Kingdom of Crazies

by mojomcm

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Main 6, Princess Luna
Length: 2227

All of the major villains and heroes live under the same roof. Celestia may very well loose her sanity. Also, Discord is best princess. Wait, what?!

Through a series of fateful events (and no small amount of craziness) all of Equestria's greatest villains, heroes, and princesses come to live under the same roof. Celestia may very well loose her sanity throughout the shenanigans that ensue.

Also, Discord is Best Worst Princess.
Luna waz here.
Celestia droolz, Sombra Rulz!

Wait, what?

(Same universe as Discord's Day Off by me)

Published 2014-02-18 03:00:09 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-24 03:56:16 UTC

Episode 1

Discord grinned in an almost-evil-but-mostly-crazy-but-not-really-since-he-had-turned-nice-although-still-crazy sort of way as he looked at his partner-in-crime. Her green eyes focused on him as she stared at the crude image he had drawn on the door to the Solar Tower, which housed the bedroom of Princess Celestia. The draconequus stepped back to admire his work, and to take a bite of cotton candy that floated near his head.

"Are you absolutely sure that this won't get me in any trouble?" she asked nervously. "And aren't you supposed to be reformed?"

The draconequus pouted, "Aw, Chrissy! Don't ruin my fun! Besides, graffiti isn't evil, just annoying. Even teenagers do it sometimes."

Queen Chrysalis, for that was Discord's partner's name, frowned as she studied the image. "Princess Celestia sure won't be happy."

"Says the bug pony who trapped her in a cocoon not too long ago at a royal wedding. I mean, what were you thinking?!"

Chrysalis rolled her eyes, "At least I wasn't imprisoned in stone for it."

Discord held his paw to his chest. "You wound me, Chrissy. You really do."

The changeling queen simply rolled her eyes again, at his lame jokes. Discord pouted as he turned back to the door. His eagle claw held a dripping paintbrush that he used to write his name on the door, along with a message for Celestia, were she to see their hoofwork.

Chrysalis pointed to his writing, "Why are you doing that? She's not supposed to know who did this!" Her hooves frantically gestured to the markings.

"What?! Then how will she know who spent their time making this masterpiece? A waste it would be if she didn't know who to thank." Discord's mismatched eyes glared at the changeling queen who dared to mock and defile his logic. What little he had, anyways.

"At the very least you would avoid punishment."

Discord thought about this for a second. "I already avoid punishment all the time. No point in doing extra avoiding for the same amount of punishing. It just simply doesn't add up."

Right at that moment, the midnight blue alicorn of the night, Princess Luna, happened to walk past the two bickering sort-of-ex-villains. Her eyes widened to see Queen Chrysalis in Canterlot Castle, especially after the invasion; as well as Discord, who was most likely doing someprank he shouldn't.

"Halt!" Luna stompped up to the two, passing two small cans of black paint as she got right up in Discord's face. "Just what doth thou thinketh thou art doing?!"

"Again, in Equestrian?" Discord asked; the "thee's" and "thou's" were throwing him off and confusing him to the angered mare's intent.

Luna sighed, "What art thou doing?"

"Painting stupid pictures of your sister on her door," Chrysalis answered with a yawn.

"Really?" Luna's voice had way too much enthusiasm for somepony who was supposed to be good and not at all evil. "We mean, what doth they look like?"

"See for yourself," Discord said with a toothy grin.

Luna leaned in to see that the usually white door had a crude painting of Celestia on it with the words "Discord is Best Princess", "Discord rulz, Celestia droolz", and "Chrysalis thinks Celestia stinks" on it. The alicorn grinned as she read them, "Hoof us a paintbrush, will thou?"

Discord and Chrysalis shared a look and shrugged before giving her a paintbrush. The two ex-villains snickered as Luna wrote the words "Luna waz hereth" across the bottom of the picture.

"What, did thou forgeteth that we used to do this kind of thing all the time when we were Nightmare Moon? Besides, our sister Tia needs somepony to keep her ginormous ego down."

Certainly Celestia would not be pleased to hear what her sister was doing.

"And what are you doing?" a voice asked from just out of the three's vision. Standing behind them was none other than the alicorn of the sun, Princess Celestia. Her multicolored mane and tail billowed in an unseen and unfelt wind as she walked up to the threesome.

Celestia frowned, seeing the dripping paintbrush hanging from Luna's magic. Chrysalis looked ready to panic or faint, Discord smirked like he had planned this (though he hadn't and was really as scared as the others), and Luna looked stricken. Her eyes darted from the door to her sister as the brush clattered to the floor.

"This isn't what it looks like!" Luna pleaded.

"Oh?" Celestia frowned. "Three trouble-makers are tagging my door with silly images of me and getting black paint all over the floor and their hooves while they do it."

"Okay, so it is what it looks like."

The draconequus, changeling queen, and alicorn hung their heads, waiting for the on-coming punishment. They were surprised to see the paintbrush be lifted in a haze of gold magic. It hovered in front of the door just long enough to draw a mustache on the drawing of the solar diarch.

Three heads spun 'round to see Celestia's magic fading as she lowered the paintbrush. She smirked as she said, "Can't let you guys have all the fun."

Luna's jaw dropped, and she knew that Queen Chrysalis and Discord's jaws were dropped, too. Who knew that Celestia had actually developed a sense of humor during the years of her imprisonment on the moon? Certainly not any of the three of them.

Princess Celestia's tail swished back and forth as she walked away. The last words anypony heard before she left were: "You three had better get some rest. Princesses Cadence and Twilight are moving in tomorrow, and you don't want to be back on their bad sides."

Author's Note

Chrysalis' backstory will be shown in flashback form later.

Episode 2

Princess Mi Amore Cadenza galloped close behind her sister-in-law and newly crowned princess, Twilight Sparkle, as the latter rushed toward the Everfree Forest at full speed. Cadence's violet eyes darted about as she took in their surroundings. The trail was rough, and the edges were beginning to become overgrown. Soon, however, the two skidded to a stop outside a strange looking house.

"Zecora?" Twilight called, cupping her fore hooves around her mouth. "Are you home?"

"Just one minute, my dear," the zebra's voice called from inside. "Come in, I am here."

Twilight and Cadence shared a look before walking up to the door. As Twilight opened to door, she asked, "So, why did you call us here?"

"A very good question you seek; an intruder has appeared, come take a peek." With this, Zecora motioned to the grey unicorn that was sitting behind her. He was bound and gagged, and a metal ring hung from his horn, made for canceling a unicorn's magic. Cadence's eyes widened as she took in the strange stallion in front of her.

His horn was smooth, not unlike a changeling drone's, and faded from red to grey. The unicorn's eyes were red and green, with wisps of purple floating from the corners. His fluffy black mane hung in his eyes as he glared at the two princesses.

"SOMBRA?!!" Cadence instinctively readied a spell, only for Twilight to stop her.

"We need to know what Celestia wants to do with him first. Then we can use him as a living punching bag."

Cadence smirked, "I kind of like the sound of that." She leaned in real close to ex-king Sombra to whisper, "Nopony hurts my crystal ponies."

Sombra's pupils shrank as he struggled to scoots away from the pink alicorn. Twilight chuckled at his reaction to the seemingly crazy pony.

"So how did Sombra get here, Zecora?" Twilight turned to the zebra.

"An old mistake can really bite, and the Alicorn Amulet gave me such a fright," Zecora stated. "For the jewel inside turned into a pony who made me want to hide."

Cadence frowned, "The Alicorn Amulet turned into Sombra? How?"

Twilight thought for a second, "Unless the gem was...his horn!"

"Eww!"

"Doubly noted."

Princess Celestia sighed as she and Chrysalis waited for the train station where Princesses Cadence and Twilight would be arriving. Prince Shining Armor had arrived straight from the Crystal Empire (which had turned into a sort of democracy while he was gone) and was up at the castle settling in.

"Are you absolutely sure I won't be shot once they see me?" Chrysalis whined. Ever since she had been found wandering the streets of Manehattan without a disguise (the reasons why being unknown even to Chrysalis), she was dragged alongside either Celestia, Luna, Discord, or any combination of the three.

"Positive!" Celestia forced a smile. "Shining Armor didn't shoot you."

"He tried."

"Oh look, here they come!" The train pulled into the station ahead of them. After almost all of the passengers got off (several giving Chrysalis strange looks) Twilight, Cadence, and a grey unicorn who was suspended in pink magic walked up to the two royals. Celestia thought she recognized the unicorn, but she couldn't put her hoof on who.

"Celestia!" Twilight bowed to her ex-mentor before giving her a quick hug. "Uh...hi, Chrysalis."

"That's 'Queen Chrysalis' to you, but nopony seems to know that."

Twilight shrugged, "Whatever you say, Chrysalis."

"This has got to be the worst day ever," Cadence groaned upon seeing the undisguised changeling queen. "First Sombra and now you? Who's next, Nightmare Moon?!"

Celestia shook her head, "No, Nightmare Moon stayed at the castle."

Cadence's jaw dropped.

"Kidding!" Celestia giggled. She then paused to think about what her niece had said. "Sombra's back?!"

The two other alicorns nodded their heads solemnly. Sombra's hooves waved unenthusiastically as he struggled against Twilight’s magical bonds. His eyes darted from alicorn to alicorn to alicorn to changeling.

“Why can’t he just stay at the castle?” Chrysalis rolled her eyes. “I mean, you’ve already got Discord and I there. Another pony shouldn’t be too much trouble.”

Cadence deadpanned. “He enslaved the entire Crystal Empire before causing it to disappear for a thousand years.”

“Gotcha. Bad idea.”

“Actually, though I never thought I’d say this, but Chrysalis is right.” Twilight smiled knowingly at Celestia. “But on one condition: Sombra rooms with…”

“…Hello, Roommate!!!” Discord grinned at the grey unicorn in front of him. He couldn’t wait to stay up late talking about nachos, pizza, and marshmallows while they did each other’s hair, and tell scary stories about pudding monsters that ate entire islands and filled up entire ponds (it would be oceans but he was on a budget) and the stories would have an undermining romantic arc which would end in a pudding war during the great dark chocolate ages in which the two main characters would profess their eternal love for each other before dying from their mortal wounds (that they gave each other using pudding spears) only to learn that one cannot date another in the afterlife! It would then be followed by a sequel in which the marshmallow monsters decided to eat New York but choked on the Big Apple. The stories would then be turned into movies where everyone who watched it would say “the book was sooo much better”, so they would have to actually write the books and Sombra could illustrate the stories by doing silly charades at two thirty-seven in the morning while Discord tried to translate his motions into story form. It would be so awesome!

Sombra however, could not believe his bad luck. Of all the worst things that could happen, this was the! Worst! Possible! Thing!

Episode 3

Discord gestured from side to side as he led a very reluctant Sombra on a tour of Canterlot Castle. "To the left you can see a stained glass window depicting moi, to your right you can find the royal kitchens—memorize location for midnight snack raids later—and on your other left you can see a slightly sleep deprived princess of the night. Oh, hey Luna!”

Princess Luna yawned loudly and very unpricessly. “Good morrow to thou too, Discord. What awful pranks hath thou wrought in mine absence?”

Discord grinned. “Oh just, you know, replaced Tia’s shampoo with pink hair dye. Nothing too ‘life-threatening’. Or sanity threatening, for that matter.”

“Thy shalt hope not!” Luna grinned. “Although, thou mightest want to looketh for a new home. Our dear sister doth hate having her coat a pinkish hue. ‘Twas why we were locked in thine own moon for so long.”

Both Sombra and Discord gaped at Luna. “Really?”

“No.”

The three (Okay, two. Sombra doen’t count.) burst out laughing. Their laughter reached the ears of none other than Chrysalis, the changeling queen, who really had nothing better to do than to go investigate the laughter. Her hole-filled hooves stomped their way up to the two other ex-villans and alicorn.

“What are you three girls giggling at?” Chrysalis asked. “And at this hour?”

Luna grinned. “Tis not a late hour for us, as we are thine princess of the night! Plus, ‘tis no later than eleven.”

Discord rolled his eyes. “C’mon, Sombrey. We have appointments at midnight.”

“Huh?” Sombra growled. “What are you talking about?”

“Midnight snack raids. Duh.”

Sombra grumbled to himself (something about crystals, shadows, and slaves) as the draconequus dragged him back to the kitchen. Chrysalis and Luna chuckled at his misery.

“So.” Chrysalis attempted to make conversation with the alicorn princess beside her. “Boys, huh?”

“Can’t understand them.”

Luna snorted at Chrysalis’ reply: “Nopony can.”