Ah'm Not Infected

by MoltenXKid

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Big Macintosh, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2398

A terrible infection has devastated the stallion population. All except Big Macintosh. A very Lucky stallion. In more ways than one.

How much time has passed the poor farmer stallion by as he lazed away on his farm? He doesn't know, but one thing is certain. All the mare in this town are apparently crazy.

(Thanks to Princess Glitzy for finding the original source and allowing me to correctly give credit to the artist : http://tobibrocki.deviantart.com/art/Six-Mares-a-Kissing-421712733 )

Published 2014-02-20 16:50:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-20 16:50:05 UTC

The Chase

Author's Note

Cough...yeah...Cough...uh....just don't stone me when you're done okay.

The Chase

The day was bright and sunny as Big Macintosh leaned against a tree high on a hill. The location was seamlessly perfect because it overlooked Ponyville and the surrounding areas. Mac sighed with relief. It had been a long while since he just sat back and relaxed. What added even more bliss to this day was one of Mac’s favorite foods-Sunflower seeds. Apples were his number one, but the seeds were a close second. Feeling the need for another mouth full, he reached his hoof into the bag next to him.

“Aww dangnabit. Ah’m out of seeds just when this day was getting good.” Mac stated to himself. He looked towards the sky. Judging by the sun, the markets should still open. If he hurried, he would make it just in time to buy more seeds, and be back to his favorite spot in no time. Without hesitation, he grabbed his saddle and left.

It took him a short amount of time to reach the markets, yet shorter than usual. He trotted normally and noticed something…off. The mare to stallion ratio was completely one sided. Of course, Equestria had always had a higher mare count, but today, there was no stallion in sight. He shook the thought out his head and walked to the Sunflower seed stand, completely unaware of the mare attention his was getting.

The stand owner’s name, coincidently, was Sunflower. When she saw Mac approaching, her jaw dropped. “Uh…a bag of sunflower seeds, please.” Mac said pulling out four bits. The usual price.

“Uhh yeah…”Sunflower giggled,” Give me a second…hey Mac…are you feeling alright? No fevers, coughing, still fertile?”

“Eeyup.” Mac turned to look around. Now he noticed all the female attention his was getting. Stares, dropped jaws, and even the occasional drool. This was all normal, yet today, it was more intense. He turned back to Sunflower and she pounced. Not prepared for it, Mac landed on his back with a mare ontop of him. She, being pretty rough, tried to kiss him and was being a bit grabby. Mac forced her off, got up, and looked around again. This time all the mares were slowly surrounding him. The air was still and the drop of a pin could be heard until-

“I call DIBS!!” yelled a random mare. After that, all the mares began running towards Mac. This…he wasn’t use to, so he turned to run to the nearest land mark-Twilight’s library. If anything, she may know what’s going on. Luckily for him, he was faster than the mares ,made it to the library, and quickly barricaded himself inside. There he saw Twilight reading a book.

“Hey Mac?” She said it almost as a question.

“Eeyup…Uh could you explain why mares are chasing me.” Mac replied.

“Uhh yeah…”Twilight said,” Give me a second…hey Mac…are you feeling alright? No fevers, coughing, still fertile?”

“Eeyup.”

“Okay. Meet me upstairs in five minutes.”

The time passed slowly, but when it did, Mac quickly trotted upstairs. Maybe, he shouldn’t because nothing would have prepared him for what he saw. Twilight was lying on her bed surrounded by lit candles. A deep blush set in on her cheeks.

“You see Mac, while you were on Sweet Apple Acres away from civilization; a bad infection attacked the male population. It spread quickly from one stallion to the other. That’s why I asked those questions. Don’t worry, though. It’s been eradicated. The only problem was that it left every stallion infertile, bed ridden and well…look at the date. ”

Mac looked at the calendar and reared back in shock. It was mating season…how long had he been on the farm? “Just think, Big Mac. Our foal can have my brains and your muscle.” He heard Twilight say. In his mind he countered, “Or maybe your muscle and my brain.”

Mac looked back at Twilight, who happened to be reading a book titled “5 Steps to Successful Coitus.” He sighed. He had been with mares in his life time, but not just out of the blue. He liked to get to know the mare and build a relationship, but this wasn’t it. He needed to get out, but as he tried to sneak away Twilight would put up a magic barrier. Trapped. Thinking on his feet, Mac grabbed a hoof full of books and tossed them on the ground. Twilight immediately went to reorganize them. Taking this small window of time, Mac ran back outside and quickly the mare mob found him again. He ran once more.

The mob was slow compared to him, which was good. He could keep his distance and be safe. That was until he saw her- Rainbow Dash. She was coming faster than…damn. Mac was never good at making idioms. That didn’t stop Dash who appeared to have some sort of pump device in her hoofs. Gears in Mac’s head started turning as he started galloping faster. It was futile. Dash was above him in the air and she started reaching for his mane. He needed to stop her and that’s when he saw a sign- A literal sign hanging above the street. As long a Dash didn’t see it, she would collide with it. So Mac looked at her and did his best smile. The one he used to swoon all the mares, yet it didn’t work. Dash only let off an annoyed look and continued to reach for Mac until BAM! She collided with the sign and animatedly peeled off and fell in the crowd of stampeding mares.

The poor farmer needed a place to hide. Unfortunately, every door was locked except for one fancy looking dress shop. He ventured in and felt a hard item hit his head. To the floor he went; unconscious. He awoke to the sound of a lovely and proper voice.

“Sorry, darling, but it was the only way to secure you.” Said the voice.

Groggy, Mac could see a white mare…unicorn perhaps?

“With you being the last fertile stallion, I just had grab you. That’s why I locked every door except my own. Now that you are here, we can commence with business.”

Mac felt a hard slap across his face which immediately jolted him awake. In his vision now, was Rarity who was wearing black stockings and red lipstick. She did look appealing, but like before, Mac liked to build a relationship. He tried to move, yet he was in a chair with his hooves tied behind his back. “This outfit is of my own design. It provides the max amount out looks and…pleasure.” Rarity looked a Mac with a sly look, “Just let me find more items and the fun can begin.”

“Eenope.” Mac whispered as he slowly moved himself and the chair towards a window. He was high up, but he’d survive a fall.

He took a big gulp and jumped. “HA! I found the lu-“ Rarity was interrupted by a shattered window and big thump. She looked out the window, and saw a broken chair and rope stained with small amounts of blood.

Big Mac, with a small cut on his shoulder, ran to the Everfree Forest. He’ll be safe there...for a while at least. The further he went, the safer he was. He’d rather be with those creatures than sex crazed mares…he stopped to think. That statement wasn’t entirely true. Maybe the mares weren’t so bad. He walked and thought until something yellow caught his attention. It was Fluttershy who happened to be bathing in a pond by her house. She began singing and Mac couldn’t help but follow her voice.

“OH! Hello, Big Macintosh,”Fluttershy whispered as she flipped her wet mane, “I didn’t see you there…”

“Eenope.” Mac stated and he turned to leave. It was an obvious trap, but a good one. As he walked away, Fluttershy began to sing again and Mac stopped in his tracks. He wanted desperately to go back and listen to her sing, but he knew the consequences, so, heartbroken, he kept walking until a pink blur interrupted him.

“HeyBigMacDoesThisSmellLikeChloroform!” he heard.

“Eey-“

When he awoke, he was in a basement, strapped down to a table. The smell of cupcakes was intoxicating, and one flickering light bulb provided dim light. He could only sigh and struggle to free himself. He was abruptly stopped when he heard the cracking of a whip which was followed by a bright light. His pupils adjusted and hew saw Pinkie Pie wearing a leather dominatrix outfit. In her mouth was the whip, in her hoof was a paddle, and hanging on the wall was an outfit for Mac.

“I thought I’d have a little fun with the last fertile stallion in Equestria…and keep him to myself.” She giggled and cracked the whip. She began to bounce to the stallion and entered his personal space. From there, things got weird. She began sniffing him, pulling his skin, feeling him, and biting him…hard. Her reasoning was to make sure he was “Ripe” for mating. (Not to say he didn’t like the attention.)

“Are you ready for something sweet?” Asked Pinkie.

“Eenope…”

“Well, too bad silly. There are no brakes on the Pinkie Tr-“

Just then, a door exploded open and hoof steps could be heard walking down a flight of stairs. “Pinkie Pie…where’s ma brother?” Mac heard his sister say.

“Over here, but you can’t have him!” Pinkie gave Mac a childish hug and put on her best Puppy dog face.

“Sorry, this is not the Apple family way of making a foal…especially this.”Applejack said while pulling away Pinkie’s whip. She unstrapped Mac, gave him a cloak to conceal his identity, and they ran off to Sweet Apple Acres. Pinkie, whose hair deflated, began to sulk. How would she get a foul now? Then an idea hit her, but first, she needed a griffon.

“Hey, Applejack,”Mac said, “This isn’t a trick to get me to uh…you know.”

“Mac…you’re my brother. That’s nasty. Anyway, you and I both know I can control ma urges better than that. Now I need you to hide out in the barn till everypony is outta heat. You got that?”

“Eeyup.”

Hide he did. For two days he waited in the barn. Applejack would bring him food, water; she even moved the old outhouse inside for him. By his count, he still had three weeks till mating season was over. Oh well. Today, he waited longer than usual for lunch. Usually Applejack came around noon, but today she was late. He listened close and heard shuffling outside the barn door. Logically that must be her. Probably having a hard time with the tray of food, so Mac opened the barn door, and was regretful he did.

Outside, every mare in ponyville, and even Zecora had surrounded the barn and were eagerly waiting for him to open it. In the distance, he saw Applejack tied to a tree. He looked in the crowd of mares. Each one looked at him with either a lustful or feral look. For a second, he was getting scared. A couple stood out to him, though. Cheerilee was in a schoolmare outfit, Rarity was still in her stockings, Mayor Mare decided to wear a suit with a high skirt and let her mane flow freely, Pinkie had changed outfits, but still wore dominatrix clothing, and Rainbow Dash was wearing a more mature version of Wonderbolts outfit. They all looked appealing and Mac knew it was game over. He had been caught; nowhere to run or hide. Yet, they didn’t immediately swarm him…like they were waiting on some queue and he knew what it was.

“Eeyup.” He simply stated.

After that, every mare earth, unicorn, pegusus, and the one zebra swarmed Mac. It all went like a blur, but Mac could remember one thing:

That was the best day of his life.

Epilogue

Mac laid in the hospital bed with a cast covering his entire lower half. It had been twelve months since the “incident” and he hadn’t left this spot. Doctors said it would take another three months for him to entirely heal. Not a problem. Mac enjoyed the rest and relaxation. As he closed his eyes to sleep, he heard the door to his room open.

“Mail for Big Macintosh!” yelled a gray, no-longer pregnant, Pegasus mare.

“Uhh you can sit it next to me.” Mac replied.

The Pegasus obliged and she dragged in a bag that looked to be filled with letters. She sat it within Mac’s hoof reach. As she did, a slight blush appeared on her cheeks and she hurriedly flew out. He knew why she blushed but didn’t call her out on it. He simply retrieved the mail bag and grabbed the first letter on top. He opened it and read. To his surprise, it was a letter thanking Mac for the favor he’d done and told him that he was now the father of a chubby baby colt. It even had a picture which showed how big the colt was. It didn’t matter, though. The colt would eventually fill out and reach Mac’s stature.

Excited, Mac opened up letter after letter. Each one kept adding more good news. Each letter stated more colts, more fillies, and even some twins that were all ranging in shape, race, size, and colour. Big Macintosh was now a proud father. Plus, he ensured the next generation of ponies in Equestria. He knew they would grow up strong; the Apple family seed did that.

Mac finished reading the last thank you letter. It had been from Pinkie Pie and the most extravagant. It involved confetti, streamers, music, and she somehow appeared with the red-pink colt. They both were escorted out with haste. Now that Mac finished opening the letters, he decided it was now time to sleep.

“Don’t sleep yet, Equestria’s Hero.” Mac heard a voice say, “You job is not yet finished.”

Mac opened his eyes once again. What he saw he couldn’t believe.

“Don’t worry my champion. It’ll all be over soon. We just have to make sure that Equestria has a ruler just in case something should happen to me. Now, shush.”

“Oh Celestia…”

“Don’t worry, Luna will be here shortly.”

Author's Note

I felt as if this was needed. That is all.