Chocolate Pony Sailor

by DarthDusk

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Discord, Pinkie Pie, Mr. Cake, Main 6, Mrs. Cake, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 6509

Pinkie is low on bits and dosen't know what to do until she reads an ad in an Enchanted Comic Book!!

Pinkie is low on bits and dosen't know what to do until she reads an ad in an Enchanted Comic Book!!

Published 2014-02-20 10:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-14 23:29:52 UTC

Chapter 1

It was a beautiful summer day; Celestia’s sun was greeting the town of Ponyville with a warm glow. Everypony in town was busy at work at Ponyville Town Square; it was Saturday which meant one thing, Ponyville’s weekly Flea Market. However one very pink pony in particular was extremely busy rooting around in piles of random items in search for something for her latest party game.

"There just has to be some eyes in this pile” said Pinkie Pie flinging an old phonograph in the air continuing her crazed search. “I need them so we can make party masks!”

“Is there something you’re looking for because I can help you?” said a voice behind her.

“Hi Derpy! Do you have a pair of googly eyes?!” yelled the pink party pony which caused some bystanders to turn and look at the commotion. “Do you? “ Derpy just starred and turned around and slowly lifted her hind legs…

KA-POW!!

Next thing she knew Pinkie Pie was flying at least twenty feet through the air after being violently bucked by an extremely angry and offended Derpy.

“NICEBUCKYOUSHOULDREALLYHELPAPPLEJACKATAPPLEBUCKINGSEASON!!"Pinky yelled as she came hurdling to earth.

…..

“Hey! I have a complaint with that comic book you sold me last week! It sent me and my friends into the actual story and we had to fight the Mare-iac to get back to our world!!” yelled a displeased Spike

“We’ll you know that old saying ‘let the buyer beware’, all sells final!” said a smug Draconequus behind a booth with a sign saying CANTERLOT ENCHANTED COMICS. “But tell you what I’ll give you the next issue of The Power Ponies. In this one they fight the evil Iron Hoof."

“Well… okay as long as nothing crazy happens.” said Spike as he took the comic a walked away already reading it.

“Enjoy Humdrum I’m sure l someday you won’t be just a bumbling sidekick” called out Discord. Spike quickly turned around ready to tell him off when a pink asteroid hit the ground next to Discord’s booth with a sickly bone crunching… THUD!

“Okay… Ouch!!” said a dust covered Pinkie in the middle of a smoldering crater.

“Well, well, well if it isn’t the former Element of Laughter.” Said a deep, sly voice from a nearby booth.

“Discord what are you doing here?!” demanded Pinkie Pie as she picked herself up and brushed some dirt off her coat. “And what do you mean former Element of Laughter!!”

“You gave up your Element of Harmony to save the Tree of Harmony” grinned the draconequus.

“Yes, but even though we gave up our Elements our friendship is what connects us together and makes it’s more powerful than any magic and it will never break!” Pinkie said standing proud and tall.

“Yawn, haven’t we heard this speech before? Now either buy something or be gone.” Discord leaned back in his chair taking a sip out of his drink. “I’ve got a customer complaint to attend to.” pointing at an angry Spike. ”You have a complaint with customer service, my young drake?”

Spike walked up calmly to the comic book draconequus “Yeah I do have a complaint… WHY DON’T YOU GO EAT LEAMONS AND DIE!!” With a snap of Discord’s fingers all the comics on the top shelf flew up into the air and sprouted razor sharp fangs and growled like a pack of angry timberwolves and began to chase him away.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA….” The young dragon ran for his life towards the library with the comics hot on his heels.Pleased with his bad deed he threw his head back and let out a sinister laugh but quickly turned his attention towards an angry looking Pinkie Pie.

“Your still here?” he said sarcastically as he leaned his head close to the unhappy party pony.

“That wasn’t nice at all!! You should go apologize, Right Now!!” she scolded the chaotic comic book vender.

“I could or I could give you one of my comics for the low cost of five bits or if you go away and not tell Celestia on me” said Discord try to quickly get her to leave.

“I don’t have any more bits on me.” She said with a big smile on his face pulling out a tray full of sweets “I spent it all on cotton candy and funnel cake with strawberries and sprinkles!!”

“So take one and go away” a comic book was quickly shoved into her face titled “CRUEL BUT FUNNY: BACKSTABBER EDITION”. Pinkie removed the comic from her face and began to read it.

“Free Comic, Yay!” she exclaimed! She quickly opened the book and began to read, but as soon as she did her pupils grew and filled her entire eyes turning them pitch black. “Whoa! This could permanently warp my little mind!”

“I believe it’s far too late for that, my dear.” Scoffed the comic book draconequus “Now go and remember not a word to Celestia.” Pinkie Pie hopped away reading her new book. However just before she was out of earshot Discord called out to her “If your short on bits I here enchanted comic books have great ads that just might help you set sail to vast treasures!! “.
A sinister smile spread across his face knowing of the terrible events that would soon come to into play.

.....

“This comic is the greatest comic EVER!!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed as she bounced up in the air at a height level that would make any rabbit green with envy.
As Pinkie read her book, two garbage carts being pulled by some stallions accidently crash into each other dumping trash all over the road. They quickly began to argue about whose fault it is and telling each other off before breaking into a brutal fight determined to kick the other’s flank.

“I’m totally desensitized by gore and mayhem!! Who says comic books aren’t good for you.” Said Pinkie as a stray tooth from one of the stallions fell at her hooves. She picked up the tooth and smiled “somepony hasn’t been flossing regularly”

Chapter 2

Back in her room above the Cake’s shop Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie was searching her entire room for her piggy bank. She finally found it hidden under her bed along with a few random objects such as an accordion, big novelty sunglasses, and a toilet plunger. Pinkie shook the little porcelain pig as hard as she could and herd a small rattle. Her face erupted in a massive smile, her pink pony prayers had been answered giving the piggy one last shake only to have a single bit fall out of its slot and rolled to the middle of the floor. Pinkie’s big smile slowly became a small frown realizing how low on funds she was.

“Oh Gummy, I only have one bit left” she sadly said to her pet baby alligator who currently had his jaws clamped shut on the pink party pony’s tail “I spent all my money at the flea market now I don’t have enough to buy eyes for my party masks.”

Gummy just hung by his gums on his owner’s tail blank eyed before letting go and quickly jumped up and biting down on Pinkie Pie’s mane.

“Your right I can ask Mr. and Mrs. Cake if I can do some extra work for them” she said as her frown transformed into a big smile. Faster than speeding party supplies shot out of a cannon, she raced down the stars into the bakery and bounced up in front of her two employers.

“Hi Mr. and Mrs. Cake!! I was wondering is there any extra work I can do for you” exclaimed an extremely bouncy pink pony bouncing in front of them “I need some more bits to buy some googly eyes to make some party masks!!”

“Oh, Pinkie.” Said a surprised and Mrs. Cake “I’m sorry dear but we just finished completing the last of today’s orders and deliveries.”

“Hey! What about babysitting the twins for the rest of the day so you two can have some fun like going to the flea market and getting some cotton candy and funnel cake! That’s always super-duper fun for me!” Said Pinkie “They have strawberries, wiped cream, chocolate sauce… mmmm… chocolate sauce, sprinkles, and…”

“PINKIE!!” The Cake’s yelled loudly trying to get the extremely talkative pink pony to stop her crazy ramblings for a moment.

“Yes Mr. and Mrs. Cake.” Said Pinkie Pie which finally putting an end to her talk of desert toppings.

“We were planned to use this spare time to spend time with the twins” Mrs. Cake said calmly to the pink ball of excitement “we’re going to taking them to the playground in the park”

“Oh…” Pinkie’s smile turned into a small frown but immediately changed back “I know I’ll open up my Party Cannon Both again at the flea market and charge ponies three bits to get a party blast in the face from my cannon” Pinkie pulled out a small silver cannon with two pink wheels which had a daisy design on each wheel out of thin air.

“Pinkie Pie the Mayor and the Ponyville Police Department made it very clear that you can never do that again!! “ exclaimed a very nervous Mr. Cake holding up a folder which read Pinkamena Diane Pie's arrest record.

“Then I’ll do something else super duper fun… Iike something from inside a comic book!!” yelled a joy filled Pinkie Pie bolting up the stairs case. Cakes turned their heads towards each other each having looks of complete and total terror on their faces dreading what insane idea that pink party pony was concocting in her grapefruit shaped head.

…..

Pinkie Pie was sitting in the middle of her bedroom with her muzzle deep inside her new comic book.

“Hmmm… what I need is a harebrained scheme to get rich quick without trying” Pinkie said to herself flipping through the pages “Wait didn’t Discord say something about comic books has ads that just might help me set sail to vast treasures?!”

Pinkie turned to one page which had a number of ads advertising a number of things such as; Through Your Voice, Sea Beasts, X-Ray Goggles, and Novelty Disintegrator Ray that Really Works. She turned to the next page and fond an ad that filled up the whole entire page which read Chocolate Pony Sailor Dinghy Crew.

“Whoa! A Chocolate Pony Sailor” Pinkie Pie exclaimed clapping her hooves together in excitement.

“That’s Right Matey! I’m A Chocolate Pony Sailor!” the little picture of the Chocolate Pony Sailor on the page came to life and was talking to her!

“Eep!” Pinkie jumped in surprise from seeing the little sailor made of chocolate and dropping the book on the floor “You Can Talk?!”

“UNNH” said a muffled voice from the book which had closed when it hit the floor.

“Oopsy Daisy!“ Pinkie exclaimed quickly scooping up the book and turning it back to the Chocolate Pony Sailor ad. “Are you okay little sailor pony guy”

“I’m fine Lassie! I’m a rough and tough sailor made of chocolate!” said the little Chocolate Pony Sailor “Anyway Would you like to buy some chocolate?”

“Whatcha you want from me Chocolate Pony Sailor?!” Pinkie asked with suspicious tone.

“I want you Pinkamena Diane Pie to Join the Chocolate Pony Sailor Dinghy Crew! Sell Delicious Chocolate Pony Sailors complete with Chocolate Dinghies! “The little chocolaty sailor explained to the confused Pinkie Pie “And Reap a Bountiful Booty! All you have to do is send in your application along with one bit today and set sail on the high seas of riches!! “

“I’LL DO IT!!” yelled Pinkie Pie in an explosion of confetti and streamers “I’LL BE A CHOCOLATE PONY SAILOR!!”

“You won’t regret this Pinkie Pie just sigh your name bellow on the order form and mail it off to receive your starter kit” the Chocolate Pony Sailor instructed “Say Heave-Ho to bad bilge water Pinkie and lets shove off for some major booty!”

…..

“La-la-la-la” Pinkie Pie sang while skipping down to the Sugarcube Corner mailbox with her pet alligator Gummy ridding on her back. She opened the mailbox and placing the letter into it with a big smile spread across her face. “Now Gummy, all we have to do is wait for the starter kit to come in the…”

A cream colored delivery Pegasus with red hair flew down to her with a large package in his hooves.

“Uh, I have a package for a Miss Pinkamena Diane Pie” he said giving Pinkie the package before quickly taking off to make his next delivery.

“Wow! That was fast!" She quickly took the package inside Sugarcube Corner and went up stares to her room. “I can’t believe it’s already here! "Pinkie Pie sat of the floor in the middle of her room with the large package right in front of her hooves which read “Chocolate Pony Sailor Dinghy Crew Starter Kit: Set Sail to Riches”, “ To: Pinkie Pie”

The shreds of cardboard, paper, and broken packing peanuts fluttered through the air onto the floor of the room like a gentle winter snowfall as Pinkie ripped the package to shreds like a timberwolf tearing into the flesh of its prey or like herself when she eating jelly filled donuts.

“Whoa, a sailor uniform and a little hat!” pinkie said wearing possibly the biggest smile she’s ever had. She looked back into what was left of her package to see little Chocolate Pony Sailors wrapped in golden foil as well as whole Chocolate Dinghies! “Hmmm… I probably shouldn’t but maybe just one wouldn’t hurt.” She picked up one of the little Chocolate Pony Sailors and removed its foil. However, just as she was about to take a bite a little voice in the back of her head said “this is a bad idea” but a louder little voice yelled “Chocolaty Sailor Goodness!"

She took a bite….. Everything went dark…..

Chapter 3

Pinkie Pie woke up in a strange place far from Equestria it seems. In a place perhaps she’s only perhaps seen in her dreams. In front of her stood seven doors that led to secret worlds of untold. And each door was in the shape of yummy sugary treats of olde. One door was of taffy, another of candied hearts that are chalky and unpleasant, next to a sugary blob. But one stood different from the rest, a door of chocolate with a chocolate pony Sailor knob.

“Where am I? Is this Vanhoover” Pinkie was nervous. She was somewhere she had never been before and the sky was quickly turning dark and the shadow around her was starting to grow. Suddenly she smelt it the delicious waft on freshly made chocolate coming from the chocolate bar door. “Mmmm… Chocolate…” a stream of drool rolled down the side of her mouth.

Pinkie Pie quickly opened the jumped through the doorway without thinking twice. She was expecting to find a mound of delicious chocolate but fell into a strange and bizarre vortex which smelled like hot coco. Suddenly she landed again with sickly bone crunching for the seconded time today. Pinkie picked herself up to look around and what she saw brought her to tears.

“No… No words! No words to describe it! Poetry!” Pinkie just stood there completely in awe “They should've sent a poet! So beautiful. So beautiful... I had no idea!” The whole world was made entirely made of chocolate! Pinkie Pie had found herself in the mystical Land of Chocolate. The Land of Chocolate was entirely made of chocolate, including houses, lamppost, paths, rivers and even the ponies that lived there were made entirely out of chocolate!!

Pinkie Pie saw a group of chocolate rabbits hopping in a straight towards a small chocolate village. She began hopping in unison with the little chocolate bunnies straight into the chocolate town where Pinkie raced all over town with a massive smile on her face waving to everypony she passed by, however she quickly stopped waving and began devouring everything in her path from lampposts to lawn ornaments. A small chocolate dog ran up to Pinkie Pie and began licking her face and yapping happily believing it met someone to play with. Pinkie stared into the puppy’s chocolate malt balls eyes with gentle smile on her face... CHOMP!! She bit off the poor chocolate dog’s head.

“Mmmm… Chocolate…” Pinkie said with now a waterfall of drool pouring out of her mouth. She took another bite….. Everything went dark again…..

…..

It was 6am when she woke up; she had been unconscious for eighteen hours. The floor was covered in so much drool Gummy was swimming around in his own little pond. Pinkie Pie immediately stood up a pounced on the Chocolate Pony Sailors. She tore off the foil like a mad pony!

“CHOCOLATE YUM!!!” she screamed, her eyes were like fire from the pits of Tartarus. Pinkie devoured them six at a time until they were all gone. By the time she was done eating her mouth was dripping with both chocolate and drool. Suddenly her sanity returned to normal… or at least Pinkie Pie normal. She put her hooves over her mouth in horror after looking at the carnage all around her. One of the twins’ stuffed animals was without a head and covered in saliva and chocolate stains.

“Oh no” Pinkie Pie meekly whimpered “Gummy, I’ve been a bad sailor… I ate the whole dang dinghy, crew and all! "She searched the remains of foil, chocolate, cardboard, and drool hopping to find something, anything that would help her. But there was nothing what so ever.

“NOW I’LL NEVER HAVE MAJOR BOOTY!!” Pinkie yelled before bawling harder than she’s ever had in her entire life “WAAAAAAAA…what’s this now?” She noticed a small piece of paper stuck at the base of her hooves. “It’s a message from the Chocolate Pony Sailor!”
It read ‘It’s Time To Reorder! ‘ Along with a line for her to write her name.

“Aye Matey” It was the Chocolate Pony Sailor from the comic book ad, now he was on the reorder form “It’s time for some fresh cargo, now shove off sailor. That’s A Direct Order From Your Captain!! “

“Aye Aye little sailor pony guy!” Pinkie Pie jumped to her hooves and raced towards the door with the form in her mouth. “Full Speed Ahead!” She ran past the Cakes who were still a bit worried about what their live-in employee was up to. Just as Pinkie burst through the door she crashed into the same delivery Pegasus who delivered her starter kit.

“Uh, I have another package for a Miss Pinkamena Diane Pie” he said while trying to stand up on all for legs.

“Wow! Your delivery service is amazing; I can’t believe it’s here!” Pinkie said snatching the box out of his hooves and went back inside. “You won’t be disappointed this time Chocolate Pony Sailor, you’ll see! As Celestia is my witness I’m gonna be the best dang sailor in the whole dang army! I’ll sell gazillions! Together will make major booty! BECAUSE YOU’RE SO BOOTYLICIOUS!!“

Chapter 4

“Are you sure you don’t need my help Twilight?” Said Spike who was currently in his basket completely wrapped in bandages like some kind of reptilian mummy due to yesterdays rabid book attack. Twilight was currently trying to make Spike and herself breakfast but instead covered in waffle batter, butter, caramel, and liquid smoke.

“I’m fine Spike, you just stay in bed and rest so you’re wounds can heal” Said Twilight as tried to get a spatula that was stuck to her flank with the caramel. She angrily started muttering as she continued in her vain attempt to cook breakfast. “I can’t believe she made us free that lousy mutant thinking he could be reformed… OW!! I Burned Myself!!"

Knock… Knock… Knock

“I got it” Called out Spike as he struggled to get out of bed and make it downstairs to the front door.

“No Spike! Don’t Get Up I’ll Get The…” Twilight’s sentence was immediately cutoff and ended with a CRASH followed a sickly bone-crunching noise “ow.”

“Twilight are you okay?!”

“I’m fine” Spike said the princess who was currently lying on the floor of the library with a frying pan wedged between her back and the floorboards. Tears were quickly welding up in her eyes as the pain slowly spread throughout her entire body. “But if you think you can answer the door then you can, I’ll be here in the kitchen… for a long time”

“Hey! Is anybody there or not!” yelled a familiar voice that was banging on the other side of the door of the library. It belonged to Rainbow Dash alongside her was Rarity and Fluttershy who was caring a basket full of things such as apples, bandages and a brand new warm quilt Rarity had made for Spike.

“Spikey-wikey?!" Rarity screamed at the sight of Spike struggling to get down the stairs to the front door. She quickly rushed to him. “Spike whatever are you doing outside of bed in your condition?!”

“Oh my goodness” Fluttershy hovering above the injured dragon. She picked him up and carried him upstages to his basket and tucked him in with the new quilt. “Poor Spike, you need to stay in bed until you get better, can I get you anything?”

“Yes you can tell your mismatch animal friend he was better off as a pigeon condo.” Spike grumbled angrily. Just then Rainbow and Rarity came into the room with the basket Fluttershy had dropped.

“I for one agree with Spikey-wikey” said a fuming Rarity marching up to the injured drake and putting her hoof around his neck “ that monster has truly crossed a line this time.”

“Ya Got That Right!!" yelled Dash who was hovered above her friends with enough rage in her eyes to turn a cockatrice to stone “I say we should turn him back to… wait… oh no… I say we should banish him to the Depths of Tartarus With All The Other Monster Freaks!!”

“Oh my isn’t that a little extreme” Fluttershy said quietly “Discord said he was going to apologize… Right Discord” she lifted the flap of her saddle bag and slowly crawled out of the bag was the draconequus himself, and slithered up to the basket on his belly.

“I’m sorry…” Discord whimpered looking up at Spike from the floor with two big tear filled eyes “…Humdrum” a sinister smile slowly spread across his face and his eyes quickly turned from teary to mischievous.

“Discord!" Fluttershy said with an angry and stern tone looking down directly at the bat/bird winged critter “That’s not how friends apologize.”

“But Fluttershy!! He Told MeTo Eat Lemons And Die!!” Discord whined throwing a small temper tantrum as if he foal that was told he couldn’t have ice cream for dessert “Lemons! Eat Lemons!!”

“He Sent Pony Eating Comics After Me” yelled a furious Spike “And Look What Happened!!”

Knock… Knock… Knock

“Spike can you get the door again?” called an extremely weak and shaking voice from the kitchen “and if you can would you please go to Dr. Spine Crack’s office and tell him I really need to see him here at the library?”

“Dr. Spine Crack, you mean your chiropractor?” Spike looked confused “Isn’t his office on the other side of Ponyville?”

"… please… I… taste… blood…”

“Is that Twilight? I can’t believe she wants you to work in your condition!” said Rarity with a shocked expression which quickly turned into anger “I simply must have a word wither about this”! She stormed down stairs to the kitchen at the base of the library.

Knock… Knock… Knock

“I’ll Get It” Rainbow Dash bolted out of the room as quickly as possible leaving poor Fluttershy alone who was trying to separate Spike who currently was strangling Discord. When Rainbow opened the door she found a peppy pink party pony in a sailor suit carrying a light blue bag.

“Ahoy Matey!!” said an excited Pinkie Pie “I’m a Chocolate Pony Sailor and I Have My Own Chocolate Dinghy …” suddenly she was interrupted by an angry Rarity heading towards the kitchen.

“Twilight I simply cannot believe that you want my poor Spikey-wikey to work in his condition and to walk to you chiropractor on the other side of Ponyville no less” Rarity stormed through the doorway “and further more… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…” a blood curdling scream came from the kitchen and the sound of some fainting came shortly after. Pinkie and Rainbow just stood there with horror stricken on their faces unable to udder a speak word until Pinkie’s smile instantly returned and went back to her sales pitch.

“So do you wanna buy some delicious chocolate candy? “ Pinkie pulled a tiny chocolate ship from her bag and lifted up to Dash’s face so she could have a good look at it. “Look at my dinghy-a-lingy”

“I’m sorry but I don’t accept candy from strangers” Rainbow Dash said with a deadpan face looking at the small chocolate dinghy that was being waving around in her face. Pinkie Pie was shocked at hearing this.

“I’m not a stranger! It’s me Pinkie Pie!” she said she quickly turned her frowned right side round and pulling out another chocolate dinghy “you probably don’t recognize me in my new sailor suit!

“Yeah that’s it” said a deadpanned Rainbow Dash

“Now how many Chocolate Dinghy would you like? Their made with one hundred percent chocolaty goodness” she quickly ate both of them and then she pulled a hoof full of little Chocolate Pony Sailors “and you just have to try thise little Chocolate Pony Sailors all wrapped up in colorful gold foil” she stuffed all of them into her mouth, but suddenly Pinkie became all jittery when she began chewing on the foil “They make your teeth feel sparkly when you eat them with the foil”

“Uh Pinkie I’m not sure if your suppose to eat the foil” Rainbow Dash said slowly backing away from her friend as if the chocolate dripping from her mouth was rabies foam “and I’m not exactly hungry for chocolate right now maybe some other time…”

“Oh did someone say chocolate?” said a voice from behind the chocolate sailors sells pony “I love chocolate!”

“Hey Applejack, I mean… Aye Matey!!” Said Pinkie Pie giving a quick salute to the apple farmer “I’m a Chocolate Pony Sailor and I’m selling Chocolate Dinghies, Chocolate Pony Sailors, and… Chocolate Dinghies… Oh Hi Fluttershy” they all turned to see a grape jelly covered pegasus walking over to the front door.

“You all right Sugercube” said Applejack with a look of deep concern on her face seeing her friend covered in a sweet, clear, somewhat elastic breakfast food spread made from the juice of the grape “… and why are you covered in jelly?”

“I just broke up a fight between Spike and Discord involving comic books” Fluttershy said using a towel she got from Twilight’s bathroom.

“Discord Is Here!!” Applejack said with an expression of horror stricken on her face.

“Discord is currently in the time out chair back at my cottage and Spike is back in bed.” She said finally cleaning off all the jelly from her mane “However before he left he left he created an explosion of grape jelly… oh hello Pinkie Pie what are you doing here?”

“I’m selling chocolates to all the land lovers of Equestria” Pinkie gave a quick salute “a quest for major booty!” she said showing her friend her bag filled with sugary treats.

“They do look delicious” said Applejack eyeing Pinkie Pie’s bagful of chocolate “I reckon I’ll take the whole navy!” she pulled out her bag of bits from her saddle bag which she was carrying “This will be a great treat for Apple Bloom,” Pinkie was just about to give away her solid milk chocolate inventory, but she realized that she was about to give away her solid milk chocolate inventory. The thought of losing her edible navy buddies sent an icy cold chill of terror through her heart.

“Uh… I…sorry Applejack but… I’m All Out!!” Pinkie screamed quickly hiding the bag behind her back and took a few steps backward. Applejack was surprised by this. Both Applejack and Rainbow Dash gave each other an expression of suspiciousness knowing Pinkie was up to something.

“But there in your bag” said a confused Fluttershy looking at the bag Pinkie was poorly trying to hide the light blue bag filled with sailors and dinghy “I saw them”

“You terribly mistaken my drakonophobic friend” Pinkie quickly scooted passed her three suspicious friends “time to shove off… So Long Mateys!!” she began galloping away “whew… she almost got my last dinghy” Pinkie began cramming as many Chocolate Pony Sailors into her mouth.

“Something’s off she didn’t sell me one single chocolate?” Applejack said watching the party planer runaway.

“And who is this Chocolate Pony Sailor anyway?” Rainbow Dash asked looking at her friends all giving each other confused looks.

“The Chocolate Pony Sailor?” said a voice coming from behind them. They turned around and saw a bandaged baby dragon with a few grape stains on his gauze “I think I read about him somewhere”

“S-Spike What Are You Doing Down Here?” Fluttershy said with a shocked to see her newest patient quickly scooping him up “Your Suppose To Be In Bed!!”

“Uh…girls…I…think…we…may…have…a…problem…in…the…kitchen…” said Rarity looking extremely nauseous as if she had seen something HORRIBLE!! They all looked at each other and slowly walked to the library’s kitchen and entered with carefully.
"…help…me…“
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…”

Chapter 5

Hurry up Honeybunch the customer should be here any second now” said Mr. Cake carrying tray filled with cupcakes to the Cake’s packaging station. Mrs. Cake was packing freshly made deserts into boxes so that the customer could have their order ready to go. “Oh, where is Pinkie Pie?!” Mr. Cake looks around in search of their live-in employee but she could not be found anywhere “She should be here helping us!!”
The delivery pegasus that brought the starter kit walked through the front door of Sugarcube Corner with another reorder package in his hooves.
“Uh, I have another package for a Miss Pinka…” he didn’t have a chance to finish his sentence because a pink fluffy missile crashed into him from the back sending letters, magazines, and packages flying everywhere.
“Whew, I think I lost them… Oh hey there Mr. Delivery Guy what’s up?!” said the pink sailor.
“Package for a Miss Pinka…” he was cut off again. But this time he was cut off by a loud noise from far away.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…” the noise was coming from the center of Ponyville at the Golden Oak Library.
“I guess they found Twilight… maybe I should go back and Hey Another Chocolate Pony Sailor Package!!” Pinkie Pie snatched the box out of his hooves; one was bent in a strange angle due to his collision. “MINE” Pinkie bolted up the stairs and slammed the door to her room.
The Cake’s quickly ran to the poor delivery pegasus who was crushed flat on the floor of their shop.
“I’m so sorry sir! Here let us pick you up!!” said Mr. Cake quickly picking up the crushed stallion “What was in that package you gave her anyway?!”
“Uh, Chocolate Pony Sailors” he said trying get his things together; several stamps were stuck in his red mane.
“Chocolate Pony Sailors?!” both the Cake’s yelled in unison with fear on their faces which quickly turned into confusion “what are Chocolate Pony Sailors?”
“Uh, I’m not sure” said the delivery pony finally able to stand up on three legs his other was still pointing in a crooked way “I think it’s some kind of chocolate candy”
“Now what would Pinkie Pie be doing with chocolate candies” said Mrs. Cake wish a look of confusion and fear “doesn’t she have a enough sugar flowing through her blood stream”
“This is probably why she’s even more Pinkie Pie then… well… Pinkie Pie” Mr. Cake replied turning back to the delivery pegasus “are you sure your okay sir?”
“I’m fine now if you’ll excuse me I have many more packages that need delivered here in Ponyville” he dusted off his uniform a cracked his hoof with an eerie snap “Aaugh!!...Duty calls!” and he walked out with a slight limp.
“I feel something terrible is going to happen Dear” Mrs. Cake turned to her husband with worry painted on her face.
“Don’t worry Hunnybun I’m sure whatever happens we can handle it” the baker reassuringly told his wife trying to hide his worry about the sugar crazed pony upstairs.
“Uh, hello it’s me again” the shaky pegasus stepped back into the room with another package from the Chocolate Pony Sailor “I have another one for Ms. Pink…” once again interrupted and face implanted in Sugarcube Corner’s floorboards.
“MINE” a savage Pinkie Pie yelled standing on his back crushing his spinal column in the process and bending his hoof again but in the opposite direction this time.
“Pinkie Pie What Are You Doing” both the cake screamed in unison after seeing their employee once again brutally assault the cream colored delivery pony. But before they could say another word Pinkie disappeared just as quickly as she appeared.
“Hurry Dear” they scrambled to the injured stallion and once again scrapping him of the floor “you’ll have to forgive her she’s not normally like this… well she is… but not so much like this… you understand, right?”
“Uh” He quickly turned around and half galloped towards the doorway and as soon as he was out of the bakery he shot up straight into the air and took off like a certain rainbow maned pegasus and was out of sight.
The Cakes exchanged worried and fear filled looks and slowly returned to the kitchen. Mr. Cake continues to pack freshly made deserts into boxes while Mrs. Cake started on the next batch of cupcakes.
…..
In the air the delivery pegasus was a bit shaky from his last two encounters with the pink party pony. He was feeling a little dizzy, his eyes were fuzzy, a strange warm felling is coming from his stomach and heart areas but other than that the stallion was fine… for now.
He landed next to the mail cart were two other delivery ponies were one of them was Derpy and the other was a grey earth pony with extra thick glasses.
“Are you okay?” asked Derpy with a worried look in one of her eyes at the sight of her injured coworker.
“Uh, I had a run in with that pink party pony who works in Sugarcube Corner” he said trying to shake off his dizziness “I just delivered to her two more Chocolate Pony Sailor reorder packages and she tackled me like a hoofball player”
“Oh, Her” said Derpy with a bitter tone in her voice still remembering the flea market fiasco “We still have a few packages that need to be delivered to Her”
“B…bu…but I just delivered two to her right now…How Many Boxes Are There” the delivery guy stammered in complete shock “how many more packages are there?” Derpy pointed to a mountain in the back of their cart made entirely boxes and all of them read “Chocolate Pony Sailor Dinghy Crew Reorder”, “To: Pinkie Pie”
“Better get started” said Derpy before taking off into the air with her full mail saddle bag. “You got 496 more boxes to go. See ya!! And tell Her… TO GO EAT LEAMONS AND DIE!!!”
“…help…me…” he said staring at the hundreds of packages and then at the wounds he received from that death trap he must return to. He hooked himself up to the package cart and pulled it. Slowly he walked down the street towards Sugarcube Corner like a criminal heading towards the electric chair or the glue factory. He was outside the bakery when he stopped dead in his tracks, his hoof just inches away from the doorknob of the bakery. The delivery pegasus stared at the knob as if it were a poisonous spider and it was ready to sink it’s fangs into his hoof, he slowly pulled it away and took a step back “Uh, maybe I should wait for Sunshower’s shift and then…”

KA-POW!!

“MINE!!” screamed a chocolate thirsty rabid pink party pony that pounced out of the nearby bushes. Everything happened so fast but before his world sank into utter darkness he saw a strange creature with a lion’s paw and an eagle claw on the bakery’s roof and he could have sworn it said…
“Everything is falling into place!!”
…..
Ponies were gathering around the front of Sugarcube Corner. They were apparently looking at something lying on the ground which had been brutally mauled, maimed, and mutilated and wearing a blue uniform. Soon a team of medical pegasus arrived on the scene and flew down with a stretcher and lifted the nearly dead delivery pegasus onto it.
“Mommy what is the red stuff coming out of that guy’s ear” asked a little lavender filly looking at remains of delivery pony and then back at her mother who quickly pulled her foal a way and left the quickly. The medical ponies quickly took the delivery pegasus to a nearby ambulance which rushed him to Ponyville general hospital’s emergency room.
“Its jam!!” the mare was trembling as she galloped carrying her foal on her back trying to get her child away from the sight “N…now let’s go for …i…ice cream! Happy Thoughts Sweetie!! HAPPY THOUGHTS!!”
…..
“MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!!!” a crazed chocoholic Pinkie Pie was in the center of her bedroom surrounded by on ocean of empty boxes and golden foil, chocolate stains covered everything from the ceiling to the walls. The rabid party pony herself was a mess, her coat had chocolate stains and her mane was now shimmering with bits of chocolate candy foil tied up in knots of hair and drool that looked like chocolate sauce rather than saliva was pouring out of her mouth. The blood…chocolate thirsty pony ripped open another box and tore away the foil. “COME TO PINKIE MY PRECIOUSES” Pinkie crammed as many Chocolate Pony Sailors she could into her muzzle. However little did she know that her coat was slowly turning a rich creamy brown color and she had a visitor who was lurking in the shadows of her room.
“Careful my little pony” snickered a smug Draconequus “you know the old saying you are what you eat MWAHAHAHAHAH…SPLAT” Discord was hit in the face by some airborne chocolate. “YUCK!!” he wiped of the chocolate of his face with a mixture of disgust and annoyance. He turned back to Pinkie who was too busy to notice him. “Yes keep eating my pretty… MWAHAHAHAHAH…SPLAT… OH YUCK!! ONE AT A TIME PLEA…SPLAT…AAAAAAA…THAT ONE WENT INTO MY EYE!!”