Just a Dae dreamer

by theoddone

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Comedy
Length: 22841

human in equestia, i dont really know how else to describe it, read if you want to

How do you know you're an ordinary guy? you cant compere yourself to others beacause you dont know if they're ordinary. so how do you tell?
Anyway an ordinary guy named Jonathan Dae ends up in equestia some how and might have to do… stuff. Seriously i have no idea what im doing this was all impulsive but i do plan to follow through. So if you think you're interested then just read it.
First fic so i really dont know how to handle this. No proof reader. No editor. So yeah I'm all on my own here.
I know I suck at gramma so you're aren't going get anywhere by complaining about it but feel free if want.
Oh yeah, theres NO shipping and NO romance (at least no humanxpony, i haven't decided on the rest yet). I have nothing specificly agaisnt it, it's just not for me. No offence.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-04 18:32:41 UTC

chapter 1

The lush golden blades of grass felt crisp under my bare feet. As I walked around I saw that I was surrounded by this unusual field which stretched as far as I could see but it was the horizon that really struck me.

The sky was completely black; I mean pure starless night black with absolutely no light. In fact it may have been the work of the contrast but it seemed like all the light was coming from the ground. It was like standing on one of those artist’s light board things only it had golden grass growing from it.

Startled by an oddly soft but strong bell like sound, I turned to see something off in the distance. It soon made me realized that the meadow was the second weirdest thing here. I think the thing was an animal of some kind... maybe, it was relatively formless like a solid cloud that coincidentally looked like something.

It was as white as snow, with four... I'm guessing... legs? That somehow allowed it to walk without disturbing a single blade of grass, a swan like neck with a softly featured head that housed a pair of bright lavender orbs.

It had three... um... extra bits that I had to tilt my head at, as if for some reason it would help me understand this peculiar spectre. The first protrusion was coming from what I assumed was a forehead with a shape so sharp it was cutting through the blackness of the sky.

The other two were placed on either side and while they started off relatively solid but softly dissipated at the edges. As it moved I noticed that it seemed to leave a multi pastel coloured smoke trail which kind of reminded me of an angel fish swiming.

Then it noticed me and as it slowly started to unaggressive wonder towards me. The world seemed to shimmer and if I had to put a feeling to it I would say it was like a computer reloading an image.

‘WEEEOH! WEEEOH!’ The alarms were almost deafening as these flashing red lights suddenly rose from the ground as if they were buried there for some reason. If you were to ask why I ran at that moment I wouldn’t be able to tell you but I did.

Now don’t get me wrong, it didn’t seem dangerous nor did it move in some threatening way and it wasn't like I was afraid of it for some inexplicable reason. In fact I wasn't scared at all, not of that thing or this place but I still turned and ran.

The next footstep I took was in sand. I stopped and looked around; the entire golden field was now a silver desert and yet I wasn't scared or even the least bit concerned at the sudden scene transition.

Like the field this place had a short of ‘feeling’ to it. The field had kind of feeling liking to having a hot drink on a cold day, invigorating but relaxing at the same time. The desert on the other hand was more like the cool side of a pillow meeting a hot ear, a relaxing serenity that readied you for sleep.

The white creature wasn't here but in its stead stood another. This one had the same relative shape only it was slightly smaller and it a different colour scheme. Where the other was white, this one was a shade of midnight blue so dark it would almost blend into the sky if it wasn't for the sparkling blue trail it left.

The orbs were just as bright as the other’s, though instead they were green. I had to shield my eyes from the spotlight like light as its gaze shifted to me. When it began to approach me the world shimmered again only this one was more violent. ‘WEEEOH! WEEEOH!’ The alarms rose up again, they sounded louder this time almost angry.

For some reason I decided it to start running again but as I turned I tripped on a blue plastic bucket and fell into the blackness.

I woke with a thud as my body bounced in my bed just like it does when I wake from one of my falling dreams. It doesn’t happen often and usually the cause was always something small like pavement not laid right or in this case a bucket.

I learned that I managed to wake up just before my alarm had the chance to go off which has always been my favourite way to wake up. Not so early it lets me think I could get another five minutes but not late enough to get jolted up by the alarm. I felt it had a nice balance to it and I always liked it better if there was a pattern to things which is the main reason I always snack and sneeze in twos.

I itched myself as I sleepily walk to the bathroom for my morning relief. I realised that if I leaned against the wall just right I could fall back asleep and just let gravity do the job for me. After I brushed my teeth and the minty freshness fully slapped me awake, I got dressed and headed to the kitchen to get some breakfast.

I idly turned the TV on though it was really just to have some sound while I ate my cereal which I always have dry and drink the milk separate.

When I was done with breakfast I got my work clothes together and spent half an hour doing nothing. After snacking on a couple of carrots and taking a swig of diet coke I headed out for the bus stop.

I was greeted with a grey sky and strong winds which made putting my thick brown coat on a bit of a task. It also made flying difficult for some birds that were sort of reduced to hovering in one spot.

The bus was late as to be expected, making my standard five minute space I give myself completely futile. While on the bus I let my mind wonder thinking back to the dream had. Now truth be told it wasn't the weirdest one I’ve had.

That title belonged to the one were all forms of transportation were being carried on the backs of normal sized turtles which for some reason four out of six were evil. Then I was in the army to fight wild hamburgers, the one that was chained up for study broke free and attacked me.

As for the creatures, they were same level as the lava girl with big gauntlets and a lion’s tail who hatched out of a lamp. Just below them was the Great Dane that had the fur and tail of a fox. ‘Eh the two were probably remains from my pokemon days’ I shrugged to myself giving it no second thought.

While on the bus I contemplated general existence and perception. ‘Well can’t it be said that all things exist just not on the same level as our perception’ I thought to myself as the bus hummed, stopping to let people get on or off.

‘I mean our minds make the world around us by what our senses perceive and if something altered that information, then there’s no real difference between that and altering reality. Hell for all we know it could be the other way round and it’s our minds shaping reality though isn’t that what a dream is?’ I paused asking myself a question that I have no answer for but still found it fun to think about.

‘So when a thing is imagined isn’t it pulled into that level of existence? When you imagine how it looks, sounds, feels, smells and even tastes. How is that any different to anything else that exists? So considering those thoughts, can’t the notion of non-existence be compared to the notion of Impossibility? Where the only factor that prevents them from being negated is time? Something thought of impossible becomes possible as soon as someone figures out how to do it and something can only be non-existent if no one has imagined it yet’

I managed to snap myself out of things just as my stop came up, I got off the bus, made my way to work and seeing how it’s completely mind-numbing I’ll use this time to explain myself... and maybe think about time travel.

Hi my name is Jonathan Dae, I'm 23 years old, british, brownish blond, depending on the light my eyes are either blue or green and I live on my own in a simple flat. My life is your regular life nothing special, with no particular hardships that I care to remember or at least want to consider hardships. I mean there’s always someone who’s worse off so what right do I have to complain?

I'm a boring person, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t go out with friends and when it comes to friends I really don’t have any. I mean I’ve had friends but I sort of grew out of them or simply failed to stay in contact and I just never bothered to make new ones. It wasn't as if I’m antisocial or anything like that.

I get along quite well with people, at work I even joke around with them but in the end they’re just people I work with and I have no problem with that. Although I do remember that even when I tried to be in a group of friends I always felt sort of detachable, like I had an air of unnoticeably around me.

Seriously I could be in a group of friends in town and I could leave, go to the toilet and grab two sausage rolls from the local pastry shop. I would then come back to the group and they would think I somehow magically materialised the rolls to my hands.

I don’t know why this happens, it just does. Maybe I’m simply too lazy to make friends or to make any noticeable contribution to the group but I do know it does a number on the self-esteem.

Anyway my work mostly consists of clearing and cleaning tables as well as cleaning anything that a restaurant (that’s a part of a general home store) uses to serve food. Yeah it really does say something when the bus ride is the most exciting part of my day.

I left my work stuff in my locker before leaving. It’s Monday and I washed them yesterday so there’s no need to worry about it yet. I stopped by the pastry shop while walking to the town bus stop and picked up two slices of ham and pineapple pizza to tie me over until I got home.

Oh if you can’t tell yet I have a decent appetite. I honestly don’t know why I'm not as big as a house, I'm 6’2 with a broad build and I am overweight but not enough to be considered fat, I think.

My bus ride home was uneventful as usual but as I got off I noticed the name that some buses have just above its door. This one was apparently called ‘Royal Sovereign’ though it wasn't coolest one; there was this one the bus called ‘Iron Duke’. Another was called ‘Emperor’ at which point I imagined me riding a flying Caesar like a surf board, though I don’t think it would end well because I'm terrified of heights and can’t surf.

The bus also had a travel agent add on the back of it. It had a pair of kids who were way too happy at some fake beach, though what really struck me was that one of the creepy kids held a blue plastic bucket.

Well that’s weird though it wasn't the first time, sometimes I dream TV episodes or of a certain situation or conversation and they happen that day. I shrugged it off; I don’t really place any stock in it.

It’s just mild entertainment to break up the day; it doesn’t mean anything to me. I mean if you think about it they’re all explainable, like I could have seen the bus add before, forgot it and my subconscious reminded me.

The weirdness started the second I began to walk home. I felt strange like I was walking in a dream, I couldn’t feel the ground beneath my legs, like I was walking on clouds or a treadmill. A sudden wave of panic came over me as a shiver ran down my spine. I breathed shallowly, my eyes frantically darted around trying to find something that might help.

I stopped walking, feeling like I could stumble over at anytime so I supported myself by placing my hand on a tree. ‘Wait I'm mixing things up; there are no trees on the path to home only lampposts.’

I closed my eyes and held my head in my free left hand in an attempt to keep calm and collect my thoughts but that didnt really do much. On top of it I felt nausea, a lot of it. I was reminded of when I was ten and reading a book I decided to wash my second apple down with a can of diet coke while being driven to grandma’s house. It did not end well.

Concentrating on the solid thing my hand was on, which despite my mind telling it that it was on a lamppost did not change the fact it felt very tree-like. After my queasiness subsided I opted to open my eyes and yes it was in fact a tree with many other trees behind and in front of it.

Looking around I found that I have severely wondered off the beaten path or any form of path for that matter. I’m not the outdoorsy type by any definition, so when I find myself in a foreign forest it’s quite worrying. Especially when you currently have the coordination and the sense of direction of a bat that’s both drunk and deaf.

I stumbled through the forest in a dizzy stupor, everything just a blur as my eyes coul- ‘wait’ my mind warned as a snap sounded ‘Was it me? No... wait, maybe?’ Right now I'm confused. The queasiness returned, extra angry for some reason and my eyes could not focus if my life depended on it, as if they were just rattling in my head.

‘Another Snap!’ My panicked mind alerted me, my eyes darted round this time I caught a blur of yellowy orange. I didn’t know why but I needed to run, I didn’t know why this was a bad orange thing but something call it guts, instinct or whatever. Right now it was the most coherent thought I had and considering what my eyes had just focused on, I really should listen to it.

My queasiness increased as my first thought was ‘why is that gorilla wearing a lion costume?’ Looking past its blood thirsty eyes, sharp fangs, forelegs that looked like the result of massive steroid abuse, crimson mane, showed small batwings and a scorpion’s tail.

‘How the hell is it possible that something is so well designed to kill?’ From its appearance I can assume it’s a strong carnivore with poisonous aspects. Though its wings did look a bit too small to fly but it could probably use them for a speed boost or something.

And that boys and girls is the first time I have ever projectile vomited, the next thing you’ll read is one of my most profound thought I have ever had.

‘RUNNINGRUNNINGRUNNINGRUNNINGRUNNINGRUNNING’

Luckily it must’ve thought that it was some kind of attack and the time it spent rushing itself clean gave me the opportunity. I needed to put some distance between us. I actually felt better after throwing up, clearer if that makes sense or at least clear enough to leg it out of there.

I ran hard, the fastest I’ve ever ran, seriously everything was a blur to me... I mean a good blur not I’m-about-to-puke blur. I didn’t even glance back I just kept running, I mean what else I'm I supposed to do? ‘Climb a tree? IT’S A CAT WITH FREAKING WINGS!’ Using my arms to blast through any branches in my way, then I saw it.

‘Yes!’ a clearing ‘fine-fricking- lee’ my mind elated in hopes that a clearing hopefully led to some form of civilisation. I looked behind myself and saw no sign of the thing; finally things are starting to pick up.

No forest, no lion-gorilla-bat-scorpion thing ‘if it had human head I’ll call it a manticore, I mean the tail fits and I can recall the time I got into mythological creatures when I was a kid, still am though, curiosity and all. I think some versions had wings.

‘In fact you could think of the man face as a ape face and gorillas are apes, hence the lack of tail and whatever it was it did had gorilla features no matter how few though I would of preferred an ape face than bone crushing arms.’

Wait I'm forgetting something... oh yeah, I'm unconscious right now, yep my body just seemed to crash as soon as I was safe. Oh well what can you do? As I drifted out I think I heard a soft “oh my” not that I can do anything about it but you know it’s nice that someone cares.

chapter 2

‘I kicked the car door open narrowly avoiding drowning and after pulling myself out I confronted the two girls responsible. I didn’t know that they did it but I knew I didn’t need to, they where here and by being here means that they are my enemies, there was no more need for information.

My feet touched the street of greyish bricks. My breathing became shallow as my body was now completely dry. The girls wore ordinarily clothes though did seem to contrast each other, one was wearing mostly all white with maybe a hint of pink while the other who was slightly smaller wore black with a bit of blue.

They both stared at me first for a minute or two but then the smaller one rushed at me. I was bigger than her and I knew my surroundings but she was faster and more skilled. I didn’t question it but it made me angry for some reason.

I don’t even like fighting and as she attacked with kicks and punches it was obvious she’s not able hurt me but she just won’t stop. My mind jumped to the conclusion that this meant I’ll have to make her stop. I grabbed her by the arm and tossed her into the car shutting the door.

The taller one began approached me, she had more of a controlled feel to her than the other. She and I locked hands and started to push, she was trying to overpower me, which was something I will not, no, Can not allow to happen. The street was being bathed in a furious crimson glow, it started softer but now the light was as thick as blood.

I gritted my teeth I pushed her to the ground glaring down at her. She was the one who was fighting me they both were! I didn’t start this but I will end it.

I turned to the car with the other girl still inside, I grabbed it putting both hands on each side of the headlights lifting it easily, I was far too angry to care if it was possible. With it now high in my arms and an indescribable feel of complete strength. I looked down to the taller girl, knowing that with just one impulse and everything will be done with but then i realised something.

This wasn’t me.

Why was I even doing this? What was my reason? It felt right but wrong at the same time, like I was thinking two opposite thoughts simultaneously.  Failing to understand what or why this was happening and felling a little morally sick in the pit of my gut, I set the car down as gently as possible.

The black clothed girl immediately got out and rushed to the other’s arms. The harsh red light turned soft white as both stared at me from ground, the one in white gave me a light hardly noticeable half smile. Then they both sort of shimmered into birds with corresponding colours and flew out of sight.

I sighed heavily, I didn’t want to deal with this or with them anymore, let them do whatever they want, in fact let whatever is going to happen happen.

I just realised I was quite literary too tired to care, even though it feels like I spent no energy what so ever. I leaned on the car as the world grew darker around me and muttered to myself “guess it’s time to wake up”

I awoke fairly smoothly. I didn’t want to move or even open my eyes yet, I just wanted to simply exist right now if that makes sense. I paid no attention that I was in fact on a mattress that was way too short for me meaning I was on a bed but not my bed.

I didn’t want to contemplate my dream like I would usually do nor did I want to worry why my butt was currently bare and my underwear and trousers were just beneath it. I will do later when I choose to but not right now.

Instead I just did what I enjoy doing and that was to think. I'm not a smart person, I’ve been told I'm sharp but I know I'm not smart and I have poor GCSEs to prove it. Ever since I was a kid I’ve been interested by creatures of any kind, not in the same sense a vet or an animal carer might be. More rather I was fascinated by the mechanics of them, what they do and how they do it, especially if I found it cool or had a unique name.

I remember looking into mythology as a kid with no prompting from teachers or parents simply because I found it fascinating. Greek, Egyptian, Norse, European, etc... Their creatures, their gods and their heroes it was all so interesting to think about and to draw.

But I'm getting side tracked again, which happens very easily by the way. Lets process some information of what I can remember of what by my perception transpired. ‘Walked from bus stop to home and ended up in an unknown forest.

‘Wait, how? Do I really have that bad of sense of direction? Even if I did, it’s doubtful that I would end up there without any idea how. Ok then so what’s another theory? I could’ve been drugged, that would explain the nausea and the memory gap but if I was then it is also doubtful that I would’ve been left in a forest. Unless it wasn't on purpose, maybe something happened? Maybe I ran while drugged up? But then that begs the question, why me?’

I had no answer. I really am nothing special; there is no reason why anyone would want me specifically. ‘Maybe that’s it, maybe they didn’t want me specifically they just wanted someone and I just happened to be there?’

I couldn’t deny that it made sense but there was one other theory ‘Though it might just be a case of paper beats rock also known as things just happen for no apparent reason. There are too many unknown factors for me to jump to conclusions like that. Right now until I know for certain otherwise, I have to treat this situation as no one’s fault but I should still keep a cautious mind’

Ok now that’s done with lets think about the elephant on the mind or rather if I remember correctly the European myth that is the manticore ‘And I'm calling it a manticore for now at least. I think it’s because if I don’t it kinda feels like I'm calling a zombie the living dead and that just doesn’t feel right. Though it was for the most half a fit for a manticore but it might be called something else by locals though so I’ll keep it to myself until later.’

I chuckled to myself when I remembered the whole thing. ‘Seriously? I see an actual real-life manticore, possibly the only one of its kind as far as I know and I throw up in its face?! Seriously how bad does my luck have to be for that to happen?’

Thinking back to the fact that I ran probably the fastest in my life was thanks to endorphins or something, though thankful I did find it very cool. Ok done thinking now back to the room, I open my eyes to an unfamiliar ceiling. I was definitely on a bed which was still too small for me; I mean it ended at my nees which meant my feet were still on the ground.

‘Which means someone must of found me while I was passed out’ While I was grateful, I also felt concerned being in someone’s house and relieved that there was in fact a house which meant some form of civilisation thing.

“Oh thank frick for that. If I had to fend for myself in the wild, I would’ve been so severely screwed” I chuckled quietly to myself again in relief, keeping my voice down to a loud whisper. ‘Though I do feel a little more concerned about the whole bare butt thing.’

Looking around I spotted a lot of needlepoint things decorating the pastel yellow walls and unnecessary doilies on every piece of furniture in here. ‘Well someone has hobby and happens to decorate like a stereotypical grandmother but eh, to each their own I guess’

I sat up on the bed which was so soft I pretty much sank in. ‘Whoever’s bed this is, they must be light as anything, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some pirate treasure deep below or you know Davey Jones’s private journal from his awkward teenage years’ ... ‘Man I think of weird stuff, oh well as long as I have fun doing it’ I shrugged.

Anyway, continuing with the looking, I also noticed that besides from the needlepoint there were actually a fair lot of photos hung on the walls. I considered getting up to take a closer look but thinking back to how walking led me to throwing up in a manticore’s face I decided to wait a bit.

My queasiness has subsided but I still didn’t want to risk it. So instead I looked to the photo that was sitting next to a cupcake on the bedside dresser and I had to do a double, no, triple take while trying to understand what I was seeing.

Picking the picture up I examined it closely, I mean really overdramatized-CSI-close as much as my eyes can anyway. I saw a yellow and pink... thing standing next to what I can only assume is a rabbit with an oddly big head. The custard yellow thing, it had four legs which ended in hooves. Judging from the muzzle the body shape I’d say it’s a horse.

Judging from these facts, size and the fact my mum took me horse riding when I was a kid, though I was more interested in the actual animals than riding them, I would say it’s a pony of some kind.

So working from that I can say it has a pink mane that’s straight but not flat and the same went for its tail. It had odd markings that I couldn’t see well because its wings were in the way. Oh and it had wings which looking back to my mythological memories would make it a pegasus.

‘Ok let’s see, it can either be that someone is good at Photoshop but not good at making it realistic or it can be a completely real photo of a pegasus in a place where a manticore exists. Why the hell does second make more sense to me than the first?!’ This whole thing is starting to give me a headache, a bad one.

I'm going to push that aside for now. Hearing noises from the window, I slowly got up off the bed waiting to see if I was going to throw up, I wasn’t ‘woo’. Not forgetting to pull up my trousers, finding it has grass stains on the back as well as the bottom back of my coat. I would wonder about that but I have more pressing matters.

Now standing, I find I have to hunched a little and tilt my head ‘man if anyone walked in on me right now they’ll get the completely wrong idea, seriously I must look like... a perverted zombie or something’

After shuffling to the window like... well a perverted zombie. I noticed the sounds that I hoped weren’t a ticked off supposedly non-existent mythological creature that a freight train run from, were actually from the yellow pegasus, a purple pony with a horn and one with what looks to be a backache and a hat, a cowboy hat and they all talked... English.

At that moment I would’ve liked to think that I would’ve wondered about the seer mathematical odds the universe had to screw for this amount of convenience to exist. Instead my one and only thought was ‘Does R2D2 run the universe now? Though that would make sense if you think of C3PO as the pope’

Rubbing my head in effort to keep the random thoughts to a minimum as they only worsened my headache. I breathed deeply and tried to relax though it wasn't made easy by the small room. ‘The potential planet of pegasi with photographic technology wasn't enough, there just had to be unicorns as well and hats HATS!’ I think for a brief moment I forgot to breathe as I could feel my heart desperately beating.

While trying to relax once more, I attempted to gather my thoughts.‘Wait, I don’t think that’s the part I'm supposed to overact too. Oh yeah they’re talking English with American accents! Why... am I complaining? They talk so what? English? Again why should that bother me?

‘If anything it means I'm either incredibly lucky that I ended up in a place where the alien life not only coincidently corresponds with multiple mythological creatures but English talking ones to or... I face planted in shrooms when I passed out.’

I wasn't quite sure which to route for, I mean the second one did make more sense but I never liked the idea of taking drugs and Neil Patrick Harris wasn't riding one. ‘I watch way too many movies’

And while the other would’ve been cool only if it didn’t mean I would be representing the human species. Me, an overweight, generally apathetic , with the attention span of a brain damaged dust mite, doodling day dreamer who has a job a monkey... well let’s say chimp can do and they’ll probably pay the chimp more too.

‘Stupid job stealing chimp’

Right then I realised something. ‘Let’s assume that this continent, planet, universe or whatever is ruled by ponies then wouldn’t that make me the alien?’ I sighed at that realisation ‘Aww man, I'm an actual alien and I'm not even a cool one, no acid blood, no superpower, not even a prehensile tail and those are fricking awesome. Knowing me, I think I would use it to hold my drinks and maybe- OH BELLLICKS DUCK!’

I immediately dived down before the one with the hat could spot me. Oh I should probably use this time to tell you that I don’t swear. I have nothing against it, it’s just that my parents were so constant at catching me swear and making me correct myself that I just gave up and used other words instead or just the first syllables.

Breathing heavily ‘I really need to get into better shape’ I waited until I heard hooves trotting inside to crawl to the side of the bed furthest from the window hitting my head on the dresser. “Fu- Bal- Wan- garg” I mumbled incoherently sitting at the bedside rubbing my head ‘Stupid inanimate object stop existing in my- hey a cupcake.’

While wondering how I didn’t noticed it before now or how hungry I actually was, though a splitting headache dose tend hinder your ability to focus, ‘Good thing I don’t do that often.’ Picking up and examining the cupcake that was mostly pink frosting, it seemed normal I mean I doubt it was going to kill me.

‘Even if it did, I can easily think of worse ways to go.’ And with but a mere shrug I wolfed the sugary sweet down, now I'm not exactly a confection connoisseur but when something’s good, it’s good and it was indeed good.

I relaxed a little feeling a little better having eaten something, taking a deep breath I started thinking about my situation. ‘Right then, I’m basically on an alien planet or maybe that alien underground conspiracy place; Area something... heh those conspiracy nuts never saw this one coming. Anyway I'm not home or anywhere near it and that’s all I need to know right now. The key point of thought is well the ponies.’

While that is weird to think about, it wasn't the weirdest thing I have ever thought about. ‘So the questions are; is this a Planet of The Apes sort of deal, were they’re the dominate species and humans are beasts of burden and I just happen to come across a vet? Are humans extinct? Or have they even existed here?’

I felt that if I can figure that out I can figure out what I should do. ‘If I stay then there’s good chance of getting experimented on and the degrees of that depend on how hostile they are. If they’re peaceful then we’re talking hardly more than a thorough check-up and if they’re not then its alien autopsy.

If I run then where exactly am I going to run to? I can’t live in that forest I’ll be a part of every carnivore’s dinner before I can even blink. Even then how do I get away, I'm not in the best of running conditions and they’re all downstairs so odds are I’ll have to pass them. I could climb out the window.’

At that moment several scenarios forced themselves to play out in my head: The frame breaks I fall crack my skull and bleed out, I fall and damage my spine leaving me paralyzed, if the frame doesn't break but I mess up my footing and crack my skull or break my spine.

And if one of the ponies I saw decides to pop out and I fall I could kill or paralyze making it improbable that I would be treated as anything more than a wild animal.

‘Oh yeah, I have a phobia of heights.’ For some reason I always seem to forget that I am in fact afraid of heights until I try anything related to them. Then my brain hacks whatever I use to imagine with, comes up with worse case scenarios and then convinces me that they’re possible.

‘Ok so no window. I can just try running but again where? Maybe I should try talking? They talk English right? So what would be the problem? How do I even start that conversation, I mean I'm uncomfortable trying to talk to people I don’t know, how the heck am I supposed to handle this?’

My headache worsened from feeling a hammer made from other hammers being whammed into my brain to it being melted from the inside out, making my gut tighten giving off a twisted feeling. I knew that all this was happening because I was stressing out and I had to choose in spite of my nervousness. ‘I should at least try talking to them. They haven’t given me a reason to fear them. So I might as well give it a shot though that’s probably easier thought than done’

I gulped and I could swear it was audible, this decision didn’t really make a difference to my head or gut but hopefully the end result would.

I got back up on my feet assuming the perverted zombie position, still taking decent size breaths. I shuffled to the door while trying to convince myself I'm not going to spontaneously combust the moment they look at me. When I opened it one thing jumped into my head ‘that definitely sounds like more 3 are down there’

It opened with a creek and all the voices went to whispers. “Oh boy” I quietly mumbled to myself in true time-travelling-scientist-ghost-hero-thing fashion. I gingerly walked out making sure to duck my head under the door frame.

The floorboards creaked under my weight, all whispers went silent and as looked down the stairs I wondered ‘why does it feel like I'm walking into a wolf’s den wearing a hotdog costume? Ok. I'm freaking myself out when I do not have choice, that or I'm too stupid to think of something better, either one’

The stairs moaned in protest to every movement I made as I quietly treasured the fact they were the only place where I could straighten my body out completely. ‘If I stay here for too long I’ll end up with a hunch and break this entire house’

My breathing turned shallow as I kept reminding myself ‘it’s ok, they’ll probably just afraid of me if not more so. I have no reason to fear them, I have no reason to fear them...’ last step of the stairs that apparently lead right into the living room where all three and three more resided. ‘I have no reason to fear-‘ Twelve massive alien eyes staring blankly at me.

‘Ok be cool, be calm and be collected’ with a slight nod I manage to let out a very nonchalant “Hey” before my brain figuratively pooped it’s self.

‘ABORT! ABORT! FRICKING LEG IT!’

Personally I found fear is a very sneaky thing, it makes you believe that it’s argument is rational so you go along with it. And so after turning towards the door, stepping over a bewildered bobble-headed bunny, opening the door and then tripping over the over half of said door.

I simply picked myself up brushed myself, hey if you’re going to go through what might be a mental breakdown, you might as well go in relative style.

Then I ran like a headless chicken on speed.

A/N ... I think I need an editor type person

Chapter 3

Then I woke up in one of the most awkward position I have ever known and in a box.

Yep a wooden box.

‘I don’t quite know how I'm supposed to respond to this and OH GOOD GOLDEN GONADS!’ I never knew my mind was capable of scream thinking in pain but there it goes. ‘It’s like every muscle in my body blew a fuse.’ I grunted as I tried to move and untangle only to be met with minimal success.

Once done I found I was stuck on my knees seeing how the box was a little over 2 thirds my height. It was so tight that I was almost completely unable to turn. ‘Wait... Oh bugger me, is this thing moving!?’ There was definite rattle to it and I could feel wind blasting through the cracks confirming my thoughts.

‘Unholy frick I'm being shipped! And not even well, seriously is it too much to ask for some hay on the floor or something? Though they are ponies so they probably eat it but still something relatively soft would be appreciated.’ I snapped myself out of my thoughts in time to realize I'm current panicking right now.

Now it may seem like an overreaction but you’ll be surprised at just how fast you can turn claustrophobic until you wake up in a cramp box with no memory how you got there.

Anyway I knew I had get out, I didn’t know why or where I would go but I was too panicked to care. I positioned myself so my legs are directed to the door which I could tell by the rattling of the hinges.

I kicked at it. Pain electrocuted my brain as my muscles cried out. “Fu me, wan” I blurted out unable to hide the painful experience of chronic muscle cramping. ‘I have to do this, I can cry about pain later’ my mind growled as it probably pumped me with whatever hormones it needed to in order to get me moving.

I kicked again this time I could hear some of the wood splinter and strain. All my attention was focused on that door, I forgot where I was, I forgot how confined it was and I forgot my pain. I gritted my teeth as an anger fuelled by desperation and fear started to boil in the core of my body.

My heart rushed my blood to wherever it was needed most as my focus called for my brain to shut down any part of non-essential part of itself.

I kicked once more and that was all that was needed.

As my mind tried to cope with the fact I was now plummeting to my death, I did the only thing I could think to do.

Laugh.

I laughed at the absolute absurdity of everything that has recently transpired.

I laughed at the fact I could have been mauled by a mythological animal today and something as plain as falling was how I was going to die.

I laughed at if I didn’t freak out back there would’ve probably been safe, unless they turned out to be carnivorous.

I laughed at how completely possible that talking ponies, pegasi and unicorns could be carnivorous, I mean why not? They talk.

I laughed at the normal looking moon in the normal looking night sky and how staring at could make me forget I'm somewhere strange.

And I cried at the fact that I am so utterly moronic and completely uselessly retarded that the only thing I could think to do when falling to death is laugh. I was well and truly afraid, I wanted to do something. Anything. If it means I’ll live and yet all I could do as the ground approached was laugh like an idiot.

I heard a sound, a horrible disgusting sound only to be followed by a deep coldness and that was it.

...

I jolted awake, my mind blared searching for immediate danger and it rested having found none. In a panicked rush I mentally and physically gave myself a quick once over, after finding nothing out of place, I remembered to breathe once again.

‘Good. All my organs are still were I left them.’ While mentally embracing my precious meat sacks of life, I breathed as though I just ran a marathon. ‘It was a dream, of course it was, it had to be’ I thought as I wiped the cold sweat off.

As the higher fuctions of my brain started to kick in I noticed that I'm now in a different place than the previous ones I woke up in. ‘I can’t even be sure how much of my current memory is a dream, am I inception-ing myself right now? I can’t be, if I was then I wouldn’t asking myself if this was a dream.’

I forced myself to break out of my thoughts in order to relax and gather them ‘Ok going from the fact that I have never asked “is it a dream?” in a dream. I can’t be sure the rest wasn't a dream just because I can’t remember asking myself but I guess it would make sense. I better treat as the whole pony and manticore incidents as a dream.’

Taking in my surroundings I couldn’t help but be a little awestruck, it was like a posh theme hotel or something. Every wall and fixture was immaculately white with a hint of roman architecture. I sat up and looked at the bed or should I say beds, there were two. While one was normal but just as small as the one in my dream, the other had double the width of the first one and they’ve been placed together to make one big bed for me I assume.

‘Am I in a hotel that caters specifically to little people or something?’ I sighed at another unanswerable question. Then I noticed what I was wearing ‘unholy frick!... well I guess this explains the uncomfortable giggling.’ It was a robe, like a monk’s only completely white and it was just that... nothing else... it concerned me deeply ‘though to be fair I do kinda feel Jedi-ish right now.’

And yet again I wondered how long it took me to notice that there is currently a mountain load of food on several serving trays surrounding my bed. There where fruits, vegetables, sandwiches, pies, cake and so much more but as hungry as I was, I found eating wasn't on top of my priorities.

So seeing no other option and I mean no option that would be available to me within the amount of time that was currently being limited by my own desperation. I got up, grabbed a nearby vase, went to a corner, lifted my robe and did what I needed to do.

I felt like I was hearing Pachelbel’s Canon play in my head ‘oh dear super-frick that’s good. Jeez it feels like I haven’t gone in days.’ I mentally tuned out until I finished after which I gave it a light shake before letting my robe fall back down. As if on cue there was a knock on the door, a very solid knock by someone on the other side.

I am a terribly jumpy person and if I hadn’t just gone, I would have.

‘Oh bugger me. Now someone shows up?! How the heck do I handle this? “Hi I'm Jonathan Dae, how are you? Thank you for taking me in and oh yes that is your vase I just pissed in”... that is currently glowing.’ Looking at the now luminescent object I swore I heard brain just... snap. Nothing fancy, no bangs or ka-booms just a snap and maybe a bit of an eye twitch.

‘Seriously, I wake up in weird place after dreaming of waking in two weirder places and my piss just HAS to glow doesn’t it?’

There was another knock at the door.

Now if my mind hadn’t just snapped a second ago I'm certain I could have thought of a better idea than throwing the vase out of the window.

But it did snap, I didn’t think and it there the piss filled vase majestically flew, out of the conveniently open window.

As it did I wondered if I should try jumping after it, then I remembered that I'm afraid of heights and then I wondered why I keep blanking on that.

Another knock.

‘OH FOR CRYING OUT MOTHERFRICKING LOUD! I HAVE OTHER THINGS TO HANDLE POORLY!!’ yelled my mind so loud I was a little deaf. “Err hello?” was all I was able to say ‘I am the most idiotic person to live and I should never be allowed to reproduce.’

“...hello?”

The voice replied. It sounded startled like it wasn't expecting an initial response to the knocking, probably thinking I was still sleeping. ‘Thank whatever manners they had that made them knock instead of just walking in.’

I felt a little relieved  when I heard whispers from the door, I mean I'm glad I'm not the only one who has no idea what to do next.

“How are you feeling?” The mature feminine voice asked. ‘How on earth am I suppose to answer that?! Did she mean physically or mentally? Because physically I feel better than I have ever felt before but mentally my brain felt like it was trying to boil itself in its own juices using stupidity as a heat source.’

I gulp and replied “I'm ok.” I decided to stick to generally indifferent answers rather than express my thoughts.  ‘Ah my personal secret to a long and relatively hassle free life; an arm’s length personal space both physically and emotionally.’

“I'm glad” she said in a concerned tone. It was a little foreign to me to be honest. I mean I make it a point to avoid situations where any strangers would never need to feel any concern for me.

“May I come in?” the voice calmly asked and I could hear my gut twist into a knot. ‘What? Why? I'm not decent; in fact I'm in a robe that you or someone close probably put on me after taking all my clothes. I’m going have to ask about that, I'm going to have to ask about a lot of things and I'm not getting anywhere driving myself nuts.’

I let out a very big, very loud sigh, unintentional of course but I still hoped that it would convey worry rather than annoyance. “There’s no need to worry” ‘success!’ “We aren’t going to hurt you” ‘we? WE?!’ I breathed deeply as I reminded myself not to jump out of the window.

“By ‘we’ do you mean more there’s than one of you?” I asked ‘of course she meant more than one! I'm not unlucky enough to be abducted or lucky enough to be found by posh speaking royalty. Even if I was I have no idea what to do, I’ll be too afraid that I’ll mess it up in such a way that would cause an international, interplanetary, universal incident or all three ’

“Only me and my sister but we mean no harm” ‘I should ask who they are but I guess it would be more polite doing that face to face rather than face to door to face.’ Mentally preparing for alien little people dressed in white togas I said “ok, come in”

The door opened.

O how I miss that closed door and all its wonderful ignorance.

‘Stupid toga wearing little aliens why couldn’t you exist when I needed you to the most?’

What walked in was something that no sci-fi nut would’ve guessed. A pony. A rather skinny, completely white pony with a horn long enough to kebab me and a pair of large very soft looking white wings. The colours of its mane and tail were a pastel rainbow that kind of reminded me of colours seen in spilt oil, both moved as though it was swimming through the air. Oh and it was wearing gold jewellery, yep it’s basically a sentient self-propelling spear with a sense of accessorizing.

The one following closely was similar in that it had the same kind of build though generally smaller and wore the same kind of jewellery. However colour wise it was almost the complete opposite to the bigger one. Its coat while adorned with black jewellery was midnight blue with a darker sheen to it. And instead of a muted rainbow for a mane its royal blue hair seemed to randomly sparkle in places as it flowed.

And if it wasn't for the urge to leave a cartoonish me-shaped hole in the nearest wall I would of paid some attention to that sense of déjà vu I was getting. ‘Frick me sideways. They’re... err... what was it again? I remember looking it up one time but can’t recall. Aww man this drive me nuts. Unisus? Pegacorn? Cornsus?... Unipeg! That’s it! They’re unipegs, phew that’s a relieve and at least now I know what’s about to kill me.’

“It’s nice to finally be able to talk face to face” the bigger one smiled calmly with the same voice I heard before. ‘Hmm, I'm not sure how I feel about that. I mean sure talking ponies are weird but it would have been just as weird if it was a human who randomly decided to push to unipegs into the room’

“Though you did seem more responsive with the door closed” it chuckled noticing my sudden inability of verbalisation ‘of course I was. I thought I was in a situation that was somewhat FRIKING POSSIBLE!’ My gut tightened as I was at a loss to what to do ‘I should talk but what the heck do I say?! I have no previous experience in this kind of situation even if they were human. Am I supposed to be polite? Are they? Am I supposed to be eating to fatten myself up so they can eat me? Oh frick! Now I’ve just freaked myself out.’

“Sorry” I managed to squeeze out ‘that’s it?! Two talking ponies have either abducted or taken me in and that’s ALL I can say?! Not even “please don’t eat me”?’ I did try my best to hide my nerves, it should be easy I'm not the most outwardly expressive person but somehow they saw through that. Maybe it because I'm clinging to the walls like a cat who knows its bath time but we may never know.

 “You need not apologise to us. We can understand your predicament” the blue one reassured. While the white one sounded certain and self assured to a infallible degree, were as this one sounded a little put on like it was trying a bit too hard to sound... posh I guess.

“Yes it must be quite stressful waking up in a foreign land, please do not feel pressured into talking, we only wanted to check up on you. So when you are comfortable feel free not to hold back.” the white unipeg nodded as it spoke up ‘oh she’s good, I'm already feeling relaxed... well more so than I did a minute ago. I mean I'm not going to spill my guts but a dialog wouldn’t hurt... and I'm hungry’

I would like to think I made the decision because it was the most logical one with all the reasoning considered but I was just hungry.

I let out a sigh and it felt as if I vented steam pressure. Both of them were watching me intently ‘don’t even know how to start this. With the basics I guess’

“Do you” I paused, nerves getting the better of me ‘just breathe’ “I mean would you mind if I eat while we talk?”

They shook their heads simultaneously “Please, be not afraid to help yourself” the blue one gestured with a hoof. Taking it as a good sign I grabbed a fancy looking plate and piled on some lettuce, carrots, cucumber slices, small tomatoes, sprouts, I left the hay and added some bread buns.

If there was meat I would have added it too but the lack of it was probably a good thing considering how it countered the ‘wanting to eat me’ idea after all I'm made of meat.

They watched me take the food back to the bed making me feel like I'm being judged. It wasn't as if there was somewhere else to sit down. “Err would you like any?” I offered while crossing my legs holding the plate by one hand, feeling a little greedy having it all to myself.

They politely turned it down “It’s quite alright, both me and my sister have already eaten” ‘ok so they’re both sisters, I guess I should have figured that from the door conversation but oh well.’

“That food was freshly placed here in the event you might wake up, if it is not to your liking then we can find you... something else.” The blue Unipeg hesitated much to my and the white one’s notice. ‘Why would she be nervous about offering food? That doesn't make much sense... Unless she isn’t afraid TO offer but WHAT to offer. Oh. OH! They think I might try to eat them! That must be it but... even if I did wanted meat they wouldn’t sacrifice their own to simply satisfy me, would they?

[i']No. I don’t think so. Let’s see; they must of realized I'm an omnivore, I mean a quick look at the teeth would have told them that. So why be afraid? Wait I'm thinking about this wrong, I’ve been thinking of them as people to help ease into things but they’re not, they’re ponies. Judging by that and the food they gave me they’re herbivores. Which means they never had to kill and that they won’t eat me so... woo.

'Carnivores have to kill to live. Omnivores have a choice but in the wild would often go for the most logical option and considering the given risks meat is the most efficient way to obtain needed proteins. Though normally eat plants as a secondary protein source. However herbivores had to eat plants so they would have no experience in killing for food the same way carnivores and omnivores do.

'That’s it. They afraid of killing anything and now they’re staring. Frick I how long have I drifted off into my own thoughts for? Recover! Recover!’ With eyes wide open I rubbed the back of my head and smiled nervously “the food’s fine, good, better, I mean great” ‘I wouldn’t blame them if they killed me. I think they would be doing me a favour’

“Are you well?” the blue one asked obviously no longer concerned about the food but rather what must have been a massive silent gap. I attempted to laugh it off lightly “yeah I'm fine, I just get lost in my thoughts, a bad habit I guess.”

The white one chuckled again “well we all have one those.” The other one smiled while I mentally thanked whatever higher power they prayed to here.

They looked to each other “Oh my, where are my manners? We should introduce ourselves” ‘AAAAAAH! I never said my name!? I’ve slept here and eaten their food but I never asked for names or even told them my name? If my mum was alive she would kick my butt, heck if I was anywhere near my town she would of risen up just to kick my butt.’

“I am Princess Celestia” the white followed stated proudly

“And I am Princess Luna it is a pleasure to meet you” the blue one followed

‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!’

“err thanks, my name Jonathan Dae”

‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!’

chapter 4

I have no problem with royalty, I’m British, we have a Queen, I have no idea what she does but you know... we have one. The reason why I'm freaking out is because this universe is conspiring against me. Seriously I'm a table cleaner with no marketable skills except level 2 in IT, who chooses not to interact with others unless needed out of laziness.

Heck if it wasn't for a certain experience I would have joked how my sheer amount of laziness is keeping me from killing myself. There just some lines you don’t cross and for me, joking about that sort of thing was one of them.

Anyway by all accounts I am not the kind of person who should be handling this kind of thing.

“We apologise for asking this again but are you alright Jonathan Day?” the blue one asked using my whole name which felt weird because most people call me Jon. I also felt she thought my last was spelled D A Y which is understandable really everyone else does it.

‘What the frick-ka-dee-doo-daa is her name?! She told me like less than a minute ago and now I’ve forgotten. Fricking bellickers! I can remember every movie, TV program and face I see but I always forget names. WHATS THE POINT OF REMEMBERING FACES IF NOT NAMES?!’

“Yeah, I'm fine thank you” I smiled putting on a mask of calm indifference as is the way of my people. ‘Yeah everything is ok except I’ve forgotten the name of royalty in less than ten seconds.’

“Really? Because you haven’t touched the food you were so eager for” said the white one making a decent point with a teasing smile.

‘Not you too Tall-ly Mcpointyhead who I should never cards with.’ Seriously I had a great aunt who was bit of a card shark so I know an iron-clad poker face when I see one. I scratched my head as I mentally resigned ‘I guess I'm not going to get anywhere if keep all of it bottled up, better let some of it out.’

‘but not everything’

“I'm sorry, I guess the whole situation has kinda gotten to me. After having a few weird dreams, one of which is could actually be real-“ ‘That pegasus one is starting to seem more plausible by the minute’ while thinking this, I managed to notice a look the two gave each other. “- I end up waking in a unfamiliar place surrounded by food, I mean don’t get me wrong I'm not complaining or anything but when I discovered I'm not wearing any of my clothes while being in the company of royalty,-“ they gave a little nod to that “-things got a little worrying for me.”

‘And right now my gut is so tight, that if I do manage to poop in the near future it’ll be a diamond but I'm not going to tell you two that.’

I was trying to come off grateful so I won’t offend but slightly nervous as well so I could try to convey my point of view to them for sympathy. Obviously hearing my mental nerves straining like the steel of the titanic, the white one spoke in effort to get me to open up. “Yes, well Jonathan Day nopony ‘noPony?’ can blame you for feeling a little under pressure. ‘A little? You’re a fricking alien princess!’ Perhaps if you tell us something about yourself you might feel more at ease”

‘Why are you talking like a school councillor? What the heck is your name?!’ it took me longer than I care to admit to catch up to the conversation. “I'm sorry but by something you mean?” I asked worried of how much in depth I might have to get about the human race for a guy who failed history and biology.

“Now don’t worry, I promise nothing too strenuous just something to help us get to know you better”

‘Great’ I honestly thought this would be a prime opportunity to show off my good and hopefully redeeming parts.

...

‘I got nothing’

You know those times in school were you would know answer to some question but when the teacher calls you up to the front for it you completely blank out on it? Well this was one of those times.

‘Oh bugger me up a chimney’

The awkward silence had become so thick that I could eat it, if only my nerves currently didn’t have a death grip on my appetite.

As if she was answering my desperation the blue unipeg took the opportunity to suggest something “If you would not mind Jonathan Dae, we would very much like to hear more about these dreams you mentioned earlier” ‘THANK YOU OH WONDROUS EQUINE!... wait what?’

“Dreams?” I'm fairly certain I'm starting to come off as a brain damaged parrot but they were honestly and consistently blind siding me here. Normally no one is interested in my dreams though I do use them as idle conversation at work on slow days.

“Yes, we have a personal interest in dreams but if it is considered offensive then please forgive us” ‘huh posh people... well ponies at least rarely use apostrophes’

“Oh no sorry, I mean it’s not offensive or anything. I was just surprised that you’ll be interested and please just call me Jon ok?”

They nodded in an understanding way. “As you wish Jon. And though I don’t share Luna’s ‘LUNA! The blue one’s name is LUNA! It’s Italian for moon! Or was it Latin? Or was that lunar? As in the lunar rover.’ specific interest, if it is a subject you’re comfortable with then I would also like to hear them” the tallest told me with a relaxed tone ‘why do I feel like I'm being examined? And what on earth is your name unipeg-that’s-not-luna?’

Though being here and talking like this to creatures I found so intimidating at first has loosened my nerves a bit. ‘Man I'm hungry’ I remembered while being a little embarrassed that I actual forgot that I was hungry, one of few things I thought I would never be dumb enough to do.

‘Well they did said they wouldn’t mind’ I assured myself as I ate a small tomato ‘mm crunchy like I'm eating a snail.’ Giving off a small exhale. “Ok so talk about my dreams? It seems easy enough” I budged around in the bed to get comfortable and the two followed suit lying next to each other but still keeping a safe distance.

Though to be fair the odds are good that they would be talking me down from the window if it wasn't for my phobia that is.

“Well I guess I’ll start with the most recent one I can remember, off the top of my head that is.” I told them about the field and desert dream first they looked especially interested when I mentioned the pointy cloud fishes for some reason.

Then the dream with the manticore, though I didn’t tell them that what I thought it was because I was still trying to come off somewhat normal. I know through experience that bringing up the fact you have knowledge about mythical creatures which to most people means the same as imaginary friends never helps... unless you’re in a pub quiz and it comes up.

Luna looked at me like I was that one monkey out of a million who wrote Shakespeare. The white one just laid there unchanging, listening and looking like she heard a lot more than what I said.

I decided to push passed it and keep talking while eating. It was actually very therapeutic talking like this, not about anything of any importance just talking to have noise in the room.

I moved onto the fighting dream, I was quick to explain to them that I am not nor am I ever a violent person and even in the dream the anger felt somewhat... artificial. They understood perfectly which seemed weird to me because I didn’t even understand it and it was my dream.

‘I think I should be worried at how many questions I have to remember to ask’ I remember thinking to myself as we chatted. Even though I was doing the lion’s share they didn’t seem to mind.

I moved on to the falling dream, intentionally skipping the one with the pegasus mainly because I'm not entirely certain it was a dream and I didn’t want to seem dumber than I already do.

“- I even remember how the wind felt as I fell” I commented on the sheer realism of the dream as I finished my plate setting it to one side. “It was the most real one I can remember having” ‘though the manticore one felt kinda real but there was a manticore in it, so it’s a dream until proven otherwise.’

They both looked at me sympathetically but it was the white one who spoke up while Luna avoided eye contact “My no wonder you were so distressed when we entered.” ‘That and you are a flying horse with the weaponry of a rhinoceros, guess which one took priority and will somebody say her blimming name already?! I don’t even care who or what; Luna, a bird, my shoelace or even that banana over there and I KNOW IT KNOWS!’

‘Stupid all knowing banana not sharing with the rest us’

“Yeah sorry about that, I guess I was in shock or something” I admitted with a small chuckle feeling a little stupid for mentally overreacting the way I did ‘good thing I suppress most of my feelings as a life rule no matter how unhealthy people said it was and you know those people have never found themselves in front of a pair of pointy pony princesses’

“First we thank you for sharing with us but it is as we have previously stated. We understand your feelings and there is no need to keep apologising.” ‘It must be hard for Luna to sound formal and considerate at the same time, you would’ve thought the two would conflict but she pulls it off.’

“I know but that’s easier said than done, I mean no offence to you guys I'm thankful for the food and bed ‘technically beds’ but... it’s all kind of mentally draining.”

“It is perfectly alright Jon, both Celestia ‘CELESTIA! THAT’S HER NAME! Like celestial body... I think ooh! It sounds like celery and she’s tall so she’s Celery stick! And Celery stick is Celestia’ and myself were actually quite nervous over meeting you”

“Me?” ‘Aww man I forgot that I'm the alien to them. Considering everything it’s a fair judgement that I'm the first human they’ve seen’

Celestia nodded “that’s right Jon, we were uncertain of your character and we wanted to assess you of shorts.”

“So getting me to talk was some kind of test?”

“In a sense yes but it was not a lie when I said we wanted to get to know you better”

I could see that Celestia thought she might of offended me, if a was a mean kind of person I might of played on this but I'm not nor do I have any desire to be.

“It’s ok princess I can understand why you did and I'm ok with it really. To be honest I'm relieved now, I mean I’ve never been in a situation anywhere near this one and I have no idea how to handle it. So I figured that I’ll go by however you were going about it and seeing that you two were also a bit apprehensive though not as much as I am but considering-“

“Jon” Luna called snapping me out of my rambling.

Realising what I just did, I smiled apologetically “heh sorry it started off as a conversation but then I started to think out loud.”

Celestia just smiled a kind smile which was a little creepy to me but I think that’s just a by-product of living on my own without having the need to be concerned about anyone for too long.

‘Ahe smiles like she knows me... I'm not sure how to feel about that.’

“Thank you for your understanding Jon though I do have one question about your dreams.” Something felt not quite right about how she said dreams but I ignored that suspicious pulse in the back of my head.

‘I already told them about my dreams what harm could answering a question do?’

“Ask away” I shrugged

“Earlier you mentioned that you had doubts over a particular dream and if it was in fact a dream. Which one was it?”

‘Oh boy.’

“Well about that, it was the one dream I skipped. I thought it best not to mention it until I found out if it was”

Both princesses suddenly wore this face of disappointment and it... hurt. ‘I feel like I just let down my mum or my best fr-‘

My brain paused as it passed on a bad memory ‘... something’

“Again we understand your feelings Jon and your fears of opening up to us” Luna started

“But we had hope that we’ve gained enough of your trust that you’ll feel safe to share with us” Celestia ended

‘Am I seriously getting guilt tripped by ponies?’

“I know, it was stupid thing for me to do and I'm sorry but I honestly didn’t know what to make of it” I told them hoping to move on from this.

“If you tell us we may be able to help” Luna convinced me.

‘No one should be going through this much trouble when talking about dreams’

I sighed hard as I rubbed the back of my neck “ok I’ll talk, it was a dream I had after the fighting one but after seeing you guys I'm not so sure about it”

“That’s fine Jon we’ll help with whatever it is” Celestia reassured ‘there has never been anyone so interested in my dreams, it’s starting to worry me’

I told them about the pegasus dream but like the manticore one I didn’t say pegasus I just said winged pony that was quite small compared to them. I mentioned the cupcake mainly because it was a good cupcake. I talked about how I freaked out and that I was planning on talking to the ponies in my dream but I completely snapped under the pressure and panicked.

I didn’t remember much about what happened after that. I mean I tried to remember but it was like tuning for a low powered radio station. I knew it was there but the static drowned it out.

“Don’t push yourself.” Celestia told me, clearly seeing that I was struggling with my memory gap, I don’t normally but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I forgot a pretty crucial gap.

“Celestia is right Jon. ‘I'm really starting to feel slightly inadequate when it comes to names here.’ You have been through enough for today”

“I think it’ll be for the best if we allow you to rest for today ‘it’s starting to sound like they’re avoiding that particular dream and I haven’t actually asked any questions. I’ve only repeated words as questions, maybe I should say something about this.’ and tomorrow to our best ability we’ll answer any questions you may have ‘you’re reading my mind right now aren’t you?... please don’t kill me.’ and you can answer ours ‘Ah!’ only to your best ability of course”

‘Phew. Alright princesses get ready to somehow know even less tomorrow’ not that I was planning to lie, I'm just that stupid.

But I figured some time to gather and organise my questions wouldn’t be a bad thing but I needed some way to relive the tension inside. The talking helped but there are just some things that can only be vented by physically doing something.

‘Maybe I should go for a walk.’

“Though we request that you stay in your room”

‘Well that’s that idea shot down but I can see their point and even though they look like they trust me right now. I wouldn’t blame them for setting something up so I won’t get far even if I do try to run. Maybe they’ll let me do something else.’

Setting my clean plate aside I looked to them and tried to be as polite as possible which also meant not using apostrophes for some reason “I understand Princesses but there is something I would like to request”

I think they are starting to trust my character a little because they didn’t look at me like they thought I was going to make some unreasonable demand.

“Please let us know how we can help” Luna asked as they both got up leisurely.

“Well it isn’t anything big just some paper and a pencil.”

They both looked back at me with pleasantly surprised expressions on their faces. “Oh? Do you wish to write something?” Luna asked with an eager tone.

“I'm afraid not, sorry.” I gave an apologetic smile but the drooping of the ears made me feel kind of bad ‘great now I feel like I’ve let her down.’ “I just like to draw sometimes.”

Her expression perked up so fast I could swear I heard a ting. “So you’re an artist then?”

I had to shrug at that. “I wouldn’t really say that. It’s not as if I’m trying to be humble or anything, it’s just that every time I’ve ever drew, I’ve never really considered myself as an artist, to me I’ve always been just a guy who draws.”

Celestia smiled giving a slight nod ‘man I can read Luna like a fricking kid’s book compared to her sister, seriously is she a cyborg or something?’ “I see. Well we’ll be sure to get you you’re supplies.”

The unipegs turned and began to trot out. As they did I couldn’t help but notice that they had odd markings on their thighs. Celestia’s was a large sun and Luna’s a crescent moon on a black splotch. ‘I wonder if it means they’re opposites or something related to royalty maybe? It seems odd if they didn’t have a reason considering they’re princesses and...

“Oh and Jon.” As Luna walked out, Celestia stopped and looked right at me without turning or breaking her expression.

...I’ve been staring at them for far too long haven’t I?’

I gulped wondering what the punishment was for staring at a highness’s hindquarters “yes princess?”

“When you hear a knock on the door that’s just your drawing supplies but it would be best if you could wait a couple of minutes before retrieving them”

My butt unclenched.

“Err sure thing”

“Thank you” she trotted out closing the door but not before she added something “if you need to use the facilities, there is an on suite bathroom through that door” she gestured to the door in the corner.

‘HOW DID I NOT SEE THAT?! I was desperate enough to pee in a vase but I couldn’t see fricking door in the corner? How blimming thick am i?!’

“Oh I didn’t notice that, thanks”

She nodded again and closed the door.

And thus ended my first encounter with royalty and possibly aliens, ‘they never did tell me weather the dream was real or not.’

I let out a relieved sigh as well as a fart I’ve been holding in ever since they said they’re royalty.

‘well I guess all things considered that wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be now I just have to wait for tomorrow and think about what questions I should ask.’

I spent the rest of the day eating and going to the toilet though I’ve yet to have any number twos which is weird because normally I'm quite regular. ‘I guess it’s another thing I have to wait for.’

The supplies came and I did wait before bringing them in from the hall. I could understand why Celestia wanted me to wait I mean I must look just as weird to them as they do to me. The princesses were probably prepared for it but it would cause a needless fuss if some other pony freaked out other me.

‘So I have to play by their rules... ok I have no problems with that, they probably have a better understanding of the situation than I do. So it would be best if I just let them handle it and go along for the ride’

Eating some more I decided to let my mind take a rest from all this and I began thinking what to draw.

I heard commotion coming from the window, so I decided to check it out.  Only by looking down from a frightening height did  I remembered that I am afraid of heights though I did catch a glimpse of gold and white pony like dot fighting what looked like a giant oddly familiar flower.

‘Should I be worried about that? Eh if I need to be I will be soon enough.’ I lazily figured as I went back to my afternoon and soon of eating and drawing.

chapter 5

So after eating what I can safely assume was twice my weight in vegetables, fruits and assorted baked goods and drawing to the point of mental exhaustion, I still couldn’t sleep. I felt wide awake, like it was just simply not time for sleep, I tried lying down, closing my eyes, stop thinking, slow my heart down just none of it worked.

‘So... now what?’ I asked looking for an answer. I already drew all I could think of and I was too full to eat anymore though it seemed like a waste. There are really two things that somewhat irk me and that is quiet which this place was and staying in one place not doing anything even sleeping.

Setting my drawing to a neat pile on the bed, I began to pace about and think about tomorrow. ‘They did say they’ll try to answer my questions... what do I need to ask?’ A while ago in my life I realized that I'm no good at planning things like speeches and what to say. I don’t know why but I get tongue tied if I try reading written things out loud and it turned out it was just easier for me to think of those kinds of things in the moment.

So I let it go and thought about other things ‘I think I'm glad that the princesses chose to introduce themselves today and fill me in tomorrow. I don’t think I would have been able to absorb anything while trying to get over the pony shock. Not that I'm completely over it, I mean it’s still going to weird but at least now I’m able to deal with it better.’

A thought drifted through my mind ‘what if that dream with the pegasus was real?’ I pondered it, given all that I’ve seen today I can’t deny the possibility of it. ‘guess I’ll have to thank whoever for the hospitality and applogise for freaking out and running away... and whatever I did afterwards.’

I tried to think back to it, running through the dream from the start but I got nowhere fast. ‘This is pointless until Celestia and Luna confirm it or deny it, so I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.’

My general stance on worrying was to only do it for immediate situations, I thought it pointless to worry about something that has happened or is going to happen. Though truth be told I haven’t always stuck to this philosophy but hey it’s a personal guideline if nothing else.

I still paced about just for the sake of moving then another thought popped up.

You know those times when you think of something good to say but you miss the chance, this was one of those.

‘I should’ve ask for my underwear or at least my trousers’

I do not do well with giggling though if the princesses did this to hinder my movement on purpose then I'm going to have a lot more questions.

‘Ok I think I'm starting to get a little stir crazy... or maybe they’re making me lose my mind. Think about it, they just send two ponies to greet me and they had no weapons or body armour to speak of. Aren’t I'm suppose be the dangerous one? For all they knew I could have ripped them to shreds. So they’re either insanely trusting or there’s some unknown factor that makes them the most powerful beings available and therefore the safest to walk into a room with a potentially dangerous animal.

‘Are they really princesses? Do they have the power to obliterate me several hundred times over? Are they pumping something in this room right now? Are they going to dissect me? Could I of told them my name was Gandalf Mc Manly Powerhouse? Why didn’t I tell them my name was Gandalf Mc Manly Powerhouse?!’

I have a tendency to over think things when I'm bored.

‘I need to get out of here otherwise I'm going to drive myself insane but I have also have to stay here. I can’t sleep and I’ve ran out of things to do. If only I learned origami life would be so much simpler but I’m so bad at folding paper my paper airplanes explode for no reason.’

That’s an over exaggeration but don’t blame me I was losing my already questionable skull stuffing.

‘if I go out that’ll give them reason to lock me up somewhere but if I stay here with absolutely no stimulation of any kind I might devolve mentally enough to start throwing poop which they’ll lock me up for. So I either get locked up or go crazy and get locked up.’ I sighed at my choices but then I shrugged.

‘Bugger it. It’s way easier to apologise when you have fully functional mental faculties... and it’s my poop not theirs, they can’t have any.’ See? This is what would happen if all entertainment related technology suddenly blipped out of existence, you were warned.

I readied myself, pulling my hood up doubting it would really do anything to hide me but it kind of helped me feel the force and this time it wasn't gas. Then I wondered if I let a big enough one rip I would actually pull that classic Marilyn Monroe pose.

I walked to the door to open, expecting it to be electrified or at least locked and it wasn't. To be honest I was a little let down not that I wanted to be electrified I was just hoping for more I guess.

I made sure to open it slowly and quietly which I found when I peered out work too well. The door was now completely open with me just standing there with two white winged ponies in gold armour. They weren’t as tall as the sisters, the top of their heads only just passed my belly button, they had blue tails and blue roman helmet frill thingy and they still didn’t notice me looking at them.

‘Oh for crying out lound, I'm probably the only human here and I'm still freaking unnoticeable? This is blimming ridiculous’ I thought silently rolling my eyes. I look to the left one then the right still nothing ‘I wonder how long it would take them?’

I hunched down so I was at relative eye level though now I felt like one of those frogs from the old budwiser adverts. You see though somewhat entertaining naturally having the unnoticablity of a ninja is bit of an ego killer. After a good two minutes passed until I decided to do something mostly because my legs were going numb.

‘I have no idea what to here’ honestly the whole novelty of them being ponies kind of wore off on me. Don’t get me wrong it’s still an insane situation that I should never have been put in but I figured if I don’t get somewhere near used to basic conversation I’ll never get anywhere with these guys.

“Hey” I said with a slight indifferent nod ‘as a general guy I am completely satisfied with this level of communication.’

“Hey” the right one said without looking or breaking pose

“Yo” the left one said without looking or breaking pose

“How’s things?” I asked completely aware they haven’t notice that I'm not a pony yet

“Good”

“Same, you?”

‘Truly these are the conversations they must have Valhalla.’ I may not know what species they exactly, I'm basic going by calling them what I think then apologising if I'm corrected but I know one thing for certain; these are men.

“Eh nothing that can’t be sorted out hopefully.” I'm still hoping to get home but I'm going to be as realistic as possible in the land of talking ponies... maybe a little more than that.

“Well sorry to...” the right one turned his head to me and his jaw literally went slack, seriously it was just hanging there like a porch swing.

He harshly and desperately prodded the other who responded in an “Oi!” as he jerked his head to tell the right one off but halted as soon as he grabbed an eyeful of me.

You’re welcome right one.

‘I don’t think I thought this one through completely, oh well in for a penny in for a pound’ I sighed as I got up. The two just stared up at me not saying anything so I decided to let them get used to me before talking.

But that would take too long.

“I'm just going out for a walk.” I know I shouldn’t I wasn't planning on walking out in public or anything, I was just trying to get them to react, move or you know... ‘I think they’re turning blue’ breathe.

“w-we are o-ordered to keep you i-inside” the left guard stammered while the right pegasus perspired so perversely he produced puddles. ‘Wow he must really hydrate.’

“So you’re going to stop me?” I asked curiously, I knew they could probably beat me up if they wanted, I know I'm bigger than them but I think that mostly due to being bipedal.

“W-we have also been ordered not to harm you in anyway and treat you as a guest” the right one spoke up.

‘Huh? ... wait that doesn’t sound right... let’s make sure I understand.’

“So you can’t let me walk out but you also can’t hurt me?”

“That’s correct” they both nodded

‘Yep... I don’t’

“Seems a little contradictory”

They shrugged “comes with the job”

“Oh ok” I nodded ‘I don’t really get it but let’s just go with it’

“Could you, go back in your room, please?” the left one asked sheepishly.

‘I wonder if I can use this to lighten up my boredom and to ease the tension.’ I thought while piecing together a response. “I have nothing against you guys but I just can’t stay in that room.” I started hoping to get their curiosity going.

They stared at me then to the room and then back to me. “Why?” they asked in unison.

“Because there’s uneaten food in there and I'm too full to eat any more of it” I lied but it was all in my plan.

“And that’s a problem?” A while back I figured that it’s quite hard to fear something you’re curious about though you’ll still be afraid of it. You just won’t act on it until your curiousity’s been satisfied and your fears justified.

And that was what I was trying to do. It’s simple once you realise that fear is all about what you don’t know which is where fear of the dark comes from. It’s an instinct that prepares you for the worst case situation. You can’t force anyone out of those fears; you can only offer incentive for them to come out on their own.

“I can’t stand it going to waste you know?” A partial truth but hopefully it’ll work.

“Well we can’t let you out just for that” the left stated with a bit of authority which was good, it meant he was getting acclimated to my presence.

“But you guys can’t stop me from leaving” I pointed out making them both think for a bit.

“that’s ... true” the right one ponder stroking his chin.

‘Right time to bring this conversation home.’ “So let’s review shall we? I can’t stay in the same room with uneaten food and you’re both ordered to make sure I don’t leave said room right?”

They nodded again making me imagined what it’ll be like to listen to head banging music with them.

‘I can’t seem obvious, I need them to think it was their idea’ “so then I guess I should move to another room” I falsely suggested knowing the probable answer.

“We can’t do that, the room has been specially set up for you”

‘Thought as much’

“Well what if we ate the food?” ‘Yes! I was waiting for that’ “well that would mean I wouldn’t feel the need to leave anymore.” I encouraged this train of thought

“We’re not allowed to eat on duty” the left one tried to shoot the idea down but I saw it coming a mile of.

“But isn’t it your duty to make sure I don’t leave and wonder about without getting physical?”

“Yes but...”

“So if you can’t stop me from leaving then in order to do your duties it is only logical to take away my reason to leave”

The guard opened his mouth as if to say something but then closed it. I could see the cogs turn in his head as he tried to think of a retort but failed.

“We did skip dinner” the right justified weakly.

He heavily sighed and said in a very irritated growl “very well then.”

‘That’s right you’ve been lawyer-Spocked Mawahahah.’ I make it a personal rule that whenever I got someone with a partially logical argument I’ll think an evil laugh seeing how it’s rude to actually laugh at them.

And with that I moved out of the doorway and back into the room the two followed nervously looking like they were walking into a tiger cage.

I offered the food and while they were tentative at first, once they started to eat the atmosphere got way more relaxed. I personally was feeling a lot calmer with these guys around. I guess it’s like the time I went to the cinema alone as a kid and it was completely empty, sometimes you just need some other people there.

I figured I should the first to ask any questions I doubted they would given that this situation is just as weird for them as it was for me.

As it turns out their names are Spick and Span which I thought was cool but weird at the same time. They met in training and been close friends since

Spick grew up in Manehattan which I thought could be a pun he was doing but he was completely serious. ‘Although if you think about it Manhattan could be a pun to. It depends on which came first.’

He also had twin younger sisters both earth ponies living with his parents. I asked what he meant by earth ponies as well as explaining that I know nothing about them.

They told me that earth ponies are ponies with no wings or horn but seemed naturally in synch with nature and stuff. Pegasai are winged ponies that fly though I kind of figured that one out already. Unicorns are horned ones that use magic which I skipped over because I doubted these guys could explain what they call magic anymore than I could explain how I walk on two legs or air.

Span actually grew up here in Canterlot which was their capital. He had an older unicorn brother, we actually got into a bit of a confusing argument when I asked the brothers name, Span just kept on saying he was fancy.

From then on they started talking to me as if I was a visitor from another country which technically I was I just don’t know where that country is right now. They mentioned all the sights to see, shows to catch, they seemed specially focused on something called The Wonderbolts which was a stunt flying show thing.

I kept my answers vague about going to these kind of things not because I thought I wouldn’t be here long enough but it’s just those kind of things weren’t really my thing.

We just casually chatted throughout the night and it somehow lead to karaoke. I'm not entirely sure which one of them brought the machine or where they got it from but it was there.

Let me tell you that I am absolutely tone deaf and should never be allowed to sing. I have completely accepted that as a fact and yet there is something alluring about a karaoke machine at a good time, I can’t resist. I just love the idea of karaoke itself; not doing something because you’re good at it but rather doing it for the fun of the moment.

Spick and Span went with We are the Stallions, I picked Kung Fu Fighting though I kept on getting caught out by every ‘everypony’ that replaced everybody for some reason. There were others songs sung but we decided to end it on a group We will Rock you.

The guys though completely shattered went back to their post, while I was pleasantly surprised at how well spread Queen was. I looked around the room and besides from the mess, I noticed the sudden brightness. I looked out the window and besides feeling fear and dizziness, I saw that it was somewhere around midmorning.

‘Whoa I must stay up through the night and I don’t feel a thing.’  I this isn’t the first all nighter I’ve had but normally I feel at least a little worn out by the end and yet I still feel wide awake.

‘It’s as if I just can’t burn through enough energy’ I worried to myself, there were a lot of things that happened that didn’t make sense and they were piling up.

I wondered what the specific time was, normally I would look at my phone but that was in my coat pocket along with my wallet, 2 pencils, 2 pens, 2 rubbers, bus card, emergency bus fair and passport. I picked up a package from the post office that Saturday and kept forgetting to put the passport away.

Unfortunately I didn’t know where my coat, trousers, shirt, shoes, socks and underwear was, all I had was this robe and it was annoying me with its flappyness.

Taking my mind off the flappy robe I remembered about the mess ‘guess I should tidy up a bit’ I shrugged as I got started.

There wasn't much but I still had to hide what rubbish I did have, though once I heard the hoof sounds through the ajar door the rubbish pretty much flew under my beds.

I rushed to the door to close it but I couldn’t resist quickly peeking out, I didn’t see anyone other than Spick and Span who are currently sleeping standing up. While impressed and slightly jealous I couldn’t help but notice the hoofsteps getting closer and almost sounding like more than two. The fact that they’re quadrupedal made counting sounds harder.

‘I better wake the guys, they’ll get in trouble if they’re caught and it’s kind of my fault they’re so tired’

That seemed simple enough until I realised I’ll have to quiet as possible so whoever is coming wouldn’t hear me.

“Guys” I whispered loudly, it was like trying to talk without using my voice but it did nothing.

“Wake Up” Still nothing.

‘How the heck do I wake to soldiers?’ I thought until an idea popped into my head.

I readied my gruffest whisper possible as I barked “AttentION!”

They jolted awake shouting “Sir Yes Sir!” and “I Just Wanna Dance!”

‘Wait wha huh?’ At this time I feel that me and Spick just thought the same thought while giving Span a suddenly confused look.

‘Well I guess he does have the legs for it.’

I took a moment to shake the images of dancing Span and by rhyming association dancing spam out of my head.

“Moving on, guys someone’s coming so look... not comatose and also Spick you got a bit of drool right here.” I said gesturing to my left mouth corner.

“Oh thanks.” He nodded rubbing the dried saliva away “did I get it?”

I gave him a quick check “you’re good” I said with a thumbs up hoping he gets the meaning from the context.

We looked down the hall noticing that the sound was getting closer. “You better get back in Jon.”

“Thanks guys, hope that ointment does the trick Span” poor guy, his armour was chafing him bad.

He just nodded while already standing in pose as was Spick so I took it as a queue to withdraw my head into my room. Quickly giving it a once over I noticed my drawing were somewhat dishevelled from when Spick and Span were looking through them. Quickly tidying them my mind went back to wondering what was approaching if not the princesses.

‘What if its the four horsemen of the apocalypse? Wait they’re ponies so wouldn’t it be the four horseponies of the apocalypse? But they wouldn’t ride horses would they. I guess the roundabout equivalent when comparing what I know as a horse to these guys would be gorillas for humans? So then it would be the four gorillaponies of the apocalypse?... huh, I never knew that I always wanted to see gorilla riding ponies.’

There was a knocking at the door.

I sighed at the fact I was needlessly stressing myself ‘well if I want to find out there’s only one thing to do.’

“Come in”

chapter 6

The door opened slowly but steadily as a cream coloured unicorn came in. Judging from the fact it was a little smaller than the guys and had a fancy maid uniform on I figured it was a female.‘Wait what was the female for horses and ponies again? I know stallions are the guys but what were the girls? Aww man this is going to drive me nuts.’

She had dark red hair which she wore in a pony tail and a pony tail with the same colour somehow also tied into a pony tail. ‘huh a pony tail tied into a pony tail... that doesn't sound like that should work’ I thought as I watched her, I also noticed that she paid me absolutely no attention. It wasn't like she ignored me, it was more like she was completely used to me and I was no more unusual to her than a potted plant.

‘Please don’t notice that there’s a vase missing and also please see a doctor about that yellow eye glow thing, its worrying to say the least.’ I mentally pleaded but seriously, is that normal with talking ponies? Considering I'm from the world of non-talking ponies my perspective of normalcy is generally invalid right now.

I noticed that her big amber eyes had a soft yellow glow about them as she rolled out the empty trolleys of food, pushing them with her head. ‘Huh, I wonder if that’s the magic the guys were talking about? They did say unicorns are the ones who do the voodoo but is that it? Fair enough I can’t make my eyes glow but magic from unicorns? I guess I was expecting more, I really do need to keep my expectations low.’

She wheeled in a new fully loaded trolley and left as soon as she uncovered the food. ‘Seems a little rude to completely ‘nothing’ me but least there’s no hassle’ and while feeling right at home I realized that I was in fact hungry, again. ‘ok something is definitely up with me, I can’t sleep, I have a memory black out, I haven’t pooped in a while and I'm eating like a horse. Wait is that offencesive here? Eh I just won’t use equine related expressions while I'm here.’

I couldn’t put my finger on it, the food while tasting good just felt non-substantial after I ate it. ‘Oh well I guess I’ll have to eat more good free food while I have it... poor me.’ I sarcastically thought thus once again proving my British-ness while I tucked in.

Thankfully no one came knocking as I ate so I decided to spend the time to draw some more letting my mind relax a little and take a break from trying to add some logic to the situation.

I guessing it was somewhere near the afternoon judging from the fact that I completely polished off the food trolley with the grass and hay being the exception and had a phonebook pile of drawings. ‘I should’ve asked for a clock or some short of time telling device’

That thought instantly reminded me that the princesses said they’ll come back and I look like I'm lazing around taking advantage of their generosity. ‘Wait a sec... Am I a prisoner? They’re keeping me in a room, took my clothes, placed guards outside but I think they’re more meant to keep other ponies out than me in. No offence to Spick and Span or anyth-... holy shi-ah-ta they’re literally Spick ‘n’ Span, I just got that!... That’s so cool but what does it mean? Did their parents know each other? Are they actually very common names here? Did the guy who assigned them to each other have a sense of humour? What the heck was I thinking about again?’

A knock at the door and considering my vacant space between my ears was preoccupied my minor epiphany. Seriously though it’s my double rainbow and it blasted out every thought I should be having at this moment.

“Umm come in?” I wasn't quite sure who was there as I planned on telling everyone I’ll ever meet that I actually met two guys named Spick and Span.

The princesses casually trotted in ‘AH! What does a brain aneurism feel like again?’

“Afternoon, Jonathan Day.” Celestia greeted with a nod and a soft smile.

“We hope you slept well” Luna greeted in kind.

‘hmm I like to think if I did, I would have’

“Oh err afternoon princesses” I nodded back ‘I feel like I should be bowing but how do I do it from the seating position?’

“You look startled” Celestia commented while looking at me with eyes that could peel my brain like a banana for the soul-y goodness.

I let out a nervous chuckle and said “yeah I kinda forgot about this meeting ‘twice’ sorry” I smiled apologetically.

They both smiled back. “It’s ok Jon we all forget things. In any case I feel it’s a good sign” Celestia stated in a relaxed manor.

I gave her a confused look “really?” ‘Have I landed in a land where forgetfulness is celerbrated? If so then I'm a king, no wait... super king, oh yes I like the sound of that.’

“It shows that you are relaxed enough to forget which is a good step ‘trip more like’ in the right direction” Luna calmly explained. ‘I'm just going to pretend that made sense to me just to move this entire thing along.’

“ah ok then” these are the words I use most when I'm no longer interested in conversation  or have nothing meaningful to contribute to the subject.

The after conversation silence was as thick as concrete and with me being about 63 percent sure if I sneeze in front of royalty I'm getting shoved into the nearest volcano. Which knowing my luck right now the volcano will probably tell me his name is Joseph while he apologised politely ... and I will be ok with that.

‘has time stopped? Has my presence here in an alien space broke time? Was it something I ate? I tend to brake wind when I eat too fast but not time. Oh good frick ho-‘

“I believe you may have some questions for us” Celestia interrupting my thoughts about time breaking farts.

And after doing some self reflecting I find that I'm ok with that.

“Oh yes I do, sorry I just don’t know where to start”

They chuckled “It’s perfectly fine Jon, nopony ‘agian with the pony?’ can truly understand what you’re going through so just take as long as you need” Celestia comforted as Luna shot her a small and quick look.

‘I'm getting the feeling there’s a deadline here but I have to play dumb here, can’t let Spick ’n’ Span get in trouble for speaking to me so I'll pretend nothing happened. This is also a chance to clarify on some things like magic I just have to make them bring it up.’

“Ok lets umm start with something basic. You two are princesses right?”

They nodded casually.

“Ok. Of what exacty?”

‘In my opinion it’s a fair question. For all I know they could be just a pair of crazy talking ponies who co-rule a banana peel and a football named Wilson... sorry my bad, a hoofball named Wilson’

They looked at me blankly then at each other. They seemed to talk with non verbal looks or telepathy I mean they’re talking ponies nothing is impossible.

They looked back me and I think I saw a hint of embarrassment in Luna’s expression. Celestia on the other hand still had the expression of a stoned Easter Island head listening to Pink Floyd.

The blue pony gulped “Our apologies Jon, we should have introduced ourselves fully but we were anxious about meeting you”

‘You were anxious?! If it wasn't for a vase I would have pissed myself!’

“It’s ok, I can obviously understand that” I let out a light slightly surprised chuckle.

The two smiled gently looking relieved. “Well then let’s try this again shall we? I am the sun princess Celestia co-ruler of this land called Equestria.”

“And we are the moon princess Luna also co-ruler of Equestria”

‘Good gonads between the horns, the names and titles, I’m feeling so inadequate I may have to buy a sports car... or the really really cheap equivalent. How the hell am I suppose to respond to this? “I am a table cleaner named Jon and I draw... that’s it” I’m screwed with one of those special screws that only the manufactures and repair guys can undo aren’t I?’

“Wow err... ‘stuff it, let’s just be honest’ I have absolutely no idea how to respond to that” I stated dryly.

As they both chuckled at my situational ineptitude. I thought that I should take it as a good thing that I'm so pathetically laughable.

Anyway moving on.

“So I'm in E-quest-ria right now?”

‘That name means absolutely nothing to me, other than adding to the proof I'm no longer anywhere near home. Yeah as if the talking ponies weren’t all ready a giveaway.’

Celestia nodded “Yes, though more specifically you’re currently staying in our castle in the capital of Equestria called Canterlot.”

‘Well I already knew that from the guys but still I'm staying in a royal castle... I never thought I would ever be glad for constipation but here I am’

“Well umm thanks for the hospitality” I figured I better say something that doesn’t make me seem like a total freeloader

“You are most welcome, we were concerned that you may of felt trapped or imprisoned so we wanted to make you as comfortable as possible.” Luna said while sneaking a glance at my pile of drawings I had put to one side, I pretended not to notice so I don’t get sidetracked. It’s not that mind showing others but I have to ask these questions before I forget them.

“So is Equestria filled with ponies?”

“For the majority, yes, though there are many other creatures who share their own cultures and histories with our own for the mutual benefit of all.” Celestria said proudly sticking her chest out a little while Luna rolled her eyes slightly.

‘That felt a little rehearsed and does it mean that there’s other sentient life here? I hope there’s something with relatively human feet, I would like some shoes that wouldn’t be too much hassle to make. I’ll have to remember to ask about that.’

“Ok then, so is everyone like you two?” I already knew the answer to this from Spick and Span but again I needed to play dumb here.

Celtestia gave me a thoughtful look. “No Jon, you see that dream you about the winged pony wasn't a dream. In Equestria there are three main types of pony. The first is the Pegasai who fly and manage the skies. ‘Huh what the hell does that mean?’ Secondly there’s Earth ponies help cultivate and nurture our society with their natural intuition and knowhow. And then there are Unicorns, they use their vast knowledge and magical abilities to better understand the world around them.”

She took a deep sigh “my sister, I and a few others are what we call Alicorns ‘Ali- whats?’ a rare race of pony gifted with the natural abilities of all three. We use our power and wisdom to guide others to a beautiful harmony.”

‘Wow no offence to the guys but Celestia knows how to make a sale’ I thought as my mind analyzed the information that was just loaded. ‘What does “manage the skies” even mean? And again with magic. Seeing that I have yet to see a pony with hands or the much more likely; sleeves. I can assume it’s going to be something more than what the average human understands as magic. And also... THANK FRICK I NEVER SAID UNIPEG OUT LOUD!’

I noticed Luna looking to me “Jon?”

I snapped myself out of my head “Oh sorry, I was just thinking to myself”

Celestia gave me an understanding look. “If you need time to yourself just ask. We don’t have to continue if you don’t want to.” After she said that Luna shot her another slight look.

‘There’s definitely something going on here, I might as well go along with it. I don’t care what they’re playing at but if it means I can get things back to normal, I’ll play any game by any rules, simple as that. It’s better than the disgusting alternative.’

I smiled calmly “Nah its fine, I’m good to continue.”

‘Though I do have to know the rules first.’

“I do have a question though: What’s magic?”

They looked at me curiously but at the same time I saw something click in their minds like by asking that question I answered an important one of theirs.

“There is no magic where you are from?” Luna asked though again I got the feeling both of them already had their answer.

“Well I know the word magic but you probably have a different meaning for it.” By the way they both gave me perplexed look it obviously wasn't what they were expecting.

“Would you mind telling us your meaning?” Celestia asked me as I noticed the attention of both princesses was just squarely locked on me. Now to be honest I saw this conversation coming. You see because of the talk with the guys I was already prepared for this subject and I had a sort of mental script. I just couldn’t bring the subject up myself because if I did they’ll know that I’ve talked to someone else. So in order to fake inorance I needed them to bring it up.

Which lets you know that what I'm about to say isn’t pulling it out of my butt, plus I have actually spent some time thinking about it on the bus. Yeah in case you haven’t noticed I'm a bit of a day dreamer.

“There’s three main meanings really. One meaning is that it’s all a trick, optical illusion, smoke and mirrors. The second is a pseudo explanation for the stuff that happens but no one is specifically sure how it happens.

“The third I guess ‘from what I can remember from my book reading days as a kid’ is a form of refined energy ‘the raw form being called mana.’ used by those skilled enough to make spells out of it. This meaning was created and used for fantasy purposes, like stories and such. All boil down to one point; it’s not real.” I shrugged, I mean I believe what I'm taught but I also choose to believe that’s not all there is to learn. So if there’s more to see then I’ll keep my eyes open.

The two unip- I mean alicorns looked at me stunned and confused ‘And the monkey writes Shakespeare! Though I’m thinking I should’ve pretended I was mute that would have made things so much simpler. Still I'm glad I never said unipeg out loud, I wonder if it would have been like calling a Chinese guy Japanese, they will punch you. I'm also guessing from the awkward silence that wasn't the expected answer. Did time actually stop this time? It’s such a tease.’

The princesses took a moment before their minds snapped back to the moment. Luna was the first to talk “My, we weren’t expecting such a... detailed answer”

‘Yeah and I wasn't expecting talking ponies to be present at any point of my life. So out of between unexpected answers and unexpected sentience, I think I win, I also think that’s not a good thing.’

“Did I say something wrong?”

Celestia looked at me with no hint of confusion but rather sympathy. “No, not at all Jon we were just stunned from your openness.”

I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck making sure not to be too open. “Well I figured that the more open I am about anything you want to know, the faster this admittedly messed up situation gets resolved ya know?”

The pair nodded showing that they understood that even though I’ve been thrown into this unreal situation I’m still willing to do whatever it takes to rectify it.

“That is a mature and sensible way to look at it.” Celestia smiled but the way she said it ticked me off a little. ‘Jeez that’s a tone a teacher takes when they congratulate a 10-year old who realises that what the bullies say doesn't matter.’ I have few pet peeves but the main one is being patronised, it just pisses me off. The same goes for being touched by someone I'm not too familiar with if at all and something concerning my friends but seeing that I currently have none it’s fairly moot.

But I swallowed my anger, ‘it isn’t worth it, not for something so minute, let’s just move on shall we?’

“Thanks” I said with a practiced smile. Unexpectedly I felt a small very solid rumble from somewhere south from my stomach. ‘What the hell was that? Wait... oh no’

“Do you mind if we ask more about you?” Luna asked obviously no longer affected by what I previously said.

“Sure I’ll answer anything.” A second rumble definitely the caused by the movement of my bowels split my attention 70/30.

“Glad to hear, we must address the fact that like you and our species, we have no information on yours”

‘Other than what you guessed but I did the same thing so I can’t really say anything’

Something began to move deep inside. 60/40

“I understand what would you like to know?” ‘I’m going to have to speed this meeting along. I'm not entirely sure if there’s a punishment for... off-loading in front of princesses mainly because I highly doubt there has been anyone dumb enough to do that. If there was I'm betting it will involve many pointy things.’ I have an allergy with pointy things being pointed at and/or into me, it causes me to leak blood and guts.

And now it’s entered the final stretch. 40/60

“Anything ‘clench’ you ‘clench’ are ‘clench’ able ‘clench’ to ‘clench’ share.” Celestia assured me though at this time I was wishing she’ll just tell me what she wants.

30/70

Luna joined in the conversation. “We understand that you may feel that you need to hold back ‘you bet ya sweet bippy I need to hold back’ but the more you share, the more we’ll be able to help you.” ‘Unless you plan to wipe I highly doubt it!’ I yelled with my desperate eyes, unaware that I might have accidently uncovered a new internet fetish.

20/80

‘Fine, if they want me to spill without restraint, FINE! I will... in the non-bed-messing way I mean.’

“Ok fine but for the sake of covering everything I’ll start from the beginning” the two looked at me obviously unsure of what was about to happen.

I took a deep breath. ‘if I’m going to do this, I'm going to do all of it. In for a penny, in for pound and all that.’

“My name is Jonathan Dae. That’s J O N A T H A N, D A E, many confuse the spelling of my last name for Day as in part of the week when in fact it’s spelled the same way as the dae in sundae as in the ice-cream. Also some spell the jon part of my name with a H but that’s normally only when a person’s whole name is John not Jonathan. The ‘than’ part can also be mixed with ‘thon’ because of how my name is pronounced the sounds are really similar.

“I am a human, the technical term I think is homo sapien, male, 23 years old, slightly above average height and of broad build. Both parents are dead. I live on my own and I work as a restaurant associate which is a fancy way of say saying table cleaner. I live in the United Kingdom more specifically a generally unknown town called Swindon. I like to draw though I mainly only draw what I can imagine, by the way feel free to look I don’t mind, I don’t like doing still life or portraits or stuff like. I generally like all animals though I wouldn’t go as far to say I'm an animal lover. Cats fear me while I'm afraid of heights, mascot costumes, mannequins and babies. I need small routines, I hate silence I always need some noise or something to distract my mind else I get stir crazy. I'm terrified that I'm going to mess up in such a monumentally mythical way that you’ll toss me into a very polite volcano named Joseph. ‘oh man, it’s going to be a photo finish here, wrap it UP!’  LikegoonaselfobsessiverantaboutmygenerallifeallbecauseI'mREALLYbloodydesperatefortheloo.”

I took their stunned silence as an opportunity to get up and casually walk to toilet. On the way there I figured to myself that I would much prefer a final toilet break than a final dinner before my execution. I mean if you think about what the human body is sometimes known to do after it dies. A final toilet break is just better for everyone’s sake.

chapter 7

Here’s the thing with pony toilets; they’re holes.

One hole on a short platform, it still had a flusher and everything but to do what I had to it meant to aim and squat. You know those airport guys with the glowsticks? Yeah I could have really done with some miniature versions of those guys.

So skipping over the process, you’re welcome by the way. The end result gave me reason to believe that all statues of fat Buddha are based on some fat guy on the toilet. Mainly because I was having the same being-one-with-the-universe expression.

Then I remember that said universe hates me and I had the paradox-ing granddaddy/grandson of all known and unknown cases verbal diarrhoea in front of two ponies whom no one would question if I just disappeared.

So as my last act before wiping my butt and washing my hands was can you guess?...

I had to check out my work, I mean come on we all do it specially if we had corn the previous night.

‘oh... I really don’t want to exist anymore’

Over the course of last night I have had several trips to the toilet. While luminescent urine is unsettling at first. Once I thought of writing my name in the snow and in the dark I found my piece with it. Oh how I wish it ended there.

Looking at it glow and float there. My mind became full of confusing fragmented thoughts that sounded like T.V static, each one was a vain attempt to explain the situation. Though only one was solid enough to make sense of.

‘If I flush this and it turns out there’s like crocodiles in their sewers or something, would I make Godzilla? OH GOOD GONAD! The teenage mutant ninja turtles! Through the power of my alien poop... Worst... Origin... Ever.’

Yeah ‘make sense’ may not have been the right choice of words.

So far my alien powers if properly handled could be the makings a very unpopular rave. While trying to think of a way to punch the universe in the balls for my general life I tried to think of how this could have happened.

‘Ok so this is impossible but so are talking ponies so yeah... right it’s obvious that they never seen a human before so it’s likely that I'm alien to this entire planet. That would also mean I'm just as alien to them as they are to me but one thing at a time. Maybe it was something I ate that caused this? But that wouldn’t explain the pee; I did that before eating anything. So then why? Maybe it’s the planet itself like in the air or something.’

I cross my arms and closed my eyes to concentrate and tried to imagine myself on the bus. ‘The body expels anything it doesn't need or has a surplus of it, which is why pee gets clearer the more water you drink. The body can only absorb so much, it has to get rid of the rest. So assuming whatever’s the cause of the glow was inside me and not just some reaction with a waste thing common in human pee and ploop had with the air. Then I absorbed something that did it but what?’

Oddly enough this isn’t the first or the most in-depth thoughts I’ve had on human waste. That’s right, I am just that bored at work.

A knock at the bathroom door and my eyes shot open. “Jon, is everything all right in there?” Celestia’s voice called sounding genuinely concerned about me, it still feels weird.

‘No I made your toilet into the Ark of The Covenant. There’s a very real chance it’ll melt your faces.’

“Yeah it’s coo-... ‘Ah screw it’ actually no. It’s not alright, none of it is even generally right” I gave in. I just couldn’t deal with it anymore.

“What is it? What’s wrong?!” this time it was Luna’s sounding just as concerned as it dropped all formality, though I also heard shuffling of papers which was kind of weird.

‘I hate your world and the steaming pile its dumping on me and you two for making me feel so guilty for making you worry.’ I sighed to myself letting go of the frustration and laughed at the pathetic logic of me trying anything at all. “You know what? I really have no idea how to explain it”

There was a moment of calm silence where I assume the princesses looked to each other in slight confusion over my words. “Jon, we’re coming in” Celestia announced as a matter fact way. Letting me know there was nothing I could say or do to stop her not that I could think of any but still.

I watched as the edges of the door glowed a golden-wheat yellow it reminded me of something but I couldn’t remember what. The door opened by itself, normally this would cause me to get defensive but I just didn’t want to deal with anymore stuff today. I’m kind of starting to hope that they’ll lock me away somewhere and just leave me alone.

Celestia was the first to walk in, then Luna. They both looked at me as I greeted them with none of my ordinary awkwardness instead just a tired and indifferent expression longing for some lost normalcy.

I gestured to the toilet not caring what happens anymore. They both gave me an odd look but realised it wasn't a joke. Celestia peered in and any metaphorical mask she was wearing fell, as her eyes dilated and jaw dropped a little.

‘Well there goes the hope of this being a little normal around here.’

I could see the wheels turning in Celestia’s mind, she knew what it was more so than I. She was just thinking of a best course of action as limited as they may be.

“Luna, take Jon out of here and hide him somewhere safe.” Celestia said in a calm but stern manner.

‘Wait what?’

“Sister?” Luna looked to Celestia wondering what was going on. Not as much as I was but hey I’ve been here for less than a week, as far as i can tell, and let’s face it I'm breaking down over poop.

“Please, I’ll explain later” Celestia said pleadingly, turning to Luna as her horn glowed the same colour as the door.

Luna also noticed this and nodded “very well, come Jon.”

“Uh wha?” was all I managed as I realised I was a part of the conversation. Giving Celestia a quick look and all I could see was a mix of surprise and fear. Not fear of me personally but a general fear of something.

“You must follow us quickly” Luna urged trotting out, though I don’t completely trust them I still figure that they still know more than I do so I started to follow.

Only to come back and wash my hands to the surprised looks of the alicorns.

“Sorry I forgot.” I simply justified but to be honest if I didn’t wash it would drive me nuts. I always wash after using the bathroom even if I haven’t done anything and no it’s not a germ thing, it’s a routine thing.

So after getting an irritated look from Luna I followed her out of the room and into the corridor. Let’s say this, whoever made this place must have had a huge one for marble, seriously the walls, ceiling and floor. All marble, the only reason why I'm not slipping on my butt right now is the red carpet which in all fairness felt bloody marvellous on my bare feet.

There was no sign of Spick or Span but I could hear the hurried trots of an uncountable amount of ponies. Though I should add I could also hear an odd metallic clacking among the hooves.

“Put the hood up and try to stay as low as you are able to Jon.” Luna ordered in an advisory sort of way.

I nodded putting my hood up and crouching as low as I can while still being able to walk though now it’s more like a waddle.

Luna hurried but she was obviously slowing herself for my sake and though I knew the reason I still had a part of me that hated it.

Right turn, left turn, so many turns I wouldn’t be able to find myself so... there goes my journey of self-discovery and I was looking forward to it to.

Luna never said a word but I could tell most of her mind was preoccupied with what I showed her in the toilet. This in a different context would make this a completely different fanfic.

She stopped suddenly and popped up a wing making sure I didn’t accidently pass her. I got the hint and stopped while trying keep my stature as small and low as possible. I heard more hoof steps, I figured she heard or noticed them before I did hence the stop.

Numerous chatting voices followed the hoof steps now. The princess was panicky swivelling her head looking something that the hood of my monk robe hid from me.

“You must find someplace to hide” she stated still looking around

“Wait I thought that was where you were taking me to begin with?” I questioned. I made it a personal practice to follow routines I set for myself for the day. So a day where I talk to pony princesses, poop what I assume to be uranium and run aimlessly through a castle is a confusing day to say the least.

“Jon I promise I’ll keep you safe but right now we cannot allow anypony ‘anypony, seriously? That’s going to get annoying after a while.’ to come into contact with you yet, so please just trust us”

“Ok, ok I get it but that doesn't change the fact that I stick out like a sore thumb ‘in a place where I'm the only one with thumbs’ anywhere I go.” I reasoned.

Luna’s eyes locked onto something behind me. “We know, so for now quickly hide behind those doors.” The alicorn pointed to a pair of familiarly plain looking doors with her hoof.

“But what am I suppose-”

“Jonathan Dae ‘whoa, mum-using-the-whole-name flashback’ we know you are confused and you have every right to be. We cannot possibly understand what it is like to find yourself in the situation you are in. That is why Celestia and myself are trying to spare you from experiences you might not be ready for.”

There was something about that sentence that just pissed me off. It was this anger I always felt whenever someone would assume something about me. I can’t really describe it but it just makes me grind my teeth and clench my fists, it didn’t matter if they were right or wrong I just hated it.

“Ok.” I said as I straightened up, mostly because my back ached but also because I wanted a more serious looking stance. “I understand where you’re coming from. But here’s my view point; you’re the ones saying all this about me trusting you guys and I'm going along not out of trust but out of bloody necessity! Yet all I can see is that you two, for whatever reason, are too afraid to even think about trusting me! What kind of bellicks is that?!

You don’t think I can’t see you two treating me with like a caged animal? Making sure no one comes near me and why?! I’ve got no clue and all because you two can’t trust me to use such a basic level of common sense that if I didn’t have it, I wouldn’t fricking be here! Ok fine you have your reasons but why the frick should I care about that?!”

You haven’t given me a reason to trust that you’re leading me away from danger only reason to fear that you might be putting me in a smaller cage! But I still follow. You know why? Because what other choice have you bloody given me?!” I shouted at her.

I failed to notice that the hoofs and voices all fell silent or that she, a princess and going by Celestia’s words a supremely powerful being, actually took a step back from me.

I always forget how intimating my size and timber of my voice can be when I'm angry. I never mean it to but it was like the difference between a happy guy holding a bat and an angry guy holding a bat. When I was younger I would get angry without even knowing it and I start yelling thinking that I'm just trying to get my point across.

I thought I had enough control now, I’ve definitely had enough therapy on it but every now and then it sneaks up. And as you can guess, it’s very hard to stop what you don’t see coming.

I sighed deeply ‘I did it again, didn’t I? I really hoped that i grew out of it already. Well that's what i get for expectations and I’m not smart enough to back-peddle and I'm not wrong so I might as well try to explain and stay calm.’ “Listen, I’ll do what you want only because I recognize that you know a lot more than I do, that isn’t trust, its logical thinking. And if you want me to really trust that you are looking out for me then you need to trust me to adapt to this situation. Just tell me you’re rules and I’ll follow the best I can.” I practically growled at her.

There was no response, only silence. All I could hear was my own heartbeat which was abnormally loud by my perspective.

After what felt like a hour the princess spoke up in a much more formal tone than before though that was to be expected. “You must remain calm, do not allow anypony to see you and Do. Not. under any circumstances go outside”

As she said the last part, her words felt particularly heavy. Almost like she doesn’t expect me to stay completely calm in a situation this hectic and she expects that the second request to be bended if the situation calls for it. But she made it clear, in words, tone and body language that I was not to go outside for any reason.

I nodded, that was all I needed to show that I got it. ‘I should apologise for blowing up like that’ I thought as I opened my mouth to say but hurried hooves interrupted me.

Instead I just followed her orders and rushed behind the doors going into my low-mode.

It’s kitchen, the kind made for restaurants. I who pretty much all his working hours in a kitchen that was tight enough for a 6ft 1 guy like myself as it is. Has woken up in forest, chased by a manticore, passed out, woke up on a small bed, blacked out, woke up in a box, fell out and then woke up in castle. Has somehow ended up going through generic kitchen doors into a generic kitchen that was designed for beings much smaller than he is.

‘...’

‘MARES! Female ponies are called mares.’ I hate my brain I really do.