A Dandy Crusade

by divinearcadia

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Random, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 12524

What happens when Space Dandy, the galaxy's suavest, good looking and sharp dressed man ends up on Equestria after an incident with his hyper drive? Well... lets just hope he doesn't do anything he'll regret later...

What happens when Space Dandy, the galaxy's suavest, good looking and sharp dressed man ends up on Equestria after an incident with his hyper drive? Well... lets just hope he doesn't do anything he'll regret later...

Like letting the Cutie Mark Crusaders go get registered with the Space Alien Registration Bureau so they can go on space adventures...

Seriously... What could go wrong?

Published 2014-02-23 16:50:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-27 19:18:30 UTC

A Pie and Three Little Fillies, Baby

SO IT SEEMED LIKE THE END FOR SPACE DANDY...

But not really, as he groaned sluggishly while draped over the pilots console of the Aloha Oe. Blinking around owlishly, the sharply dressed ladies man smacked his lips a couple times as he viewed the familiar surroundings.

“Hey! QT! Where the hell are we?” He shouted to his medium sized, bean-shaped robotic companion with a wince as he hadn't noticed his sharp headache until just that moment. That would clear up in a jiffy. Concussions were all in a days work for being a dandy after all.

“Hey, Dandy,” QT said in a chipper tone as he rolled around to his companions side, his extendable arms presenting a glass of water and a pair of aspirin to Dandy, all of which was quickly downed before being returned. “Finally up?”

“Yeah...” He muttered. “What the hell happened? You know where we are?”

“Lemme check.” QT replied before his display blanked out to reveal a massive scrolling of ones and zeroes. A few seconds, a long slip of paper punctured with circles and a wavering sigh later, QT finally came back from whatever place he goes to in his little cybertronic head when he does his thing and replied, “Nope. Not a clue.”

“Ugh... Dammit QT!” Dandy half shouted. “Do you know how much it costs me for a roll of paper for you? You're not exactly a common model anymore.”

“Well excuse me...” Qt replied with as much sarcasm a bean shaped robot could muster. “I thought you asked me to find out where we were, not to be worried about my operating expenses.”

“Smart ass...” Dandy grumbled. “You wanna check out the planet? I want to head out and check the Aloha Oe for damage.”

“Sure.” QT replied wearily. “Gimme a minute.”

“I'm gonna head to the bathroom and get ready,” Dandy said as he lurched up from his seat to do just that. A dandy had to look the part after all.

“Alright.” QT replied absentmindedly.

Dandy made his way from the cockpit into the familiar depths of his beloved ship to the spartan bathroom to prep for exiting the ship. First, he wet his face and ran a razor over his square cut jaw quickly to ensure an absolutely smooth surface for any of the potential foxy ladies that might be out there that might want a touch of the living, breathing Dandy himself. Grabbing his comb, he quickly and effortlessly corralled any rogue strands of hair that even remotely entertained the thought of deviating from his perfectly quaffed pompadour. With a liberal application of hairspray to ensure his hairs cooperation, he then quickly stripped to his skivvies and redressed in another set of similar clothes after a quick spritzing of cologne. Once finished, he struck a quick series of poses, checking his appeal in the mirror before exiting to find QT silently waiting.

“So, what's the word, QT?” He asked while stepping around the droid.

“Looks like you're in the green, Dandy,” he replied while wheeling around to follow him.

“Nice... Been a while since I could go out au naturale.” He replied with a half smirk. “Is Meow around? I could use a hand if there's any serious damage.”

“He's passed out in the lounge right now.” QT replied. “I don't think he's used to the regular concussions yet.”

“Eh... He has to at some point...” Dandy replied with a shrug. “I mean, it only took me a couple years to get used to 'em.”

“Sometimes I wonder...” QT muttered in what one could only assume was under his breath if a droid as capable of breath.

“What was that?” Dandy asked with an annoyed glance over his shoulder.

“Nothing!” QT replied nervously. “Just... don't cause an incident if you come across any of the locals... please?”

“Hey! If they respect the dandy, the Dandy respects them.” He replied smugly. With a sigh ranging in the single decibels, QT kept his silence as they finally reached the airlock where Dandy deftly buckled a laser gun to his belt. “If the damage isn't too bad, I'll do a little scouting around. You never know what might pop up on these little hunks of rock.”

“Right.” QT deadpanned. “Your communicator working okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. The damn thing's indestructible anyway.” He muttered under his breath as though QT were an overbearing parent. “See you soon, little buddy.” With that, Dandy popped the hatch open with an easy slap of his palm before he hopped out.

“See ya, Dandy,” QT replied as Dandy dropped twenty feet to the ground. “Just don't do anything we'll regret while you're out there...”

“Huh... Seems as though the Aloha Oe finds its way out of another tricky situation.” Dandy mused after a quick survey around the perimeter of his ship, finding nothing more than some scuffed paint after landing in some fairly soft earth. “Now to see if there's anything worth my time on this planet...” Dandy said with wicked smile.

Finally taking the time to look around the area since his worries about his precious ship have been put to rest, he noticed that he's in the middle of a fairly dense forest around what would be considered the early morning for this particular area of this particular planet. Being completely lost on a potentially hostile world, Dandy casually shoved his hands in his pockets and walked in the direction the Aloha Oe is facing, trusting to fate and the luck of the dandy to see him through. Unfortunately for him, there's no such thing as the “luck of the dandy” and fate was snickering behind its hand for what he had planned.

As he trekked through the forest, Dandy glanced about for any sign of civilization through the thick foliage and underbrush. Seeing no immediate sign, he continued on his way, meandering through the woods wherever her he felt he should go. Unsurprisingly, he quickly found himself completely and unaccountably lost, not even the Aloha Oe was visible anymore. After all, a dandy like him couldn't be blamed for getting lost unless some outside force conspired to thwart his suave plans. With a sigh, he was about to use his wrist communicator to get in touch with QT but stopped once he smelled an absolutely amazing scent as it drifted by his nose before disappearing without a trace. Not to be teased and left wanting, he stalked in the general direction of the wind to find out what it was that drew the attention of one such as himself while all thoughts about getting back were forgotten for the time being.

As he made his way in this new direction, he vaguely noticed that the trees became interspersed with fruit bearing trees which taunted him with their own aroma but left him wanting. There! It was that smell again! Looking in the direction he had been going, he spotted what appeared to be a small, wooden house levitating in the distance. As he walked stealthily towards it, he noticed that it was simply a tree house and not the abode of some advanced alien race. Checking the immediate area, he spotted no creatures around that might call this place home and quickly made his way to the abode before tracing the origin of that siren-like aroma to the inside of the small building. He clumsily clambered his way over the guard rail and spotted a still cooling pie on a small table inside. Knowing that the owners of this place would take pride in helping such a handsome soul, he made his way around the building until he found the front door and let him self in.

The inside was quite a bit smaller then he had anticipated but made due as he sat one of the small, three legged stools that rested around said table and leaned giddily over the delectable confection of legendary culinary skill to savor the aroma. He hadn't eaten in who knows how long, so he could be close to starving and his stomach agreed to that sentiment as he took the moderately warm pie, tin and all, and lifted it to his waiting, heavily salivating mouth... but paused.

He had heard something. Something like the sound of gravel being mercilessly punished for being something that was walked on instead of being something more useful. He placed the pie back down and quickly ducked below the lip of the window behind him to peer out into the woods. He waited for a few moments but saw nothing, so he tallied it up to his food deprived mind distracting him from his delectable goal. He returned to his spot at the table and lifted the pie back to his mouth and took a bite this time. Oh how sweet and tangy, syrupy and light, spicy and... you know what? I think you get the picture. Well anyway, Dandy found his whole world revolving around his mouth and found nirvana in that one amazing mouthful. So much, in fact, that he didn't notice the slack jawed company that had just walked into the small building.

“W-what the hay?...” One of them said in a slightly breathless drawl.

“What is it...” Said the next one with a slight rasp to its voice.

“I really like its mane...” Said the third with a slight crack in its voice.

Now, Dandy didn't notice what had just happened as he was still lost in the land of taste. That sound he had heard was not a fabrication of his mind, but a real noise as the trio of small quadrupeds barreled their way down the well worn pathway to their usual stomping grounds. It just so happened that the wind shifted enough to disguise their approach and their eagerness to partake in the same treat that Dandy was eating halted their usual chatter in a kind of anticipatory fugue of hunger and excitement.

“HEY!” Yelled one of the little creatures as it suddenly realized what was happening. “THAT'S OUR PIE!”

“YEAH!” Exclaimed another before it impulsively ran towards the much larger Dandy to jump and kick at his head. Due to some freak gravitational shift, Dandy went tumbling from his perch when the hard end of the limb connected with the side of his head. Quickly righting himself into a dashingly defensive pose, he assessed his assailant and drew his side arm with a twirl to point it towards the source of his attack.

“Hey!” He yelled as that amazing pastry finally fell back to the table. “What's the big idea?!”

“You're eating our pie you big... stupid... thing!” Yelled the same one that had kicked him, its raspy voice grating on his ears due how loudly it was yelling.

“Finders keepers!” He retorted in all seriousness, thrusting his fire arm in the direction of the hostile creature.

“It wasn't lost in the first place!” It yelled back. Now that he had a chance to look at the creature, he noticed that it was tiny. Really tiny. Tiny enough that it would have been a gamble as to which would win in a fight between it and any random house cat. It was small, sure, but the buzzing appendages on top of it quickly drew his attention back to it from his idle thought. It was a orangeish-tan color with a hideously haphazard mop of purple hair on top of its head, with an eye color to match and had a voice far louder than its size would indicate. “What're you doing in our clubhouse anyway?!”

“Hey...” He said calmly, trying to placate the little... thing. “Can't you at least help out a dandy in need? I mean, seriously, I'm practically starving over here!”

“Starvin'?!” Exclaimed one from further back. Dandy noticed that this one was a light tan color with a perfectly accented head of red hair while its eyes glinted with a rich, golden color. “C'mon Scootaloo... It said it's starvin', so we can share a little, right?”

“Augh! Apple Bloom!” Scootaloo half groaned. “I waited all last night for your sisters apple pie as breakfast and I'm not about to go letting some... weirdo pie gobbler take any away from me!”

“Fine!” Apple Bloom retorted, obviously offended at her acquaintances reluctance to help a dandy in need. “He can have some of mine then.” She finished with a dismissive gesture that was obvious in any race.

“H-he can have some from my part too.” Said the third little creature,a slight crack in its voice causing it to stammer slightly. This one had a shockingly white coat with a head of curly lilac and pink hair with a small, white horn poking out slightly and looked at him with light green eyes.

“Ya sure about that Sweetie Belle?” Apple Bloom asked with an imploring look in the others direction. “I know I'm fine 'bout it, but I know you've been looking forward to that pie as much as Scoots has.”

“It's okay.” Sweetie Belle replied with a slightly wobbly smile that strengthened as she continued, “I know Rarity would be proud of me helping out somepony in need.”

“Ugh...” Scootaloo said while faking a gag. “Seriously? It just tried to eat our pie not even a minute ago! We don't even know what it is! You don't have to give it anything!”

“C'mon Scoots.” Apple Bloom wheedled. “There's still gonna be plenty left for each of us if we split it four ways.”

“Whatever...” She grumbled before turning back to Dandy. “But I'm watching you... So don't think about trying anything funny.”

“Hey...” Dandy placated with a look of helplessness. “You're letting me eat some of your pie... If anything, I'm in your debt.”

“It ain't anythin' like that,” Apple Bloom said with a stomp of her hoof. “So don't worry 'bout it an' enjoy some pie.”

“Thanks.” He replied. “I'm Dandy, by the way. Space Dandy.”

“Even its name is weird...” Scootaloo said while facehoofing herself.

“Shut it Scoots.” Apple Bloom countered before introducing herself. “Pleasure ta meet ya, Dandy. I'm Apple Bloom.”

“Sweetie Belle.” She chipped in.

“Scootaloo...” She said with a defeated sigh.

“Now, lets get that pie cut up proper an' dig in!” Apple Bloom said cheerfully.

“That sounds like a plan!” Dandy said happily.

***

Now, while this was going on, events were taking place that would end up involving repercussions that would shake the multiverse to its very core. Off in Canterlot, deep in the ancient stone foundations of the Princesses seat of power, something awoke. When it awoke, Celestia herself was in the middle of a late brunch as several lobbyists had taken up a good portion of her morning time in seeking out funding for some large scale factory, super farm or any other thing likely to make obscene amounts of money for minimal operating expenses. To say the least, their proposals were shot down unanimously once she had read through them. But now, in a rare moment of rest, she found herself shocked to say the least and a name on her lips when she felt it awaken.

“Dandy...” She whispered, eyes wide and an expression of unbelief fighting against a plethora of other emotions adorning her normally stoic facade.

“Your Majesty?” One of her maids asked, worried at her odd behavior. “Is everything alright?”

“Please excuse me,” she said hastily as she left her chair and made her way around the table. “There's a very important matter that I need to deal with at this moment.”

“Of course.” The maid replied, reverting to her etiquette training despite curiosity and worry warring inside. Once Celestia had left the hall, she ran. She didn't walk briskly, trot, canter or even use a teleportation spell to go to her destination. No. She ran. Guards, maids, government workers and even tourists were witness to a sight that defied logic. One of their Princesses was running. What could it be that caused one of their stoic and steadfast rulers to run down the halls? They would likely never know, but they knew one thing for certain. It wasn't good.

After several almost ran-into-ponies, sixteen thousand bits worth of personal property damage and a half hour later, Celestia stood before a dark gray expanse of wall. The only thing to set this area apart from any other nondescript expanse of wall was a small, triangle shaped protrusion around shoulder height. To the many ponies that had seen it over the past centuries, it was something of an odd curiosity. To Celestia, however, it was a lock to keep one of her many secrets, and a precious treasure safe.

As her breathing slowed, she slowly removed her right forehoof from its gilded covering and placed it on the upper surface of the protrusion which flashed with a dim green light before reverting to its previous state. A second after the light died, a sharp hiss of pneumatically sealed air sounded to the left of the object as a section of the wall slid back and to the left revealing a bright, white hallway that slanted slightly down. Without wasting another second, Celestia strode purposefully through the entrance and the door resealed itself behind her. She walked briskly down the white marble hallway, the floor and walls polished to a nearly perfect mirror finish, her hooves echoing hollowly around her. Eventually, the hallway ended as she walked into a room three times the size of the throne room, home to a massive construct that did not belong on their small planet or in their very dimension.

It was a space ship.

And it was hers.

***

“So...” Dandy said, his voice muffled by a mouthful of pie. “What are you three? I know you're girls at least, but seriously. What are you?”

“We're ponies!” Sweetie Belle chirped happily.

“Ponies?” He asked for clarification. Surely these cute little things couldn't be related to what he knew as ponies. “But you talk! Ponies don't talk!”

“Well you're a big ape and all they do is hoop and holler, throwing their crap everywhere.” Scootaloo retorted scathingly.

“I'm not an ape.” He replied with a scornful glance at his antagonist. “I'm a human.”

“Hew-man?” Apple Bloom said curiously. “Funny sounding thing ta call yerself.”

“Hey, I didn't come up with the name,” he replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Some guy or other did thousands of years ago.”

“Huh.”

“So why are you here, Dandy?” Sweetie asked. “Are you lost or something?”

“Something like that,” he said with a sigh. “Our ship crashed a little ways off from here and we don't know where we are.”

“Crashed?!” Apple Bloom said suddenly. “You're what made that hullabaloo last night?”

“I guess so,” he said with a chagrined grimace. “My ship's okay, so I thought I'd do a little exploring around to see if there was any civilization on this planet and it looks like I found it.”

“I'd say so,” Apple Bloom said with a chuckle.

“What do you mean 'planet,' Dandy?” Sweetie Belle asked as she picked up on his choice of words.

“I'm an alien hunter!” He said with a dramatic flourishing of his fork. “I look for new species of aliens, risking life and limb to take them to the Space Alien Registration Bureau! If they're unregistered, I get a decent amount of scratch for my troubles,” he finished with a grin at the white filly.

“So... where are you from exactly?” Apple Bloom asked, apparently not getting the core concept.

“Space!” He said, pointing to some unknown point through the roof of their clubhouse.

“No way.” Scootaloo scoffed around her mouth of pie. “He has to be lying. I mean, look at him! He isn't even wearing a space suit... Besides, he's not even a robot!”

“So?” He said mockingly. “If I can breath your air, I don't need a suit.”

“He's got ya there, Scoots.” Apple Bloom snickered. She just stuck her tongue out at Apple Bloom for a reply.

“So, are you really not from here?” Sweetie asked, her eyes wide in wonder.

“Darn right, little missy.” He replied.

“Do you think you could show us what it's like?” She asked, suddenly gushing with an overabundance of hopeful excitement. At his confused expression, she pointed through the roof with her unoccupied hoof.

“Oh!” He said, suddenly understanding. “Why the heck not?”

***

Back in Canterlot, far below the castle, Celestia walked through the bowels of the ship. As she made her way through it, memories came to her unbidden, memories of a time long ago that were struck from the annals of history. With a bittersweet smile, she finally came to her destination. A room in a roughly oval shape with dead consoles, empty seats and air that had a faintly antiseptic aroma to it. Well, that's not entirely accurate as one of the consoles had a faintly pulsing light, drawing her attention to it like an iron shaving to a lodestone. She paused for a moment, watching it pulse a few more times to ensure that it was real and not some figment of her imagination. Satisfied that it was real, she strode over to the seat behind the console, took a seat and raised her hoof to press the button and paused a hairsbreadth away from making contact with it. Is it worth it? She thought, suddenly weary. It would be nice to see him after so long... With that thought, she made contact with the button. Before her, the console lit up and a display rose up before her, showing a topographic representation of Equestria with two differently colored dots, one golden and the other red. She pressed a couple buttons and the display shifted quickly to show the area immediately around the red dot.

“He's near Sweet Apple Acres?” She said softly, with a heavy tone of incredulous disbelief. “It's almost as though Fate's playing a joke on me or something.”

***

“Awesome!” Apple Bloom yelled, flakes of pie crust flying from her mouth. “Ya can really do it?!”

“Just who do you think I am?” He asked rhetorically.

“Some weirdo who tried to steal our pie?” Scootaloo snarked.

“I said I was sorry!” Dandy groused.

“No you didn't.” Scootaloo retorted grumpily.

“Oh... Sorry?” He said lamely.

“Yeah, like that's an apology...” She scoffed.

“Ugh! What is your deal?!”

“My 'deal' is that some weirdo jerk broke into our clubhouse and tried to eat all of our pie!”

“Jeez! What do I need to do to show you I'm sorry!”

“Shut it, Scoots.” Apple Bloom cut in. “Lets say he can take us to see outer space and does. That good enough fer ya?”

“Only if there's a robot...” She grumbled.

“Oh! Then there isn't a problem.” Dandy said happily. “When you girls are done with your pie, we can get going.”

“Sweet!” Scootaloo said, her excitement over the upcoming adventure finally breaking through her annoyance at Dandy.

“I was wondering about something, Dandy...” Sweetie said, pausing in her eating while her friends began to eat their pie with gusto.

“Yeah?”

“Well... you were talking about that Registration Bureau and we don't know anything about it.” She said slowly. “So if we went there with you to get registered and you get all that money, would you take us all on an adventure?”

“An adventure?”

“Yeah!” She said, brimming with excitement. “You see, we're trying to get our cutie marks and I don't think anypony anywhere has a cutie mark from space, so if we get one on an adventure with you, we would have the most special cutie marks in all of Equestria!” At her words, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo stopped eating, looked up from their plates and looked to Sweetie Belle in awe of her idea.

“What's a cutie mark?” He asked.

“It a symbol that appears on our flanks that shows what our special talent is.” Scootaloo provided.

“Huh,” he said with a perplexed expression. “Well if that don't beat all...”

“So, how about it?” Sweetie asked seriously. “We got a deal?”

“Eh, why not?” He said nonchalantly. “I mean, really... What's the worst that could happen?”

With their plan set in motion, and agreement made, the pie was eaten in record time. Soon enough they found themselves leaving the clubhouse and walking between the trees of Sweet Apple Acres. As they walked, Dandy brought his communicator up and pressed a small button which caused it to glow blue instead of its usual green.

“What're ya doin'?” Bloom asked as she saw him start waving his arm around.

“I got kinda lost on the way to your clubhouse, so I'm using my communicator to point me in the right direction.” He answered.

“So waving your arm around like an idiot has a purpose. Who woulda guessed?” Scootaloo said with a snicker.

“Just shut up and follow me, smart ass.” He grumbled. She just snickered more but kept silent as Dandy started walking when the bracelet changed its color from blue to red. It took them about twenty minutes before glimpses of the golden hull of the Aloha Oe started peeking through the foliage. Soon enough, they were standing between a pair of trees, staring at the full glory of his ship. “So, whaddaya think?” Unsurprisingly, the trio of fillies were completely silent, eyes wide and mouths agape. He just chuckled at their expressions and started walking to the open bay. Without looking back, he yelled, “Are you three coming or what?”

Snapping out of their haze of disbelief (after all, who would have thought that this strange creature would actually be what he said he was, not to mention the absolutely massive ship he flew in on) they cantered over and followed him up the ramp. They walked through a sliding door that opened after he hit it lightly and into the ship proper.

“Welcome to the Aloha Oe, girls.” He said warmly. “I normally don't do this sorta thing, but I'll give you a grand tour.”

“I thought a space ship would have been... shinier,” Scootaloo said with a slightly put off tone.

“Shinier?”

“I mean... It's shiny and all, but I thought it would be like... twenty percent shinier.”

“Why would my ship need to be so shiny?”

“I dunno.” She replied. “It just felt like something I should point out.”

“Right.” He deadpanned. “C'mon, lets go.”

With that, he took his newest companions on to show them the wonders of his mighty ship.

***

“Twilight?!” Celestia called upon immediately teleporting into the middle of Golden Oaks main floor. “I urgently need your help!”

“Princess Celestia?!” She half yelled as she flipped herself over the back of her couch where she had been reading. “What's the matter?” She asked as she raised her head over its back, a worried expression on her face.

“Has Applejack been by at all with word of an explosion or tremors near her house?” She asked urgently. “Something has happened and I need to go out to her farm to deal with it.”

“No, she hasn't.” Twilight said. “We should get over there sooner rather than later if it has you this worked up.”

“Yes, Twilight.” She said worriedly. “Time is of the essence here.”

“Alright, let me teleport us then.” She said as she trotted around the couch to stand beside the taller alicorn. A moment of concentration, and a flash of lilac light found the pair a few paces from the front porch of the farmstead.

“What the hay?!” Applejack yelled as they blinked into existence inches in front of her snout, Twilight looking slightly grim and a Celestia worried that was shifting slightly in anxiety. A worried Celestia was never a good thing.

“Applejack!” Twilight said in relief. “Just the pony we were looking for.”

“Yer lookin' fer me? What about?” She asked, confused and slightly frightened by their odd behavior.

“Did you notice any explosions or tremors last night?” Celestia asked urgently. “I need to know if you have.”

“Not that I know of.” She said with a strange look. “But then again, it's apple buckin' season, so sometimes Big Mac or Ah end up sleep buckin' the walls somethin' fierce. If somethin' like that happened last night, we prob'ly slept right through it. What's this all 'bout anyway, Princess?”

“I need to quickly find someone who recently arrived on Equestria. He landed in the woods near the edge of your property and I think that if we hurry, we can still make it in time before he leaves again.”

“We what're we waitin' fer, Princess?” Applejack said as she pawed the ground. “Lets get a move on!”

At her words, Celestia hesitated slightly before whirling around slightly to take to the air with Twilight a moment behind her while Applejack galloped at full speed behind them. They made quick progress and soon spotted a glinting object some few miles in the distance.

“Princess!” Twilight yelled, slightly breathless at the rapid pace they were flying. “What is that?!”

“Thank Faust he's still here...” She muttered as she lowered her head and beat her wings all the harder, leaving Twilight behind. “There's still a chance...”

“Princess!” Twilight called futilely.

***

“And that's it!” Dandy said with a flourish as they stood in the cockpit, the forests around them visible for miles around through the windows.

“I thought you said you had a robot.” Scootaloo said accusingly, slightly glaring up at Dandy.

“I do, but the heck if I know where that rust bucket's at.” He replied helplessly. “I'm not his keeper.”

“Whatever.” She replied with a sigh.

“So, you three ready to go?” He said with a roguish grin.

“Sure!” Sweetie said excitedly.

“Great! Hop in one of the seats and we'll be on our way!” He said eagerly. With varying levels of excitement, they did as he said while he powered up the ship which hummed and vibrated slightly as its engine started up.

“Whoa! Did you feel that?!” Apple Bloom said in a slightly nervous tone.

“Yeah!” Sweetie responded with barely concealed excitement. “This is gonna be so awesome!”

“Hold on tight, girls! We're ready to go!” He yelled as he pulled back on the controls. They looked outside with wide eyes as the ship began to ascend and the trees began to slowly fall disappear.

“Holy hay he wasn't lying after all.” Scootaloo said softly, still skeptical until the very end.

***

“No...” Celestia said as a feeling of dread formed in the bottom of her stomach as she saw the ship began to rise from the ground. “No! Dandy, wait!” She yelled uselessly at the leaving ship. Though she tried her hardest, she had missed her chance as the Aloha Oe continued to rise further, its nose tilting up as it prepared to fire its main thrusters. A moment later, a violet jet of energy appeared from behind and it started to accelerate to escape velocity. It tripled in size and before long, it was nothing more than a black speck in the sky. Wearily, Celestia finally descended to the crash site and sat down in the middle of it, still looking at the spot where his ship had finally disappeared from sight. She sat there for about minute before Twilight finally landed at the edge of the site where she waited for Applejack to catch up about another minute later.

They slowly walked up to the Princess, uncertain as to what they should do exactly. To say the very least, it was unsettling to see her in such a state. Eventually, Applejack had had enough and decided to cut to the heart of the matter. “What the hay was that, Princess?”

“Someone I knew from a very long time ago, Applejack.” She replied listlessly. “Someone I don't think I'll see ever again, honestly.”

“Why do you say that, Princess?” Twilight said cautiously.

“Well, I'm pretty sure he doesn't remember me or where he was, so I doubt he'll be by again.” She replied.

“Why don't you go after him?” Applejack said seriously.

“I can't just leave Equestria so suddenly and without warning, Applejack. It would cause total chaos and I doubt Luna would appreciate having to deal with the mess.”

“Why don't you send us then?” Applejack said with a gun-ho grin. “Ah'm sure Big Mac can handle tha chores fer a while an' Apple Bloom can lend a hoof here or there.”

“I couldn't ask you to do that for me, Applejack,” she said as she turned to look at the mare.

“Yer not askin', Princess, Ah'm volunteerin'.” She replied.

“I'd be happy to help reunite you with your friend too, Princess.” Twilight added earnestly. “In fact, I'm sure all the girls would be happy to help too.”

“No, I couldn't have you girls do that. I know him too well for it to be an easy matter of chasing him down.” She replied.

“We'll make it happen fer ya.” Applejack said seriously. “After all you've done fer us, it's the least we could do.” Twilight nodded in agreement.

“If you truly want to...” She said, giving them one last chance to back out, but seeing their expressions firm, she continued. “Then tell any of the girls that if they come along that they may be gone for a very long time. It won't be easy and might not always make sense, but I would forever be in all of your debt if you bring him back. Once you have everything taken care of, make haste to Canterlot and meet me in the throne room.”

“Sure thing, Princess.” Applejack said with a smile. “Ah just gotta check on tha Crusaders real quick an' Ah'll go make my rounds to tha girls.”

“I'll go let Pinkie Pie and Rarity know what's going on, Applejack.” Twilight said before she disappeared in a flash of light.

“I'll accompany you, Applejack, if you don't mind.” Celestia said as she stood up. “I need to clear my mind a little bit anyway.”

“Ah don't mind, Princess, though the Crusaders might be a bit surprised at seein' ya. They were havin' a sleep over in their clubhouse instead o' tha farm so they wouldn't have ta deal with our sleep buckin'.” She said with a smirk. At Celestia's smile, Applejack turned and made her way back into the woods with Celestia close behind. Some time later, the clubhouse came into view, though it was strangely silent to Applejack. “Must be takin' a nap or somethin'. Shouldn't take me long to check up on 'em then.” She said as she made her way up the ramp. Celestia sat down and lowered her head in weariness from her frantic flight. If she hadn't sat exactly there, lowered her head at exactly that angle and the time of day had been any earlier, she wouldn't have seen something that made her heart seemingly jump into her throat as it did. She saw a set of footprints in the soft soil surrounding the clubhouse. Footprints that couldn't belong to any pony.

“He wouldn't...” She whispered, eyes widening. “He would...” She corrected.

“Huh...” Applejack said as she came back out. “Ah thought they'd be here since Scootaloo's scooter an' wagon's still here, but they must be out playin' or somethin'.”

“I... don't think that's the case, Applejack.” Celestia said, her heart still beating rapidly. “I think you girls need to get to Canterlot as fast as you can.”

“What do ya mean by that?” She asked, worry leaching into her voice.

“I think Dandy was here...” She said, her certainty about events firming in her mind. “And I think the girls might have left with him...”

“Left?” She repeated dumbly a moment before realization struck her harder than a buck from Big Mac to the face. “Y-you mean... up there?!”

“I'm afraid so, Applejack... It appears as though there's more at stake here than we had thought and time is of the essence.” Celestia said worriedly. “Quickly now! Gather your friends and I'll teleport us directly to Canterlot from the library.” At her last word, Applejack sprinted off as though the hounds of Tartarus were nipping at her hooves. Celestia sighed wearily, a long day suddenly becoming intolerably so. “Dandy... you idiot...”

“Princess!” Twilight yelled as she and the rest of her companions rushed into the library. “What's this about your friend taking the girls with him?!”

“I'm afraid it's true, everypony... Much to my dismay,” she responded sadly.

“What kind of brute would foal-nap three fillies!” Rarity fumed, her anger a raging inferno.

“When we catch up to that guy, I'm gonna buck him up with a sonic rain-boom!” Rainbow Dash said vehemently.

“Please, Rainbow Dash, go easy on him... He's kind of an idiot...” Celestia said wearily. Something about her expression gave pause to the assembled ponies.

“There's something yer not tellin' us, Princess.” Applejack said as she picked up on it. “There's somethin' yer hidin'.” Celestia winced at the accusation.

“If it's important, we should know about it, Celestia.” Twilight said, her tone probing.

“Yeah!” Pinkie chipped in. “You'll feel a lot better if you get it off your chest.”

“Well, I want to get the girls back as much as everypony else, but you seem upset about something and if it's important, we need to know.” Fluttershy said firmly, surprising everypony, even Celestia.

She sighed, worn down by the stress of the day and the words of her company. “Well... You see... He's... my fiancee'.”

Author's Note

Something that may or may not break minds... Continue at the peril to your sanity... or what's left of it anyway... :D

Three Little Fillies and a Pocket Full of Misery, Baby

Author's Note

Now with four hundred percent more explosives :pinkiecrazy:

Three Little Fillies and a Pocket Full of Misery, Baby

Three fillies and a pocket full of misery, baby...

The silence that engulfed the library was startling to Celestia. It wasn't the silence of shock, fear, astonishment or any other sudden emotions. No, it was the silence of sentient minds simply unable or unwilling to comprehend what they had just heard. It took a little bit of time, but Celestia's proclamation finally reached their subconscious minds and they reacted on some instinctual level to her words: Fluttershy tried her absolute best to become an inanimate version of herself, Rarity began to grind her horn into the wooden floor of the library with a look of bizarre fury accompanied by an incredibly unladylike grunting, Applejack began to eat her hat with a wide grin, Rainbow Dash felt it necessary to fly around in fast circles above Applejack, Twilight's eyes began to dilate as her mind attempted to incorporate this new piece of information into her world-view and Pinkie Pie simply smiled a knowing smile as she patted Celestia's shoulder as if she knew exactly what she was going through.

Celestia really wasn't sure if she should let this sudden bout of madness run its course or not, but time was of the essence in dealing with Dandy and his unique nature. With a sigh, Celestia rubbed the back of her head through her flowing mane and muttered Discord's name with only the slightest feeling of remorse. A few seconds later, she felt his uniquely oily brand of magic ripple through the ether as he appeared roughly in the middle of the Element bearers.

“Why, Celestia...” he began, only to trail off as he noticed the usually collected ponies and seemed to draw in on himself. “What's this?”

“Well...” she said lamely before explaining what had happened, leaving the embodiment of chaos with a look of incredulity. “So that's about the gist of everything. Could you maybe help out here a bit? We need to get moving sooner rather than later.”

“What? Just so you can hunt down your lover boy? Who, might I add, always manages to show up when the buffet is refreshed and takes off with the best bits.”

“Oh, come on, Discord,” Celestia retorted hotly. “Just because Dandy always takes the pudding skin doesn't make him a bad guy. Why do only you two like pudding skin anyways? I mean, it's not even that great!”

“That's beside the point!” Discord pouted. “It's the principle of the thing.”

“Wait... There's a principle to pudding skin?”

“What? No!” Discord said in utter confusion. “Why would pudding skin have principle?”

“Oh, sorry Discord,” she apologized for the strange turn in conversation. “I'm kinda half panicking right now since three fillies were just transported into space and likely another dimension entirely if Dandy initiates his hyper-drive, plus we have no idea what may or may not happen with them and Dandy. We all know how absurd their antics can get without outside influence, so I'm sure you know why we need to get them back as soon as possible, right?”

“Right. I really don't want to deal with those ripples of chaos,” Discord said with a sigh. Even a god had his limits after all. “So... what exactly am I supposed to do here?”

“I don't know,” Celestia said honestly. “Help them cope with the fact that I'm engaged maybe? That would be a start.”

“Fine...” Discord sighed. He walked around slapping first Rarity, then Applejack, then Twilight. As he came to Fluttershy, he opted to gently shake her instead of slapping her back to reality. As Applejack staggered away, Rainbow Dash began to buzz around Discord's head; he reached up, grabbed her by the face and shook her vigorously before letting her stumble away on shaky hooves. Pinkie, meanwhile, had stopped patting Celestia's shoulder, and now stood slightly apart from the others, patiently awaiting her slapping.

“Everypony back to normal?” He asked the dazed ponies, who responded with various affirmatives and silent promises of retribution. “Well... You heard it straight from the horse's mouth. Celestia's engaged. She has been for a couple millennia now, though I'm sure there's a statute of limitations on that sort of thing...”

“There is no such thing, Discord!” Celestia half shouted. “That's not even funny! That's just plain mean!”

“And Dandy's a pudding skin stealing d-bag,” Discord deadpanned before winking out of existence.

“Whut?” Applejack said succinctly.

“Ummm...” Rarity mumbled before regaining some semblance of a working mind. “Princess... You said that you... and he... were engaged?”

“You are correct, Rarity,” Celestia replied.

“How does that even work?” Rainbow said as she tenderly rubbed her brightly glowing cheek. “We never even heard about him courting you.”

“Well, it did happen quite a while ago...” Celestia said as she blushed slightly.

“Exactly how long ago are we talking about here?” Twilight asked.

“Roughly three thousand years ago?” she said sheepishly.

Twilight gave Celestia her most incredulous look. “So... basically, your fiance of three thousand years decided to show up without so much as a word of warning, didn't even say 'hi' to you and decided to foalnap three fillies? He seems like a pretty big jerk to me.”

“Oh Twilight, you don't know the whole story or even who he is. I don't think anypony, or most sentient life could understand him completely.”

“Please enlighten us then.”

“We can't afford the time right now, Twilight, though I'll gladly tell you all about how we met and our story on your journey. But for right now, we have to get to the castle and get you adjusted to the ship as soon as possible.”

“Ship?” Applejack said slightly nervously.

“Not a ship like you know it,” Celestia said with a slightly proud smile. “This is my ship. Let me show you girls my Ku'uipo.”

***

Once the group of slightly distressed but driven ponies had gathered around Celestia for a long range teleportation, they found themselves standing in a dull gray hallway with a familiar protrusion sticking out from a blank wall. They were looking around for some sign of a ship when the light cleared, but much to their confusion, found nothing but a dull hallway. Celestia didn't waste any time, however, as she stepped forward to open the door with an unshod hoof.

“Where are we, Princess?” Twilight asked as she turned back to see Celestia place her hoof on the topmost surface of the protrusion.

“We're in one of the auxiliary hallways in the lowest portion of Canterlot Castle,” Celestia replied as she removed her hoof and slipped it back in its shoe as the door slid open soundlessly. “Nopony comes here except for a rare guard patrol and cleaning crews. Now, quickly girls, enter first, as the door will close behind me.” At her words, the motley group of ponies made their way into the brightly-lit passage followed, by the ancient alicorn. “When the castle was commissioned, I made a few... personal modifications once the construction was complete. Much of what resides down here shouldn't even be seen by anything living on this world aside from Luna and myself due to pantheonic, interdimensional and intergalactic laws, but there are certainly extenuating circumstances in this case.”

“Wait a moment...” Twilight said as she shook her head in confusion. “Did you say 'pantheonic?' As is pantheon?”

“Of course,” Celestia replied. “I have a membership to the pandimensional pantheon, as does Luna. Though I haven't felt it the proper time to bring Cadance into the know as of yet as she has a lot more to learn about love and I wouldn't have her exposed to that cur Loki or the gods of hedonism and eroticism. I was planning on taking you to get registered in another month or so once you started growing into your deistic power, but it looks like there might not be a good opportunity, so you should get registered before you come back. I have some guest passes for you girls to use in case we need to call in some favors.”

“Registration?”

“Certainly Twilight. All gods, large or small must register with the pandimensional pantheon to get their benefits.”

“Benefits?”

Celestia heaved a lighthearted sigh and smiled at Twilight, “Please, let's focus on the most important matter at hoof. You have an incredible amount of instruction manuals and tutorials to go through within the next twenty four hours, as do each of your friends if you're to safely pilot my Ku'uipo.”

“Okay, Princess.” Twilight replied lamely. “But still... This is a lot for me to take in all at once.”

“You think you have it rough, Twilight?” Rainbow Dash said sarcastically. “I've just been on autopilot for the last five minutes. Just how long is this hallway anyways?”

“We're almost there, Rainbow Dash,” Celestia answered succinctly. “I had to be sure that the hangar was located deeply enough within the mountain to ensure that no harm would come to it or anypony if something unfortunate were to happen.”

“Might I inquire as to what kind of vessel it is?” Rarity asked politely.

“It's an identical model to what Dandy pilots, though the aesthetics are far more tasteful in my opinion. It was a birthday present from him during our first year together since he thought I deserved a ship of my own.”

“Oh...” Rarity said as she grimaced in a very unattractive way at the fact that she would be using something that was bought by the individual that took her sister away to who knew what or where.

“Neat!” Pinkie said in her usual good cheer.

“It certainly was very thoughtful and kind of him,” Fluttershy added quietly.

“'Specially since we're gonna use it ta chase 'im down with it.” Applejack said as a grin spread across her face.

“That may be, Applejack, but please try to be gentle on her? I haven't taken her out of here for a couple millenia and I would hate to have to get her repainted,” said Celestia as she looked worriedly over her shoulder.

“We'll try our best to keep 'er whole an' in one piece.”

I'll have to see if I can manage to get an insurance policy before they leave... If I know these girls like I think I know them, then either it'll come back better than new or I might just get the figurehead back... Celestia thought as they finally passed out of the long access hallway revealing the massive room in which her ship resided. In form, it was identical to the ship Dandy owned, though the ship itself was painted with a mural that showed a white sand beach just at the break of dawn, the ocean almost black while the sky was just beginning to lighten on the horizon as a wide bank of clouds began to slightly break up with the coming of the sun. To the assembled ponies, the image provided them with a sense of hope for their desperate quest. Glad to know my paint job is still striking to others. Celestia thought with a smile as she saw their faces lose some of the stress and worry they had worn for the past while.

“Girls? This is my Ku'uipo,” Celestia said with a sweeping gesture. “It will take a little while for her to do a full systems diagnostic, but it should be finished with time to spare before you leave tomorrow morning. Twilight will be busy reading the operating manuals for the most part and I would like to have her take the role of captain as her multitasking abilities are bar none. Rainbow, I'll have you running flight simulations to get adjusted to piloting her. Rarity, I would have you act as the supply quartermaster while I would have Pinkie Pie act as the navigation quartermaster. Fluttershy, I'll have you get acquainted with the medical facilities and Applejack can see what she can cook up in the kitchen.”

“Why have Pinkie Pie be the navigator?” Twilight asked in confusion.

“Well, as I said earlier, Dandy is incredibly elusive. I'm hoping Pinkie Pie's unique ability would be able to help steer you girls in the right direction.”

“I guess that might work,” Twilight said after a moment. “Oh, I almost forgot in all this confusion. What're we gonna tell Spike? We left while he was out on errands and didn't even leave a note!”

“Don't worry, Twilight. I'll send a note once you girls get settled on the ship,” Celestia reassured. “Now come along, we have much to do and little enough time.” With that, Celestia led the group of ponies up to the impressive bulk of the ship as it softly lit up as its owner came closer.

***

“You know something?” Scootaloo said after about a half hour after their departure. “Space is pretty boring.”

“Yeah, it is,” Dandy replied, “That's why I spend a lot of time at BooBies.”

“BooBies?” Apple Bloom said confusedly. “Funny thing to name a place.”

“It sounds kinda fun to me.” Sweetie Belle chipped in. “Plus it sounds like something bouncy.”

“You have no idea, kid.” Dandy said grinning.

“Well, lets check it out after we get registered.” Scootaloo supplied.

“Sure thing,” Dandy said as he checked one of the monitors. “Huh... It looks like I'm way out in the boondocks. There aren't even any space-nav buoys.”

“I know I'm going to be asking this a lot, but what are those?” Scootaloo asked with a resigned sigh.

“They're like signs in space that tell you where you're at and where other things are in relation to them.”

“Huh... So can we go any faster so we can get to wherever we need to go?”

“Oh yeah...” Dandy replied grinning. “I'm sure Qt's gonna bitch at me for it, but whatever. LET'S GET GOING!” he yelled just before he slammed his fist on the hyper-drive button. Instead of the light separating into its different wavelengths like it had in the past, the only thing that happened was a popping noise, like a soap bubble bursting. The excited fillies looked outside for any indication of their faster speed, but noticed nothing had changed.

“So... what was that about going faster?”

“Shut up,” Dandy groused. “The damn thing must be busted or something from the crash.”

“Right... So how long's it gonna take us to get to where we need to go?”

“I dunno. Maybe a few hours, or a day or two depending on how far out we are in the boondocks. If you're bored, you can look around the ship for Qt if you want. It's not like he has much of anything to do aside from keeping the place clean, info dump me at weird moments and nag the everliving crap outta me.”

“So who's this Qt guy anyways?”

“My robot. You basically know where the important stuff is, so just look around for the guy. I'm sure you'll find him sooner or later.”

“Sounds like a plan ta me, Scoots,” Apple Bloom said with a grin. “Maybe we'll get our cutie marks in robot hunting?”

“Yeah!” Sweetie Belle yelled, excited at their first chance to get a strange new cutie mark. “Come on Scootaloo! Let's get going!” She said as she unbuckled herself from the seat and trotted a few paces towards the exit.

“Fine...” Scootaloo conceded as she got out of her own seat to join Sweetie Belle as Apple Bloom did the same. With the trio mobile again, they left the cockpit and began talking over plans and the possible dangers of robots.

Meow, for his part, had been busily trying to sleep off the worst symptoms of his concussion. He had been told repeatedly that falling asleep with a concussion might mean he would never wake up again, but he was fine with that. He liked his sleep anyway. Since he had woken up in a rather uncomfortable position and didn't feel like sleeping on the overly soft couch, he made his way to the messy little room that he had claimed for his own and flopped haphazardly onto the rather large pile of dirty laundry that he made his bed.

Roughly four hours later, he finally woke up feeling mostly normal aside from a little soreness due to the crash earlier. As he blearily wiped the sleep from his eyes, he got up and left his room in search of food only to literally bump into Qt who had been waiting for him to get up.

“Oh... Hey Qt. How long have I been out?” he asked as a massive yawn cracked his jaw.

“Almost five hours now. We've already left that planet and we're on our way back into known territory.”

“Oh, cool. You think you could make me something to eat? I don't feel like setting the ship on fire right now.”

“Sure. Just head on over to the kitchen and I'll be back with the supplies.” Qt said while he turned and started rolling down the hallway.

“Thanks, Qt. I'll be waiting,” Meow said to the retreating robot. With another, albeit less severe yawn, Meow meandered his way to the kitchen. Normally, this would be nothing out of the ordinary for Meow as he followed his usual schedule while with Dandy. This was not a normal day, however, as he had just rounded a corner and found himself face to face to face to face with a trio of brightly colored fillies who had literally frozen in their tracks at the sight of him. With sleep clouding his mind and food his only thought at the moment, Meow did what anyone would expect of him. He said, “Hi.”

The trio of fillies took a simultaneous gasp of air before they assaulted his ears with shrieks so piercing that any glass within twenty feet of them would have shattered. To say the least, Meow's eardrums fared little better. As he was reeling from the unexpected assault, the fillies ran off back down the hallway they had come from.

“What the heck did I do to deserve this?” Meow complained to nobody in particular as a little trickle of blood leaked onto his hand from his abused ear. “Maybe I should let Dandy know he has some weird alien hitchhikers on board... Or maybe... I could try to capture them myself! Oh man... With all that money, I could do whatever I wanted! I could probably buy my own place on some tropical resort planet and spend the rest of my life in the lap of luxury with cute maids and everything! Oh man... All the things I could buy...”

While Meow was busy with dreams of grandeur that would likely never happen, the fillies had been running as though they had stumbled upon the lair of a rabid manticore. Their flight took them on many twists and turns, down a flight of stairs and into a dark room that held more than a few olive colored boxes. Once they secured the door, they held their breath and listened for any signs of pursuit. After a few tense moments of suspense, they finally let go of the breaths they were holding.

“Ah think we lost... whatever it was, girls,” Apple Bloom said as she sat down with a little huff.

“What was that thing anyway?” Scootaloo asked the equally oblivious pair.

“Beats me, but let's forget robot hunting and try to capture that thing. Who knows what kind of mischief it could get into on Dandy's ship if we let it go?”

“It could throw all our plans out of whack if it's up to no good,” Scootaloo said seriously. “We can't let that happen.”

“But what if it's a nice alien?” Sweetie said with a ponderous look as she thought about their first encounter with it. “I mean, all it did was say 'hi' before we ran off.”

“That's how they always get you, Sweetie,” Scootaloo said confidently. “I've read more than enough comics to know how it'll end up if we let it stay loose.”

“How will what end up?”

“We'll wake up to find ourselves in some cocoon after it lays its eggs inside of us! Or maybe it'll clone one of us and take over the ship one at a time as it infiltrates us one after another until there's no one left! There's a lot more I could tell you about aliens, but it's even worse than what I've already told you.”

“Worse?!” Sweetie squeaked as her eyes widened in fear.

“Oh yeah, way worse,” Scootaloo affirmed, “So that's why we need to take this thing out now.”

“Ah think yer right, Scoots, but what do we have to deal with it? Where are we anyways?”

“I'unno. Let's look around to see what we can find and see if it's useful at all.”

The other two fillies just nodded in agreement as they began to split up and look around the room. For the most part, the room was filled with heavy looking crates colored a dark olive green and sealed shut with shiny silver flip latches. Once they had satisfied their curiosity about what was in the room, they finally decided to begin opening the crates. With a little hoof work, they managed to open the latches, and with a little teamwork, lift the heavy cover open. Inside the crate were several dark gray spherical objects with what looked like handles.

“Huh...” Apple Bloom said as she picked one of them up and looked at the curious item. “What're these supposed ta be?”

“Beats me,” Scootaloo replied.

“Wait a minute, Apple Bloom,” Sweetie said as she noticed a bright yellow square on the underside of the lid showing what looked like instructions though the bottom section was missing. “It says you gotta pull the ring out and throw it. I'm not really sure what it's supposed to do, but they may be useful. Let's take some with us.”

“How?” Scootaloo asked, “It's not like we have saddlebags or anything.”

“Then why don't we look around a bit more, Scoots,” Apple Bloom said with a long suffering sigh at her slightly short minded friend. “Maybe we can find something else that might be useful.”

“I guess it couldn't hurt,” she conceded.

“Right,” Apple Bloom said as she readied to get down to business, “Then let's get lookin'.”

After another fifteen minutes of energetic searching, the trio had found several black messenger bags with many pockets along with matching vests, more of those spherical objects, a box of net launchers, some communicators that they clipped to their ears and tested out with Apple Bloom's help at deciphering the instructions and some cylindrical things that seemed to shoot something. As they found their selves geared up and raring to go, Scootaloo called them for a brief meeting.

“Alright girls, we know what we're dealing with here. An alien. We don't know what it can do or what its motives are, but I just want you all to know that if I get caught or something happens to me, just make sure you get revenge for me.”

“C'mon Scoots,” Apple Bloom scoffed, “It ain’t like we haven't been up against tough odds before. This ain't no different.”

“I know, I know, but still. I want you to promise me. We should all make that promise for each other while we're at it.”

“Alright Scoots, Ah promise,” Apple Bloom replied as she rolled her eyes slightly.

“I guess,” Sweetie Belle added in an unsure tone. Scootaloo nodded and looked grim as she led the way down the hallway with their collective revenge pact sealed, though she didn't get far as the startling noise of compressed gas being released and a high velocity net came careening after her, leaving her an undignified bundle of fur, feathers and shock. “Oops...”

Trying her hardest not to laugh and failing, Apple Bloom made her way over to the neatly bundled Scoots and asked, “Should we get revenge on the alien for this, or Sweetie?”

***

“So...” Qt said as he looked at Meow casually strolling around the living room with a large pole net and a rather massive set of padded earmuffs perched on his head that looked suspiciously like a pair of supportive undergarments. “What's up?”

“Aliens.”

“Aliens?”

“Yep. Aliens.”

“What about aliens?”

“There's some stowaway aliens aboard the ship and I want to capture them so I can get the registration money if they're new.”

“Huh...” Qt pondered. “Are you sure they're stowaways? I mean, Dandy did go outside the ship earlier. They could have come back with him.”

“I don't think so. When they saw me they shrieked so loudly I was bleeding from the ears. I'm pretty sure Dandy wouldn't bring anything like that on board without muzzles. I'm just glad I found a pair of earmuffs, even if they are a bit girly.”

“Maybe... So what do they look like?”

“The earmuffs?”

“No. The aliens.”

“Oh. Pretty small, colorful and it looked like they ran off on four legs.”

“Huh. I don't know about any sentient quadrupeds, so I would say that they're new aliens that we haven't encountered before,” Qt replied. “Do you know what they're capable of doing?”

“Well... Running away really fast and yelling really loudly. That's about all I know for now.” Meow replied as he lifted up the seat of a recliner.

“That's not really helpful,” Qt said with a sigh.

“I know, but if they're new to you, then we'll be going in blind anyway.”

“Eh, could be worse.”

“Please don't say that...”

***

Once Scootaloo had been extracted from the tightly wound net, the Crusaders made their way through the bowels of the ship. Since they were lost, they just took intersections that looked like they might lead somewhere. As they made their way through the ship, they made sure to keep their wits about them and remained on high alert for any signs of the creature they were searching for. For the most part, they had only encountered empty hallways and a few more storage rooms that they searched briefly.

“Where the heck is that thing?” Scootaloo griped as they made their way down another hallway. “I would have thought it would be stalking us by now or maybe tried to attack us, but we haven't seen anything.”

“Shouldn't that be a good thing, Scoots?” Apple Bloom said as she sighed a little.

“No. It's never a good thing. Who knows what it's up to right now? I mean, by this point, it could have made a nest, laid some eggs and hatched a new generation of aliens to do its evil bidding!”

“Do aliens really do that kind of thing?” Sweetie Belle asked as she kept fiddling with her gear as they made their way.

“It's what the comics say, so I'm just gonna go with what I know for now.”

“Maybe we should find Dandy and ask him what to do,” suggested Apple Bloom. “Since he is, ya know, the guy who would know 'bout all this.”

“We got this,” Scootaloo said in all confidence of their abilities. “Besides, when has any plan influenced by my comics gone wrong?”

“Ya know...” Apple Bloom began before sighing and giving up the good fight. “Let's get this over with so Ah can get somethin' ta eat. We haven't had anything ta eat since that pie earlier.”

“Yeah,” Sweetie added. “I'm getting pretty hungry myself.”

“Ugh... Fine,” Scootaloo said with an exasperated sigh as she picked up the pace, the others following closely behind her.

“There it is!” Scootaloo harshly whispered to her companions as they looked down from one of the air ducts into the kitchen. "Aren't you glad I convinced you girls to take the ventilation system now?”

“What do we do now?” Sweetie Belle asked as she watched Meow scrounge around the fridge for something to eat after having found neither hide nor hair of the little fillies.

“Alright, here's what we do...” Scootaloo began as she began to hash out a simple capture plan.

***

“Hmmm... This still smells good at least,” Meow said to himself as he sniffed a half full carton of milk before drinking straight from it. After having downed three healthy gulps of milk, Meow was suddenly distracted by the oddly musical clinking of three metal spheres bouncing across the floor of the kitchen, coming to rest only a mere foot away from him. Now, this was probably one of the least likely situations he ever would have imagined himself in, so it took him roughly three seconds for the sight to register fully. The fourth second, he choked on the milk he was drinking and was running into the living room as the fifth second ticked by. Then, as the sixth came around, the objects detonated in a localized area of would-have-been death.

“THAT WAS AWESOME!!!!” Screamed a slightly raspy voice from somewhere in the kitchen. “These things are so cool!”

Meow was still trying to come to terms with his near-death experience in the next room, so he paid little attention to the sound of three fillies dropping five feet to the floor in the other room.

“Shut it, Scoots. It might still be around.” Said another in a slightly hushed tone.

“You're right. Come on, let's go get it before it does anything worse than it already has.”

Oh craaaaap... Meow thought as he heard their footsteps nearing the exit. He spotted the couch halfway across the room and decided to risk running to it, barely getting to the cover as the fillies exited the kitchen. Risking a glance around the corner of the couch, he saw that they were splitting up to search the room. Oh this is bad... They raided the armory. I gotta get out of here and let Dandy deal with it.

With that thought, Meow steeled himself and prepared to make a run for it. He got three steps before a light pink and purple maned head rounded the couch in time for the two to slam together with a resounding shout from both of them. As Sweetie Belle fell back while flailing, she once again, triggered her net gun which sent its high-speed projectile rocketing up at the angled ceiling, where it ricocheted to ensnare a hapless Scootaloo by the recliner. Apple Bloom came around the other side of the couch, net gun at the ready and fired a little too high, inadvertently netting Meow's head and sending him flipping over Sweetie Belle.

“AH GOT 'IM!” She yelled triumphantly.

Dazed, more than a little confused and wanting desperately to run, Meow struggled back to his feet and ran off drunkenly as Apple Bloom was temporarily distracted by checking her flank for a cutie mark that still failed to appear. Her attention was quickly drawn back to Meow as he was making his getaway. With a slight grimace at noticing she hadn't done the job properly, Apple Bloom pulled around the longer, tubelike device to her shoulder, sat on her haunches and pressed the button just as he left her sight.

Meow thought he had made good his escape but felt his blood chill as the unmistakable hiss of high speed death coming his way. He was about seven feet from the place where the rocket propelled grenade hit, the blast wave sending him flying a short way before landing on his face and sliding a few more feet. By this point he was battered, bruised, mildly concussed and in fear for his very life. With the tenacity of someone with several times the safe amount of adrenaline in their system, he scrambled back up and sprinted for his life from the three fillies who were apparently hell bent on ending him.

“Huh... So that's what this does,” Apple Bloom mused aloud as the hot wind blew her mane back, a couple dark streaks of soot lining her face. “Ah'm sure Applejack could use a couple o' these to help 'round the farm with a few stubborn stumps.”

“Uuugh...” Sweetie Belle moaned as she propped herself up and rubbed the slightly tender spot caused by their collision. “What hit me?”

“That varmint when it tried to make a run fer it.”

“He must have a really hard head because that really hurt...”

“Hey, girls?” Scootaloo called in a sheepish voice from by the recliner. “Can I get some help? I got netted again...”

“How'd you manage that?” Apple Bloom said with a snort of amusement.

“Oh, wow... You look really cool right now Apple Bloom,” Scootaloo said from her odd position. “You should blow stuff up more often.”

“Ah'll think 'bout it, but right now we got more important stuff ta get on with,” she said with a smirk. “Come on, Sweetie, let's get Scoots untied. Again.”

With a giggle, she got up and walked over to help with the awkward process. About ten minutes later, Scootaloo was shaking herself like a dog as she got blood pumping back to her limbs from their confinement. With that taken care of, they formed up again and left the living room in search of their quarry. As they made their way, the trio made sure to keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary. They made good progress but soon came up short when Dandy's annoyed voice came over the intercom.

“Hey, girls! Get your butts back to the cockpit, pronto!”

“Maybe the explosions were too loud?” Sweetie asked looking like she got caught cutting Rarity's best bolt of fabric.

“Nah. Ah don't think they were too bad,” Apple Bloom said reassuringly. “But we should go see what he wants, just in case he knows where the alien's at.”

“May as well,” Scootaloo said as they took a left at an intersection that led back to the cockpit. “At the very least, we can take a little break.”

“Hey, Dandy, we're here!” Scootaloo called as the door slid open and the Crusaders walked jauntily in. They were brought up short as they saw their quarry hiding behind an irate Dandy.

“Just what the hell are you girls doing, raiding the armory without permission? And why were you three hunting Meow?” he asked angrily.

“Meow?!” Scootaloo exclaimed as she lowered herself aggressively. “This thing's an alien that's gonna kill us all!”

“Please!” Meow yelled back. “You three almost killed me! Twice!”

“We only tried to get you before you got us!”

“Would all of you SHUT THE HELL UP!!!” Dandy yelled the others into silence. “You three, apologize to Meow for almost killing him and giving him another concussion. Meow, just... shut up and take their apologies. It's kinda my fault for bringing them on without properly introducing all of you anyway, so I'll treat you at BooBies, Meow.”

“I guess that works for me.” Meow replied, slightly placated.

“So he's not gonna kill us all in our sleep?” Scootaloo said, her aggression bleeding away.

“Apparently not,” Apple Bloom replied with a snicker. “Sorry 'bout raiding the armory, Dandy... Meow, was it?” At his nod, Apple Bloom continued. “Yeah... Sorry 'bout almost blowin' you up a couple times back there.”

“Yeah...” Sweetie Belle said with a slight, but powerful pout. “Sorry, Dandy. Sorry, Meow.”

“Sorry for running into you back there,” Meow said to Sweetie Belle. “It was an accident, but since I was running for my life at the time I hope that's good enough.”

“It's alright. Just a little bump,” she replied with a little smile.

“Okay, Scoots. Yer turn,” Apple Bloom said, urging Scootaloo on.

“Fine...” Scootaloo began but pulled up short as she noticed the stink eye Dandy was giving her. “I get it, alright? I'm sorry for raiding the armory and almost killing Meow. That good enough?”

“For now,” Dandy replied with a raised eyebrow. “But you three are on cooking and dish duty for a week.”

“Sweetie Belle is not doing any of the cooking...” Scootaloo muttered vehemently.

“Hey!”

“Don't fret 'bout it, Sweets, Ah got it.” Apple Bloom cut in before her friends could get at each others' throats. A moment later, a ding from one of the counsoles drew Dandy's attention away from the group.

“Hey, guys! Good news! The ship just picked up a buoy! Looks like we're only a few hours out from the Alien Registration Bureau. We'll get you three registered, pick up the bounty money and head over to BooBies by suppertime. Since I'll be busy piloting, how about you three get started on dinner duty since I haven't had lunch yet.”

“Ah could use a bit to eat, now that ya mention it. Come on girls, may as well get started,” Apple Bloom said as she turned around and left the cockpit with a slightly bouncy Sweetie Belle and a muttering Scootaloo.

“Those girls are gonna be trouble, Dandy,” Meow said once the trio had left.

“Maybe, but they definitely have the initiative to be top notch bounty hunters,” Dandy replied with a lopsided grin. “Look at the number they did on you without any instruction, training or any real know how.”

Meow shuddered. “That's what frightens me, Dandy... That's what frightens me...”