The Guildmaster of 1,000 Spells!

by Blue Spark

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Other, Princess Luna, Original Character, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Crossover
Length: 4611

I love Magic The Gathering, it's my favorite card game of all time. So, when a friend bribed me to go to a con, I decided to go as Ral Zarek. Everything was going well, that is, until I thought I should buy this cool looking mechanism for my cosplay.

So get this, several friends of mine thought it would be a good idea to go to Comic Con. Now, I'm not one for large gatherings like these, but they offered to have me go as my most favorite character of all time, Ral Zarek. How could I refuse when they're paying for just about all of it?
In the end I should've, I'm forced into some strange new land filled with murderous, backstabbing miniature horses. All the while I have to hide among them just to stay alive!
There's one thing I am certain though, and that's that I will be- no... I am the greatest mage that this world will ever know!
FOR I AM THE GUILDMASTER OF 1,000 SPELLS!!!

Currently doing a do-over for this story to make it more interesting, and it'll be in chronological order now! Hope LoHAV is still a thing, looks kinda dead though... Tags will be added when they come.

Published 2014-02-21 06:40:05 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-25 07:42:29 UTC

Experiment 1: I shouldn't have bought that...

“So where’re we going again?”

A sigh came from in front of me as our driver changed gear and made a left turn.

“Comicon. Comic. Con. Dude, seriously, it’s not that hard to remember…” came the reply as he brushed a long strand of rainbow hair out of his face.

I grunted as I continued looking out the window. “There are way too many conventions for me to even bother remembering, like that gay-ass pony thing you went to last summer.” I leaned forward so that I stared straight into his eyes through the rear-view mirror. “And speaking of gay, Stripes, that outfit is making me question your sexual orientation.”

“Stripes”, as me and my friends liked to call him, was wearing a sky blue t-shirt and navy blue jeans with weird rainbow lightning bolts sewn onto his ass. To top it all off, he was wearing the weirdest-ass wig; it wouldn’t be out of place on a clown. He was clearly trying to straighten it before we left on our trip but the afro had refused to yield.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay,” I added as I leaned back in my seat again.

Stripes gripped the wheel tighter and started muttering something along the lines of “love and tolerance”, but the guy sitting next to him nudged him, his crooked smile going exceptionally well with his Captain Jack Sparrow costume.

“You gotta admit, Stripes, your hobby is kind of weird.” He chuckled, taking a swig from the bottle of beer in his hand.

“Shut the fuck up Alex, if it weren’t for the fact that I was driving I’d love and tolerate the shit out of you.” Stripes fumed, stepping on the gas a little more to release some stress.

“Now you see, that there would be some kinky shit.” The hooded figure next to me nodded.

I leaned forward a little to see my other friend sweating with a grimace on his face, his long and silver hair plastered to it.

“You doing alright there, Jeremy? You look like you’re gonna puke,” I commented as I studied his Riku costume a bit more.

“You better not, I just got this thing cleaned!” Stripes glanced back, clearly worried about his freshly cleaned leather seats.

“It’s cool, it’s cool, just turn the AC up a little.” Jeremy waved him off before glancing at me, catching me flipping through a deck of cards.

“Spencer may make fun of Stripe’s hobby of a cartoon for little girls, but his obsession with Magic: The Gathering takes it to a whole nother level,” he finally commented.

“Hey, at least my hobby makes fucking sense. Why have horses when I can have magical power beyond belief!” I laughed as I finally flipped to my favorite card.

“Yeah, but Stripes actually goes outside every once in a while; you’re lucky if step outside once a month,” Alex chittered as he glanced back to check out my costume. “Hell, the only reason you even agreed to come was because you could go as Ral Zarek.”

“That’s because I didn’t think it could be done…” I sighed. The card I was staring at was Ral Zarek, the very character that I was cosplaying as, and truth be told I was impressed by what the guys came up with. “In all seriousness though, I gotta say that you guys did a nice job. How the hell did you guys make these?” I gestured to my robes.

They were pretty extravagant, almost excessively so. They started off as Ral Zarek’s standard wizard robes of black and blue, embroidered with red and gold trimmings. A red sash on the waist complemented the piece, with long stripes of excess cloth accompanying the other coat tails. To finish it all off, I wore a pair of calf-high leather boots that I bought myself, which weren’t cheap. The only things missing were the most important parts: Ral’s elemental gauntlets.

“A combination of hours spent on eBay finding the right fabric and bribing my sister to sew it all together,” Stripes spoke up. “And we tried to find those weird cylinder things, but literally nobody had them, or anything that looked like them. Hell, we don’t even know what they are!”

“Well, you guys could’ve custom ordered it or something…” I muttered as the car finally stopped and we started getting out.

“I was checking prices on custom welding actually, and something like what you’d want would cost at least two grand, and even then it wouldn’t be perfect,” Jeremy said, lifting the back door open to grab his bag before taking a swig from a water bottle he had in it before spitting it back out.

“Shit, that’s warm!” He screwed his face up.

“Come on, we’ll get some drinks inside,” Alex said, looking at his empty bottle. “I could use another pint.”

“Everyone have their badge?” Stripes asked, taking out the lanyard with his.

“Yeah.”

“Uhuh.”

“Badge?”

Everyone looked at me.

“Seriously?” Alex exasperated, Jeremy facepalming and Stripes looking like he had blown a fuse.

“I thought we got them at the door?” I shrugged.

“Yeah, if you want to wait two hours in line in ninety degree weather,” Stripes deadpanned. He glanced at his watch, a look of horror crossing his face when he saw the time. “Alright, fuck it, you go in line, I’m done!” He exclaimed, flipping me off before running straight for the door.

“Good luck Spencer, I’ll save you some rum if there’s any left!” Alex cackled, sprinting after Stripes.

Jeremy glanced between me and where the others went before following suit. “God dammit I need some water!”

“Oh! Fine I don’t need you assholes!” I shouted, sighing as they got out of earshot. “Seriously, I could’ve gotten the badge earlier and they didn’t even tell me? Fucking christ…” I slowly trudged to the front of the building, already dreading my temporary hell.

-

3 hours.

3 fucking hours spent waiting in line in full view of the blasted sun, the long dark robes were really not helping at the moment, and I now knew how Jeremy felt when he was running into the convention for water.

Gulping down another gallon of water I glanced towards the reflection in the window across from the drinking fountain overlooking the still mile long line. All in all, the sweat from the heat didn’t ruin the hairspray or gel, in fact it looked even more stormy than before, giving me a more rugged mad-scientist appearance.

No idea where the guys went so I might as well take a look around by myself for now. I thought as I moved a gray strand back in place.

Truthfully, the convention wasn’t as bad as I originally thought, there were loads of people in costumes so it didn't feel odd being in one myself. There was a large group that were cosplayed as the entirety or Organization XIII from Kingdom Hearts, just mulling about. I saw a couple people dressed as the Leutesse Twins chatting with another pair going as Booker and Elizabeth from Bioshock Infinite. Hell, there were just so many that I couldn’t remember them all.

The best part so far though would be that I ran into a temporary tattoo artist and got them to remake the dragon mark on Ral’s arm.

“Hey, thanks.” I grinned, admiring his handiwork despite only having the small card as a reference. On my arm was now a blue dragon tattoo along my left forearm, something I disregarded when originally making the costume due to my lack of artistic talent.

“Not a problem.” He waved it off, rinsing his brushes before getting ready for the next customer.

“So what do I owe you?” I asked, pulling out my wallet and looking at the sign. “You say that customs are thirty five bucks but from the size of mine it looks almost fifty.” I say almost hesitantly.

Don’t get me wrong, I was willing to pay whatever he said for it, though that much for something that’d just disappear the next time I would take a shower is kind of disappointing.

He was about to say something before catching sight of something behind me and raised an eyebrow before shaking his head and chuckling uncomfortably.

“Its on me, I gotta say, it goes well with the costume and would also make for good advertising...” He trailed off, smiling uncomfortably. I looked unsure for a moment before he pointed behind me in the direction that seemed to cause him unease.

“I… I got a buddy over there with a very nice booth that could use some attention. Maybe you could go over there and buy something so he actually makes something this time.” His smile was more natural now, though when he said the word ‘buddy’ it seemed stressed. “He’s all the way in the back corner, stall has lots of flashy lights to grab attention spelling ‘Other World’, you can’t miss it.”

It was slightly off putting but still, an easy way to get out of paying is an easy way I’ll take.

“Got it, I’ll make sure to take a look.” I smiled before turning around. “I’ll make sure to come again with my friends, they’d love to see your stuff!” I called back, though since my back was turned towards him I didn’t see him flinch as if stung.

-

“So what, you’re still looking for this booth that you don’t even know what it looks like?” Stipes asked, taking a bite out of a hotdog he bought.

It’s been about an hour since I talked to the artist and I still haven’t found it. Either I already missed it or it was somewhere else I don’t know, but along the way I ran into Stripes who had gotten quite a few add-ons, the most noticeable being the fake wings on his back and the strange necklace with a red lightning bolt around his neck.

“You know you don’t even have to look for it, right? Just enjoy the rest of the con!” He spread his hands wide, flinging some ketchup and mustard to the ground.

“Probably, but since he made it on the house it wouldn’t hurt to go out of my way just to check it out, though its kinda weird how when I went to where it should be the booth wasn’t even there.” I frowned.

“What do you think? You seen a booth called ‘Other World’? Stripes?” I asked, turning to see my friend admiring another flashy trinket at someone’s booth.

I sighed as I look around, on the verge of giving up, when I finally turned all the way around only to finally see what I was looking for.

“You gotta be shitting me, over an hour spent looking for it and it was behind me all along?” I face palmed. Sure enough, in bright flashing lights were the words ‘Other World’.

Still, it was odd that it was here since I came by here before and I was sure that it wasn’t here, but it was even odder when a heavy weight man motioned me over. A little hesitant at first I complied and made my way over.

“Come, come! You must be the one my friend sent.” He smiled, though it looked a little over bearing.

“Uh… You knew?” I asked, a little surprised that he was expecting me.

“But of course! Thanks to modern… Uh…” He snapped his fingers for a moment when he motioned to the cell phone in his hand.

“Cellphones?”

“Yes! Exactly!” He laughed. “You’ll have to beg my pardon, young mage, but I am not the, erm… Most tech savvy of humans.” He smiled.

“Not all of us are, its something to get used to…” I forcefully chuckled a little weirded out by his wording.

I can kinda see how the guy from earlier said that he doesn’t get much business.

“Now, come see! I have the thing just for you!” He clapped his hands excitedly, turning around and shuffling through one of the dozens of boxes behind him.

While he was searching I glanced around. Despite his weird behavior and way of speaking his wares were quite impressive. Dozens upon dozens of swords, guns and accessories lined his booth and walls that he set up, giving the shop an old time RPG feel to it. I saw a sword close to me and I reached out to touch it out of curiosity only to have my hand slapped.

“Ouch! Jesus, what was that for?” I asked, frowning as the shopkeeper stared at me for a moment.

“I would not recommend touching those without permission, young mage. The- erm, oils from your hands will only cause the metal to tarnish.” He smiled as he began to to go through the boxes even faster.

“Ah, my bad, I never took that into consideration.” I apologise.

“Ahah! Here we go!” He exclaimed, pulling out a large bundle and setting it on an open space. I glanced at it before looking at him, his motioning ‘go on’ causing me to gingerly unravel what was inside the cloth.

“No fucking way.” I grinned, my heart almost feeling like it skipped a beat.

In the bundle was the last thing that I thought I’d see at this con.

Ral Zarek’s Elemental Gauntlets.

I have no clue why they were referred to as ‘gauntlets’, when a single gauntlet was only a small part of the whole thing, but its amazing to see it in person. What seemed to be made of a metal between copper and bronze made up two large cylinders, each with wiring and lights that would probably turn on at the flick of a switch. Along with it was a face mask that I could only imagine worked as an air-filter of some kind, and a large gauntlet that would go over the right arm. All of this was connected via a series of golden cables/tubes and used leather straps to be equipped by a person.

“How much?” I felt myself finally breath out, finally tearing my eyes away.

“$500”

“Deal!” I shouted a bit too loud, taking my wallet and instantly handing him the cash.

Without further question I quickly donned the gauntlet and the rest of the gear, pleasantly surprised to find that it fit like a glove. So busy was I in admiring my new purchase though that I didn’t notice the disturbing smirk on the shopkeeper’s face.

“Why don’t you try turning it on?” He suggested in an indistinguishable tone.

Ignoring the bad feeling that I was growing over my excitement, I felt around for a switch of some kind, finding it on one of the canisters and flipping it. I grinned as I saw the gauntlets light up, even have a cool electricity effect going through them. I could feel the hair on my arms raise from my excitement as the blue light pulsed.

Looking up, I saw a shocked Stripes and the con-goers around me stare as I waved to him. He looked like he was about to shout something, pointing to me but for some reason I couldn’t hear it.

Strange, I couldn't hear anything...

I bring my left hand up to try and clear my ear when I finally notice the strange, electric blue glow of the tattoo and how my left hand was also charged with lighting. It was then that I noticed that the reason why I couldn’t hear was because of the the suddenly loud wind swirling around me. I could only stare at myself breathlessly as I began to sink into the floor.

Looking up, I saw the horror struck look on Stripe’s face as everyone else nearby backed away in a panic.

“Oh shit.”

And like that, I felt the strange sensation of being forced through the floor and blacked out.

-

I slowly began to regain consciousness as a sharp pain began to stab me in the back.

“Ohoah…” I groaned on the uncomfortable surface as I tried to get up.

Dear lord, what the fuck did I do to get this messed up? I thought as I rolled over onto my side on the bed/floor/something. Wherever Jeremy rented the hotel room from, it was uncomfy as hell. I wince as light began to flood my eyelids.

“Fucking christ, guys, could you not turn the lights on when I’m asleep?” I ask, yawning as I opened my eyes to look around the room, only instead to see that I’m in the middle of a crater of some sort.

I hold my breath as my last waking moments suddenly come back to me, the con, the strange booth, buying the Elemental Gauntlet, and lastly the part where I somehow fell through the floor.

I shakily stood up, still too surprised about the situation to think anything rational and I looked around. Surprisingly, I appeared to be in the middle of a giant crater, at least several hundred meters in diameter.

How the fuck am I still alive? I thought as I see the large indent I made of my silhouette in the ground.

I did a quick pat down to check and see if I had broken anything, though all it revealed was that the only thing I had on me were the clothes I had ony my back and the gauntlet that was the start of this whole mess. I frowned though as I continued my check, my body clearly feeling different though somewhat perfectly fine, albeit a little dirty.

Did I grow or something? I glanced at my hands… No, they were ‘my’ hands per-se, but they aren’t the ones that I am used to seeing. While originally they were pale and soft, they now showed signs of wear, like they were used a lot and smelled of ozone.

I finally reached up to my face. What used to be rough and oily, my skin was now smooth and clean-shaven and more narrow. I reached up to my hair and it was no-longer filled with the slick hair gel but was now naturally slicked back and wispy.

“Oh my god…” I felt my legs collapse under me as I suddenly had a thought.

“I look like Ral Zarek.” I didn’t even need a mirror, I could already tell that my body was far from my own that it was the only thing that could make sense. Even my voice was no longer my own. I stayed still for what felt like an eternity, not moving until I began to hear voices getting louder, drawing my attention.

“There are people out here?” I whispered, still getting used to my new voice. Doing the only thing that seemed logical, I started to walk out of the main depression and make my way over to the edge of the crater. “Maybe they can tell me where I am…”

It was rather strange, despite being far away from how big the crater was I could still faintly hear them, meaning that they were yelling. Nearing the edge, I slipped on a loose rock, falling and causing several more to scatter, alerting who was on the other side of the incline.

“Who goes there!?” The voice had a weird, medieval accent to it.

“Me! I don’t know where I am and-” I finally got up and made my way to the top, finally seeing the first people in this strange new place, but felt the voice in my throat die out as it wasn’t people I saw.

It was ponies.

Lots and lots of ponies with metal armour and pointy spears, suddenly being pointed in my direction.

“Mother fucker…”

Author's Note

So, I finally decided to uphold my promise for updating/fixing this story. I know it's not much, but know that I am already about over half-way through with the next chapter, and its pretty awesome I think... Kinda... Anyway, some will probably get mad from this but hey, it's in chronological order now and no-one's seen how Ral arrived in Equestria yet!

Please don't kill me...

Also, if I previously mentioned your character in the old first chapter that isn't here now, please tell me so that I can add you. It's been so long that I don't remember who's still active in LoHAV. Many thanks to the few editors to go through this chapter as well.

Second Base Retreat (Kept this cause it was funny)

Author's Note

So... Been a while, huh?
I apologize everyone, this isn't a real chapter...
The reason being that Finals have been killing me, I haven't had much time for anything else recently, and even though they would normally end tomorrow I'll be taking a trip to California on Monday (Attending E3) and will be gone for yet ANOTHER week.
I wont have any time to work on the next chapter and since it's unfair to give you guys nothing, I decided to make this little blurb at 1am in the morning. (Hey, I needed a break from studying for several hours)
It is unedited, short, probably not canon to the actual story (That'll be up to you) but I had a lot of fun writing it, definitely a change of pace and new, funny even I think. XD
Anyway, what do you guys think of it? Canon or no? I've been unsure about adding romance to this story (Despite how much I love it) and I've been think of making it an even larger part of the story where the readers could select an ending.

So, I'll leave the decision up to you guys, weather or to make it happen, try to tone it down it it doesn't work or any other opinions you guys have on the matter.

Anyway, enjoy the (small) chapter and wish me luck on Finals!!! :D

P.S. 313 likes, only 28 dislikes and 418 faves! This story is my greatest work yet! Thank you all! Hell, I don't even care if this never gets featured it was even in the popular box for a couple of weeks which makes me just as happy. :D

Second Base Retreat (Kept this cause it was funny)

I awaken to a dull throb in my head, my body feeling stiff and hot, my conscious still fuzzy from just waking up.

Ugh… What the hell is wrong with my head?

I groan as I feel the sun piercing through the nearby windows, sending another stab of pain shooting through my skull.

“No more Celestia… Please…” I beg as I raise a hoof to shield my eyes, ignoring the smell of alcohol that stained my coat.

Oh my god, what were we doing last night…? I whine as I try to take stock of the situation, looking around the room.

Oh right… We just made another breakthrough in the magic and the faculty decided to throw a party or something…

Royal tapestries hung on the walls and ceiling of the break room where the festivities took place. The few tables that weren’t flipped over or reduced to smoldering ash were piled with half eaten food. In a corner was a pile of kegs, all of which were empty.

Funnily enough, just like how chaos was all over the room, so too were the other researchers fast asleep. Most were lying on the ground unconscious while a few were lying on tables.

Hell, there was even a pony stuck to the ceiling by glue.

Oh, no, wait, that’s just Celestia…

Speaking of which, the Princesses decided to join us so that must mean Luna is somewhere here too… I grunt as I crane my head from where I lay on the couch, trying to get a better look and see if I can find Luna.

“Mmmmm…” I instantly freeze up when I realize that whatever I previously mistook as a blanket was not, in fact, a blanket.

I feel my mouth go dry as I feel whatever is clinging onto me squeeze me tighter and…

Oh god it’s nuzzling me… I swear to god it better not be… I feel my brain suddenly become fully awake and I slowly turn to look who has decided to use me as a full on body pillow.

Don’t be Luna. Don’t be Luna. Don’t be Luna. Don’t be Luna. Don’t be Luna. Oh god please don’t let it be-

Face to dangerously close face was none other than the Princess of the night.

That’s Luna by the way, in case you don’t seem to get it.

The Lunar Princess let out a snort as proceeds to snuggle deeper into my fur, her breath reeking of alcohol. To be honest it was quite cute, if it wasn’t for the fact that it was me she was sleeping on then I would’ve “D’awed” right there and then, but my brain had other ideas.

SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT

“SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-” I quietly scream as I realize the situation that I’m in.

Not good! This is not good at all! Oh my god we didn’t do anything, did we? THINK GOD DAMMIT REMEMBER!!!

Memory seamingly to fail me and my brain not coming up with any other bright ideas I grunt as I try to get a look at… Well… To see if the deed was done, which was extremely difficult without waking Luna.

It… Looks normal to me… I think… It isn’t until I notice WHAT it is that I’m actually looking at that I realize who’s junk I’m really looking at…

NOPE! Nothing happened! Nothing at all! Everything is peeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrfectly fine!

“Mhmmm, Starswirl…” I hear her mutter as the violet screaming gets louder.

Alright, THINK! How do I get out of this mess!? Well, for one thing she’s on pretty tight, though if I could just grab a blanket or a pillow it might work… I also need to make sure that no-one else wakes up while I’m doing it, and then… Is she nibbling on me!?!?

Sure enough, Luna was nibbling the fur on my chest, going in slow circles while trying to bury herself in deeper.

QUICK! REPLACEMENT!

In the blink of an eye I free a hoof without waking her and place it between her and… Well… My body.

Good, that’ll hold her back for a minute at least… Wait a- Oh god gross she’s making out with it!?

Yep, now instead of nibbling on my torso she’s going full on “frenching” my left hoof.

“Mmmm! Starswirl!” She moans.

Calm down Ral, it’s not her… She’s unconscious and doesn’t know better… Don’t blame it on her. Don’t blame it on her. Don’t- WHY DOES SHE KEEP MOANING MY NAME WHAT THE HELL!?

Acting quickly, I grab a nearby tablecloth in my magic with some difficulty and bring it to my free hoof, quickly putting the large bundle between us.

Now’s my chance!

Before Luna could make a grab for me from behind the tablecloth I quickly slip out unnoticed and “silently” fall off of the couch, freezing in case she woke up. When no immediate reaction came up I take it as my chance to escape.

“Why the hell did I go to this party anyway?” I groan, silently making my way to the exit and slipping through unnoticed.

“Seriously, Luna even got so drunk that she even mistook me for her colt-friend or something!” Granted she doesn’t have one yet, but still…

Either way though, had I looked back before exiting the room I would have noticed the pair of midnight blue eyes staring sadly at my retreat while their owner buried herself deeper into a table cloth.