Chapters The soft warmth of Celestia's sun crested the horizon as the animals started to rouse from their slumber. The squirrels in the trees chittered away as they searched the ground for acorns to hoard away. The birds chirped throughout the skies. The wind washed gently across the pastoral fields.
It was another beautiful morning in Ponyville, with a sky so clear, every color of the rainbow could be seen slowly flowing through its expanse. Such serene moments were not uncommon in the village. Twilight Sparkle had only been living there for a few scant years before attaining princesshood, and she'd somehow attracted more than her fair share of disasters to the town since starting to live there. Regardless, the calm mornings were always a blessing, and she was overjoyed to see such a serene morning once more. "Well, I'd better wake up Spike, " she thought to herself, prancing downstairs gleefully.
Spike was passed out over a pile of books. He'd opted to stay up late the previous night to do some research. Upon further inspection, his chosen reading material included "Dating Ponies for Scaly Dummies" and "1001 Neat Things to Do with Marshmallows." Twilight smiled and shook her head knowingly. "Okay, Casanova. It's time to get up," she said.
Or, at least, that's what she tried to say. "Spospay, spbababoba! Ibibe bu beb ub!" was all that came out.
As Spike opened his eyes, he was greeted with an anxious-looking Twilight with a swollen tongue and a puddle of drool dripping profusely from her jaw, causing him to yelp and leap backwards in surprise. "Twilight! What happened to you?!"
"I boe doe!" Twilight said, spewing saliva everywhere.
Spike was utterly drenched in pony spit. "Eugh...I don't think it's a good idea for you to say anything for a while, Twilight." He gingerly stepped over to his bed and wiped himself off with his blanket. "Note to self: use extra detergent when I do the laundry."
Twilight was already pulling books off her shelves, frantically scanning them for any mention of the affliction. She pored through book after book while dancing in place anxiously, throwing them into random piles behind her as she finished with them.
Spike decided to take the opportunity to examine the situation in detail. "Hey, Twilight, can you stop moving for a second and let me look at your mouth? If we're gonna fix this, we need to figure out what's going on."
Twilight stopped dancing and looked at Spike, her eyes pleading with him to come up with an explanation. She opened her mouth as wide as she could, but her massively swollen tongue prevented Spike from seeing much else. He leaned forward and peered inside her mouth. "Well, nothing too out of the ordinary, besides your breath," he commented, eliciting a glare from Twilight. "Uh...heh, but your tongue is really big right now, which is, um, probably why you can't talk without spraying everywhere?" he added sheepishly.
Twilight moaned and started to say something, but stopped herself when Spike recoiled. She sighed and reached for a quill with her magic, writing out a note on a scrap of parchment and handing it to him. "We have to fix this quickly, Spike," he read aloud from the note.
Before Spike could respond, the door to the library burst open. Applebloom barged in, sweating and panting. "Wow, you must have run here all the way from Sweet Apple Acres!" Spike mused. "What's going on?"
"Twahlight! Ya gotta help me! Mah sister! She can't talk!"
Spike and Twilight exchanged glances, then nodded to Applebloom. "We'll head over right away!" Spike said, as Twilight hastily assembled a saddlebag with some books.
The Apple Family was in disarray. Granny Smith had recently gotten on a road trip kick, and she was traveling the Equestrian countryside with her old friends. That left the farm in the care of Applejack and Big Macintosh, neither of whom could concentrate on chores with Applejack unable to communicate.
Upon their arrival, Spike and Twilight immediately noticed that Applejack's tongue was indeed swollen. Whatever was going on was affecting more than just Twilight, and they needed to put a stop to it quickly. "Bowong hab be-" Twilight began, before remembering she couldn't articulate any better than Applejack could.
Spike took this as his cue. "Was she like this when you woke up?"
Big Mac, already a stallion of few words, turned to Spike and merely uttered, "Eeyup."
"Great," Spike muttered under his breath. "I'm dealing with a distressed filly, two tongue-tied mares, and the strong silent type." He turned to Applebloom. "Is this the only thing you've noticed wrong with Applejack?"
"Um, yeah. But that's not the only thing Ah wanted to say! Ah went to school this mornin', and Miss Cheerilee couldn't talk, neither!"
Twilight's eyes widened, and she brought her hoof to her chin. If that's three ponies with the same affliction, that's a pattern, she thought. But what is it...? Applejack, Cheerilee, me...Big Mac and Applebloom are fine...Oh, no.
Twilight's ears flattened and her pupils shrank. Spike knew better than anypony that this was never a good sign. "What is it, Twilight? Did you figure something out?"
Twilight opened her mouth to say something, but thought better of it. Instead, she pointed her forehoof at Applejack and back to herself, nodding her head. Then she pointed at Big Mac and Applebloom, shaking her head.
The others stared at her motions, confused. "Applejack and Twilight yes, Big Mac and Applebloom no? Is that it?" Spike ventured.
Twilight shook her head, groaning in frustration. Then she realized that Spike had packed in his dating books along with the others in Twilight's saddlebag. She pulled one out with a coquettish mare on the cover, pointing at the cover, then to herself and Applejack. Concluding her little game of charades, she pointed at her swollen tongue, flopping it a bit for emphasis.
Applebloom stared at the cover, face contorted in a contemplative scowl. "Yer sayin' that this is somethin' that only affects mares like y'all?"
Twilight's vigorous nodding gave them all a moment of relief for figuring it out. Before long, however, Spike's expression turned to one of utter consternation. "If this affects mares...then that means...I'M COMING FOR YA, RARITY!"
Twilight tried to stop the hysterical dragon, but her commanding tone was lost to her without the use of her mouth, and Spike ran off towards the Carousel Boutique in a blind panic, screaming at the top of his lungs.
Hoping to relieve the tension, Big Mac offered his commentary. "Eenope."
Author's Note
And now for something completely different.
Yeah, I don't know. I had a weird-ass idea in my head and started to run with it. I don't know where I'm going with this, or when the next chapter would be.
"Rarity! I'm here! Are you there?! Speak to me!" Spike wailed, pounding on the doors to the Carousel Boutique.
He heard the door unlatch from the other side. The seconds seemed to stretch into hours as Spike fretted over the condition of his precious Rarity. The door started to move. Spike gritted his teeth anxiously, impatiently. Finally, the bottom half of the front door swung-
Wait a minute, Spike thought. Rarity would have to open the door fully. That must mean...
"Spike! It's a good thing you came! Something's wrong with Rarity!" squeaked the mulberry-maned filly within.
"Sweetie Belle? What are you doing here?! Where's Rarity?!"
"Um, well, that's the thing. Mom and Dad dropped me off here to spend the day with Rarity, and I was cooking her favorite breakfast: French toast and syrup with juice. I only singed the juice lightly this time!" she squealed with a proud grin plastered on her face. "But when she came down to eat, she couldn't even fit the food in her mouth. Her tongue is really, really big now!"
Spike mentally praised the gods that Rarity had not choked down any more of Sweetie Belle's cooking; her juice had probably taken years off the mare's life already. "Actually, that was the reason I came over. Twilight and Applejack also have swollen tongues, and Applebloom said Cheerilee can't talk, either. Twilight seems to have figured out something's going on that's affecting only the mares in Ponyville. Hey, wait a minute," Spike said, scratching his chin suspiciously. "Shouldn't you have known about Cheerilee as well? Why'd you only mention Rarity?"
"H-hey! Are you implying I was going to skip school?!" Sweetie shot back indignantly, glaring at the cheeky dragon. "I was a little freaked out by my sister's condition! And if you knew about that to begin with, why were you pleading outside our door for her to say something?! That's a little insensitive, don'tcha think?"
Spike opened his mouth to say something, but his words failed him. Finally, he issued forth a resigned sigh. "Yeah, you're right. That was kinda dumb of me. Sorry, Sweetie Belle. Where is she, though? We need to get her together with Twilight and the others so we can figure this out."
"Uh, well, you know my sister," Sweetie said, chuckling nervously. "Rarity hasn't left her room in a couple of hours, and the floor outside her room's getting kind of slippery. I think it's a safe bet she won't be coming out for a while."
Spike's features hardened, and he marched forth with grim resolve. "Someone's gotta get Rarity to come out, and it looks like it's gotta be me."
"Wow, you were right, Twahlight! The whole town's gone crazy!"
Applebloom had elected to travel with Twilight and Applejack so that they'd have somepony around who could talk, with Big Mac staying behind to get some chores done. The extra helping hoof, however, did not amount to much. All around, there were mares panicking and drooling. The earth ponies that normally tended to Ponyville's lush gardens could not hold their gardening implements in their mouths. Even the mayor, who could normally be counted on to help restore order in times of chaos, was rendered mute and useless.
With the arrival of Princess Twilight, who had solved so many of their problems previously, all eyes were on the group as they trekked through the town square. Twilight tried to steel her resolve, but the burden of uncertainty weighed heavily on her. She didn't even know where to begin looking for answers.
After a few minutes of awkward silence punctuated by the occasional stallion trying unsuccessfully to verbally reassure his family, Twilight, Applejack, and Applebloom arrived at Sugarcube Corner. Before they could knock on the door, a pink blur charged out of the entrance, causing Twilight to fly up several feet in surprise. Without missing a beat, Pinkie Pie began spewing gibberish and spraying slobber everywhere in a frantic, disjointed spiel that nopony could make hide nor hair of. After a few seconds, Applejack simply doffed her hat and plugged the pink mare's mouth, stemming the tide.
Pinkie was absolutely distraught. Being unable to talk shackled her normally exuberant personality and served to feed all of her latent anxieties. How could she possibly tell everypony about all the cool parties she had planned? How would she tell all of those fun jokes she heard about the rubber chicken crossing the town square? Who would talk to Gummy?! Her eyes darted in their sockets as her mind zipped from scenario to scenario.
Applejack pointed to her tongue and then to Twilight's, indicating that they were having the same problem. She then motioned for the group to move inside. Twilight and Applebloom sidled in as Applejack grunted and shoved Pinkie through the opening.
Inside, Mr. Cake was busy consoling his anxious wife while balancing two trays of cinnamon rolls on his head and giving Pound and Pumpkin a ponyback ride. The sweet shop was otherwise absolutely deserted, an unusual situation in a town with so many sweet-toothed ponies. The group walked up to one of the empty tables, awkwardly acknowledging Mr. Cake, whose expression lay somewhere between distress and exhaustion.
Twilight dumped her saddlebag full of books onto the table and began reading through them. The others, unsure what contribution to make, merely observed. Applebloom, however, eager to help, started sifting through the books and found a familiar-looking tome labeled Supernaturals: Natural Remedies and Cure-Alls that are Simply Super . It was at this point that the little filly remembered the first time they'd met Zecora. "Hey! Ah think Ah have an idea of what to do!"
Applejack and Pinkie turned to listen, but Twilight was too absorbed in her study session. Applebloom shrugged and continued. "Remember when y'all walked through the Poison Joke and had all that funny stuff happen to ya?" The ponies nodded gingerly in response. "Well, wasn't it you that had that weird thing happen where your tongue got really big, Pinkie? Ah remember you couldn't say anything, and you were spittin' on everything every time ya tried! This seems a lot like that, except Ah don't see any o'those blue spots on yer tongues. Maybe Zecora knows somethin'. We should ask her!"
Suddenly intrigued, Twilight looked up. Applebloom was right that the situation did seem similar, but would Zecora really know any better than the rest of them? She sighed, figuring it was worth a shot. Nodding affirmatively to each of the others, she led them out of Sugarcube Corner towards Fluttershy's cottage, situated before the most accessible entrance to the Everfree Forest. If they were going to see Zecora, she reasoned, they'd do well to pick up Fluttershy on the way.
Rarity's tear ducts had long since dried up, yet she was still wailing profusely. Spike gingerly stepped around the puddles formed by the mare's hysterics and rubbed her shoulder. The distressed fashionista promptly grabbed him and squeezed him tight, eliciting conflicting thoughts from the young dragon. On the one claw, the mare of his dreams was clutching him close like some kind of comfort object. If he could provide that stability for her, he'd gladly do so. On the other claw, Spike was having trouble breathing. Despite doing mostly delicate dresswork, Rarity was a lot stronger than she looked, and the poor dragon felt like he was going to snap.
"R-Rarity! It's gonna be okay! I'm-I'm here!" Spike managed to get out between gasps for air.
Her grip softened at the sound of his voice, and she started sniffling and whimpering. "Boe, Bibey-Bibey! Byou're thuch a thweetie."
Spike's face was now covered in slobber yet again, a feeling with which he was becoming uncomfortably familiar.
Author's Note
what am I doing anymore
The Quest to Quell Quietude
Rainbow Dash was the coolest pony in Ponyville. There was little question that she was one of the fastest, strongest, and all-around most athletic ponies in Equestria, and she'd be a clear shoo-in for the Wonderbolts. When she wasn't doing odd jobs for the weather crews, she followed a haphazard schedule of practicing aerobatics and squeezing in power naps. There was no force in Equestria, however, that could stop the pegasus from basking in the glow of celebrity. Any time she had the attention of other ponies, Rainbow Dash was right there hamming it up. Nopony could possibly resist her natural charm.
Except, for some reason, her mouth was stuck shut, denying her the chance she so craved to toot her own horn. This is a disaster! she thought. How am I supposed to show off how awesome I am if my tongue's stuck like this-?!
As she finished her internal monologue, Rainbow Dash absently crashed headlong into a tree. She chastised herself mentally for not paying attention to where she was flying, then disentangled herself from the various leaves and branches. Alighting herself on the ground, she looked around frantically, hoping nopony had seen her gaffe.
"Hey, Rainbow Dash!" came a tomboyish squeal from behind her.
Rainbow Dash's ears flattened to her head and her cheeks flushed red. Not only had somepony seen her, but it was her biggest fan. The one pony she'd never want to let down. Turning around served to confirm her fears: the orange pegasus filly was staring right at her, huge grin smeared across her face. If nothing else, Rainbow Dash had to commend the kid's brushing habits. Her teeth were positively gleaming.
Rainbow Dash started doing her ritual showoff poses for Scootaloo, trying very hard to cover her swollen tongue with her hooves. She flew up a little ways and did a few barrel rolls and loop-de-loops before landing next to Scootaloo, but she couldn't stop herself from spraying spit everywhere while flying. The soaked filly gagged, then turned to the awkwardly grinning pegasus, eyebrow cocked in confusion. "Um, Rainbow Dash? What's wrong with your mouth?" She lifted her hooves and groaned as she inspected them. "Ugh, I feel like I'm covered in tree sap all over again."
Rainbow Dash smiled awkwardly at Scootaloo, though with her tongue hanging out of her mouth, it looked more like a raspberry. "Um...okay. Well, if you don't wanna hang out-"
The cyan pegasus flailed her hooves frantically, mumbling something incoherent. Scootaloo was more than a little creeped out by how Dash was acting. "A-are you okay, Rainbow Dash?"
Rainbow Dash sighed in resignation. She pointed at her tongue, then shook her head vigorously and shrugged. Scootaloo furrowed her brow and started backpedaling slowly. "You're scaring me, Rainbow Dash! Why aren't you saying anything?!"
"Because her tongue's swollen her mouth shut, ya dummy!"
"Hey! Who's callin' me a dummy?!" Scootaloo shot back indignantly.
Behind Rainbow Dash, Applebloom and Twilight trotted up to the duo, followed by Applejack and Pinkie Pie. "Ah am. What're you gettin' so worked up about? She just can't talk, that's all. None o'the others can, neither!" She pointed at Twilight and the others, all of whom were visibly annoyed that the foals were doing their talking for them.
"Well, how was I supposed to know that?!" Scootaloo said, glaring at Applebloom.
"Because you were supposed to be at school this mornin'. Ah told you, ya can't keep cuttin' classes and expect to get good grades!"
"Augh, first Sweetie Belle with her dictionary routine and now you with your goody-four-horseshoes fluff! I told you, school is boring ."
Before Applebloom could respond, Applejack and Twilight stepped between the two, dissuading them from continuing their argument. Applebloom sighed. "Look, Ah'm sorry, Scoots. None of the mares in Ponyville can talk. We're on our way to see Zecora to see if she has any ideas."
"Hm. Well, then, count me in! You're coming too, right, Rainbow Dash?"
The pegasus flexed her muscles and flashed a cocksure grin, drooling on the ground.
"So, what should we do, Spike?" the younger marshmallow sister inquired.
Spike had managed to coax Rarity out of her bedroom, but the mare was still sniffling occasionally. Spike's presence was keeping her generally stable, but the only way they were going to get her to calm down completely is if they figured out how to cure her bizarre condition.
"Twilight already tore through some books this morning and couldn't really find any answers. I think the only one around here who knows stuff that Twilight doesn't is Zecora. Maybe we should head over to see her."
"Okay. I think we should all go, since the Everfree Forest is a little scary by yourself," Sweetie Belle said.
Spike was in no position to disagree. As happy as it made him that he could help Rarity calm down, he was beginning to regret ditching Twilight to rush over to the Carousel Boutique. Spike may have been Twilight's Number One Assistant, but without her, he felt no better than a lost little dragon. "Well, we'd better get going. The sooner we get there, the sooner this will be all over with," he said, motioning for the others to follow.
"Are you sure you're not forgetting something? Or, should I say, someone ?" came an all-too-familiar voice from behind the trio.
Sweetie Belle jumped back in surprise. "D-did my juice just talk?! I swear I didn't do that on purpose!"
The two were unable to catch Rarity as she fainted into a puddle of her own drool.
Author's Note
I don't know about this chapter. What do you guys think?
