Rainbow Dash vs. the Muffins

by Chromadancer

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life
Length: 1447

Rainbow Dash attempts to bake some muffins!

To repay a debt to a friend, Rainbow Dash tries to bake a batch of muffins. Her attempts are… less than successful.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2011-07-12 00:29:52 UTC

Chapter 1

        Rainbow Dash was hard at work in her cloud home above Ponyville. Normally, for this filly, hard work entails a regimen of various strength and stamina-based exercises designed to keep her flying skills the best in Equestria, as she would put it. Today, however, she found herself in the kitchen, attempting to bake some muffins for the mail carrier, Derpy Hooves.

    Dash found herself in the gray pegasus' debt yesterday, when she filled in for Dash on the weather control squad so that Dash could attend another of Pinkie Pie's spectacular parties. A new pony had arrived in town from Fillydelphia, and Pinkie always threw a huge party for new ponies. The pony's name eluded Dash at the moment; right now her primary goal was to get these muffins baked, correctly, before Derpy showed up on her mail route.

        She had already failed once by accidentally leaving the oven on too long, charring the muffins to a golden black. The tray full of black muffins sat on a counter next to Dash as she prepared the mix for her second attempt. She looked at Pinkie's recipe again – the one she had borrowed after yesterday's party – to determine what her next step would be.

        "Two large eggs... Got it!" She dashed to the refrigerator, knocking over the tray of ruined muffins, and looked to find where she had placed the eggs on her previous try. Dash picked up two eggs, one in each hoof,  and carefully walked back to the mixing bowl on her hind legs. She had already dropped three eggs this way; they had splattered on the cloud floor, leaving a mess on both the floor and her hooves.

        Dash dropped the eggs straight into the bowl, completely unaware of the recipe's instructions to break open said eggs first. A quick glance to the recipe informed her of her next task: beating the eggs. She found the egg beater, already covered in egg goo, and picked it up with her teeth. Dash went to work on the eggs, swirling them around with the tool, then tossed it to the side, having already forgotten that her next step would also require the beater.

        She read the recipe's next step out loud: "'Add apples and vanilla and beat until smooth.' Right, where did those apples go?" She turned her head to look at the counter behind her where she had previously placed the apples, purchased earlier in the day from Applejack. Unfortunately, the apples were nowhere to be found – she had used them up on her previous attempt, and apple muffins were Derpy's favorite!

        "Oh, no! I can't be out of apples!" She rummaged through the cabinets, but came up empty. "No, no, no!" She dashed out of her cloud castle as fast as her wings would take her and made a beeline to Sweet Apple Acres.

        "APPLEJACK!" she yelled at the top of her lungs as she arrived at the barn. Dash panted and rested for a moment, staring at the ground when there was no immediate response. Moments later, Applejack's voice startled her back into reality.

        "Whoa there, sugarcube!" Dash whipped her head around to discover Applejack pulling a wagon full of apples toward the barn.

        "Applejack!" Dash exclaimed. "I need some more apples!"

        "What happened to them apples you bought from me this morning?"

        "I messed up and cooked the muffins too long... I don't have any bits, but I'll pay you back, I promise!" Dash pleaded.

        Applejack sighed. "All right, sugarcube. Just make sure you--"

        "Thanks Applejack!" Dash quickly grabbed two apples from the wagon and zipped back into the sky toward her airborne sanctuary. Applejack shook her head at the blue blur heading out of Sweet Apple Acres.

        Rainbow Dash arrived back in the kitchen of her cloud castle, two apples in tow. She dumped them into the bowl, grabbed the egg beater again, and went to town, covering herself in a mixture of apples and eggs. She glanced at the clock: Derpy would be here soon. If I don't get those muffins in the oven soon, she realized, they won't have time to cook!

        Dash quickly skimmed the rest of the recipe, plucking out the words "flour", "salt", and "baking powder". With a rainbow blur, she found the ingredients in her kitchen and promptly added them to the bowl, disregarding the recipe's recommendations on quantity. A cloud of flour enveloped the kitchen as she beat all the ingredients together. The blue pegasus was soon coated in white as she hurried to finish the recipe in time to place it in the already-waiting oven.

        The mixture complete, Dash discarded the egg beater again and turned her attention to finding a muffin pan. Scrounging around through the cabinets led her to discover a spare muffin pan, which she wasted no time in placing on the counter. Dash picked up the bowl of muffin batter with her mouth, and poured the batter into the pan. The batter spilled its way across the pan, somewhat filling the muffin-shaped holes but mostly just making a big mess. She paused, realizing something was missing.

        "Chocolate chips! Right!" Rainbow Dash looked across the kitchen, from counter to counter, until she spotted a bag of chocolate chips. She quickly grabbed the bag and scattered the chips across the muffin tray. Chocolate chips spilled haphazardly across the tray, just as the muffin batter had. A fair amount of chips also spilled into the cloud floor beneath her, some of the chips falling through the clouds entirely.

        Preparations complete, she could finally place the muffins in the oven to cook. Dash carefully opened up the oven, and then grabbed the muffin tray. She made her way across the kitchen to place the muffins in the oven, but just as she was about to reach the oven, her hooves stumbled on the egg beater she had carelessly tossed aside before.

        Rainbow Dash fell to the cloud floor as the muffin tray sailed through the air, only to land on the oven door face-down. Dash gasped at the sight: muffin batter coated the inside of the oven door. She had failed again – this time, catastrophically.

        Dash lay on the floor, defeated. She had already used up the materials required for two batches of muffins. There was no way she would be able to make a third attempt! Before she could contemplate on what to do next, she heard a voice at her door: "Muffins!"

        Rainbow Dash's eyes went wide. Oh no, Derpy's here already! she thought. And the muffins are ruined... "I'll be right there!" she called out.

        Dash slunk toward the door and opened it, revealing the grey-maned mail pegasus, mail bag on her back. "Muffins!" she said, despite the mail contained in her mouth.

        Dash took the mail from her. "You're early, Derpy," she said. "I didn't think you'd be here for another hour or so... The muffins aren't..." She tried to come up with an explanation.

        "Muffins?" Derpy sniffed the air, smelling the spilled muffin batter baking onto the oven door. "Muffins!" she exclaimed, as she flew past the blue pegasus toward the kitchen.

        "Derpy, wait!" Dash called. "The muffins..."

        Derpy's flight slowed as she approached the kitchen. The wall-eyed pegasus took in the destruction: the floor was covered in egg, flour coated the cabinets and counters, muffin batter was smeared across the insides of the open oven door, and a pile of charred muffins sat on the cloud floor.

        "Look, Derpy..." Dash tried to explain. "I didn't think you'd be here this early." She swallowed, trying to hold back tears. "I kinda... messed up the muffins."

        Derpy glanced at the rainbow-maned pegasus, then hovered over to the pile of ruined muffins. She picked one up and put it in her mouth!

        "Derpy, wait! Those muffins are..."

        Derpy swallowed the ruined muffin. Her normally cheery expression turned sour, just for an instant, before a smile covered her face again. "Muffins!" She flew over to the other pegasus and hugged her.

        Rainbow Dash, surprised by the turn of events, returned the hug. "Derpy...!" At that moment, she realized that the muffins didn't matter. She had done the best she could for her friend, and Derpy had been grateful for her efforts. It was the thought that counted, not the muffins.

        Derpy broke off, gesturing to the bag of mail on her back. "Muffins!" She flew toward the door, turning to wave at her friend before resuming her mail route.

        Rainbow Dash trotted out the door and waved at the mail pegasus, allowing a tear to escape her eye... not of sadness, but of happiness. "Thanks, Derpy."