Pillows, Stupors, and For Once Not Being Drunk
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The Marvelous Return of Berry Punch
Pillows, Stupors, and For Once Not Being Drunk
Berry Punch was off-kilter. Berry Punch was, you could say, in her own little world. She was about ready to go crazy, people would say. As it was, she was having a little trouble standing on her own four hooves.
Punch, like about half the Equestrian population and counting, had just eaten Princess Twilight’s food. Ponies all over the festival grounds (now more of a hazmat zone than anything else) were bumping into each other, falling, being trampled, and generally trying not to vomit on each other. Yeah. That’s right. For once, our little Punchy wasn’t drunk to the core. Everypony was, for the most part, sober in the worst way possible.
In a daze, Berry Punch nearly didn’t notice that she was coming up on Blossomforth. Okay, she didn’t notice. But it was a rain day for the weather ponies, so who could blame her if she bumped into another mare with a black umbrella held out in front of her?
“What do you think you’re doing? Maybe watching out would be a good thin—“ Blossomforth paused, peering under the rim of the umbrella. “Oh, Berry Punch, it’s you.”
Beginning to become ‘sober’, Berry Punch inspected the scenery. She had ended up in the hustle and bustle of downtown Ponyville, which wasn’t saying all that much. There were a few booths here and there, and general stores and markets took up most of the sidewalk space. It was familiar to her in a way…that’s right!
“Hey, Blossomforth?” Punch said in a very slurred voice.
“Oh, sweet Luna, Berry, don’t tell me you went and had 17 b—“
“No, no…you didn’t sh-show up for the Summer Sun celebration, didja?”
“No, why do you ask?”
Berry Punch stuck a hoof to her mouth. “Princess c-cooking…bad…”
“Eh, let me get you inside, Berry.”
Once inside, Noteworthy was there as well. The (still) dim-colored and dimly enlightened stallion was rushing around like a maniac, dusting here, sweeping there, and exercising a love for OCD behavior. Goldengrape was right behind him, shouting his name and trying to get his attention. Noteworthy didn’t quite notice that until he put a rear hoof into a mop fluid bucket and managed to roll himself straight into a doorknob, headfirst.
“Hey! Noteworthy!”
The musician looked up, exhausted. “Whaddaya want, boss?”
“I wanted to tell you that all that cleaning really wasn’t necessary. It’s the Summer Sun Celebration, doofus!”
“Oh…okay, boss.” Noteworthy was still dazed, and the blow to the head had made him about as much in a stupor as Berry Punch.
“Hey, Berry…I feels a song comin’ on…”
Okay, maybe not quite as much. Maybe more.
Noteworthy gained a sofa seat (but he took up three anyway) and an ice pack. Neither would, of course, fix it, but it did a darned good job of keeping him quiet. Berry was almost recovered while Noteworthy slept.
“I mean, come on, even I don’t think the SSC is a show date,” Berry Punch said condescendingly. “Although, it wouldn’t be such a bad idea. We could have our own little booth and everything.”
“I think you’re forgetting that we don’t have all that much money.” Goldengrape eased himself off a chair and began pacing.
Berry Punch, in response to this, undid a small parcel from her neck. She opened it, and drew out what looked like 400 bits.
“Sweet mother of Celestia, Berry Punch, how in Equestria did you manage to get your hooves on this?!” Goldengrape cried. It really was 400 bits.
“Remember when I, uh, stole your pay?”
“Oh, yeah, here’s your real paycheck, by the way.” Goldengrape hoofed Punch about 15 bits.
“Mm, thanks. I think I’m gonna go take a drink out of the punch bowl again.”
Once she was out of the room, Noteworthy jerked awake. “Hey guysss…the turkey’s dancing on the table again, and I’m really not sure whyyyy…”
Blossomforth trotted up to him and gave him a good hard kick in the legs.
“Ah…” he said in what really couldn’t be called a reply. “I have a duck in Des Moines…Pillow fight time?”
In response to this unusual behavior, Blossomforth took a pillow and began bashing him with it. Taking this in the direction that Blossomforth meant to turn from, Goldengrape eagerly joined in the fun with his own pillow, deftly disarming his employee with a soft, feathery sound. As Blossomforth reacted by reaching for her pillow and swinging it at him, he backed up and began to run out of the room. Noteworthy was right behind him with a very large pillow, and landed a hit which Goldengrape’s small but tough pillow could hardly defend against. Goldengrape stumbled into the concessions stand.
A little bit of punch splashed into Berry Punch’s face, who said, “Hey! Watch where you’re putting that flank of yours!” and picked up a pillow, flinging it from the bowl at high speed. Goldengrape ducked, and the plumed projectile hit Noteworthy smack in the middle of the face.
“Pink and purple purloined posies paid possibly pricey pigs…” Noteworthy said, dazed harder than ever before. Choosing to use this opportunity, Blossomforth took a flying leap off of the downed Noteworthy, and hit both Goldengrape and Berry Punch in a spin.
“Best Summer Sun Celebration EVER!” shouted Punch as she stood back up. Noteworthy and Goldengrape were back to duking it out again, and knocked the jug of water over. A hazard was created, and Berry Punch slipped. Her pillow flew into the air, and landed heavily on Blossomforth.
“BOAT WIDE!” shouted Noteworthy, before slumping to the ground.
Nopony noticed the police carriage, but the police inside it did see the lights on at almost midnight, as well as various shadowy figures seemingly in a fight. There was lots of shouting. Perhaps they were drunk?
The blue-outfitted officer flung open the door. The first thing he heard was, “SLAMMED I AM!” coming, of course, from Noteworthy.
“Eh…hello, officer,” said Goldengrape nervously. He waited, and then the officer said:
“Pillow fight? Why wasn’t I invited?!”
