Several Weeks Earlier
"OH COCK!" Jeremy's screams echoed about the Top Gear Technology Centre.
"What is it this time?" queried Hammond, currently attempting to attach a cushion to a plastic garden chair with some duct tape. As he looked over to view his screaming friend's predicament, he saw that Jeremy's jumper was burning around the bottom, and several hammers and a lit welding torch lay discarded around the work area. He grabbed the nearest of many fire extinguishers and proceeded to quench the flames that were blackening the panicking man's already terrible shirt.
“Oh cock”, Jeremy repeated, looking down at the charred remains of the lower half of his shirt and at the reddened skin of his gut, “I liked that shirt.” Jeremy walked back to his area to continue making a newer, sleeker body for the new Hammerhead, which, unbeknownst to the other two, he had already christened Geoffrey in honour of their first attempt at an electric car, Geoff. He had even sourced a fake moustache that was much larger that Geoff’s, but he was saving that for the big reveal later on. He had to get down to streamlining the body, making sure that the doors fit properly, adding a small vent to Hammond’s plastic head-box and taking care of the problem of the overly shiny body with a dash of paint. Speaking of which, where had that can of special paint he had mixed gotten off to? While all of this was happening James May was sitting at a work table, organising his spanners. Once he had done that he went over to the remains of the drive system and set about adding support for the solar cells to go on the roof, adding some more light-weight batteries and attaching another milk float motor so that by having a motor for each rear wheel, Geoffrey would be much faster than its predecessors and have a longer battery life, things which The Orang-utan Clarkson had gladly agreed to, remembering the many traffic jams and awkward situations that the previous models of Top Gear Electric Car Technology had caused.
Weeks later
“Here we go gentlemen! The Hammerhead Eagle i-Thrust Mk2 :- Geoffrey!” shouted Clarkson over the clatter of the large door opening to reveal the visage of the very slightly less boxy car that trundled out of the Technology Centre. The plywood doors were replaced with metal ones that actually fit, the front end was something that resembled curved, as was Hammond’s head-box, the front bumper was still a pipe, but the springs had been replaced, and the entire car was painted the most horrific shade of mauve known to man. There was also a moustache that was around a metre wide and curved so low it scraped the ground when the entire car lurched forwards as Jeremy applied the ‘new and improved’ brakes that he had somehow found.
“Oh my” was the only utterance that managed to pass Hammond and May’s lips before Clarkson bounded out like some kind of hyperactive puppy.
“So, what do you think!” he practically shouted at the others, leering like a deranged madman.
“Well, it’s certainly…” began May.
“Erm, I think the word is different, mate” finished Hammond.
Today
“And here it is!” boomed Clarkson, gesturing madly at the now neon orange monstrosity that lurched through the crowd, before finally jolting to a halt at the podium and ejecting the Stig, who promptly walked right out the way the car had come in. “Now you know what this means, don’t you chaps?” leered Jeremy.
“Live trials?” questioned Richard.
“Oh yes” replied Jeremy.
Eventually
Geoffrey took his place on the end of the runway, next to a G-Wiz, a Prius and a bloke from the office on a bike. Suddenly there was a massive tremor, and everyone looked around worriedly, wondering what was happening.
Meanwhile, in Ponyville
“PRINCESS, ARE YOU SURE THIS NEW TELEPORT SPELL IS WORKING!” screamed Twilight Sparkle over the screaming of magical energies that were currently attempting to transport the massive amount of random, and heavy, junk surrounding them. “This should have been so simple,” reflected Twilight, “just figure out a simple spell by Starswirl the Bearded to teleport large amounts of things at the same time, then notify Princess Celestia so she can have a go. But no, things couldn’t be that simple and easy, could they.” Suddenly there was a massive tremor, and the air began to crack.
“AAARRGHHHHHHH!” screamed everyone in unison, and something similar echoed through the mind of everypony for miles around, as the ground trembled and the air cracked and the magic screamed. Suddenly there was a flash and an explosion and everything stopped.
“Twilight, are you okay?!” called Princess Celestia.
“Fine!” came the strained reply from beyond the dust. As the clouds of dust and grime dissipated, everyone could see that the junk piles had become merely grey dust piles on the floor.
“Whoa” came Rainbow Dash’s voice from beyond the dust and by the door, “What happened here? Is everypony OK?” Before Twilight began to even think of what to say, Princess Celestia was already there, disarming Rainbow’s worries with a calm smile.
“Everything is alright, my little pony, we are just fine.”
Rainbow’s reply came as a shock to all, and was somehow quicker than that Celestia had given.
“Well then why is that wall all……wibbly like that?” Twilight and the Princess looked over to where Rainbow Dash was pointing, and the wall was indeed rippling and wobbling like some kind of hyperactive jelly had replaced it.
Back at the track
“So it’s a portal, to an unknown location, harboured by a chunk of runway thrown up by a mysterious earthquake, and they want to completely mess with the TV schedule of BBC 2 for the next few days to get an idiotically long Top Gear live special out of it?” asked Jeremy. May was the first to reply.
“Yes. Apparently the government are still fighting to take it off of BBC hands, so they’re sending the filming crew with us to make a special of it. They said to call it part earning an idiotically massive bonus, part becoming the biggest celebrity ever, and part Geoffrey’s road test. Or crash test, as the case may be. Didn’t you read the hastily typed and error filled memo?”
“Oh” came the only reply.
“Well, into the car you two,” called Hammond, as he deftly climbed into the central seat and stuck his head into his box, thankful that he had applied the cushions to the seats, along with some better seatbelts. The other two got in, fear and trepidation in the air.
“Well, tally ho!” cried May as the two car procession lurched into the unknown. Quite anticlimactically, Jeremy chose that exact moment to activate his Genesis mix-tape that he had saved for any long journeys.
“Oh cooooooooooooocccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk……………………….!” was the last thing heard as Geoffrey practically raced into the unknown, tumbling through the currents of interdimensional space.
Ponyville
“………….oooooooooooocccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!” screamed the portal. The Elements of Harmony prepared to defend the waiting Princesses, Royal Guardsponies and the rest of Equestria from whatever screaming horrors would emerge from the mysterious portal attached to the side of the unfortunate tree. The last thing they expected was for the mauve monstrosity that barrelled out of the portal, straight for the rather alarmed ponies standing directly in its way. It swerved around them, much to their relief, but the feelings of relief quickly turned to those of horror as they realized that it was still heading directly for Ponyville at top speed. As they turned to give chase, the portal screamed once again, and a second boxy form launched out of the portal, once more swerving around the group and following the mauve form directly to Ponyville.
May brought Geoffrey to a lurching halt in a small side street in the mysterious quaint village they had rolled into. They flagged down the passing camera car, and regrouped at the surprising large intersection of two alleyways.
“So, anyone any idea where in the hell we are!?” bawled Clarkson.
“Those multi-coloured things at the entrance looked like really short horses” piped Hammond, earning a mixture of confused and angry glares from everyone.
“What, they kinda do look like tiny little horses, like some kind of living kids show.” “Yeah, are you OK?” responded May, “who knows what could have happened to us in there. We seem to be in some sort of village with a love of bright pastel coloured houses and thatch.”
“Well let’s get to testing Geoffrey then!” shouted Jeremy
“Really, Jeremy?” came the exhausted response from Hammond. Suddenly a shadow passed overhead, and the crunching of a thatch roof was heard from a nearby building. Everyone looked up with trepidation and saw that a grey pegasus had landed on the roof of one of the buildings surrounding them, and most curiously of all, was wearing shining golden armour.
“Chaps?” uttered May.
“Y-yes…?” stuttered Clarkson and Hammond in unison.
“Is that an armoured pegasus I see before me?”
Swift Wing was considered relatively brave, even for a highly ranked Royal Guardspony, but even he was startled by the mysterious creatures that had emerged from the thingon the side of the tree and almost injured the Princess and the Elements of Harmony and then raced off to who knows where to do who knows what. Faced with the sudden attention and the startling fact that these things down on the ground could speak perfect Equestrian, he did the first thing that came to mind. First, he made the ground creatures even more surprised that he was by confidently stating
“Yes, yes I am”, before arming his most malevolent smile, floating up to just above the roofline, and bellowing “I’VE FOUND THEM!!” at the top of his voice.
Mere seconds after most of their concepts of reality had been disarmed by the screaming armoured pegasus, the entire crossroad (crossalley?), Top Gear and all, was engulfed in golden light, and a large, alabaster coated, winged unicorn with a mysteriously wavy mane appeared.
“Hello,” (she?) said, with a smile that could frighten anything into a quivering puddle, “I believe some introductions are in order.” And with that simple statement and a flash of light, they disappeared.
