Schrödinger's Pony

by Limits

Rating: everyone
Tags: Scootaloo, Random, Derpy Hooves, Pinkie Pie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 1041

Pinkie Pie explains her extraordinary powers. Hilarity ensues.

What do you get when you cross ponies with Edwin Schrödinger? Pinkie Pie.
So says Pinkie Pie herself, in an effort to explain her powers to Rainbow Dash along with the help of the local mailpony.

Published 2014-02-19 22:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-19 22:00:05 UTC

Pink Things and Algebra

“So, according to the Schrödinger’s pony theory, I’m both alive and dead right now!” a fluffy pink pony that wasn’t Flufflepuff exclaimed while jumping, making her speech kind of slurred and distorted.

“Uh, Pinkie? Ya lost me at Schrödinger,” replied Rainbow Dash. “I think I kind of grasp the basic gist of it thou—“

“Too late! I’m explaining again!” said Pinkie, now riding in a massive half of a helicopter.

“The whole reason why I can create these things seemingly of my own free will without hardly anypony thinking it odd—“

“—Which I do, right?” Dash said for confirmation.

“Right!” Pinkie Pie said gleefully. “It’s all based off of Edpony Schrödinger’s quantum theory stuff!”

A common sight, Ditzy Doo flew past.

“So, if I look away right now,” Rainbow Dash said, placing her hooves over her eyes, “then if I think of it hard enough, Derpy can exist and not exist at the same time?”

Suddenly there was a very angry grey mailpony behind Dash. “ƑĮŖŞŦ! My name is not Derpy, it’s Ditzy Doo! Got. It. Memorized?”

The cyan pegasus nodded eagerly. “Yes, yes!”

“SECOND!” And here, the mailpony’s tone became a little less like a meteor storm about to obliterate Equestria and more like just a volcano with a tempting-looking pony in front of the mouth. “Quantum physics is a little more complicated than that, but I can make it simpler like this.”

Ditzy cleared her throat. “In Schrödinger’s Pony experiment, a small widdle, adorable filly was put in a cardboard box and vaporized into a small pile of dust.”

The first thing Dash wondered was whether or not Derpy had actually been there, which really was a good question. The second thing was, how in Equestria did this experiment get past Celestia’s eyes?

“So, look at it this way—“ Ditzy was interrupted by Pinkie Pie. She and Dash swiveled around to look at the nonsense-spouting pony.

“Reading from Wikipedia: Line 4. Schrödinger's cat is a thought experiment, sometimes described as a paradox, devised by Austrian physicist Erwin Schrödinger in 1935. It illustrates what he saw as the problem of the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics applied to everyday objects. The scenario presents a cat that may be both alive and dead, depending on an earlier random event. Although the original "experiment" was imaginary, similar principles have been researched and used in practical applications. The thought experiment is also often featured in theoretical discussions of the interpretations of quantum mechanics. In the course of developing this experiment, Schrödinger coined the term Verschränkung (entanglement),” finished Pinkie in a very Wikipedia-like voice. The pink cupcake-flavored mare’s eyes were glazed over, with what looked like code scrolling through her skull. Terrifying.

“Pinkie, I have no idea what you just said.” Dash scratched her head.

“Right!” Derpy said in response to Pinkie Pie’s outburst. “In other words, the reason Pinkie Pie is able to create such objects is due to Schrödinger. It operates on other ponies not looking at the time, and Equestria now has over 500,000 different universes thanks to her! Really, we should be thanking the scientists who so mercilessly vaporized that widdle filly, so that her remains, or rather, lack thereof, can be used to explain science to ponies all around the world!”

“I need some coffee.” Dash flew off.

“Hey, Pinkie…In the universe where Dashie gets coffee, the Nasty Bad Green Pony attacks and wipes out, not to mention burns the charred remains of, every single living thing in Equestria, right?” the mailpony said, rather loudly.

“Wh-what?” Rainbow Dash said. “N-n-no. I’m staying r-r-right here. Really! …Heh, heh.”

“Wait, no. This is the universe where the Nasty Bad Green Pony imposter attacks.” Pinkie says, contrary to what Ditzy just said.

“I-imposter? Oh, heh. Well, I can take him, then. No sweat!”

Ditzy took a look at the sky. “Actually, this is the part where a giant spear comes out of the sky. Dash here is the first to have that chip implanted in her brain; it’s all your fault, Pinkie.”

"Oh yeah!" Pinkie happily agreed.

A young couple trotted under the cloud on which Rainbow Dash was situated. The mare looked up, listened for a couple seconds, and then kept walking.

"Er, yeah, I'm just going to go now," said Dash.

"Wait! I haven't finished explaining!" said Pinkie Pie sadly.

"Okay, make it quick."

"The reason I can create things seemingly out of thin air is because, like the filly--"

"--The adorable widdle filly--" Derpy cut in.

"--like her, my powers create an alternate universe where I can create things out of thin air. So, right now, Dash, you and I are in the universe where it works every time, no exceptions. Get it?"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," Rainbow Dash said.

"Okay, bye!" Pinkie said, launching Dash off the edge of her cloud.

Scootaloo was hunched over her advanced math textbook. 9th Grade is hard!

The door to the house opened. “Hey, Rainbow Dash!” said Scootaloo.

“…And she lands!” said Rainbow, not really as a reply. Then, “Oh, Scootaloo, you’re home.”

“Yeah, well, we had a half-day. Extra homework and modified kindergarten.”

“Extra homework?” Dash said, smirking. “Sounds like a lame decision to me.”

“Don’t I know it. It’s like the teachers have way too much time on their hooves. Nothing against Mr. Hoofholtz, but learning from Mrs. Cherilee was so much better.”

“Never really learned anything from ninth that I didn’t already know, myself.”

“Dash, you skipped half your classes.”

“What, like you don’t?”

“No, I really don’t.” Scootaloo giggled. “Anyway, you’re a freeloader too, so I guess you could say you’re skipping buying a house too.”

“That was a weak joke, kid.”

There was a beat. Well, it was more than a beat. A long pause and a long silence settled over the establishment.

Dash broke the silence. “So, modified kindergarten, huh?”

“Yeah, it’s just a fancy way of saying that the fillies get off easy.”

At the mention of the word ‘filly’, Dash began to get uneasy. “Uh, Scoots? I’m gonna go out for a while longer.”

Author's Note

This was a lot of fun to write...but looking on it now, I don't think I fully grasp Schrödinger's concepts.