Discord is a Fanboy

If you want to get technical, this is totally Celestia's fault. 'Let's reform Discord!' 'Oh, he'll be happier with more freedom! Let's give him magic mirror privileges!'

I mean, to be fair, it seemed like a perfectly logical, safe idea.Going through the magic mirror took away all of his powers, and (most importantly) got him away from us for a while. There was no downside! Not thaty we could see.

Of course, that was just the problem. My inconclusive research led me to believe it was perfectly safe. I mean, the scariest thing there was the threat of being unpopular.

But, in usual Discord fashion, the draconequus could take a perfectly harmless, normal thing and turn it into a major disaster.

It all started at Fluttershy's 'Welcome Home, Discord!' tea party picnic...

~~~~~

"I just don't see what all the fuss is about," Discord complained.

"About what?" Rainbow asked.

"Hands. Fingers. They aren't so interesting..." he scoffed snootily.

"Maybe that's 'cause you've already got some," Applejack reminded him dryly, looking at Discord's eagle claw gently grasping a teacup.

"Yes. Thank you, Applejack," he replied sarcastically. "I'm just trying to say that there were other things there at least worth mentioning."

"Oh, yes!" Rarity exclaimed. "Twilight's told me quite a bit about the clothing there! Pretty interesting and bold, don't you think?"

"Not to mention the parties!" Pinkie pumped her hoof. "Twilight said they have parties with contests to determine a new Princess!"

I pursed my lips. "Actually... that's not what I said at all."

"Oh, I can top that!" Fluttershy jumped in. "What about the animal shelters and zoos? Huge places where they keep all kinds of animals!"

I narrowed my eyebrows. "What do you call this?" I asked, pointing to the adjacent room stuffed to the gills with rowdy critters.

"But you said they have dragons! I don't have dragons... not even a little one..."

"N-no! You guys are just making things up! I never said that! That's--"

"Well, what about the sports, huh?" Rainbow threw in. "I hear they fight bloody battles for supremacy every day!"

I stared at her for a moment. "No."

Discord chuckled. "You're all forgetting something..."

"Umm... the food?"

"The internet?"

"Cell phones?"

He laughed harder. "No! Isn't it obvious?"

"No!" we yelled in unison.

"Television! Netflix! Video on Demand! Pay-per-view!" He exclaimed, throwing his forelimbs in the air and chuckling wildly.

"Uh... what now?" Applejack wondered.

His jaw dropped. "You mean Twilight didn't tell you?"

"I don't... I don't know what you're talking about. I've never even heard those words." I said.

His jaw fell further. "Well! Something must be done! How about you all come with me on my next sojourn to Earth?" he suggested.

"Oh! I couldn't do that!" Fluttershy said. "I couldn't possibly risk being stuck on Earth! My poor animals..."

"Yeah..." Rainbow agreed, flexing her wings. "The Equestria games are coming up. In thirty moons, they'll be long over."

"That's right, Discord. We all have important things to do here in Equestria," I summed up.

"Hm..." he stroked his beard, carefully considering his next move.

"I don't see what's so special. I don't even know what it is!" Applejack commented, throwing her hooves in the air.

"It's..." Discord struggled for the right words. "It's this box. Shallow, but very wide and tall. The humans put them up on the wall,  and then they can just touch a button on it to turn it on. Once it's on, they have access to all different stories, told in moving pictures with other humans doing entertaining stunts and saying funny things."

"You mean... like one of those public service thingies? You know, the ones with the crackly voices and all the little slides?" Pinkie guessed.

"No... no, it was so much more exciting than that." He tugged on his ear. "There must be some way to show you ponies..." His lion paw picked at his eyebrow hairs.

Was he really thinking this hard about being nice to us? Did he even realize what he was doing?

"Oh, I give up!" He pounded his fist on the table.

"Discord..." Fluttershy said firmly.

"Sorry, Fluttershy."

She smiled proudly.

Discord ate a saucer.

Fluttershy said nothing.

"You know..." Discord mused, nibbling away the edge of a teacup. "Maybe there is a way... I could do it myself! It could be a sort of a game! Yes, I could change things! Make them better!"

"Oh, no..." I muttered, sinking down into my chair.

Discord rose, hovering just above the table, mischief in his eyes. "I need some paper."

"Sure!" Fluttershy smiled sweetly and innocently. "In the den."

"Forget that." He snapped, a yellow legal pad and quill appearing in the air before him. He wrote feverishly for a second or two, then threw it at me. "Spell check, please. I need some accessories!"

I opened my mouth to protest, but Discord had already flashed out of existence.

My gaze wandered to the paper.

1. Follow instructions

2. Must complete story

3.I get to change anything I want, whenever I want.

1. I'll have a 'focus group' stationed in an invisible room, watching your every move.

2. Dangers are real: you can get hurt, but you can't die.

3. If a character must be killed, they will simply be removed from the scene and placed in the 'focus group room.'

When I looked up, Discord had returned and was now standing proudly at the center of the table. He was wearing a beret, obnoxious shades, and holding a megaphone.

He switched the device on, feedback squealing.

"You ponies ready to be stars?"