One day Twilight Sparkle woke up. Waking up was something that Twilight found herself doing from time to time, almost on a daily basis. Almost. A lot of the time her studies would get in the way of that, keeping her awake for days on end. But pondering Twilight Sparkle's sleeping habits would make for a boring story, so there was a knock at the door. Then another two in quick succession. I'm not allowed to delete my sentences from this point on. Twilight opened the door. Nopony was there. Twilight turned around and- HOLY CRAP DISCORD WITH ORANGE HORNS IS IN YOUR HOUSE!
It's a new paragraph. You are Twilight Sparkle. After jumping through the ceiling and into your bedroom (you told spike to clean up the mess) you realize that Discord is in your domain, and, (sigh) you should go talk to him. You proceed to walk downstairs. Discord is hiding under a bridge. How did a bridge get in the library? It's Discord. You ask Discord how the bridge got in the library.
It's a new paragraph. You are Discord. No wait, scratch that.
It's a new paragraph. You are the troll. The perplexed unicorn asks you about the origins of your domain, the bridge of the east. You inform her of the bridge's historical impact on society and how it was built in this very spot generations ago by your old grandfather- he was a troll as well. You don a mustache because it fits your trollish ways.
It's a new paragraph. You are Twilight Sparkle.
WHY THE BUCK DOES HE HAVE A MUSTACHE?
It's a new paragraph. You are spike the dragon. Once again you find yourself fraught with emotional drama about your sub-average life. Or is it sub-average? You don't know any dragons. You will never find true love. You are not a dragon, but a twisted pony trapped in the body of a heartless monster. One day you'll show them all. One day, all will be flame. You clean up the mess Twilight made when she jumped through the ceiling.
It's a new paragraph. You are the writer. Things just got meta. You write things just got meta, but look! You already did. You check the word count. 387. Not bad. Not half done either. Didn't we write something about a tank pun in the description? You remember deciding to include a tank pun when you saw his character come up when you checked the box marked Twilicorn. Let's start a new paragraph.
It's a new paragraph. You are a tank. But you're also a turtle and a tortoise. In the future, when Discord leaves, he throws you at Twilicorn and says "shell you later." But that is in the future, it hasn't happened yet. You will pretend you don't know the pun already.
It's a new paragraph. You are rainbow dash. Where the buck did your tortoise go?
It's a new paragraph. Using voice chat now you can only think that thing doesn't mess up a ball it probably won't
It's a new paragraph. You are the writer. Your thumbs are tired. Speech to text sucks.
Its a new paragraph. You are the Twilicorn. Discord insists that he is not Discord and is rather a troll. The entire library has become a scene from a bad movie. You barely resist the urge to scream "they're eating her, and they're going to eat me. Oh my celestiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" but you do. Discord is not amused.
Its a new paragraph. You check the word count. 618. Need more, but more than halfway. Lets go on to Discord.
It isn't a new paragraph. Discord won't let us continue unless we refer to him as "Mr. The Troll the third." Lets go on to Mr. TTTT.
It's a new paragraph. You are Mr. TTTT. You pity the troll. You troll the pity. You live in a hat. Twilight wants you to get out of her hat. It belonged to star swirl the bearded. You refuse. Twilight asks you to ditch the Mohawk. You refuse, and continue to pity the troll from within the hat. You acquire a tank named tortoise. Rainbow Dash is furious.
It's a new paragraph. You check the word count 100 words later because you have a problem and need to stop. Why the hell must you write on an IPhone?
It's a new paragraph. You realize that Fluttershy isn't in this story. Fuck that you're Fluttershy. You have no choice to give this thing a teen rating now, but you can't undo the sentence. You are still Fluttershy. You feel sorry for writing that curse word, even though you didn't mean to...
It's a new paragraph, and you stop yourself from checking the word count. You realize the sheer amount of shit you have to capitalize for this story to be grammatically correct. Dammit now you almost checked the word count again. Stop! There is no need to-
It's a new paragraph. 863. Exactly 100 more or less from my last check. That is just spooky. You giggle at the ghostly word count but it remains. You suddenly remember what this fic is about.
It's a new paragraph. You are Twilight Sparkle. You have had just about enough of Discord's bullcrap. He is currently wearing a doc brown wig, troll horns, standing in a hat, and yelling about flying 88 miles per hour and bulletproof vests.
It's a new paragraph. You are Jessie Pinkman. What the hell, bitch!
Its a new paragraph. You are a turtle named tortoise. You like dash rainbow. You are a pun. 973 words. That is a lot. Discord reached into the hat. He pulled out tank. "Well, I hate to say goodbye, but, shell ya later!"
Fuck puns.
Author's Note
Well, 1000 words exactly. I doubt this gets published, but we'll see.
