Pony Story

by lunabrony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Adventure, Crossover, Alternate Universe, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Rarity
Length: 2106

A series of interlocking alternate universe parody stories involving Rarity trying to find her place in the world. If things don't get completely out of hoof first. PARODY of my three favorite franchises woven into a new timeline.

Three interlocking stories as Rarity journeys to find her place in the world. All of them are completely unnecessary.

Parody Story #1: Magic School.
Rarity discovers she's a unicorn and must attend Celestia's School of Gifted Ponies.

Parody Story #2: COMING SOON

Parody Story #3: COMING SOON

LINK TO COVER ART (Of which I take no credit)

Published 2014-02-19 05:10:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-26 15:55:53 UTC

1.1 - Magic School

Life as a pony was not always the easiest thing in the world. Life as a foster filly shuffled around from home to home was even more miserable. Rarity was barely into her teenage years, and had already been placed with seven different families. It wasn't that all of them were cruel or unloving, far from it in fact. It came down to the simple fact that none of them wanted a freak for a daughter.

Rarity sighed, rubbing the extension growing from her forehead that had been a pain in her flank since birth. It had always appeared to be a natural extension of her skull, didn't hurt, didn't cause her any formidable problems. But none of the other ponies that she'd seen had one. Not one single pony in her life had she ever seen with a similar case, and the unusual appendage had attracted more than a few stares of the course of her fillyhood.

Sometimes it felt strange, sometimes when she woke unexpectedly in the middle of the night she could swear that it had stopped glowing only moments before, as if her body was the refrigerator and her eyes were the door. She'd never been able to fully catch it doing anything unusual, but whenever she became angry or upset or sad, strange things tended to happen. And she blamed the thing on her head.

Her current foster parents were a fairly young, miserable couple. Blueblood, a high profile CEO at a booming production facility, spent most of his time in Canterlot on business trips. He was rarely home, and Rarity rarely saw him. But when she did, he was frequently so busy that she was lucky if he remembered her name.

That meant most of her time was spent in the company of Diamond Tiara, a miserably bitter mare who's only goal in life seemed to be making Rarity absolutely miserable.

The last three hours had been spent meticulously scrubbing every inch of the floor of her home, using nothing but a dirty rag wrapped around a hoof, a brush in her mouth, and a leaking bucket. Diamond Tiara came to check on her every so often, on more than one occasion tracking fresh mud across the floor for the sole reason of making Rarity scrub it again.

"Aren't you done yet?" Diamond snapped. "You haven't even touched the other items on your list, and I'm not going to go out of my way to provide food for a lazy pony who can't do a simple job correctly. Hurry up!"

Rarity clenched her teeth harder to prevent herself from saying something she surely would regret, the rage building up inside her and only seeming to subside as one of the bedroom doors slammed shut on its own.

Diamond Tiara cringed a bit, and glared at her unfortunate victim. "And you can fix that blasted door while you're at it, that's the third time this week it's done that." Seemingly satisfied, the mare stormed off.

Rarity threw the brush in the bucket with such force that soapy water flew in all directions. She'd had quite enough, and was determined to run away from this awful place. Surely there had to be rules about this. She disliked the thought of going back to the orphanage. She was getting to an age where it was remarkably difficult to become selected, all the applicants went for the foals, the cute ones...

Her hoof slowly reached up to touch the growth on her head.

The normal ones.

Rarity glanced in both directions, intent on leaving this place for good. She snuck off to the back door, not even bothering to take anything with her. It's not like she owned anything, There had been a time when she had saved up bits she'd found lying in the street, and it'd taken her months of scavenging to afford even the most basic outfit.

But Diamond Tiara had discovered her purchases, and burned them, shattering her confidence and dreams of ever having her own designer line. As Rarity swung open the door, she found herself face to face with an owl who was hovering outside the door. It had a scroll in its beak, and Rarity immediately shut the door again. Filthy animal. It could have gotten inside!

"What was that noise?!" Diamond Tiara demanded. "Don't make me come out there!"

"Just trying to keep an owl from getting inside!" Rarity called. "Disgusting thing!" She felt bad saying it, but knew it would get her off the hook for now.

"Good! Keep it outside!" That was about as much of a thank you as she'd ever gotten.

Rarity struggled to make her way to the front of the small house, opening the door there. Again she found herself face to face with the owl, who seemed to be waiting patiently for her wherever she went.

"Stop following me!" She hissed.

"Who?"

"Me! Stop it! You're gonna get me in trouble, and of all the possible times, this is the worst possible one!"

The owl gave her a look of reproach, and Rarity once more closed the door in the owl's face. She wasn't getting out that way either. She made a run for her room, which was barely more than an unused bathroom, and bolted inside, closing the door and trying to get her heart to stop pounding.

"You look upset," came a voice from behind her.

Whirling around, the young mare prepared to fight for her life. Her eyes fell on the biggest, reddest stallion she'd ever seen, which must have dwarfed the others by several feet in comparison.

"Who do you think you are?!" Rarity hissed. "Get out of here at once, before I-"

"Cause something strange and unexpected?" The stallion asked. "Little things, you can't quite explain?"

Rarity was caught off guard by that. "How did-"

"You're not alone, Rarity. Haven't you read any of the scrolls you've received?"

"I never got any... but that still doesn't explain any why you're here! Out, out at once!"

The stallion frowned. "What do you mean you never got any? You've been getting owls for weeks."

"I never get anything. Diamond Tiara burns my mail. I don't suppose you have any extra on you?"

He shook his head. "Nnnope."

"What about that owl that was outside?"

"He has a phobia of having doors closed in his face," the stallion said. "You probably scared him off. Is that all?"

"No! Unless you have some completely predictable piece of life changing news, if you don't leave at once, I'll call the police!"

The stallion fixed his eyes on her, and spoke, very gently, very quietly.

"You're a unicorn, Rarity."

1.2 Where Humans Fear To Tread

"I'm a what?" Rarity was completely shocked by this sudden revelation. She'd never heard such a ridiculous sounding thing in all her life. And she'd heard some fairly ridiculous things.

"You're a unicorn," the stallion said. "A rare breed of pony that can do all sorts of fancy, powerful magic. We try to keep them from the earth ponies, though. They get jealous, bein' useless and all."

"That's segregation!"

"If you were the only earth pony in a group of unicorns, and had to stand by while they all did their fancy magic lifting things, with you unable to do anything but watch while they excluded you, what would you do?"

"I'd call them out on being impolite. I'd tell them to cut it the- oooooh..."

"Right then."

"What's your name, anyway? How do you know mine? I've never even seen you before."

"Mac," he said. "Don't worry about knowing who I am, but I've been watching you for many years. Making sure you were safe until you were ready."

"That doesn't exactly make me any more comfortable around you," she said. "Can you do magic? Is that why you're here?"

"Used to," he said. "Then there was this whole debacle with being confused as a princess and they charged me with impersonating a royal official and the Council took my horn." His voice was sad, tinted with melancholic nostalgia. "But that's a story for another day. Come on, we have much to do, and very little time to do it. Once you've entered the magical realm, He'll be looking for you."

"Who's that?" Rarity wasn't sure she liked this at all.

"I'll tell you later, right now we have to hurry. Grab your things."

"I don't have any possessions!" Rarity insisted.

"Well then, what are you waiting for?" Mac gave her a nudge, and encouraged her out the door. He walked at a brisk pace, and being such a large pony Rarity found herself having trouble keeping up. She wasn't sure why she followed him, although she felt oddly safe in his company.

"Are you sure we're going to the right place?" She asked. "There's nothing down here but an abandoned housing district. It's decrepit and falling apart, not to mention unsafe living conditions. There's no reason for us to be down here."

"Or is there?" He asked. He stopped in front of a decaying wall after leading her down a series of frighteningly back road alleys. Nopony came down here much anymore. "This place is filthy... the hairs on my neck are standing up. I feel like in another reality my alternative self wouldn't be caught dead here. Can't say I blame her?"

"What if your alternative reality self is a boy?"

"Well then I'd hope he'd have much more sense about following strangers into dark abandoned alleys..." She said. "If I had a mind to I could have you arrested, you know."

Mac nudged at the wall with his nose, seemingly ignoring her threats. Despite her worry about the way this was all playing out, Rarity very much wanted to see what it was all leading to.

"This way," he said, and walked straight into the wall, vanishing with scarcely a ripple.

Rarity blinked several times, standing there in shock. "I really don't know about this..." she said. "Maybe I should just try my luck on my own, after all, I'm sure I could get a job someWHEEEEEERE!"

Mac's hoof had reached back through the wall, and taken hold of her front leg. Unceremoniously, she was pulled through the wall.

Immediately, Rarity found herself standing on what appeared very much to be a blackened, dead field. Looking behind her, she saw no wall, no city, only an expanse of torched grass and dead trees. There was not a single birdsong to be heard, not a single chirp from a single cricket.

"This place is... death..." She whispered, her previous worries overridden by such a vast display of destruction.

"Who could have done this? What could have done this?"

"He did," Mac said. "In his never ending search for the Chosen one. That's you."

"Me? But I've never done a single amazing thing in my life!"

"Not yet you haven't. But you have the potential for it. And that's what he wants to destroy. We have to move quickly, as long as we keep low we should be alright. Let's just get to the castle first."

Rarity was shaking her head. "Slow down, slow down, I don't know any of this! What castle?"

Mac raised his head and pointed a large hoof towards the far distance, where a faint shimmer on the horizon could faintly be seen. "Celestia's School for Magic Unicorns. That's where you're going to train."

"And it's safe?" He can't get in? Wouldn't a giant castle be the first place some evil overlord would target?"

"No. Far too many spells protect the place. But what you see around you..." He swept a hoof over the desolation. "This is a reminder of his last attempt to break the barriers. The wards held, but the valley did not."

"And where are we?" Rarity asked. "Who is this horrible thing that wants to kill me?"

Mac frowned, and looked out towards the castle.

"We do not speak His name, for even the sound of it strikes fear into the hearts of the brave. What you see around you used to be a thriving forest community called Flutter Valley. And the one who pursues you..."

"Yes?" Rarity asked impatiently.

Mac looked her in the eyes, his own filled with fear, regret, and determination.

"His name is Lord Smooze."

Cancelled

It was a decent fun idea at first but I have no interest or motivation in this story anymore, nor does anyone else seem to care about it. So I will not be working on it any longer.