Interlude: Life with the Griffins

“What is this?”

In front of me, on the wooden family table, stood a broad mug filled to the brim with some kind of liquid. Jack, who had passed me the mug, looked at me with stone face, but in the corner of my eye I could see Paul snickering like all hell. When I did nothing for the next minute but stare, Jack’s poker face started to break up, a small smile tugging at the corners of his beak. He ushered me to drink it by pushing the mug closer to me.

With a sigh I grabbed the mug in both of my hands. It was warm to the touch. And, when I gave it a closer look, I could see small wisps of smoke rising from the surface of the liquid. Oh. Hell. No.

“I ain’t drinkin’ this,” I said, shaking my head. I pushed the mug back to the center of the table. Thomas, who was sitting near Jack, looked downright heartbroken. He gazed at me with big, tears-filled eyes, his beak quivering a little. And the abyss gazed into me.

“No,” I still said defiantly in Balderdash, holding onto my manliness for whatever it was worth. I tore my eyes away from Thomas’ puppy face, not wanting my resolve to break under its terrible iron fist.

Jack pushed the mug back to me with the tips of his talons, a fatherly smile gracing his face. Thomas went into overdrive with his puppy face, and Paul’s reassuring claw on my shoulder finally beat me to it.

“God dammit,” I cursed before chugging it inside me.

Magma mixed with 99% alcohol would be the best way to describe what was now pouring down my throat. I threw the accursed mug across the room, barely missing Jack who ducked just in time, a grin plastered all over his stupid face.

With a final scream of pain, rage, and freaking fire shooting out of my mouth, I fell onto the floor just as the others did the same in laughter. Before I could pass out I flipped them the bird.

I was sitting in my usual spot overlooking the forest when a feathered, adorable ball approached me. I didn’t really notice him until he climbed up onto my lap.

“Hello there, little guy,” I cooed and started petting him and rubbing his back. Cute squeaks were the reward for my work, and it was all I could ask for. I mean, this little fella was the cutest thing I have ever had the chance of seeing in person. And I’ve seen a lot of cute.

We were sitting there like that for some time before he got up and started tugging with his beak at my pants.

“Want me to go with you?” I got up and went after him, but he flew somewhere behind some huge rocks and shrubs and out of my sight. I immediately ran after him, my heart beating like a drum. Man, was I out of shape!

“Hey!” I yelled after him as I ran between the rocks and shrubs into a narrow mountain path, panting a little as I did so.

“Thomas?”

Nothing but the wind answered me. Suddenly a shrub ahead of me rustled. Then another shrub behind me. And then another, and another, and another.

“What’s going on?” Unsurprisingly, I was a little frightened.

Suddenly, a war cry that was more like an adorable squeak echoed through the valley and a dozen fluffy balls attacked me.

“On no, the bandits of adorableness! Abandon all hope!” I yelled as I faked running away from them. I was deliberately slow and I might have slipped on purpose. Soon I was overwhelmed with fluffiness and softness, their tiny claws tickling me. I laughed like mad and so did they.

It was awesome.

“Please!” I yelled as he chased me. I ducked just in time to avoid his claws from grabbing me. He just laughed.

“This isn’t funny!”

Of course, he just replied with another unsuccessful attempt to grab me.

“You bastard!”

There was a fire inside my lungs and I was practically choking as I couldn’t breathe hard enough. My heart was an excellent player of war drums, I discovered. I was also close to retching. It sucked, but it was still better than getting-

“No!” I screamed as I felt two claws enclosing both of my arms in their grasp. Soon enough, there was nothing solid under my feet. Panic started to settle in, but I cut it out just in time to stop myself from wriggling in his grasp. I knew better now.

Before I could blink, we were flowing over a glistening surface of water. It was a lake, hidden behind one of the mountains. My throat tightened and I gulped audibly as I realized what he was about to do.

“Paul! Listen to me!” I yelled over the whistling wind and his giggling. Damn that gryphon.

Suddenly he stopped, floating in place a few meters over the water. I hear the grin in his voice as he spoke something. His hold on my arms loosened.

“No! Please!” I pleaded to him.

“No! Please!” I pleaded once again, but this time in my mother tongue.

“Yes,” he whispered into my ear.

“No! Paul! Please no! I can’t swim” – one claw came free and I was left hanging by one arm – “I can’t swim, you idiot!” And that was all I managed to yell before I fell down in a wordless scream.

The fall was as long as an eternity, and when I finally broke the surface, I managed to take one final breath before plunging into the dark depths.

I was immediately swallowed by the icy water, and the surface closed upon me like the jaws of a predator. In a single moment slowed down by the fresh adrenaline pumping through my veins, I beheld the beauty of it all. The crystal clear water, the rays of sunlight piercing the watery depths, the occasional fish; I’ve seen it all.

And in another moment, I flailed myself to and above the water’s surface, where I managed to stay long enough to take another breath before sinking in once again. And just then I got a cramp in my left calf. Son of a gun!

I instinctively clutched my leg and screamed into the water in pain, which resulted in me expelling the remaining oxygen in my lungs into the water around. I started sinking deeper, and panic settled in. I was still fighting, seeing nothing but bubbles around me, when something broke through the water and caught one of my thrashing arms.

A few seconds later, I could breathe again as I was pulled away from the water’s cold clutches. I was coughing heavily until I was unceremoniously dropped again. This time I landed on my feet, which didn’t help me much. I sank onto the ground like a bag of potatoes, still coughing.

Paul immediately got to me, clearly concerned. He was younger than me, but if I had to guess, he was old enough. I was tired, angry, and nearly drowned.

I turned around and punched him in the face, lightly and in a way that wouldn’t do much damage. I didn’t want to sucker punch him. You know, just some bro-on-bro conversation. Speaking in Testosterone.

“Suck it, bird face.”

I was getting sick tired of eating meat all the time, but apart from some fruit and pastry, there wasn't much to eat. Pastry must have been really expensive, because from what I saw they didn’t grow any kind of grain here.

Jack said something in Gryphonian, whereas everybody at the table fell silent. Everyone looked at him, before his eyes sparkled; corners of his beak curled upward, and said something more.

I learned that they didn’t really use cutlery unless there was a special occasion, which this wasn’t.

Then everybody fell silent again, and did nothing but look ahead like soldiers. I patiently waited until it began.

Thomas, being the youngest and with the least amount of patience, broke first. He grabbed the juicy stake with both of his claws and started devouring it like a madman, and in turn everyone at the table did the same. I just sighed as bits of meat and blood flew everywhere.

I didn’t bother dodging.

I just picked my piece of meat that was roasted, because they knew by now that I didn’t eat raw meat, and like a civilized being, ate bit by bit. The taste was getting on my nerves now, but I was hungry and it was all they had right now.

Just then, a particularly big piece landed on my forehead. I patiently ate as the piece slid down my face.

Damn, have I got one hell of a poker face or what?

The toilets. Oh God, the toilets!

No. Nope. Not talking about that. Ever.

“Paul, let it go,” I said calmly. Right now, there were three teenage gryphons in front of us, blocking our path. I recognized bullies when I saw them.

In every damn village, I swear.

Paul, of course, wasn’t listening to me. Perhaps because I was speaking in English, or perhaps because he was so focused on the three gryphons in front of us that he paid no mind to anything but them. They didn’t look like the normal, stereotypical bullies though, more like gryphons whose fear of me was indoctrinated. There was an alien fire in their eyes, and I could see their ragged breaths. They both feared and hated me.

I couldn’t care less.

“Why are you so adamant on protecting me from some idiots?” I asked, more myself than him.

They squabbled like small children for some time, exchanging who knows how creative insults. It seemed to be boiling down to a fight. I didn’t want to fight. While I was towering over them head and shoulders, their strength was greater than mine. Also, they could fly.

However, if push came to shove, I would help Paul. It was the least I could do.

The gryphons didn’t seem to want to fight either, so they turned around and left. Paul kept piercing them with his eyes until they flew far enough. Then he turned and stormed past me, quite visibly shaking. Whether it was from fear, rage or adrenaline, I couldn’t tell.

But it did strengthen our friendship, that’s for sure.

I wasn’t dead weight, though. I would often help around the house when I had nothing to do. I would help Jack and Jessica, helping with repairs or cleaning. I would also sometimes help cook up something, but there wasn’t a whole lot to do with the resources at hand.

And that was practically all I could do. There was no garden to attend to, and I couldn’t get anywhere without a pair of wings.

I just hoped it was enough to repay my debt to them.

Oh, and I also played a lot with Thomas. That cute furball was a bunch of trouble, but nothing someone like me couldn’t handle. I grew attached to him rather quickly, if only because he reminded me of my brother.

Holy heavens, my brother… where are you?

Everyone was asleep already, only my brain decided that sleep was for the weak and so refused to shut down.

“Stupid brain, go to sleep!” I muttered as I moved my tired legs over the bed’s frame and onto the floor. With a heavy sigh I propped myself up with my arms. A wave of weakness hit me and for a second I could see nothing but blackness from the sudden rush of blood into my brain. I wavered a little on my feet.

I was also getting hungry. And of course, there was nothing else but meat. Meat, meat, meaty meat. So I just nicked some strips from the cords hanging all across the kitchen’s – and my bedroom’s – ceiling.

Fun fact, they don’t have toothbrushes and toothpaste. Instead, what they have is this sort of small brush (imagine toilet brush) that fits into their beak and then they just rotate, or something. They acquired me one after the first few days when my teeth started aching like hell. In place of toothpaste was some sort of plant extract that stank, but apparently did the job well enough.

I wobbled into the “bathroom”, which was nothing more than a primitive sink and a bucket of water. So basically, there was no bathroom, as I had previously.

I just finished cleaning my teeth again, when loud squeaking woke me up. The kind gryphons made when they were hurt. I once witnessed Thomas crying, and what was coming from his cute beak was akin to the noises I was hearing now, so I did the sensible thing at the moment. I abandoned all hope my hygiene and ran to the stairs that went up.

Maybe it will sound strange, but I never really did go up there except once, when I was helping Jack repair something. All I know was that up there was a small hall with three small rooms that actually had wooden doors, unlike the whole first floor.

I slowly ascended the stairs into the narrow hallway, where a grown gryphon would barely fit. Why didn’t they buy or build a bigger house when they clearly needed it was beyond me. They didn’t seem poor, as all they wanted they could afford to buy.

Another squeak and I burst through the door of one of the rooms.

Jumpin’ Jesus on a pogo stick! I should have known. I should have known, but in my bleariness and sleepiness I didn’t realize.

Needless to say, I learned a whole lot about gryphon biology that day, and that their spines are more flexible than they should be.

I am not even going to say anything about the time when Griffins decided to go on a family trip slash picnic into the forest, and how they decided to haul me with them. It was a hellish day of constant survival, life and death situations, and meat pies.