Konami Digital Entertainment, Inc. – Tokyo, Japan
November 20, 1998 – 24 Hours Until Release
“Mr. Kozuki, you asked for me?”
A man sat at his desk. He eyed the nervous mailroom worker before him.
“Yes. You know what tomorrow is?”
“Isn’t it the release of that new arcade game you guys are making…er, Dancing Stage?”
“No! It’s called- oh, never mind that. Yes, it is.”
“What exactly does that have to do with me, sir?”
“I’ve heard a lot about you, Makoto Nagano.”
“O-oh, you have?”
“Yes, you are the fastest mailroom worker this corporation has ever seen. Your leadership skills even in such a paltry job are astounding. Because of this (and because our other guy quit because he sucks at the game), I’d like to promote you as the head of delivery. You start at 1900 hours. I expect to see you ready to go by then.”
“Wait, sir, I have no idea how to do such a thing!”
“You’ll figure it out, I’m sure,” Kozuki replied dismissively as he turned away in his chair, “now stop wasting my time. The future of video gaming is upon us!”
***
Manufacturing and Distribution Division
November 20, 1998 – 14 Hours Until Release
Makoto arrived at the back entrance, hurried but brimming with confidence. The delivery trucks would be arriving in a matter of minutes to receive the machines. There were thirty to send off to fifteen arcades across Tokyo, and Makoto was ready to oversee each and every one of them.
We paid a pretty yen to get this across the city, Nagano; you better not screw this up! Kozuki’s words echoed in his head. That man was a real taskmaster.
“Thank goodness for that old Betamax tape my mom got for me,” the undeterred manager said with relief, thinking of that five-hour crash course on “How To Be A Delivery Manager When You Were Just A Sad Mailroom Worker That Had No Experience In Such A Field But The Other Guy Angrily Quit His Job So You Were Stuck With It.” Such an odd video, and it seemed to have a lot of the color pink in it for no particular reason. And the people enjoyed inappropriately breaking the fourth wall during the mock situation portions.
But our friend Nagano could not preoccupy himself with such trivial thoughts now. The trucks were pulling in, lifts lowering immediately upon braking.
“Alright everyone, get moving! If Mr. Kozuki wasn’t busy getting drunk at the Labour Thanksgiving Eve-Eve-Eve Party, I’m quite sure he’d be giving some inspirational speech about how we are to make video game history, but since he isn’t here, I am merely here to make a lot of noise to sound like we are being productive!”
A chorus of workers responded to his useless words, “Aye aye, boss!”
***
Not a minute later, a guy smashed his foot under one of the truck lifts.
This was going to be a long night.
***
Many Years Later…
“You asked for me, Mr. Kozuki?”
“You should be used to this after all of this time, Marketing Director Nagano.”
“I know sir, but I’d like to think for once you had found another dependable man for the job.”
“You’re a funny man, Nagano.”
“Either way, what do you want?”
“As you know, Dance Dance Revolution has taken the world by storm…”
“Sir, hate to interrupt already, but you said that back in 2000.”
“Let me finish my clichéd preface!”
“Fine, go on.”
“Our franchise has spread faster than eb-”
“I wouldn’t finish that, sir. As they say it these days: ‘too soon’.”
“My apologies. Our franchise has spread far and wide, certainly thanks to your efforts while I was brutally wasted.”
“Where are you going with this?”
“We are taking DDR farther than it has ever been before. To a place whose never heard of such a thing.”
“The Sahara Desert?”
“No, they got that eight months ago.”
“Oh.”
“Quite. Anyway, we are taking it to a faraway land, and I want you to personally deliver it.”
“’Personally deliver?’ To what gain?”
“Well, this isn’t exactly a place you can reach by truck. See, Japan being its usual self is light-years ahead of everyone else in the tech world…”
“Light-years are a measure of distance, not time.”
“You shut your mouth, Nagano. Continuing, our R&D has surpassed our expectations yet again and developed a teleportation device.”
“Pardon?! Where do we need to go that we can’t just fly or sail there?”
“I figured you would freak out over the fact we had a bloody teleportation device, not that we have to use it to go somewhere. In any case, I’m sending you to a land called…Equestria.”
“Equestria? Like, horses and stuff?”
“Ponies, specifically.”
“Oh God, are you talking about that brightly-colored show with the singing equines learning friendship?”
“Yes…I didn’t think you would get that so accurately.”
“I have daughters, Mr. Kozuki. No doubt you’ve met them.”
“Certainly. Well, that is your assignment, Makoto. Take a machine and go to Equestria. Show them; get them to invest in it.”
“That show had a big following in America, why aren’t we offering the teleportation device to them so THEY can go?”
“That’s not the point! Since when did Japan let anything cool go to America?! We never gave them MGS4 on Xbox, Square Enix didn’t give them definitive versions of Kingdom Hearts for the better part of a decade, and don’t even get me started on Dragon Quest…!”
“Okay, sir, okay, I’m sorry. So all you want me to do is take this machine to Equestria, sell it better than Harold Hill in Music Man, and that’s it?”
“Precisely. Just…be prepared for anything.”
“Whatever do you mean?”
“Just trust me on this one.”
“I’ll try.”
“Excellent. Report back here tomorrow at nine o’clock sharp!”
“What happened to military time?”
“It got too passé for normal conversation.”
“Alright then, see you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow indeed, Mr. Nagano. Once again we will unleash DDR on a whole new host of customers, and not only mark another chapter in video game history, but of all business transactions!”
***
Some Ultra-Secret Room That Looks Like The Teleporter Room From Star Trek Or Something
The Next Day – Nine O’Clock (because military time is too passé in 20XX)
Nagano, fashionably early as always, arrived to the ultra-secret…you get the idea. Mr. Kozuki and a man by the name of Darrell Abenshire Fredericksburg McDonnelin XVI were waiting for him inside.
“Welcome, Makoto. Are you ready to make history?” Kozuki inquired excitedly.
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Nagano responded, making his way to the designated spot next to the one where the DDR machine stood. If the machine were alive, it would be positively buzzing with excitement.
“The teleportation process will feel like a large fish hook is being attached to your navel and yanking you like a large bass,” Darrell explained, “something your real world counterpart would understand, huh?”
“What?”
“Forget I said that. Anyway, you will feel compressed to the point you would think your entire insides would greet the outside air at an explosive rate, and after it all, your legs and, er…buttocks may be on backwards.”
“That sounds awful.”
“It wears off.”
“Well, I suppose I may as well go for it before I second guess myself. Beam me up, Scotty!”
“My name isn’t ‘Scotty’! Just because I have a Scottish accent and run a futuristic teleporter doesn’t mean I get to be the subject of that joke! You foreigners think yourselves so-”
In the Scot’s rage, however, he had already hit the button to start the process. Holding his lucky Frisbee into the air, Nagano was off into the unknown as his particles were scattered across dimensions.
***
Objects and lasers of every shape, size, and color whisked past him. Makoto convulsed in an armchair he didn’t remember sitting in. He even swore he saw his own pupil, blinking and rapidly changing hues like some cheap 1960’s movie effects.
All those sensations that angry Scot warned of also were coming true.
He just hoped his lower half would still be on straight.
