A New Star in the Sky

by XxXImmortalFoXxX

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Princess Celestia, Alternate Universe, Human, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Romance
Length: 38722

Thaddeus is a normal 18 year old, still living in his parents house, who was at the wrong place at the wrong time, although it didn't necessarily turn out poorly for him.

Thaddeus is a normal 18 year old, who was at the wrong place at the wrong time, although it didn't necessarily turn out poorly. Luna is having a normal night, raising the moon, "painting" the night sky, when she comes across a lone star, one that does not bend to her will. All the while something is plummeting towards the mountain Canterlot stands on.

I got the idea from someone, whom I fail to remember, who brought up the stardust theory.

Also, I plan to have each chapter, at the minimum 2000 words, and at the maximum, 5000 words. All right.

Published 2014-06-06 22:40:06 UTC
Last updated 2016-05-31 07:46:43 UTC

II

This time as we were walking, we talked about Princess Celestia instead of me, about how her greatest student was progressing well in her friendship studies, and her sister, Princess Luna, whom had recently gotten back from a 1000 year banishment. I decided not to ask about that, as she sounded sad about it. I decided to listen attentively rather than talk. That's not to say I didn't say anything, I would occasionally say "Yeah" or "Okay" and even "Mhm". I avoided the last one because that sounds rude and lazy. Granted shrugging is also lazy.

We arrived at the dining hall, with two guards posted outside the door, as it was for anywhere the Princess usually went. They opened the door with their magic, allowing the Princess and I to enter. I looked around the room and gasped. It was a very beautiful room, with a stained glass window every 6 metres. It was a very white room, but the stained glass windows livened it up in a quick hurry. As I looked around I noticed another pony in the room, this one a dark blue. I looked at Celestia, silently asking who it was. She spoke up

"Luna, this is the human you found last night, the one that fell outside of Canterlot"

The sister, Princess Luna, looked up from her newspaper, staring quizzically at the Princess and I.

"Pray tell, sister, what is a human?" at the word "Human" she raised her hooves and did what I could only assume was the pony variant of air quotes. At this point I stepped in, explaining to her what I didn't explain to Celestia.

"A human, or homo sapien, is a bipedal being, more intellectual than any other animal on our home world, Earth. We evolved from apes, or monkeys. Throughout our time of evolving, we became omnivores." The sisters cringed

"However, humans do not need to eat meat to sustain themselves, in fact many people decided to live as vegetarians, using tofu and beans as a substitute." I quickly added, trying to prevent them from losing the breakfast they hadn't had. I explained to them that that was the extent of my knowledge, which was poor compared to many. I didn't pay attention in school, all right? Celestia had already moved towards the table, gesturing towards the chair next to her own, I sat down in it, surprisingly somewhat comfortably, considering it was a chair meant for little pony beings who were much smaller than me.

While seated I was a tad bit shorter than Celestia, meaning we met almost eye to eye. Although her chair had a much larger cushion, and the chair was larger overall. We all sat silently, the only noise being Luna at the other end of the table, flipping her newspaper to straighten it and flipping pages. Meanwhile, me and Celestia sat side by side, studying each other. I looked at her, examining and trying to rationalize why she had wings and a horn, instead of one or the other like the guards. She had a comical sun on her thigh, presumably because she controlled the sun. I presumed that her sister had a moon, considering she controlled the moon. I finally broke the silence.

"What are those marks on your thigh?" I asked, Celestia looked at me and looked back, as if she had forgotten about it.

"Oh, those are Cutie marks, us ponies get them when we realize our special talent. Mine represents my ability to move the sun and Luna's represents her ability to move the moon." I nod

"Fair enough."

A server came in with our food, Celestia and I had gotten the same thing, pancakes with strawberries, bananas and whipped cream. Luna just gotten a black coffee. She claimed she was going to bed relatively soon, but with the amount of sugar in that coffee, I don't think she'd be sleeping for quite a while. I was concerned with how I was going to get back to my room, through the labyrinth of halls. I turned to Luna,

"Princess Luna, how exactly did you find me?" She had long since finished reading everything in the newspaper, turning her full attention to staring into her cup of coffee, occasionally sipping it. She snapped her head around, looking for whoever asked her a question.

She looked at me and began to explain.

"Well, last night we were raising the moon and painting the night sky, when we suddenly found a star that did not move, they say there is a star for every being in Equestria, pony or otherwise. I can confirm this, though some become very dim as that pony reaches the end of their lifetime, as the light in their eyes dies out. But this one was different. Yes, I could sense it represented a life. But it was of a species unknown to anyone, perhaps t'was the reason it refused to move under my will. Then out of the corner of our eye, we spotted something moving rapidly to the perimeter of Canterlot, headed straight for the mountain. We flew towards the projected site of impact. That is where we found thou in a small crater in the side of the mountain. Thou were very hurt, skin burnt and cut from the impact. 'Tis a miracle that thou are alive and well. I was unsure of where to take thou, considering I have long since turned my guest room into something else, I took you to my sisters guest room. That is also how you will be getting back to your room, since you were wondering." I stared at her, confused as to how she knew what I was thinking. Celestia spoke up,

"Sister, you know it is rude to intrude on others thoughts!" Luna raised her hooves, almost as if surrendering

"We are sorry sister, it's just so hard not to. His thoughts are so loud, and curiosity got the better of me." She turned to me. "My apologies, Thaddeus, we did not mean to intrude. Forgive us?" I looked at her intently, trying to remember how to determine if someone was lying.

"I accept your apology, and as long as you don't start snooping I don't mind if you occasionally do. You might find something that I'm too afraid to say." I turned to Celestia "The same applies to you, Princess."

I turned back to Luna, with one question in mind. "Princess Luna, when you found me, did I have a wound on my back? Somewhere near my spine?" She shook her head

"Even if you did, I wouldn't have been able to identify it, you were cut and bruised everywhere, as well as charred." I sighed, before Celestia decided she had a question.

"Sister, if Thaddeus here was cut and bruised everywhere, why are there not scars and bruises remaining?" Luna shook her head again.

"I am not certain sister, I have been asking myself this question since I had seen him walk in with you." I was deep in thought, thinking about the same thing everyone else was. Why was I not scarred, or bruised if I had cratered a mountain? Even if healing worked differently here, I'd at least think there'd be scars. I saw a golden flash from my fingers, and apparently everyone else did as well. It was similar to the golden fleck I saw when I was back on earth. EUREKA! It came to me, or at least what I thought it was. I had a theory, but I wasn't sure how to test it. I spied the fork I was using to eat my pancakes, but decided that Celestia might not appreciate me using it for my plan. I spied a paring knife on the table.

"Princess Celestia, could you please pass me the paring knife?" She flashed me a look, as if to say "Why?" but kept silent and took it in her magic and gave it to me. I took the hilt of the blade and pressed it against the tip of my thumb on my left hand. Celestia gasped as she saw what I was doing, and opened her mouth to say something.

I took 4 short breaths and pulled the blade across my thumb. I gasped as the pain registered, and I could hear Celestia choke on her words as she saw me cut my thumb. Luna sat at the other end of the table, eyeing me with interest, while confused as to why I would do such a thing. I sat there staring at my thumb. I was about to ask Celestia for a band-aid or something, to clean the blood and cover it up, but a flash of golden light came from my thumb, and when it disappeared, the cut was gone. No scars, no nothing. There was no trace of it being there except for the blood on the knife and the drop of blood rolling down my thumb to the palm of my hand. I grabbed a paper napkin off the table and cleaned the knife and my hand. Luna was the first to break the silence

"I guess we get our answer as to why he heals so fast."

I turned to Celestia, looking at her apologetically. She stood up, saying nothing while pulling my chair back with her magic. She motioned for me to follow her. I stood up and walked out the door, turning to look at Luna. It was at that moment I knew, I fucked up bad. Luna had a concerned look on her face, which wasn't there before Celestia had stood up.

As I walked out, Celestia grabbed me and pulled me closer, nearly stabbing me in the throat. She looked up at me, looking me directly in the eyes. She grabbed my hand with her magic and pulled it lower, presumably asking me to kneel. I got on her level, looking at her eyes. She shakily exhaled, and finally broke the silence.

"Thaddeus... please don't ever do that again. I can't stand watching my subjects hurt themselves, and you are no different." We continued to look each other in the eye, not saying anything. Celestia finally broke the staring contest, taking my hand in her magic as she inspected it, looking for any imperfections, there were none, none of my scars were there. The burn from playing with lighters was gone, the scar from slicing my thumb open, gone. All of them gone. I no longer had the scars to prove it. My nails should have been jagged, the skin chewed, but everything was perfect. I looked back at Celestia, she followed a moment later, dropping my hand from her magic.

We went back to staring into each others eyes, I stand up, looking down to maintain eye contact. I bend down and pick her up, embracing her. She squeals as I picked her up, presumably not used to anyone picking her up. I chuckle a bit, holding her in the embrace. It's warm, it's comforting, and she smells like cake. I decide that's an all right thing to say.

"You smell like cake, Princess." I chuckle again, quickly adding "Not that that's a bad thing, I happen to like cake, and I used to bake cakes all the time."

Maybe I'll wake up early and make a cake for her. I thought. I finally release the embrace, putting Celestia back down on her hooves. She was impossibly light, which made me think that he sister must be even lighter, since she's smaller. Maybe I'll test that, I thought to my self. Although who knows who was listening. We walked back into the dining hall, Luna looked in surprise to see that neither of us were upset. In fact, I was feeling quite happy, and Celestia had a light blush on her face, but I decided not to embarrass her. Celestia and I finished our breakfast, each requesting a Hot chocolate from the server who came to take our plates. They came and took Luna's empty cup. and left. Luna decided that she was going to go to sleep, as it was too late for her. As Luna made her way out the door, the server came with our hot chocolates. I decided to let mine cool off as Celestia began drinking hers. We sat there, remaining quiet.

"Y-you're very good at hugging." Celestia said, blushing while yanking me from my thoughts

"Hu--Pardon?" I questioned, not sure I heard her right.

"You're very good at hugging." she replied, still blushing. I opened my mouth, but closed it as I realized she wasn't done speaking. "Your hugs are tight enough to radiate safety, but not too tight, so as to allow me to breathe." She added, blushing brighter than before, quickly taking a sip from her drink.

"I should probably get back to the day court." She sighed, standing up from her chair. I quickly pushed out of my chair, turning to face her.

"May I come with you?" I asked "It's all right if I can't." I added. She turned to face me.

"I'd love if you would come with me"

We walked back to where I had first seen her, I took a seat from the side and kept quiet unless I was asked something from Princess Celestia. It became very boring very fast, and I was surprised that Celestia could stay awake. I looked up at her, and I could see the tiredness in her eyes, how she sighed each time a pony left and another came in. The end couldn't have come soon enough. Finally the guards announced the last pony who had come and gone. Celestia slumped in her throne, exhausted, and probably had a headache. She slowly stood up, and I did the same, walking over to to her side.

"Today was a longer day than usual." She remarked, yawning. "I'm so tired." She walks off towards the door. The two guards open it as we walk up to it, I silently thank them with a head nod as we walk through. She trudges through the halls, slowly. I smirk as I slow down to walk beside her.

"What happened to Miss Speed walker?" I remark, chuckling at the look she gives me. I bend down beside her, picking her up like a baby, and begin walking at a normal pace. She gasps, startled by my sudden actions, but relaxes after she realizes what I was up to.

"What if a guard see this?" she asks, looking at me.

"I don't know, we'll have to play it by ear." I respond, still walking straight. "Which way do we go, Celestia?" I ask, still unsure as to where her room was.

"Right, and then take the second left." She whispers, I barely hear her. I turn right, and look down, only to realize that she was sleeping, light snores escaping. I smirked, taking a left, and walking up to the door I hadn't come out of earlier that day. I used my foot to turn the handle, which probably wasn't the most ideal choice, but I had a sleeping princess in my arms, and I couldn't drop her to open a door.

I walked into the room, which was alarmingly bright, it was wonder anyone could sleep in here. I walked over to the bed, having to lean over to place Celestia in the middle of the bed. I turned around to see the door closing, a golden glow around it. I turned back to see Celestia, slightly awake and using her magic to close the door.

"Stay for a while? Please?" I rolled the thought around in my head. You can't really say no to a princess, and even worse was the puppy eyes she was giving me. I sighed,

"I suppose I can spare a few minutes. It's not like I have anything better to do." I walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed, listening to her breathing. She pat the bed with her wing, asking me to move closer to her. I obliged, lying down next to her. I inhaled deeply, taking in all the scents. The cake smell, the smell of freshly cleaned blankets and sheets, and another smell I couldn't identify. The room dimmed magically.

About 40 minutes later Celestia had fallen asleep, but I couldn't bring myself to leave. Partially because I was being held, and partially because I might wake her up. Instead I sat there, thinking about what had happened today. I decided that if I was going to be here for a while, I might as well get comfortable. I rolled onto my side so I was looking over Celestia's head. I accidentally poked myself in the forehead with her horn, making me wince as she moaned. The tell tale golden flash alerted me to the fact that it had been healed. I wiped the drop of blood with the sleeve of my shirt and discarded it over the side of the bed. I said I was going to make myself comfortable, and I meant it. I was not going to discard my pants. I felt as if the shirt was close enough as it was. I wiggled my arm under Celestia, pulling her closer as I wrapped my other arm over top of her, pulling her into a hug. I felt my eyelids grow heavier as I grew warmer from the body heat. I finally fell asleep, the both of us had a smile on our face. Quite possibly for the same reason.

Author's Note

Howdy,

It turns out I lied about it being a month or so until I could update this story. Mostly because this chapter is rushed as fuck. Because I'm dumb. But I felt like I needed to write this, so, yeah, here it is. I hope you like it. Criticism is welcomed, constructive or not. Don't be an asshat about it though.

Have a good one,

William Quinn

Also, there's a small "Easter egg" in here, see if you can find it. As an added incentive to find it, I'm going to implement a points system that is going to extend over all my stories. (If I ever write again...) (Hint: It has to do with a music play-list.)

III

Author's Note

This is what happens when I write from 11:00 PM to 3:00 AM. I am so sorry for you poor souls for reading this. I send my regards.

III

I awoke as the sun shone on my eyelids, and someone working their way into my arms, sorry, somepony, not someone. I raised my left arm to allow her entrance, bringing the familiar warmth from last night. I released a moan, making her jump.

"I'm sorry, Thaddeus, I didn't mean to wake you." Celestia said.

I opened my eyes and closed them again, groaning, remembering the sun was in my eyes.

"Don't worry about it, I had to wake up sometime." I replied, opening one eye and squinting at the sun.

I snapped both my eyes open, realizing where I was. I was in Princess Celestia's bedroom. I shouldn't be here, never mind waking up here. I'd only been here one day, but I knew that I shouldn't be in here. I tried to wriggle my arm out from under Celestia, falling off the bed in the process. I quickly picked myself up, looking down I realized I wasn't wearing a shirt, the missing article of clothing sitting on the floor. I bent down and snapped my shirt up, rapidly pulling it on. My mind was running at a mile a minute, trying to remember last night. I looked up at Celestia.

"I-I'm so so so so--" She cut me off.

"Do not worry, Thaddeus, I invited you here last night, although it wasn't my intent for you to sleep here, I am grateful for it. It has been too long since I have shared a bed with someone, and that was one of the best sleeps I have had in a while."

I tried to calm myself, "We... We d-didn't do anything last night, right?" I placed my hand on my heart, attempting to slow it.

She looked at me, still lying on the bed, chuckling at me, "Thaddeus, do not worry, nothing happened last night, unless snuggling counts." She pats the bed with her wing, "Now come, please lie down, there's still a couple hours until I have to go to morning court, and I presume you have nothing better to do."

I think about it, I mean, I could go back to my room, but I'd sit there and do what? Stare at the walls? I decided to crawl onto the bed, going back to where I once was. Celestia flips over, returning to the position she was trying to squirm herself into when I woke up, raising her barrel to allow my arm to return to its original position. I wrapped my left arm back around her, meeting up with my right. I squeezed, silently attempting to say thanks. Unfortunately, my attempts fell on deaf ears.

"What was that for?" Celestia questioned.

I sighed "I was attempting to say thanks for letting me stay, I slept much better than I usually did on Earth."

"Oh."

We returned to the silence, the only sounds were breathing and sighs of content, before Celestia piped up.

"Today is Wednesday, so I have early morning court from half-past 7 to 8. Then we have breakfast from eight to nine, then I must return to morning court from 9 until 12. At 12, we have lunch for an hour, returning to afternoon court at 1 until 6, when we have dinner. Then we have court for 2 more hours, paving the way for Luna to take over for the night. Then we will return here annnnnnnnnnn--"

I began scratching her ear, for reasons unbeknownst to me. It just felt like something to do, and the way Celestia stopped, I imagined she was enjoying herself. I chuckled at her new found weakness, but also at my new found forwardness. I stopped scratching, returning my arm to its original position.

She rolls herself over in my arms, facing me.

"What was that?" She asks, flustered.

"What?"

"What were you doing?"

"You mean this?" I moved my arm and began scratching behind her ear again

"Y-y-es" She stammers.

"That's called scratching behind your ear." I replied sarcastically, "It's a common thing that horse, dog, cat, and other animal owners used to reward their animal. Positive reinforcement, more or less." I finished, removing my hand from her ear.

"That felt good... your fingers could earn you a fortune in massaging" She replies, smiling.

"Not for me, I'm not a gentle person, and I'd probably do more damage than help." I reply.

She clears her throat, rolling back over and continuing to read the schedule, grabbing a marker and writing something on. She brings the schedule in front of me, tapping with the end of the marker at where she had wrote. I looked closer, attempting to read the hastily scrawled sub-note.

"Get massage from Thaddeus." I read aloud, looking at Celestia, "I never agreed to that."

She turns her head, looking at me as best she can, "Are you really going to say no though?"

I nod my head, "Yes, yes I am going to say no." sticking my tongue out at her.

She rolls back over for the fourth time. "Are you though, are you really going to say no?" She replies, giving me the same eyes from last night, pouty lip and all.

I sat there struggling to say yes, I was going to deny her a massage. Finally I caved, "Alright!" I exclaimed, gasping as she pulled me in for a hug. "Just don't get your hopes up, it's not going to be that great."

"Underselling yourself?" She replied, clicking her tongue.

"Truthful advertising, rather."

We silently decided that we were going to stay facing each other, so that we could hold a conversation face to face, rather than Celestia rolling over every time she had something to say. Honestly, I felt weird, cuddling someone that I wasn't in a relationship with. I must have had an odd look on my face, because Celestia raised her eyebrow.

"What's on your mind?" She questioned.

"Nothing." I replied simply.

"Don't lie to me Thaddeus, I've run a court for over a thousand years, I know when someone is lying. It's also written all over your face, now tell me what's on your mind." She replied, looking me in the windows of my soul.

"Fine, I feel weird, cuddling with someone I only met yesterday, and also someone I'm not in a relationship with."

"Oh..." She replied, looking crestfallen.

I pulled her closer, making sure I didn't stab myself with her horn.

"I didn't mean it like that, it's just a new experience for me is all."

Good job, you dingus, you upset the princess. I hope you brought your space suit, dick head, because you're not long for planet pony. You're about to be the new face on the moon.

Celestia looks up, still looking upset, but not as much as moments ago.

"I'm sorry, Celestia." I pulled her even closer, squeezing her in a hug.

"It's all right, Thaddeus, I understand that it's a large change, being ripped from your planet to a planet that probably has different ethics than what you're used to." She explains, smiling.

"I'm glad"

I glance at my watch over Celestia, shocked by the time.

"Princ--" Cut off, yet again.

"Please, Thaddeus, no formalities in private. In private, I am a normal pony." She states.

"Alright, Celestia, it's 7 o'clock." I say.

"Is it really? I must have lost track of the time." She untangles her fore hooves from my arms, jumping up. "I'm going to shower, feel free to acquaint yourself with the room." She replies as she opens the door to what I assume is the bathroom.

"All right." I reply.

The door closes, and I look around the room that I had been sleeping in for the past hours. It was well furnished, having a white couch with golden trim, along with a matching recliner. Both of the seats were facing a fireplace, which was nice. I always loved fire, not necessarily a pyromaniac, because I didn't want to set things on fire, I just enjoyed the warmth, the soft glow it creates. I also enjoyed playing with it, just to watch it flicker. I stood up and walked to the door. It was time to see if anything else of mine had made it.

I grabbed the door handle, turning it and pulling. It moved surprisingly easy for a door that big.

This is a nice door, well oiled, and light.

I stopped admiring the door, walking out and closing it behind me. I walked across the hall toward the room I was originally in. I opened the door on the other side of the hallway, swinging it inwards.

These doors are really quiet, I like them. Need to compliment whoever made these doors.

I stepped inside, glancing around the room, this one was furnished, but not as greatly as Celestia's. I glanced towards the dresser, where I had found my clothes. I noticed a couple of items sitting there. I jumped, excited as I made my way towards the 5 items on the dresser, I squealed a bit when I found out what they were. I grabbed my 3 pens, blue, black, and red, and hung them on the rim of my pocket. These were my favourite pens, they never failed me when I needed them, and falling from orbit was no exception, as I tested them on my hand I had found they worked, and were not melted or bent. The next was my phone, which I pressed the power button, and to my surprise the phone actually started.

What the hell is this, if what Luna said about me being charred and crashing into the mountain, none of these should be in one piece, never mind working...

The final item was my wallet, which had my drivers license, my bank card, my gift cards, and 20 dollars. Great, just what I needed, 20 dollars on a new world, let me just walk into a store and buy some food with a piece of green plastic with a 20 on it that smells like maple syrup. There's no way they use a floppy green plastic paper thing as our currency, and honestly, I'm not certain why Canada did. Either way, it smelt of maple, which reminded me of home so I stuck it back in my wallet and slid it into my left front pocket. With my phone and pens in my right pocket, and my wallet in the left, I walked back out the door, towards Celestia's room. I looked at the ceilings and noticed something above Celestia's door. A rectangular hole about a metre and a half long. I shrugged and walked into the room, returning to the same scents. I hadn't noticed that it smelt different then the rest of the rooms. The same three smells, Cake, freshly cleaned blankets, and that last smell that I couldn't identify.

Those are some strong smelling blankets if I can smell them from here.

I sniffed the air again, smelling the smell of the blankets.

Yep, definitely the blankets, but it doesn't smell any stronger on the bed. That third smell is annoying me now, it smells so familiar, yet so odd. I'll have to ask Celly when she gets out of the shower.

I recoiled, where had Celly come from? I'd never called her anything but Celestia or Princess Celestia. Eh, whatever. I sat down on the bed and swung my feet onto the bed, pulling out my phone. I started playing a stupid side-scrolling driving game, just to pass the time. It had only been 10 minutes since Celestia had gotten in the shower, so I waited a little longer.

Finally she emerged from the shower, her hair not so flowy, and instead up in a towel. I glanced up from my phone, and dropped it to cover my eyes. Natural reaction I guess. Celestia laughed at the display. I remembered that they didn't usually wear clothes. I took my hands away from my face, blushing.

"Sorry, I'm used to either not being in the room when someone comes out of the shower, or not being allowed to look while they dress, now that I think about it, females were weird in relationships." I stroked the stubble on my chin, and stopped as I realized I had no way of shaving. I shrugged, maybe I'll try and grow it out for a change, now that no one was nagging me to shave.

Celestia removed the towel from her hair and discarded it into a hamper on the other side of the room. I'd never have made that shot, since I'm white.

"Hey, Celestia?" I said

"Yes, Thaddeus?" she replied

"I have 2 questions for you. First, what is that smell? I can smell cake, blankets, but I can smell another that I can't identify. Any ideas?"

I swear I could see her blush, but I left it alone

"I'm not certain, Thaddeus. Your other question?"

I looked at her suspiciously, "What is that hol--" Something came flying in the very hole I spoke of and perched on Celestia's back. "Oh."

It was a red, yellow, and orange bird. I don't know why, but my brain screamed at me to get away. I tried to focus on something else, other than the alarms blaring in my head.

"I guess that answered my question." I said.

"I guess it slipped my mind, this is Philomena, my pet phoenix." She said.

That's why my brain was on DEFCON 1. It's a phoenix.

Celestia levitated a brush through her hair, while simultaneously levitating a bowl of food across the room, balancing it on her withers. Philomena began eating, occasionally stopping to look at me. Celestia turned to me.

"When was the last time you showered?" she asked.

"Iunno, the day before I woke up here?" She scrunched her nose. "Are you saying I stink?"

"I'm not saying you stink, I'm implying it. Now get in there, and put your clothes outside the door, I'll get them cleaned quickly." She responded.

"Fine, fine." I took my pens and my wallet back out of my pocket and placed them on the night stand, getting up and walking into the bathroom. I undressed quickly, opening the door just enough to throw them out the door. I turned on the water, testing it with my hand before hopping in. I looked at my selection of shampoos and "coat" washes, which I presumed was the equivalent of body wash. They were all cake. Every single one of them was cake scented. I cut a large chunk of my dignity and threw it in a blender as I used them. I smelt like cake. It is not right for a man to smell like cake.

I hopped out of the shower, grabbing a towel, I began drying myself off. Just as I was finishing up, Celestia walked in with my clothes, forcing me to clamp my hand over my mouth, which in turn made me drop the towel. I scrambled to grab the towel as Celestia backed up.

"Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!" she repeated as she backed up.

I grabbed the towel and wrapped it around myself.

"It's all right, Celestia, you can come in now."

She opened her eyes, looking back in the doorway to see me with a towel around my midriff. She walked back in and levitated me my clothes, blushing heavily. She closes the door as she backs out, allowing me to change into my clothes.

I walked out of the bathroom, glancing around the room. Celestia was lying on the couch, waiting for me to come out. With me out of the bathroom, we both start out the door towards the throne room.

IV

Author's Note

Sorry for the long delay, I decided to be a lazy ass. Although 4 days is nothing compared to some of the stories I've seen... *CoughCastleLifeCough* *CoughVinyl&Octavia:UniversityDaysCough*

Anyway, the art was not of my own. The beautiful artist is here: Clickity Click

IV

Celestia and I were silently making our way to the courtroom, mentally preparing ourselves for the hours ahead. I had made sure to grab my stuff from the nightstand before we left, hoping to do something to keep my mind off of the whiny nobles, always wanting something or another. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, checking the time. 7:27, we were cutting it close, but I presumed we’d make it. I looked up from the floor, glancing around, taking in the architecture of the hallway. The ceilings were barreled, with lights every 10 meters or so. I wondered about the lights; how they seemed to always stay lit even though as far as I knew there was no electricity to speak of.

“How do these lights work?” I questioned, snapping Celestia out of her thoughts.

“What?” She asked, confused.

“The lights, they’re always on, but there’s no electricity to speak of here.” I replied

“Oh, they’re run by the passive magic of the unicorns in this city. They can technically be turned off—“ She lights her horn, flicking the light above us on and off a couple times, “—But we tend to leave them on, for the guards when they swap shifts.” She finishes.

“Fair enough.” I nod, continuing our trek. I looked at my watch. “Seven thirty-two.” I announced, alerting Celestia.

She looks at me, unimpressed. “I deal with them for the majority of the day, they can deal with me being a few minutes late.” She says.

“I guess you can look at it that way.”

We finally arrived, the guards opening the door for Celestia and I. I nodded at them in appreciation, even though I was well aware that both Celestia and I could open the door with very little effort. I glanced around the throne room, it was the same room as before, with the different stained glass. I grabbed the chair from yesterday, spinning it so I could sit. I noticed some blank parchment, asking celestia if I could use it. She nodded, and I stood up and grabbed it, returning to my seat and pulling out my black pen, I began to sketch what I saw. I did a rough sketch of Celestia in her throne. Her hair was a bitch to sketch, because it never stopped moving. I finally got it to look decent, moving onto her head. I continued to sketch, not really thinking about what I was doing. I finished and placed the parchment on the floor, taking a picture of it with my phone before folding it and putting it in my pocket.

Just in case.

I pulled my phone out again, making sure I muted it before I started playing games. Finally, after what felt like hours, Celestia stood up from her throne, beckoning for me to follow her. I stood up from the chair, moving it back to where I got it. My stomach grumbled as I walked up to Celestia, sticking my tongue out at her.

“On a scale of hipsters to Apple to Samsung to Apple, how much do you…” I stopped as I realized she wouldn’t get my other worldly references. I sighed.

“On a scale of one to ten, how much do you hate early morning court?” I corrected.

“Eight.” She replied simply. “You?”

“Ten, I can’t stand their whining.” I stated “We want this, we deserve this, this is our right. Wahwahwah.” I mimicked in as whiny a tone as I could muster, moving my fingers in a motion similar to a mouth.

“You got the voices spot on.” she chuckles.

I stick my tongue out at her, laughing along.

We both slowly finish giggling, walking towards the dining hall.

“What were you writing?” Celestia asks, curiosity plastered on her face.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” I state, sticking my tongue out at her.

“My my, sticking your tongue out at the princess? We’ll have to teach you a lesson.”

“Alright, fine. Here.” I unfold the parchment, handing it to her. She takes it in her magic, gasping as she saw what it was.

“Sorry, I’m not very artistic, but I tried, I guess.” Squeaking as she hugged me.

“It’s great.” She says, still hugging me. I was not expecting such a strong reaction.

She finally pulled away, putting the picture back into my pocket. I straightened my shirt, walking alongside Celestia.

“So, about last night…” I trailed off, hoping that I didn’t have to start. Unfortunately, I did, as Celestia looked at me, waiting for me to finish.

“...Was that a one time thing, or is there a chance it could happen again?” I finished, looking away. I didn’t want to be alarmingly obvious that I had enjoyed it, but my social skills fail me yet again. I felt a tug on my lower jaw, pulling me face to face with Celestia.

“Do I look like the type of pony that would sleep with someone and go?” She asked, obviously unimpressed that I even thought she would act like that. “Even though nothing happened, we have mutual benefits to be gained from an arrangement. We both agreed that our sleep last night was one of the best we’d had in a long while. Although we might want to keep this on the down low, just in case. Wouldn’t want the newspapers to get the wrong idea.” She releases her grip on my face, allowing me to look away.

“Oh look, we’re here.” I say quickly, trying to get away from the topic. I quickly walk up to the door, the guards opening it as per usual.

Celestia walks in at her normal pace. “Good morning, sister. How was the night court?” Luna glances around.

“Oh, good morning to you as well, sister. The night court was tolerable, but I must ask, how can you tolerate them for the whole day, sister?” Luna replies, scrunching her face.

“It is not a simple task, but it is one you will have to learn on your own, sister.” She says vaguely.

“So, how about that breakfast?” I announce, booping Celestia on the nose for good measure.

The server walks in, calmer than yesterday, surprisingly. It seems these ponies adjust to new things easily. Or Celestia had something to do with it. Either way, I was grateful for the lack of fearful looks.

I order the same as yesterday, while Celestia orders a half dozen muffins. I decide not to test how hard I can push on her boundaries before it comes back to bite me in the ass. I smirk at her, swiveling back around. I look over at Luna, whom is lying with her face on the table. I chuckle, shaking my head. These fuckin’ ponies, always working themselves to the bone.
And so begins the wait for food. I start doing random things, drumming my hands on the table, drumming my fingers on the table, each getting shut down by Celestia with a glare. God, I hated ADHD. So. Fucking. Much. Finally, the food came, Celestia and I digging in. I glance over at Luna to see that she hasn’t touched her coffee. I glance back at Celestia. Apparently, we were both having the same thought. Celestia slowed her eating, placing a muffin down with a chuckle.

“What are we going to do with her now?” I ask, glancing back at Luna.

“I think I’ll get a guard to take her to her room.” Celestia responds, picking up her muffin again.

“No, once I finish I’ll take her to her room.”

“Are you certain? She’s heavier than she looks.” Celestia glances at me and her.

“Yeah, I can do it. Either way, I need the exercise to work off the weight from these pancakes.”

She nods, “We wouldn’t want you to get fat, now would we?”

I gasp, placing my hand on my heart, “Are you calling me fat?” I say in my best female voice.

I quickly finish, Celestia picking up my plate with her magic and placing it under her own. I wander over to Luna, placing one hand on her withers, with my other hand on her croup, I bent down and braced, pushing back up with my knees. Celestia was not kidding when she said that she weighed more than she looked. I walked out the door, the guards closing it behind me. I was amazed that none of the guards questioned what I was doing carrying the princess. I soon realized I had no idea where I was going, instead wandering the halls. By some miracle, Luna hadn’t woken up, I was glad for that. I could feel the strain on my muscles, what little muscle I had, warning me that if I didn’t put her down soon, they would. I glanced around, looking for a guard to ask for directions. I spotted a maid, wandering the halls, dusting random things. I took off towards her, grateful for my luck.

“Excuse me, miss. Would you know where Luna’s room is?” I quickly questioned.

“Yes, It’s th--” She stopped abruptly, apparently scared by my appearance.

“Please, miss. I need to get Luna to her room, and my arms aren’t going to last much longer.”

“I-it’s th-at way.” She pointed her feather duster down the hall.

“Thank you!” I exclaimed as I took off down the hall, my muscles screaming.

I found the room, finally. It had a large crescent moon, apparently based off of the one Luna has on her thigh. I pushed the door open with my back, glancing around the room. It was more or less identical to Celestia’s own room, but darker. The room was a dark blue, with with lighter blues, and blacks for trims and such, the cou--

PUT HER DOWN ALREADY!!!

Ah, yes, I’m still holding her. I rush to the bedside, placing one knee on the edge of the bed to place her in the middle of it. You turn to leave the room, before feeling a pull on your arm. You glance down to see what your arm is caught on, only to see the blue aura, the same one as… Luna.

You turn back around, looking at her.

“What is it, Princess?” I ask, flinching as I flex my arm.

“I wish to understand what it is that my sister sees in you.”

“Alllllll rigggghhhtttt?” I drag out my words, attempting to think. What is going on with my life? “What exactly does this entail?” I ask.

“We request that thee accompany us until we fall asleep.” She replies, acting as if it was a normal thing. Maybe it was, but it wasn’t for me.

I sigh “Do I really have a choice? I mumble, ignoring the muscle tics.

“You do have a choice, young Thaddeus. But if you choose not to, I will not give you my blessing to court my sister.” She replies simply.

“Makes sen… COURT?!?!?!” I yelled the last part, my brain in disagreement with her. “ARE YOU INSANE? I’VE BEEN HERE FOR 2 DAYS AN--”

“Do not yell at me, mortal, lest you feel the wrath of the night.” She snaps in a low tone. “You may have had a choice before, but now you no longer have the option of leaving. Now sit down!” She snaps the last two words, making you sit for fear of your life.

You dare not make eye contact, until you feel a tug on your face, pulling you towards her. You look at her, as she does you. you see her blink a couple times, the familiar glisten of tears. She drops you on the pillow beside her, rolling over.

“Princess Luna, I’m so so--”

“Words prove nothing, instead show me that you are sorry.” She says as she lifts her barrel, allowing me to move my arm under her and pull her closer.

I feel very dirty moments later. I presume this is the same feeling as cheating on someone, except I’m not in a relationship. This just feels… dirty, like I shouldn’t be here doing this. You don’t really have a choice now, and if you leave now she might cry.

“How long were you awake before we got here?” I asked, moving my hands across her stomach. My god it’s so soft.

“We awoke when you were asking the maid for directions.”

“Ah, and how long did you have this plan, to test me?”

“We did not have a plan, it was all very impromptu.”

“Oh.”

I decided if she wanted to test me, I’d test her. I brought my hand up behind her ear and began scratching. It’s a very satisfying feeling to have the feared “Princess of the Night” melting in your hands. She made a sound like a purr, which made me stop. I rested my hand over her side again, enjoying the warmth, although I was still trapped here. I still felt dirty. But I figured Celestia would understand that I didn’t have a choice… I don’t know why I felt dirty, but it was bothering me.

I tried to stop thinking about it and enjoy my forced cuddling. Why were these ponies so god damn soft, like shit, I can’t help but enjoy this just a bit. Luna wiggles closer in my arms, I move my hands appropriately to hold her. I rub my cheek on her neck, eliciting a light moan. That certainly stopped everything. I moved my head back to where it was before, running the tips of my fingers along Luna’s stomach. After about 45 minutes, she finally dropped, allowing me to escape. I was amazed she stayed awake that long, considering the whole reason I was here was because she fell asleep at the table.

Finally, I can get the fuck out of here.

I lifted Luna ever so gently, allowing my arm to slide under her. I stood up, shaking my arm to get the blood flowing, and walked over to the door. I turned the handle, pulling on the door… Locked, shit. The room was very, very dark, and I couldn’t see 2 feet in front of me. I pulled out my phone, adjusting the brightness so that I didn’t wake Luna, and shined it on the door. No deadbolt, no handle lock, nothing. I shined it through the crack, looking up and down. Finally, I found what I was looking for. There was a deadbolt, but it was magic only.

“Or credit card enabled.” I whispered, chuckling lightly.

There were small grooves in the deadbolt, about a centimetre in width. I pulled out my wallet, grabbing my bank card and sliding it in the crack, finding a groove and sliding it in. I wiggled it to the left, sliding the deadbolt slightly. This was a childhood dream come true, breaking in, or in this case out, like a thief. I pulled the card out a bit, moving the end I was holding to the left, finding another groove, I inserted. I repeated the process three more times.

That was a really long fucking deadbolt.

I sighed, opening the door and slowly closing it behind me.

“It’s time for me to skip town.” I stated to no one but myself, placing my bank card back in my wallet.

I took off the way I had come from, hoping to stumble upon someone, anyone, really. I glanced at my watch.

“10:12” I muttered, my mood from breaking out quickly deteriorating.

Why do I get the feeling these halls are changing? It seems like I’ve passed this armor at least 17 times. I yawned, holding my fist to my mouth out of habit. I staggered, holding my hand out to catch me. Leaning against the wall, I slid down to sit. I feel like a child who’s lost his mom in the mall. I want to yell for someone, but I’m too tired. I try to blink away the drowsiness, but once it takes hold, it never lets go. I slide to the side, curling up on the floor, passing out.

Suddenly I’m back home, eating breakfast with my family.

I look at all of them, shaking my head. It’s a dream, of course it would be.

I stand up from the seat, walking out the front door. It’s night time, why would my family eat breakfast in the middle of the night?

“Maybe we can elaborate, if you would let us.” Someone says, you take note of the royal we and deduct it’s Luna.

“How are you in my dream, Princess?” I question, turning to look at her.

“Ah, so naive is the human. We are the controller of the night and everything following it. Including dreams, nightmares, and coitus.” Wait, What!

“The last one was unnecessary, but if you insist… What is it you need now, Luna?” I questioned, dragging my hand across my mouth. Old habits die hard.

“Ah, yes. The main reason we came here!” She exclaims, apparently excited.

“Um, feel free to continue.” I state, grabbing the porch railing.

“We have come to a decision!” She yells, stopping again.

“Onnnn whaaattttt?”

“We have decided that we will allow you to court our sister!”

This again?

“Luna, you realize that--” She cuts me off

“Although it bothers me that you did not ask before, I have accepted that you--” I zone her out,looking over my old street. How did I come from here, sitting on my porch, to a world inhabited by ponies?

shaking my head sadly, I turn to look at Luna. She’s just standing there, looking at me. I wave my hand back and forth, snapping a couple times.

“Hello?” I ask, worried.

I pushed on the side of her, expecting her to move, but my hand just went through.

Oh god, I’m gonna fucking die.

Suddenly everything goes black.

I wake with a start, looking at my surroundings. It’s the hallways, that’s for sure, but it’s not stationary. I glance down to find Celestia, holding me in her magic.

“Howdy.” I say, groggy.

She jumps, her horn flickering from loss of concentration. She looks up to see me with my arms crossed.

“Oh, you’re awake. How was your nap in the halls?”

“Oh, y’know, it was sleep. I blame Luna. Carpets are pretty comfortable, though. What time is it?” I question, yawning.

“It’s currently 7:23. How long were you sleeping for?” She replies.

I start mumbling some numbers, “It was about 8:40 when I left the dining hall, it took me twenty minutes to get to Luna’s room, forty-five minutes IN her room, seven minutes to get out, and about fifteen minutes of wandering before I fell asleep, So I fell asleep at 10:07, and slept for… 9 HOURS?!?! HOW?!” I exclaimed.

“You were with Luna for forty-five minutes doing what?” Celestia asks.

“She wanted to know what you saw in me, and gave me permission to court you and such.” I said absent mindedly.

“What was the test?” She said, more and more concern in her voice.

“She wanted to cuddle, Iunno.” I continued, trying to check my math. Suddenly I was placed upright. “Good, my head was starting to hurt”

“Stay here, I need to go talk with my sister.” She ran off, leaving me to stay there and wait.

“I was asleep for 9 fucking hours, on top of my nights rest. What the fuck.” I glanced around, looking for Celestia.

She’s not here, you dickwad. Stay right here.

I leaned on the wall, tapping my foot. This is so fucking boring, shoot me now. I feel like I could run a marathon and then some.

“AHA, I can do laps around… don’t want to risk getting lost again, do we? Why not push ups?” I said to myself, lying down on the floor.

“Alright, let’s do this!” I placed my hands on the floor, lifting myself. “One… Two… Three… Four…” Suddenly I remembered why I don’t do pushups as my arms started to shake under 100 and some odd pounds, before giving out and letting my nose acquaint itself with the floor. I heard a crack and rolled over, grabbing my face.

“Fu-fu-FUUUCCCCKKKK!!!” I screamed, crying. I could taste iron, meaning I was bleeding, and if the feeling in hands was anything to go by, I was bleeding profusely.

I propped myself against the wall, crying into my hands while the blood pooled at the base of my palm. My mouth tasted of blood, and it was disgusting. I kept waiting for the golden flash, signalling that it was healed, but it never came.

“Thaddeus, are you alright?!” I heard Celestia exclaim, 5-10 feet to my right. I turned towards the source of the voice, not daring to take my hands away from my face.

“Not r--” I coughed on my blood, closing my mouth. I pulled my hands away from my face, revealing dried blood from my nose down.

Celestia gagged, turning away and running.

“Great, just fucking great. Fucking squeamish horses, when I need help, they just turn and run. Great, maybe I’ll get to sit here and bleed out.” I grumbled, still cupping blood, MY blood, which was now dripping onto my jeans.

It had been about 7 minutes, the blood was still running down my face, and my eyes were red from crying. I shook my head.

What the fuck were you thinking, you dickshit. You should have known you can’t do pushups for shit.

I heard hooves on the floor, turning to the sound. Celestia rounded the corner, with Luna in tow. At this moment, my nose started itching, a particularly slow drop of blood tickling my nose.

Oh no, ABORT! DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT SNEEZE! IF YOU FUCKING SNEEZE, I WILL KILL YOU!

My face contorted, nose scrunching up. Celestia walked to the left, stopping while Luna stopped dead ahead, looking concerned.

FLY YOU FOOL, FLY! GET OUT OF THE WAY!

I tried to stop it by inhaling through my nose, but it all went to the back of my throat. The itching reached a climax as I involuntarily drew my head back, involuntarily bringing my elbow to my mouth before I remembered I had blood in my hands. Everything went wrong.

The inertia from my arm moving to my face caused the blood to leave my palm and cake the wall, and I sneezed at the same time, the blood at the back of my throat acquainting itself with Luna and the wall behind her, while the blood from my nose coated the carpet.

Oh god why.

V

I blinked, and I blinked again, glancing around in a daze. I turned and looked to my right, seeing the blood all over the wall, and turned to the left, looking at Luna, who appeared to be a little red, whether it was from my blood, or from how pissed she was.

You’re fucked.

I pulled off my shirt, jumping up to try and clean off Luna.

“I’m sorry, I’m so, so, so, so, sorry! Please don’t kill me!” I said quickly, rubbing my shirt over all the blood, efficiently forcing it further into her fur. I turned to the left, finding Luna’s face a couple inches away from mine, staring deep into my soul.

“Thaddeus…” Luna growled.

“Y-Yes?”

“Stop.”

“I… Okay…” I lowered my head, looking at my bloody pants.

Suddenly there was a flash from Luna’s horn, and all the blood was gone, except for what was on me.

“Oh come on…” I grumbled, shrugging.

Luna turned away, walking back to her room, presumably. I turned to Celestia, looking at her quizzically.

“Come, Thaddeus, let her stew.” She said, gesturing with her head before turning away. I went to put on my shirt before remembering that it was bloody. I tucked it into the back of my jeans before taking off after Celestia.

“So, uh, what was all that running off about?” I questioned, noting that my voice was quite nasally.

“Who? Luna or me?” She responded, turning.

“You, I have a feeling I already know why Luna ran off.”

She sighed, making another turn “Nevermind that, what did you do to your nose?”

“I broke it, why? Does it look that bad?”

“No, no, not at all. It’s just… bleeding. A lot.”

I rolled my eyes, turning towards her. “Really? Never would have guessed. Y’know, considering I just coated a wall and your sister in it.”

Celestia took a final turn, opening the door before closing it behind us.

“Now, there’s no need to be sarcastic.”

I took my shirt out of the belt loop, finding the cleanest spot and wiping my face with it before I felt something tugging at the shirt.

“Hey, come over here and let me take a look at it.” Celestia says from the bed, tugging on the shirt repeatedly. I release the shirt, staggering back from the sudden lack of pulling. I watch my shirt fly across the room into an empty basket before walking towards Celestia, sitting on the edge of her side of the bed.

I see the soft golden light of Celestia’s horn, and the familiar feeling of something being engulfed by magic, the something in question being my nose.

“Interesting… Your nose is restructuring itself, albeit quite slowly. I imagine it should be fine by the end of the week. Is that normal?”

Alright, so the golden stuff only works instantly on small wounds, but speeds up healing on larger injuries, such as broken bones.

“No, I don’t think that’s normal, although I’ve never broken a bone, so I’m not a reliable source of information. But I’m at least thirty-seven percent certain that it doesn’t work like that. Keep in mind that’s thirty percent more certain than I usually am.” I responded.

“Nevertheless, you need to get cleaned up. Go shower and throw your stuff out the door, I’ll get it washed for tomorrow.” I nod, standing up and walking towards the bathroom.

I repeated the procedure from the morning, stepping out of the shower, I grabbed a towel from the rack, and wrapping it around my waist, I stepped out of the bathroom, holding the towel at my waist like my life depended on it. Celestia was on the bed with reading glasses on, a thick book in front of her.

“Cel, whereabouts are my clothes?”

“They’re in the wash, why?”

“I kinda need them.”

“Well, you’re out of luck. Now come to bed.”

I chuckled nervously, “I, uh, I kinda can’t.”

She slides a bookmark into the book, putting it on her nightstand before placing the glasses on top. “And why would that be?”

I chuckled again, glancing around the room for a way out of this conversation. “I, um, I would rather not get into that right now.”

“Well, then get into bed.”

I was sweating at this point, trying to find a way out of either of the options on the table.

“I, uh, I can’t do that either.”

“It’s one or the other, Thaddeus. Make your choice.”

Just get in the fucking bed man.

I inhaled deeply, walking towards the bed as Celestia rolled over, facing where I was going to be lying in a few moments. I exhaled and got under the covers, throwing the towel over the edge of the bed.

Oh god, what am I doing? Why couldn’t I just explain morning wood? Or the fact that there is no hiding place for our genitals. Shit shit SHIT. Let’s hope she doesn’t notice tomorrow, huh bud?

I inhaled deeply, taking in the same 3 smells. Although the mystery smell seemed a lot stronger… like, overpowering strong. I felt blood moving to the thunder down under, and that was it.

That smell, I know what it is… it’s f-no ph-... PHEROMONES. OH GOD, OH LAWD JESUS, THERE’S A FIRE.

During my thoughts, Apollo 18 was primed and ready for launch, all the while Celestia pulled herself closer, an action that was not welcomed at the moment, so I moved my lower body away. I felt a tug at my ankles, pulling my legs back to where they were a moment ago. I struggled before accepting that there was no way I was going to win tonight.

“Is everything alright, Thaddeus?”

I looked up, looking her in the eye.

Fuck me sideways with a big black cock, what the fuck do I tell her now? Do I tell her I have a raging boner that’s about 2 inches away from her stomach, or do I tell her that everything is fine? Fuck it, a white lie won’t kill me… hopefully.

“Everything’s fine, Cel.”

“Okay, good.” She leaned forward, planting a 2 second kiss on my lips.

Is every rational thought gone? Good. New priority: Kiss her. Priority: Important.

I moved my hands from Celestia’s back to her head, pulling her face towards me before kissing her heartily. Somewhere along the crazy train ride, I forgot that Apollo 18 was on the launch pad. Celestia broke away from the kiss.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Me? I’m hoping that I’m staying right here, with you.”

“If that finger goes any lower, you’re going to be sleeping on that couch.” She nodded towards the couch in front of the fireplace, which at some point was set ablaze.

“Both my hands are up here… Oh.” My face went a whole other shade of red as I realized what she was referring to, and I hoped to god that she didn’t know.

“Then what’s poking me?” She said as she flipped the blankets back, revealing what I’d been trying so hard to keep a secret. Except, it was bigger than I had remembered. Quite a bit bigger. Like, a couple inches. Nevertheless, I scrambled to cover myself with what I had available, which was not a whole lot, except my hands.

“Now now, there’ll be none of that.” Celestia quipped, holding my hands with her magic.

“I’m really REALLY sorry, Cel. I didn--” I was cut off as she pressed a hoof to my lip.

She looked down, and looked back at me,“There’s no need to worry, it was an honest mistake. However, I am not going to be dealing with that, and neither will you in here. So suck it up-- Her face adopts a sultry look --Now where were we?” She leaned back in, pressing her lips against mine. I returned the kiss heartily, moving my hand to pull the covers back. Celestia rolls over, now on top of me.

We broke apart, panting. I looked Cel in the eye, “So, we’re a thing now?”

“Yeah, I guess we are.” She says as she plants a quick kiss before rolling off of me to her side of the bed, “We should probably get some sleep, I have court in the morning, and you are coming with me.” I wrapped my arms around her pulling her closer.

“Goodnight, Cel.”

“Goodnight, Thaddeus.”

I groaned as I lifted myself from the floor, looking around I realized that I was in my old room, which meant that I was dreaming. I pushed up and jumped to my feet, thankful that I had clothes on. I wandered out of my old room towards the stairs, stopping at the top.

“I could probably frontflip down these, I’ve thought about doing it since I was six, and I can do it now… Why not?” I would come to regret those words. I backed up to the door in front of the stairs, and ran towards the stairs, and as soon as I jumped, only one thought was thought.

Was the ceiling always that low?

I bounced my head off the ceiling, immediate pain ringing through. And then I hit the stairs, and my legs crumpled allowing me to roll down the stairs, hitting every body part on something.

I thought this wasn’t going to hurt… I have never been so wrong in my life.

I finally reached the bottom of the stairs, after what felt like a minute of constant hurt. I looked back at the stairs, finding them to be five times longer than they usually were. I groaned in pain, putting my face down on the tiles. That’s when Luna came in.

“Thaddeus? Where are you? Thad--” She stopped as she kicked me in the ribs, looking down to find me groaning on the floor.

“Help… me…”

No, instead of helping me, she decided I was a ragdoll and picked me up, my limbs flopping all over the place from the inertia of suddenly being forced upwards. Luna placed me on my feet, and cast some spell, presumably the reason why all the pain was gone. I staggered for a moment, before leaning on the counter.

“So, to what do I owe the pleasure?” I questioned, a hint of sarcasm in my voice.

“Well, actually there is three separate things, we will start with the one from earlier. We-- I wish to apologize for forcing you into something you were uncomfortable with.” I closed my eyes, trying to remember what exactly she was referring to.

“Oh, that? No hard feelings, t’was mighty comfortable, although I didn’t appreciate being locked in.”

“Yes, my apologies.”

“What was the second thing?” I questioned, drumming my fingers on the counter.

“Ah, yes, the second matter was the incident in the hallway.” She countered, glaring at me.

“Oh my god, that. I’m so sorry, it wasn’t on purpose!” I nearly yelled.

“In your words, no hard feelings, I just wanted an apology. Although, I can think of a couple ways to punish you for it.”

Oh god. Let’s hope it’s not a slave job.

“Ah, uh, okay. The third thing?”

“The third, yes. What were you up to before you slept?”

“What? What does that matter?”

“Well, Celestia is my sister, and I care for her very much, and if you do anything to hurt her, and I do mean anything-- She started stomping towards me --it matters not how far, or how fast you run, I will find you, and you will be hurt more than my sister. Understood?” I had backed myself into the corner of the counter, I swallowed.

“Yes, Princess, 100% crystal clear.”

She backed away and smiled, “Glad to hear it. Now, I believe you have court in about an hour. Wake.” and everything faded to black

My eyes shot open, only to be met with the peaceful face of my new girlfriend, or whatever the pony equivalent is. I pulled her closer, kissing her. She moans a bit before her eyes flutter open, her beautiful purple eyes.

"Good morning, Cel."

“Good morning to you, Hun.”

I quickly kissed her before moving to get up, only to fail as Celestia pulled me back down.

“Where do you think you’re going?” She questions, still holding me with her magic.

“I was going to go shower and get my clothes, why?”

“Well, I was thinking, why don’t we save time and shower together?”

“I-uh-I, sure I guess that would be efficient.” I stammered out “seems like we’re moving a bit fast though…”

“What was that?” Celestia inquired.

“N-nothing, just thinking.”

“Okay, come on then. Let’s get to it.” Celestia says, rolling over and off the bed, sashaying to the bathroom before turning her head and winking.

“You tease.” I grumbled as I walked off to the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

I released the door knob, turning to look at Cel.

“I heard that.”

“Heard what?”

“You tease. That is what you said, is it not?” She smirked, knowing she had won.

“Fine, you got me. But it’s true.”

“Oh, I know. Maybe you’ll be paid-- Celestia winked --for all your troubles”

“Maybe. Anyway, time’s a wastin’. Get in the shower, Cel.”

She stepped in the shower, gesturing for me to for me to follow suit. I hopped in the shower, shivering as Celestia ran her tongue along my arm.

“What the what?”

It was her turn to be flustered, “I-uh-I um--”

“Nevermind, Cel, let’s just get a move on, yeah?” I said as I turned on the shower.

“Good idea.”

I turned the shower onto cold, scheming for a little fun. The shower sprung to life, spraying cold water all over me, I chuckled.

Good thing I’m Canadian.

I reached up for the shower head, lifting it out of it holder thing before spinning around on my heels and spraying Cel with a nice cold blast of water. I cackled manically.

“Revenge is a dish best served cold.”

Celestia yanked the shower head out of my grasp, reversing it. I continued to laugh, confusing Celesia, before I felt the water get alarmingly hot.

“Sorry, I prefer my dishes, revenge or not, hot.” I was no longer laughing, instead I was trying to not show the pain, which was becoming increasingly hard as the water got hotter.

“I YIELD.” I yelped, sighing in relief as the shower became a normal heat.

“I’m sorry, Cel. I couldn’t help it.” I kissed her “Let’s have a normal shower now, shall we?”

“That sounds lovely.” She kissed me again.

The shower was already at a nice temperature, so Celestia just switched it to the holes in the ceiling, instead of the shower head. It provided a constant “rain” across the area of the shower, so it was particularly useful for our current situation.

I reached for the shower gel, same name as on Earth. Fun fact. and squeezed some into my palm before walking over to Celestia, running my hand along her back before lathering the shower gel on her back, working my way down to her thighs, before placing a slap on her sun, making her jump. I leaned down, placing a kiss where I had just slapped. I moved my hand to the other side rubbing the sun, before moving forward, around her thigh and onto the inner thigh. I heard a gasp and then a moan over the pitter patter of the shower, I smirked before continuing with the task, humming a tune as I moved my hand along her stomach, working my way towards her neck, before stopping and going back the way I had been coming from going up the other inner thigh, before crossing back over, hitting my mark. Her womanhood, or marehood or whatever the fuck. I heard the gasp and moan.

“Enjoying yourself, are you?” I quipped, smirking as I brushed my hand back over it.

“M-maybe I am. What’s it to you?” She retorted, moaning again.

“Just making sure my beautiful sun is enjoying herself.” I bent down and kissed her suns, before cleaning the rest of her backside, continuing on after acquiring more shower gel.

Then it was her turn to clean me, and let me tell you. It’s awkward, just standing there getting cleaned. However, that’s not to say it wasn’t enjoyable. She started with my chest and back, before moving down to my midriff and genital area. My main vein was pumping at one hundred and ten percent, I gasped as she ran her tongue along the underside of my Shvantz, looking up at me with a twinkle of mischief in her eyes. She winked at me and continued cleaning, occasionally kissing the tip, or running her tongue along it. She took the whole head in her mouth, before popping it back out.

“April fools.” She winked.

“Really?” I went to check my watch, but it was sitting on the counter next to the sink.

“Mhm.”

“Shit.”

We both agreed that we were clean, and hopped out of the shower, grabbing towels to dry up.

“We’ll continue this later.” Cel said, winking. She’d been doing that a lot.

“I’d certainly hope so, otherwise I might be a tad upset.”

“You did the same thing!”

“Fair enough. We’re still not equal, you tease.”

“How do you think I felt last night?” That stopped me for a moment.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, well at any rate, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, as far as I can tell, you have no control over it. Anyway, enough of that, let’s get ready for today.”

“Yeah, let’s. I don’t think any time was saved with that shower.”

“But it was better than showering alone, was it not?”

I nodded my head vigorously “Oh my, yes.”

“Good.”

Celestia opened the bathroom door, letting out a cloud of steam, before walking out with me follow behind, closing the door as I walked over to the one other door, where my clothes awaited me. I found them in the dryer, still warm. I put them on with a satisfactory chuckle.

I turned around and walked back out, wandering over to Celestia, placing a kiss on her lips before walking out the door.

Author's Note

For anyone interested in Thaddeus' abilities, have at it.
Blog post

VI

Author's Note

Alrighty. Big points chapter here. Many, MANY video game references. So many, that in order to keep the points balance, any video game reference is only worth 1 point, but can be found by 3 people. Yes, video game references include ones simply stated. Either way, sorry for the long chapter, and sorry for the rushed chapter. Enjoy. Maybe. Or hate it, 's up to you.

VI

Cel and I walked through the halls, the same way as yesterday, the only difference being the large increase in physical contact between us. She would bump me with her midriff, and I would bump into her. This continued for majority of the walk, save for when we were in the presence of guards. According to Cel, majority of them were suckers for gossip. I just laughed it off, thinking she was just fucking with me, but still decided to keep it professional just in case.

“So, Luna knows about us, apparently.” I stated calmly, figuring that it wouldn’t really mean anything to her.

“I am aware.” She replied, equally calm.

“Oh?” I replied quizzically.

“Yes, she visited my dreams last night. I’m presuming she also visited yours.” I nodded, before looking down and frowning.

“How does she visit everyones dreams and still hold a night court?” I questioned, looking towards Celestia.

“Oh, I guess you wouldn’t know. She casts a spell on herself, that takes a bit of her subconscious and looks for nightmares, going to comfort the pony in need, or in special cases, delivering a message.-- She pauses for a moment -- Luna gains all the information when she goes to bed herself, which can both be a blessing and a curse.” Her face adopts a crestfallen look “Believe me, I know.” She mumbles.

I stopped dead in my tracks, while Cel continued walking past me, “Cel, stop.” She continued walking, “Cel. Cel! Stop, please! Celestia, Please!” I started worrying, this wasn’t like her. I jogged up to her, reaching my hand across and grabbing her shoulder, turning her towards me before pressing her face into mine, kissing her

We broke apart, Cel looked down at the ground.

“Cel, look at me.” I ran my hand down from the back of her head to her chin, lifting her head up with my index finger.

“Cel, you can tell me anything that’s bothering you. You know that, right?” I said, quickly kissing her.

“There are somethings that I need to face my-- I cut her off, cupping her face.

“Celestia, we’re going into the rest of our lives together, we can face whatever together” I kissed her muzzle as I finished, running my thumbs along the sides of her face.

“But--

“No buts, Cel. Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do, Thaddeus. What kind of question is that?”

“Good, then we can face this together, Cel. Maybe not now, maybe not today, maybe not this week, but we-- I gestured to Cel and I --can face this.” I kissed her lips, scratching behind her ears until I felt it flick my hand. We broke apart yet again, staring into each others eyes.

“We should probably get going.” Cel mumbled.

“Yeah, probably.” I chuckled. “If not for court, then for breakfast. With L-- I paused, remembering what she had said to me last night.

“In your words, no hard feelings, I just wanted an apology. Although, I can think of a couple ways to punish you for it.”

--una” I finished “Shit”

“Uh, nothing. Although I might not be able to join you for court after breakfast.” I replied, thinking about what she could do to me.

“You were never expected to, and never are you obligated to come everyday. However, I am curious, what’s keeping you today?”

“I-uh-Luna may have said something about making me work because of yesterday.” I mumbled, my dignity crawling into a corner like that one Little Sister from Bioshock 2 as I thought about myself in a french maid outfit.

Remember, you have a way out of her room.

Valid point, random voice. What is that voice even? Eh, that’s a problem for future me.

I shook the image from my mind, leaning on Cel as we continued our way towards the court.

“Cel, I need a job.” I stated, stopping as my support did.

“Oh? Why’s that?” She asked, a quizzical look on her face.

“Well, we should probably walk and talk. As for the job, I don’t like being a freeloader, I’ve been one for my whole life, and I’m fed up with it, and second, I want to make my own money, not borrow yours if I want something.”

“While both of those are fair points, we’re still not certain how the populace will react to you, so you’ll have to settle for a job in the castle. Matter of fact, there’s a position that’s been open for some years.” She replied, smirking deviously.

“I… I don’t like that smirk, Cel. Cel, why are you smirking?” I said nervously, taking a step away.

“I’m not sure you want the job, I don’t think you’re properly built for it.” She responded, obviously enjoying this.

“Just tell me the goddamn job, Cel.”

“Are you sure you want to know? If you take the job, you’ll be getting your own room.”

“Cel…” I growled

“Fine, fine. The job is the Royal sex slave.” Celestia says nonchalantly.

I spun on my heel, “Nope, all aboard the nope train to nopeville in the province of nope!” I yelled, walking away from that crazy fucking pony. However, I failed to account their god damn magic bullshit, and felt myself getting picked up and turned around slowly, like a hog on a spit, before being lowered upside down, now face to face with Cel. She pulled me closer and kissed me before leaning in and whispering something into my ear.

“Oh? Yeah? Uh-huh. Mmm, sounds good. This is all happening tonight? Oh. Yeah, I can’t hear you, Cel.” I whispered into her ear, making her look at me.

“What do you mean you can’t hear me?” She asked.

“I mean I’m physically unable to hear you from that ear. I’m deaf. Well, not fully deaf, just out of that ear. Now couldja put me down, so that all the blood stops going to my head?” I answered, a headache starting to grow as all the blood ran to my head, before being flipped over again.

Is this how an hourglass feels?

I shook my head, trying to get the excess blood moving back to where it needed to go.

“So, mind repeating what you were saying?” I said, Cel already leaning in.

“Oh? Really? Maybe. Huh. Yeah. Eh, why not? Wow. Sure. Alright.” I said, chuckling occasionally in reply to some of the things that she was saying.

“Alright, off to breakfast we go, Hun.” Cel said, waiting for me to walk over to her.

“Breakfast? It’s only-- I looked down at my watch --three minutes ‘til the end of court, alright. Breakfast it is. Won’t the nobles be mad?” I replied in surprise.

“They’re too busy being sycophants to be mad.”

“Oh.” I chuckled a bit. “Fuckin’ bootlickers.”

“What?”

“Uh, it’s a human thing, I guess. You don’t have boots here?”

“We do, kinda, but nopony really uses them. Although there was one Gala where this one country mare used cowmare boots as decorative shoes.” she got a far away look in her eyes, before shaking her head, “That was one of the best Gala’s I was at. And I’ve been to thousands.”

We arrived at the dining hall, the guards opening the doors as usual. We walked in, and the first thing I noticed was Luna, she looked eerily… awake. I blinked a couple of times, making sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me. Her head snapped towards me.

God, she looks fuckin’ creepy.

“Cel. Cel, nevermind, I’m coming to court with you. Whatever you do, do not let her come near me.” I whispered loudly, turning my head only to find myself face to face with Luna.

HOLY SHIT!!! RUN MOTHERFUCKER RUN!!!

“HOLY JESUS CHRIST, I’M OUT!!!” I screamed as I sprinted straight at the table, Bo-Duking™ across it, before sprinting across the dining room to the door, smashing into it with my shoulder, the strike smashing through the wood from the sudden force. I tried to stop, my feet sliding across the floors making me fall onto my hands before flipping and sprinting to the left, shoes sliding on the floor.

THIS IS FUCKING CARPET, WHY ARE WE SLIDING?!

“My shoes are really worn down, kinda old.” I said to the voice. “Who are you, anyway?”

I’m… I’m not sure who I am, I only know what I am. I’m stardust, and I’m kinda the reason that you’re here.

“Really now? You’ll have to tell me at some point. Can’t say I’m complaining, I just kinda miss my family is all.” I said, surprisingly calm, given the circumstances.

Will do, boss man. So, what am I called? Just for future reference. Y’know, ease of access.

“Uh, ask me if we survive.” I risked a glance back, seeing Luna prancing with the same look on her face.

“Her face reminds me of a creepypasta… What was it? Jack… no…” I mumbled, still running away from that crazy sumbitch.

“Jeff the Killer” Stardust and I said at the same time, although he was more of a thought.

“Can you take on a female voice?” I questioned, intrigued by my new companion.

I don’t know, can I? It responded, a much more female voice now present.

“Your designation is now Sigma.” I replied.

What am I, some AI? She said.

“Darlin’, you’re the Cortana to my Master Chief.” I chuckled, proud of my reference.

Fair enough, Thad.

I glanced back, noticing the decrease in distance between myself and Jeff the Killer/Luna.

“So, uh, care to give me the breakdown of what we can do here, Sigma?” I said, yelping as I noticed the approaching wall.

Do you want all of it, or just the stuff useful to us at this moment?

“Preferably the useful parts.” I said as I pulled a sharp right, glancing back, there was about 15 metres between me and Luna.

Well, we have increased stamina, which is already working. We have a boost, jumps us forward a couple metres, although it’s really taxing. We could technically transform, but it might be uncomfortable.

“Will it help us?”

Well, yeah. It will give us extra friction on the floors.

“What can we transform into?”

Well, any number of things, provided we have the necessary mass. Monkey, a very large bird, a small dragon, a Luna sized stallion.

“How about the element of surprise, let’s go for the stallion.” I said, turning left

Prepare for some discomfort. Also, your nose might be a bit messed up.

“Whatever, just do it!” I yelled as I noticed the 7 metres between Luna and I.

Alright!

Nothing really changed except for height, I shrunk a little and hunched, my arms growing into forehooves alarmingly fast.

“Well, this isn’t really any different.” I glanced back, noticing two things, one being that Luna had lost her Jeff the Killer look, and was instead standing still with her jaw hanging open, and two, my “cutie mark” was some golden sparkles on a tan skin colour coat.

“CLOSE YOUR MOUTH, YOU LOONEY MARE, YOU’LL CATCH FLIES!” I screamed back as I ran away.

Convinced I lost that crazy mare, I slowed to a trot, looking for anything familiar.

“You wouldn’t happen to know where we are, would you?”

Since we got here, I’ve been making a map of the castle. This is uncharted territory though. But if we go straight and take a left, we should end up near the Solar Wing of the castle.

“Oh, good. Familiar territory. My territory.” I said, chuckling.

Soon, I grew tired of my pony form.

“Yo, Sigma?”

What’s up?

“Any chance I could go back to being human again?”

Sorry, Thad. You’re stuck like that a while longer, unless you want to drop from exhaustion.

“Shitty deal.” I grumbled, walking towards Cel’s living quarters.

I arrived outside of our door, turning around and retracing my steps with Celestia earlier that morning, mumbling the steps to myself.

Finally I arrived at the dining hall doors, noticing the lack of guards at the door. I thought it was going to be an easy walk in there, be reunited with Cel after 30 minutes of running. I was very wrong. I opened the doors, pressing a hoof on the split between the doors pushed them both open. I decided to open my return with a fun remark.

“Honey, I’m home!” I announced to the dining hall, attracting the attention of Celestia, who jumped up from her seat when she noticed me.

“Who are you?!” Cel snapped, stomping towards me

“Cel. Cel, it’s me. Cel, it’s Thaddeus.” I started stepping backwards, tripping over my hooves.

“Cel, CEL! Stop, please! It’s me, Thaddeus.”

I noticed the telltale glow, signifying that she was charging a spell.

“Cel! CELESTIA, STOP!” I started yelling, backing myself into a corner.

“Sigma, I need your help, what’s the ETA on transformation?” I thought.

It was ready before we got in here.

“Shit, that would have been useful earlier.” I thought, “However, it’s not going to be useful if she kills us with that spell, so DO IT NOW!”

Alright, Hun.

I felt my hooves shrink, and my fingers returning.

“CEL!” I yelped, a last ditch effort to preserve myself.

She looked up one last time, immediately stopping the charge of whatever spell it was.

“Tha-- What? How?” She sat down on her rump, looking at me cowering in a corner.

“I’ll… uh, I’ll explain later. Let’s have breakfast, shall we?”

“Uh, I… I guess.” She said, standing up and teleporting to her seat.

“Wow, we backpedaled quite some way, didn’t we?” I thought muttered, pushing myself from the ground.

Yeah, I guess we did. Shit happens fast when you’re being threatened with death.

“Heh, I guess so.” I thought.

I brushed my pants off, patting my pockets to make sure I didn’t lose anything in the transformation.

“Pens, phone, wallet… Yep, that’s all.” I mumbled to no one in particular.

I heard the doors open, everyone’s attention immediately snapped towards the door.

“SISTER! We fear we have lost your mate!” Luna announced to everyone in the dining hall, including Celestia, two servers, and me.

“What?” I heard Cel say from across the room, playing along.

“Your mate, Thaddeus, has turned into a pony and ran off.”

“Really?”

“Yes, he also called us a ‘Looney mare’ and told us that we would ‘catch flies’”

I snorted in a failed attempt to keep my laughter in, attracting attention of everyone who wasn’t aware that I was in the room, including Luna, and the two servers, who were still standing in the same place they had been when Luna had come in.

“THADDEUS!” Luna yelled, running towards me.

“Sigma, we need to get out of the way of her, before she impales us.” I thought.

Well, I can think of two ways to do that. We can either boost, or displace. However, if we use either we risk collapsing from exhaustion.

“Death, or exhaustion… Hmmm.” I thought, noticing the ever growing threat. 15 metres, 10, 8, 5, 3.

“DISPLACE, DISPLACE!” I screamed, realizing that she couldn’t stop herself.

I felt my body pull itself apart before dashing forward and pulling itself back together behind Luna.

I felt myself get control of my body, immediately collapsing from the tiredness that hit my body. Every muscle felt strained, all of my body felt like it couldn’t go on. I strained the muscles in my legs to push myself back onto my feet, groaning in pain. I heard sixteen hooves all moving at once, Cel and Luna running over to me, while the two servers ran to get out of the room.

“Thaddeus, are you alright?’ I heard Cel say in her heavenly voice.

“Cel, I need help.”

Jeez, captain obvious.

“Put your arm across my back” Cel said, bending down.

“Sigma, how long until I can walk on my own again?” I thought.

Approximately 15 minutes. You’re on the brink of dropping from exhaustion. Here, I’ll put a little something here… and there we go.

A little bar popped up, nearly empty, with a few labels.

“Exhaustion, walking, full power.” I mumbled.

“What?” I heard Celestia say, dragging me to a chair.

“Never mind, Cel.” I mumbled, darkness seeping into my vision.

As the bar slowly filled, the darkness grew more and more into my vision, nearly blinding me.

You’ll have to go to sleep to recover from this state of exhaustion

“How long?” I mumbled

About 15 minutes of sleep should allow you to walk, but you’ll have to get at least 8 hours of sleep to recover from using as much power as we have, or 16 hours of doing jack shit, while being awake.

“What are you saying, Thaddeus?” I could barely make out the words as I slipped into an unconscious state.

My eyes snapped open, I looked around, expecting to be in my old house. Instead I found myself in a circular room, populated by two entities, a shelf, a map table, and three doors. I glanced to the other entity, realizing it was a golden silhouette of a female.

“Sigma, at your service.” she said, holding out her hand, which I shook heartily.

“Good to meet you, Sigma. Now why am I here?” I questioned.

“Well, you’re here for a couple reasons, one was so I could finally meet you face to face.” She smiled.

“Let me stop you right there, I don’t mean to be an ass, but is there any chance you could take a more… solid form?” I said, smiling as she appeared as a fully formed female, looking normal except for the golden glow around the edge of her form.

“That’s better. Now, what are the other reasons for my being here?”

“As I was saying, you’re also here so I can show you my base of operations.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, this place should look familiar. I took it from your memory, after all.”

“I knew it looked familiar.” I turned on the spot, and spotted a dog bed next to the shelf. “But… I don’t even have a dog.” I muttered.

“Remember, it’s from your memory, I only removed stuff that could hold absolutely no use,-- she gestured to the third door --like the shop.”

“Wait, so you’re saying that I could have a pet in here?”

“I’m saying you could have a pet in the real world, that would join you here.”

“Oh, that’s pretty sweet, not gonna lie.”

“I thought so too.”

I stepped off the pedestal, looking around the room more. It was more or less exactly the same as I remembered it, except for a statue things were missing from the wall.

“Does this place actually function like the old place?” I said, turning to face Sigma.

“It might, I’m not certain. Let’s find out, shall we?” She said, walking towards the armory, with me not far behind.

“Moment of truth.” She said, as she pushed open the door. I gasped as we entered, noticing the weapons on the mannequins. God I hated mannequins, they make me anxious ever since the Skyrim glitch.

“Wow, look at these beauties.” I mumbled as I looked at the four weapons being held by the mannequins. A hammer, a sword, a pistol, and a rifle.

“Huh, beautiful weapons, these are.” Sigma mumbled.

I started towards the melee weapons, mentally weighing my choices. I grabbed the hammer from the mannequin, giving it a few test swings. I decided to try something a bit more risky, turning towards the empty mannequins on the back wall, I ran towards them before placing the flat of the head on the ground, launching myself into the air and shifting my grip on the handle, swinging it overhead and smashing it into the ground… In reality, I ran and tumbled into the mannequins, knocking them over like bowling pins.

“Welp, that was a failure.” I announced as I walked back to the original mannequins, placing the hammer back, before picking up the sword and swinging it around a couple times, listening to the whistle of the air on the edge of the blade.

“This is much more comfortable.” I said, pulling the sheath from around the mannequin’s waist, placing it on my own before walking over to the ranged weapons, I picked up the pistol first, examining the weapon, before walking back to the center of the room, firing off a couple shots at the downed mannequins.

“Inaccurate, but fast. Is it worth it?” I muttered, walking back over to the rifle.

“I presume you’re the opposite?” I said as I grabbed the rifle and turning back to the centre of the room, stopping and turning, like those military marchers, before bringing the stock of the rifle to my shoulder and firing, the head of the mannequin exploding into bits.

“I like you, ye bastahd.” I said in a scottish accent, grabbing the bandolier off the mannequin, slinging it over my shoulder, I backpedaled to the door, next to Sigma.

“You done, boss?” She said, rotating on her heel.

“I guess I am, Sigma. Let’s go check out the other rooms.” I said, looking up and noting the meter, nearing the “walking” mark.

We walked out of the room, turning to the wardrobe room, if the emblem above was anything to go off of.

Sigma pushed the door in, allowing us both entry. I glanced around the room, looking at the sets of mannequins. Only one of them was clothed, in my current clothes.

“Welp, there’s not a whole lot happening here.” I said, shaking my head in disappointment.

“Yep, not a whole lot at all. Either way, any clothes you wear will be sent here, along with any weapon you wield being sent to the armory. There, unique effects will be placed on them.” Sigma replied.

“Well, what do you say we check out the other room, then?”

“Sure thing, Thad.” Sigma said as we turned and walked out of the room.

We walked out of the room, looking around the room before continuing to the last room, which if memory served, should be the treasury.

We walked in, examining the room as we moved through it. There was a large shelf in the wall, and steps leading down to… 7 currency. I counted. I picked up each piece of gold, and stacked them upon each other, placing it in the corner of the steps.

“Well, this is petty.” I muttered.

“Thaddeus, any currency you gain will come here.”

“I figured.-- I pointed in the opposite corner --Look, there’s even cobwebs.” I chuckled at that, taking note of the bar bypassing the walking stage, working its way towards full power, although that was 8 hours of sleep away.

We walked back out, leaning on the map table.

“Here, is the map of Equestria, the heart of the sanctuary. It even goes in 3-D!” She announced, flipping a switch on the underside of the table, making a hologram appear over the map, visualizing the mountains and towns.

“That’s pretty sweet.” I said.

She reached across the table, tapping the area where the castle was. “That’s what I said!”

The hologram of the map centered on the castle, before zooming in and showing a map of the inside of the castle, where there was a lot of empty area, and some halls faded out into nothingness.

“This is everywhere we’ve been in the castle.-- She pulls out a retractable pointing stick from the underside of the table and started gesturing to several rooms, --Here is the dining hall, and here is the Solar wing, our home now. And over here is the Lunar wing, where Looney lives. The court room is near the entrance of the castle.” She states matter-of-factly.

“Alright, I’ll try to keep it in mind.”

“Do you want a minimap?”

“Uh, no thanks. That sounds like it might be intrusive.”

“Whatever you say, boss man.” She states, shrugging.

“Apparently I can walk around now, Sigma.”

“You can indeed. That’s not a bad idea, considering Cel is nearly in tears.”

That got my attention,“Wake me up, now.”

“Step on the pad over there.” She said, gesturing to my arrival point.

“Alright, the visit was nice. Have fun!” I yelled, feeling my consciousness returning.

My eyes snapped open, finding Cel’s face a couple inches away from mine. I reached up, pulling her face closer and kissing her, lifting myself up a bit in the process.

“Hi, honey. I’m home.” I said groggily, sitting up.

A lone tear trailed down her face, dropping off of her face and onto my shirt.

“Come on now, there’s no need to cry, love.” I said, lifting her chin, squeaking as she threw her hooves around my shoulders.

“Wh-What happened to you, Thaddeus?” She stammered, looking at me.

“It’s a long story.” I said, pecking her on the lips.

“Shorten it.”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Simplify it.”

“Don’t you have court?”

“I can cancel it.”

I sighed, knowing I wasn’t going to win this one, I mean, she’s a female. You can’t win against a female.

“Fine, but can we eat first?”

“Sure, I presumed you would want the same thing as yesterday, so I took the liberty of requesting it for you.” She said, much calmer than before. We took our seats, eating our food in silence, while Luna sat at the end of the table with her head in her hooves.

“She thought you died.” Celestia stated.

“Should… Shouldn’t we tell her that I’m not?” I questioned, staring down at Luna.

“She’s the reason you passed out, is she not?”

“I… I guess, I technically passed out from exhaustion, but the only reason I was exhausted was because of her. So, yeah, I suppose she is.” I said, chuckling quietly.

“Exactly.”

“That’s kinda cruel.”

“She’ll live.” She said calmly, taking a bite out of her pancakes.

We finished our food with ten minutes to spare, so I jumped into explaining what had happened throughout the day, Sigma reminding me of stuff I forgot occasionally.

“That’s… interesting. So, now you can transform into a pony?”

“It’s not happening for now, lest you want me to pass out again,” I stated, noting a small “Estimated time of full power” timer popping up above the meter. “But I am capable of it.”

“Interesting. And you said something about weapons?” She said, a hint of worry in her eyes.

“I’m… I’m not certain about that. I mean, either of us can see that I have no weapons, so…” I trailed off, leaning on the table. I looked back, a bit of worry present when I realized Luna hadn’t moved.

“I think she’s had enough, don’t you?” I said, looking at Cel.

“No, leave her for a bit.”

“Not happening, hun.” I said, lifting my arm before smashing a fist on the table, shaking it and causing the bends in Luna’s legs to give out, dropping her face onto the table.

“OW!” Luna yelped, putting her hooves on her nose before looking up at me.

I raised my arm, waving and smirking. “Hi?” I said.

“Thaddeus! You’re not dead!” She yelled.

Gee, thanks, Captain Obvious.

“Yeah, it’s me. The one and only resident human. I guess.” I said, my eyes widening as she charged towards me.

“Luna, how about we try and walk over here, instead of running? No? Okay, Cel… Cel, help me out here. Cel. Cel! Help!” I cried, putting my hands in front of me to lessen the impact, before I heard Luna hit something in front of me. I opened an eye, seeing a golden shield.

“Thank you, dear.”

“Couldn’t have my new coltfriend being hospitalized, could we?”

“No, I don’t think I’d enjoy that.” I said.

Luna shook her head, recovering from the sudden stop. As I always said, it’s not the speed that kills, it’s the sudden stop. I felt a familiar feeling of weightlessness, Luna pulling me in and throwing her hooves over my shoulders, nearly crushing me as she squeezed, I got the that I was drowning and started pushing away from her, only making her squeeze harder. I heard a pop from my spine, before I heard another pop, the crushing feeling gone.

“You’re a life saver, Cel.” I said, gasping in between words.

“Just because I already saved you, doesn’t mean that you can go and get hospitalized.”

“Fair enough.” I said, having gained enough oxygen to stop gasping.

“So, what kind of work do I have to do for you now, Luna?”

Really? She made you collapse from exhaustion, and you’re going to work for her now?

“I plan on honouring my promises.” I thought.

Judging by your memories, that’s a new part of your morals.

“Yeah, well this is a new start.”

I guess it is, but still, you didn’t even promise you would work for her.

“Whatever, I’m going to work for her. It’ll be something to do. Maybe It’ll be fun.” I thought, trying to appease Sigma.

It’s possible. Maybe she’ll make us do repairs. I know you enjoy the manly manual labour. Not that girly stuff like dusting.

“Exactly. See? You’re getting my mind set now.”

“Are you alright, Thaddeus?” I heard Luna say, worry in her voice.

“Yes! I mean, yes, I’m fine. Just thinking is all.”

“Oh, ‘tis alright then. Are you certain you still want to help me? You did just wake up, after all.” She said, Cel shaking her head in the background.

“Now that I think about it, maybe it’s not such a great idea. Maybe tomorrow.” I said, shrugging.

“‘Tis an understandable decision. Would you accompany me to my chambers?”

“Of course, m’lady.” I said, cringing as I said that. “If I ever say ‘m’lady’ again, hit me.” I said to the two princesses.

“Understood.” They said simultaneously, looking at each other before giggling.

“Alright. Let’s get going, Luna.” I said, turning to Celestia and kissing her, “I’ll see you soon, dear. I still owe you that massage, maybe that’ll happen tonight, provided I don’t injure myself again, and if you’re on your best behaviour.” I whispered, biting the tip of her ear as I leaned back, jogging to Luna before throwing a wink back over my shoulder.

We stepped out of the dining hall, turning to the left, walking in silence before I heard Luna mumble something.

“What was that?”

“Us? I mean, Me? It was nothing.” She said, a faint blush barely visible against her midnight blue coat.

“What is it, Luna? Do you want me to carry you again? Sleep with you?” I said, chuckling.

“We… I enjoyed being carried. It reminded us of years ago, as a foal.”

“Oh, well in that case…” I trailed off, grunting as I bent down and lifted her. She squirmed a bit in my hold, getting comfortable before releasing a satisfied coo.

“You must be quite strong, considering some minotaurs have had trouble lifting me.”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “And why would minotaurs be trying to lift you in the first place, Luna?”

“Minotaurs are a very strength based race, and if someone were to challenge another to lift something, or in several cases, somepony, they would be ashamed to admit they couldn’t, so they would pick up ponies to show their strength.” She said, nuzzling my arm.

“Well… I’m not really weak. Back at home I tried to visit the gym at least once a week, however that rarely happened.” I said, shaking my head slowly at the thought of home.

“Is… Is something wrong, Thaddeus?” She said, looking into my eyes with her large turquoise eyes.

“No, no. I’m fine, I kinda miss my home though. Miss my dog.” I said, smiling as thoughts of my dog ran through my head.

“We could get you a new dog.” She said, “Everyone in the royal family has a pet, and assuming you won’t be leaving anytime soon-- She glares at me --I’m certain it could be arranged to get you a pet of your own.”

“Maybe I’ll take you up on that, m’dear.” I said, inhaling sharply and staggering as I felt a hoof impact the side of my face.

“What the fuck was that for?” I yelled.

“You said to hit you if you said that again.” She responded innocently.

“No, I said hit me again if I said ‘m’lady’ again.” I said, rubbing my cheek on my shoulder.

“Oh, well then accept my apologies.” She said, leaning up and kissing where she impacted, causing a blush to spring to life on my face.

“I-Uh, that wasn’t necessary, Luna. Let’s just agree that there’s going to be no hitting between us, yeah?” I said, nodding as she nodded. “Excellent.”

Take a right here.

“Thanks.” I thought.

It’s why I’m here.

“That’s not true. But I can’t think right now, y’know, I heard blunt force impact impairs that.” I thought, chuckling.

You have no internal damage, although you might have a bruise. Want me to heal that?

“Nah, save the energy. I can’t feel it.” I thought, arriving in front of Luna’s door.

“We’re here, Luna.” I said to the mare, who was currently falling asleep in my arms.

“How art thou so warm?” She mumbled, looking at me expectantly.

“Evolution.” I said simply, using the heel of my shoe to unlatch the door, hopping back on one foot before staggering and falling onto my ass, gasping for breath as Luna’s full weight landed on my chest.

“Are all my ribs intact?” I thought, groaning.

Uh, yeah, but if you keep damaging them, they’ll break. And ribs are much harder to fix, and I’m still repairing your nose, which is a constant drain.

“Good point, how’s that coming along?” I thought.

It’s going, should be fixed by the end of the week. I could put a little more into it, but we would start losing too much energy, and it’s not easy to stop a dam once you let it go, so it would risk killing you. If your energy reserves ever deplete while something is using it, it will drain the next most potent form of energy, being your life force. You should probably get up.

“Valid point. Thanks, Sigma.”

No problem. Might I recommend that we go and train with our new weapons after we put this Looney mare to bed?

“Not a bad suggestion.”

Alright, I’ll do what I can about finding the training grounds

“You do that.”

I groaned, lifting Luna off of my chest, gasping greedily for air as the weight was removed from my chest, freeing up space.

“I have a feeling that I wasn’t lucky enough to leave my misfortune behind on Earth.” I sighed, groaning as I picked up Luna yet again, carrying her bridal style, before turning to sidestep through the door.

“Now arriving in Luna’s Bedchambers, make sure to take all your belongings.” I announced, chuckling.

“What?” Luna said.

“It’s… Nevermind, it’s an Earth thing.” I said, giving up on trying to explain my humour.

“Okay.” She said, squeaking as I heaved her onto the middle of her bed. I kneeled on the edge of the bed, brushing her mane back before kissing her forehead.

“Now go to sleep. You want to be good and rested for your first day of school tomorrow.”

“That sounds like something a father would say to his child… You do realize I’m thousands of years older than you, don’t you?” She said, looking up, expecting an answer.

“It’s… It’s a parent thing.” I said in a depressed tone.

“A parent thing… Thaddeus, you weren’t a father, were you?”

“Not a biological father… Just a stand in, I guess.” I said, sitting back down, figuring I was going to have to explain myself.

“A… A stand in?”

“I was in highschool at the time, I had something going on with this one girl throughout the year, but it was never anything serious. One day she came to me, claiming she was pregnant, and I turned and ran. I was too young, this was too soon. So I ran from it. I ignored her whenever she tried to talk to me. And then 9 months later, she wouldn’t stop calling, so I finally answered. And she said that she was in labour, and I wasn’t sure what to do, so I took my dads car and drove to the hospital.” I took a shaky breath, tears rolling down my face.

“I was only 15, nearly 16, so I took the car and drove it there illegally. I arrived, and sat in the waiting room for hours. Finally, at 5:30 they came out, saying I could see the child now. I had jumped up, wanting to run down the hall. After calming myself, I walked down with the doctor.
‘This isn’t my kid, this isn’t my kid’ I kept thinking to myself. As soon as I saw the kid, I knew that it wasn’t mine. There were no similarities, but I knew who he did have a similarity to. Some deadbeat kid at our school. Probably turned her away as soon as she said that she was pregnant. I knew it wasn’t my kid, and I resented her for a long time for not telling me what had happened.” I stopped, sobbing.

“She asked me what I thought we should name it, and I said ‘I don’t care’. I will never forget the look she gave me, it was one of betrayal, hurt. But I didn’t care, not at that point. But I knew she wouldn’t be able to support the kid on her own, so the next day I applied at a store nearby, and I got the job. I started working part time afterschool, just to support this kid. Buy her diapers, buy her this, buy her that. I hated it. Every day I asked myself the same question. ‘Why? Why am I working for her? It’s not my kid, it has no resemblance of me at all. His eye colour isn’t even the same as mine or hers, but I know who’s eye colour he does have.” I stopped, unclenching my fists before continuing.

“I worked myself to the bone, every day for four years. I had no time to myself, only to work and school. I couldn’t tell my parents that I was working, or else they’d make me pay rent. And I couldn’t tell them I had a child, or else I’d be out of home too. So I kept everything under wraps, making sure I tied up anything that could come and bite me in the ass. I was visiting her every day, just to play with him. I had no attachment to her, only to Nathan. I bathed him, changed his diaper when I was there. I made sure he had food, every day for four years. I drove him to preschool. I grew to love him like my own flesh and blood. For four years I took care of him, and then him and his mom,” I spat out, grimacing, “ just fucking up and left. I had no idea where she went, I called every day. Every fucking day for a month. She just fucking vanished. She didn’t come to school. She wasn’t anywhere. She wasn’t at her house. So I gave up. I gave her fucking everything. I gave up my personal life, dealt with the rumours floating around, and she couldn’t tell me that she was fucking leaving. I wanted to kill her, just watch the life drain from her face. If I ever ran into her again, I swore I would kill her right then and there.” I turned and looked at Luna, seeing the terrified look on her face.

“Sorry. Anyway, I started thinking rationally, and I just gave up on her. I missed the kid dearly. I loved him like my own flesh and blood, even though I knew he wasn’t my kid. But I hated her. But I calmed down, and decided I wouldn’t kill her. Just use a whole lot of choice words. Loudly.” That was 2 months ago.” I sighed, letting the tears flow. “So to answer your question, I guess I was a father.” I felt a shuffling on the bed, turning to see Luna with her forehooves outstretched. I laid down beside her, hugging her tightly.

“We had no idea.”

Neither did I.
“You had no way of knowing.” I said.

“Yeah, well I tried to forget.” I thought.

Sigma decided to keep quiet, I was glad for the silence, just the breathing of Luna and her hallway chariot.

I tried to sit up, finding myself getting pulled closer by a now sleeping Luna. I struggled for a bit before remembering a weak spot of these crazy ponies. I reached up and scratched behind her ear slowly, eliciting a slight moan of something, before speeding up, Luna reached her hooves up, trying to get my hand to stopped bothering her, allowing me to quickly roll out of her reach… And right onto the floor. It hurt less than I had expected, allowing me to recover quickly and get out of the room.

I stepped into the hall, cracking my neck.

“Did you find out where the training courtyard is?”

I’ve known for a while now, I just figured I would let you vent on Luna for a while.

“Good idea. It feels good to have that off my chest.” I said out loud, much easier than saying it in my head.

It’s not good to bottle your feelings up.

“I know, Sigma. You’re my Artificial Intelligence, not my life coach, god damn it.”

Can’t I be both?

“‘Tis depends, are you going to continue telling me stuff I already know?”

Uh, probably.

“Then no.”

Damn.

“Now lead the way to the courtyard, I want to hit some things.”

Alright… It’s straight ahead. We’ve passed it twice in the the past 20 hours.

“Really now?”

Yep.

I walked down the hall, before breaking into a run.

“I love running.”

I’ve noticed.

“You’ve been getting very punctual, Sigma. Something bothering you?”

Your child story. I’m trying to figure out why I couldn’t find it.

“Like I said, I tried to forget it.”

But I have access to everything.

“Even my, uh, first time?”

Yep.

“Alright, it’s one memory out of all of them. It was a depressing experience. Maybe emotionally traumatic experiences are held under lock and key. Can we just drop it?” I said, a fire of rage burning in my gut as I rounded the corner, seeing a door leading to outside.

“How do I get my weapons?” I growled.

I-Uh-One moment. There you go.

“Thanks.” I growled again, an intense urge to fight rising in my chest as I shoved the door open, I ran down the stairs, excited to be outside for the first time in three days.

“Well well well, if it isn’t the castles newest resident pet.” I heard a pony say from my left, my head snapped towards the source of the voice.

“What?” I growled loudly.

“You heard me, monkey.” He said, his compatriots laughing, “You been getting nice and cozy with Princess Celestia. I heard you have a bed in the corner of her room.” His friends laughing.

“Keyword being ‘cozy’. How do you think she’d react to her new ‘pet’ getting harassed, huh?” I said, trying to avoid a fight.

“Oh, he’s a snitch. Not sure about your monkey village, but around here, snitches get stitches.” He said, looking back at his crowd that he’d gathered.

“I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but my dog was bigger than you. And if you want to give me stitches, you’re free to try. How about we take this over there, in the sparring ring?” I said, pulling my sword out before stabbing it into the ground, creating a small ring of dust and pebbles to puff up.

“Any chance you could get the hammer out here? I’d prefer to not have to end this with conflict. I’d much rather inspire enough fear to stop this from turning into a fight.” I thought, chuckling as the swords handle extended, the end rising out of the ground and turning into a blunt head. I hefted it over my shoulder. It may not weigh that much, but it’s still quite a heft.

“Still want to go?” I said, chuckling at the fear on his friends faces. But this fool stood tall, challenging me.

“Yeah, let’s go.” He said.

“I’d like my sword back now, since this is turning into a fight. But could you dull the edges, so it can only cause bruises?” I thought.

It’ll take a bit of energy.

“Will I still be able to walk?”

Yeah, with a bit to spare.

“Then do it.” I thought, watching as the hammer’s handle shrunk down into a hilt, the head turning into a long blade. “Thanks.” I thought.

Yep.

“Are you still looking into why you couldn’t find the child memory?”

Maybe?

“Fine, do what you want. Just make sure it doesn’t interfere with… nevermind.”

“Hey, we’re using sparring swords!”

“Those tiny things? Come on. My sword is pretty much a sparring blade anyway. It’s not even sharp enough to cut butter.” I said, holding my blade out, “Come on, touch it.” I said, running my hand down the blade. “Come on. Are you scared? It’s not too late to back down.”

He stepped forward, running his hoof down the edge. “That is pretty blunt. Missing an enchantment though.” He nodded his head to one of his co-workers, who came up and cast a spell on both our blades. “Numbing agent. Numbs any limb on contact.”

“Alright, pretty boy, let’s dance.” I said, turning and walking to my side of the ring, him walking to his side, with his co-workers gathering around. He levitated his sword above him, meeting mine in the middle before it returned to him as we circled each other, each of us throwing taunts.

“Come on, monkey, I’ll even give you a free hit.”

“No, I have some sort of honour, unlike you. Your significant other is a nice mare, inside and out.”

“Yeah, how was it being sub to something less than half your height?”

I lunged forward, thrusting towards his chest.

“Like you said, less than half my height. Pretty hard for someone to be dom over someone a foot taller than them, nevermind three feet.”

He jumped forward, slashing back and forth before the sword disappeared, I heard a pop over my shoulder before I felt my sword arm go numb. My sword fell to the ground, disappearing and appearing at my hip in its sheath.

“What are you going to do now, monkey?” He yelled, his friends cheering.

I dodged a slash at my chest and rolled forward, grabbing the underside as his armour and using my momentum to flip him, positioning myself on his barrel and raising my fist above my head.

“Monkeys don’t usually use swords, asshole. Now give me one good reason to not knock you out cold.” I growled, slapping his helmet off of him.

“It… It wouldn’t look good for the princess?”

“Not good enough,-- I feigned a punch --I could just explain what happened. You have 3 seconds.” I growled.

“I-Uh-I… I DON’T HAVE A REASON!” he screamed.

“Good.” I said, bringing my hand down before stopping it just before his face. “Now, get your ass off the ground.” I growled, standing up and towering over him. I walked to the middle, pulling my sword back out of it’s sheath and spinning in a slow circle.
“ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!?” I yelled to the crowd that had gathered. I heard a clapping noise, turning to the noise to find a large pony leaning on a training dummy, slow clapping me, who was also accompanied by a small purple unicorn.

“YOU!” I roared, “YOU SEEM TO THINK YOU’RE A CHALLENGE?”

“I don’t think I’m anything,” He said calmly, “I know I am.” The purple unicorn tugged on his armour, whispering something in his ear, before he shook his head.

“I am the Captain of the Solar Guard. I have nothing to fear of you, monkey.” He added emphasis on monkey, knowing it would piss me off.

I threw my sword straight down, where the force buried it hilt deep. “I SWEAR ON MY LIFE, THE NEXT PERSON WHO CALLS ME A MONKEY IS GOING TO BE EATING THROUGH A STRAW!” I roared.

“Alright, monkey, let’s fight.”

“How many times can I use displace?” I thought, formulating a plan.

About three times, provided they aren’t back to back, and if I stop the healing of your nose.

“Do it, I want to set an example.” I thought.

Done.

“Thank ya’ kindly, darlin’.” I thought

Mm.

I turned my focus back to the white unicorn.

“Come over here, then.” I yelled. There was a flash, and suddenly he was in the ring, lifting the sword from his fallen comrade.

“So, you’re Celestia’s new pet that I’ve been hearing so much about.”

“Are pets around here usually sentient?”

“Well, no.”

“I figured as much, now put your money where your mouth is, and ATTACK ME! I roared, pounding my chest.

He saw his opening and he took it, what he didn’t expect was me to disappear and reappear in front of him.

“Hi, honey. I’m home.” I said in a cheery voice before flicking the tip of his horn. From my experiences with Cel’s horn, it could be a very pleasurable thing, or a very painful thing. Turns out, flicking it is painful. I heard the wooden sparring sword hit the dirt behind me while I grabbed onto the collar of his armour, throwing him on his back and into the dirt. I jumped onto his chest, the same way I did the previous contender, and hit his armour, bending it and causing a bit of pain to him.

“Now, I could break your jaw right now, but I don’t want to do that, and I’m certain you don’t want that. I also want a longer fight, so if you can teleport, I’d suggest you do that now.” I said, rolling away. I turned and crouched, reaching back and taking off my shoes and socks, glancing back to make sure I wasn’t about to be attacked.

“How’s your horn doing, hun? Do you need me to apply cream for you?” I taunted reaching one arm up to the back of my shirt, grabbing the collar and throwing it with my shoes, circling him, placing one foot over the other.

“What are you now, a spider?” He counter taunted.

“Huh, I figured some big military guy like you would know of something like this.” I said “Maybe you should get purple over there to fill you in.” I chuckled.

“He’s lowering his center of mass!” I heard a female voice yell over the roar of the other guards, presumably purple.

“She has a name, y’know.”

“I would imagine you both do, all of you do. You can tell me later, when we go out for drinks.” I said, chuckling “You’re buying.”

“Tell you what, I win, you buy drinks.-- I cut him off.

“Actually, I’m not. I just arrived three days ago. I don’t have money.”

“Alright, I win, I’ll figure out what you have to do later. You win, I’ll buy the first five rounds.” He said, reaching a hoof to center, where I grabbed it and shook.

“Fair enough.” I said, lunging at him from across the sparring area, grabbing his neck and wrapping my legs around his barrel. “I would love to keep this going for longer, but I’m kinda looking forward to seeing Cel in a bit. So, here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to take a dive for you, because I know how it feels to be embarrassed in front of family members. It’s a pretty shitty feeling, isn’t it?” I whispered, chuckling at his attempt to nod while I had him in a sleeper hold. “Alright, here’s how it’s gonna go. I’m gonna let go, jump up, and yell ‘Is that all you got?’ while turning in a circle. When my back is towards you, pick up your sword and hit me in the neck. I’ll go down like a sack of potatoes.” I whispered in his ear, waiting for a nod from his white, going blue face. He nodded rapidly, kicking his hooves in the air. I unwrapped my legs from his barrel, pushing off before quickly getting up.

“IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?” I said, turning a slow circle and bracing for the impact of the blade. I felt the blade hit my neck and I lost feeling to everything below it, collapsing from the sudden lack of feeling in my legs. I heard a spell being charged, and I could feel everything again.

“It would have worn off soon, but I’d prefer to say thanks face to face, not face to back.” I heard him say as I rolled over. He extended his hoof as the ring broke up, helping me back to my feet. “Names Shining Armour, Captain of the Solar Guard.”

I nodded, “Thaddeus Quinn, Princess Celestia’s… pet.” I said, covering for the secret I just about spilled.

“I already know. My fiancè already told me about you and her.” He said, chuckling. “Speaking of which, isn’t that her?” He nodded towards the stairs from whence I had come, and sure enough, my new girlfriend was standing. I groaned.

“You win some, you lose some.” I said, shaking my head slowly. “Who’s your wife-to-be?”

He nodded to the pink alicorn joining my girlfriend on the steps. “That one.”

I looked over, blinked a couple times, and looked back, “She looks young...er than Celestia. Either way, nice catch.” I said, holding my fist out, which he bumped.

“Yeah. But you have Celestia. She is the very definition of beauty to this nation.”

“I… I guess, but she’s younger than Cel. What’s her name, by the way?” I said.

“Oh, she’s Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, but she prefers Cadence or Princess Cadence.”

“Mi… Amore. On my world, Mi Amore is my love in another language.”

“Well, she is the Princess of Love. That’s one hell of a coincidence though.” He said, chuckling.

Our two mares were talking in between themselves, laughing occasionally. We started the trek towards them, weaving in between the guards. We arrived in front of them, Shining kissing his wife-to-be, while I went to step beside Cel, suddenly being pulled into a kiss.

“I thought we were keeping it on the down low?” I said as we broke apart.

“What’s the point of being in a relationship if no one knows?” She said, creating a valid point that I wasn’t going to bother arguing, instead choosing to shrug. I tried to lift my shirt up to dry my face of sweat, before realizing that it was sitting beside the sparring ring. I turned back to Celestia to see her eying my body hungrily.

“What am I, Just a piece of meat to you?” I said.

She snapped out of her stupor, “Sorry, the smell was intoxicating.”

I bopped her nose, kissing her lightly, “I was kidding, love. I’ll be right back.” I said, hopping onto the railing and running along it, before jumping off and running across the training courtyard, retrieving my shirt, socks, and shoes, jumping over a couple ponies on the way back.

“It’s lunch time now.” Cel announced to the three other ponies and one human present, turning and opening the door, gesturing for everyone to file through. I walked ahead, leaning on the door and gesturing for Cel to go through, as she went through, I slapped her sun, causing everyone to turn around as Cel jumped.

“What? Hold the door for a lady, and slap her ass on the way through. That’s the gentleman’s way.” I said, Shining and me laughing before our significant others shot us glares, although Celestia’s was more a “You’ll pay for that” glare than a mad one.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way, love.” I whispered into Cel’s ear, biting the tip as I leaned back. I threw my arm across Cel’s withers, leaning on her ever so slightly as we walked, our troop of five. Purple, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, Shining Armour, Princess Celestia, and me. I leaned forward, tapping Purple on the back in an attempt to get her attention, which worked. She jumped before looking over her shoulder. I gave a small wave.

“Hi.” I said.

“Oh, hi!” She said, slowing down until she was beside me.

“How goes it?” I said, making conversation.

“It goes, if finding out your brother couldn’t tell you that he was getting married personally counts as goes.” She said, glaring at her brother, “And yourself?”

“Eh, I’ve been better… Who am I kidding, these past three days have been the best days in the past couple months.” I said, smiling, “And if it makes you feel any better, I wasn’t even invited to my sisters wedding. I came home and no one was home, just a note saying everyone else was at a wedding, which I later found out was my sisters. By the way, I never caught your name.”

She jumped, “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m Twilight Sparkle.” She said, stopping and bowing.

“I-Uh-What?” I stammered, confused.

“I figured that since you and Princess-- I cut her off.

“Uh, no. If Cel and I were married, that would be different story. Even then, I wouldn’t want anyone to bow to me anyway.” I said, shaking my head, “So no bowing. Not until me and this mare-- I stopped, kissing Cel, -- are married. Even then, I’d prefer that you wouldn’t bow.” I said, flinching as I felt something flick me in the back of the neck, I turned to the culprit, “What was that for?” I said, glaring at Cel.

“What’s her name?” She said.

“Uh, Twilight Sparkle. Why?” I responded.

“And what’s your name?” She whispered in my ear.

“Cel, you know god damn we- Oh, whoops.” I said, turning back to Twilight.

“Sorry, my name is Thaddeus Quinn.” I said, a sheepish smile placing itself on my face.

“It’s alright.” She giggled, before a serious look took her face, “But in all seriousness, can I--” I cut her off again.

“If any of the next words are research, examine, or study, and slash or any synonyms, the answer is no.” I said.

“But--”

“Here, I’ll cut you a deal. If you can promise me that if I say stop, you will, and that I won’t be bound to a table, I’ll do it.” I said, extending my hand, “Deal?”

“Deal!” She exclaimed, placing her hoof in my palm and shaking it.

“Oh, and my underwear stay on.” I added.

“But how will I study…” She trailed off, blushing. “Yeah, I think I can deal with that.” She said.

I felt someones breath on my ear, before a whisper, “I hope that rule doesn’t apply to our study session later.” Cel said.

I turned my head, “Provided you’re a good mare for the rest of the day, I don’t think that should be a problem.” I whispered, kissing her cheek before her head whipped around, pulling me closer with her magic and kissing me.

“I’m always a good mare. You’ll be seeing my bad mare side later tonight.”

“I can’t wait.” I said, throwing my arm over her back again.

We arrived outside of the dining hall, I quickly pulled my arm back to my side as I saw the guards before feeling Celestia’s magic tug it back up and onto her back.

“What’s the point of having a relationship if no one knows?” Cel said, smirking.

The guards opened the door, our troop of five filing into the room, only to be greeted by five more ponies and a bipedal, so I decided to liven up the place a bit. I grabbed Twilight. “I HAVE A HOSTAGE!” I yelled to the room, the guards outside looked in before remembering the earlier fiasco with Luna, and decided against action. Meanwhile, the five ponies jumped into action, each of them grabbing fruits from the bowl in front of them, readying them. Well, four of them readied themselves, one fainted, and the bipedal jumped onto the table.

“Release her!” The purple and green bipedal yelled. He looked like a lizard.

“What are you going to do about it, Spyro?” I yelled back, scratching behind Twilight’s ear to show her I was kidding, she squirmed in my grip. I yanked my sword out of its sheath, placing the dull edge in front of Twilight, not wanting to risk accidentally cutting her, even though the blade couldn’t cut shit.

“THIS!” he yelled, throwing the orange he was holding, which sailed through the air and hit the floor in front of Twilight, triggering all the others to start throwing their fruits. I started making my way to the table, the princesses and Shining had long since vacated the shooting gallery, so everything was free game, including Twilight. The orange mare who had dropped her hat kicked two fruits at me, both of which were speeding at me, before they hit my sword and split in two, shooting off up and down, one of them bouncing off of my forehead, and the other hitting just above my crotch.

“Sigma, I have made a horrible decision. Can I still use displace?” I thought, side stepping towards the table, hoping to find some sort of cover.

Yeah, you can use it the remaining two times from the fight.

“Excellent, I’m going to throw my sword on the table. Make sure it doesn’t return to me.” I thought, smirking.

Got it, where to?

“The furthest chair you can get me to.” I thought, feeling myself popping up behind a chair next to Cadence. “Hi. Keep this safe for me.” I said, throwing my sword onto the table. “Now, get me behind Cel’s chair.” I thought, popping up behind Celestia before standing up and leaning over the back of the chair.

“Hi, hun. Could you get me a chair?” I said, kissing her as my chair popped up beside hers. I hopped over the back of it, sitting down as the blue one went to investigate my sword. I leaned over and kissed Celestia again, “You’re a life saver. What would I do without you?” I said, laughing loudly, giving away my position.

“Probably get barraged with fruits.” She said, giggling.

“Princess! Get away from him! He’s dangerous!” The blue one yelled, flying above the table as she held up an orange.

I glanced around, looking at Celestia, then Twilight, then Shining Armour. And then we all burst out laughing. Shining was the first to recover enough to talk.

“Hi-im? Da-angerous to his n-new marefriend? That’s a good one.” He said, laughing.

“I me-an, he has a b-roken nose.” Said Celestia.

The three of us stopped laughing. Shining was the first to break out of the shock.

“Your nose is broken? Generally that makes ponies ugly.” He said, chuckling a bit.

“Yeah, I broke it on the floor. Ended up sneezing blood all over Luna.” I said, glancing around at everyone’s gasps. “Calm down. You’re acting like I killed someone.”

“Yeah, yourself.” The blue one said, still holding her fruit above her head, prepared to throw it if I tried anything.

“I’m still around, aren’t I?” I said, patting myself, “Yeah, I feel pretty solid. Plus, I don’t think Celestia would let her kill me.” I said, everyone chuckling and returning the fruits to the bowl, taking their seats.

“I’m presuming everyone knows everyone here, except for me. So, I am Thaddeus Quinn. Equestria’s resident alien.” I said, pushing my chair back and walking towards the group of seven, Twilight recently joining them. I reached the orange mare first, she took off her hat and stood up, lowering herself into a bow. I bent down, lifting her chin to face me, before I picked her up, holding her like a baby.

“Let this be an example for the other five of you. The next pony who bows is going to get manhandled.” I said, chuckling at blue’s reaction as I set the orange pony back on her hooves. I held out my hand, orange placed her hoof in my hand, shaking it.

“Applejack.”

“Thaddeus. Pleasure to meetcha’.”

“Ah’d say the same.”

I stood up, walking to the next chair, where a white unicorn was seated. I held out a hand, which she placed her hoof in lightly.

“Rarity.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Rarity. I am Thaddeus.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you as well…” She trailed off.

I ignored it, walking over to the pink pony. Holding out my hand, she took it and shoot heartily.

“Pinkie Pie!” She said loudly, pulling a card from her mane.

“Thaddeus. I have a feeling you have thing for parties.” I said, noting the balloons on her thigh.

She gasped, “Are you a mind reader?” She said in a hushed whisper.

“I am a lot of things, but a mind reader is not one of them.” I said, “And before you ask, No, I don’t really want a party.” I said, watching her mane deflate. “However, if you promise it’ll be a small party, then I’ll allow it.” I finished, watching her spring into the air and try to dart off, before a lasso wrapped around her tail, pulling her back down into her chair.

“Woah, Nelly. We still gotta prepare for the weddin’.” Applejack said.

“Yes, darling.” Said Rarity.

“Oh yeah. Your party is going to have to wait.” She said, but it was out of my mind in an instant, as I turned and looked at Shining and his wife-to-be. I picked up an apple from the fruit bowl, examining it before taking a bite out of it.

“Shining, you’re lucky that this apple looks so delicious, and that Celestia would probably kill me if I attacked you. Otherwise, you’d be dodging fruits all the way out the door. You didn’t tell me that you were getting married, first, here, and second, soon.” I took another bite out of the apple, waiting for a response.

“It… It never came up?” He said, looking to Celestia for help.

“She’s not going to help you unless I attack you. And Princess Mi Amore Cadenza looks like she’s enjoying this, so you’re on your own, bub.” I said, taking a large bite out of the apple before moving on to the next mare.

“Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in Equestria.” Boasted, completely ignoring my hand and flying up, doing a little loop de loop.

“Thaddeus Quinn, consort of Princess Celestia.” I said, laughing as she choked a bit.

Bet she’s the fastest ride as well.

I chuckled, Moving onto the yellow pegasus beside her, who cowered behind her mane as I bent down.

“What’s your name?” I said, placing my hand on the top of the chair.

“Fluttershy” She squeaked out, trying to make herself as small as she could.

I barely caught what she said, “Flutter… Shy?” I questioned.

She nodded her head, peeking out from behind her mane.

“I’m Thaddeus.” I said, pulling myself up.

“And last but not least, the lizard.” I mumbled, walking over to the biped. The only thing in the room with hands, or claws.

I bent down, taking a knee and holding out my hand, which he placed his tiny claw inside, which I shook.

“Spike, Twilight’s number one assistant.” He said.

“Thaddeus, Princess Celestia’s number one ‘assistant’.” I said, adding air quotes around assistant.

He dug his claw into my palm, my face contorting in pain.

“If you ever pull anything like that again with Twilight or any of her friends, especially Rarity, you’ll find out what dragonfire feels like.” He said.

I noted the fact that he mentioned Rarity’s name specifically. “Does someone have a little crush?” I said, punching his shoulder lightly. His face went red as his cheeks bulged, exhaling a plume of green fire, singing the tips of my hair. Everyone gasped.

“SPIKE!” Twilight yelled, grabbing him with her magic. I stood up quickly.

“No no no. Twilight, I’ll talk with him. Man to man.” I said, smiling as she wearily set him back down.

“Lookie here, Spike. I’m gonna tell you the same thing my father told me four years ago when I threatened to knock him on his ass. He said to me, and I quote ‘Boy, if you’re gonna’ start throwin’ threats like that around, you best put your money where your mouth is and go through with it, cause once a fight starts, there ain’t no stopping it until someone’s beat.’” I said, shaking my head, “That was one of the scariest moments of my life. I thought he was going to beat the living shit out of me. That man is who made me the man I am today.”

“Sounds like it.” Spike said, looking at my palm where he dug his claw in, only to find no sign of damage. “Wha? I know I cut you, where’s the blood?”

“It’s a secret to everybody.” I stated simply, standing and walking to Twilight.

I held out my hand, she placed her hoof in it in confusion. I bent down and brought my mouth to her ear. “Thanks for playing along.” I whispered.

“Truthfully, I wasn’t playing along. I thought you had lost it until you scratched behind my ear.” She chuckled nervously, “What did you say to Spike?”

“You can ask him if you want to, but I personally believe things said between men should stay between men.” I said, standing up and ruffling her mane, “But if he doesn’t think that, I can’t do much to change that.” I said, satisfied with my answer, I walked back to Celestia.

“I think that went well. Don’t you, Cel?” I said, looking over my seven newest acquaintances. Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle, and Spike.

“It could have gone better, especially with Spike.” She said, glaring at me, “What did you even say to him?”

“I brought up his infatuation with Rarity.” I said, shrugging.

“Oh. I can imagine that might be a sensitive topic for him.” She said, clicking her tongue.

“Well, what can I say? He wanted to threaten me, so I chose something that seemed sensitive. Just like boss fights in video games, you look for the bright red spot, and you attack the shit out of it.” I said, shaking my head.

“I… I guess.” She said, “Don’t you want your sword back?”

I looked around the room, trying to locate where my sword was. I spotted it, Shining spinning it in his magic.

“Hey, Shining. Best be careful, wouldn’t want you hurting yourself, would we?” I said, distracting him long enough for the flat of the blade to hit him on the side of his muzzle, making me and Cel laugh.

“I warned you. Now give me Whiskey back.” I said, deciding to designate my sword Whiskey. “Speaking of which, do we have whiskey here?” I said, turning to my marefriend.

“You mean the alcoholic drink? Yeah, we have some stored for when the minotaur ambassadors visit. they refuse to drink anything but whiskey. Why?”

“I much prefer whiskey over any other alcoholic drink. It’s much more potent than any other liquors I’ve drunk, and I can’t stand the taste of wine in large quantities. I can drink it, but I much prefer whiskey.” I said, presuming my explanation was adequate, I turned back to Shining who was playing with my sword again. “Shining, give me my blade.” I said, glaring at him. “Twilight, can you toss me an apple?” I said, catching it and raising it above my head, laughing as he threw my sword to me, blade first to be an ass. Celestia caught it, placing it in the sheath.

“Thanks, hun.” I said, kissing her cheek.

“No worries, love.” She said, placing her hoof on my cheek before pulling me into a kiss, stealing my apple in the process. “Thanks.” She said, taking a bite out of it before placing it on the table. “So, is everyone ready for lunch?” She said, ringing a bell in the middle of the table. Moments later, the doors were opened, allowing four ponies to come in, each pushing carts full of food, a unicorn followed, standing at the other end of the table and pulling everything off of the carts and placing it on the table. There was sandwiches, salads, beans, all sorts of foods. I saw familiar looking sandwiches, what looked to be Peanut butter and jam. I fucking love peanut butter and jam, and I would be getting some protein. It was a win win, and I didn’t have to eat meat.

You’re definitely going to be eating something for dessert after dinner, you sly dog.

I chuckled at Sigma, she had a point. ‘Twas going to be a fun filled night, for the both of us, I hoped. I mean, compared to a horse, I ain’t got shit on anything.

*Ahem* Maybe I could be of assistance.

“Really now?” I thought.

Well, I can take mass from parts of your body and momentarily use it in other places… Cough penis cough. Sorry about that, something was stuck in my throat.

I chuckled, Celestia turning and looking at me, confused. “Nevermind, I’ll tell you later.”

“Proceed.” I thought.

So I can take muscle, from say your stomach. and move it to another area.

“I see. So you can use fat as well?” I thought, scratching my stubbly chin.

Well, yes. But fat is much more… flimsy, for lack of better word. Muscle is definitely the way to go.

“Understandable. Unfortunately, I don’t have fat nor muscle.”

Actually, you have quite a bit of muscle, especially in your legs. Could probably crack a coconut between those thighs. Anyway, you also have an adequate amount of muscle in terms of abs and biceps. Nothing to brag about, but it`ll come in handy. Anyway, I can take some muscle from your thighs, abs, biceps, and your calfs. Especially from your lower body, considering you have so much to spare.

“Alright, fair enough. How much will this drain my energy?” I thought, noting the bar had recharged much more than it should have. “Why has my energy gone up so much?” I thought, fidgeting with my fork.

I… I uh, may have forgotten to begin healing your nose again. It was placing a constant drain, so… yeah. Your energy regeneration should take half the time it would if you were healing. I’ll start the regeneration again.

“Alright. If it was causing me pain, I might have been mad, but, it wasn’t. So, you’re good… for now.” I thought.

Yessir.

I opened my eyes, “That’s not my dear.” I said, my face growing hot. “That’s his dear.” I said, pointing at Shining, who was trying, and failing to hold in his laughter.

“Yes, you’re right. That isn’t your dear. That’s his dear. I am your dear.” I heard Cel say from behind me, causing me to turn slowly, coming face to face with Cel.

“Yes, you’re correct on all three fronts, Cel. It’s almost like you’re a part of this relationship.” I said jokingly, watching her cheeks puff out before she let out a sigh.

I rotated in my seat yet again, turning to face Princess Cadence, “What was it you wanted?” I said, cracking my knuckles absently. I caught Shining glaring at me from the corner of my eye, but wrote it off as him being over-protective.

“I… Um… I forgot, give me a moment” She said, tapping a hoof on her chin, “AH! Yes, I would like to cordially invite you to our wedding!” the Princess exclaimed, running over and leaning on Shining.

“I’m grateful for the offer, I really am. But I don’t think the populace would react well if an unseen species decided to show up for a wedding, of royalty no less.” I said, pursing my lips.

“I… I see.” She said, lowering her head.

I turned to Cel, who stood up and walked over to Cadence, nuzzling her. A few quiet words were shared between the two before Cel returned to her chair, gesturing with her head towards Cadence.

“What?” I said, groaning as I was picked up in Cel’s magic, “Celestia, why isn’t there a law that you have to alert people before you pick them up. Seriously.”

“Well, because there have been no people to pick up before this past week.” She said, smirking.

“God damn it, Celestia. You know what I meant. How about the general population? Is that better?”

“I suppose it is, but nopony picks anypony up.”

“Celestia, what I’m trying to say is put me down for the love of god.” I said, growing tired of the games.

“Why didn’t you say so?” She said, releasing me from her magic.

I yelled as I fell onto the floor, a thump resounding throughout the dining hall. I groaned as I rolled on the floor for a moment, attempting to lift myself before hitting my head on the underside of the table.

“SWEET BABY JESUS IN A HANDBASKET!” I yelled, returning my body to the floor, “I’m gonna say this right now. Contrary to popular belief, I can be hurt. I am not a ragdoll. So for the LOVE OF GOD, stop treating me like one.” I said, the fire in my stomach being stoked yet again.

“What’s a ‘baby jesus in a handbasket’?” I heard Twilight say, “And who is ‘god’?”

“REALLY?!” I yelled from my position on the floor, noting the golden flash from my forehead. I propped myself up on my arms before grabbing the edge of the table and pulling myself to my feet. I stood up and plopped myself back in my chair, looking down at my empty plate. I felt like I was being picked up again, without the moving. I glared at Celestia.

“What do you want me to do?!” I said in a loud whisper.

“Go and apologize, or something… Make her feel better!” Cel responded in a hushed yell.

I looked around the room, trying to find who I should be apologizing to. I looked over at Shining, and then to his wife-to-be. I looked to Cel, gesturing my head towards Cadence.

“Mhmm.”

I stood from my seat, shaking my head slightly. I don’t see what I did wrong. I told her the truth of what would happen if I, the only resident human on this planet, decided it would be a fine idea to pop in to a wedding of royalty. They would lose their shit. I’m sure they would lose their shit if any other threat to the wedding was made as well.

You do realize that you have a pony form, right?

“Yeah, I’d like to save the energy, just in case something comes up, like a quickie in the custodian closet or something.” I thought, kneeling down beside Cadence’s chair.

“Hey, let’s just not get upset about this. It’s not you, it’s me. If I stand outside and listen, will that make you feel better?” I said, trying to negotiate my way out of going to the wedding and being filled with holes from magic. Not from the guards, but the unicorns. Considering the castle is run off the passive magic from the unicorns, I could only presume that they either create a metric fuck-ton of passive magic, or there was a metric shit-ton of unicorns. I was leaning towards the latter, if what I’ve seen in the courts is anything to go off of.

“Come on, you know I’m right about the civilians freaking out, I mean, Cel has had several nobles freak out about me being in the throne room. I don’t really want to be in a room with more than two or three of them at a time. Any more and I fear for my life.” I said, recalling a few isolated incidents with nobles and myself. I lost my chair once. An unfortunate incident. I almost lost my picture. It would have been an even more unfortunate incident if I had.

“I… I guess you are. Maybe if you stood outside of the door it would be fine.” She finally replied, glancing up.

Did you see that?

“See what?” I thought, standing up.

That… That green flash!

“I didn’t see shit. Maybe it was a trick of the light?” I thought.

Maybe. Keep an eye on her, just in case.

“I think you’re being a bit too protective.” I thought, returning to my seat.

I’m just saying, keep an eye on her.

I sat down, putting my hands to my head and leaning on the table before feeling something similar to a swat on my arm. I swiveled in my seat, turning to Celestia, who returned my look with one of innocence. I glared at her before looking at my empty plate. Looking up, I realized that everyone was already eating, leaving me to sit there.

“Thaddeus, are you going to eat?” Celestia asked.

“Nah, it’s alright,” I said, grabbing my side, “I’m trying to lose weight.”

Dude. Stop being a bitch and eat.

“Are you sure?” Cel asked, giving me a look as if to say ‘You don’t have a choice.’

“Uh… I guess I could eat. I’ll just have one of those sandwiches over there.” I said, pointing to the peanut butter and jam looking sandwiches, “Don’t want to fill up too much, gotta save room for dessert after dinner.”

“Of course.” She said, blushing a bit as she grabbed a sandwich in her magic.

“Hoooie! You’re in for a real treat there, pardner!” I heard Applejack say from the other side of the table.

“Oh, really? How so?” I responded, giving Cel a kiss.

“Well, my family an’ me make the apple jam that’s on that there sandwich.”

“Apple jam? Interesting. What makes it so good?” I said, pulling the bread up to investigate the jam.

“Well, our family’s been told by thousands o’ ponies that our jam is the best.” Applejack said, chuckling.

“So a census of sorts. Nevertheless, back on my world, we had all kinds of apples, Granny Smith, Fuji, Mcintosh, the list goes on. I’ve even had apples that tasted like grapes.” I said, scrunching my face at the thought of ‘Grapples’.

“W-Wait, didja jus’ say Granny Smith?”

“I did. Why?”

“That’s my granny’s name.” She said, chuckling a bit.

“Hm… odd. Ain’t that but a bitch.” I said, patting the bread back into place, before picking up a half and taking a bite.

“Huh. This isn’t half bad.” I said to no one in particular.

“Toldja so.” Applejack said, tipping her hat.

“I guess you did.” I said, taking another bite.

Everybody stood up from the table, breaking off, and I felt this overwhelming sadness come over me as we pulled off to go our separate paths so I ran to catch up with Cel, who was heading back to court.

“Hey.” I said, placing my hand on her withers.

“Hello, Thaddeus. How was your meal?” She said, nuzzling me.

“It was pretty good, and yours?”

“It was nice.” She said.

We fell into silence for a couple minutes, walking side by side. Eventually I slowed, falling behind Cel.

This is a bad idea.

“I know. When have I ever had a good one?” I thought

Well--

“Rhetorical question.” I accidentally said out loud, raising my hand, just as Cel turned.

“What are you…” She trailed off, looking at me with my arm raised behind her, “Don’t.” She said simply.

“Don’t what?” I said, staring her in the eye while holding my best poker face.

“You know what!” She said loudly.

“You’re right, I do know what. Sorry.” I said, my lips twitching as I tried my hardest not to smile. I raised my arm across my chest, backhanding her left thigh, causing her to yelp. I turned to bolt, getting about half a metre before being caught in her magic.

“Thaddeus!”

“You rang?” I said, smiling.

“I told you not to do that!”

“No, you told me not to slap your other thigh. So I backhanded your left one.” I said, grunting as I was pushed into the wall.

“Stop that!” She said loudly, moving closer.

I cocked my head, fighting against Cel’s magic to move my hands to her face.

“What are yo--” She started, getting cut off by my lips.

My backup plan worked, Cel returning the kiss tenfold. We must have looked like a couple horny teenagers, making out up against the lockers. I ran my hand along her soft fur, pulling her further into the kiss.

We broke apart, gazing into each others eyes for a while.

“You’re going to pay for that.” Cel stated simply.

“Forrr… What?” I said, confused.

“Well, for your little show in the dining hall, then you hurt my nieces feelings, then you hurt my rear, and then you kissed me to make sure you didn’t get in trouble.” She said, pecking me on the lips.

“You enjoyed that kiss every bit as much as I did, Cel. You can’t plant that one on me.” I said.

“I can, and I am.” She said, smirking.

“Fine, fine. Provided I am not bound, leashed, gagged, blue-balled, or hurt in any intentional way, then I accept your ‘Punishment’” I said, air quoting punishment.

VII

You let Celestia run off to court, leaving you, yourself, and Sigma alone to shoot the shit.

You should really consider getting a pet.

“Man, I miss my dog. The one at home.” I said, allowing myself to think out loud when nobody else was around.

The odds of us getting home are slim to none. Might as well start settling down here. I mean, come on. 3 days in and you have the epitome of beauty to this nation as your new girlfriend.

“I… I know. But from what I know about her, she’ll outlive me by a couple eternities. I’ll be nothing by that time. Not a thought.” I said, shuffling down the hall.

Dude, I doubt she’s just going to forget you. You’ll just have to make sure that your years with her are memorable.

“I… I suppose. What should we do now?” I said.

Well, we could go train some more, or we could wander around the castle and fill up the map. We could listen to music, we could go back to the room ‘n jerk it…

I choked on my spit.

Wait, that’s right. We have a pretty pony to do that for us. Anyway, we could play more of those stupid games on your phone, we could go piss off some guards, we could climb around. We can do any number of things, yet we’re wandering aimlessly.

“Yep. Fuck.” I said, spotting the guard that I had beaten earlier.

“HEY! MONKEY!” He yelled down the hall, walking towards me.

“HEY! FUCKNOZZLE!” I yelled back, placing my hand on the hilt of my sword.

We met in the middle, “You embarrassed me in front of all of the guard. You’re gonna pay for that, monkey.” He said, jabbing a hoof at me.

I turned to look at the two guards beside us, we were outside a side door to the throne room.

I pointed at one of the guards, “Hey, you. What are the odds that Celestia heard us yelling?”

He looked around, wondering if I was asking him, “M-Me? I would say a one in ten chance that she heard you.” He said, glancing at the door.

“And if we started fighting?” I asked, tapping my foot.

“I-I’d say a one in three chance.”

I turned back to fucknozzle, glaring at him, “I’m not really liking those chances, you? Didn’t think so, so how about you go that way, and I’ll continue going this way. Because if you ever threaten me again, you’ll be picking shards of glass out of your asshole.” I said, standing over him.

Fucknozzle just wouldn’t back down, “Buck you, I’ll take you on.”

“You want to fucking go, limp dick? Name a time and a place.”

“Sparring arena, with a twist.”

“Name it.”

“We use real weapons. That means real injuries.”

“If you want to go home carrying your own leg, that’s your choice.”

“The sparring rules state no killing.”

“Maiming is not killing.”

“Let’s go!” He demanded, stomping off towards the training yard.

I turned to the two guards, “Is he always such an asshole?”

They looked to each other and smirked, before nodding.

“Good to know.”

I turned and ran off after him, mentally planning.

This is a horrible idea.

“Who’d have guessed?” I said.

Well, me, those two guards, the princess.

“Yeah, yeah. Shut it.”

Jus’ doin’ my job, darlin’.

“Your job is to be badass, not coach my life. I know this is a horrible idea. I’m probably about to get stabbed.” I said, pushing the doors to the training yard open. Already a bunch of the guards were forming around the ring, although many stayed and continued training with others and the dummies.

At least you realize that this is your fault and your fault only.

“Come on, you have access to most of my brain, save a few things, but you don’t know my ethics? I always take responsibility.”

True. True enough, anyway.

I stepped through the crowd of ponies, placing myself across from my opponent.

“Oh! Look, that’s where you got thrown into the ground!” I said, pointing at a slight indent in the ground, “Good times. Hey, remember that time I beat your ass? That was fun.”

“ENOUGH! Let’s start this fight!” He yelled, unsheathing his sword. My sword remained in its sheath.

“Draw your sword!” He yelled.

“I thought you said real weapons?”

“This is a real weapon!”

“A real man fights with his fists.”

You’re fucking retarded, you know that? You’re going to get stabbed.

“I don’t doubt it. ‘S why I have you here.” I thought.

Yeah, yeah. Don’t get killed. Dickhead.

While the stun factor of refusing to fight with a sword set in, I jumped forward and punched him in the jaw. “Come on then. Have at you.” I said, jumping back. “Chicken! Chicken!” I yelled as we circled each other. He thrust his sword straight for my chest, forcing me to dodge. Instead of dodging to the side, I rolled forward, under the sword and punched him right in the chest. I pulled the rifle from my back and shot it in the air, scaring everyone before throwing it to the side and lunging, knocking him over in the process.

I sat on his barrel and started slamming into his face. “This is what happens when you threaten me!” I shouted.

He gained enough concentration to weakly lift his sword from it’s resting place in the dirt, driving it into my calf.

“FUUUUUUCCCCKKK!” I screamed as he slowly drove it into my calf. I fell backwards, ignoring the urge to cry as best I could. I grit my teeth and pushed myself back up to my knees.

“Fuck.” I said as I saw my opponent gain his bearings, the sword rising. This dude was not going to play by the rules. He was going to fucking kill me. Shit, this isn’t good. He pulled his blade back in his magic, thrusting it towards my throat. What he didn’t know, was that I had one last trick up my sleeve. I swung both my hands in front of me, placing my palms on both sides of the sword and pushed, my hands slowly sliding up the sword as the blade cut deeper and deeper into my palms. I ground my teeth together, bracing myself with my good leg as I felt myself moving backwards from the force of his magic on the blade. I looked my opponent in the eye, he had a demented smile on his face as my arms grew weaker, allowing his blade to inch closer to my throat.

“ENOUGH!” Someone boomed from my right… or my left, I couldn’t tell. Unilateral hearing loss and all. All I could tell was that it was one of the princesses. Or one loud motherfucker. I was leaning towards the former.

I felt the pressure coming from the blade disappear, allowing me to drop the sword and inspect my wounds. I had a deep, deep, deep wound in my leg, like… nearly bone deep. My hands had 4 cuts parallel with each other, from where the edges dug into my skin.

I fucking told you so, shithead.

“I was the one who said I was going to get stabbed.” I thought.

You’re still a shithead.

“Bite me.” I thought.

“Thaddeus! Are you alright?!” I heard Celestia cry out, running towards me.

My vision started to get hazy, slowly fading to black.

“Ju-ust… peachy.” I said as I collapsed.

My eyes shot open. I was standing in my sanctuary.

“Here we are again, not eight hours after the last time.” Sigma said, walking towards me.

“Heh, funny how life works, isn’t it?” I said, stepping off the pedestal and right into the back of Sigma’s hand.

“That was slightly uncalled for. But I’ll let it slide.” I said, rubbing my face.

“Excuse me? It was one hundred percent called for. You share this body now, you can’t go risking US for some silly honour.” She said, backing me into a corner.

“Couldn’t you just fly off and find some other host?” I asked, my palms flat against the wall I had been backed into.

“That’s not how it works, dipshit.”

“Okay, okay. Jeez, what’s up your ass? Whatever it is, it’s crooked.” I said, sidestepping from my position against the wall.

“Well, considering the fact that you risked our life for some bullshit, and considering we’re probably headed for the infirmary, I’d say I have a reason to be pissed off.”

“Hey, I never asked for you to be in this with me. Not that I’m saying that I don’t want you here. But I never asked to be… Here.” I said.

“I… I didn’t bring us here. I have no idea where we are. The nation we’re in is called Equestria, and it’s inhabited by sentient ponies. That’s all I know.” She said, turning around and walking to the map table, gesturing for me to follow.

“Yes?” I said, leaning on the table.

“Might as well do some geography while we’re here.” She said, leaning in on the table opposite of me.

“I guess.” I said.

Sigma pointed to several cities on the map. I could see several small towns that were scattered to and fro.

“Manehattan, Fillydelphia, Canterlot, and Ponyville. Oh! And Cloudsdale.” She said, pointing to the respective locations before pointing under a patch of clouds.

“Hum.” I said, leaning down to look under the clouds to find Cloudsdale. “Where’s Cloudsdale?” I asked, looking around the patch of clouds to find it.

“Don’t play dumb. It’s not under the clouds, it is the clouds.” Sigma said, drumming her fingers impatiently.

“What the fuck is this bullshit?” I said, brushing any wrinkles in my shirt out from bending around like that.

“Well, my guess is that it’s a city on the clouds.” She said.

“Thanks, Captain obvious.”

“No problem, Sergeant jackass.”

“I’m done questioning the logic of this world. What about the different places? What makes them special?”

“Absolutely nothing. They’re just hotspots and advanced areas of the world. Except for Ponyville. Twilight and her friends live in Ponyville, and if you remember, her and her friends are the Elements of Harmony.” She said, walking around the table.

“You’re a shit geography teacher.” I said, crossing my arms.

“Aww, thanks babe. Now get the fuck out.” She said, the sanctuary disappearing around me.

I opened my eyes and squinted a bit. I was staring directly at a light. A bright light at that. There was a doctor hovering over my face, looking into my mouth. He glanced up momentarily before looking back at my mouth and jumping back as he realized I was awake.

“Hi?” I said, waving my hand uncertainly.

The doctor seemed to calm down, straightening his jacket before walking back over to the bedside. “My apologies, lad. Ye just star’led me is all.” He said, a thick Scottish accent present.

“Aye. My apologies to ye.” I said, putting my best Scottish accent on, which in my opinion was pretty good.

“We’ll haf ta go oot for some drinks la’er, lad. Considerin’ we’re both from Sco’land.” He said, sitting down in a chair next to me. “Now, if you don’t mind answerin’ a few ques’ions, nothin’ too personal.”

I dropped the accent, “Alright, let’s roll.” I said, sitting up in the bed.

“A’right, Are you an omnivore?” He said, shifting in his chair.

“Yes.”

“What kind of meats do you eat?”

“Not ponies, if that’s what you’re asking. Mostly red meats, along with fish, and I can’t think of anymore.”

He seemed to calm down,leaning back in his chair. “Aye. Jus’ makin’ sure, lad. ‘S the end of ques’ions. You’re going to have to stay here for a coople of days.” He said, making his way towards the door.

“A couple of days? Fuck that.” I thought, testing the movement of my leg.

You really should stay here.

“For two days or more? Negative.” I thought, looking at my watch. It read one thirty. “We’ll blow this popsicle stand at eight. Cel should be getting out of court by then. Maybe quarter to eight. Then we can get there and surprise her when she comes in after court.” I said, planning my escape.

We really should stay here. They can provide healing. Just stay here.

“Fuck that.” I said, setting an alarm for seven thirty before closing my eyes.

I awoke to the obnoxious beeping of my watch in my ear. I grumbled and instinctively pressed the a button on the side of the watch, turning the alarm off. My watch was alarmingly loud for such a small piece of equipment. I groaned as I leaned against the headboard, or where the headboard would be if this was a normal bed. I popped my joints before pushing my legs over the bed.

Gently I lowered myself to the ground, expecting pain to shoot up my leg as I put weight on it. I stood up, and to my surprise, very little pain was present. I spotted a cane in the darkness, propped against the wall across from my bed. I slowly hobbled over, careful not to knock anything over. I suddenly realized there were pads on my chest that were connected to a machine. Of course, I only realized this as the cords connected to the pads snapped taut. I turned around just in time to see the heart rate monitor falling towards the ground. I jumped forwards, grabbing the edge of it.

The pain in my leg reached an all time high as I landed on it, along with the extra weight added from the heart rate monitor. I slowly lowered it to the ground, lowering myself with it to prevent the pads from ripping from my chest. I looked around for a plug before remembering that everything was run off of magic. I looked for a switch around the back and on the base. While I ran my hands and suggestively groped the heartbeat monitor, I noticed a part on the stand that wasn’t flush with everything else. I reached down, stretching myself to my limit trying to reach it. I found that I couldn't reach it without moving, so I inched closer, making sure that I didn’t disconnect the pad. I could feel the pad slowly tearing away as I made my way closer and closer. Finally, I was nearly close enough to press it. I leaned forward more, the pad finally giving up and leaving my chest for the neighbour. Suddenly a long tone filled the room for all of three seconds before I pressed the switch. I quickly got up and rapidly hobbled over to the cane, reaching it just as a nurse ran in. I was in much more pain now, so the cane was no longer a precaution, it was a necessity. The nurse gaped at the clusterfuck that was where I was supposed to remain. I shuffled slowly along the wall, working my way towards the door, which was slowly closing. The nurse began moving towards ground zero, allowing me a greater range of movement. I slipped through the door, quickly hobbling down the hall and around the corner before leaning on the wall, releasing a sigh of relief.

Go back.

“Yeah, not happening.” I said quietly.

Don’t expect any help then.

“Fine by me. They’re not going to question me walking around the halls, other than Celestia, but I plan to be in her bed before her.” I said, pushing away from the wall and starting off down the hall.

That sounded really creepy.

“Not surprised.” I thought, trying to recall the layout of the castle, with no luck.

Don’t you wish you had help?

“I kinda do. But since you’re not going to do that, I guess I’ll have to do it the man way.” I said, turning a corner.

Maybe I could be persuaded into helping you out.

“Oh? And how would I go about doing that?” I said.

Promise not to risk your life like that again. Ever.

“Is someone developing feelings for me or something?”

What the fuck are you on? No. We’re sharing this body. If you die, I die.

“Fair enough. But what if someone’s life is at risk? Then what?” I said, noting the lineup of nobles, signifying I was just outside of the courtroom.

God damn our chivalry. I… I suppose. Depends on the situation. What I’m getting at is, don’t risk your life unnecessarily. Got it?

“I… I guess I can deal with that.” I said quietly, making sure the nobles didn’t see hide nor tail of me, lest there be rumours of a monster in the castle.

Good. Turn right here.

I did as was instructed, turning right into some guards patrolling. I recognized one of them from the door earlier.

“Howdy.” I said, saluting.

“Hello, citizen. Move along.” He said, smiling a bit.

“Negative. I’m going to have to take you out for drinks one of these days. What’s your name?”

“Uh, the name’s Armoured Ward. I presume you’re Thaddeus.” He said, holding his hoof out, which I shook.

“The one and only.” I said.

“A pleasure. Although I have to ask, why would you salute me, when you’re of higher rank?”

“What? I’m not of higher rank.” I said.

“Well, you’re Princess Celestia’s consort, are you not?” He said, removing his helmet for a moment.

“I… I suppose I am. Nevertheless, I am not a higher rank than any of you, and I would not like to be treated as such. Tell your friends, your family. Wait, no. Just tell the guards.” I said, walking away as Armoured Ward put his helmet back on.

Making friends, I see. Good job, you’re making more of this life than you did back home.

I continued walking in silence, trying not to think of the things left behind.

Left.

I complied. The walk went on in a similar fashion, Sigma giving me directions, and I followed them. I arrived at the door to Cel’s room. I glanced around before pressing my hand to the handle and pushing. I got the door about an eighth of the way open before the door swung back at me.

“Motherfucker.” Sigma and I said simultaneously.

IX

At first contact, the fluids didn’t taste like much, but after a couple greedy laps the familiar taste of nine volt batteries and pennies bombarded my taste buds, making me cringe slightly, before switching to her clit.

“O-Oh my sun! Thou art amazing!” Cel shouted, switching to ye olde english.

I internally smirked at the compliment, switching between lapping at her flower and her clit, causing Cel to release moans, which vibrated on my cock, causing me to groan in satisfaction. “Oh my god Cel, you’re amazing at this.” I moaned, taking a moment to catch my breath before diving back in, following the same pattern as before.

Suddenly the sensation on my member stopped.

“Well, we do rightly believe that thou art clean. Would thou like to move this… act to our bedchambers?” Cel said, keeping the ye olde english language.

“I suppose so.” I said as Cel climbed off of me.

“Wonderful. Let us assist thou.” She said, helping me up with her magic.

“Hey, Cel, what’s up with the ye olde english?”

“What is up with the- she clears her throat - Oh, my apologies, Thaddeus. Sometimes we forget that the language has changed.” She explained, smiling softly

“Ah, fair enough.” I said, carefully stepping out of the shower, because knowing my fucking luck I would slip and split my skull open too.

I grabbed a towel from nearby and started drying myself, which Celestia was almost done doing.

I finished up, discarding the towel into the laundry hamper and following Cel out of the bathroom.I rounded the corner to find Cel digging through her bedside table drawer, pulling out candles once she found them with her magic. I walked alongside her, running my hand along her back before gently rubbing her flower, making her tense up.

“C-can I help you?” I heard her mumble.

“Mmmm, perhaps.” I replied, slowly working my finger up and down.

“With?”

I walked to her side, preparing to heft her onto the bed.

“What are you doing?” She asked, turning her head to face me.

“Nothing important, citizen. Carry on.” I said, moving my arms under her barrel and placing my hands on top.

“Liar.” She hissed just moments before I carried out my plan.

I stood up, lifting her, which for whatever reason caused her to roll onto her back, which helped me immensely. Stepping forward, I put a knee on the bed and leaned forward, dropping her near the middle.

“What are you doing?” She asked as I crawled on top of her.

“Like I said, citizen, nothing important.” I said, planting a kiss on her nose, and then on her mouth.

Slowly, I started working my way down her body and noting the reactions when I kissed certain areas, starting with a couple kisses on the neck, then the chest, then I reached the stomach. Smiling, I ran my tongue up her stomach, causing her to inhale sharply. I continued kissing my way down her body, finally planting a kiss on her flower. I moved my hands from her thighs down to her rear and spread her vagina, and with that I started greedily lapping, the taste of nine volt batteries and pennies bombarding my taste buds.

I decided to take it a step further, moving my hand in to the folds, I stopped licking and started sliding my finger up and down, tickling the clit every once in awhile. Smirking, I found the vaginal opening and slowly penetrated it with my finger, stopping when I heard a hiss.

“Oh god, did I hurt you?!” I said, worry setting in.

“No! No, it’s fine! Just… it’s been awhile since anything has been in there. Just be gentle.” Cel said, smiling down at me.

“Are you sure? I can stop if you want.” I said, slowly removing my finger only for it to be stopped by a gold aura.

“No! It’s fine, just be gentle.”

“Alright.” I said, taking a shaky breath before continuing my push.

“T-That’s it.” She said, taking a shaky breath of her own.

I progressively sped up my finger-fucking, allowing my thoughts to wander slightly.

“How the fuck did I end up here? I apparently have some xenophilia issues that I probably won’t need to address. Maybe. We’ll see. Me and Cel both do. Ah, fuck it… Wait. Heh.”

I turned my full attention back to the task at hand, the writhing and moaning of Celestia becoming louder and more powerful.

“Oh, you’re a dirty filly, aren’t you?” I growled, receiving a nod from Cel.

What the fuck?

“I have no idea where that came from. I’m fucked in the head.” I thought.

“Oooooh my suUuun!” Cel shouted, arching her back as I felt the walls of her vagina convulse before several squirts of fluid splashed on my legs and stomach.

“So you’re a squirter. My favourite.” I growled, pulling my finger out and licking it clean.

“Mmmmhmmm…” She moaned, looking at me with half lidded eyes.

Smirking, I slowly crawled my way up to her, planting kisses every couple inches.

I planted a kiss on her lips, staring into her big purple eyes.

“Mmmm, I want you, Thaddeus.” She moaned.

“You want me to…?” I said, kissing her nose.

“I want… No, I need you inside me.”

“If you insist.” I said, reaching one hand under her to roll her over onto her stomach and crawling backwards to line my member up with her.

I prodded her entrance a couple times with my member before I penetrated, a tight, but very lubricated entrance making the whole ride a hell of a lot smoother.

“O-Oooohhhhhh myyy…” Cel moaned out, biting her lip.

I started with slow thrusts, with Cel rocking her rear further onto my member, causing us to meet in the middle.

“God damn, you’re tight.” I growled out, slowly accelerating my thrusts from slow to average, moving my hand from her thigh and up her back, grabbing onto a bunch of hair and pulling.

“O-Oh my, Th-adde-eus, you’re rea-ally roOough in bed.” Cel moaned out, yelping as I tugged on her hair again.

“Rough? You know nothing of rough.” I growled, my thrusts becoming faster and harder.

“Oooohhh my suuun! I’m gonna…!” she screamed, her walls convulsing around my member, pushing me over the edge.

“Oh god, Cel. I’m gonna- I’m gonna cum!” I shouted, stopping mid thrust and groaning as my swimmers escaped their fleshy prison and rushed to the next one.

"I feel so full..." Cel murmured, looking up at me.

“I feel so… drained…” I trailed off, falling forward, unconscious.

Author's Note

Alright. It's here. I don't want to talk about it. Yes, it took me way too long to get this out. Yes, the actual sex is really short. Am I satisfied with it? Yes.

X

I blinked. Once. Twice. and then I saw something in the darkness.

First it was just a dark figure, walking forwards, but then I slowly started to recognize it.

“No. Nonononono! We were done! I let you go! We were done! You shouldn’t be back!”

“Tutut. Thaddeus, you thought you could get rid of your demons so easily? You should have seen this coming! After all, we’re friends aren’t we? Just like the friends you let down back on earth? Oh my. You didn’t forget about them, did you? You certainly tried though.” It said, still approaching.

“They’re gone! There’s nothing I could have done!”

“You swore to them, Thaddeus. You said you’d do anything in your power to help them. But when they needed you most? You ran. You left them to die. They looked up to you. They were your friends, but in their time of need you let them down.” It said, circling me.

“They told me to run!”

“You should have died there beside them. You ever notice they didn’t attack her? What do you think they did with her? Probably took her away from your dying friends and raped her. She trusted you the most out of the group. You loved her. You swore to her, alone. You swore on the sun, the moon and the stars that you would do anything for her, all she had to do was call. Did her screaming not cou--”

“SHUT UP!”

“Thaddeus, you should know by now it’s not that easy. And it won’t be as easy as last time, either. I’m here to stay this time. Oh, and I do like what you’ve done with the place. I’ll be sure to put my own touch on it. Oh, and don’t try and tell me that you have people to talk to this time. You said that last time but you never used those resources. It’s an empty threat, really.”

“Why won’t you just leave me? Let me be happy?”

“Because you’re weak. You weren’t good enough to save them, and you’ll never be good enough to save anyone. Not Celestia, not Luna, not Twilight and her friends, Not Shining, not Cadence. You’ll let them all down. You ever wonder why she left with Nathan? Because you were weak. You didn’t give her a reason to stay. You weren’t good enough. You weren’t for her, and you certainly won’t be for Celestia. Celestia will leave you, just like she did. She’ll kick you out of the castle, and you’ll be homeless on an alien planet. Everyone you know on this planet will turn you away. Luna will hate you. Remember what she said? It doesn’t matter how far you run or how fast you go, she will find you and you will end up hurt more than her sister. And nothing will stop her. I’m sure you know what I’m going to say next, so I’ll leave it there. It seems like Sigma has figured out something is going on. Sigma. What a stupid name.” It spat, vanishing into the ether.

The darkness melted into Sigma’s Sanctum, with Sigma staring at me, shaking on the Seal.

“Thaddeus, are you alright?” Sigma shouted, running to my side.

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine. Just a nightmare” I lied, trying to stand up.

“That wasn’t just a nightmare. That was a whole other entity. It was sieging your brain. There’s red flags everywhere. You’ve dealt with this before.” Sigma said, helping me to my feet

“Sigma, it was just a nightmare. Just drop it.” I snapped, placing a hand on the wall to stable myself

“Look, if you need help, I’m here for you. You know that, right?” Sigma said, helping me over to the table.

“I’ve heard those words before.” I muttered, looking over the map.

“I mean it. We share this body.”

“Got it.” I said, noticing a clock on the wall. “What time is that synced to?” I said, glancing towards Sigma.

“Synced with your watch. That’s the real world time.” She said, moving to my right

“I see. How long have I been asleep for?” I said, slowly scanning the room for anything that seemed out of place.

“About 5 hours. You fell asleep at 9:20PM. It’s now 2:26AM”

“I see. So nine hours of sleep tonight? That should be good.” I muttered to myself, spotting an oddly dark spot in one of the corners.

Sigma noticed as well, peering cautiously as she moved closer to the dark spot, slowly reaching out to touch it.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” I called out, glancing at the dark spot that seemed to be expanding further onto the walls. I had a feeling it was It’s touch It was talking about

“Do you know what it is, Thaddeus?” Sigma inquired, her hand returning to her side.

“I’m not positive, but I’ve got a feeling. And I’m going to wholeheartedly recommend not touching it.” I said, my voice lowering.

“Care to explain?”

“Nope.”

“Why?”

“Doesn’t matter. Drop it.” I ordered, turning away

“No.”

“Do I have to be here every night? Because if I do I’m going to… I don’t know what I’m going to do. Can I go and dream like a normal person now?”

“The seal. Step on it and think about dreaming.” Sigma said, turning back to the table.

“Thank you.” I said, making my escape into my hopefully peaceful dreams.

My eyes fluttered open, greeted by the darkness that engulfed the room. I rubbed my cheek on what felt like the softest thing on planet Earth, and it moaned slightly in response. Looking up, I saw Celestia’s head move slightly, indicating that she might wake up soon. Looking down I realized I was still inside her. Deciding that the best course of action was to lie down properly, I popped my dick out just to find all my seed spill out onto the sheets, which I chuckled at.

“Heh, that’s fucking gross.” I said, looking down at the trickle of seed running down her rear.
I slowly shuffled my way towards the pillows, being careful not to wake Cel and to keep pressure off my wounded leg.

“That’s it, Thaddeus, nice and slow.” I mumbled, lifting my injured leg up and over Cel’s leg before crawling up to my pillow next to Celestia.

“Maybe I can catch a few minutes of shut eye before Cel wakes up.” I said to myself, closing my eyes again.

“Oh no you don’t!” Cel said before rolling off her stomach and pulling me close.

“Good morning, beautiful.” I said, smiling lightly.

“Oh and what a good morning it is, after a night like that.” She said, smirking.

“You could say that again.” I said, burrowing my face into her fur.

“Dick Power at 56% and rising cap’n” I thought, feeling my member grow at the thought of last night.

I pulled my face away from the softness that was Celestia, looking up into her wonderful purple eyes, only to see them look down. Following her, I looked down to see my hard on growing ever harder.

“Dick power at 73% and rising exponentially!” I thought to myself again, slowly looking up to see Celestia biting her lip and blushing slightly.

“God damn you’re cute. I ever tell you that?” I said, pecking her on the nose.

“Mmmm, probably. But I could hear it a few more times.” She replied.

“Duly noted.” I said

“Dick power at 86%, activating main dick protocols!”

Celestia glanced down again, my erection now tilting down towards the bed.

“Dick power at 96%. Commencing Dick Protocol One.”

“Quickie?” I said, glancing up at Celestia.

“Quickie.” She replied, rolling me onto my back and straddling me, cowgirl style.

“Dick power at 100%. All systems are go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Celestia slumped over, having just ridden me for the better half of the hour.

"Man, you sure know what the hell you’re doing, Cel.” I said, panting.

"Yeah, I’ve had a bit of practice.” Cel said, nuzzling my neck.

"So, now that that’s out of the way, I suppose we should get cleaned up, yeah?”

"Mm. I suppose.” She said, removing my stiffy from her, my semen trailing down.

I chuckled, rolling to the side of the bed and swinging my legs over and slowly standing up, keeping as much pressure as I could off of my left leg.

"Are you alright?” Cel said, watching me with concern.

"Yeah, I’ll be fine.” I said, using one hand to support myself on the bed.

"Are you sure? I could just carry you over.” She said, standing on the other side of the bed.

"Yeah, I’m a goddamn man, and I do manly th--Ah, son of a bitch!” I shouted, putting too much pressure on my injured leg.

I felt the familiar weightlessness again as Cel levitated me over to her before heading to the bathroom.

"Thanks, I guess.” I muttered, glaring at my reflection in the mirror as we passed it.

"Don’t mention it.”

I grabbed on to the edge of the tub as I was lowered into it, stabilizing myself as much as I could with as little use of my left leg as possible.

“Are you alright?” Cel said.

“I should be. Let’s just make this quick, yeah?”

Cel silently stepped into the shower and turned the water on, creating a synthetic rain of sorts in the shower.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Celestia stepped out of the shower with me in tow, levitating me onto the counter, a towel soon landing in my hands. I quickly dried myself off, discarding the towel into the hamper that resided nearby.

“Ready to take on the day, Cel?” I said, my wounds feeling much better after the shower.

“I am, but you have to stay here. Remember?” She said, wrapping her mane up in the towel.

“Ah, god damn it.” I muttered.

“Come on, off to bed with you.” Cel said, levitating me off the counter.

“Ah, come on? Please?” I said, trying to get away from my fate of being bored out of my skull.

“Nope. You get to stay in bed and think about your decisions. Maybe you could read a book. Or maybe Pinkie will stop by.” She said, quickly looking around the room.

“How would Pinkie even get in here?” I questioned.

“I don’t know. She just does.” Cel said.

“I see. I’m presuming from your reaction it’s happened before.” I said, noticing a shadow dart past the closing bathroom door.

“Oh, far too many times.” She said, lowering me down to the bed.

“I see.” I said, wincing slightly as my calf touched the bed.

“Now, you be good, and maybe I’ll come back with a treat.” She said in a mother-talking-to-her-child tone.

“Are you sure I can’t come with you?”

“One hundred percent.”

“Fiiine.” I groaned.

“Stay safe, Thaddeus.” She said, pecking me on the lips before walking out the door, closing it behind her with a light click.

“So this is your new room? Gotta say, it’s much more impressive than your shithole of a room back on Earth. Could be a bit… darker…”

XI

I stared at the figure in front of me, the dark grin growing wider and wider.

“Didn’t your mother tell you it’s rude to stare?” It said, the grin revealing It’s jagged teeth even further.

“H-How?! You shouldn’t be able to-”

“Well, there’s enough latent magic bouncing around this place that I could use some of it to manifest in the real world. Pretty cool, isn’t it? Only one slight problem…” He trailed off, pointing at a light, that flickered, as if on cue.

“Well fucking stop! Leave me alone! I’m done with you!” I nearly shouted at It.

“It’s not that simple. You can’t just get rid of me. I, am here for the rest of your life.”

Thaddeus, what is that? Sigma questioned.

“Oh, yes. Sigma. I am a mental, and now physical manifestation of all of Thaddeus’ anger, fear, and most of all, guilt. Oh yes, our innocent Thaddeus is not so innocent. He has blood on his hands, you know.” It said, chuckling lightly.

“Fuck off! It was out of my control!” I shouted, confident Celestia was out of earshot.

“Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night, Thaddeus.” It said, frowning.

I wanted to attack It, but it wouldn’t work. Even if I could hit it, chances are it would overpower me in seconds.

“Oh, come on. You know I wouldn’t hurt you… much. C’mon. I’ll let you get the first hit in.”

“Fuck off.” I growled, staring at It.

“You know, just this once I’m going to listen, but only because I don’t want these… Ponies, finding out about me so soon.”

Once he finished talking he vanished, leaving me alone to think about what was going on.

“Why the fuck is It back?” I muttered, staring up at the canopy over the bed.

Well, I’m back because there’s something you’re scared of, angry at, or feeling guilty about.

“Why can’t you just leave? Why? Why am I stuck with you?” I queried.

We’ve been over this many times, Thaddeus. Too many times, in fact.

I sighed, hitting my head on the pillow.

I groaned, looking around the room for something to do.

“Why did I have to get injured? I could be doing other things like mapping the castle or just wandering around or something. But no, I’m stuck here, waiting.” I muttered to no one in particular, glaring at the canopy.

My thought process was interrupted by a light knock on the door.

I stared curiously at the door, unsure of what to do. Whoever was on the other side of the door knocked again, slightly louder this time.

“I… Uh, come in?” I said, slowly reaching my hand over the edge of the bed to grab anything I could reach.

The door slowly opened and a small metal cart wheeled in, soon followed by a mare wearing an inverted server uniform, contrasting her obsidian coat. Atop the metal cart was a platter covered by a metal dome.

“Hello, my name is Obsidia. I’ll be your server for the remainder of your time spent in bed rest.” She chirped, smiling.

“Nice to meet you. I am Thaddeus.” I replied, smiling slightly.

“Nice to meet you as well. Now, Celestia told me to bring you this.” She said, lifting the tray that was atop the cart, quickly moving it to my lap and removing the metal dome, revealing pancakes with strawberries, whipped cream, and bananas. My favourite food thus far.

“Thank you.” I said, smiling at her.

“Not a problem! Anything else I can help you with?” She chirped.

“Keep me company?” I replied, trying to escape having to listen to Sigma and It any longer.

“Hmm. I’m tempted to say yes, but I am currently working. I suppose I can stay for a few minutes though.” Obsidia replied, tapping her hoof against her chin.

“Oh. A few minutes is fine.” I said, “Feel free to pull up a chair. I don’t think Celestia will mind.”

She walked over to a chair and pulled it over, sitting on the other side of the metal cart. She was an average sized mare, wearing a white blazer with a black shirt and white tie underneath, contrasting her coat, which was similar, if not identical to the colour of obsidian, presumably the reason for her name.

I noticed the quizzical look she was giving me, and quickly realized I was staring. I shook my head, causing her to giggle lightly.

“Sorry.” I apologized, smiling sheepishly.

“Not to worry. I realize it could be hard to take in everything that has happened in the past few days for you. The Princess gave me the rundown.” She replied, her face shifting into a more sad expression.

“To be completely honest, I think I’ve taken this surprisingly well.”

“I’d say. You landed on an alien world, wake up to a different species and then proceed to get with one of the diarchs. That’s definitely taking it well.” She said, giggling.

“There was a bit more than that but that’s the gist I suppose. I don’t even know how I managed to end up with Celestia.” I replied. “So how did you get assigned to dealing with me?” I queried.

“Well, the Princess came up to me and said “I need you to serve our guest. He’s currently injured and confined to bed.” and she told me where you were and told me to grab your food and now I’m here.”

“Any particular reason she chose you? Not that I’m implying there’s something wrong with that.” I quickly stammered.

She chuckled, “Not that I know of. Guess I just got lucky.” She replied, glancing at the clock, “Oh goodness. I have to go, but I’ll be back around noon. Enjoy your breakfast!” She said, quickly moving the chair back to it’s position before wheeling the cart out of the room.

I quickly ate my breakfast, placing the plate on the nightstand next to me.

“Fuck my life.” I grumbled, staring at the canopy.

You could rest. There’s something new in the Sanctuary.

“Yeah, sure. How do you suppose I do that?” I said, moments before I fell unconscious.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I appeared on the Hero’s Seal, glancing around the room to find that it had changed a rather significant amount. The dark spot that had appeared previously had now taken up half of the room, the side that It was standing, smiling at Sigma, who was staring angrily at him.

“Get. Him. Out.” Sigma said, not even glancing away from him.

“But Sigma, you haven’t even given me a chance!” It said, It’s trademark grin growing even wider.

“Sigma, I don’t think we can do anything about it right now. I’ve never been able to get rid of it in the past. It comes and goes as it pleases.”

“But look at what he’s done to the sanctuary!” She shouted, gesturing her hands to the opposite side of the room that was covered in a dripping darkness.

It smiled, looking at the darkness surrounding It.

“What, you don’t like it?” It said, holding a hand to his chest where his heart would be, if he had one.

“No, it looks terrible, I don’t like it and I want it out!” Sigma shouted, stomping her foot.

“You wound me, Sigma.”

“Look, I really don’t want to deal with this, Sigma. Yes, it looks gloomy and dark and depressing but I don’t know what to do about it so just suck it up for now, alright?” I advised, exasperated.

“Fine.”

“Thank you, Sigma. You know what they say. Never let them see you sweat. We’ll figure this out. For now, we need to give him a name.”

“Nooooo, don’t give him a name! Then we’ll never be able to get rid of him!” Sigma whined, throwing her hands up into the air.

“Sigma, what did I just fucking say?” I scolded, glaring at her.

“Never let them see you sweat.” she replied, looking at the floor.

“Exactly.” I said, turning to face It. “Hmmm… What about Epsilon?”

“That is… tolerable.”

“Neat. Epsilon and Sigma. I like it. Now that that’s out of the way, is there anything else I have to deal with here?” I queried, glancing back and forth at Epsilon and Sigma.

“Nothing that I can think of.”

“Nor I.”

“Alright. So I can have some peace and quiet for a while?”

“I suppose. For a while.”

“Good.” I said as I stepped on to the Guild Seal again, the sanctuary fading away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My eyes opened, slowly adjusting to the light of the room.

“Yay… Now I get to wait for who knows how long to have something to do.” I muttered, staring at the canopy again.

You should talk to Celestia about getting a pet then.

“Yeah maybe I sho--” I stopped when I heard the door handle turn, quickly reaching down the side of the bed where my rifle manifested in my hand. Suddenly a blue head that I recognized as Luna’s peeked around the edge of the door.

“Hello, Thaddeus.” She said, walking into the room.

“Uh, hi?” I said, confused.

“How are you feeling after your recent injuries?” She inquired, walking towards the edge of the bed.

“Uh, just fine I guess. Don’t you usually sleep at this time?” I queried, placing the rifle on the floor.

“Usually, but I thought I would come and check on thou and keep thee company for a while.” She said, climbing on to Celestia’s side of the bed.

“Oh. Okay. That is nice of you.” I replied, propping myself up on the headboard, raising the blankets to cover my chest.

“How was Night Court? I asked.

“It was tolerable. Slow as usual.” She replied, yawning and crawling under the blankets with me.

“Do you intend to sleep in here?” I queried.

“Mmmmm, no.” she murmured, wrapping a hoof around my arm and pulling, indicating she wanted me to move closer.

“Who am I to refuse a princess?” I thought, shuffling closer to Luna.

“Thanks…” She mumbled, resting her head on my chest. Her breathing slowed down a significant amount, indicating that she had fallen asleep.

“So that was complete bullshit.” I mumbled, brushing her hair out of my face.

“Holy shit. Her hair is so soft.” I said, running my hand through her hair again, which devolved into me stroking her head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I glanced at the clock, noting that it was nearing noon. Luna was still sleeping. She occasionally mumbled incoherently, or let out a low hum.

How did you even end up in this situation?

“Well, I’m assuming that she wanted to come and keep me company for a bit but didn’t realize how tired she was. Which leads us to where we are now.” I thought, running my hand through Luna’s hair again.

I was talking more in the grand scheme of things. Like screwing one of the Diarchs of this nation.

“Oh. No clue. Xenophilia on both our parts? Perhaps she doesn’t take a pony suitor because she fears they’ll use her for her status, and since I am not a citizen of this nation, or even this planet, I couldn’t use it to get fame or status because most of the ponies would not believe a word that came out of my mouth?”

That is… surprising well thought out. How long have you been thinking about that?

“Well, these ponies are similar to humans in some ways. There is definitely a chance they’re greedy cocksuckers that would do something like that. However, I only have a small sample size that I can use to compare, so until I have a larger sample size, it’s an inconclusive conclusion.”

Wow, Thaddeus. I didn’t think you had it in you to be intelligent and rational.

“Okay, first, you’re being a total dick right now, and second, I’m not all looks.” I said aloud, causing Luna to stir.

“I’ve made a mistake.” I thought, watching Luna intently to see if she was going to wake up.

She soon rested her head against my chest again, I sighed, watching the clock as it slowly ticked closer and closer to noon.

Soon, there was a knock at the door. Obsidia opened the door, not waiting for me to invite her in.

She stopped as she saw the Lunar Princess, eyes widening.

I gestured for her to come in with my one free hand.

She slowly pushed the cart to my side of the bed. “Are you--”

“No.” I cut her off, feeling like I already knew the question.

“Then why is she here?” Obsidia asked, eying me wearily.

“No idea. She showed up, said she was going to keep me company, and then she fell asleep.” I whispered, remembering that waking Luna was very possibile.

“Should we wake her?” Obsidia queried.

“Ehh, maybe we should. She might be hungry.” I whispered, looking at Luna’s peaceful face.

“She’s usually sleeping at this time. Then again, she’s usually asleep in her own bed, so things might be a bit different. We should wake her.” She affirmed.

I nodded, turning my head to face Luna.

“Luuuuunaaaaaa.” I breathed into her ear, causing it to flick as a dog’s ear would.

I ran my hand across her head, waiting for a sign that she was waking up. No dice.

I did it again, slightly louder this time. She groaned, her mouth moving slightly.

I turned to Obsidia, “If she doesn’t wake up after this one, I’m going to let her sleep.” I informed her.

Obsidia nodded in response.

I leaned towards Luna’s ear.

“Luna, come on. It’s time to get up.” I said in a normal speaking tone. Her ear flicked and her eyes slowly opened. I continued to stroke her hair.

She groaned, “Why did thou wake me up?” she mumbled, rubbing her eyes with one hoof.

“It was actually for two reasons. One, you’re in Celestia’s bed, with me in it, and two, there’s food here and we were wondering if you wanted some.” I stated matter-of-factly.

“Who is we?” She replied, now noticing the other person in the room.

“That is… I’m sure she can introduce herself if you two are not already acquainted.” I said, gesturing to Obsidia.

“I am Obsidia, I work as a server here in the castle, and I am currently assigned to Thaddeus. Until he is well enough to move on his own, that is.” She announced, smiling.

“Charmed.” Luna said, unimpressed with the pony who may have had a hand in waking her.

“Are you hungry, Luna?” I queried.

“Not terribly, but I could eat a bit.” She replied.

Obsidia smiled her smile and pulled the metal dome from the platter, revealing a stack of sandwiches of various types, including what I thought was the same sandwiches I had had at the lunch with Celestia’s student and her friends.

The platter was lifted with expert balance, which was impressive considering the amount that was on the platter, before being set down next to me.

“Anything else I can get either of you?” Obsidia asked.

“No, thank you.” Replied Luna.

“Could I perhaps get some whisky?” I asked, half-jokingly.

This caught Obsidia off guard. Luna was too sleepy to notice though.

“I-Uh… It’s the middle of the day. Are you sure you want to be drinking right now?”

“It’s five o’clock somewhere.” I said, smiling.

“What?”

“Oh. Right. Science. Yes, I would like a drink right now.”

“I… I’ll have to talk to Princess Celestia.” She said, quickly leaving the room, forgetting the cart.

“Oh boy! I love me some whisky.” I said, grabbing the familiar looking sandwich.

This can only go well.

Author's Note

Well. There it is. *Insert Jeff Goldblum .gif* It's going to read awkwardly or seem odd for a while. I'm still getting back into the swing of writing. Finals are coming up pretty quick. Anyways, Enjoy.

Cheers

William.

I

The accepted theory, in science of course, is that humans, or any living being really, are made of “stardust”. Not going to get into the sciences of it, but I guess that could explain how I got here, & how I was found. Let’s start from the beginning…

My name is Thaddeus Quinn, I am an eight-teen year old male. I lived in B.C., Canada. Previously, I was paid to repair peoples phones and computers, now I'm paid to assist the Princesses on another world. I guess I should start at the beginninger beginning.

I was relaxing at home, if relaxing was refraining from tearing my hair out as I continued to die, over and over again. I finally gave up and quit, walking outside to calm down. It was the middle of the night, and no one was up, just me, myself, and I. I sat down on one of the chairs on the porch and stared upwards, unblinking. The stars were out, as per usual, the moon was as well. But I felt odd, more distant. Like my consciousness was leaving my body and going somewhere else. I looked down at my body, making sure I wasn't dying or anything, because I might be a bit upset. I looked upwards again and spotted what had thrown off my thoughts. A unidentified something was moving, rapidly. Generally I would have said satellite and left it at that, but it was moving too oddly to be a satellite. I chose to ignore it, looking out over the night sky, but everywhere I looked, the unidentified something was there, ruining my night.

I sighed as I gave up, deciding that whatever it was was plain annoying, and I had grown tired of it. I stood up to walk inside, looking back up to see that whatever it was was gone. I felt a sharp pain as something hit me in the back, causing me to collapse. As I was falling I attempted to turn to look at my attacker, only to find to my astonishment, nothing was there. A faint golden fleck was all that remained. I felt a surge, like electricity, and I passed out. The last thing I get to see, and it's a stupid gold sparkle, great.

My eyes opened in a flash, my heart racing from my dream, at least that's what I thought it was until I realized I had no idea where I was. The room I was currently seated in was a very large room, larger than the master bedroom in my parents house, which was quite large. The ceilings had to go up at least 7 meters. I glanced around, finding that my clothes were still on me, so I came to the conclusion I wasn't kidnapped and raped, just kidnapped. Even better. I stood up, reaching for where I had felt the pain in my back the previous night. There was nothing there, no scar, no scab, no evidence of anything. Still under the assumption I was kidnapped, I planned how I was going to escape. I found the door was unlocked, and there was no one outside. At this point I should have been concerned, if I was kidnapped, wouldn't they at least lock the door? The doors were also very large, going up 4 to 5 meters. I opened the door and went full Solid Snake, peeking around corners, hiding in plain sight in boxes... I lied, I actually got caught within the first 20 seconds, as I failed to look both ways as I crossed the hall. A guard spotted me and took me to their leader.

I had a growing suspicion that I was about to be probed. By very large aliens. Who were using clones shaped as ponies as guards, considering every single one of them looked like one another. The guard leading me was not letting up, constantly reminding me that if I tried anything funny, I could and would get a nice spear in between my vertebrae or ribs. Either one would be unhealthy, and might hurt.

We finally arrived at our destination a set of 2 very large doors, was it just me or did the hallway get taller? The two clones opened the door, announcing that a prisoner was found escaping. At this point I was very very concerned for my life and my butt. I did not feel like getting probed, and I wish they would just ask instead of forcing me. I had been in shackles the whole walk here, my arms felt weird from being behind my back for that long. The two guards who had escorted me here moved me to the centre of the room and shoved me roughly to the floor. Their leader gasped, apparently appalled that I was treated as I was. She demanded that the two guards remove my shackles and return to their posts. I moved away at first, not wanting a spear in between my shoulder blades.

After too long, the shackles fell off, getting caught by the unicorn guard. I rubbed my wrists, trying to get the indent of the shackles off. "I am Princess Celestia, Co-ruler of Equestria. And you are?"

I realized that I was being rude, and kneeled, looking at the ground. "I am Thaddeus Quinn." I responded. She stood up and walked towards me.

This is it, make it or break it I thought, as she stopped in front of me, raising her hoof. For my mind was still thinking I was going to be probed, I did everything I could to protect my butt. So I kissed her hoof. I heard her gasp in shock and a couple of the guards either gasp or chuckle at my naivety. I blushed, realizing that was just how she was standing, not a request for me to kiss her hoof. I wanted to move my knee that was holding me up and smash my face off the floor, maybe breaking it so that I could just forget about it.

"Rise, Thaddeus." Celestia spoke, breaking the awkward silence. I stood up, my head reaching the base of her horn. Speaking of her horn, it was sharp, which worried me, considering she could kill me in an instant if she stabbed me with it. Also she had wings, isn't it supposed to be one or the other, not both? Either way, Celestia cancelled her early morning court for a while to speak with me.

We were wandering throughout the halls, speaking of this and that. I answered everything as simply as I could.

"What are you?" She asked,

"Human." I responded.

Let's just say it was from years and years of family reunions. I felt no need to explain unless explicitly asked. We continued wandering the halls, turning this way and that, Celestia asking me questions, me responding as shortly as possible. The halls reminded me of the story of the Labyrinth in Greek mythology, how it was ever changing. My stomach rumbled, causing me to look away in embarrassment. I heard Celestia giggle, causing me to look back, wondering what was so funny.

"If you were hungry you could have just asked, Thaddeus."

I shrugged "I didn't realize I was hungry Princess."

She clicked her tongue, looking at me "How does one not know when they are hungry?"

I shrugged again "I guess it's from eating once and then snacking the rest of the day."

She looked at me, alarmed. "You only ate once a day?"

I sighed, knowing that I had to explain. "Yes, I only ate once a day. It's something left over from not eating around others, I did not particularly enjoy looking at other people eating, or people looking at me, but when your family is very close, it becomes hard to avoid that, so I stopped eating breakfast and lunch with the family, instead choosing to snack throughout the day in my room." She looked away. "But this doesn't mean I won't join your for breakfast, or lunch... I'm not sure what time it is." I looked down my watch, sighing as I realized it probably wasn't the correct time.

"It is 8:48 in the morning, Thaddeus." I looked down at my watch, surprised that it was in fact the correct time.

"Huh, that's odd." I mumbled, turning to Princess Celestia.

"So, how about that breakfast?" She said as she looked up at me. I smiled, gesturing down the hall with my arm,

"Lead the way, Princess." I said, turning to walk alongside her

Author's Note

Howdy.

Hope you all enjoy this, and it holds you for now. Unfortunately, the next update won't be for another month (<< I'm a lying bastard) or so, because finals and all. Also, I apologize for my poor writing skills. I've never written a story and published it, or even written a story that anyone else has seen, save teachers. Thanks for checking this out, and criticism would be helpful.

'Till next time,

William Quinn

Also, if anyone is interested in the music I listen to while writing:
Clickity Click

EDIT: This story has undergone (3) edit(s), because I am dumb and didn't read the rules thoroughly. Although the last one was only a couple mistakes.

VIII

Author's Note

I am so so sorry. I'm sorry for the 3 month delay. I'm sorry for the constant lies in my blog posts. I'm sorry for the absolutely horrible quality of this chapter. I'm sorry for the shortness of this chapter. Just... I'm sorry.

VIII

I attempted to turn to take the brunt of the hit to my shoulder, poorly accomplishing said task as the door slammed into me, sending me rocketing across the hallway into the guest room door, causing the strike to splinter the wood. The door swung open at terminal velocity, allowing me to acquaint my body with the floor a little bit more intimately. I groaned for a few moments before the real pain set in.

I fucking warned you, but noooo, you had to see your pretty pony princess.

I choked a couple times before tears rolled down my face, the choking turning into sobbing. Slowly, I rolled myself over onto my stomach and started reaching out for something to grab onto. Finding nothing, I placed my palms flat on the floor and started pulling myself across towards the bed, a trail of blood from my hands smearing along the floor.

You're a god damned idiot, you know that? What happened to not unnecessarily putting your life at risk?

"Shut... Up..." I said through my sobs, crawling towards the bed.

I heard something moving around behind me, before I felt the weightlessness of magic.

"Thaddeus, talk to me." She cried out, pulling me into her chest.

"I'm still alive... But I'm barely breathing..." I said through my sobbing, coughing up a bit of blood.

"Oh thank the stars!" she exclaimed, pulling me tighter to her chest, before suddenly holding me in front of her, "What were you doing out here anyways?" she said, giving me a suspicious look.

"That's not... important. Could you just put me... Down to die?" I said, sniffling and coughing up blood.

"No, you're coming with me, since you so wanted to escape from the infirmary." She said, glaring at me.

"Where?" I said.

"Just to my room, where you're going to remain for the foreseeable future," She said, holding me behind her, "And I'll make sure you stay there." she finished, throwing a glare over her shoulder at me.

“Thank… God. You wouldn’t… happen to have… painkillers?”

“Painkillers?”

“It’s a little… pill drug thing.”

“There’s a painkiller spell, but I’m not sure how well it would work on you. Different anatomy and such.” She said, opening the door. I saw everything was in disarray. The scrolls that were so neatly stacked had collapsed, the blankets jumbled on the bed, her desk messy.

“What happened in… here?” I said.

“I-Uh-Nothing.” Cel stammered, closing the door as she walked to the washroom.

“What are we doing in here?” I croaked, the crying easing to a stop.

“We’re going to get you cleaned up, and then we’re going to go to bed.” She said, gingerly placing my feet on the ground, “Do you think you can hold yourself up?”

“I think so.” I said, gasping as I felt my body weight rest on my legs, in particular my now extremely injured one.

“Oh sweet baby Jesus.” I hissed, grinding my teeth together in an attempt to stave off the pain.

I felt my drawers being rolled down my thighs, and the man in me, or what little was left wanted to tell her to let me do it myself, but I was in too much pain to complain. Then Cel put them in a little panty ball in the laundry basket, and I wanted to bitch so very very much. So I did.

“Could… could you not roll them up like that?” I croaked.

“What?” Cel inquired.

“My underwear. Could you not bunch them up like that?”

“Really? You just got thrown through a door, by a door that I had placed a ward on to keep would be intruders out, where I found you crying on the floor leaving a trail of blood through an explosion of splinters and chunks of door, which isn’t cheap to replace, and you’re going to complain about your underwear being bunched up into a ball. Are all human males like this?” She said, levitating me over to the tub.

“Probably not. I’m just particular about the handling of my clothing.”

“Very well then.” She stated as she un-pantyballed my underwear.

“Thanks.” I said, moments before scalding hot water poured from the shower head.

“SON OF A BITCH!” I shouted.

“SORRY!” Celestia shouted as she quickly turned the water off.

“Y’know, generally when you say you’re going to clean someone up, the intention isn’t to hurt them more.” I said.

“I said sorry.” Cel said, slowly turning on the water, which came out hot before cooling to a decent temperature.

“Ohhhh, that feels nice.” I moaned.

“Mind if I join you?” She said, removing her regalia before stepping into the tub.

“Not at all, Cel.”

“Lovely.”

She stepped into the shower, her mane and tail losing their airiness as the water poured over her, meanwhile from my position I had a great view of her rear, and everything that went with it.

“Oh! Is somebody enjoying the view?” She said, raising her tail a bit more.

“Part of me says that I should stop staring, but majority says fuck it. Both the saying and the action, so I’m going to go with the majority vote and continue.” I said, shrugging.

“You’re staring? I was referring to your extremity, which appears to be full mast.”

I shrugged again. “What do you want me to say? That you’re really attractive? That I’m apparently a xenophile? That I’d…” I trailed off, thinking my next words over carefully.

“That you would…?” Celestia said, cocking her head.

“Nevermind, I’ll show you later. Could you help me get cleaned up?”

“Yes, I suppose we should get on with that.”

“Great. I feel it would probably be easier if I was standing.” I said, grabbing the edges of the tub and lifting myself.

“Here, let me help.” Cel said as she lifted me with her magic. “Lean on me.”

“When you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend. I’ll help you carrrryyy oooon.” I sang.

“Really?” Celestia deadpanned.

“Yep. Good song, actually. Might still have it on my phone.” I said, grimacing at the weight on my leg.

Celestia grabbed the soap and a cloth, rubbing the two together to make a soapy cloth. Who’da thunk? Before rubbing the cloth along my body.

“So, how was your day, Cel?” I asked as she cleaned me.

“I… Err, not too good.” She mumbled.

“Oh? Why was that?”

“I was worried about you.”

“Ah. Makes sense I suppose. But why worry over something you met 3 days ago? Matter of fact, why are we even dating after 3 days? I guess I don’t really know about here, but back on Earth, we generally took time to get to know each other before dating.”

“Are you saying you don’t want to be with me?” She said, stopping suddenly.

“No! No no no! That’s not what I’m saying at all! I just… I’m not even sure what I was trying to say. I’m bad with words.”

“Mm.” She said, scrunching her nose.

“God damn that’s cute.”

“What is?”

“You and the little things you do.” I said, running my hand up and down her side.

“What are you doing?”

“Running my hand along your side. Why?” I said, bringing my hand closer and closer to her rear.

“Why are you doi-eep!” She yelped as my hand reached it’s prize.

“Consider this and what’s to come a thank you.”

“A lady does not take and not give back.” She said, licking her lips.

“Are you certain?”

“Not in the slightest. A thousand years of abstinence can make one do many questionable things. This shall be one of many to come.”

“That’s as good an answer as any.” I said before sliding my index finger into her vagina, appreciating the moans of satisfaction that could be heard over the pitter patter of the water.

“O-Oh my. I can see ho-ow those fingers of yours ca-an be useful.” She said between moans.

“Apparently.” I stated simply as I slowly began to pick up the pace.

Suddenly my leg kicked forward, sending me tumbling to the bottom of the tub, only to be stopped by Cel’s magic.

“Like I said, a lady does not take and not give.” She said, positioning herself on top of me, allowing me full access to her vagina, and allowing her full access to my cock.

“A-Alright.” I said, shivering as she ran her tongue from the base to the tip, “Let’s get this started.” I said as I placed my hands on both sides of her rear before using my thumbs to spread her vagina.

“Dinner is served.” I mumbled before diving in.