Lies!” Twilight shouted.

“Tell me, what do you remember about Twilight Sparkle?”

“Only that she was a fool! The rise of Queen Twiworm was prophesied long before the time of Nightmare Moon the Vile, Discord the Random, or Sombra the Cruel! It was spread by the creepy-crawlies that hid in the ground, far from pony society! The legend goes that a pony will rejoin their ranks and lead them to glorious victory!” She announced while wriggling.

Celestia rested her forehead on her hoof. “As entertaining as this is, I’ve had enough of this nonsense.” She cast a spell on Twilight, who suddenly stopped wriggling.

A purple glow slowly encased the bound form of Twilight as the ropes burst. She looked upon herself and grimaced. “Rarity, why did you let me wear this?”

“You insisted quite forcefully, if you recall,” Rarity said. Twilight blushed at that.

“Sorry, Rarity. And I’m sorry to you, too, Fluttershy, for getting angry with you when you were just trying to help me. Rainbow Dash-”

“Hey, what about me!?” Pinkie shouted.

“I don’t recall offending you.”

“YOU BROKE MY CEILING!”

Twilight blushed. “I...don’t remember that. I was bouncing around happily one minute, and then the next minute I decided that I was...Queen Twiworm…” she said with a hint of disgust. She then sighed. “Rainbow Dash, I’m sorry for kissing you. I know how you get when that sort of thing comes up, and I just wasn’t myself.”

Rainbow turned her head to Twilight. “Rainbows?” she said softly. Twilight furrowed her brow.

“What happened to Dashie?”

Applejack scratched the back of her head. “Well, ya see...she kinda took your LSD and drank it.”

Twilight’s eyes widened in shock. “How much?”

Rarity held up the jar, Twilight noticing that Rainbow Dash only drank half of it’s contents.

“Is that bad, Princess Celestia?” Twilight asked.

Celestia shook her head. “ I don’t know.The dosages for Lysergsäure-diethylamid are measured in micrograms. How full was that jar?”

“That’s about half of what was in it.” Celestia’s eyes widened in shock.

“Oh god.” Celestia said.

Twilight looked confused. “What’s a god?”

“Oh god, oh god, oh god…” Celestia kept muttering, not hearing Twilight. She cast a spell on Rainbow Dash.

“Rainbows?” Dash replied.

“Oh god, oh god, oh god…” Celestia cast another spell on Dash.

“Rainbows!” Dash exclaimed, rolling around on the floor, her tongue lolling out of her mouth.

“Oh god, the amount of Lysergsäure-diethylamid is overpowering my magic!” Everypony and dragon gasped in shock at that.

“But how does a chemical...overpower magic?” Twilight asked.

“It doesn’t matter, we need to pull her out of her mind before it destroys itself like Starswirl’s did!”

“An’ how do ya plan on pullin’ that off?” Applejack asked.

Celestia seemed to ignore them as she rushed to Twilight’s desk, grasped a quill pen with her magic, dipped it in an inkwell, and hurriedly scrawled something on a piece of paper, sending it with her magic.

“There, at least we have a chance now.” Celestia said.

“Who did you send that letter to?” Fluttershy asked. Suddenly, a midnight blue alicorn popped into the middle of the room, shunting Pinkie and Rarity out of the way violently.

Princess Luna smiled and asked, “Your call?”

Celestia nodded. “Yes. We have a situation.”

Luna raised an eyebrow. “Whatever do you need me for, dear sister?”

Celestia sighed. “Rainbow Dash has ingested what possibly might be 600 milligrams of Lysergsäure-diethylamid.”

Luna stared at Rainbow Dash.

“Rainbows?” Dash said.

“Hmmm. At least she’s still talking. Anywho, what do you need me for?” Luna asked.

“We need you to pull Rainbow Dash out of whatever hellhole her mind has created for her!” Celestia said.

Twilight raised her hoof. “What’s a hellhole?”

“A very bad place, Twilight.”

Luna smirked. “I don’t know, she seems to be quite pleased with the situation.”

“LUNA!”

Luna sighed. “All right. But I can’t just enter her mind. She has to be asleep first.”

“I could help with-” Fluttershy started when Pinkie pulled a giant wooden mallet out of...somewhere and whacked Rainbow Dash in the head with it, whose eyes rolled into the back of her head before snapping shut.

“PINKIE!” Everypony and dragon except Luna shouted.

“Hmmph. I thought it was quite effective.” Luna said as she smiled. She then closed her eyes. Her eyes were shaking violently under her eyelids. She exhaled and concentrated. Everypony was staring at Luna as sweat started dripping down her forehead, pooling on her muzzle. Finally, she opened her eyes and huffed. “I can’t do it.”

“What do ya mean, ya can’t do it?” Applejack yelled. “You’re the gosh-danged Princess of the Night!”

Luna sighed. “Her mind is simply too chaotic for me to enter. In order for me to enter, my mind would have to be chaotic as hers.”

Everypony stared at each other. Celestia then said, “Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”

Luna nodded. “Yes. Twilight, you’re going to have to inject me with the Lysergsäure-diethylamid.”

Twilight nodded and rushed into her lab, coming up with a syringe. Luna looked upon the needle and laughed heartily.

“What?” Twilight asked.

“You’re going to need a much bigger needle than that, my little pony.”

Twilight frowned. “A bigger needle?”

“Did I stutter?”

Twilight shook her head. “N-no!” and rushed back downstairs, coming out with a syringe whose barrel was the size of her foreleg, the needle as long as her hoof.

Applejack’s eyes widened in shock. “What in the hay you have that fer!?”

“Dragons.”

“When were you planning on injectin’ dragons?”

“Never know.”

Luna smiled. “Well, let the process begin!”

Twilight unscrewed the needle off of the barrel and dipped it into the LSD, drawing all of it out. She then screwed the needle back on and pointed it towards Luna.

“You sure about this, Luna?”

“Are you questioning the words of a Diarch?”

Twilight shook her head and jammed the needle into Luna’s thigh, causing Luna to hiss. She then depressed the plunger, watching all of the liquid enter Luna’s muscle. Luna’s pupils dilated severely.

“Oh, my.” Luna said. She then plopped onto her back, her eyes furiously twitching.

“Is she...all right?” Rarity asked.

Celestia smirked. “No need to worry. My sister has an indomitable will!”

Rarity pondered aloud, “But what about that whole Nightmare Moon thing? Wouldn’t that testify to it being...less than indomitable?

Celestia frowned and facehooved. “Don’t. Just...don’t. We don’t need that kind of negativity right now...Nightmare Rarity.”

Rarity blushed.