Welcome to Wherever You Are

by Dude With No Life

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Human, Romance
Length: 7228

My name is, or was, John. . .I found myself in a land of magical talking ponies, and the strangest part is, I'm not so sure I want to leave.

My name is John. I woke up in a land of magical technicolor talking ponies, that was so new, but so close to Earth. Now I'm trapped, I can never go home, I'm forced to rely on these ponies to survive, as nations clamor for the knowledge in my head. . .all I want is peace, but it doesnt look like that will happen. . .
(Paused while I try and find a way out of the corner I wrote myself into. If you dont see anything for a while, bug me about it.)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-27 05:10:32 UTC

Chapter 1

     My name is John. And I know you're expecting a sob story about how life hates me, how I never had anything, same old song and dance.

    The truth is I had it pretty good. Stuff-wise, anyway, I had all the things and such I wanted. Well, I could have blown a few million in a music store or gun shop, but what 17 year old cant?

      I suppose I had it pretty good in the family department too. I had parents who loved me and each other, and a good friend who was like a brother. I wasnt abused, neglected or anything, not by my family anyway. It was more that they payed too much attention to me. It was always what they needed and what i could be going to and where I should be in a few years. Too be honest it was rather smothering, confining, and downright annoying.

     And while life and I don't quite like each other, we have funny ways of playing jokes on each other. I continue to live and laugh in the face of what life throws at me, life flips me off and does what it usually does: hit me with something so far outfield I would never have guessed it.

     Which leads me to the story that you all want to read, and is quite frankly, awesome. Because how many can say they've been and done the things I've seen, how many can say they've been the hero to so many?

     I'll never get used to that They call me hero, they still thank me every chance they get. They even built a statue of me, and while they didnt get the nose quite right, it was still a huge boost to my ego. But if you told me even a few months ago that my name would be known to millions as a hero, a savior, than I would have never believed you. And even if I did, if you told me that I wouldnt care, i would have called you crazy. I never would have seen the hero thing coming, but I always thought I would enjoy such things. But the truth is I don't, I mostly enjoy my privacy, peace and quiet.

      But enough of my rambling, you want to hear my story. And so, it begins on a day much like every other late winter day in Alabama. A slight chill in the air, a brisk breeze, countered by a warm sun. Perfect weather on my opinion.

      And so I was doing the best thing you can do on a day like that. I was stretched out on a hammock, clad in blue jeans and a white T-shirt, napping. Or trying too rather, I was too busy just thinking. What would be for dinner, what I would write for a new song, fantasies of flying. In other words how I usually passed the time.

      I laid back in the hammock, staring up at the trees above me. A few clouds floated overhead, and a bird or two would occasionally fly past. In the distance I could hear the sounds of the highway, and a plane coming in to land at the airport. It kind of ruined the peace, to be honest.

    I yawned and closed my eyes, settling deeper into the hammock in a quest for sleep. A breeze blew through the branches, startling a few birds, and then I fell asleep.

     It felt like hours later I woke up. It was dark, and a cold wind whipped across my face. I yawned and blew my hair out of my eyes, thinking idly that I needed to get it cut. I didn't really feel like getting up, or even opening my eyes for that matter. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep. And so I yawned again, smacked my lips, and went to tuck my hands behind my head when I noticed two things.

      One, I wasn't on a hammock anymore. I was lying on what felt like grass.

      Two, and most disconcerting, I didn't have hands anymore. Instead, something hard, cold, but definitely mine hit me in the head.

      That got me up and awake very quickly, even if I did fall over immediately. It was like I had too many legs, and that's exactly what the problem was. Instead of two arms and two legs, I had four legs, each ending with a hoof.

"A horse?" I whispered, looking down at my light blue chest, the same color as my jeans. Everything was different. My face was longer, a muzzle instead. My chest had changed, from a bipedal rib cage to that of an equine. My stomach was soft and furry, and my. . .well, you can imagine what else was rather startling. I was almost afraid I was a mare for a second, before remembering equine anatomy. Needless to say I felt very relieved and stupid at the same time.

     I reached down and ran a hoof through my new tail, which I curled up over my stomach using muscles I never had before. It was soft, smooth, fluffy, and white, the same color as my shirt.

"I'm a bloody Technicolor talking horse. Great." I let myself fall over with a thump. Either I'm tripping the fuck out, or I'm dreaming, or simply gone insane.

     I don't think I'm dreaming, I don't dream this vivid unfortunately, and the many times I have realized I'm dreaming, it woke me up. So not dreaming.

     I don't think I'm tripping, either. You don't really see magical multicolored talking horses. Although that makes me wonder if humans are supposed to see said horses while high, do those same horses see humans if they get high?

(A/N my personal headcanon for Lyra.)

"And there's only one way to test if I'm dreaming. . ." I sighed.

"Well here goes." I flinched as I raised a hoof, and slammed it into my face. Needless to say it hurt, and I spent the next several minutes swearing loudly as I held my nose.

"Well. . .ow. . .not dreaming." I sighed, rubbing my abused muzzle gently.

"Great. Just perfect. Of course maybe being a horse wont be so bad. It couldnt be much worse than being human. Or maybe I'm just crazy. And you know what? If I'm crazy I'm going to enjoy this!" I yell, rolling around and waving my hooves. Then something strange, but kind of wonderful happened. It happened when I rolled onto a rock, and it jabbed into something that was both wrong and so right. It wasn't until I looked that I realized it was something else I had never felt before: wings. I had a big, beautiful pair of wings tucked against my sides. Each feather was fluffy and fragile and yet so strong at the same time. I tentatively spread them, and it was far easier than I imagined. It was amazing.

      Yeah, being a horse-er-pegasus wont be so bad after all. I had accepted what was happening, because what good could come of fighting it? Either I am crazy and this will all go away, or its real. Of course, if it is all in my head, is it any less real?

       I was jolted out of my reverie by a scream. Immediately, I sat straight up, alert and ready. It was both cool and creepy though when my ears swivelled around to focus on the noise. I'm going to have fun with that.

"That sounded like a kid. Er. . .foal." I whisper to myself, listening intently for another noise, a scream or the sound of hooves, anything to tell me where to run. I couldnt just sit there while someone was in danger, let alone a kid. A long, long moment passed, with nothing but a breeze rustling the leaves. Then two, and still nothing. Three, and I was starting to wonder if I imagined it. Then. . .

"Aaaaaaaa!!!"

      And with a burst of energy I was galloping through the forest, dodging trees and outright flattening bushes. The wind snapped my mane and tail around, roaring in my ears and making my eyes sting. Still, I could hear that one, terrible sound, the sound of a scared child.

      Everything kind of changed then. It seemed so surreal now, so unreal. I watched, oddly detached, as I galloped down a game trail, sliding under a branch and skidding to a stop in another small clearing. My heart thundered in my chest and my loud breathing echoed in my ears. All I could see was trees and bushes, soft moonlight shining down through the branches. My hooves made soft stomping sounds as I whirled around, and around, looking for something, anything.

     And then came that feeling, the slow and penetrating feeling that something was wrong. I wasn't alone.

"Applebloom!" Came a scratchy yell from somewhere off to my right. Fear, pain, worry.

     With a bound I am away again, watching the trees and shrubs fly past, occasional moonbeams catching my eye.

     And finally I see them. Three small horses, but no, too small. They were ponies, their bright coats and manes scratched and dirty, dulled by grim and the pale light. They were huddled in a circle, two holding up a third, a small yellow one, who was nursing a hoof. The other two, one white with a pink mane and the other orange with a purple mane, made me pause. The white one had a horn, and the other one had wings, like me.

     I step into the clearing, breathing heavily. Immediately three heads and six pairs of wide, scared eyes turned to me. Nothing was said, nothing except hard, heavy breathing, soft whimpers of pain. Finally, I slowly made my way over to them, very aware of the tears held in the corners of their eyes. I stopped in front of them, lowering my head to look them eye to eye.

"Are you alright?" I ask, voice soft and soothing, i hoped. The orange one opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a soft whimper from the yellow one with a bow in her red mane. All three were obviously female, even at their young age.

"No." She whispered, shakily standing up on three legs, holding her front left hoof close to her chest.

"I hurt mah leg." She closer her eyes, shaking from pain or fear, or simple adrenaline. Her ears drooped, and the shredded remains of her bow hung low over her neck, as a tear ran down her muzzle. It broke my heart to see a kid, er, foal, like this. I smiled at her, laying down.

"Come on. Lets get you home." I nodded to my back. "All aboard."

She smiled back at me, and unquestioningly trotted over and slowly clambered up onto my back, aided by a gentle push from one of the others.

"Thank you, Mister." The unicorn said, giving my neck a quick hug. I smiled and wrapped a hoof around her, hugging her back.

"It's my pleasure. Come on we-"

A long, chilling howl echoed through the trees. Immediately all the fillies froze and moved closer, instinct telling them to stay close to the biggest one there. A long, silent moment passed, before a fearful voice from on my back whispered in my ear.

"I'm scared. . ." I felt the small filly bury her face in my mane, wrapping her good hoof around my neck. I stood up, looking down at the other two.

"Can you girls keep up?" I asked, and god fearful nods in return. There's nothing like fear to lend speed to your hooves. I smiled at them.

"Don't worry. I won't let anything hurt you." I looked up again, scanning the treeline. Aside from the sporadic moonbeam lighting up small patches, there wasn't much I could see. Short, shallow pants from the girls, and my slow, deep breaths that seemed as loud as a tornado rang in my ears. Heavy, booming heatbeats, thump thump, thump thump, thump thump.

Snap.

      My ears swivelled around to the sharp crack of a branch, my body sliding into a wider stance, ready to run or fight. My wings rose, making the filly on my back squeak, surprised by the biologic response to danger. She scrambled around on my back as I looked around, searching for the threat I knew was there.

"Girls. We need to move. Now!" I barked, spinning on a hoof, the urgent tone of my voice sparking them into action. The two fillies on the ground sped ahead of me as I galloped after, scooping them up as I ran. The unicorn was right in front of me, and so I lowered my head and picked her up with my muzzle, dropping her on my back. She squeaked loudly and grabbed at anything she could, eventually finding purchase by hooking her hooves in front of my wings. I head startled yells from both fillies as I scooped up the last filly, the pegasus, and almost dropped her. I managed to catch her, her hooves wrapped around my neck, wings buzzing with fear. Her hind hooves dangled inches off of the ground, making her yelp and hang on even tighter. I coughed slightly, with her almost choking me it was hard to focus on where I was going. Finally I managed to wing her around to where she was sitting on my shoulders instead, and a soft sigh of relief from her tickled my ear. Another howl sounded behind us, answered immediately by one beside and before. I slid to a stop at a fork in the trail, looking between them as I panted. Another howl, off to our right, and we were speeding down the left trail. I head a scream from one of the girls as two howls came from right behind us, getting closer and closer. This only lent speed to my hooves as I galloped even faster, my eyes set on the trees and bushes looming out of the darkness. Long, cold, reaching hands, almost, so close to reaching out and grabbing us.

      Breathe. In, out. My heart thundered louder and louder with each step, faster and faster with each approaching howl. And then finally I saw it. The edge of the forest. Suddenly the trees ran out, and we were galloping across a grassy field. In the distance a thousand lights twinkled, like fallen stars, a small village glowing in the moonlight. The girls screamed again, and I looked back to tell them we were almost there, when pain blossomed in my left hind leg. I tumbled over, chest first, skidding to a halt several feet away, as I felt my blood pouring out of me. I looked back, and the girls had fallen off, laying in the dirt. They were shaken but still alive, unable to do anything but whimper in fear at what was stalking closer to them. A giant wolf, almost as big as me, made out of wood and branches. Its eyes glowed yellow, and its teeth red from my blood. Normally I would laugh at something like that, but the dark red blood running down its chest, and the same blood pouring out of my leg, took the humor out of it.

       It didnt seem to focused on me though. No, all its attention was on the three, small, terrified fillies that were a lot closer to it than I was.

"Girls RUN!" I pulled myself up, slipping as I lost the feeling in my back leg. Four heads snapped around to me, three pairs of eyes wide with fear and one with hunger.

It only took a split second for everything to happen. The three fillies jumped and ran towards the village, as I jumped at the wolf, which was also jumping. Jaws wide, teeth bared, claws poised for a painful and horrible death.

'This is going to hurt.' I thought, seconds before I slammed into it, hooves first. I felt its claws run down my chest, ripping my flesh to the bone. Its jaws snapped shut less than an inch from my muzzle, before I responded by pounding my hoof into the side of its head over and over. One, two, three, four. Finally, i managed to push it off of me, but it had learned. It darted in, faster than I could move, and nipped the back of my other good hind leg. All of a sudden I couldnt move my hoof, and I knew he had cut the tendons. I rolled over and pulled the other leg under me. It had only bitten into muscle, and while the pain nearly made me pass out, i could move it. Finally I made it to my hooves, and turned slowly to look at it. It seemed unfased by my punches, while I could tell that I was soon to pass out. And then die.

     That realization was a lot calmer than I expected. It was a realization of a simple fact, one I knew I could not fight. A peace washed over me, and I smiled, closing my eyes.

      A growling bark, the sound of a wolf headed for my throat, one last breath. I was ready.

      A whistling sound, a scratchy female yell, a yelp and a crash. I opened my eyes, and the wolf was gone. In its place stood a cyan mare with a beautiful rainbow mane and a cocky grin.

"Hi. Thought you could use a hoof." She said, sounding rather proud of herself. I opened my mouth to say something, but I'm not sure what. What I did manage was one word.

"Skittles." I grinned, and then the ground rushed up to meet me, and I blacked out.

Chapter 2

Applebloom. . ."

"Badly hurt. . ."

"Not sure who he is. . ."

"Skittles."

     I awoke with a start, images of the wolf running through my mind. For a second I was afraid I was dead, or at least back home, until I realized the white walls were that of a hospital, and the pain was very real. As were the hooves, wings, and fur. I let out a sigh, reaching up to rub at my throbbing temples. It wasnt as relaxing with hooves though.

     I was interrupted from my musings by the sound of many small hooves, before three fillies burst through the door. All three squealed in happiness, as they gathered around the bed.

"Hi mister! We wanna thank you for saving us!" Said the yellow and red filly, her smile stretching from ear to ear. The other two fillies nodded so fast that it should have hurt them, as I chuckled.

"Aww you dont have to. It was no problem." I smile down at them, before wincing as I tried to move a leg. "Okay a small problem. But I'd do it again if I had to."

"Applebloom!" Came a rather angry shout from the door. The yellow filly's head snapped around and she lowered her ears.

"What have I told ya about runnin off again? Yer still in trouble for yer little adventure in the Everfree." Snorted a orange and blonde mare, who looked much like the filly, now known as Applebloom. Either sister or mother. She made her way over to the end of the bed to glare down at the filly, her mane and tail both pulled back into ponytails. On a pony. Ponytailception. Yes, i just went there. She reached up with a hoof and straightened a rather old and yet quite cared for Stetson. I lay there and watched, kind of afraid of her, she seemed very, very pissed, and yet her beautiful green eyes seemed more relieved than anything else.

"Sorry sis." Applebloom lowered her head, looking rather contrite. So sister. Good thing I didnt say anything. . .

"The same is to be said of you, young lady. I am very disappointed in you, Sweetie Belle." Said a white. . .unicorn, mare, as she stepped through the door. She was, for lack of of a better description, beautiful. She obviously cared for herself, her mane and coat were spotless, the long violet tresses carefully brushed. Her bright blue eyes were narrowed at the small unicorn filly, who was also looking rather unhappy.

"But sis we were only running up here to see the stallion that saved us!" Spoke up Sweetie Belle, who only received a further glare in response.

"Yes, I do suppose we have to thank you for that. I am Rarity, and this is my good friend Applejack and our respective sisters, Sweetie Belle and Applebloom." The unicorn mare, Rarity, smiled at me. I opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted by the small orange pegasus filly.

"Yeah, it was awesome! He was like 'don't worry, you'll be safe', and then he grabbed us and galloped off almost as fast as Rainbow Dash, and then he was like 'go, save yourselves!' And he tackled that wolf and was fighting it and giving it what for and. . ."

"Scootaloo!" Yelled four aggravated voices.

"We were there, Scootaloo. Stop channeling Pinkie Pie." Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. Scootaloo huffed and crossed her hooves.

"There you go again, usin big words nopony knows, miss dictionary."

"Girls! Enough." Rarity a hoof at them. "Arguing is not ladylike."

"Yeah, I have to thank ya for savin AB here. . .I was worried sick about her." Applejack sighed, and ruffled her sisters mane with a soft smile.

"Don't worry about it." I waved a hoof in dismissal, again.

"But you got yourself dreadfully hurt, darling. I cant help but feel a little responsible. . ." Rarity frowned, making Sweetie look even more guilty.

"Done. Worry. About. It. It'll take more than a bundle of sticks to put me MIA. Besides, kids will be kids. I did a low of stupid sh-stuff." I chuckle and shrug.

"But darling. . ." She tried to protest before sighing. "You are as stubborn as Applejack."

Applejack gave her a mock glare. "I am not stubborn!" She protested, before grinning. "I'm persistant."

     We all laughed at that. These. . .ponies. . .weren't that bad. Certainly more up front and friendly than any human I had ever met. But still. . .I looked around the room, before I realized something. All the names they had used were nothing like mine. I needed an alias. . .I looked out the window and saw a cloud float past on the lazy breeze. Bingo.

"Breeze. Cloud Breeze." (A\N: Yes I know I pretty much used this one already. I'm not good with names, frill off. P.S. If you get that reference I love you.) I grinned, and Applejack smiled.

"Lovely." Rarity beamed, as I chuckled and let my head fall to the bed.

"So what were you doin out in the Everfree Forest, Mister?" Asked Applebloom, who was brandishing possibly the biggest eyes I had ever seen.

"Errr. . .I suppose I got lost." I sighed. That wasnt far from the truth at all. She sighed as well.

"Aww. I was hopin you were a monster hunter or somethin cool like that."

I laughed, and reached down to mess up her mane.

"I wouldnt be much of a monster hunter if I need to be saved from a little wolf, would I? Speaking of, who was it that saved me?" I looked to Applejack and Rarity, who looked at each other and frowned.

"Girls, I think you should let mister Breeze rest a bit." Rarity forced a smile at them.

"Awwww." All three put on the best show of heart stopping adorable puppy eyes I had ever seen. Seriously I think I got diabeetus from it.

"Go on you three, git." Applejack shooed them out and shut the door, turning back with a sigh. I watched as she and Rarity traded another long look.

"You know, I find this whole 'talking with your eyes' thing adorable and romantic and stuff, but could one of you possibly tell me what's going on?" I grumbled, and Rarity blushed while Applejack rolled her eyes.

"Well, darling, it's a bit of a touchy subject. How do I put it lightly. . ." she tapped her hoof against her chin, as Applejack huffed.

"The pony that saved ya, Rainbow Dash, thinks you took the fillies." she said, and I frowned.

"Wait. . .you're saying that she thinks I'm a kidnapper?!" I half yell, slapping a hoof into the bed angrily. "Because she saw me carrying the girls back into town?" I facehoof.

"To put it bluntly. . .yes, that's exactly what she thinks." Rarity sighed again, sitting down in the chair.

"This Rainbow Dash, she isn't brash, impulsive, egotistical and maybe a little slow, is she?" I got two nods in response, making me groan.

"That sounds like RD."

I rubbed a hoof across my eyes, fighting the urge to swear very loudly. I had met many people like that, and I did not like any of them. They were all arrogant assholes with no reason to be so boastful. All they did was make life harder for those of us who actually had talent, and fought for it. This Rainbow Dash was pissing me off already.

"Fuck." I sighed, closing my eyes. "Just how miserable can she make my life right now?"

"Well. . .nopony believes all that hogwash, so it's just her. She can keep a grudge like nopony I've met though." Applejack got a long, pointed look from Rarity, and rolled her eyes. "Alright maybe I'm a mite stu-persistant, myself."

I chuckled, massaging my temples now. Still isnt as nice with hooves. I missed fingers.

"So what happens when I get out of here?" I asked after a few moments of silence.

"Well, if you decide to stay in Ponyville, and I do hope you do, you'll probably get a welcome party, and then you can find a house or somepony to room with, and settle down! I do have a spare bed if you are interested." Rarity supplied, along with a wink and a bat of her eyes at the end. I blushed a little and chuckled.

"Maybe. I kinda want to go home though. . ."

"And where's that? The only place thats close to the Everfree is Fillydelphia on the other side." Applejack waved her hoof in the general direction of the forest. At least that's what I think she was doing. It could have been that or some disco dance move.

       However her question put me in a quandary. I had seen no sign of any intelligent life other than ponies, so did they know of humans? And if they did, was it positive enough that I could tell them the truth? They seemed trustworthy enough. Maybe I could. Eventually it would come up, especially when I asked how to get home. I sighed, and rubbed at my temple again. May as well get it over with.

"The truth is. . .when I said I was lost, I didn't mean just in the Everfree. . .I meant totally. I have no idea where I am, at all. When I say I'm not from around here. . .it's an understatement. I wasn't born a pony."

I paused for a second, watching the two mares give me long blank looks.

"I was born human."

Another pair of long looks, before Rarity started giggling and Applejack started outright belly laughing.

"Why darling, that's quite a joke! Humans havent been seen thousands of years, even if they are real!" Rarity tittered from behind her hoof. It took them a few long seconds before they realized I wasnt joking.

"So you know about humans?" I asked, flinching slightly. I was terrified that they would say that humans were the monsters of this world, feared and hated.

"Wait, you aint lyin, are ya?" Applejack asked, wide eyed. I nodded, and she let out a low whistle.

"Wow. . ."

"Darling. . .are you truly one of the humans of legend?" Rarity breathed, inching closer, eyes wide. I swear I could see stars in them.

"Uh. . .I used to be?" I frown, scooting back a bit, glancing at Applejack.

"Ooh!" And with that the pristine white unicorn passed out into the chair with a giant smile. I blink, looking over at a smirking Applejack.

"Does she uh. . .do this often?" I poked at the comatose mare, who mumbled something, but didnt wake.

"More often than any self respectin pony should." She rolled her eyes.

"You're taking it better than I was afraid you would."

"If what you said is the truth, you aint losin it about turnin into a pony none, either." She pointed out, and I shrugged.

"What good would freaking out do? I just want to go home."

Rarity mumbled something and sat up, still smiling. She proceeded to groom herself, pulling a hairbrush out of somewhere and working on her mane. Applejack and I stared for a second, before the orange mare rolled her eyes again and turned back to me.

"I'll talk to Twilight, if anypony knows what to do with ya, it's her." She offered, standing up, and beginning to usher Rarity to the door.

"Oh, darling, we simply must talk some more! Applejack is right however, you should get some rest. Ta ta!" And with that both mares were gone and I was alone with my thoughts.

      Ponies knew of humans, although humans hadn't been seen in so long, they were little but myths. Good myths, I assume, from the fact Applejack didn't send a hoof to my face and that Rarity had such a starstruck reaction.

       That, and my two new friends, or at least acquaintances, about summed up the good news. The bad news was that I had a mare who believed I was a kidnapper. That thought made me groan again. I hated people who made assumptions with literally nothing to go on. This Rainbow Dash and I were going to have words, and most of them were going to be four letters and loud.

       I sighed again and rolled onto my side, gingerly, and closed my eyes.

Chapter 3

It was another rude awakening for me. A white hoof was shaking me, and a feminine voice was getting louder and louder.

"Mister Breeze? Mister Breeze!" The mare snapped, as I opened my eyes and yawned.

"Whut." I rubbed at my eyes with a hoof. It was dark out, I must have been asleep a while.

"Take this." A small cup with several pills were pushed into my hoof. I eyed them with a frown. One of them looked bigger than my hoof, and they all had the chalky texture that told me they would taste foul. I sniffed at them, coughing at the chemical smell.

"Just what are these?" I glanced up at the mare, who was clad in a nurses outfit.

"Magic pain pills, and also ones that speed healing. Also magic, of course." She waved a hoof. "Just take them."

I sniffed at them and sighed. "Ugh." I downed the pills, and sure enough, every last one dissolved the second it hit my tongue. Not. Pleasant. I am not a fan of medicine. At all.

"Thank you." And with a happy smile, the mare left me alone again.

Damnit.

     I let out a groan, tapping my hoof against the side of the bed. Tap tap tap tap. Tap tap tap tap. Groan. Sigh. Glance at clock. Tick. Swear. Repeat.

     Usually I'm a pretty patient guy, but this sucked. Hours later and I still cant sleep. The sun came up a hour ago, and slowly started its treck across the sky. Nothing to read, noone to talk to, nothing to do but plot the demise of that goddamn clock and worry about what I was going to do with Rainbow Dash.

"Hello?" I heard gentle knocking on the door, and looked to see a lavender unicorn smiling at me. she was very pretty, and very purple. A mane, slightly darker than her coat, had a pink and light purple stripe running through it, which I will say looked adorable. She had a big, beautiful pair of vibrant purple eyes, and a soft, calming smile.

. . .

What the fuck brain.

Did I seriously just think this unicorn, this talking magical purple unicorn pony, was. . .beautiful? Truly beautiful?

Brain: Look into yourself, you know it to be true. . .

Me: *facehoof*

"Hello?" I was snapped back into reality by the sound of her voice, and I shook myself and smiled.

"Oh, sorry. Kind of. . .dozed off." I chuckled weakly, but to my relief she smiled back and walked inside.

"I'm Twilight Sparkle. My friends, Applejack and Rarity, told me about you. You're the pegasus that saved the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Cloud Breeze, right?"

"Uhh. . .if you mean three multicolored balls of cute, then yeah." I chuckle and she giggled.

"That sounds a lot like them. One day they'll realize that their cutie marks dont involve doing random things that usually almost end up destroying Ponyville." She laughs and sits down as I pretend to know what a cutie mark is. I watch her for a moment, before realizing something. She had a picture of stars on her ass. A nice ass too. . .I mentally slam my head into a desk before I sigh.

"Uhh, how much did AJ and Rarity tell you?" I ask, shuffling my hooves awkwardly.

"Only your name, and that you were rather nice." She frowned when I sighed again. "Whats wrong?"

"Well, you see. . .I'm not a pony. Well, I wasnt always. . ." I begin to explain to her, with all the detail I could, how I found myself here. I tapped my hooves against each other nervously the entire time, worried she would freak out or something.

"Well. . .I suppose it's possible." She rubbed a hoof along her chin. "Although not probable. I assume that you told Applejack and Rarity, and neither of them are given to believing most anything. I think you're telling the truth."

I rolled my eyes and pointed with a hoof.

"First question. Why do you have a picture of some stars on your ass?"

She blushes and looks. "Oh, you mean my cutie mark? It means that I'm really good with magic. A pony's cute mark tells them what their special talent is, what they should do with their life." She says, in full teacher mode, which was kind of sexy.

. . .

. . .

Brain, I hate you.

Brain: Aww, hate is such a strong term. Can't you say you strongly dislike me?

You're turning me into Tucker.

Brain: You know you love it.

I shake myself again and turn my attention back to Twilight, who was saying something else about how every cutie mark was unique and such.

"So. . .the Cutie Mark Crusaders is basically a club for little fillies to go around and do random shit until they get a magical tattoo on their ass?" I tap my chin. "Best. Club. Ever."

Twilight gave me a long look and a frown.

"Breeze, I don't very much approve of such language. I would appreciate you not using it in front of me."

I sigh and lower my head, my ears flattening.

"Sorry Twi."

     I'm not sure what I expected to see when I looked back up at her, but her sitting there, blushing slightly, head tilted to the side and down, was not it. I'll hate myself to admit it, but she was quite. . .cute, the way she was looking at me through her mane.

"I've never had a stallion call me Twi before. . ." She rubs a hoof against her other leg, speaking so softly I almost didnt hear her. I merely smiled at her, as she returned the gesture. We merely gazed at each other for a few long moments before a rap at the door made us jump.

"Excuse me, Mr. Breeze, Miss Twilight? I'm Doctor Quick Recovery and I need to check a few things before our hero gets to go." A yellow unicorn with a brownish mane bustled in. And no, not a dark brownish mane or a darkish yellow, but the kind of yellow and brown you get on a really old filthy highlighter? Yeah, thats it.

"This soon, Doc? I know I was pretty fu-er-messed up." I glanced at Twilight, who smiled sweetly at me at my save.

"Magic." He pointed out, like it should be obvious. I suppose it was. I shrugged and waved a hoof.

"But really, I'm bored out of my mind here."

He groaned and rolled his eyes as he jotted something down on the clipboard that was at the foot of my bed.

"Yes, you made quite the, well, quick recovery." He laughed, as Twilight and I stared at him.

"No. Just no." I shook my head sadly, as he blushed and changed the topic.

"Anyway, in answer to your question, you may leave as soon as I have seen that you can walk. Why dont you try standing up?" He asked, stepping off to the side. I sighed, and rolled off the bed and onto my hooves. My back legs hurt a bit, but held, if a little shakily. I stood all the way up, grinning.

"Great! Now walk to the door and back."

I rolled my eyes and did as he asked, without so much as a trip. I turned to him as he smiled, and Twilight softly cheering in the background.

"Perfect! Just be sure to change the bandages every night, and come back in a few days for a checkup." And with that, the doctor turned and left. I watched him go, before something warm wrapped itself around my neck. I looked back to find Twilight grabbing me in a hug, her chin on my far shoulder.

"Thats great Breeze! Come on, all the rest of my friends want to meet you." And with that she let go and grabbed my hoof and pulled me along, although the warmth didn't go away. . .

"So Twilight. . .what exactly is this place? I mean, I know the names, but I dont know any details or anything. . ." I ask as we step out into the blinding sunlight. Ponies were bustling around, going about their daily shopping. One or two saw me and waved, smiling, before trotting on their way.

"Well this is Ponyville, located in the central area of Equestria. That way is a day's train ride to Appleoosa, our frontier town. We have the Everfree forest there and there, and then on that mountain there is our capitol, Canterlot." She pointed as she spoke.

"You mean Camelot."

She shook her head. "No, Canterlot. That's where Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, the Royal Pony Sisters, live."

"Oh. . .so you have a dual monarchy. None of those ever worked on Earth, someone always tried to grab power. . .and then when they did they eventually turned to tyrants. Which is the problem with a 'lone ruler' mentality, sure, the guy you might put in power may be great, but the dude that succeeds him turns into a dictator. End rant." I wave a hoof, my chuckle mirthless, before I noticed Twilight's sad and fearful frown.

"You have ponies like that there?" She asked, her voice quiet, and afraid. I sighed and nudged her gently, pawing at her shoulder with a hoof.

"Hey, don't worry about it. Yeah, my world was-is, messed up. But it's not something you can control. And besides. . .as beautiful and peaceful as this world seems, I promise you that its not all sunshine and happiness." I pause. "I'm not really helping am I?"

She shakes her head slightly. "I just. . .Celestia and Luna are such benevolent, and peaceful rulers. . .I find it hard to imagine life any way else." Her ears were back and her eyes down, as she slowly walked along beside me. I had no idea where we were going, and to be honest I was surprised that I hadnt faceplanted yet. I suppose all my time crawling around on my hands and knees in the garden paid off.

"Twi. Cheer up. I cant stand seeing a girl sad." I smile, nudging her again, bumping my shoulder against hers. She blushed slightly and smiled at me.

"Thanks, Bree."

I snorted.

"Sorry Twi but I dont think you'd make a good Shasta." I chuckle, then smile at her. "But you're welcome."

She gave me a long, long stare.

"Oh. Its a human thing." I shrug.

"Oh, what can you tell me about your culture? How long do you live? Can you fly? What do you eat? How many of you are there? Do you-"

"Twilight!" I half yell, cutting off her raising voice and kind of adorable geek out. She blushed and lowered her head.

"In answer to your questions, in order, we live around a hundred years with modern medicine. Yes, we can fly, with the aid of science and technology. We're omnivorous, so we eat pretty much anything, a throwback from our harsh hunter gatherer evolution. And there was a little over 7 billion on the planet at last check." I count off, tapping my hoof against my chin as I thought. We had come to a stop in front of a huge tree in the middle of town, and we sat down in the grass around it. I looked over to see Twilight's jaw hanging loose.

"Wow. . ." She breathed, a grin slowly growing on her muzzle. "So much to learn, so much to know! Oh, this is going to be amazing! And to think, thats only scratching the surface!" She bounced around me in glee, as I chuckled.

"Wow Twi. I didnt know you were this excitable." I watch her, smiling. Suddenly she stops in front of me, gives me a huge, warm smile, and a kiss to my cheek, before running off. . .in the tree? It takes my kiss-addled brain a minute to catch up, and I noticed a door. Hmm. Either this is more magic, or I just found the Keebler Tree.

. . .

. . .

Wait a moment. Twilight just kissed me. A pony, a bloody talking purple unicorn just kissed me.

So why am I blushing?

"Bree!" Twilight's voice jars me from my thoughts. I shake myself and turn to the mare who's head was sticking out of the Keebler tree. "Arent you coming in?"

"Uhh. . ." I slowly make my way inside, looking around. It was a library. Books on books lined every wall, and a staircase curled up higher into the tree. Great. Just great. Not only is the Keebler tree really a library, I also happen to have a thing for sexy librarians. And I'm beginning to think this librarian has a thing for me.

I'm going to need therapy.