Night's Twilight

Touring around Ponyville hadn’t been as bad as I had been expecting. It had been a lot worse. After meeting with an energetic pink pony that seemed to defy all laws of physics, I came to realize that being a newcomer in a small town was bound to draw vast amounts of attention. Attention was what I did not want. Thankfully, Treble somehow managed to convince the pink purveyor of parties not to throw me a welcome celebration, lest I die from being forced to socialize. I was more than grateful for my friend’s defense—but even that only went so far.

The pink pony—I had to recall she had said her name was Pinkie Pie—followed us and became my unofficial tour guide of Ponyville. Every single structure we passed was graced with an excited story from Pinkie about who lived there and some random fact about said ponies, shortly followed by ‘I think you’d be great friends with them!’. Apparently I was destined to make a lot of friends here. I briefly pondered once more how painful suicide would be.

“So what do you do for fun, Nighty? Can I call you Nighty? Treble’s been talking about you nonstop for days, but he never told me anything about you!” Pinkie babbled on. It was like the pony had no off switch to her energy. She just kept going and going and going…

“I’m sure you can relate to the excited, incessant chatter,” I remarked, a touch of sarcasm in my voice. Pinkie either disregarded or had no idea what I had said. She just kept bouncing along beside me, her blue eyes full of energy and mirth. “I’m a writer. Or want to be a writer.”

Pinkie giggled and flashed me a humongous smile. “Want to be a writer? That’s silly talk! If you wanna be a writer, then go for it! You just gotta take a leap of faith and do it!”

I made a dramatic motion of rolling my eyes. “It’s a little more difficult than that. I need to find a publisher that likes what I do first.”

“Well, everypony loves books, so how hard could that be?”

“More so than you’d think…”

Pinkie continued to speak, but her words fell on deaf ears. I let the conversation slip away from me while I followed my ambitious tour guides through the town and into the marketplace. Booths and stalls filled with an assortment of goods and local produce were manned by the inhabitants, all shouting eagerly to try and attract business to themselves. It reminded me of the annual farmer’s market back in Canterlot, although I was sure this was the norm for Ponyville.

“Ooooh, and this over here is—”

“Heya, Applejack!” Treble called out, cutting Pinkie off as he waved to the orange pony beside an apple cart.

“Howdy there, Pinkie, Treble!” Applejack said with a wave back to us. Her keen emerald eyes fell on me next. “Howdy, stranger! I ain’t seen you ‘round these parts before. First time in Ponyville?”

“Yeah, I’m visiting from out of town,” I replied. “My name’s Night Writer.”

“Nighty here is friends with Treble. He’s gonna be staying with us,” Pinkie explained in all her merriment.

Treble nodded and gave me a playful nudge with his shoulder. “Yeah, poor old Night just hit a bit of a rough patch back home and needed to get away for a while.”

All I could do was roll my shoulders in a half-hearted shrugged. “You could say that…”

Applejack’s eyes lit up as she darted over and began shaking my hoof so vigorously that I could’ve sworn I felt the earth shake beneath me. Or maybe that was just my body flailing. “It’s mighty fine to make your acquaintance, Night! I’m Applejack! I run Sweet Apple Acres over yonder. Got some of the finest apples around, if I do say so myself!”

“I-It’s a p-pleasure to m-meet y-you, Applej-jack,” I said in amongst the earthquake greeting. It felt like my eyes were rolling around in my head after she had let go, the world tossing and tumbling around in my brain. “You own Sweet Apple Acres? I’ve had your cider before, back in Canterlot.”

Passion sparked in Applejack’s eyes the likes of which I had very rarely seen before. “Well, shoot! If you think our cider exports are good, you need to try some from the source!”

Before I could even bat an eyelash, Applejack snagged one of the ripest apples from her cart and shoved the fruit into my mouth. I gave a muffled sound of protest, my mind reeling as it tried to catch up to what was happening. The only way to keep the fruit from suffocating me was to bite. I bit down on the fruit obstructing my airway. My teeth sank through the crisp skin of the apple with an audible crunch.

Sweet, juicy flavor I had never experienced before rolled over my tongue, mesmerizing me with its luscious taste. Never in all my life had I tasted anything so full of flavor! I stood dumbstruck, holding the half-eaten apple in my hoof as I stared off blankly into space and drifted into a state of ecstasy.

The sound of Pinkie and Treble giggling brought me back down to earth. Applejack had a self-satisfied smirk on her muzzle, standing with her legs crossed in casual fashion in front of one another.

“Well? What’d I tell ya? Are they somethin’ or what?”

All I could do was glance down at the fruit in my grasp. I levitated it with my magic and took another generous bite from the ripe flesh. “Words fail me.”

“Wow! You made the writer speechless! What a feat!” Treble declared with a laugh.

“Always happy to bring a smile to somepony’s face. Now what was that about writin’?”

“Oh, Nighty is gonna be a world famous author!” Pinkie declared with a jubilant and dramatic wave of her hooves in the air.

I could feel my face flush with warmth. I wiped the stray apple from my mouth, swallowing down the fruit. “Let’s not get carried away. I’m just trying to write something half-decent and get noticed.”

Applejack tapped her chin in passive thought. “Say, if he’s a writer, I bet he’d just love to see the library!”

“Ooooh, that’s a great idea, Applejack!” said Pinkie, all but bouncing with excitement.

“You have a library?”

“Of course, silly! What sort of town doesn’t have a library? I mean, ponies love books, so where there are ponies, there’s books! Duh!”

“Yeah, what did you think we were, Nighty? A bunch of backwoods hicks?” Treble asked with a joking punch on my shoulder. His special brand of love was beginning to leave me with a dull ache.

I decided on holding my tongue instead of answering that question. In all honesty, I had expected something along those lines. I hadn’t spent any extended periods of time in a town like Ponyville before and had no idea what to and what not to expect from it.

A library… The notion interested me. I was reminded of the massive libraries back in Canterlot, of their high bookshelves and quiet studies. I had spent many hours in there, drawing solace from the peace of literature. It was the only place I had felt safe. Books never hurt anypony, after all. I didn’t expect anything like that from Ponyville’s library, but at least I’d still have access to books and resources, however minuscule it may be.

Treble nudged me again, gentler this time. “So whaddaya say, buddy? Feel like checking it out?”

“Library…” I couldn’t come up with an excuse not to. “…Yeah, sure. Why not?”

“Then follooooow meeeee!” Pinkie sang out while cartwheeling down the road. Treble and I followed shortly behind.

“You be sure to come by the farm sometime and I’ll give you the grand tour. Y’all say hi to Twi for me!” Applejack called out after us as we left the marketplace. I glanced back at the orange pony as we rounded a corner. She was one of the friendliest ponies I had ever met. Definitely a different breed from the often uptight citizens of Canterlot. Genuine character like hers was a rare commodity back home. If everypony here was like that, perhaps it wouldn’t be such a terrible trip after all.

“Who or what is ‘Twi’?” I asked.

Treble Clef looked over to me when I spoke up. “Oh, she’s the librarian here. Really nice filly. Kinda neurotic, sorta obsessive compulsive, and way weird at times. I think you two will get along well, actually.”

“Is that a shot at me, Treb?”

He cast an innocuous grin my way. I had seen it enough times before to know the façade when I saw it. “Me take a shot at you? Never!”

“All right, let’s go see what this place is all about.”

Golden Oak Library, the sole source of literature in all of Ponyville, was pretty much how its name made it sound. It wasn’t a cute little metaphor or trope. The library was in all actuality a massive oak tree sitting near the far edge of Ponyville. The homely looking building looked more like the residence of a nature enthusiast than an establishment of information and the written word. Hell, I had never even heard of a pony living in a tree before now. I tried to keep an open mind, even as I was forced to trudge up to the door behind my two guides.

Along the way, we had come to several more stops where I had been enthusiastically introduced to every single pony we passed, all courtesy of Pinkie Pie. It seemed like she was determined to find some sort of recompense for not being able to throw me a party, and a tour that would have put the celebrity walk of Canterlot to shame was to be my sanction. All the while my treacherous friend left me to the wolves. Treble would laugh whenever he saw me get pulled aside by a pink blur to meet somepony new. I must’ve learned two dozen different names today. I swore he and Pinkie were in cahoots to try and pester me to death. I could already picture how that obituary would look in the paper. Two-bit writer annoyed to death, none mourn.

I took another long look at the outside of the library cast in the warm sunset as Pinkie pushed the door inward and Treble ushered me inside. Despite my reservations, I had to give credit where credit was due. The library was much larger inside than I had anticipated. Every single wall of the hollowed-out tree had been turned into bookshelves. Each one was filled to capacity with every kind of book imaginable. A few old tables lay across the room, also covered in books and papers. A set of winding stairs ran up alongside the wall to a second story. A door at the far side of the library hinted that the space was far greater than I had originally assumed.

“Are you insane, Twi?!” a boisterous voice cracked. My gaze turned to a unicorn and pegasus across the library, both fillies engaged in what I could only describe as a lively debate. “There’s no way Daring Do would have forgotten the location of the seven jewels of Quetzalcoatl! Not when they’d mean the end of the world as we know it! She’s not stupid!”

“But you’re forgetting the amnesia spell Ahuizotl’s warlock cast on her in book five,” the unicorn refuted, her voice calm whereas the pegasus seemed to be getting more and more worked up by the second. “It was never proven that she ever fully recovered her memories after Doctor Silvermane healed her. Your argument is an ad hominem, Rainbow. Where are your facts?”

“Knock knock!” Pinkie Pie called out as she bounced across the floor. “Heya Twilight! Heya Dashie!”

Both ponies looked up with a start, noticing that they were no longer the only ones in the library. I tried to surreptitiously step around past Treble Clef to browse through the shelves of books before I got pulled into another meet-and-greet. Many of them appeared to be informational textbooks and other scientific research tools. The fiction and fantasy section was a little nook of shelves, and romance and poetry were even smaller. It was obvious that the purveyor of the library favored the logical world over the creative, despite the fervent debate around A.K. Yearling’s masterpieces going on. It was not what I had expected.

“Oh, heya Pinks!” the pegasus replied with a wave. “Didn’t hear ya come in.”

“I’m sorry about that, guys. Rainbow and I were just discussing the newest Daring Do rumors.”

“That’s okay,” Treble replied. “Actually, we just stopped by because I wanted you to meet somepony.”

I had just walked past the fiction section when an unseen force tugged me backward from behind. The next thing I knew, I was spun around and found myself face-to-face with the widest, most stunning pair of purple eyes I had ever encountered. The unicorn mare looked just as surprised as I felt to be thrust into what I assumed looked reminiscent of a cliché from a romance movie. My head spun from the pseudo-abduction. A pink hoof draped over my shoulder casually and I knew who the perpetrator had been.

“Twilight, meet Night Writer! He’s Treble’s friend from Canterlot. Night, Twilight! Hehe you both have similar names and love books. It’s like you’re twinsies!”

For one tense moment all I could do was stare. I was stunned, taken completely aback. I had avoided looking over the two when we had entered. Now that I was forced up close to Twilight I could see every detail of her. Her eyes reflected a sheen of curiosity and warmth behind the rich violet irises, hinting to astute intelligence and intuition. I wasn’t used to being this close to anypony.

The expression on her face changed from one of intrigue to a welcoming smile and she extended her hoof towards me. “How do you do, Night Writer.” Her voice was melodious and kind. I could feel the gears in my brain working to try and respond. “My name is Twilight Sparkle.”

My head buzzed with white noise like static as if it were trying to reboot itself. I became aware that I had opened my mouth to speak, but no words had come out. I was standing there, slack-jawed, no doubt looking like an idiot. In a dire attempt to save some face, I lifted a hoof to hers, taking it with such delicate care while doing my best to keep a tremor out of my leg as we shook hooves. I somehow managed a lopsided smile and chuckled nervously under my breath.

“Uh… ”

My tongue felt three sizes too big for my mouth. I was choking on my own words. The room became uncomfortably stifling. Twilight arched a brow. I wondered for a moment if she was considering whether or not I was mentally ill. After swallowing back the frog in my throat, I fought tooth and nail to recover from the awkward state I was drowning in.

“Hello,” I said, my voice cracking in the middle of the syllables like a pubescent colt. I cleared my throat and gathered myself together again before trying that again. I could already see the beginnings of a smirk crossing her lips. Take three. “H-Hello. Pleased to meet you, Miss Sparkle.”

Twilight giggled, her persisting smile making it that much harder to breathe right. “Twilight will be fine.”

“Twilight,” I repeated, a smile of my own widening across my lips, even though I felt clammy and unwell.

“Ooooh, fresh meat, huh?” the pegasus snickered with a grin before taking my hooves in the most volatile hoofshake I had ever experienced. I swear I felt my shoulder dislocate. “I’m Rainbow Dash, new guy. Most daring pony in all of Ponyville!”

“Nice to meet you too, Rainbow Dash,” I said, unable to help the sideways glance back to Twilight.

“So what brings you to Ponyville, Night?” Twilight asked with a tip of her head. “Not a lot of ponies from Canterlot come down here for vacations.”

I almost choked on my twisted tongue again when I went to speak. For some reason my brain did not want me communicating tonight. It was too busy focusing on my shallow breathing and the tingling numbness threatening to send me face-first into the floor. I felt Treble give me a surreptitious nudge to break me out of my daze.

“Nighty’s here because he’s gonna write a book!” Pinkie answered before I could. For once, I was glad Pinkie had interrupted and saved me. Granted, it wasn’t the answer I would have given, but far be it from me to beat the fast-talking pony to the punch in my current state.

Twilight’s brow furrowed and she looked befuddled. “You’re writing a book about Ponyville?”

I felt my face warm a little as I rubbed the back of my head, nervous tension constricting my insides. “Heh, uh, not exactly… More like any book. I’m trying to become a writer. Or hoping, at least. I’m just looking for the right inspiration.”

“Well, I hope you find what you’re looking for in Ponyville. It might not be much, but that’s kind of the beauty in it. Simple, but somehow perfect.”

“Yeah, I think I’m beginning to get that,” I said in subconscious reply, smiling to Twilight.

“Twi, do you think you could help me find a rhyming dictionary or something? I’ve been having a hard time finding the right words for my songs,” asked Treble, stepping up to her. Twilight’s eyes snapped to him in an instant and she gave a brisk nodded.

“Of course, Treble! I think I have a couple of books that you might find useful.” With that, she led the unicorn through the library and into another room.

Once they had left, I sat in stupefied shock on the floor, breathing slow and hard. That had been intense—ludicrously so for just meeting a pony. What the hell had just happened? I had never experienced anything quite like that before. My heart was thumping strong and powerful within my chest, threatening to burst through my ribcage at a moment’s notice. Nervous butterflies filled my churning stomach. A thrill of excitement sparked in my brain the likes of which I hadn’t felt in my entire life. What was this? I chalked it up to overloading my socialization threshold. I was not a social pony, and after having met an entire town in one day, I was feeling overwhelmed. Surely that was it. It made perfect sense.

That was when I saw pink obscure my vision.

“Heeey, Nighty! Equestria to Nighty!” Pinkie called out, waving a hoof in front of my face. “Has somepony got a case of the butterflies?”

I blinked my eyes several times in rapid succession. “…Huh?”

“You, silly!” said Pinkie with a giggle. “Your face went all weird and your mouth just kinda hung there. And when you started making up words… hehehe! What was that all about?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Rainbow Dash teased from the air. The wicked grin on her face didn’t spell good news for me. “I think I know what’s going on here…”

Realizing just how obvious that slip had been, I mentally chastised myself. I rid myself of the temporary paralysis incapacitating me with a shake of my head. “Nothing. It was nothing. I just don’t do well meeting lots of new ponies. It’s just me being a silly pony…”

Treble returned with a book floating in the air beside him, and Twilight soon after. I became very aware that I hadn’t moved from this spot since they’d left and hurried to rejoin Treble, lest I look like even more of an idiot frozen in place.

“All right, well, it’s getting late. We’d better be heading back,” said Treble, casting a quick look my way. The look in his eyes said it all. I was going to be in for an interrogation that would put the police to shame. “Thanks again for the book, Twi! I’ll try to have it back on time this time around.”

“I won’t hold my breath. I’ve seen your late fees before, Trouble Clef,” Twilight teased and gave me a smile and a wave as we headed for the door. “Thanks for stopping by! It was very nice meeting you, Night Writer!”

I gave her my best, most inconspicuous smile back and returned her gesture. “Likewise, Miss Sparkle— Twilight, sorry! I’ll, uh… I’ll be back later… or tomorrow… or some time… or, uh, well… bye!”

I could feel the inferno burn beneath my cheeks while I tried my hardest not to imagine how much of a klutz I must have looked like. This is why I kept to myself. I followed Treble back down the path towards his home. That was when I heard him snicker beside me, but didn’t register it until I felt a forceful nudge at my shoulder. He was really starting to get on my nerves with the physical attention.

“Huh? Uh, what?” I snapped back to the real world. The smirk on Treble’s muzzle couldn’t have been any more accusatory if he were a cop and I was on Canterlot’s Most Wanted list. “…What?”

“’What’? Really?” He sniggered again and motioned with his head back to the library. “What was all that about? I’ve never seen you act like that before!”

I felt my cheeks burn for the umpteenth time today, my ears pinning to my head while the embarrassment clutched at my insides. “I, uh, it’s nothing…”

Treble Clef could not have given a more disbelieving look if he tried. “Uh-huh… yeah, okay. I know that’s a load of bull.”

I flinched inwardly. I knew my lie had been weak, but at the moment, my mind wasn’t quite working on my side anymore. In fact, it wasn’t even working anymore. It was filled with butterflies and books and the burning flush under my face. “It’s nothing, really. I think I’m just tired from meeting so many new ponies.”

Treble still didn’t look convinced. “Come on, Nighty, even that’s a stretch for a storyteller like you.”

“No, seriously. You know I don’t do socializing much anymore.”

“You’re lyyyying.”

“I’m not lying!”

“You’re totally lying!”

“Well, I’d like to see you react any differently if you were dragged around all day doing something you hate, meeting all sorts of bakers and teachers and apple ponies and being shoved into cute librarians,” I remarked much more defensively than I meant to sound. “I swear, it’s like you conspired to completely throw me out of my comfort zone as fast as you could!”

“No, I swear, none of this was planned. I’m sorry, I didn’t think it’d be that bad for you.” That was when I saw Treble raise a brow. “So Twilight’s cute, is she?”

I opened my mouth to retort and realized just what I had said. Crap… The Freudian slip had screwed me. All at once, the heat under my skin seemed to turn into a blazing wildfire. Treble gave a raucous laugh, no doubt at my chagrin.

“Awwwww, Nighty’s got a crush!” he sang out with exuberant glee.

“Shh! No I don’t,” I refuted much too fast to be convincing. I ducked my head a little. “I just… Ugh! So she took me off guard. It doesn’t mean anything. I don’t even know if I like her at all. I don’t know anything about her, or anypony here! I don’t have any feelings on the matter at all. I’m completely apathetic to her and Ponyville.”

“Sounds to me like you do!”

“No, I don’t! I can’t. And I won’t. End of story.”

Treble Clef’s good humor died on the spot. He gave me a sympathetic stare that stung to the core. I knew what he was thinking behind those sad eyes. He knew what was going on. He knew the hurt better than anypony else.

“Always on guard, huh, pal?”

I just gave a short, sharp nod of my head. My eyes darkened. “Romance is good for nothing.”

Treble cocked his head and asked, “Even if it means making life better?”

“It could also make it much worse…”

“You won’t know till you try.”

“I’m not trying anything.”

“Why not?”

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t think of an acceptable one. I simply kept my head low and eyes straight ahead at the ground in front of my hooves as we walked. Treble gave a soft sigh and stared up at the darkening sky. The first few traces of stars could be seen dotting the shadowy blue heavens overhead, signaling the coming night.

“You know, I think I’m getting an idea for a song,” he said after a moment.

I rolled my eyes and gave a quiet scoff. “If it’s about me, I really don’t want to hear it right now…”

“Maybe I’ll write a whole album based on you being so uptight and reserved. Seriously, when did my lively, passionate friend become such an introvert?”

“When I got a reality check…”

“Oh yeah, I’m totally feeling a song coming on.”

Treble began to hum a soft tune under his breath, still sending smirks my way. I groaned and rolled my eyes again. I knew Treble wasn’t going to let this go any time soon. Between him and everything else, this was shaping up to be a very long trip.

In the quiet of the night, I sat silent and pensive at my workspace, candlelight casting the desk in a warm glow. It also sprawled long, dark shadows in every direction that seemed to loom like shades around me. My tired eyes stared fixated down at the blank sheet of paper in front of my nose. Despite my most sincere attempts, nothing came to me.

How long had I been at this now? An hour? Two? I glanced up at the clock on the wall and realized it had been four. It was two thirty in the morning and I didn’t feel inspired, just exhausted. As it had been for most of my life now, insomnia plagued me to no end. Where the night had been my muse once upon a time, it now only served as a grim reminder of what I was lacking and left me alone with my demons in an endless self-destructive cycle.

I tapped the quill against the paper, watching the ink splatter across its surface. Long, dark splotches pooled together into miniature lakes of liquid black on the previously unmarred sheet. I could swear I almost heard it mocking me, laughing at my inability to put it to its intended purpose.

I slammed the quill down on the desk with a frustrated groan and buried my face in my hooves. While I hadn’t expected much from the first few nights in Ponyville, I had at least hoped that maybe the open air and tranquil lifestyle would give me an inkling of a brainstorm. It turned out I was just as hopelessly stuck as I was back in Canterlot.

“What is this? You call this writing?”

“You can’t hope to make anything of yourself with something like this!”

“Why don’t you actually do something useful instead of throwing your life away?”

My eyes squeezed shut tight, trying to drown out the voices in my head. I bit my lip hard until I tasted blood. A cold tremor ran through my body, rocking me straight through to the core. I could see my place back in Canterlot behind my eyelids. I was back on that cold day. It was dark, and the sound of rain falling outside seemed to put me back into a trance. My heart ached as I unwittingly dredged the memory from the depths of my mind.

I lost it. With a cry of distress and irritation, I brought my hoof across the desk, sending the papers scattering through the air like a flurry of leaves falling from their branches. I heard the quill rapping against the floor as it made contact, ending up somewhere out of sight. I couldn’t bear to look at the tools of my trade when all they did was taunt me. I rose from the chair and paced around the room. I felt anxious, like an animal trapped in a cage that I just could not escape from. Celestia knew it wasn’t for lack of trying.

I gave a harsh snort, thankful that Treble Clef’s bedroom was at the other end of the hall. I would have felt terrible if my outbursts had disturbed him. I should have better control of myself. Lock it all away and feel nothing. Let nopony in, and nopony can hurt you. And as it had been for a long time, there was just me. I was left to my own devices in the ungodly hours of the morning. The room that had first felt comfortable and cozy had become oppressive in my vexed state. I had to get past this. There was no other answer and no more excuses. I trotted over to the window and pushed it open, letting some cool air into the stuffy room.

I took a deep breath and held it in until it hurt, trying to identify all the scents on the breeze before my lungs gave out. Apples, wildflowers, and the faint scent of moist grass greeted my nose. It was a far cry to the smell of the city I had grown used to in Canterlot. I released the captured breath slowly past my lips, hoping some of the tension would slip away with it. The night greeted me with sparse streetlights providing the only illumination across the sleepy town.

It had not even occurred to me before that I could see the library from my bedroom window. Treble Clef’s house faced down one of Ponyville’s few larger streets. It just so happened to lead right to the tall oak tree. I could see its silhouette clear in the iridescent light of the moon and the street lamps. The inside was dark, not much of a surprise at this hour.

I leaned on the windowsill for longer than I could recount, staring out across the way at the library while my thoughts ran rampant. My eyes only ever shifted from it to glance up at the starry sky above my head. I never got to see the heavens quite so clearly as I could now. For all the damning I had unjustly bestowed on this town, Ponyville just continued to surprise me. It was different—a good kind of different, I think.

My thoughts threatened to drift back into dangerous territory. I forced them back with another snort. What was I doing? Feelings were dangerous. They did more harm than good. Hadn’t I learned my damn lesson the first time around? Apparently not. The irony was a bittersweet kind of humor. I must have been an idiot…

But for all my mental jarring, my brain still wandered back—back to the shelves of musty old textbooks, the impeccable stacks of fiction, and the mulberry mare that reigned over them all like a princess in her kingdom. Why did she leave such a lasting impression on me? That other pony, Applejack, she had been just as friendly, and Pinkie Pie took the cake when it came to dazzling first impressions. I could recall at least a dozen others that had greeted me with smiles and accepting warmth. So why did Twilight Sparkle haunt my mind like a ghost in the middle of Luna’s nights?

It didn’t matter. I wasn’t going to fraternize with these ponies. I had gone out of my way to isolate myself before I had even gotten here. Solitude affords no ill company, after all. That had been my mantra for longer than I cared to recount. It was a legitimate strategy. The more alone I was, the safer I could keep myself. But the more forlorn I became, the less and less my ideas seemed to flow. Like a river drying up in a heat wave, I could feel myself burning out.

I threw myself away from the window with a groan of displeasure and collapsed onto the bed. The soft sheets and bouncy mattress greeted my body. Once I had stopped bouncing in place, I settled into staring up at the ceiling. My eyes traced the lines in the wood overhead while more feelings of self-loathing flittered through me. I couldn’t go on like this. If I couldn’t come up with ideas on my own, I’d have to spark them from some other outlet.

The library was the first thing to spring to mind. Books were a great wealth of knowledge and inspiration. I had oft-taken some of my better ideas from referencing other great authors. Perhaps I could find the match that would ignite something in me. Maybe Twilight would have some ideas on where to start…

No! Stop! Time out!

I shot up like a bullet and made a violent shake of my head to rid the smiling mare’s face from my mind by force. No! No, I wouldn’t do this. My head hit the pillows again with a soft thud, but try as I might, the library and its librarian remained on the periphery of my imagination, teasing my curiosity all the way through the gamut of emotions from annoyance to intrigue to exhaustion. It wasn’t long before I felt the warm embrace of sleep tugging at the corners of my brain, lulling me into an uneasy relaxation.

I still didn’t know how I should have been taking any of this. But as I slipped gently out of consciousness, it didn’t matter. That library was the only thing that lingered on the fringes of my restless mind.