Behind a Sunny Face

by Tayman

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 12304

How does one deal with infinite, inevitable loss?

"There's no such thing as a purely happy memory of a lost pony; it will always be laced with a longing that shall never be fulfilled."

Princess Celestia is never seen without a kind, warm smile on her face. Yet, she's over a thousand years old...just over two thousand, to be exact. As an eternal, all powerful ruler, Celestia shows Twilight a secret room and prepares her to deal with inevitable loss. Afterall, as a powerful unicorn, Twilight will also outlive many ponies. She also shares many scenes from her life, to show her faithful pupil exactly what it's like to be her. But why, exactly?

(If you enjoy, please thumbs up and give some brief comments! I'm always looking to improve my writing :) Thanks!)

Published 2012-03-23 12:34:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-05 06:59:15 UTC

Chapter 1

Behind a Sunny Face

"Spike, wake up!" It was barely the crack of down, the library illuminated by the dull orange glow of the rising sun. She gave Spike a couple nudges with her muzzle. "Come on! You need to learn to get up earlier so you can attack the day and get things done quicker!"

"Twilight! It's barely the crack of dawn! Leave me alone, I have my entire life to get up early and be productive." Spike tugged his light blue blanket tightly around his body and turned away from Twilight's nudging.

She sighed, and was about to open her mouth to lecture Spike, before he suddenly rolled over onto his back, cheeks puffing out, before a familiar jet of green flames erupted from his mouth, briefly filling the room with the acrid stench of smoke, and a letter scroll materialized with a small POP sound.

Twilight immediately grabbed the scroll with her magic. "A letter from the princess this early? Oh no! Did something horrible happen? Am I in trouble? Have I slacked off in my studies?" She panicked aloud, causing Spike to scoff and roll his eyes. "I'm sure everything is fine, just read it!"

"You're right. Sorry." She took a couple deep breaths to gather her thoughts, opened the letter, and began to read aloud:

My faithful student Twilight Sparkle:

I request your presence in my private study as soon as possible. There is something I wish to speak with you about. Please come alone.

-Princess Celestia

The letter hung open, the magical hum droning on as Twilight pondered, beginning to sweat lightly, her breathing becoming more shallow and rapid.. She had never received such a letter before, nor had the princess ever spoken to her in such vague language. She was almost always clear with her. Twilight frantically ran through her head, trying to think of something, anything that could warrant such a letter out of the blue like this: Equestria crises, Ponyville problems, perhaps something she had written in an earlier letter that had rubbed the princess the wrong way, but nothing came to mind.

"Helloooo? Twilight?" Spike waved up at Twilight, who was just standing there, gazing at the letter. "Are you okay? I'm sure everything is fine. She's the ruler of Equestria, what kind of problems could she have?"

"I have no idea..." Twilight muttered to herself. "If it was an Equestria problem, she would have told me directly. It's not like her letter could fall into the wrong hands. This has to be something else. Something she only wants me to know. I just have no idea what it could be." She sighed, but at the same time her heart was racing. "I'm leaving right away though, Spike. I should be able to catch the 7 AM train. You're lucky this time. You can sleep in as long as you want. Just PLEASE try to be a LITTLE responsible while I'm gone?" She said, before trotting out the door.

"Yep! Sure thing!" Spike said, before hopping back in his basket as soon as the door had shut and immediately began to snore loudly.

Meanwhile, a short distance away at the station Twilight had already purchased a ticket and was sitting on sitting on one of the passenger cars, waiting for the train to depart. Luckily not many ponies took the train this early, so she had both seats to herself. She sat next to the window, staring out as the doors shut, and the luscious rolling Ponyville hills started to pass by, illuminated by the glow of the rising sun. Twilight smiled to herself. Spike could sleep in, but Celestia had to get up and do this every single day...

For over a thousand years...

It was odd. Twilight Had never thought about it before, but Celestia had tremendous responsibility. Yet, she always was so jovial and approachable. She felt like she could talk with the princess about anything.

But had she really taken advantage of this comfort? Thinking back, Twilight could not recall one personal conversation they had shared before. She knew Celestia purely as a a mentor, but not in depth as a pony.

Twilight felt her body shift back as the train began its ascent up the mountainside towards Canterlot, and her shallow panting resumed, heart pounding in her ears. She didn't know the princess, and she had no idea what she was going to tell her. She couldn't comprehend just how important it might be. She tried not to think about it for the last leg of the trip, but nothing could distract her from the thought. It was just too silent in the car, nothing but the rattling of the train. As the trip reached its final minutes, she was nearly sweating.

Alright Twilight, get ahold of yourself... she thought to herself. Be rational. Everything is going to be fine. You've known Celestia for almost ten years. Nothing is wrong. She took a deep breath as the train pulled into the station, eyes widening at the gorgeous, sparkling grand city of Canterlot that was spread out before her, the numerous spires glistening in the sun, illuminating the lush green hills and golden brick path that led straight to the castle in the heart of the city. She marveled at the sight, taking a couple deep breaths, before managing a smile as she stepped out of the train, trotting down into Canterlot. It was later in the morning, and there were a fair amount of ponies in the street. As she passed the various boutiques and cafes lined up on either side of her, she tried not to pay attention to to the Canterlot elite ponies who were giving her snobbish looks, presumably for not wearing formal attire. She blushed a bit, trying to keep her head down as she approached the castle, which shone so brightly she had to squint. The walls were pure white, and numerous towers extended into the sky. There were no gates, only two royal pegasi guards in front of the door, standing perfectly still with wings folded against their golden armor. They were staring straight ahead, and only looked down at Twilight when she was about a foot in front of them..

"Ah, hello Miss Sparkle! Long time no see. How's Ponyville treating you?" one asked with a smile.

"Oh, it's going great! I'm learning a lot, and I've met a lot of great ponies." Twilight beamed. "But I'm afraid I can't stay and chat. The princess said she wanted to see me as soon as possible."

"Of course. She's waiting for you inside" the two guards stepped aside, and Twilight walked through the large heavy wooden doors, which the guards promptly shut behind her.

"Hello, Twilight Sparkle! That was fast, I sent that letter not two hours ago!" Princess Celestia was standing directly in front of Twilight, not ten feet from the door She beamed down at Twilight, who had stopped abruptly as soon as she entered.

"Princess Celestia!" Twilight exclaimed, and began to lean forward to bow quickly in front of her, but she suddenly found herself completely restricted, her body surrounded by the warm yellow glow of Celestia's magic.

"Please, Twilight. Do not bow." she said flatly. Twilight looked up at her, not sure what to say, but as soon as Celestia let go, she immediately resumed her upright position. Twilight noticed that there was something a bit off about the Princess's smile. It seemed forced, not the genuine, warm face she was used to seeing.

"Oh...my apologies, then." Twilight said, her stomach knotting up tightly inside her. Something was wrong. Something out of the ordinary. Not an Equestria disaster, or anything of that sort...something else. And once again, she couldn't imagine what it could be; at that moment, she wished she knew the princess more personally.

"Walk with me. I want to show you something. " Celestia stated as she turned left into one of the many corridors that branched out from the throne room. Their hooves echoed loudly as they walked on the hard, polished marble floor. The hall was fairly narrow, room for only perhaps five ponies walking side by side at once. Sunlight sparkled in through through ceiling high windows that lined the left side of the hall, the right side lined with doors. Twilight could look out over one of the branching streets of Canterlot far down below. The solar princess paid no attention, however, and kept looking straight ahead, no sign of emotion on her face.

"I've run the Canterlot University for over a thousand years now, Twilight. Although you are one of the best students I've ever had, you are not the first, nor will you be the last." She said as they turned right into Celestia's study. Twilight never ceased to be surprised at how small this room was, just a couple modestly sized bookshelves on one wall, a desk with parchment and other supplies on the opposite wall, and a fireplace straight ahead. Celestia stood on the center of the carpet and gazed up at the sun crest that was painted on the wall above. She raised her horn, and from it shot a brilliant beam of pure white light directly into the crest. Twilight had to squint and shield her eyes as the symbol shone almost as brightly as the real thing. Suddenly, the entire back wall rumbled and descended into the ground; Celestia's light was replaced by genuine sunshine as this new room was revealed. Twilight's jaw was dropped in awe as she followed the princess inside. Could this be some sort of hidden library?

No, there wasn't a book to be found in here, although Twilight had to look in every direction to verify this. While the study was rather small and cozy, this hexagonal room was at least twice as wide and stretched all the way to the ceiling, where light streamed in from a large window, illuminating dozens of tiny alcoves...or was it hundreds? Twilight could not count them all; they stretched as high as the window, each one containing a small photo frame. They were all caked in dust, which disappeared with a simple wave of Celestia's horn, leaving the pictures sparkling in the light Some displayed a single pony, others groups of friends, and others still with ponies standing with the princess. All were beaming widely in the photos. Except for Celestia, who only had a kind and gentle smile.. A recess ahead contained a photo of Twilight and her friends. She walked forward, gazing at the frame. They were all posed there together, the widest smiles on their faces, eyes displaying pure joy. Everything was perfect; in the picture's universe, friendship and happiness lasted forever.

"These are all the friends you've ever had." Twilight breathed. "They all seem so happy."

But that couldn't have lasted forever.

She stood there, head hung down in deep thought. It wasn't something she had thought about before. To her, death was a foreign concept, a chore to be put off until the last minute. She was still fairly young, just over twenty, and with luck she would live at least ten times that long. She still had countless days of fun to spend with her friends. At their age, it felt like they would live forever and never have to embrace death's snatching grip.

But one day...we'll just be memories in this room.

Twilight dropped down, lying on the soft sun carpet spread out across the center of the room. Her head drooped down, horn touching the ground. "All these pictures and memories...do they make you happy?" She asked.

Celestia sighed, and shook her head. "Not fully, Twilight. They are bittersweet. They bring a smile to my face, but not a joyous grin. Memories are fickle things. Part of the joy in creating them is the anticipation of new ones with the same ponies. While they are still alive, there's no reason to lament past experiences, because you can look forward to future ones. Look at you. Hopefully you and your friends spend at least a hundred more years together. While you are united, your memories will be shared and reveled in, collected and flipped through like a photo album. But when friends pass away..." Celestia sighed. "I can only attempt to bask in those memories, but at the same time I know I will never share joy with those friends again. And with more ponies gone than are here now by my side...it can be hard to enjoy any old memory. They all blend together, creating a damp canopy of sadness that only allows the faintest light though. There's no such thing as a purely happy memory of a lost pony. It will always be tainted with a longing that shall never be fulfilled."

Twilight stared blankly down at the rug below. Celestia's words echoed in her head, but at her age, she could not comprehend them. She did not know a single pony who had died. The Princess had known thousands. At least.

"I used to take seven students under my wing here at the University. Every five years they would go off on their own to advance their studies, and seven new unicorns would come in. They all received my full care and attention, and became good friends for life." The Princess stated.

"But now, I'm the only one studying under you directly. And I've been here for over ten years. There are other instructors, but I'm the only one with you." Twilight spoke slowly.

Celestia nodded. "I think you can figure out why I made such a change." She said grimly. "The years...they tick by. It only gets worse with age. Tell me: how old do you think I am?"

"I..." Twilight was at a loss for words. It seemed like it should be such basic knowledge for her, but she had no idea. She knew it had to be at least a thousand, but exactly how much more, she couldn't be sure. She had never thought to ask before.

The Princess smiled. "I'll be turning two thousand thirty two years old in a couple months."

"Two thousand thirty two." Twilight whispered. A hundred times older than I am. "Princess...are you..." she gulped, the word a tight bulge in her mouth. "Immortal?"

It was strange. The purple unicorn had never given too much thought about Celestia's age, even though it was an extremely large number. She was so kind, so caring, so beautiful, that her age didn't seem to matter. But Twilight was beginning to see that there was something darker behind those bright, loving eyes.

Another heavy sigh left Celestia as she laid down next to her faithful student. "I'm almost positive. Unicorns live longer the more powerful their magic is, and mine is more concentrated than every unicorn in history put together. I've haven't aged in centuries."

Twilight looked up, glancing around at the picture frames once again. There were ponies of all shape, blue ponies, red ponies, black ponies, purple ponies, of every conceivable style. But Celestia...she towered over them, her horn sharp as a needle, three times as long as any other unicorn horn. Her coat was snow white, wings majestic and sparkling, each one as big as one of her pupils. The vibrant sun crest on her flank glowing prominently in each picture. Over how long were these pictures taken? At least a thousand years. Probably longer. Camera magic was one of the first to be developed; a two day old photo looks the same as a two hundred year old one.

"I can't-I won't even begin to imagine what it's like. I mean, it feels like the next two hundred years are going to last forever...but to be two thousand? With years ticking by like seconds? And...outliving everypony you meet..."

"Twilight...you'll outlive a lot of ponies you meet too." Celestia said grimly. "You're a powerful unicorn, the most powerful one I have ever seen in terms of raw power. You may live to be three hundred, four hundred years old."

Four Hundred years old?

Imagine seeing my friends age. Applejack, no longer able to run Sweet Apple Acres, her true life's passion.

Pinkie Pie, not able to hop everywhere she goes, or talk nearly as much. Sapped of her infinite energy.

Rainbow Dash, barely having the strength to flap from place to place, let alone bolt through the clouds.

Rarity, no longer looking fabulous in an old, decaying body. She'll last longer than the others, but her magic is nowhere close to mine.

Fluttershy, not able to keep up with her animal friends that she adores so much.

And I will have to watch it all, while my body barely changes a hundred years afterwards.

Not to mention most of the other ponies I'll meet over the next century...if they aren't unicorns...they'll most likely pass before me.

Twilight glanced up at her mentor. Her demeanor was so calm, so regal. It seemed that nothing in Equestria could ever disturb her.

And Celestia has to go through this with every single pony she'll ever meet?

She dropped her head down, burying it between her legs, and began to sob quietly. A heavy weight pressed down on her chest, her mind fogged over with the thickest, darkest clouds the pegasi could ever create. She lost all control of her grip on reality; all that existed was a future where all her friends were gone, leaving Twilight alone in an unfamiliar, dark world.

"Oh, Twilight...I'm so sorry...I just wanted to help you understand. I need somepony to understand. Somepony normal." Celestia choked out, sniffing a couple times before she bent down to nuzzle her snout against Twilight's flank, extending a wing and wrapping it around her body. "Please...will you share some memories with me? I promise, I will make it better. I can tell you how to handle it. If I can be happy, so can you."

Twilight pulled her head out from her front legs, her face heavy and soaked from tears, and stared up at her mentor. Her words cut through the clouds fogging her mind, her calm smile bursting through like a ray of sunshine. At that moment, she knew everything would be fine.

"Of course, Princess. I know you're only trying to help me. I'll have to deal with this someday too."

"Thank you, Twilight." She stood up and bowed to her pupil. "These memories are too much to endure alone sometimes."

As Celestia lifted her head, she brought her horn up and placed it directly onto Twilight's. The room disappeared, and for a moment the two were standing in pure darkness, before light exploded from a single point. When it faded, Twilight was standing in a hospital room. An elderly unicorn was lying in a bed, her coat a pastel shade of purple, mane nearly completely white. Her breathing was shallow and rapid. Over her stood Princess Celestia, her mane not billowing out behind her, but barely fluttering about, like a flag in light wind. She was smiling brightly down at the old unicorn, but tears were shimmering down her face.

"Dazzle...you were such a wonderful student. You were so full of life and passion...it only seems like yesterday that you were sitting beside me at the induction ceremony, eager to begin your studies. You had your whole life in front of you." She almost lost control at that moment, a couple muffled sobs escaping. "Your magic...it was a wonderful thing. You brought joy to so many lives, and you were always there by my side. You always knew how to make me feel like a pony instead of a princess. I could talk with you...laugh with you...but now..." Celestia choked, dropping her head, letting her tears splash on the tile below. "Where did the time go?" She whispered.

"Celestia...please don't, Don't make me cry, I don't have the strength for it..." Dazzle said quietly, turning her head and smiling up at her old teacher. "I'm just so glad...I could make you happy" she panted. "...I was so blessed to have you as a mentor and a friend. You taught me so much, not only magic, but so much else. To smile...to laugh...to make the most of every opportunity that came my way and to never give up. I don't have a single regret from the last 250 years." She closed her eyes. "Don't worry...you'll always have our memories...and you'll always have more students to make you smile." And with that, her body went still.

"Oh...Dazzle..." Celestia cried out, beginning to weep uncontrollably, her sobs echoing in Twilight's ears. I'll have plenty of wonderful students...but none of them will be like you. And none of them will be able to remain at side for all of eternity... Twilight tried to tune out the awful sobs, but Celestia's thoughts rang loudly in her mind, and for an instant the young unicorn felt everything the Princess was feeling, a singularity of sorrow that reduced her to tears as well. She felt Celestia's loss as her own, a hopeless, desolate feeling.

Another bright light flashed, washing away the hospital room, immediately replaced by another, the scene exactly the same except for the pony in the bed. Celestia was again sobbing as she proclaimed her pride in her student, the words always similar but just as sincere. Flash. Flash. Flash. Twilight lost student, after student, after student, the crushing sorrow piling up like thick layers of mud, pressing harder and harder down on her psyche. Flash. Now Twilight was standing in the Canterlot cemetery over a freshly dug grave; Celestia was levitating a limp and lifeless pony over a coffin-"

STOP! OH CELESTIA, MAKE IT STOP! Twilight cried out, crumbling into a ball and burying her face into her flank as she wept. There was nothing else; only sadness, flooding into her mind from a broken dam. No other thought could enter her head; nothing from the present that might break through the bleak sensation.

"Twilight...I'm so sorry to put you through all that..." They were back in Celestia's memory room, the purple unicorn still curled up and quivering the carpet. No smile graced the Princess's face, nor any tears.

Twilight poked her head out of her ball, before slowly getting up on all fours, still sniffing and sobbing lightly. "How...how can you ever smile? How can you live?"

Celestia didn't respond right away. She took a couple steps around the perimeter of the room, occasionally stopping to stare at a photo...and then another...and another...gazing deep into her friends' eyes and joyous smile. She drooped her head, a couple silent tears splashing down onto the marble below.

"Even after the bleakest tragedies, survivors move on. The mind won't let anypony live in lament for an extended period of time. They find a way, no matter how much they have lost, no matter how much their lives have been altered. Every death is a tragedy, one I have endured thousands of times. One never becomes numb to absolute loss. I recover quickly and move on, but during those final moments of watching a friend slip away, desperately clinging to the final grains of sand in the hourglass...it's been as sad for the thousandth pony as the first, for they are all different. No matter how long I live, I will never meet two of the same pony. And that makes it even more difficult to bear. I weep, I file my memories away in this room to honor lost friends, then I push them away. The past is a sea of broken memories and unfulfilled wishes, an ocean of pure sorrow. Only dip your hooves, and never swim in it for too long."

"Live in the present, you mean?" Twilight whispered.

"Yes, exactly!" Celestia nodded vigorously. "But only when the present is kind to you. Time will flow faster and faster as you age. You must savor the blissful moments; Do not let thoughts of future sorrow creep up on you. Let your joy be pure. And when times are hard, always remember that it will be over as soon as you know it. There are always happy times on the horizon." She smiled. "Even after all the hardship I've endured, I still manage to laugh and smile. You are never truly lost as long as you have those skills. A moment of pure joy can cut through the cloudiest skies."

The purple unicorn couldn't help but stand there in awe. She is so wise...so mature. She knows more about life than I ever will, more than I could ever hope to learn. She's right. Afterall, nothing has changed, really. I'm still young. I still have the most wonderful friends in Equestria, and we have decades, perhaps a century of time to spend together. She's right. Don't worry about the future. Revel in the present. I haven't faced loss yet; there's no reason to think about it any earlier than I have to.

"Oh Princess...thank you so much." Twilight sighed happily, a smile tugging at her lips. She used a quick spell to dry her wet and blotchy face, before it burst into a wide beam. "I was almost lost...but you've helped me learn so much about life."

A warm smile shone back down at the unicorn. "Of course. I could never let my student go through so much sadness without pulling her out of it. But Twilight Sparkle...there is more I want to share with you. I promise, none of it will be as bad as what you just went through. It's just...that isn't the only thing that weighs me down from time to time." She sighed. "Will you stay here with me a bit? Share my memories? Just...let me show you what it's like to be me. I need somepony else to understand.

I should know everything about her. There are so many books on Celestia, but I always considered math and science and magic to be more important than the history of my mentor But there's so much more to her than I ever could've imagined.

She simply nodded. "Of course, Princess." Twilight closed her eyes, and felt another horn upon her own once more.

Chapter 3

It was a sound one would not expect in the royal bedroom of a Sun Goddess: snoring. As the sun peered over the horizon, its light struck crept further and further up the polished floor, glistening off golden silk sheets. She practically melted into the mattress as she shifted about a little, before her snoring ceased and she pulled herself out of bed, yawning and stretching out her wings, scattering loose feathers all around.

These had better stop molting so much soon, she thought as she stepped over towards the arched window and peered out over the dully lit city of Canterlot. Bright pastel shaded houses stretched out on either side of the castle. Construction ponies were trotting everywhere, levitating all sorts of materials. Muffled hammer whacks and buzzing saws reached Celestia's ears as the laborers went to work on expanding the young central district. She beamed out proudly over her royal city, before turning her gaze towards the stationary sun. Might as well get this over with. She bowed her horn towards the horizon and closed her eyes, channeling her energy forward. The room flickered with light as Celestia strained, thick beads of sweat running down her forehead, before the golden glow exploded from her horn, illuminating every nook of the town, the ponies below shielding their eyes from the burst of illumination as the sun was thrust high into the sky, its light replacing her own over the city. She finally dropped her head and panted heavily for a few moments, barely noticing the cheers that rang out in the streets.

It's so tiring...but necessary.

Suddenly, the doors to her room swung open and in trotted a unicorn maid with a shimmering silver mane. "Good morning, Princess! Thank you so much for gracing us with your light yet again. Might I ask what you would like for breakfast?" She asked, before bowing down in front of Celestia.

"Silver, I've told you before." Celestia turned and snorted. "Please wait a little longer after the sun rises before you rush in here. It's a very tiring task, and I like to take a few minutes to recover before starting the day."

Silver's cheeks went beet red, and she cowered back a few steps, whinnying softly. "Oh...I'm so sorry, your majesty. A thousand apologies. It won't happen again."

The Sun Princess's glance of annoyance melted into a warm smile. "It is quite alright. I'm still a little new at this. I'm not so used to having favors showered upon me," she chuckled. "But since you are so polite to offer, I will just have some honey toast and milk, if you'll be so kind."

"Of course! I will have that sent up as soon as I can." Silver's face lit up, before she turned and strolled out of the room, the door closing behind her.

Celestia turned to face her personal palace suite. That canopy bed...it must cost a whole year's salary worth of bits. Besides the golden silk sheets, the mattress and pillows were made of the softest gryphon downy feathers, whiter than the purest clouds; the canopy was made from the finest purple velvet, which shimmered in the sunlight.

They insisted I should have it. She chuckled. This room...it's not anything like what the designers initially had in mind. They wanted a a full walk in closet with the most beautiful dresses in the land...my own personal spa that I could use every morning...everything to be made out of gold...and of course, for this room to be larger than any house in Canterlot. As it stood now, there was only the bed, a small wooden desk, and a large bookshelf, all lined up against one wall perpendicular to the entrance. They said this could always be furnished later at a moment's notice.

"But I don't really need much..." she muttered.

"Princess! Your food is ready!" In trotted Silver, wheeling a cart with a golden tray on top, topped with four slices of golden toast dripping with honey, along with a tall, frothy glass of milk. "Are you sure you don't need more than this? We have a full kitchen stocked with any delicacy you can think of-"

"Silver, I am quite fine. This breakfast looks lovely," the alicorn said abruptly. Her horn glowed as she lifted a few gold coins out of a pouch next to her bed. "Please, take these for your service."

The maid took a step back, mouth agape as she shook her head. "Princess, I can't accept this!"

"Take it," Celestia said firmly, before smiling down at the mare. "And please, just call me Celestia."

"Celestia..." she spoke slowly, her horn taking control of the bits. "Thank you so much for this. You are too kind."

"It is the least I can do. In the meantime, I am headed into Canterlot after I eat. Just keep the castle running smoothly while I am gone." The Princess nodded, beckoning Silver out of the room.

They wanted ten servants, too. At my beck and call at any moment in the day.She thought, before lifting a whole slice of honey toast into her mouth, the delectable creation melting in her mouth and tingling over her tastebuds. She washed the sweet slice down with a large gulp of icy, smooth milk. It only took her five minutes to eat before she wheeled the cart next to her door for Silver to pick up next time she made her rounds.

Still, it's not like I could say no to everything they offered. She smiled, before stepping out of her suite, walking down the stairs over a regal red carpet, passing by a throne made of solid gold. Celestia gazed in awe around the room; she hadn't gotten used to its beauty quite yet. Light shone in through stained glass windows as well as a skylight high above, reflecting off the pure white limestone floor, causing the entire throne room to sparkle.

It's so gorgeous...and it's mine. She beamed, strolling forward towards the two large double doors at the entrance where two pegasi guards were standing. "I am going into town to survey the construction being done in the central district. Take note of any visitors," she instructed, nodding as the two guards bowed their heads in compliance, before stepping out into Canterlot.

"City" was a premature term at the moment. For now, there were only two roads, intersecting in front of the castle. To the left and right were the residential areas, with the retail district straight ahead. Botiques, cafes, dress stores...all types of businesses were being planned. Celestia had objected that it was hasty to plan so many stores this early, but the city planners had insisted that every pony in Equestria would want to move to the City of the Sun. She smiled widely, strolling ahead down the golden path, the sun shining down upon her pastel mane as it billowed out behind her. Ponies gasped and bowed as Celestia passed them by, and she gave them a warm smile and a few kind words in response. The buzzing and hammering rang louder and louder as she approached the developing shops in the retail area. Unicorn mares and stallions trotted every which way, levitating every type of construction material.

"Steel Hooves, you're not hitting those nails in all the way! And make sure you-" A fore-stallion barked, before he turned and gasped at the sight of the Princess. He dropped a box of bolts and immediately dipped his head. "Oh, good morning Your Highness! I do hope the building is going along according to your liking."

"It's looking wonderful. I cannot wait to delight in the offerings this street will have to offer in the near future, and just outside my castle no less!" Celestia exclaimed, peering out over the construction, which had come to a standstill, the workers also bowing their heads. "Please, do not let my presence hinder building. I'm just here to see how things are coming along, nothing more!" The buzzing resumed. "Might there be anything I can assist with?" she asked the brown stallion.

"Princess, I'm sure you are far too busy to bother with our affairs." He replied.

"Not at all! My day is quite open. Plus, I would like to have a hoof in the construction of this beautiful city. It wouldn't be very helpful if I simply watched from my window now, would it?"

"Of course, mi'lady." He nodded. Well, if you insist, you can direct supplies to the construction crews that need them. That way we can focus more on building rather than hauling stuff everywhere."

"Sounds simple enough!" Celestia stepped over to where the construction supplies were stacked; bolts, nails, paint, wooden boards...

"Your highness!" A pegasus guard soared from behind and landed beside Celestia. "There's an urgent message for you from the Canterlot scout team! They said-"

Celestia's smile vanished, replaced by an irritable scowl. "Fighting has broken out between two colonies again. Very well, I will see General Skye." She let out an exasperated sigh. "I'm very sorry, ponies. I must attend to royal business. But I shall return when I have a free moment." She turned and spread her snowy wings, flapping up a few feet before soaring down the street, a heavy wind blasting behind her that blew building materials all over the street. Oops. As she approached the castle, the throne doors opened and she zoomed in, dropping to the ground in front of the throne with so much force that the whole room shook, knocking General Skye off his hooves as he waited. He stumbled to his hooves, gulping as Celestia towered over him, her mouth set in a hard line of annoyance.

"P-please forgive me Princess, but my scout team just returned. They informed me that troops are gathering between Marebury and Neigh Orleans!" he stuttered.

A heavy, gravelly groan escape from Celestia's throat. Equestria was still in its infancy, and colonies were popping up everywhere. Skirmishes often burst out between two settlements at a moments notice over patches of fertile land. They were usually nothing major, and Celestia had diffused many hostilities simply by sending a handful of ambassadors to help the two sides negotiate. But Marebury and Neigh Orleans were both fighting for control of the wetlands that lined the Ottertail River. Its soil was not only the richest in the land, but its position next to the river meant that crops could be directly loaded onto boats for trade, which meant almost no land transportation costs.

"I have been hearing these reports for the last three months. I have constantly sent delegates to diffuse the fighting. Marebury and Neigh Orleans both know they are being sent under my command. Do they not listen to my authority?" Celestia shouted, stomping her front hoof down so hard the floor cracked beneath, although it was quickly restored with a brief glow from her horn. Skye cowered and took a step backwards.

"I'm so sorry to disturb your day with this news," Skye stammered, "but I don't think delegates will work this time. Hundreds of troops are gathering between the cities, more than ever before. My flight team had to escape in case arrows started flying!"

Celestia let out a hopeless sigh. "I suppose there's no choice then. I'll go there and stop things myself. They clearly won't listen to reason. I will not send more ambassadors and risk their safety."

"Princess...please forgive me, but is it such a good idea to fly down into a battlefield on your own?"

"I raise the sun each morning. I think I can handle it." Celestia said flatly. "Report to my sister. Tell her where I have gone and to keep the city running smoothly." She turned and galloped out of the castle, before leaping into the air, wings unfurling behind her as she soared into the sky, the houses and trees quickly disappearing behind her as every pony below gazed up in awe. She flew with such velocity that she felt the cold sting of the wind tug against her coat and mane; each powerful beat accelerated her faster and faster. It was a three hours carriage ride down from Canterlot to Marebury, but just ten minutes into her trip two large mosaic masses of color entered her vision. Ponies, hundreds of them gathered outside the two cities just north of the wetlands. Celestia sensed so much magic in the air she thought her horn would explode. Above the troops hovered pegasi archers, flying around like a swarm of bees, trying to gain an altitude advantage over the other side.

So pointless. I should have stopped this the first time I heard about it. Celestia fully extended her legs, diving down, a piercing light shining down from her horn that lit up the already sunny sky. The roar of hundreds of voices suddenly swelled as the two multi-colored masses of troops began to charge towards one another...and just as quickly, they froze, the air becoming deafeningly silent as they saw the Sun Goddess descending upon them. The pegasi dropped to the ground, joining the masses as they all bowed down before her. Not a respectful head bow; as they came into sight, Celestia saw their whole bodies lying on the ground, burying their heads between their forelegs, unicorn horns dipped so low they dug into the dirt. She could practically taste the fear in the air. For the first time, she actually felt the power of being a ruler tingle under her coat.

Celestia slammed into the ground between the two sides with such force that a mini crater formed beneath her. She took a couple steps forward, glaring at the ponies on either side of her, who simply cowered back, their entire bodies quivering as they stared at the ground SUBJECTS. AS THE SUPREME RULER OF EQUESTRIA, I COMMAND YOU CEASE THIS FIGHTING AT ONCE. I REFUSE TO TOLERATE THIS PETTY SQUABBLE ANY LONGER. Magical and royal power surged through her body as she spoke in the Royal Canterlot Voice. The wind howled, carrying with it bows and swords that the ponies had dropped upon Celestia's arrival. Dust kicked about as an intense heat began to radiate from Celestia's body, the temperature soaring above a hundred degrees. The troops began sweating intensely in their armor, but the Sun Queen paid no attention to this heat surge.

Not just a faceless princess in the forest anymore, am I?

Her body shook with force, eyes glowing a golden yellow as she scowled over the quivering troops. I HAVE GIVEN YOU PLENTY OF CHANCES TO SETTLE YOUR DIFFERENCES. YOU REFUSED TO LISTEN TO THE AMBASSADORS I SENT UNDER MY ROYAL AUTHORITY. YOU LEFT ME NO CHOICE BUT TO COME AND CEASE THIS MYSELF! The temperature continued to rise as Celestia's irritation manifested into rage around her. In her frustration, she drove her front left hoof into the ground.

The stifling heat exploded around them, erupting from Celestia's glowing horn. A golden light burst outwards from her body, along with a shockwave that sent all but the most distant soldiers soaring high through the air, hundreds of bodies slamming into the ground a hundred feet away. A steamy hisssssssss seered around them as the nearby marshlands hit boiling temperature for an instant. The heat was so intense it actually singed the ponies' manes and feathers, flooding the air with a thick, heavy stench. The grass was scorched into a black carbon mess, which the wind kicked into the air. What's going on? Celestia panicked, feeling her body searing with magic, radiating out of every pore as the temperature continued to climb Stop it, Celestia...STOP IT! YOU'RE GOING TO KILL THEM!

The panic cut through the rage emanating from her form, and the shock wave stopped. Her body tingled all over as she felt the temperature instantly drop to normal.

Oh no...a cold feeling of dread filled filled her body, like thousands of ice cold needles pressing up under her skin. No longer were her subjects in organized rows. They had been tossed every which away like ragdolls, bodies bruised and broken, piled upon one another. The acrid burning stench clung inside her nostrils, and the ground was completely scorched. Ash and dust kicked through the air in thick, black lines.

What have I done? How did this happen? How could I let so much magic escape like that? Her horn glowed with a blue light, shining brightly over the scattered and piled bodies as she channeled all her magic into a powerful healing spell. She sighed in relief as she saw bruises gradually fade away and singed manes and coats grow back to their original colors. Gently, she managed to lift up every body and carefully set them down so they weren't all stacked on top of one another The ponies slowly stood up one by one, examining their bodies, a few gasping when they realized they were almost fully healed, feeling only dull aches and pains.

However, not all of them stood up. Celestia's heart sank like a stone as she flapped her wings and hovered upwards, surveying the scene below. The live ponies were healed and appeared normal; the dead ones stuck out like a sore thumb. They were the ones that were closest to Celestia's outburst. Their bodies lie limp and lifeless, scorched black and purple. She did a quick count: Fifty. At least. Oh no. No. Please, no.

She looked over those who remained standing. Her subjects were dead silent, staring up at Celestia with wide terror filled eyes, their bodies shivering . Fear. It was as thick as the ash that blew in the wind, and it bore into Celestia's soul, an empty hollow feeling swelling in her chest. She dropped to the ground, frozen. She looked all around the battlefield, desperately hoping to see more ponies stand up. But everything was still.

I did this.

I killed them.

Just because I couldn't handle my annoyance with them.

Sobs rang in her ears as the survivors broke their gaze from Celestia and began mourning their dead, burying their heads into the lifeless flanks and weeping. Celestia could only stand there.

"I...I'M SO SORRY!" She cried out, before galloping away, pounding her hooves into the ground with as much force as she could muster, before soaring high into the air, rapidly beating her wings. Higher and higher she climbed, bursting through the clouds, quickly settling onto a puffy cumulus, burying her head into it like a pillow as she began to sob, her face burning and swollen as heavy tears rolled down her face.

Chapter 2.5

As the memory ended with another blinding flash, Twilight collapsed on the ground in front of Celestia. Her mind was a foggy mess; she had felt every pain, heard every thought of the Princess. Twilight had never felt so empty in her life.

Dazzle...seeing the dying purple pony as a bright eyed young filly nearly brought a tear to her eye. Young, full of potential, hundreds of years stretched out in front of her...gone in an instant. And now the time since her passing had long exceeded her life. It was such a lovely ceremony...but ultimately, what was the point?

But that wasn't the only thing that tugged at her.

There were a hundred ponies in that room, but Celestia may as well had been the only one.

"Celestia?" Twilight slowly got to her hooves and peered up at her mentor. "Is this why you told me not to bow?"

"It is indeed, Twilight Sparkle." Celestia closed her eyes for a moment. "It's a strange thing. Countless subjects live under me, yet I walk alone. They love me only for what I do and what I represent. They equate royalty with formality; they assume I adore the bows and titles, that I require them to treat me in such a manner. But there's no bond to be shared when a pony acts not out of free will, but obligation. Actions and words must be genuine for them to be truly felt."

"But Celestia...I'm sure they were genuine. Do you think they aren't thankful for what you do?" Twilight asked with a confused look on her face.

"Oh, I'm sure they are, and I'm glad they feel that way. But imagine, Twilight. Say you help me with some chores around the castle. Then, everytime I see you after that, I thank you specifically for the chores you did, using almost the exact same wording every time, simply because I feel like I have to."

Twilight nodded. "It would become old after the first time. I mean, I would know that you were thankful for the help. You wouldn't need to keep saying it everytime you see me."

"See what I mean?" Celestia peered down at her student, her face expressionless. "They constantly thank me just for who I am. I raise the sun for them, but with so many subjects, it is unlikely that I have personally done anything for a particular pony. Yet they praise me just the same."

"But why don't you just tell them to treat you normally? Explain to them how you really feel." Twilight said, before scrunching up her forehead, realizing how foolish her words sounded.

Celestia chuckled, before shaking her head. "You don't just tell a pony how to treat you, let alone thousands. I can imply how I feel; I'm sure you saw that in my memory. I couldn't just hold a speech explaning my true feelings. Actions and relationships dictate how one is treated. The less you know another pony, the more formally you will treat him or her. I can't possibly know all of my subjects personally, and therefore they default to formal treatment out of fear or respect. Perhaps both."

"Fear?" Out of all the words associated with the Princess, it was one Twilight never would have associated her with.

"Fear comes with power, Twilight." Celestia sighed. "I have been blessed with incredible magical gifts. Perhaps they are afraid that they will anger me, and a magical outburst would follow. You've seen for yourself how tough it can be to control it. Remember when you were first taking your magical entrance exam and you turned your parents into plants?" A small snicker escaped the regal alicorn.

Twilight laughed at the memory. "How could I forget?"

"Indeed, it was quite funny, given that no serious harm was done. But you know that controlling such magic..." a perfect sphere of light began illuminating from her horn tip once more. "...takes incredible willpower."

Another memory already? Twilight was starting to have second thoughts. I don't know if my mind can handle it...but I can't back down now. She simply nodded, bowing her own horn forward, closing her eyes, before another burst of light flooded her head.

Prologue

"Celestia, your carriage is ready for the parade." A silver-maned unicorn mare trotted into the study where the Princess was currently standing at her desk, a quill glowing and scratching away at some parchment. She had an intense look of concentration upon her face, which melted into a smile upon hearing her name.

"Ah, thank you for letting me know, Silver." She capped the ink and set her quill down, lifting up the scroll and sending it away with a quick burst of light from her horn. "I've been holed up writing letters all day. I need to get out and enjoy the sunshine." She turned to beam down at her assistant. It was the first day of spring, and a parade was planned to celebrate the warm, sunny weather, as well as to honor Celestia and the students of the University for magic they used to progress the season. "You know, Silver, no one has called me just by name in a long time. It is quite refreshing to hear. Lightens up the mood.

"Oh! That was just a slip up on my part. But I'm glad you're okay with it!" she exclaimed, bowing her head slightly. "But...Celestia? My name isn't Silver. It's April."

The Princess gasped, a deep blush spreading across her face.

"Celestia? Is something wrong?" April asked, taking an uneasy step backwards."

She snapped back to reality, jerking her head to smile back down at April. "Ah, it's nothing. I'm so sorry. You just reminded me of somepony else for a moment. Tell the guards I will be out shortly."

"Of course, right away." April bowed her head once more, before trotting out the door, which Celestia closed behind her. She turned and stared directly into the crackling fireplace.

Such a lovely day...shame it has to be ruined by an errant memory. Celestia sighed. How long has it been since you passed? 1800 years? She cringed at the thought, dropping to the ground and closing her eyes.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Dazzle, will you-"

"...honey toast-"

"Then, I hereby-"

"STOP! YOU'RE GOING TO-"

"You'll do well-"

"Where did the time go?"

"AS THE SUPREME RULER OF EQUESTRIA-"

"It's that time again..."

"I'M SO SORRY!"

Celestia opened her eyes and stood up with a jerk, grabbing a book off her desk and desperately starting to read, focusing on every word, every idea in an attempt to stop the flood of thoughts pouring into her mind. "March 15th. The Canterlot historical society requested that a portion of city funds be used for the restoration of the Museum of Natural History." A sigh of relief escaped the alicorn, feeling her mind begin to clear up as the stream of fragmented thoughts and memories came to a stop. Yet, they still bubbled up under her consciousness, a distant, worrying feeling.

Get ahold of yourself. You have a parade to attend. You mustn't keep your subjects waiting. She took a deep breath and strolled out of the study. As she walked down the corridor towards her throne room, she looked out the windows and saw hundreds of ponies lining the street below. She could hear their muffled cheers, and a small smile graced her face once again. Soon, the corridor opened into a massive throne room that seemed to stretch towards the very sky.

"Good afternoon, Princess." A royal pegasi guard bowed. "Thank you so much for your role in wrapping up winter."

"You're very welcome, White Wing. It's the least I can do for this lovely city. Winter is nice, but it gets tiring after a while." She nodded. "In the mean time, I am ready to don my carriage." Celestia began walking down the plush, cherry colored carpet, magically opening the huge double doors, blinding sunlight bursting in, the full roar of the crowd blaring in her ears. With a small smile, she leaped into the air, wings extending and beating as she slowly descended down to the street, stepping into a gold coated chariot that was pulled by two royal guards. Hundreds of faces stretched out in front of her, a mosaic of color that lined the streets. But she didn't see their faces: she saw faces of old friends: students, guards, teachers, farmers that she had known throughout the years. She couldn't recall how long ago she had known these ponies; she only knew they were gone now.

The carriage wheeled on past dozens of beaming, cheering faces, her own smile becoming harder and harder to sustain as it slowly faded from her eyes. None of the ponies noticed. And although she bowed her head down to her subjects at the carriage progressed, she didn't truly see them. Well, if this makes them happy...that's all that matters. Her subjects only saw a shining face and wide smile. But in her mind, she was preparing a letter:

My faithful student Twilight Sparkle:

Chapter 4

Twilight was thrust back into reality. Several torches were now lit, and the sky above was fading to lavender and orange as the sun began to set. She laid on the floor, muscles limp and heavy, staring at the wall.

Despair. I've never felt it with that much intensity. It's a bleak, hopeless feeling. Dozens of ponies...all gone in a flash. It was an accident, but that doesn't change the fact that nothing will ever bring them back. Twilight could still hear Celestia's hopeless sobs ring in her ears.

Still, that power...I've never felt anything like it before. A tingling sensation surged through her body.

Twilight glanced up at Celestia, who was also staring into space, a blank expression on her face. "H-how did you deal with it?" she stammered.

Celestia didn't move as she spoke. "It took time, Twilight. Nothing can fix what I did. I was hasty. I was looking for an excuse to use my power, and it just got out of control," she uttered, staring at the ground. "I was young back then. Luna and I were thrust into ruling after we gained control of the sun and moon. The ponies wouldn't have anyone else, so we had to learn as we went along. It was a huge burden from time to time, as you saw. We possessed incredible powers, ones we didn't quite have full control over yet. And well...you saw what happened.

"But that was almost 2000 years ago. The grief has faded. I eventually had to get over it. Life goes on, and I had a kingdom to run." She simply nodded.

Twilight shook her head. "But when? When did you get over it? What happened afterwards? Did every pony fear you? How did it affect your rule? What-"

Celestia chuckled, raising a hoof to stop Twilight. "My, you're quite eager to learn more, aren't you? But isn't it getting late? We've been in here for hours."

I need to know what happened next, Twilight thought. She's like a walking history book, a portal into another world. I've never been so fascinated in my life.

"Princess? Could I stay here for a few days? I-I just want to learn more about you. Please, share more memories with me. They're really interesting," she breathed with wide eyes.

Celestia smiled, leading Twilight out of the memory room, the wall rising to seal off the entrance behind them. "That's what I had intended all along, Twilight." Her horn glowed momentarily, and shortly afterwards the door of the study opened, a silver maned unicorn trotting in."

"Yes, Celestia? Do you need something?" April said, before her eyes lit up upon noticing Twilight. "Oh, Twilight! I didn't know you were visiting! It's great to see you!"

She smiled. "Great to see you too, April. Keeping busy?"

"Oh, you have no idea!" April beamed as the three of them began to walk down the corridor. "Castle life is busy, but so rewarding!"

"April, Twilight will be staying with us for a few days. Could you please show her to a suite?" Celestia stated.

"Of course! Sleep well, princess!" April exclaimed, as Celestia turned to walk in the opposite direction. April and Twilight walked in silence for a a few minutes, before they turned through a wooden door and began climbing a spiral staircase up one of the castle towers.

"So, what exactly do you do as Celestia's assistant?" Twilight asked, eyes just beginning to adjust to the narrow, dim, torch lit stairway, a stale, musty scent hanging in her nostrils.

April grinned. "Lots of things! It really depends on what the princess needs. I arrange balls and parties, help out with court meetings, handle minor citizen complaints..." she trailed off. "I really enjoy it! Life is really interesting in the castle."

"I see. Sounds like you keep busy! I miss Canterlot from time to time. I grew up here, you know." Twilight said, as they reached the top of the tower.

The assistant nodded. "Yes, I've missed seeing you around here. Perhaps you could come back someday!" She said, before opening the door to the suite. Twilight's jaw dropped as she stared wide eyed at the room. Straight ahead was a large frilly canopy bed, the same one from Celestia's memory, with sparkling sapphire sheets and puffy pink pillows. The last traces of sunlight shone in through arched windows, which were lined with golden curtains. Overall, the suite was reminiscent of Celestia's first bedroom.

"Wow...I had forgotten how nice the suites are!" Twilight exclaimed, trotting into the room. "I'm exhausted, though. I'll see you tomorrow, April."

April nodded, bowing her head before turning to exit. Twilight flopped down on the bed, yawning and slipping under the soft, silky covers. With her horn, she turned off the lights and closed the curtains.

Feels like forever since I slept in one of these beds. So comfortable. Lucky April, she probably gets to sleep like this every night. Twilight closed her eyes, but the events of the day still pounded in her head.

I can't believe I never talked to Celestia like that before. I've spent over ten years studying with her, but it was only that. Studying. Today was the first day where it really felt like I got to know her. She's so fascinating. She has to have thousands of stories to tell. I need to hear all of them. I don't care if they wear me out. Her memories...I've never felt anything with such intensity.

Indeed, all the emotions Celestia had exposed her to were still simmering in her mind. She lied under the covers, barely possessing the energy to shift about and get more comfortable. Twilight attempted to clear her mind, the clashing feelings slowly fading.

Still, why did she call me here in the first place? Was she feeling sad? Did she need somepony to talk to? I understand I'll have to deal with loss eventually, but hopefully not for another hundred years! Why did she need to summon me now, of all times?

She yawned. It was too late to think about it. Eventually, she drifted off to sleep, eagerly awaiting a new day of learning.

Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"It's that time again, isn't it... Celestia thought to herself, sighing and hanging her head as she stepped down off her golden throne, making her way down the red carpet that divided the room, her mane billowing out behind her as, its shining pastels complemented by the brilliant hues streaming in through the stained glass windows, reflecting upon the polished marble floor. Today was the ceremony for the new inductees to the Canterlot University for Arcane Studies. Every five years the unicorns in the university would graduate and be replaced by seven new inductees to study under the Solar Princess herself. The graduation ceremony had already occurred in the summer. It was a wonderful fall event; all of the greatest wizards across Equestria were trained by Celestia, and it was at this event where she would get to know some of the greatest young minds in all of Canterlot.

How many does this one make? Two hundred? She shook her head and glared down at her reflection in the floor. NO, Celestia. Don't think about it. This is a joyous occasion, and you shall treat it as such! She held her head high and picked up the pace, quickly approaching the front of the throne room where two royal pegasi guards were standing on either side of the entrance.

"Ah, good evening princess!" One exclaimed, both bowing their horns to the ground in front of her. "Heading to the ceremony, I presume?"

Celestia winced as she heard the clacking of their horns against the hard floor. "Good evening yourselves, gentlemen. I am indeed headed to the ceremony. The princess can't be late for the event she's hosting, now can she?" She chuckled, before raising a hoof, stopping the guards as they began to walk in front of her. "No. I'll be attending the induction on my own. I won't be requiring an escort. You two simply stay here, understood?" She said, politely but firmly.

"Erm-yes, of course Princess. Enjoy the festivities." The other guard stated, before they moved back into their original perfectly stationary positions.

Celestia nodded, and exited the room to the left, making her way towards the castle ballroom located in eastern wing of the castle. It was still early, and not another soul walked in the seemingly endless corridor. The only sound was Celestia's hooves clopping on the ground as she walked. Out the windows she could see all sorts of ponies in the street below, chatting, shopping, or perhaps grabbing a bite to eat at one of the many cafes, the sun's rays causing the whole scene to sparkle. Another heavy sigh left the princess as she turned her head forward. The hallway was lined with unlit torches on each side, and between those were radiant, glowing suncrests, exactly matching the ones on her flank. She glanced back at her cutie mark, before sharply turning her head forward, sternly keeping her view straight ahead. Yet, it wasn't long before she was standing in front of the towering arched double doors that led to the ballroom, brightly painted red in contrast to another golden sun crest. Her eyes drifted upwards, and widened at the sight above. Protruding from the hall above was an upper body bust of the Sun Goddess, carved out of pure white limestone. Her legs were pointed up towards the sky along with her muzzle, wings fully flared out behind her, horn parallel with the ceiling. It was the exact same position she posed when she raised the sun at the Summer Sun Festival.

Celestia stared up at the statue, unable to tear her gaze away. She looked so majestic, so pure, so regal..."That's me." She whispered. And slowly, she took a step forward and dropped to one knees, lowering her head until her unicorn horn clinked in front of her. "And this is what it feels like." She spoke in a droll monotone. Celestia closed her eyes, feeling her mind go blank. She tried to remove all sense of self from her psyche. She was no one; it was the statue who had to worry about everything. It had to raise the sun, not her. It was going to live forever, not the commoner bowing before her. For once, Celestia felt like nothing; insignificant before the majestic creature above. "Could it be only you? Just for a couple years? It'll only take a moment, I swear..." She sniffed. "I could go out and enjoy myself for a little bit, and you could take over...please?"

She really didn't want to cry. Not now. Any other time, but not before the ceremony. Her eyes were closed, but the hot heavy tears built up behind her eyelids. She sniffled a couple more times, before standing up, and defiantly staring down the Celestia statue. "No. I refuse to act like this!" She stomped one hoof forcefully on the ground, rattling the corridor. "You are going to go in there, eat some lovely food, and meet some of the most wonderful ponies in Canterlot. You are going to enjoy yourself. This is not the time for self pity!" Her mane flared out behind her, billowing out like never before, her head raised high as she magically opened the ballroom doors and stepped inside. The regal red carpet extended from the hallway all the way to a long rectangular table towards the back of the room with eight seats, one for the princess and seven for the new students. Behind this was a small stage where the musicians would be playing, and Scattered about were smaller, circular tables for families and guests, all of them covered in gorgeous golden cloth. But she still couldn't escape her crest. Purple banners hung from the ceiling, all with the sun symbol plastered on them. Celestia stared up at them for a couple moments, before sighing lightly, leaving them be. Instead, she took her position next to the entrance and waited for the guests and students to arrive.

Ten minutes later ponies started coming, and for a half an hour there were only formalities.

"Hello your majesty," A blue coated stallion bowed down. "It's such an honor."

"Of course. Thank you so much for coming." Celestia returned the bow, a sunny smile on her face.

"Princess! I-I can't believe I'm finally meeting you!" A young filly squealed as she and her parents walked through, staring up at the large alicorn goddess that towered over her. Celestia beamed down at the small pony, but before she could say anything the mother cried out: "Liara! Treat the Princess with a little more respect!" She scolded, before bowing down. "I'm so sorry about that, your majesty."

"Oh, not at all! I wish I could be young and full of wonder and curiosity again. She said matter-of-factly. "Life is too short to be spent on formalities." The princess leaned down and gently touched her horn against the young filly's forehead, just below her own horn. "Remember that, Liara."

Liara let out an excited squeal and did a little hop. "I will, Princess! Thank you so much!" She dashed off towards one of the tables. The parents blushed slightly, and Celestia chuckled as they ran off after her.

Dozens of people she had to greet, each one of them bowing down, not one of her calling her just by name. It was always "Princess" or "Your Highness" or "Your Majesty" or "Princess Celestia." Never just "Celestia." Formality after formality droned on, and her smile became less and less genuine with each greeting. No one could tell the difference, though. She had gone through these sessions tens of thousands of times over the past thousand years. To everyone else, her smile was always and pure.

Why can't this just be over...this can be the worst part of these ceremonies... She thought to herself. Luckily, the stream of guests began to trickle down, the tables filling up, all seven students already in their places at the head table as the sound of idle chatter echoed throughout the room.

"Good evening, your high-"

Celestia grimaced on the inside, and interrupted: "Oh, please, just Celestia will do." She put on her best, most pure, benevolent smile she could, and bowed towards the gentlecolt.

"Ah! Of course, your hi-I mean, Celestia." The colt stammered, giving another rushed bow before scurrying off towards a table. She just shook her head before closing the ballroom doors behind her, which rattled the room for a moment. The chatter quickly ceased, all eyes trained Celestia as she strolled down the red carpet. She stared straight ahead at her table, trying not to notice all the heads tilted down in her direction. But the students were doing the same thing, so she looked past them, focusing her sight on a meaningless section of the wall.

This is a festive event. Only semi-formal. But it doesn't feel like one.

She took her position at the middle of the table, overlooking dozens of ponies, all of their heads still bowed. The silence was deafening, but she was the only one who could break it.

"Thank you all so much for attending this wonderful ceremony." Finally, every pony raised their heads, allowing smiles to return. "We are gathered here today to celebrate and welcome our newest students to the Canterlot Arcane University." She nodded to both sides, allowing a pause for applause, a roaring of clopping hooves flooding the room. She beamed down at her students, who were all smiling widely, cheeks tinged with crimson. "These bright minds will devote their time to developing their tremendous magical abilities in the Canterlot Archives and spend one day a week studying under me. They have all worked extremely hard to achieve the seven highest exam scores, and everypony should commend them for their accomplishments." More applause. "We shall formally begin the introduction ceremony in a short amount of time. In the meantime, please enjoy the food and music that has been prepared for you."

Celestia returned to her seat as the string ensemble began to play behind her, the strings swelling throughout the room, joined with the chatter of all the ponies as several waiters walked out and began levitating food out to each table. As the platters were spread out in front of them, Twilight turned towards the young purple filly to her left. "So, are you nervous, Dazzle?"

Dazzle gasped in a surprise and beamed up at the Princess. "Oh, not at all! I'm really looking forward to studying with you, Princess. I'm going to be just as good at you at magic when I'm done!"

"That's great! Perhaps you want my job then?" Celestia winked down at her. "YOU can run the kingdom, and I'll go have fun in the library all day!"

"Ooooh. That's doesn't sound like fun! I'll only get ALMOST as good as you, then!" The young filly giggled.

"You'll be a great magician, Dazzle. I'm sure of it." The Princess nodded down towards her, before facing forward, sighing happily. She basked in the warm melodies flowing through her head, along with the jovial chatter. She gazed out across the ballroom, and saw everypony enjoying themselves. They all had wide smiles on their faces. They were being normal, acting as if Celestia wasn't there. She conversed with several other students, and reveled in their pure, cheerful words. I can't wait to teach you all...you're the only ones who know how to treat a princess.

Just like the other hundreds I've taught...

The thought popped in like an annoying mosquito, which Celestia immediately tried to swat away. She snorted lightly and shook her head rapidly a few times. Luckily, no one else noticed. She stood up, and stepped on the ground a couple times, the abrupt solid sound causing everypony to turn their heads towards her, the chatter dying down within seconds. As soon as it was completely silent, she hovered up and landed in front of the table.

"Thank you. We will now start the Induction Oaths. New fillies and colts, would you please take your positions in front of me?"

The seven young unicorns hopped off their chairs and made their way forward, standing in a horizontal line facing the crowd, some of them gulping a little from the dozens of eyes all fixated on them.

"Repeat after me: As duly appointed students of Celestia's school, we swear an oath to bequeath diligence, conduct and loyally to our fellow pony in the good name of our academic goals as proud students of this royal academy."

""As duly appointed students of Celestia's school, we swear an oath to bequeath diligence, conduct and loyalty to our fellow pony in the good name of our academic goals as proud students of this royal academy." The students chanted.

"I vow to use my magic to serve the common good of Equestria; to help, not hurt, until the day I die."

And for me, until eternity.

"I vow to use my magic to serve the common good; to help, not hurt, until the day I die."

Celestia bowed down behind her students. "Then you are hereby full time students of Canterlot University. Congratulations, young fillies and colts. May your magic shine brightly upon Equestria."

The seven unicorns beamed as an eruption of hooves and cheering stormed around them, lasting for over a minute as they were all showered with praise and admiration.

You'll do well, young ponies.

I'll make our moments together last as long as I can.