At The Drop of A Hat

by Tchernobog

Rating: teen
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Romance, Adventure, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 23298

A particularly strong gust blows Applejack's hat away. What follows is a chaotic chase across all of Equestria to retrieve it.

A particularly strong gust blows Applejack's hat away. What follows is a chaotic chase across all of Equestria to retrieve it.

The AppleDash group is celebrating the 200th Prompt Tag Entry by organizing another multi-author fic. Each chapter is 500 to 1500 words, written in up to 3 days by a different author without an outline or even a plan. Every author picks up where the previous one left off. What ensues is a wild, but fun ride.

List of authors included:
TwilightUCrazy
Aramadon
Tchernobog
CalmNQuiet
Skeeter The Lurker
Conicer
Jondor
DbzOrDie
bats
bookplayer
ladyhart21
KrazyTheFox
bahatumay
FierceRainbow
Riser5
Masterweaver
Knight Of Cerebus
SHL
BronyNeumo
The Yaoi Mistress
Pearple Prose
Timaeus
Brony Eagle Scout

Published 2014-02-19 21:00:14 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-02 11:39:57 UTC

TwilightUCrazy

If Applejack had anticipated that she would have woken up that morning and gone on a crazy chase across all Equestria just to retrieve her hat, she would have weighed her options, then rolled over and gone back to sleep.

Unfortunately, life had not given her precognition as her special talent. The ability to procrastinate didn't come up in her repertoire either.

Applejack got up from her bed, ran a brush through her mane, grabbed her Stetson and trotted outside to inspect the orchards after breakfast.

Typically, the most exciting thing to happen to her during her march up and down the rows of sweet-smelling apple trees involved seeing some of Fluttershy's darn critter friends sneaking off with some of her crop. And Fluttershy always viciously protested traps she laid down, calling them unnecessary cruelties. Nopony ever argued with Fluttershy and won. Instead, she resorted to leaving Winona out to patrol the farm. Ever since, it had seemingly put a stop to all crop theft.

As such, she hadn't been expecting anything exciting, except for perhaps knocking a sleeping Rainbow Dash out of one of her trees. She could always spot such occupied trees with all the apple cores that littered the ground around the trunk.

No, her excitement came in the form of a fierce gust of wind that swooped in and scooped her hat off her noggin like a kite. Applejack raised her hoof to try and catch it, but was an instant too late.

“Consarn it,” she grunted, taking off in a run after the wayward Stetson. She dove for it, but another fierce gust sent it spiraling off several yards further. She landed on her stomach, knocking the wind out of her like she'd been kicked in the gut.

She pushed herself up again, growling at the runaway hat. She bolted by a tree whose grounds were littered by apple cores, and snatched at the brim, successfully pinning it to the ground.

“HA!” she smirked.

“Surprise cowgirl!” came a cracked voice from overhead.

Applejack's ears twitched and she looked up just barely in time to see a blue rainbow-maned pegasus plowing into her from one of the tree's upper branches. The air was forced out of her lungs again as Rainbow Dash hit her with more force than one of Mac's runaway wagons.

Her hat rolled down an incline from the impact, bouncing down the slope along its brim.

“Dangit, Rainbow!” she growled up to her colorful friend, and shook the cackling pony off her back before continuing her pursuit.

She charged down the incline, spotting her hat in the midst of a thick circle of trees, and she ground to a halt in horror.

One of Fluttershy's rabbit friends was sniffing at the Stetson, probably smelling the apple scent all over it. It looked up from its curious browsing and over to the hat's owner standing not five yards away. It blinked several times at her and twitched its nose.

Applejack set her jaw firmly, and a fire awoke in her eyes.

“Don't. You. Dare,” she hissed like a rattlesnake through clenched teeth.

She edged closer.

The rabbit's ears flicked.

She planted a hoof softly. Five feet from her hat.

“'At's right... nothin' to be a-scared of... just want mah hat back...”

The rabbit twitched its whiskers and sniffed.

“Easy does it...”

Five inches.

Applejack glimpsed at her hat, taking her eyes off the rabbit's for just a moment.

She instantly regretted it. With her gaze off the rabbit's eyes, the undersized demonspawn knew exactly what she sought to reclaim.

The rabbit, released from its mesmerizing spell, snatched the Stetson up in its mouth and bolted from the scene like its tail had caught fire.

Applejack's rage ignited instantaneously. “GIT BACK HERE YA WORTHLESS FLEABAG!” she bellowed, her roar echoing across the orchard as she thundered after her victim. “AH'M GONNA MAKE A PAIR OF SLIPPERS OUTTA YOU!”

Attracted by the noise, Rainbow Dash flew up from behind and landed in a sprint alongside her. “Oh! AJ! Is this a race?!” Her voice broke excitedly.

Applejack didn't spare her a glance. Her eyes honed in with lethal intent on the retreating white pair of fuzzy slippers she planned to make out of the undersized terrorist.

“Oh! Let me play!” Rainbow exclaimed. “Firsttothelibrary! Threetwoone-”

She never got to finish her challenge to the farmpony before she rag-dolled face-down into the grass like a sack of dirt.

Applejack extracted her leg from between Rainbow's two front limbs, and didn't bother looking back. In any other circumstance she would have laughed until it hurt to breathe. Her emotions had become so consumed by a molten hatred of the fleeing rabbit however, that her sense of humor had been turned off to further fuel the speed of her hooves.

She leaped the border fence surrounding her farm, and continued after the miniature menace.

The rabbit bolted out into the green meadows on the outskirts of town and towards a hill up ahead. The weight of the Stetson slowed it down and, at what felt like a snail's pace, Applejack found herself closing on her target.

Just a few more seconds and she'd have it.

“Ah got ya now ya little-”

The white rabbit suddenly vanished before her eyes.

Applejack found her hoof caught in its hole, and fell to her face. Her head screamed with pain as her muzzle reverberated with the burning sensation of a liquid agony. Looking up through the blur of tears and her swirling vision, she saw her opponent clutching her hat, peering out the other side of its burrow.

Then it ran again.

With a furious growl that could shake the scales off a rockodile, she stamped to her hooves again and took off, a cloud of dust in her wake.

The rabbit peaked another hill before freezing in its tracks as a large shadow loomed overhead.

The long-eared rodent looked to the sky, prompting Applejack to do the same.

She swore she could hear her quarry scream as the eagle bolted from the blue, its talons outstretched.

The bird of prey swooped.

Grass flew.

The wind gusted.

Instead of the eagle returning to its nest with its juicy, meaty prize, it clutched her Stetson in its grasp, and soared on the thermals back to altitude.

“GIT BACK HERE YA STUPID BIRD SO AH CAN STEP ON YOU!” Applejack shrieked, changing her target.

The eagle soared off towards the center of Ponyville. She had to double-time her pace to make her way through the crowds and around buildings just to keep track of it.

Perhaps ditching Rainbow Dash hadn't been the best idea.

Her mind raced as she looked around for anything she could use. A pair of rocks caught her eye sitting at the edge of the road. She scooped them up with a hoof and tossed each into the air just above her head.

Swiveling in place, Applejack raised her hindlegs and kicked with all her might.

One rock missed its target. The other nailed her target right in its tail plumage.

The eagle shrieked in surprise and loosed its grip on the Stetson.

Applejack sneered in triumph and charged after her hat, following it as it blew left and right on the formidable wind. She chased it towards the railroad tracks, before the breeze scooped it up and twisted yet again.

Her hat then nosedived. It shed height quickly and fluttered over a dense crowd of travelers at the train station.

She dove into the thick throng of ponies. She pushed past several well-dressed stallions, magnificently-groomed mares, and stepped over foals aplenty.

She managed to catch sight of her hat on top of a luggage rack nearby.

Little... bit... closer... she grunted, and shoved a hoof out of the crowd, reaching as far as her leg would stretch.

With a wicked twist of fate, however – Applejack swore she could hear evil laughter in her ear – a baggage handler pushed the cart onto the train.

“Aw horseapples!” she scolded.

With a mighty grunt of effort, she pushed her way out of the crowd, and landed in a heap at the entrance to the train, her muzzle laying at the feet of a rather large-looking conductor.

“Ticket please,” he growled.

It took Applejack a moment to gather her thoughts enough to form a response.

“O-oh, no sir. S-see Ah'm not on this train-”

“Then why you wastin' my time?” From the sound of his accent, the large stallion had his roots in the Broncs.

“Uh, see sir, mah hat's on that luggage rack in there'n Ah was just wonderin' if Ah could-”

“No ticket, no entry,” he snorted.

“ALL ABOARD!” a conductor towards the end of the train shouted.

Hayseed! “Sir, please! Ah'm beggin'-”

Before Applejack could finish her statement, however, the train's door slammed shut in her face and locked tightly.

Applejack sagged to her rump in disbelief, and watched helplessly as the train pulled away from the station...

Aramadon

Rainbow Dash's day hadn't exactly started well.

There was still time to salvage it, though. After all, she'd been looking forward to today all week. Applejack had agreed to spend most of the day with her. She just had to do a few hours of morning chores, and then they would meet up, have lunch, and hang out. In fact, Rainbow Dash had the whole day planned out. As much as having picked out a couple of cool places she could go with Applejack, and then pretty much winging it when she got there counted as a plan. Yes, that definitely counted as a plan. Actually, it was an awesome plan.

And maybe she could even do that thing that Rarity mentioned about figuring out where they stood. Or, you know, why bother? Things between her and Applejack were just fine. They were great, even! Rarity was probably just trying to overcomplicate things again. OK, so Rarity wasn't the only one of her friends that said that she and Applejack acted like a couple already. They'd even hung out together last Hearts and Hooves day. But hey, that had been a great day, even without any of that “where they stood” nonsense. They stood just fine. And today was going to be just like that: another great day with her best friend.

Of course, that had been the plan before Applejack had started ignoring her. Rainbow had just decided to drop in and surprise her best friend. Maybe even help her out on the farm a bit, so they could get started on their awesome day even sooner.

Unfortunately, things were just about as far away from “according to plan” as they could be within less than a half hour of waking up. Applejack had already ditched her twice, running somewhere with the manic dedication of a madpony.

Not one to be easily discouraged, Rainbow decided that one way or another, she was going to figure out what was up with Applejack, and then they were going to have a totally amazing day together. With that goal in mind, Rainbow took to the skies and tried to spot Applejack again. It wasn't too long before she saw a commotion of ponies near the train station. It was as worth checking out as anything.

Rainbow swooped down and landed by the crowd, eyes peeled for signs of any signs of an orange and yellow pony. She didn't have to look far, as she spotted a forlorn-looking Applejack staring at the departing train.

Rainbow walked over and put a wing around her, sitting by her side. “Hey there.”

Applejack pulled away for a second, being startled, but then settled back into Rainbow's side. She looked kind of tired. “Oh, hi.”

“What brings you to the train station, AJ?”

Applejack lifted a hoof towards the departing train that was gradually moving into the distance, but then she sighed and put her hoof back down. In a low, grumbling tone that was almost too soft for Rainbow to hear, she mumbled a response. “Ah lost mah hat.” Applejack gave Rainbow a quick glare and elbowed her in the chest. “Thanks a lot for that.”

“Hey, what did I do?” Rainbow answered, giggling at Applejack's antics.

“Ah never would have lost it if you hadn't tackled me this mornin'. Now it's on a train headed to who knows where.” Applejack looked away again, staring at the barely visible train in the distance. She was trying to give off a look of mere annoyance, but Rainbow could see in her eyes that she was more than a little frustrated, and part of her was genuinely sad about losing her hat.

Suddenly Rainbow had a crazy idea. “Let's go after it.”

Applejack looked at her quizzically. “Ah beg your pardon?”

“I can totally catch that train. Come on, I'll take you with me!”

“Oh no you don't. If you want to fly after the train, then go right ahead. Ah'm staying right here on the ground.”

“Oh, come on Applejack, it'll be fun! When have I ever let you down? You can trust me, I'll have you on that train in a jiffy.” Rainbow Dash gave her best impression of puppy dog eyes.

Applejack stared blankly at Rainbow for a few moments before answering. “Ah can't believe Ah'm bein' talked into this...” She shook her head and a determined expression settled on her face. “Fine, let's do it.”

Applejack climbed on Rainbow's back and put her forelegs around her neck. Rainbow flapped her wings a few times to lift off the ground. Applejack tightened her grip as she found herself with no more surface beneath her feet to stand on. Rainbow took a moment to look back and give Applejack her best confident grin. Before turning back to face forward again, she noticed a faint blush on Applejack's cheeks.

It may have been slightly harder to catch up to a speeding train while carrying a passenger than Rainbow Dash had expected. By the time she finally set Applejack down on the roof and landed, she was panting and sweaty.

Applejack looked like she was about to climb down between two sections of the train, but paused when she saw how heavily Rainbow Dash was breathing.

I should ask for a moment to catch my breath, Rainbow thought to herself. On the other hoof, her pride wouldn't quite let her. Applejack rolled her eyes and gave Rainbow a few more moments, not saying a word.

Rainbow couldn't help but feel a little warmth in her chest at that. Applejack really got her...understood her on a level that very few ponies ever did. As perhaps nopony else did. That was a bond she cherished deeply. More deeply than she'd ever been able to say.

Finally, the two made their way down between cars, where a small, railed walkway had been placed over the train's connections. Applejack opened a door, and then turned back to look at Rainbow. “Last Ah saw it, my hat was on a luggage rack. Ah'll go this way, you go look in the train cars in the other direction.”

Rainbow nodded, and opened the door leading to the rear half of the train cars.

Nopony seemed to notice a new pony walking through the train. Rainbow walked steadily, passing by dozens of ponies who were either resting or just chatting with friends. She was in the last train car before she even realized it. It was just the place she wanted to be, too. There were no passengers here, just loads of luggage. Rainbow quickly set about to looking everywhere, peering under bags, craning her neck up over tall stacks of luggage, making a quick but keen-eyed pass over the contents of the car. After a few moments, her search paid off. She saw something in the corner of her eye, and dashed over to pick it up.

At last! She had it! Applejack's Stetson was in her hooves! She would give the hat back, Applejack would be grateful, and they could have a good laugh about all this when they got back to Ponyville.

Rainbow put the Stetson on her head and started walking towards the front of the car, but then she suddenly froze in place. Something felt... off. She took the hat back off and studied it carefully. Did it seem a little bit too big? She looked back towards the very end of the train car.

Uh oh. Her eyes widened. Oohhhh no. She walked slowly towards the back wall of the train, her brain slowly coming to the foreboding conclusion that Stetsons must have been a popular choice on this train ride. There, on a row of mobile luggage racks, were more hats. Counting the one she had already picked up, she was confronted by full thirteen Stetsons.

Oh boy.

Tchernobog

“Where is this train even going? The Appleloosa Stetson Convention?” Rainbow muttered as she stared at the imposters, willing Applejack’s hat to jump out and make itself known. Sighing, she lay the one she’d already tried aside, and picked up another - one that looked a bit smaller, a closer fit than the first.

She realized she might need to get her eyes checked, as the hat perched upon her head. The thing was tiny, sitting on her head instead of covering it. She frowned and took it off, glaring at the offending headwear. She tossed it aside, moving on to the next.

Too wide, too new, too tall... oof! ...Too heavy. Her eyes widened as she placed the next hat on her head. It felt the same, looked the same. It was perfect. She pumped a hoof in the air, and turned back towards the door to go find Applejack.

Rainbow stopped dead in her tracks as a sudden doubt struck her. What if it wasn’t the right hat? What if there was something Applejack knew about her hat that Rainbow didn’t, and she brought the wrong one?

For once in her life, Rainbow opted for the side of caution. She set the stetson she was wearing aside in a pile of its own, and tried the rest, one by one.

In the end, she was left with not one, but three hats.

All three felt like the right one, and she had no idea how to identify Applejack’s. Her eyes bored into the headwear, urging them to reveal their secret, or at least some name tag that identified their owner. After smacking her forehead for not having thought of that beforehoof, she quickly checked the hats for such a marker, but her bad luck seemed to hold - not a name anywhere.

She shrugged, picking up all three up and set them on her head. After all, the easiest way to figure it out which one belonged to Applejack was just to show them to the earth pony. With a skip in her step, she started her way back to the front of the train.
Several thumps paused her hoof in mid air as she was about to open the first door. It had come from the roof. Rainbow briefly wondered who would try to board a train while it was moving, blushing as she remembered how she’d gotten there in the first place. Maybe these ponies were just latecomers?

“Alright, ladies and gents! Team A, get any valuables you can from the luggage. Team B, move up the cars and free these ponies from their bits! Team B, you’re with me!”

Or maybe it was a train robbery. The voice had made that pretty clear. In a flash, she sped to the back of the train car, and fluttered up to the ceiling. She pressed herself against it, directly above the door, ready to drop in on whoever came in.

Rainbow smirked as she waited. Found AJ’s hat, stopped criminal scum… all in a day’s work! Maybe her day wasn’t going so badly after all. She tensed as the door swung open, revealing a large stallion poking his head in. He turned his head left and right before stepping further into the carriage.

“All clear!”

Rainbow counted off each pony that stepped into the carriage. She knew her best chance was to take them quietly, one by one, taking out the last pony first. At least, that’s what some of Spike’s comic books said.

One… two...thr-Trixie?!

She was so startled by the appearance of the unicorn that she didn’t notice one of her hats slide off her head until it was too late to catch it. With a quiet wumpf, it landed on one of the bandits’ head.

“Aah! I’m blind!” The bandit cried out, rearing up and kicking his front hooves in the air.

Seeing her chance, Rainbow dove towards him, intent on knocking him out first, stealth be damned. Unfortunately, Trixie had been right behind the bandit, and had seen the hat land. Before Rainbow could close the distance, she felt a tug on her tail, and screeched to a halt in mid air.

“Lemme go!” She shouted, glaring at the unicorn who held her at bay. Wordlessly, Trixie glanced around. Finding what she wanted, she tore open some suitcases, floating some clothing out of it. In a flash, she transformed them into rope, and quickly spun it around Rainbow. “Hey, quit it! What’re y-mmmph!”

Trixie smirked as she stepped past the now bound and gagged Rainbow, flinging her back into the pile of luggage. Rainbow could only stare helplessly as the bandits laughed at her.

“Y’know, I don’t look half bad with this thing.” The now stetson hatted bandit said, looking at himself in a mirror he’d procured somewhere. “I’m keeping it!”

“Whatever.” The big stallion growled, rolling his eyes. “Just search for valuables!”

“And what of the pegasus?” Trixie asked, glancing back. Rainbow could see it in her eyes - she knew Trixie had recognized her too.

“Leave her for now. We can deal with her on the way out.”

Rainbow gulped, her ears flattening against her head.

That doesn't sound good.

Meanwhile, on the other end of the train, Applejack was looking up at a large, very familiar conductor. Unfortunately for her, he was staring right back.

“Hey, I recognize you!”

“Well, y’see, Ah got a good reason fer bein’ here, sir…”

“Save it for the guards, missy.” He said, placing a firm hoof on her shoulder. “Come with me.”

Applejack’s ears flattened, much like Rainbow’s further down the train. “Oh horseapples.”

She jumped as a loud voice shouted above the din of the conversation. “Nopony move! Hooves in the air! And no fancy magic business either!”

Were it not for the large hoof on her shoulder, Applejack would have pressed a hoof to her face right there.

Oh, horseapples!

CalmNQuiet

Applejack heaved forth a great sigh and sunk down onto her haunches. Raising her forehooves in the air, she questioned just how in Equestria she ended in the middle of so many shenanigans at quite literally: the drop of a hat. When she woke up this morning, all she wanted to do was get her chores done and spend some quality time with her best-friend, Rainbow Dash. But now, Rainbow was nowhere to be found, she was hatless, and she was pretty sure getting held up in a train-robbery was anything but quality time.
Obviously, this would not do.

Narrowing her eyes, she watched the gruff-looking stallion carefully. He kept a sedated pace up the aisle and stopped at each row of seats to demand for bits and valuables. Oddly enough, none of the passengers seemed to have anything to offer and the stallion didn’t seem the least bit perturbed by the lack of financial gain from a very illegal venture.

As he approached, Applejack flexed her forehooves and tensed her muscles. This would be easy; a quick uppercut followed by a swift left buck from Bucky McGillycuddy would finish the job. Then she could apologize to the conductor, properly explain the whole situation, get her hat, find Rainbow, and finally go home for a nice game of horseshoes. She swallowed and prepared herself.
Three feet...two feet...one foot... she just had to wait for him to turn and address the passengers.

“Stop right there! Your thieving days are over!”

Applejack yelped and fell over onto her face as a pony bowled her and the conductor over from behind. Her vision blurred, she only managed to make out the painful sounds of hooves against flesh followed by the thumping sound of a body hitting the floor. She looked up and found a masked stallion standing next to her fallen form and the incapacitated would-be-robber laid-out before her.

She reached for the hoof offered to her and brushed herself off. “Uhm... thank you kindly?” She stammered out to the masked pony.

The hero smiled and tipped his own stetson hat to her. “My pleasure. I do apologize for the rough entrance, I hope you aren’t hurt.”

“I’m alright.”

“Wonderful, if you’ll excuse me, I think the rest of the Hoovessidy Gang are on the loose. I must apprehend them before they make their escape.” Without another word, he took to his hooves and disappeared into the next train car.

Looking over to the conductor, Applejack gestured at the train-car over. “Who was that?”

“No pony knows. You’re lucky the Hoovessidy gang is here, otherwise I’d have him haul you off to the nearest sheriff’s office. I don’t appreciate having stowaways on my train.” He growled and dropped his hoof back onto Applejack’s shoulder. “And don’t think of running, no pony has ever escaped the masked pony of justice out here.”

“Wouldn’t think of it, sir. Though if you’d just let me explain, you’ll see this is all a big misunderstanding.”

The conductor sighed and rolled his eyes toward the heavens, as if seeking patience from a higher power. “Very well, it has something to do with your hat, right?”

“Yes, sir. You see, I lost my hat and it just so happens the critters that stole my hat dropped it onto your train. When you departed, my friend, Rainbow Dash, was kind enough to carry me out here so I could retrieve it.”

“Wait, there are two stowaways on my train?”

“Um... yes?” Applejack’s ears splayed back. “We split up to look for my hat. I swear on my granny’s apple pie.”

“That’s not the problem! She might interfere with the act, some pony might actually get hurt!”

“What? What act? What’s going on here?” Applejack didn’t get an answer. She was alone in the train car, deserted swiftly by the conductor. She followed his hoof-steps to the next train car and found herself in what was best described as a standoff.

“Surrender, Trixie! I’ve already taken down all of your gang, you’re the last one left!”

Applejack looked around the train car and indeed, three additional stallions lay quietly on the floor. One of them even had an oversized Stetson on which looked absolutely ridiculous. More concerning was a very familiar looking blue unicorn standing just on the other side of the train car.

“Surrender? Never! The Great and Powerful Trixie won’t let herself be captured by some pony in a mask!”

“Very well, if you won’t come peacefully, I’ll have to take you in forcefully.”

“Trixie scoffs at your idle threats, there is no pony capable of defeating Trixie!”

Quick as a whip, a rope materialized and bound Trixie’s hooves together. She fell to the floor with a thump. Trixie responded with a spell of her own, freeing herself from the bonds and snapping the rope back at the masked pony. He dodged backward just in time, but not fast enough. His hat flew off his head and revealed his light amber horn.

Pulling herself up, Trixie smiled triumphantly at his de-hatting. “And Trixie wins the first duel! Care to go again? Or would you like to beg the Great and Cunning Trixie for forgiveness?”

The unknown stallion picked up his hat and readjusted it upon his head before turning back to Trixie. “I’m here to see justice served, and you shall have your fill of it when I am through!”

“I doubt that. Trixie needs these bits, and not you or any pony is going to stop me!”

“We’ll see about that!” Rainbow Dash, appeared behind Trixie adorned with a stetson and tackled the unicorn to the floor. Before anypony could react, the masked pony rushed forward and placed a hoof at the base of Trixie’s horn.

“It’s over Trixie, surrender.” He exchanged a slight nod with the fallen unicorn.

Trixie scoffed under her breath and sighed. “Very well, you have bested Trixie this time. Trixie will come quietly.”

The passengers of the train broke out into cheers and stomped their hooves appreciatively. Before any pony could ask any questions, Applejack found herself hustled toward the back of the train with Rainbow Dash by the train conductor. Once they were far away from the rest of the passengers, Trixie stood up and glared at them. “Why are you two here? Have you come to ruin another performance by Trixie?”

“Performance?” Applejack and Rainbow responded together.

“That’s right.” The masked pony pulled off his mask to reveal the homely friendly face of Joe, the doughnut shop owner back in Canterlot. “Silver Ticket and I put on a show every few days for ponies to experience an old fashioned train robbery. Obviously nothing gets stolen but it’s very popular. Trixie is a natural performer.”

Trixie tossed her mane back and smirked. “Was there ever any doubt?”

The conductor, known as Silver Ticket, shook his head sadly. “I’m really sorry to get you mixed up in all this, but we have a tight schedule. Luckily we were able to salvage the performance even with the sudden intrusion of your friend.”

Rainbow Dash chuckled and rubbed the back of her hoof. “Oh, right, sorry.”

“How did you get free anyways? Trixie tied you up quite firmly!”

“Oh, I’m very good with my mouth.” Rainbow responded with a wink.

“Right... so I’m guessing you found this young lady’s hat?” Silver Ticket gestured to the hat perched upon Rainbow’s head.
“I think so! It smells sweet like Applejack—er, I mean...” Rainbow stammered and looked away.

Applejack blushed at the sudden admission herself and retrieved the hat from Rainbow’s head. Feeling it over in her hooves, she nodded affirmatively. “I think this is my hat. Thank you so much, Rainbow.”

“Fantastic!” Silver Ticket responded all too quickly and wiped the beads of sweat from his brow. “Now if you wouldn’t mind paying for a ticket, we can see about getting you all back to Ponyville.”

“Paying?” Rainbow swallowed nervously.

“Ticket?” Applejack echoed.

Out of the frying pan into the fire...

Skeeter The Lurker

“Well? Come on then, that’ll be ninety-six bits.” Silver Ticket held his hoof out expectantly. Applejack’s eyes darted from the hoof to Silver Ticket’s eyes frantically as a guilty, apologetic smile crept across her face.

The conductor lowered his head as a frown crossed his muzzle. “Well, come on now. What, do you not have your wallet with you?” A nod. “Really?” he scoffed, “What kind of fool leaves home without their wallet?” Applejack could only shrug half-heartedly, looking downcast.

“Alright then. I’ll make a deal with you. That hat seems quite valuable and there’s ponies who’d pay good money for it in the town. Give me the hat and I’ll let you stay. Heck, I’ll even set you up with a ticket to Ponyville.”

“And if’n I don’t?” Applejack asked.

He shrugged. “Then you’ll both be placed under arrest and escorted to jail at the next stop.” He smiled in the style of a used-cart salesman. “Your choice.”

Applejack was at a loss. On one hand, she could keep her hat, but… On the other hand she could get a free ride home, but… She bit her lip in a slight panic. Was there any way out?

The answer came in the form of a columbia blue hoof removing her hat and placing it on a chromatic mane, followed up by a cocksure grin and the worst country accent Applejack had ever heard.

“Why, Ah do declare, I reckon, that y’all need ‘ta blow’er outta yer noggin’! Ah do declare, Ah reckon that ninety-six bits be’a highway robbery! Ya varmint thief!” Rainbow yelled at the top of her lungs. By the time Applejack could even think about saying “what?” Rainbow Dash threw open the car door and was gone, leaving her alone with the rather unhappy conductor of the train.

With no other choice, Applejack took the only option available to her and gave chase to the fleeing country mare wannabe. Catching up to Rainbow was easy, what with her yelling ‘yeehaw’ and ‘get along, little doggie’ nonstop and the single direction anyone could go, and she found herself in the dining car before long.

Watching Rainbow weave her way through the baffled patrons of the car, Applejack leapt upon the nearest table. With a throaty growl and a powerful kick from so many years of apple bucking, she kicked off the table in the direction of the rainbow-maned mare.

“Darn it, Rainbow Dash!” She bellowed, “Give me mah hat back!”

Rainbow made the fatal mistake of pausing and turning to the source of the yell, going wide-eyed as the mass of orange and blonde smashed right into her. Crashing through the table behind Rainbow they rolled a slight distance before coming to a halt with the rowdy pegasus pinned beneath Applejack.

Rainbow looked up —not that she could look elsewhere— into the furious glare of Applejack, still wearing the cocky grin from when she split from the conductor. Applejack snorted in exhaustion and irritation making Rainbow laugh. “Oh come on AJ! Ninety-six bits or the hat for a ride home? That’s just too stupid to even consider!”

Applejack moved her head closer speaking through clenched teeth. “You impulsive, irritating, air-headed, consarn feathered pest!” Applejack got no further for Rainbow, as quick as a flash and with a grin to match, kissed her straight on the lips causing all thoughts to derail on the spot.

On impulse, Applejack pulled back after a few seconds, uncertain of what just happened. Her eyes wide and her jaw moving without speaking, causing Rainbow to laugh at her. “See? Told ya I was good with my mouth. Now can you get off me so we can find your hat and get out? I don’t think they’ve forgotten about us juuuuuust yet.”

The mention of her hat was enough to break the stupor she was in and she stepped off of Rainbow —but didn’t help her up. As she looked about the dining car upon the sea of confused ponies, she spotted her hat resting on top of what looked like a scaled down version of the MMMM cake made by the Cakes.

With a grin and girlish squeal of joy, Applejack made haste to the cake to get it. As she approached it, she reached out a hoof to collect it. But as soon as her hoof grazed the brim of the hat, however, a deafening bang echoed through the car and her vision was obscured by a sudden smoke screen.

Applejack swung a hoof in front of her face, trying to clear from her eyes. Blinking through the stinging sensation in her eyes, she looked upon the top of the cake only to find that her hat was missing! Before she could voice what she saw, she heard a familiar voice yell for her.

“AJ! Look!” Rainbow called, Applejack turned to her to see Rainbow’s hoof pointed toward a point nearby. Looking toward the point, Applejack beheld what appeared to be a pony covered head to hoof in black, complete with a slender black stick on its back. In its hooves was none other than Applejack’s hat.

“I can’t believe it! Here of all places! I finally found Illinois Bones’ fabled hat!” An oddly familiar voice spoke before dropping a smoke pellet and vanishing again. Applejack dashed to the opened side door of the car only to witness a black hangglider a surprising distance away.

“Dagnabit! Now what do I do?” Applejack spat.

“Simple. We jump and chase them down.”

Applejack spun around to find Rainbow Dash directly behind her, a very unsettling grin on her face. Applejack cast a look out the open door, only to realize what she meant.

“Rainbow… We’re on a bridge…”

Rainbow readied herself.

“Ya can’t be serious! We’ll be killed!”

Rainbow flared her wings in response.

‘We’ll never catch him!” She was getting desperate.

Rainbow jumped up, planting both rear legs on the closed door behind her, “No… NO NO NO NO NO!!!!” Applejack screamed as Rainbow Dash gave a mighty push off, colliding with Applejack and shooting like a bullet from a gun out the door of the train car.
As they entered free fall, Applejack could only yell:

“You’re an insane maaaareeeee, Rainbow Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssshhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Conicer

Author's Note

http://sta.sh/0vg4m3enc3h

Jondor

Applejack’s heart pounded in her chest. Her lungs seared with the effort of what had probably been her last scream. Time seemed to slow to a crawl as the wind whistled in her ears and whipped her mane and tail.

She was falling to her doom and doubted that anything could stop her. She wondered if Rainbow would even be able to catch up and save her the way she had saved Rarity. Rainbow was fast and she didn’t want to doubt her, but was she that fast?

Applejack brought a hoof to her lips. She couldn’t believe Rainbow had pushed her out of a moving train car, caught, and dropped her again in mid-air after kissing her like that. For that matter, she couldn’t believe Rainbow had kissed her like that. It was a wonderful feeling, but Dash really needed to work on her timing.

With a resigned sigh, the plummeting farmpony closed her eyes are muttered some final words under her breath.

“Gotcha!”

Her eyes snapped open, watering from the wind now blowing hard against her face instead of her back. A pegasus had thankfully snatched her out of the air, but not the pegasus she was expecting.

The hooves she rested in were greenish instead of blue and even though there was a contrail behind them, it was golden instead of rainbow colored. Surprised and shocked as she was, Applejack wasn’t going to complain for a moment. She just held on tight and waited for the wonderful feeling of solid ground beneath her hooves.

“CUT! ” a voice screamed through a megaphone as soon as Lightning Dust set Applejack back on her hooves. “Cut, cut, cut, CUT!

“For Celestia’s sake, how many takes until you ponies get the scene right?! The explosion isn’t supposed to happen until after Dust takes off, and you,” the director turned his attention from the special effects ponies, pointing his megaphone toward Applejack and Lightning Dust. “You’re supposed to swoop in from the right, not the left, and you sure as Tartarus aren’t supposed to be carrying anypony until the next scene!”

Lightning Dust and Applejack both opened their mouths to speak, but a shrill whistle split the air, cutting them off.

The director growled and yelled into his megaphone again, pointing at nowhere in particular. “Lunch break! Be back here ready to work in exactly thirty minutes! If you’re late, you’re FIRED!”

As the ponies all over the set scrambled around to get at their lunches and the craft service tables, Applejack turned to Lightning Dust, scratching the back of her neck with a hoof. “Thanks fer saving me. Sorry ya got in trouble.”

“No sweat. I’m about ready to walk off this set if that director doesn’t pull his head out of his rump anyway; probably go give the Wonderbolts another try or something.” Lightning Dust shrugged. “You’re one of Rainbow Dash’s friends, right? What are you doing in Los Pegasus?”

“Name’s Applejack. Some pesky little varmint made off with my hat, and me an’ Rainbow are tryin’ ta get it back.” Applejack’s ears folded against her head. “Ain’t got a clue where she got to, though. She was fightin’ with some lady in black on a hang glider last Ah saw her.” She pointed a hoof toward the western sky.

“Stay put, I’ll be right back.” Lightning Dust shot straight upward, her contrail streaming behind her like a golden waterfall. She hovered just below the level of the cloud district, looking in the direction of Applejack’s previous freefall trajectory.

When she zoomed back to the ground, her muzzle wore an ugly grimace. “I think you’d better get over to the Applewood sign. I’m pretty sure I know what that mistimed explosion was; the ‘D’ is in ruins.”

Applejack’s heart skipped a beat. She’d been so worried about her own crash landing that she hadn’t considered what might have happened to Rainbow.

“Do you need any help?!” Lightning Dust called after Applejack but got no reply. The hatless farmpony was galloping toward the hills as fast as her hooves would take her.

In her haste, Applejack leapt over a cart backing out into the street without stopping for an instant. If she had looked at the driver of the cart, she would have seen a familiar brown Stetson perched atop the donkey’s head.

DbzOrDie

Applejack managed to run a grand total of five steps, before her hooves hit something and she fell to the ground. Cursing her luck, Applejack looked at her hooves to see a dirty and rusty oil lamp lying there. Applejack took the lamp in her hooves and was almost about to throw it away, when she suddenly noticed the faint outline of some letters, hidden by the dirt.

Applejack gently brushed away the dirt on the lamp, and a word was starting to become readable. The word revealed itself to be ‘disorder’ which Applejack silently mouthed in confusion. No sooner had she uttered the word, than a stream of blue smoke flowed out of the lamp.

The blue smoke materialized outside of the lamp in the shape of some kind of blue humanoid shape, with a loud cry. “Who dares disturb the slumber of Genie Havoc?!”

The big, imposing genie turned to look at Applejack before every powerful emotion seemingly left his body and he slumped down. “Oh, it’s you.”

Applejack’s confusion changed to understanding when the genie suddenly snapped his fingers, and changed into a very familiar draconequus. Said draconequus reached behind the lamp and turned a valve which wasn’t there before, making the stream of smoke smaller and smaller before going out.

“Discord? What are you doin’ here?” Applejack asked, scrambling backwards, away from the lamp as if it was poison.

Discord laughed at Applejack and poofed himself in Applejack’s still outstretches hooves. Lounging on them as if they were a chair at the beach, he turned to Applejack. “Really now, what do you expect me, the god of chaos, to do all day? Even Fluttershy had to politely refuse to send any more letters, with all the free time that I have.”

“So, what IS it that you do?” Applejack asked. She knew that Discord had some good to him, but knew that when bored, he could get a lot more disagreeable. If this was some kind of hobby for him, then she was glad for it.

Discord looked everywhere but at Applejack as he tried to look as innocently as possible. “Oh, you know… A stallion comes across this lamp, is foolish enough to rub it and I grant him a wish,” Discord then looked straight at Applejack before continuing, “But I guess that you know, that those wishes tend to turn out a lot more chaotic than intended.”

Applejack shuddered, thinking of the poor ponies that Discord got into a mess. “Does Princess Celestia know of this?”

Discord blew a raspberry at Applejack, which actually ended with Discord’s mouth falling off his face and landing on the floor. “Oh please, she’s actually the one who suggested it to me. She said that a little bit of chaos at a time could be therapeutic,” finished the disembodied mouth, while Discord emphasized the last word with air-quotes. A snap of his fingers and his mouth reappeared in its proper location.

Applejack mulled this over and figured that if the Princess was okay with it, she would be too. “Well, while it was… uh, nice to see ya again, I have to get goin’ and find some way to get to Dash and get my hat back.” Applejack turned to start running again, when she got an idea. Turning to Discord again, she asked, “Discord, you said you were grantin’ wishes right?”

Discord twisted around Applejack like a snake, suddenly very interested in the conversation. “What is this? Does sweet little Applejack wish to make a… well, wish? You do know that you will not be excluded from the chaos that might follow, hmm?”

Applejack had to give this little thought, as this meant she would be able to get to Dash faster. “I don’t care, I want you to zap me to the Applewood sign. I need to check on Dash, my hat be damned.”

Discord looked behind him, straight at the hat that occupied the head of the donkey pulling the cart. With a smile on his face, and little flourish, he snapped his fingers. “As you wish, master.”

Seconds later, Applejack winked back into reality with way more sound than she would’ve liked. Recovering from the sudden impact on her ears, she noticed that she was dressed in the most ridiculous outfit she’d ever seen. That, and she was currently falling from the air yet again, heading straight for the Applewood letters.

Oh, Buck

bats

Applejack’s brain kicked into high-gear, ‘don’t die’ mode as she took in the rapidly-approaching ground. Noting that she owed Discord a couple of sucker-bucks to the gut for sticking her in a paisley-print muumuu, she tore the billowy garment off herself, grabbed all of the leg holes, and cringed her eyes shut as it puffed out into a makeshift parachute.

She hit the last ‘O’ on the sign a touch harder than her flanks appreciated and tumbled end over end into a bush. A long, beleaguered sigh escaped her muzzle as the ugly muumuu drifted on top of her.

Applejack wasn’t normally one to take naps, but she was sorely tempted.

Rolling out and back onto her hooves, she ran through a mental checklist of all her limbs. All four legs held her weight without complaints, and aside from stiffness in her shoulders and haunches from running all day, she felt no worse for wear. She rubbed the tender spot on her rump and silently thanked Celestia that any extra redness vanished into her cutie mark. She retied the ribbon in her tail that had loosened, patted down her mane, and lifted a hoof to straighten her hat.

Oh, right.

Groaning, Applejack shook her head clear and took off for the ruins of the ‘D.’ The black-clad pony’s hanglider jutted out from the splintered letter, jagged and torn. She frowned in concern, picking through the debris, scanning for flashes of color.

“That landing was awesome, AJ.” She whipped her head towards the wavery voice, finding Rainbow grinning at her from beneath a section of boards. She jumped up and rushed to her friend. “Where’d you come from? And where’d you get the—” she struggled to hide her snickering “—dress?”

Applejack muttered an oath of vengeance under her breath as she grabbed the top board. “I see you’re in plenty good spirits. Y’alright, Dash? Anythin’ hurtin’?”

“I’m alright,” Rainbow answered, her tone more subdued than normal.

Applejack’s pulse jumped as she shoved the first bit of wood away and dug her hooves under the next, but she told herself she’d seen her foolhardy friend fly head-first into rocks on purpose and sound worse-off afterwards.

“I had something soft to break my fall.” The last board came free and Rainbow grunted as she pulled herself up, revealing the unconscious hanglider.

Applejack poked her with a hoof. “…You got any clue what the heck she was doin’ goin’ after my hat?”

“Nuh uh.” Rainbow shook the layer of dust from her coat and lost balance, sinking to her haunches. “Wooh…”
Applejack bolted to her friend’s side to lean against. “Easy there, sugarcube.”

“I’m fine,” she waved Applejack off with a hoof. “It’s everything else that’s spinning.”

“We’ll just sit here for a few,” Applejack assured. “I reckon we both lost track a’ my hat somewhere between you droppin’ me an’ the crash, an’ I ain’t got a clue where the darn thing scurried off to now. No need to be rushin’ around just yet.” Her voice dropped. “If we can find it at all now.”

“We’ll find it.” She heard the relief hidden in Rainbow’s tone as her friend stopped struggling to hold herself upright and pressed into her side. Her friend’s messy mane tickled her cheek as she grew aware of how close Rainbow actually was, sending her mind back a few hours to the train.

Or minutes ago, if she forced herself to face reality. Hours felt more manageable; she’d pretend it was hours.

Applejack cleared her throat. “You, uh…you gonna tell me what that was all about?”

“Hey, don’t blame me; it’s your damn hat, and we weren’t gonna get it back just watching some hang-gliding ninja take off with it.”

“Not that, Dash. You…” She cleared her throat again. “You kissin’ me.”

“…Oh.”

A silence stretched out on the hill as Rainbow fidgeted against her. Applejack really wanted her hat back, if only to have something to worry in her hooves and distract her. She took a deep breath. “I-if’n you were just distractin’ me from bein’ angry, just tell me now, Dash.” Her friend stiffened against her, but before Rainbow could answer, she plowed on, “‘Cause if’n after we get my hat back an’ I plant one on your lips as thanks for helpin’, I ain’t too keen on you laughin’ at me.”

Rainbow leapt up, staggering on her hooves. “We gotta find your hat right now.”

Applejack stifled a snort as she felt heat rise to her face. “Sit your flank back down, you ain’t in no shape to go yet.”

“I’m totally cool to go, AJ, let’s find your hat really fast, I mean really fast—” As she turned to face her friend, Applejack caught her mouth in a kiss.

Rainbow fell over.

“That’s thanks for helpin’ already.” Rainbow blinked at her, cheeks pink, and gave her a goofy grin made all the goofier from dizziness. Sighing again, Applejack helped her up, back against her side until the wooziness passed. The close contact felt a little bit different to both of them.

Rainbow broke the growing silence as her head cleared, her voice low. “So…uh…should we…talk about where we ‘stand’?”

“Ya mean…talk about ‘us’?”

Rainbow coughed.

“Well, uhh…I guess we—”

The air filled with the sound of sirens. Their attention snapped back to the busy streets of Applewood below them as flashing lights filled a busy street. A lone cart led a high speed chase, and as they watched with jaws slack, a brown speck flew up from the city, catching the wind and sailing high in the air.

Rainbow Dash jumped up. “It’s your hat!” Tossing a manic grin over her shoulder, she took off toward the city with Applejack hot on her tail.

As they disappeared into the trees, the familiar voice of the black clad pony called after them. “Not so fast!”

bookplayer

Flying at top speed, downhill, through an unfamiliar forest took a lot of concentration.

“Dash, branch!” Applejack shouted, giving Dash the heads up she needed to fly just under it.

Flying at top speed through an unfamiliar forest while occasionally looking down and seeing AJ pull off some awesome jump, her eyes narrowed, her mane and tail whipping behind her, took even more concentration. But Rainbow Dash was up to the challenge.

“AJ, log!” Dash called out, watching AJ never break pace as she leapt cleanly over the fallen tree.

“Thanks! But keep your eyes in front-- tree!”

Dash swerved to the side, feeling the bark scrape the tip of her wing. That was close.

Almost as close as that conversation. About what she and Applejack… were. They were friends. And they kissed. Or at least, they had kissed, twice, and Dash was hoping this would become a regular thing. But if it did, that would probably mean they were more than--

“BRANCH!”

Dash gave a quick flap, boosting herself just enough not to run smack into a large piece of tree. It seemed the concentration needed to fly through a forest, keep an eye on a hot mare, and figure out the details of a relationship might have been a little beyond her. Forest first, mare second. Feelings would have to wait.

On the ground, Applejack was having no problem focusing; she was after her hat. Oh, she had feelings, and they needed to be worked out, but right now she was busy. She had to get through this forest, and she probably needed Rainbow Dash alive on the other side, so that was all of her focus. Good thing, too, or that goofy pegasus would’ve been splattered against half a dozen trees or branches by now.

After a few minutes of running, the forest started to thin out. Applejack glanced through the trees and saw bits of green lawns and yards down the hill.

“Dash, see anythin’ up there?” Applejack called.

“There’s a hedge coming up, around a big yard, and I think your hat might’ve blown in there,” Dash answered.

“That hedge?” Applejack nodded to a wall of green she was rapidly approaching.

“Yup! But AJ, there’s--”

Before Dash could finish, Applejack was in the air, her powerful hind legs launching her over the tall hedge, her rear hooves barely scraping the top. She landed on her hooves.

Unfortunately, those hooves touched down on a swimming pool, making a large splash and sending the earth pony flailing in the water. She was soon able to get her bearings as Dash swooped down to help her out, but as she grasped on the edge of the pool, she looked up into the faces of a whole crowd of fancily dressed ponies.

Applejack just closed her eyes and shook her head, pulling herself out of the water as Dash started to snicker.

“Well, looks like you really--”

“Rainbow Dash.” Applejack growled. “If you say ‘crash’ and ‘party’ in the same sentence, you’re gonna get it.”

“Wasn’t even thinking it,” Dash said, her face full of wide eyed innocence all of a sudden.

“Sure?” Applejack said, eyeing her.

“Yup.”

Applejack turned back to the Applewood ponies, who were still blinking at her, unsure what to do. A unicorn in a servant’s livery floated a towel to her, which she used to dry her face before smiling nervously at the crowd.

“Um, howdy! We’re uh-- just after my hat. We thought it mighta landed here, and--”

“Applejack!” a familiar voice spoke up. “I had no idea you were in town! It’s terrific to see you, I’m so glad you dropped by.” Trenderhoof stepped through the crowd, wearing a yellow shirt with thin white stripes and orange framed sunglasses.

Applejack’s smile turned to a barely noticeable grimace. “Uh, good to see you too, Trend.”

“You should have written, I would have invited you! There are so many ponies here you have to meet. I was just telling Mr. DeMule that earth ponies are the next big thing, so on the radar, and he needs to put one in his next movie.” Trenderhoof slid up next to her and threw a leg around her shoulder. “He’s right over here, let me introduce you.”

“Um-- er--” Applejack shrugged off his foreleg with a glance at Dash. “That’s real nice and all, Trend, but I’m just tryin’ to track down my hat. Then me and Rainbow Dash gotta get outta here. Fast.”

Dash landed next to AJ on the other side and wrapped a wing around her, giving a quick toss of her head to Trenderhoof. “Yeah, have you ponies seen a brown cowpony hat around here?”

Ponies in the crowd shook their heads, and Trenderhoof furrowed his brow. “I’m afraid not, but we’ve been back here chatting by the pool. I know it can be very disturbing to lose a favorite accessory, especially one as authentic as a real cowpony hat…” His face lit up with a grin. “I know! I can have the guards search the grounds, and you girls can enjoy the party!”

“Gee, I dun--” Applejack started, but she was cut off.

“Sure!” Dash said, happily.

“Dash, my hat!” Applejack whispered, glancing at the sky, then Rainbow Dash.

“Your hat is being looked for… it’s just somepony else doing it. And we get to have a party!” Dash pointed out, walking towards a pony who was holding a tray of drinks.

“Well… I guess that’s okay…” Applejack trotted to keep up with her, avoiding Trenderhoof’s eye. “Just ‘til we find out if my hat’s ‘round here.”

As Applejack grabbed a cracker with some kind of gray paste from a tray and popped it into her mouth, Trenderhoof sent a pair of guards off in search of her hat. But just beyond the hedge lurked the black-clad pony, watching the scene closely.

Ladyhart21

Fancy hard apple cider was not her friend.

It should’ve been her friend – there was no lack of affection on her end, that was for sure. But still, no matter how much she cozied up to it, no matter how many tankards she knocked back with the utmost appreciation, it had betrayed her. It had made promises it couldn’t keep. It shouldn’t have been able to do that – it was made out of apples, for Celestia’s sake! Apples were, like, the fruit of truthfulness, weren’t they? Any fruit that could sit happily upon the flank of Honesty incarnate should at least absorb some of that mojo, right? But maybe that was the problem. These weren’t Sweet Apple Acres apples – she could tell – and therefore they had no connection to smokin’ hot, honesty-powered plots. These were stupid fancy apples, that got made into stupid fancy cider, that had conspired, along with her unsuspecting gullet, to lead her to this. This happened to be her dancing a stupid fancy dance with a stupid fancy pony, a pony who couldn’t keep his stupid fancy eyes off of her definitely not stupid, not fancy friend.

“So, tell me, Rainbow Flash – ”

“It’s – hic! – Rainbow Dash – geddit right, Trenderpoop.”

The fancy stallion adjusted his stance so that Rainbow didn’t faceplant when he performed the required turn. They whirled almost in tune with the rest of the dancing ponies.

“Yes, quite sorry. Rainbow Dash. I was just wondering, since I have you aside – has Applejack mentioned me at all since I left? I mean, I don’t expect she has, but well, if maybe she happened to – I’ve been very inspired by her influence, is all. I don’t know if you noticed, but I even had some Griffonian apple cider imported, to give everyone a chance to get a little taste of the homegrown country style that has so affected my own! Of course, “homegrown” may be a bit of a fib – you have to take baby steps with some of these ponies. Tell them that apple trees grow in dirt and they’ll demand to have their products sanitized.”

“Yeah, I – hic! – noticed.” Grumbled Rainbow sourly. “Look, fancy pants – ”

“Oh, Fancy Pants couldn’t make it, sadly. Something about a private fitting in Ponyville.”

“Ugh, whatever! What I mean – hic! – what I mean is, she’s mine, gottit? Yer probly a really nice guy’n’all, but Applejack,” a dreamy grin overtook Rainbow’s vaguely shaped frown, “Applejack needs more’n nice. She needs awesome. An' I’m as awesome as they – hic! – come.”

Trenderhoof paused in his eloquent movements, movements that had been no less so even with an inebriated pegasus clinging to his foreleg. “She – you and Applejack – ”

“Thas right, buddy! Me and AJ are the best o’ pals.” She leaned right up to Trenderhoof’s ear. Or what she thought was his ear. It happened to be his stylishly upturned collar, but she spoke in a stage whisper loud enough that it didn’t really matter which part of his body she was addressing. “Pals who kiss. Like – like a lot.”

Trenderhoof’s stillness normally wouldn’t have been a problem. In a regular room, on a regular day, it wouldn’t have meant a thing. He could’ve stood still for hours and the only consequences would’ve been stiff joints and possibly a severe case of boredom. Sudden stillness in the midst of a tightly packed garden party, in the middle of a complicated whirly, shuffly dance with precisely timed movements, however, meant that he and Rainbow were not where they were supposed to be, when they were supposed to be there.

Which meant that other ponies, ponies who had not suffered a sudden momentary lapse in concentration, were where they were supposed to be. With fancy, trailing sundresses abounding and substandard cider flowing freely, reaction times were not exactly up to par, and so two twirling ponies twirled their timely, twirly way right into the non-twirling, non-timely ponies, which in turn sent everyone involved twirling again, this time with a lot more shrieks of surprise and cries of indignation.

This isn’t – hurp – a fun type of twirl. Thought Rainbow Dash in what were sure to be her last moments. This twirl's all wrong. Oh Celestia, whose hoof is that? You didn’t even buy me dinner or anything! Oh crud, never mind, I think I just returned the favour. I’m going to need a really good cloud soak after this…

Applejack wasn’t a fan of fancy parties. Sure, there may not have been a tux or an evening gown in sight, but there were enough overly priced Haywaiian button ups, polo t-shirts, khaki shorts and flowery printed dresses present that she knew she was at what Rarity would dub a “swanky soiree,” and she didn’t like it one bit. Free food and drink aside, (Griffons, being larger, apparently put a lot more of the “hard” than the “apple” into their cider) Trenderhoof apparently hadn't shut up about her, if the random rich ponies that kept sidling up to her to talk about the ins and outs of farming – of which they knew nothing about – were anything to go by. Still, they were slightly better than the ones who would walk past her, slight sneers on their faces, apparently due to her lack of appropriate attire.

To top it all off, Trenderhoof had snatched Dash away at the first possible opportunity, and now they were…well, dancing didn’t really cover what Rainbow was doing. One crystal flute of cider and she’d been loopier than a barrel tossed down a hill, so she looked more like a wounded solider leaning on a surprisingly sprightly comrade than one pony cutting a rug with another. And her hat still hadn’t been found. Applejack was about to grab her intoxicated friend and go search for it herself, hospitality be darned, when it happened.

It happened to be a complete and utter pile up on the dance floor. Applejack was rolling her eyes before she realized that a twitching blue hoof was sticking up through the conglomeration of pool party chic, and her heart rate bounded faster than her legs. She was on the pile in a second, tossing guests this way and that, ignoring their cries of “I say!” and “Well, I never!” in favour of freeing her buried, silent, friend. The blue hoof grew to a full leg, then a torso, and finally, a rainbow mane popped free of the living debris.

“Rainbow – ya alright? C’mon, girl, speak ta me!”

One hazy eye twitched open. “Heh, ish it my birthday? Two…two Applejacks…the fun…the fun has been…”

“Hold that thought, Sugarcube.” Applejack was distinctly aware of a shifting below her flank, and stood up, dragging the drooling, daydreaming pegasus onto her back as she went.

“Oof! One never knows how much they will miss oxygen until it is denied them by a particularly shapely – Applejack!”

“Howdy, Trenderhoof,” Applejack tried not to frown at him, seeing as her butt had nearly smothered him, but she was finding it difficult, because her butt had nearly smothered him. “Sorry to cut this reunion short, but we gotta go. I ‘preciate the effort and all, but I didn’t leave all the chores to Mac just ta party it up.”

She looked around at the piles of groaning ponies, some still struggling to their hooves. Other guests had come over to help, and it looked like little lasting damage had been done. The only casualty seemed to be a sadly deflated pool duck. Two butlers clutching rolls of silver duct tape knelt beside it, talking in hushed voices.

Just as the chaos of the situation was growing manageable once more, a shadowy figure leapt onto the scene, freezing the tableau of poolside renewal.

“Consarn it!” shouted Applejack. She stomped a hoof, jostling the prone pegasus on her back. “What in the hay do you want now?”

The figure, dressed suspiciously like a familiar scruffy ninja, grinned. “Why, what I have always wanted, Applejack.”

“What, my hat?” sighed Applejack, her bravado fading into weariness. “Look, I don’t know where it is.” She looked back to Rainbow Dash, who was beginning to stir in a semi-coherent manner. “My friend and I have been chasing the dang thing all day and have nearly bit the bullet more times’n I can count. If you want it so dang bad, go and get the Celestia-forsaken thing yourself.”

The ninja frowned, threatening pose faltering as shoulders slumped and ears wilted. “Well, way to steal my thunder. Now what am I supposed to do? I’m a ninja without a rival! I think that goes against my whole ninja code, or something! Does this mean I have to turn in my stealth license?”

“No.” replied a voice from among the throng of awestruck partygoers. A brown-coated, long-eared individual trotted up. He sported a sunshine yellow, palm-tree bedecked vest, and atop his head…

“Ma hat!” shouted Applejack in spite of herself.

“No,” repeated Mr. DeMule, tail lashing from side to side. “My hat.”

KrazyTheFox

"After all, Applejack," said Mr. DeMule with a tip of ‘his’ hat, “I am your father.”

“Whoa, A.J.” Rainbow Dash broke out into a goofy grin. “You never told me you had a dad.”

"But he's not—" Applejack started in protest.

"That makes you like... a normal pony now!" Rainbow Dash blinked at Mr. DeMule. “He’s kind of an ass, isn’t he?”

Applejack nudged Rainbow Dash back upright. "Rainbow, he ain't my dad. I told ya, my pa died years ago," said Applejack through grit teeth.

“It would seem some ponies lack a sense of humor.” Mr. DeMule adjusted Applejack's hat again and cleared his throat. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Mr. DeMule, collector of fine art and rare artifacts from around the world."

"Pleasure to meet ya," said Applejack, extending a hoof.

Mr. DeMule pushed Applejack's hoof away, disapproving of its unwashed state. "Perhaps we should spare the pleasantries."

"Alrighty." Applejack raised an eyebrow and set her hoof back down. "So, uh, can I have my hat back? As I said, I've kinda been chasin' it all day."

"Yeah! It was soooo awesome the way we beat up that whole train full of bandits!" Rainbow Dash stumbled a few feet away from Applejack's side and began swinging her hooves around in the air, almost taking out one of the other guests.

"No," said Mr. DeMule, "I'm afraid not, Applejack."

"An' why not?"

Glancing around at the party, Mr. DeMule motioned towards the exit. "Perhaps we ought to discuss this in a more private setting, away from prying ears."

"Fine." Applejack grunted. Turning to Rainbow Dash, she whistled. "Rainbow, come on, we're leavin'."

"Aww, already?" Rainbow Dash tripped on a patch of grass and landed on her face, earning herself a mouthful of dirt.

Applejack shook her head and trotted over to Rainbow, yanking her to her hooves. "Yes, Rainbow, already."

Spitting out the dirt in her mouth, Rainbow leaned against Applejack. "B—But I've only had, uh, one... one... one cider of glass!"

"One cider too many if ya ask me."

As the three left the party behind, Applejack noticed a few of the guests leaving with them. After a few streets and glances behind her, she was certain they were being followed. "Uh, Mr. DeMule, I think we're bein' followed."

"Mmm, don't mind them. They're my bodyguards and won't get in the way. After all, one can never be too careful."

Eyeing the guards behind them once more, Applejack pressed herself into Rainbow a bit more, for her reassurance and Rainbow's steadiness.

Eventually they all stepping into an innocuous looking downtown shop, up the stairs in the back, and into a richly decorated room overlooking the street. Applejack was certain the curtains alone would sell for enough to buy the farm.

The group made their way to the back of the room and gathered around a tattered rug next to a well-stocked bar.

"Now then, as I said earlier, I'm a collector, and this hat here just so happens to be one of only five ever made—the start of the great Stetson company which now provides headwear to most of the world's new settlements."

Applejack leveled a glare at Mr. DeMule. "So..."

"So, I think I'll hold onto this hat a while." Mr. DeMule smiled brightly. He held the smile for a few seconds, then frowned when Applejack only glared harder. "Now Applejack, you're not even going to ask why I brought you here?"

"You'd best be gettin' to the point, and be gettin' to it fast."

"Ah, a mare of business, I see. I like that." Mr. DeMule trotted over to the bar and poured himself a drink, silently offering one to Applejack, who shook her head. He downed a shot and poured another. "As it so happens, there is one thing I'd be willing to trade your hat for."

Rainbow Dash stumbled again and fell over next to Applejack, rolling onto her back, grinning up at Applejack.

Applejack sighed and placed a hoof on Rainbow to keep her from knocking something over before returning her attention to Mr. DeMule. "And what would that be?"

"Are you, by chance, familiar with the Equestrian Preservation Society's museum down on Horseback Avenue?"

"'Fraid not."

"Well, there's a new exhibit that went up just yesterday about the Equestrian-Zebrican border and is showcasing many artifacts from the area." Mr. DeMule poured himself another glass and tossed it back. "The main attraction of the exhibit is an idol, about 5 hooves tall, estimated to be older than Equestria itself, and teeming with magical energy that was recently unearthed in that area."

Applejack grimaced. "I'm not likin' where this is goin'."

Mr. DeMule continued as if uninterrupted. "The museum's private collector refuses to sell this idol to me, nor will they be running any magical tests on it. An idol of such immense power must have some secrets hidden away, but they may never be discovered as long as it remains in the possession of the museum."

"Let me guess." Applejack's ears flattened and she bit her lip. "Ya want me to steal it for you."

"I prefer the term 'acquire', but to each her own.” Mr. DeMule shrugged. “It's simple, really. The idol for your hat. Or you leave, forget you were ever here, and I keep the hat. Your choice."

Applejack sat and weighed her options, biting her lip and glancing furtively around the room. After a moment of contemplation, she hung her head and lifted her hoof off of Rainbow, turning toward the door. "Let's go, Rainbow. I ain't about to go stealin' from somepony else just for a silly ol' hat."

"But hat.... it's your A.J.!” Rainbow scrunched her nose. “Err..."

"Not anymore, it ain't," said Applejack, reaching up to pull her hat over her—right. She started walking, keeping her face hidden from the rest of the room's occupants, her eyes glistening over.

"Th-that's not right!" exclaimed Rainbow from the floor, rolling over a few times before managing to get all four hooves on the same floor. As soon as she stood up enough to flex her wings, she took off and lunged at Mr. DeMule, snatching the hat right off his head.

Rather, that was her intention, and as well-intentioned as it had been, the alcohol had really done a number on her flying. Instead of lunging, her flight as more akin to that of a chicken's, and instead of the pinpoint accuracy to complement the element of surprise, she ran straight into a wall of bulked-up pony, who needed to take only a single step forward to protect his employer.

"Big mistake," growled Mr. DeMule.

Applejack watched the scene unfold in horror, having turned back around at the sound of Rainbow taking off. Having her wits still about her, she galloped over to Rainbow Dash, picking her up and flinging her onto her back, knocking over what sounded like a priceless vase in the process.

"Get them!" The furious voice of Mr. DeMule echoed behind them as Applejack made her escape from the room and onto the street with a dazed Rainbow Dash on her back.

Applejack ran as fast as she could, dodging ponies left and right on the streets, turning down alleyways and around city blocks, unable to shake the ponies chasing after her.

Her eyes alighted on a bridge and she put on an extra burst of speed as she rounded the next corner. "Hold on, Rainbow Dash!"

Rainbow Dash had no opportunity to protest before Applejack leapt over the railing and into the air above the gently flowing river below.

Applejack clenched her jaw and spun around, grabbing Rainbow in mid-air, watching the water below rush up to meet them.

With a loud splash, Applejack and Rainbow Dash plunged deep into the frigid, late-autumn water. Pressure assaulted Applejack's ears and the water stung her eyes, and cold stabbed at her from every direction. She forced her eyes open and looked around through the murky depths and cascades of bubbles for the surface.

As soon as the bubbles cleared from around her enough to allow her to see, Applejack followed the smaller bubbles gravitating towards the surface with a few powerful kicks. Rainbow Dash flailed next to her, but Applejack's grasp was steadfast and they shortly broke through the surface of the water, gasping for air.

Applejack wiped her mane out of her eyes and regained her bearings. Spotting the pier of the bridge anchored in solid ground, she swam towards the shore. She heaved Rainbow out of the water and quickly followed.

"Phew." Applejack shook herself somewhat dry and collapsed against the pier, shivering, listening to the bodyguards run all the way across the bridge above them. "I..." She stopped a moment to catch her breath. "I think we lost 'em, sugarcube."

After wringing the water from her mane, Applejack forced herself to her hooves and dragged Rainbow over to her spot against the pier. She sat back down against it and wrapped her hooves tightly around Rainbow.

"I'm c–cold, A.J.," said Rainbow through chattering teeth.

"I know, sugarcube." Applejack curled her tail around Rainbow Dash and rubbed her hooves deep into Rainbow's back. "I know."

bahatumay

Applejack slowly awoke, and found herself covered in a newspaper blanket. Confused, she lifted it up, and found Rainbow Dash snoring softly, cuddled as tightly to Applejack as she could.

That explained how they were warm, but not how the blanket had gotten there. She looked around, and then saw a pony hunched over a small fire, underneath the edge of the bridge, on the bank across the water from the pier.

“Hey,” she called. “Did you do this?”

The pony looked up, and Applejack was surprised to see that he was a zebra. He grinned. “Out here on the streets, we look out for each other. Everypony is your sister and brother.” He lifted a stick, and Applejack could see hay patties being cooked. “I don’t have much, but what’s mine is yours; so whenever you’re ready, please come ashore!”

Applejack nudged Rainbow, and she awoke slowly. She groaned and placed her hooves on the sides of her head. “My everything hurts,” she groaned.

“Yeah, well, next time don’t have ‘just one cider of glass’,” Applejack ribbed.

Rainbow squinted against the light and looked up. “Hey, a zebra,” she murmured. She sat up and said as loudly as her headache permitted, “Hey! You any good at mixing hangover cures?”

Applejack nearly choked on her own spit. “Wh- Rainbow! You can’t ask him if he mixes things just because he’s a zebra!”

The zebra laughed, completely unoffended. “I happen to know a trick or two. I’ll fix you up as good as new.” His smile faded as he looked at his small cart. “But I’ll need some supplies from inside town, as all my herb levels are down.”

Applejack grinned. “Leave that to me.”

Not even an hour later, Applejack was back with everything the zebra had requested. It wasn’t long after that before the mixture was done (though as it had been made by putting the herbs in a sock and using that sock as a filter in the pot of boiling water, perhaps it was best Rainbow had remained prone on the ground and holding her head the entire time).

Her ears perked up at the first sip, and by the time it was gone, she was back to normal.

“All right,” she said, fully recovered. “First order of business: we get the hat.”

The zebra lifted his own hat and grinned. He liked hats, too.

“But how do we do that? We can't just steal it,” Applejack said.

“Yeah, you can,” Rainbow argued. “You can't steal something that's already yours. It’s already yours, so it’s not stealing.”

The zebra coughed politely. “I sense a story rather long to bring forth a reaction that strong.”

“Yeah. It’s a long story.”

The zebra grinned. “I’ve got nothing but time, so spin me the rhyme.”

Rainbow sighed before taking a deep breath. “Hat gust of wind flew away fighting acting train wreck skydiving without parachute ninjas flying dinner party Mr. DeMule bodyguards evading hat currently in his possession blackmail threatening…”

“Wait. Who was that fool? His name was…?”

“Yeah. DeMule.”

The zebra’s eyes narrowed.

“You know this guy?” Rainbow asked.

The zebra’s glare hardened. “Let's just say he's not my friend, and there we’ll let the matter end.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow.

Sure enough, the zebra continued bitterly. “Relics of my culture he’s stolen and thieved. To get him back, I would be most relieved.”

Rainbow grinned. “Then do we have a job for you…”

“Are we even sure this is going to work?” Rainbow asked.

“No, but I’m all out of other options,” Applejack retorted. “Now shut up and pour it already.”

Rainbow gently uncapped the vial and poured the acid into the lock via the funnel that Applejack was holding. It wasn’t long before the tell-tale crinkling of tiny metal tumblers falling told them the acid had done its job.

“That should be enough,” Applejack said. “Now quickly and quietly…”

But Rainbow wasn't there. Applejack turned and saw a blue blur that crashed through the door.

“That wasn’t quietly!” Applejack hissed.

Rainbow popped up. “But it was quickly!”

“Ah meant both at the same time!”

“Look, I want to go home, and to do that we gotta get your hat back. It's not a bad idea.”

“Yeah, until…”

The shouts from the approaching guards finished that sentence for her.

“Come on!”

The two sprinted down the halls. Applejack led the way, sprinting through twisting passageways until they ran into the stairway… which was currently crawling with guards.

“Plan B!” Rainbow said, ripping one of the small black vials from her makeshift belt and shattering it on the ground. Thick black smoke erupted from the vial, filling the room with darkness and sending the guards into coughing fits.

There was a pause, and then two ponies wearing wet scarves over their mouths burst through the wall of smoke and continued on their quest.

“Where to now?”

“DeMule probably kept it under lock and key. I’ll bet apples to bits it’s in that safe in his room!”
They soon got there, and burst through the door together in one leap.

Rainbow skidded to a stop and cheered exuberantly. “Haha! We have got to try that again!”

“Focus, Rainbow!” Applejack scolded. She went over to the standing safe in the room and began fiddling with the dial.

“I don’t think so,” Rainbow said. “In all the books, they keep stuff in safes behind pictures…” She picked up a poker from the fireplace and walked over to a painting. “Like this one!” She reared back and stabbed it right through the painting.

And her poker went right through the painting and through the Sheetrock behind it and right through the wall.

“Ok,” Rainbow said hesitantly, withdrawing the poker with a few quick tugs. “Maybe we’ll try your way first.”

“That one's a classic!” Applejack protested.

“Probably just a copy,” Rainbow said, more to reassure herself than anything.

“Get the acid over here before you break something else.”

Working quickly, and listening for any approaching guards, they waited for the acid to work. And then…

“They're in there!”

Applejack had decided enough was enough. She turned and bucked the door of the safe. Apparently they'd used enough, because the door popped open. Ignoring the papers and stacks of bits, she grabbed the hat sitting on the top shelf and turned to the door… only to be faced with a whole group of guards, far too many to fight.

“Put your hooves up!” the lead guard ordered.

Rainbow did so, flinging the two small vials she held in her hooves in the air as she did.

“Oh, not again…”

Thick black smoke blanketed the area, and the guards collapsed, coughing uncontrollably again.

The two thieves who weren't really thieves flew (well, one literally, one figuratively) through the air to make their escape.

But as Rainbow tore through the smoke, she hit something that definitely wasn’t supposed to be there. It was squishy and said “oomph!” as Rainbow hit it, and she lost control of her flight and skidded along the ground.

She shot to her hooves again, and stared ah the pony laying supine on the ground. “Hey, it's that ninja pony again!” Rainbow paused. “Oops.”

“We’ll worry about her later!” Applejack hissed. “Come on!”

Back under the bridge, they caught their breath.

Rainbow recovered first. “Toldja we'd get it back,” she said, swinging a hoof enthusiastically. “Who's awesome?”

“Rainbow…”

“That's right! It's me!”

“Rainbow…”

“Well, you were pretty good, too.”

“Rainbow…”

“What?”

“Rainbow… this ain't my hat.”

FierceRainbow

“This ain’t my hat.”

Rainbow Dash could only stare blankly at her best friend, the stetson perched on her head. Finally, her brain put together a response. “What do you mean… that’s not your hat?”

“I mean it ain’t my hat,” Applejack shook her head, plucking the accessory off her scruffy mane to hold between her hooves. “Jus’ doesn’t feel right.”

Rainbow snorted, her stomach churning with a sudden flash of anger. “Of course it doesn’t! You haven’t worn it in like, forever.”

“S’only been ‘bout a day sugarcube.”

“Whatever, it’s the same thing.”

Applejack sighed, replacing the hat. “I’m sorry, Rainbow. I know my hat, and this ain’t it.”

“But it’s got to be!” she protested, her mind rejecting the idea of retracing their steps to go and find the hat again. “I mean, that dude had it in his safe. It’s obviously it.”

“It ain’t my hat!”

Her sudden outburst shocked Rainbow, clamping her mouth shut as Applejack thrust herself forwards so their muzzles were almost touching. Her green eyes sparked defiantly, her lips twisted into a scowl. She blinked at the smoldering look in their depths, unable to look away.

“Oh!” Applejack broke contact, stumbling backwards. “I- I… Don’t want no fighting, okay? I didn’t mean to lash out at ya’ll like that.”

“No, it’s fine,” she mumbled, staring down at her hooves shifting on the ground. “You’re right. Nopony knows hats like you.” She chuckled quietly, giving her a shy smile.

“Thanks, sugarcube,” Applejack tore her gaze away, refusing to look at her with those green eyes.

“So, uh,” Rainbow attempted to break through the thick silence that had settled over them. “What now?”

“I don’t know.”

Rainbow Dash bit her lip to prevent herself from moaning in frustration. For all she said Dash messed around too much, she could be annoyingly indecisive sometimes. “Well, this is your thing. Just give me the word and I’ll do whatever.”

Applejack smirked. “Anythin’?”

Rainbow raised her eyebrows, matching her smirk with one of her own. “Don’t go getting any ideas. I’m just talking about the hat here.”

“I think we’d better get this back where it belongs then. Although I might hold onto it fer now. I’m startin’ to really miss my good ol’ stetson.”

Rainbow chuckled. “Why don’t you just keep that one then? You seem perfectly happy with it.”

Applejack scowled at her words. “I ain’t keepin’ it. I want my real hat, not some stolen fake.”

“Woah, calm down,” she frowned, feeling a slight twinge in her chest. “It was just a joke.”

The mare scuffed at the ground with her hooves. “Maybe ya’ll shouldn’t make jokes. This is serious, Rainbow.”

“Getting your hat is serious?” she grinned, unfurling her wings proudly. “Please, it’ll be a piece of cake with me around.”

“But it ain’t been a piece of cake!” Applejack thrust herself forwards again. “We gone through Granny Smith knows what, heck, I almost died, an’ now it’s been stolen by some fancy stallion. It ain’t no piece o’ cake no more.”

Blowing air out her nose, she stepped backwards. “Have a little faith, AJ. It’s not been easy, but I can do it.”

“We can do it. Ya cain’t do this thing all on yer own.”

The sketchy outlines of a plan began to form in her mind. Rainbow Dash flexed her wings, feelings the smooth muscle rippling beneath the glossy feathers. “I could do it on my own. I can fly, I can get into high places.”

“Are ya’ll sayin’ I cain’t do it ‘cause I’m an Earth pony?” Applejack sputtered indignantly. Rainbow suddenly realized her mistake. “Of all the nerve! I’m plenty capable without wings, thank ya very much, Rainbow Dash.”

“I didn’t mean that,” she protested. “I just meant there are some things I can do that you can’t, not that I’m better than you. Although, I am faster,” a sly smirk drew itself onto her lips.

“What?” the short word confused Rainbow, tilting her head slightly. Before she could open her mouth to ask for an elaboration, Applejack fulfilled her wish. “What can ya’ll do as a Pegasus that I cain’t do as an Earth pony. Tell me.”

“Uh, I can fly,” she pointed out the obvious answer. “Now, if you don’t want me putting my talents to use, then I think you’d better come up with a plan, ‘cause I’ve got nothing.”

Applejack sighed, rolling her eyes. “I’ll get somethin’. Jus’ go out of the way somewhere while I do.”

Fuming, Rainbow Dash stomped away from her friend. Just go out of the way somewhere? What the hay was that supposed to mean? Well, she’d show her just how good her plan was, and Applejack would have to admit Rainbow was right and she was wrong.

Riser5

It had been half an hour since Rainbow Dash had left Applejack under the bridge. Rainbow has made her way back to the city in hopes of finding a clue on how to get the hat back. She couldn’t buy a replacement, Applejack would never fall for it. Frustrated, Rainbow wandered down the streets deep in thought unaware of her surroundings.

Rainbow was pulled back to reality when she heard the sound of running water. There was a grand fountain in the streets there, and a group of foals were running and playing around near the streams of water. Rainbow had walked straight into the city square without realizing.

Forgetting her frustration with the hat and her anger at Applejack for a minute, Rainbow stopped to take in the beauty of Los Pegasus. She really hadn’t had the chance to do so with all this hat chasing. Rainbow had to admit, although she would never say it out loud, but the city was beautiful. Rainbow felt at peace with the city, and she ignored the glances she was getting from ponies around her. Yet one of these ponies was quite amused to see Rainbow standing in the streets, lost in her own mind.

“Hey Rainbow Dash!” a familiar voice called from behind. “Rainbow, what are you doing?! You can’t just stand in the street like that.”

Rainbow shot up into the air at the call of her name. Hovering above the ground, she sheepishly looked around for the pony that called her. Without even seeing the pony, Rainbow knew who it was, that voice was unmistakable. “Lightning Dust, where are you?”

“I’m up here,” Lighting Dust called from above. Rainbow flew up to Lightning Dust so she wouldn’t have to yell. “What are you doing standing in the streets?”

“I was–” Rainbow thought of an excuse “–just… resting my wings! Yeah, that’s it.”

“Well you looked weird, anyways are you still looking for that silly hat with your friend?”

“How do you know about all that?”

“I talked to her about it earlier, right after she’d almost fell to her death.”

Rainbow laughed nervously. “Heh, yeah, so what do you know about the hat?”

“Not much, I was just curious.” Lightning replied. “It’s been so long since Wonderbolts Academy, it’s good to see you. I really do feel bad about the whole thing, and especially after how I treated you, I’m a better pony now, I swear. Maybe we could hang out some time and I could show you. You seem like a great person too though, Element of Loyalty and all…”

Lightning Dust stopped, she noticed Rainbow wasn’t paying attention. Rainbow gazed off into the distance at something. “Uh, Lightning, sorry to be like this, but I really have to go.” Without waiting for a response, Rainbow dashed off into the distance.

“So I take it that you’re busy, maybe later,” Lightning tried to call after her, her words lost in space. Rainbow was flying off to a black speck in the distance. “Hmph,” she said, “Rainbow sounded urgent, maybe she could use some help from a loyal friend...”

As she neared the target, Rainbow started to yell to get the pony’s attention. “Yo ninja pony, err, donkey. Land the glider, I need to talk to you,” there was no reply. “This is serious, land now!” the ninja just glanced at Rainbow, and then after a few seconds of silence pulled a sharp right. Rainbow smiled at the thought of bringing it up to AJ that she was right, being a pegasus in this situation was more helpful.

The ninja slowly soared down towards a field outside the city, Rainbow close behind. When the aircraft landed, the ninja walked over to Rainbow. “What do you want?”

“Applejack’s hat, you were there when we ran from DeMule, what do you know of it?” she asked.

“That hat? Didn’t you two just steal it?” asked the ninja.

“Well, yes, but it wasn’t the real hat. It was some cheap fake,” Rainbow replied awkwardly.

“If that was a fake, then I think I know where you could find the real one,” the ninja said, “DeMule isn’t exactly the smartest guy you’ll meet.”

“You can get the hat for me?!”

“No, I won’t get it. I can show you where it is and how to reach it, but I’m not messing with DeMule again for awhile. I barely managed to make it out last time because of you,” the ninja said bitterly. “But how ‘bout I make a deal with you. I can help you get the hat, but you have to repay me a favor later.”

“You’ve got a deal,” Rainbow said impulsively, “I can repay you anytime you need. Just show me where to search.”

Leaving the hang glider, the ninja smiled and turned towards the city. She just nodded for Rainbow to follow.

The two were unaware of the pegasus with a pale turquoise coat in the distance who was watching the whole thing from a tree.

The ninja donkey seemed to take a horribly slow time to wherever she was leading Rainbow. They seemed to have just turned down the 5th alley in a row, and the buildings grew taller as they walked. Rainbow came upon a massive warehouse that dwarfed all the surrounding buildings.

“Well, this is DeMule’s warehouse. There are probably a lot of guards in there, making sure no one messes with Mr. DeMule’s stuff. This is the backdoor, usually not many guards are back here, so you’ll be safe when you enter.”

“And you’re sure the hat is in there?” Rainbow asked.

“Yeah, I think so,” the ninja replied nervously. “I can help you get in, but I’m leaving you after that.” The ninja fidgeted in place.

“What’s wrong with using the door?”

“Oh, nothing. I just thought you might be new to stealing after I saw your stealth last time.”

“It’s not stealing! It was ours first!” yelled Rainbow.

“Okay, okay! I’m not here to chat, let’s go. You first.”

Something about that should’ve raised a flag for Rainbow Dash. Yet even after she opened the creaky door to the large warehouse, and saw only a few lights lit off in the distance, Rainbow still felt fine. The whole place far darker than she’d imagined, and some places were almost pitch black, which is weird, because that would just make it harder for a guard to spot a thief. The ninja nudged her further, muttering for her to keep moving. Rainbow walked ten steps into the warehouse, it seemed bigger on the inside, and darker.

There was a click behind her. The warehouse door shut. Before she could react, Rainbow was slammed into the ground by two large stallions.

Her head hit the ground hard, and her ears were ringing. The two stallions took her hooves and tied them together, and rope was taut around her core to keep her wings down.

Rainbow lay motionless, her head in immense pain. She faintly made out the crude voice of someone laughing.

The lights of the warehouse flashed on, making the entire place brighter than outside. DeMule stood there alongside the ninja, the former laughing with a big grin of his.

“There, I brought you Rainbow Dash, just like you asked. Now will you leave me alone?” the ninja said to DeMule.

Mr. DeMule condescendingly replied, “I appreciate your efforts, but that wasn’t our deal. You said you would bring them both to me, and I only see one pony tied down there. You still have to bring me the orange one. Or else.”

“Yes Mr. DeMule, I’m sorry, but Rainbow was by herself when I found her. I have no idea where her friend is.”

“WELL FIND HER THEN!” DeMule screamed. All the guards in the room visibly tensed up at this. Fearfully, the ninja nodded.

“I will be back then,” the ninja said. “Oh, and Rainbow, remember how you owe me a favor?” she added with a crooked smile, “what I ask of you is that you be a nice little pony and wait here with Mr. DeMule while I capture your orange friend. He has big plans in store for you two, and they’re not good.” The ninja laughed as she walked out.

Rainbow lay there in panic, her head still ringing. DeMule sat in the corner watching Rainbow struggle. He has big plans indeed.

Masterweaver

Applejack grumbled something under her breath as she trotted down one of Applewood’s many roads and glanced up at the rising moon. The sound of her hooves could barely be heard over the general chatter, small groups of ponies headed home or to parties or... whatever Applewood ponies did. Great Great Great Uncle Applewood had always been a bit of a loonie, according to Granny Smith, but at least he was a fun loonie.

Kind of like Pinkie, she supposed.

...heck, Applewood might be the connection between her and her fourth cousin five times removed. He’d left a lot of seeds lying around, after all.

“If only Pinkie were here.” Applejack sighed, staring up at what few stars survived the wild light pollution. “Or Rarity, she’d be helpful too. Twilight would come up with a plan. Fluttershy...”

A rat skittered out of an alleyway and into the gutter. The farmpony rolled her eyes. “Yep, Fluttershy could at least ask the rats for directions.” She sat down, rubbing the back of her head. “Celestia’s fetlocks, Ah miss those girls. And my family. And all of Ponyville. Ah just wish... Ah just wish Ah had a friend around here...”

Suddenly, her ears perked. The familiar fwompsh fwamph of agile wings came from the air behind her, and a tomcoltish voice was calling her name. Applejack turned around, forcing the smile tugging at her lips to disappear. “Well, look what tha cat dragged...”

She narrowed her eyes. “...oh.”

Lightning Dust landed and shrugged. “Yeah, I know. Sorry. Rainbow’s still off fetching your hat.” She shook her head. “That thing survived a tornado when we first met... I still can’t believe it ever popped off your head.”

Applejack rose an eyebrow. “Yeah, about that...”

Lightning Dust sighed. “Yeah, yeah. I apologize for nearly killing you. And your friends. I... was irresponsible and immature and it took my own mother kicking me out of the Wonderbolts to realize that.”

“Yer... mother?”

“Spitfire.” Lightning Dust gestured at her face. “I’m told I have her eyes.”

“...ooooooh.” The farmpony winced in sympathy. “Yeah, Ah can see how that would hurt a lot. Family’s pretty much mah thang, even earned mah cutie mark for it.”

“It’s not all bad,” Lightning Dust muttered. “I’m still a bundle of talent and I can reapply... in, well, another six months. If I raise the money. Speaking of which, you wouldn’t have a spare thousand bits, would you?”

Applejack lidded her eyes.

“...yeah, didn’t think so.” The pegasus rolled her eyes. “Meh. Another few rounds being a stunt double and I should have the money anyway. Assuming my luck holds out.” She kicked at a loose cobblestone. “The coat and mane makeup they put on me sometimes.... Anyway, that isn’t important. What is important is... well, I figured, even if we met on bad terms, I could help you. In some way. I dunno, I...” She sat down. “I just wanted to do something.”

Applejack looked the pegasus up and down. She was surprisingly withdrawn for a former wonderbolt-to-be, her wings drooping as one hoof rubbed a fetlock and her eyes glided over the ground.

The orange pony gave out a long, resigned sigh. “Okay, okay. Ya want ta help? Tell me everythang ya know about DeMule.”

Lightning Dust’s gaze snapped to her, wide eyed. “DeMule?! THE DeMule?!”

“...um. Yes?”

“And your hat.... was it, like, special? And I don’t mean personally, I mean like one in a million kind of special.”

Applejack brought her hoof to her muzzle. “Well... he did say something bout it being in tha original run... and that ninja gal mentioned an Illinois Bones. All Ah know is it’s been in mah family fer generations.”

“Spawned a thousand imitators...” Lightning Dust murmured. “How many hats like that do you have?”

“A lot, but this one was.... it always felt different.” The farmpony raised an eyebrow. “Are ya going somewhere with this?”

“You wouldn’t happen to be related to Applewood, would you?”

“...distantly,” Applejack hedged. “Why?”

Lightning Dust stared at her for a few moments longer.

Then she took a deep breath. “Okay, this next bit is going to seem a bit weird to you, but I kinda have to get this out of my system okay?”

“Uh--”

The pegasus prostrated herself before the farmer. “Ave quæ petasus gerit! Quae Dei et Domini nostri Inhabitant! Quando amoris et amor consumitur consumit texente antiquos gloria nostra dabit! Faciamus evigilare faciatis dea Arachne!”

Applejack stared at her for a moment. “...hon, all I got out of that was something about love, blankets, and spiders.”

“Yeah, had to make sure.” Lightning Dust stood, brushing herself off with a slight blush. “See, after... you know, I was kind of in a bad place. Mentally. And, uh... I got a little desperate, and there were these apparently nice ponies and... I joined a bit of a kind of cult, okay?”

“What does any of this have to do with mah hat?”

“Erm.” Lightning Dust giggled awkwardly. “See, the cult--which I am no longer part of-- believed there was a sleeping spider goddess that was passed down through some bloodline. And when she awakened, great things would happen. The current incarnation of the sleeping spider goddess would always wear a special hat, designed to look rather... ordinary, to be honest, so only the cultists would be able to identify her and... and keep her safe.”

Applejack groaned. “Oh, you have ta be kidden’.”

“See, the thing is, um... it used to be just a bunch of weirdos gathering for saturday night chants and a bit of bowling on the side. We kinda lost track of the bloodline after Applewood, but it was still a local myth... then DeMule came along and things got nasty. I got out quick after that.” Lightning Dust smiled awkwardly. “Aheh.”

There was a method to handle situations like this. Applejack brought a hoof to her chest, inhaling deeply. Then she reached out slowly with a long exhale.

“Right. Crazy coincidence. Okay, so assuming DeMule is really a leader of this cult gone bad... what does he want?”

“Well, I’d think he would want to awaken the goddess.”

“How?”

Lightning Dust shrugged helplessly. “Illinois Bones was the last of the incarnations to be taught about their heritage, and he inscribed the instructions to awaken the goddess on the base of a zebra statue, or so the legend goes. Apart from that, part of the chant translates to ‘when love consumes and love is consumed...’”

She paused. “Er, are you and Dash a thing?”

“No.” Applejack paused. “Well, she kissed me, so maybe. Why?”

Lightning Dust bit her lip. “Um.”

“...wait. When ya say love is consumed, do you mean metaphorically or--?”

“I don’t know, but DeMule is certain it’s literal.”

The farmpony blanched. “He wants me to eat--?!”

“Yeah.” Lightning Dust glanced away. “He’s really wrecked the cult.”

“I’d say he’s purified it,” came a new voice. The pegasus barely had time to react before a familiar black-clad pony slammed into her and knocked her out. “And here I thought pegasi thought in three dimensions.”

Applejack backed away quickly, trying to get out of range. “YOU!”

The pony gave her a salacious smirk. “All hail the goddess.” Then she lunged.

Author's Note

Hail she who wears the hat! She who houses our god and lord! When love is consumed and love consumes, the ancient weaver will bring about our glory! Let us awaken the goddess Arachne!

Knight of Cerebus

Applejack awoke to the sound of grumbling, the smell of fish and candles and a stinging sensation percolating from behind her right ear down the rest of her skull. As her vision fogged to life, she saw that there was an altar in front of her with several fish on silver platters and a runic circle marked by candles surrounding it. All around were odd and slightly tasteless pieces of art. Here a singing fish rendered in bronze. There a painting of Photo Finish's behind. She struggled to get up, but found herself tied to an abstract sculpture that gave off the appearance of a toddler's rendition of a pony. “An ode to love”, it was titled.

“Can't believe I let you talk me into this...” came a very welcome voice from behind her.

“Rainbow Dash!” Applejack said, springing to attention.

“Yep, that's me. Stupid, stupid, stupid...” Dash was glowering at an especially offensive piece of tiling about seven hooves away.

Applejack sighed.

“What'a we gotten ourselves into this time?”

“A crazy pony wants to use you to resurrect an ancient pony goddess of spiders because you wear her hat." Applejack raised an eyebrow. "Yes, really. I don't claim to get it either. “

“...Kay. So what's gotten you huffing more'n dragon in a pepper plant?” Applejack asked, a smirk wide on her face.

“She's just mad because I played her for a sucker.” The voice came from behind the pair, both of whom struggled against their bonds to see their antagonist. The ninja stepped from behind the statue to lean against one of the four pillars supporting the room.

Applejack noticed Dash struggling against her bonds and smirked. She could only imagine Dash's thoughts on the ninja. Even in a scheme as ridiculous as using Applejack's hat to summon a demon goddess, her pride still got bruised every time somepony exploited her loyalty. Rainbow Dash was a pony of principle. Applejack's kind of pony.

For a brief moment, she wasn't trapped in a moronic cultist's basement about to hear yet another lecture about the glorious rebirth of civilization as ponies knew it. She was thinking about Dash giving her a cocky smirk, the two of them racing, arm wrestling and apple bucking the days away. Except now, Dash wouldn't just throw snickers and smirks her way. She'd get smiles, and hugs, and maybe a kiss or two if she was quick. She wouldn't just have a rival and a playmate.

She'd be...loved. She thought about telling her family, about what it would mean for her chores. She thought about how her falling in love might change her friendship with the others. She wondered about what the farm would look like with two mares kicking apples and running things alongside Big Mac. She wondered how a Wonderbolt could date a farm pony and still tour the world.

She could have mused on Rainbow Dash and what dating her would mean for ages, but she was distracted by the ninja clearing her throat impatiently. Applejack sighed. “I'm guessin' this is the part where you lecture us 'bout how great you are and how stupid we are and how your plan's unstoppable, am I right?”

As she said this, she edged a hoof around Dash's, giving Dash a supportive smile.

“Correct!” Applejack and Dash turned to see none other than DeMule prancing vaingloriously towards them. He wrapped a hoof around the ninja beside him, a fiendish grin on his face.

“My dear colleague here did a fine job of foiling your silly little theft attempt.” He gave her a nuzzle, which the ninja briefly reciprocated, the two of them suddenly returning to staring at the tied ponies with cocky smirks shortly after.

“Yer crazy if'n ya think that you can just summon a spider god without Princess Celestia stoppin' you, Demule!”

“Fools!” Demule boomed, relishing every minute of his villain speech. “I've already distracted her with a romantic dinner at the cake palace!”

“Then, er...Twilight will find the other girls and stop you!”

DeMule let out another giggle. “And who do you think Her Majesty's accompaniment was?”

Dash and Applejack sighed.

“Figures.” Dash said. “So how is this one gonna go? So far we've heard ‘use the power of love to conquer a kingdom that runs on friendship and love’, ‘make the world hotter in a world where another pony can turn off the sun.’ and ‘be nice to Fluttershy and hope she's nice back.’ as world conquering schemes. I don't think yours will be much dumber.”

DeMule got a mad look in his eyes. “That's where you're wrong!...Er...Which is to say...Fools! I shall prove my brilliance to you with this!” He reached behind a painting of Princess Luna sleeping through the vanquishing of Tirek to grab a large red button, then jammed his hoof down upon it.

There was a rattle of machinery and the heavy sound of stone grinding on stone, and a large wooden contraption appeared in front of the bewildered pair. The mechanical whirl was matched by a maniacal laugh from DeMule, which grew more and more unhinged as he went. Runes were etched all across it, their meaning more than lost upon Applejack. Long arms came from a wooden column reaching for the sky, each arm holding a set of pegs jutting upwards from their branches. Upon one arm rested a bright red fez with a yellow pompon, and on another a top hat. There were baseball caps, beanies, ten gallon hats, fedoras, beer caps, coonskins and trilbies draped all along its protrusions. At its top sat an empty pedestal, more runes carved along it and gold running along its trim.
Applejack and Dash blinked.

“...A hat rack?”

SHL

“You’re kidding, right?” Rainbow said with a tired tone. “That’s your secret weapon? A stupid giant hat rack?”

DeMule’s evil grin grew up. “A fool’s mind can’t understand such glorious and powerful artifact like this.”

“What we really understand is that yer totally crazy.” Applejack said, shaking her head.

“Oh, ladies. You’re two of the Elements of Harmony.” DeMule reminded them. “You’ve seen a lot of magical and strange things before. So, please, take a better look at the hat rack.”

The two mares exchanged looks before put their eyes at that thing. It took them a few seconds but finally they saw it.

“Runes.” Applejack spoke. “It has runes.”

“There is no doubt, you are the wiser of the two, miss Applejack.”

“Well, it has runes, so what?” Rainbow Dash tone’s was an irritated one. “Still a stupid giant hat rack.”

DeMule shook his head in disappointment “And you’re friends of the Princess of Magic. Think, miss Dash. Those are magical runes. This hat rack is the most powerful artifact of our goddess. Every hat, no matter which kind, that hangs on the rack becomes a magical brainwasher. When somepony wears one of them, they immediately turn into a slave, obeying the whims of the one who controls the hat rack:” He made a melodramatic pause. “Our dear spider goddess.”

Applejack gulped. Could really the rack do something like that? There were at least five hundred hats. But then, she realized something. “There is a big problem with yer ‘perfect’ plan, DeMule.” She grinned. “How the heck are gonna make so many ponies put those hats? Are ya gonna sell them one by one?”

“Yeah, that’s gonna take you only-” Rainbow’s joking tone was notorious and her expression told the same. “I don’t know, ten years?”

But, despite the mood of the two friends, DeMule wasn’t laughing at all. “Actually, that won’t be necessary. You see, when we awaken your true nature, miss Applejack, we only need to put your Stetson at the hat rack’s top. Then, your power will flow through it to all the runes and the other hats will fly away, seeking an ‘owner’ with their own power.”

The ears of the two mares dropped down as they felt a shiver of fear. Things were starting to sound real serious for them and Equestria.

“You won’t get it, asshole!” Dash struggled trying to free herself of the ropes. “Even with Twilight and Celestia da- eer, busy, our other friends and Princess Luna will kick your ass!”

“I’m afraid that you’re mistaken, miss Dash.” That time, it was the ninja pony who spoke and she sounded very confident. “We took out ALL of them. First, lady Rarity was called to go to Manehattan as soon as possible for an important special order and we know that the little dragon is with her. Pinkie Pie received a request from her friend and partner Cheese Sandwich to join him in Fillydelphia to make together an epic party. Last, but not the least, Princess Luna has finally summoned her courage, thanks to the convenient helpful advice of one of her servants, to ask the lovely Fluttershy on a date.” The ninja chuckled. “Ah, and of course, the Princess of Love and her husband are far away in the Crystal Empire.”

Again, Applejack and Rainbow Dash changed looks but of nervousness this time. Is this the end? The cowpony thought. Ah don’t want to end here. Ah just realize now how important is Dash to me.

“As you can see, nopony can stop us!” DeMule laughed like a maniac, raising his forelegs. "With the goddess by our side, we’ll be invincible!”

“Don’t you know that the first rule to whoever try to conquer the world is to never say that words?” A voice crossed the room. Something suddenly grabbed the ninja by the neck and slammed her against a wall, leaving her unconscious. Before anypony could react, a figure stood between the cultists and the two trapped mares, with a whip in a hoof and a knife in her mouth.

A figure that Rainbow Dash could recognize anywhere.

“Daring Do!”

BronyNeumo

“That hat belongs in a museum!” Daring Do quipped, snapping her whip in Demule’s general direction.

“Only over my dead body.” Demule snarled as he jumped back, out of the reach of the mare. From the shadows behind him, two burly stallions leapt into the fray, angling directly towards Daring Do’s throat.

“Now, I’d hate to be a third wheel, here…” The pegasus mare smirked as she spun the whip above her head, catching it’s tip on one of the enormous hat rack’s rungs. In the next split second, she whisked herself out of the way, leaving just enough time for the two lunging guards to slam headlong into one another, collapsing to the ground in a daze. “…but I think you two make a lovely couple.”

“Get her get her get her!” Demule screamed. Daring Do merely laughed, jumping from rung to rung on the hat rack and knocking hats to the ground, taunting the few remaining stallion guards from high above all the way.

“You fellas look lost!” She called, readying her wings for flight just as one of the henchmen managed to throw a particularly heavy-looking and misshapen stone statue at her. It missed her in midair by mere in inches. The famed archaeologist retreated towards the ceiling of the warehouse. “Let me shed some light on the situation.”

With a swift movement of her knife, the pegasus sliced through a solitary cable that ran into the warehouse from the outside. In a flash, power was cut to all the ceiling lights, and the entire room was plunged into sudden darkness.

For a few tense moments, Applejack and Rainbow Dash could hardly see each other, let alone anything else around them. Meanwhile, the agitated shouting of Demule and his henchmen cut through the murk. “I don’t care if you can’t see her, you bumbling idiots! Someone strike a light! Catch her! Catch her!”

“Are you guys ok?” A whisper sounded near Rainbow Dash’s ear. She turned to see her idol crouched next to her, knife still in mouth.

“Boy are we ever!” The prismatic pegasus replied, her voice awash in relief.

“Great. Here.” Daring Do handed her biggest fan the knife, which Rainbow took gladly. “Use this to cut your bindings. There’s no time to waste. I’m going to lead them on a merry chase.”

In another instant, Daring Do was gone, leaving Dash to awkwardly saw at the ropes holding her front hooves.

A sudden blaze of light. One of the henchmen managed to light a lantern, and it swung wildly from his mouth as he glanced around madly in search of the archaeologist-turned-adventurer-turned-rescuer.

The light, of course, merely led the mare straight to him. With all the force of a fully-grown minotaur, she slammed into the large stallion from the back, and he collapsed underneath her, the lantern launching from his mouth and skittering away across the concrete floor. Hearing the sound of the struggle, two more guards dashed towards her, but Daring Do easily saw them coming. They were barely five hooves away from her when she wrapped them up in her trademark whip, tying them together with a neat little bow. “Well, that settles that, I guess.” She smirked, just seconds before feeling the contact of flesh on flesh, as a strong hoof collided against the base of her skull.

As the sounds of the struggle emanated throughout the cavernous warehouse, Rainbow Dash sawed furiously at Applejack’s bindings, having extricated herself only moments before. “Hurry up, Dash. We don’t got much time.” Applejack hissed, still unable to see much of anything.

In a daze, Daring Do stumbled back into the darkness, away from her attacker. “Strong… strong punch you got there, friend.” She called out into the gloom, “But if you want to hit me again, you’ll have to catch me first!” She took off down the aisles of the stacked crates and strange artwork, blinding rushing whichever way her gut told her. She could hear the last remaining stallions behind her in hot pursuit, as she readied her next trap.

“Got it!” Rainbow Dash mumbled around the knife as the last of Applejack’s ropes fell free. The earth mare stood up, now barely able to see Rainbow Dash’s face in front of her in a strange, growing light. She took the opportunity to plant a kiss right on the pegasus’s cheek. She swore she could see a blush tinge her friend’s face in that exact spot.

“Thanks, Sugarcube.” She smiled.

“I don’t think you two are going anywhere.” A voice from behind. The pair spun around, only to be confronted with the looming visage of Demule, directly behind them. Before they could react, he had thrust his forelegs around their necks, crashing their heads together and bringing their ears right up to his mouth. “I have invested far too much time and money to see my plans fall flat at the hooves of a couple fillyfoolers and their overzealous comic-book hero!”

Any witty retort either Rainbow Dash or Applejack might have had died on their lips as they saw what was behind them.
“What, speechless, I assume? What is it, what are you staring at?” The mule craned his neck to look behind him, and his eyes glazed over in horror.

The fallen lantern from before, its glass case shattered, had released its volatile contents of oil all over the floor, waiting only for an errant spark to ignite them. The flames, once they took hold, had spread rapidly, dancing across the ground in every which way, until they reached the base of the towering coat rack. The oil-fed fire had wasted little time in catching hold on the wood frame, and soon spread high into a spiraling tower of flame. Swirling tendrils of long, orange flame licked their way up the wooden structure, eating into the flimsy fabric of numerous hats, charring the intricately carved runes to mere black dust. The onlookers watched in awe as the hat rack became the fodder for a growing inferno.

“No.” Demule cried out as he fell to his knees, “NO!”

“Reference your last rant, Demule.” Daring Do called as she flew into the fire-cast light form somewhere afar, “I don’t think your plans are falling flat, I rather think they’re going up in flames.” She landed behind the prone mule, and without a second thought, spun in her place and delivered a swift, powerful kick to the cult leader with both hind legs. He flailed though the air and collided heavily with the base of his once-proudest creation. The wood structure, so weakened already by tongues of scorching flame, suffered this final blow poorly. With a creak and a heavy groan, the towering, burning hat rack collapsed, landing finally and fatally upon the defeated form of its architect.

Daring Do coughed in the rising cloud of dust and smoke. She turned to Applejack. “I believe I have something of yours.” With a wink, she produced from a saddlebag a very worn, yet very familiar-looking, Stetson, and bestowed in upon it’s rightful owner’s head. The earth mare just stared at her. “Don’t ask me how I got it. Let’s just say I had to fight through a good many more guards before getting here. And you,” She turned to Rainbow Dash, “take good care of your museum.” She winked. “Now, let’s get out of here!”

Bewildered, the two mares could only nod in silent agreement, and the three dashed towards a set of doors, illuminated by the growing conflagration. Mere hooves from their exit and freedom, however, Applejack skidded to a halt. “Wait! We forgot Lightning Dust! Where’s Lightning Dust?”

The Yaoi Mistress

“Lightning Dust? Why would she be here?” Rainbow Dash asked her companion, stopping her with a wing from entering the warehouse, where the flames were quickly spreading.

“She was with me when that ninja jumped us,” the earth pony immediately replied, glancing at Rainbow. “They might've brought her here too!”

“What?” Rainbow exclaimed. Any further reaction was interrupted by the distant sirens of the local firefighters. They stepped back as the place collapsed and was engulfed in flames.

The pair were still getting their bearings on the situation as the police approached them, ushering them away as the fire was contained and the paramedics treated the wounded.

Two hours later, Celestia had once again brought forth the sun. Applejack and Rainbow Dash had given their statement on the events. Despite initial skepticism, the authorities believed their story, backed up as it was by a number of Demule cronies. As they stepped out of the police station, the pair stared in surprise and relief at the pegasus waiting near the gate.

“Yer alive!” The farmer cried out as she ran towards Lightning Dust, Rainbow Dash slowly fluttering behind her.

“Glad I can say the same about you two!” she greeted in return. “After that mess, I figured I'd find you here.”

“Huh?” the pair exclaimed, glancing at each other in confusion.

“Here, look at this.” Lightning ducked her head under her wing. She then held up a newspaper in her mouth.

Secret cult falls in flames.

“You're on the front page!” She exclaimed after spitting the newspaper out. “I don't even know how the press knew about it, all I did was tell the authorities where the place was...”

Rainbow Dash took the newspaper, skimming over the article along with Applejack. But the earth pony glanced up at Lightning Dust's last few words.

“Who'd ya talk to?” Applejack frowned.

“How do you think the firefighters arrived at a warehouse on the outskirts of the city so fast?” Lightning winked.

Applejack grinned. “Well, thanks a bunch pardner!” She glanced back at Rainbow Dash, who'd just finished reading the article.

“AJ's right, Lightning. You're a lifesaver.”

Lightning shrugged off the mood. “Well, time to get back to work. Wish I could stay.” She snapped a hoof to her head, saluting the pair as she lifted herself into the air. “I'm glad you're both okay. Was nice seeing you!”

“Same here,” Applejack replied.

“Yeah, maybe we can get a coffee next time?” Rainbow winked.

Lightning Dust grinned back, understanding that the hatchet had finally been buried. “I hope so. Well, I'll see you lovebirds around!” She sped away from the blushing pair, disappearing amongst the skyscrapers.

After losing sight of her, Rainbow glanced at Applejack, and found the earth pony staring back. Their bodies slowly inched closer to each other.

“Well, It's all over now.” Rainbow grinned.

“Seems like it.” Applejack replied, her gaze still locked with Rainbow's.

“We got your hat back.” Rainbow continued, her voice softer than before.

Applejack nodded. “Eeyup.”

Rainbow's voice dipped lower still. “Stopped a global evil plot...”

“That we did...” Applejack replied. She could see the blush on Rainbow's muzzle, and knew that her own was just as hot.

“We had a great adventure!”

“Couldn't ask for better company.” Applejack mumbled, their muzzles so close they could feel each other's breath.

“You know what would make this even better?” Dash's voice dropped to a whisper, her eyes lidded in a way that left nothing to the imagination.

“I got a few ideas...” Applejack replied, closing her eyes as their muzzles closed the distance. Just as they were about to make contact, a growling sound shattered the mood. Blinking, they faced the direction of the noise, ready to yell at whatever had interrupted them.

But instead, many voices did it for them.

“Pinkie!”

Timaeus

Without a moment’s hesitation, Rainbow Dash and Applejack took off, leaving their befuddled friends behind. Peals of laughter and whoops of joy escaped their throats as they tore down the cobbled alleys and streets of Applewood. All of the stress, tension, and angst that had been accumulating over the last few days came crashing down around them as they hooted and hollered together. Rainbow and Applejack ignored the flabbergasted ponies of Applewood that they left in their wake. Their faces wore mirrored expressions of joy and giddy excitement. Both considered for a moment how childish they were being as they vaulted over a street vendor’s cart. Such thoughts fled their minds as they rubbed up against each other, closing the distance between them.

This is what their day back at Sweet Apple Acres was supposed to be; just the two of them having fun. No eagle, no train robbery, no ninja, no sleazy Applewood parties, and definitely no spider cult.

Ponies shouted after them as they were almost run over by the pair, but their angered cries fell on deaf ears. Rainbow Dash was too focused on how Applejack’s mane flowed breathtakingly in the wind to see them raise their hooves and shout. She was too busy listening to Applejack cheer and laugh alongside her to hear their protests, and she was too far lost in the glimmer of Applejack’s eyes to pay them any mind. Applejack was equally as captivated. She instinctively ducked and weaved under movers carrying a sofa, her eyes never leaving Rainbow’s.

The two ran until both had gotten well and truly lost in the winding streets of Applewood, though neither of them really cared. It just meant more ‘private time’ before their friends found them.

A patch of green between apartment buildings caught Rainbow’s attention. She nudged Applejack and gestured to an upcoming corner. The two skidded around the corner and were met with a staircase leading up to a park. Grinning madly, the pair took to the stairs two at a time, neck-in-neck and tails brushing each other’s coat.

In a matter of seconds, they had reached the top of the hill. With one last leap, they collapsed on the grass. Chests heaving, they watched each other fight to catch their breaths. They sported matching crimson streaks across their muzzles, due to a combination of exhilaration and exhaustion. The grass, still damp with morning dew, cooled their frames while the light of the early sun warmed their coats.

The hill overlooked much of Applewood, and if either Rainbow Dash or Applejack cared to look, they could see that they had run quite the distance from where they started. However, they didn’t care to look; both found the pony lying across from them much more interesting to observe.

“So,” Rainbow breathed, rolling onto her side. Her eyes were half-lidded, picking up exactly where she had left off before they were interrupted.

“So,” Applejack responded in turn, rolling over to face Rainbow. She could feel the puffs of warm air as they escaped Rainbow’s muzzle, the last of their laughing fit passing in breathless chuckles. Her hat lay on the ground, swaying gently in time with the blades of grass in the breeze.

“I guess we never really got to finish—” Before Rainbow could complete her sentence, Applejack darted forward and caught her mouth in a kiss. Rainbow tensed for a moment, her heart fluttering in her chest. She relaxed and returned the kiss, raising a hoof to cup Applejack’s cheek.

The two separated, crimson staining their muzzles. “There,” Applejack panted, “I’d call that pretty ‘finished.’”

“Y’know,” Rainbow smirked, “one of these days I’m gonna get mad if you keep on interrupting me like that.”

“Oh really? For some reason I find that hard to believe.”

“Okay, I guess it’ll take a while. And a lot more making out.”

“I guess we’ll find out, won’t we?” Applejack chuckled. She wrapped her hooves around Rainbow’s middle, drawing her in close. “Besides, I recall promisin’ to plant one on ya once we got my hat back.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow’s smirk melted into a warm, goofy grin, “you totally did.” Rainbow’s smile faltered and she bit her lip. “Hey, I just remembered. We never did finish what we were talkin’ about back there, did we?”

“What’re you gettin’ at?”

“You know, ‘us.’” Rainbow squeezed Applejack a little tighter. “Like, where do we stand? A lot’s happened, and I dunno, I don’t just want this to be a heat of the moment kind of thing.” She gulped and squirmed in Applejack’s grip. “I know it’s lame and cliche and whatever, but I care too much about you for this not to be real.”

“Now if that ain’t the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.” Applejack rested her forehead against Rainbow’s, capturing her worried gaze. She leaned forward and gently pressed her lips to Rainbow Dash’s cheek. “It’s pretty clear from where I’m standing. What do you think, sugarcube?”

Rainbow’s smile returned in full force. Her voice barely above a whisper, she responded, “I think, from where I’m standing, things are looking pretty awesome.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

The two lay together in the other’s embrace, oblivious of the bustling city around them. They continued to beam at each other, their cheeks starting to smart from smiling for so long.

“So, what now?” Rainbow asked after a time.

Applejack sighed, sliding her hooves away from Rainbow Dash. “Well, for starters, we’d best go back to the others. They’re probably in a right fit tryin’ to find us.”

Rainbow groaned, flopping onto her back. Applejack giggled, standing to her hooves. “C’mon now, there’s plenty of time to ‘talk’ back home.”

It was Rainbow’s turn to sigh as she begrudgingly stood up. “Yeah, yeah. I guess it was kinda uncool how we took off on ‘em and everything.”

“I’d say it was worth the commotion.” Applejack winked as she playfully bumped Rainbow.

“Totally.” Rainbow bumped her back. “Now,” she cast her gaze around the park, “where the heck are we, anyways?”

Brony Eagle Scout

The pair looked around the buildings around the tree they were previously snuggling under. The few buildings that surrounded the park looked to be apartment buildings built a few decades ago, judging from their faded bricks and out of style designs. Applejack looked for a random passerby to ask for directions, but none seemed to be around in the park at the moment.

“Come on Rainbow. Let’s get on back home.” Applejack said as she absentmindedly rubbed her hat.

“You got it.” Rainbow Dash replied with a nod and a smirk.

The pair walked out of the park until they are back onto the cobblestone streets filled with ponies. Before Applejack could ask somepony for directions, Rainbow Dash walked down the road with the flow of ponies back to city central. She gave a sigh before working her way back toward Dash.

“Do you have any idea where we are going?”

“Not particularly. I just figure we’ll run into Pinkie soon and all will be well.”

“When has it gone that smoothly these past few days?”

“I figured the last few minutes have gone over pretty good.”

“Ah’ll grant you that. Hopefully, the party that happens later will make this mess with Demule a far off memory.”

“Knowing Pinkie, it’s gonna be a good one considering all the stuff that happened.”

The streets started to get even more packed by the minute. As ponies bumped into her with not so much as an apology, Rainbow Dash started heading toward an open doorway of a simple looking single story building. Applejack followed her to the less crowded area and sat down on the slightly warm concrete entryway.

“Everything okay Dash?”

“Yeah, being in crowds on the ground is not my favorite thing in the world.”

Applejack shrugged as she watched the mass of ponies continued on pass her. Rainbow Dash sat down next to her and draped a wing over her. Applejack could only smirk at Dash as she shuffled closer. Not many ponies paid them any mind, merely continuing on to their next appointment. A few mares whispered among themselves as they passed the couple.

Suddenly, the door behind Applejack and Rainbow Dash opened slightly with a loud squeak. Rainbow Dash was the first to spring back to her hooves and look into crack inside the building. Seeing little light and a slightly moldy smell, she took a step back and looked at Applejack.

“It doesn’t seem to be occupied. Wanna take a look?”

“Ah think Ah lost my sense of adventure back when a spider goddess cult nearly killed us.”

“Haha. Come on; let’s have a look see before Twi and the rest of them find us.”

“Okay, but we leave at the first sign of trouble.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice.”

Rainbow Dash smiled and pushed the door open and headed inside. Applejack looked back out to the busy street and her common sense was currently screaming at her to remain outside for safety’s sake. Unfortunately, a certain blue mare overrode this vital instinct as she followed Dash inside. The damp moldy smell was not as bad as its first impression as she walked in the seemingly abandoned office building. A few cobwebs decorated the various corners of the offices inside, which only made Applejack more uneasy. Rainbow Dash was looking in one of the larger rooms and called Applejack over.

“It looks like to be an old accounting firm that got shut down a few months back.” Rainbow Dash said as she passed along an eviction notice to Applejack.

“Ah can’t say that fills me with confidence. Ah figure we should get on out of here before something falls on us.” Applejack said with a bit of caution.

“Yeah. I bet Pinkie is outside with her detective hat on and is looking around for us.”

Before either mare moved, a small spider crawled down a string of web in between them. Both of them looked at the little spider with some curiosity as it continued down to the floor and started heading out deeper into the office. Having seemed to abandon their plan, the two mares followed it toward the conference room doors that were closed. Both of them looked at each of other before pushing the doors open.

Suddenly, spiders.

Spiders everywhere.

Applejack froze in place as she could see all their eyes go toward her.

“OUR LEADER!” The arachnids chittered out in a high pitch.

Twilight Sparkle was walking against the crowd of ponies toward a park she had seen before. She got off the street and looked around for the distinct Stetson of Applejack or the prismatic mane of Rainbow Dash. She was walking past a simple single story building when she starting to hear shouts of alarm from inside. She walked up to the door and peered inside. Her eyes widened as she saw her two targets of her search barreling toward her.

“TWILIGHT! TELEPORT SOMEWHERE NOW!” Applejack and Rainbow Dash nearly screamed as they could feel the legs of thousands spiders crawling toward them.

Twilight’s magic enveloped her horn and her entire body as the pair sprinted on fear and adrenaline. As their hooves grabbed hold of a limb of Twilight, a white flash encompassed their bodies and a sudden weightlessness took hold for a briefest of moments. The trio was now in an orchid of trees on very dry soil.

Applejack stood up with an alarming speed and bellowed to the sky.

“NOW WHERE ARE WE?!”

This was met by an equally loud ‘HOWDY Y’ALL WELCOME TO APPLELOOSA’.

Applejack sat back down on the dirt and looked back to her companions. The new princess laid passed out in a fit of magical exhaustion and Rainbow seemed to be not looking so sporty as she could see a bit of green coming to her cheeks. Applejack could only come to this solution.

“Ah got the hat and Ah got the girl. Seems good to me.”

Pearple Prose

Pinkie stopped growling and looked up at her friends, who were glaring at her. “What? Did I do something wrong?”

Twilight looked at her. “Pinkie, you're not a dog.”

“Bark!”

“Yes, that's great, dear.” Rarity turned to Applejack and Dash, a relieved smile lighting up her face. “And oh my good gracious, you will not believe how worried we've been about you two!”

Fluttershy walked over and whispered, “Um, we're really really glad you're both alright...”

Rainbow Dash's face was a mix of confusion, frustration, and relief. “Hey, wait, how did you even find us?”

“We couldn't find you in Ponyville,” Twilight explained, “so we asked around. We heard a few weird stories – ninjas, and cults, and a train robbery? What in the world were you guys doing?”

Applejack blinked. Then she thought back over the events of the last twenty-four hours. Then she looked at Rainbow Dash.

“Yeah, this might take a while.”

“Oh. Well, you can tell us all about it on the train back to Ponyville!” Twilight said, with a joyful smile.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash, however, were not joyful nor smiling. “Oh,” they said simultaneously, wilting like weathered old flowers.

“Oh, did you think we'd be walking all the way back?" Twilight giggled. “You sillies! No, we'll be taking an overnight train back. We'll all be reunited again!”

“Oh.”

“You guys look kinda *ruff*!” Pinkie barked. “But don't worry, Fluttershy'll give you both makeovers!”

“Oh.”

“Yay,” Fluttershy yay'd.

“Oh.” AJ and Rainbow Dash looked at each other. “Mind if we just have a little chat in private?” They didn't wait for an answer, instead choosing to turn around and walk quickly away.

“Hey, Dash? “ AJ whispered.

“Yeah?” Rainbow said.

“I'm thinkin' that we should have a little...”

“Private time?”

“Yeah. You know, just to share one another's 'excellent company.'”

“Sounds cool to me.”

“Yep. Just wait until we get around this corner aaaaand RUN.”