Hysteria

by AlwaysDressesInStyle

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Minty, Adventure, Prince Blueblood, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 4998

All Wysteria wanted to do was form a band. Now her drummer's overthrown the government after misinterpreting the band's goals. Can they restore things to normal before mass hysteria sets in?

All Wysteria wanted to do was form a band. Now her drummer's overthrown the government after misinterpreting the band's goals. Can they restore things to normal before mass hysteria sets in?

Published 2014-02-22 05:20:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-22 05:20:06 UTC

Hysteria

Wysteria lay on her bed scribbling lyrics down at a furious pace. Inspiration had hit and she was planning to take full advantage of it. The smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies wafted over from the other side of her dorm room but she didn’t let that distract her.

Not for long, anyway. She munched on a chocolate chip cookie as she continued jotting down the lyrics to what was sure to be a future number one hit.

“These lyrics are great. You really need to find a band to work with.”

“Are you volunteering, Sweetberry?”

“I charge five bits to play the piano. I charge twenty to stop.”

“I’ll keep that in mind if I ever need to blackmail somepony… Or torture them.”

“Tell you what, if you ever get around to recording an album I’ll ting the triangle for you. Until then though, I’ll stick to baking. But Razzaroo is pretty good with a guitar. You should talk to her.”

“I will when I’m done with these lyrics…and these cookies. You’ve outdone yourself.”

“I made a second batch. You can use them as a recruitment bonus for anypony that joins your band.”

“With cookies this good I’ll have to start turning them away. I can just see it now: Fleetwood Tack shows up and I have to turn them away because Foal & Oats volunteered first.”

“Now you’re just exaggerating.” Sweetberry handed Wysteria the second batch of cookies. “Shoo! And don’t come back without a band.”

The lavender earth pony knocked on the door to Razzaroo’s dorm. The plucking of a guitar stopped and the clip clop of hooves grew louder as Razzaroo got closer to the door.

“Hi Wysteria. Come on in. What brings you here?” Razzaroo was the same shade of lavender as Wysteria, but instead of wisteria blossoms a birthday present adorned her flank.

“Well, I was told you’re a whiz with the guitar. I’ve been writing some song lyrics and my roommate suggested that I try to put together a band. Any interest?”

“I’m interested, but I need to see some samples of your work before I commit.”

“Fair enough,” Wysteria replied, passing her the piece of paper with the lyrics she had just finished compiling only minutes before.

“I can work with this. Got any more?”

“Yeah, back in my room. But Sweetberry told me not to come back without a band…”

“Easy enough, Sew-And-So is a bassist and she’s only three rooms down. I’ll grab her if you want to go get Minty.”

“Minty is musically talented?” Wysteria raised an eyebrow.

“I wouldn’t go that far. She’s a drummer.”

“Well, our future band does need one of those. But really, Minty? I mean, that sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.”

“She not only has a kickin’ set of drums, she also has a room all to herself – no roommate. Perfect for recording an album.”

“I know I’m going to regret this, but okay, I’ll ask her if she wants to join the group.”

Wysteria took a deep breath and knocked on Minty’s door. The mint green earth pony had good intentions and a heart of gold, but she was accident-prone and had a well-earned reputation for causing disasters. Wysteria was still considering other options when Minty opened the door.

“Hi!” Wysteria found herself embraced by a pair of overenthusiastic green forelegs. “Come in, come in! Make yourself at home! You’re like, the first pony to come visit me in two months! It seems I always have to go to everypony else’s dorm room if I want to socialize. Maybe I need to switch brands of deodorant? But this one smells like mint! I mean, how can somepony named Minty not smell like mints, you know what I’m saying?” She gasped. “What if it’s wearing off too quickly and everypony is just too nice to say something about it?” She quickly sniffed under her forelegs and wrinkled her nose.

“Uh…cookie?” Wysteria said, hoping to change the subject away from Minty’s hygiene habits. Minty greedily grabbed a hoofful of cookies and stuffed her mouth with them. Wysteria said a silent thank you to her roommate for the blissful peace and quiet. “So, I was just talking to Razzaroo and she said you’re a drummer now?”

“Oh yeah! Totally! Everypony’s always telling me I need to broaden my horizons. I mean you can only talk about socks, mints, and Hearth’s Warming so many times before your audience loses interest. So I figured I have lots of spare time on my hooves and I really like that song Little Drummer Colt so I figured why not try drumming? That, and heh, it’s harder to break drums than it is a guitar or a piano. At least I hope so anyway. They really don’t make grand pianos like they used to…”

“Would you be interested in drumming for the band I’m putting together?”

“Yes! Sign me up!”

“Great. Follow me.”

Half an hour later the new band found themselves sitting on Wysteria’s bed, happily munching on cookies and brainstorming ideas for a name. Razzaroo was barely paying attention to the name suggestions as she put Wysteria’s lyrics to music. She was confident they had a hit in the making.

“Oh gee, I guess Journeigh’s kinda already taken, isn’t it? Gee, how about Mare Supply? Oh yeah, that’s in use too. Gee, I just don’t know what to suggest.”

“How many times can you say the word ‘gee’ there, Mints?” Sew-and-So rolled her eyes at the repetitive mare.

“Three. I think.”

“That’s it! We’ll call ourselves The Gee Threes!” Wysteria bounced off the bed and twirled around in an imaginary dance. “It’s perfect! It rhymes and it’s bouncy. It fits us to a tee! We’re totally going to take over Canterlot by storm! And maybe even all of Equestria!” She stuck a foreleg out and it was quickly joined by another lavender foreleg, then by an orange one, and finally by a mint green one.

“To total Equestrian domination!” Razzaroo exclaimed, grinning.

“Uh, to Princess Wysteria! Yeah! If we’re gonna take over you’re gonna need a title! So Princess Wysteria it is!”

“Great idea, Minty. Ha, you’re full of them today!” Sew-And-So giggled. “There really is a first time for everything!”

“Now we just need somepony to play the keyboard,” Wysteria mused. “I can do it I have to, but we’d be better off if we had somepony who was actually good at it. Anypony here know a good pianist?”

“I don’t, but there’s a bathroom right across the hall.”

Each of the other mares in the room threw a pillow at Minty for that joke. On that note, they agreed to meet in Minty’s room the next afternoon for their first practice session. Razzaroo promised to have at least one full song arranged by then.

Minty collapsed on her bed and rested her head on her pillow. “What have I gotten myself into? I thought I was just joining a band and then it turns out they want to take over Canterlot? Maybe they’re a militia disguised as a band?” She gasped. “Oh stars, I’m going to be in so much trouble! They’ll throw me in a dungeon. Mama Mints is gonna disown me for sure. What am I gonna do? If I rat them out I’ll be a marked mare! But if I go through with it...” she paused. “Well, Wysteria would be an improvement over Prince Blueblood, that’s for sure.”

Her thoughts continued growing more and more muddled as she slowly fell asleep.

Princess Celestia strode down the hall of Canterlot Castle with her head held high. The palace guards remained stone-faced, per their training. Not a single muscle twitched as the princess passed. Upon passing the twenty-fourth stained glass window in the hallway, she paused and knocked on the first door to the left.

“Who dares disrupt my slumber?” Prince Blueblood flung open the door and stopped mid-rant. “Princess Celestia. I wasn’t expecting you.”

The solar alicorn said nothing and Blueblood’s mind raced. “Silent treatment. Great, what did I do this time?” Nothing stood out as any different from normal, though that in itself might be the problem. Had he perhaps missed some important royal function? Despite having equal titles, they most certainly did not have equal rank and Blueblood felt a chill go down as his spine as he stood there. Celestia was the last pony he wanted mad at him, and she was angry, he could tell. She just motioned for him to follow so he did.

Much to his surprise they didn’t head towards the throne room, but out into the garden. He shivered as they walked through the sculpture garden, briefly wondering if this was to be his fate – frozen in stone for a thousand years. He dismissed that immediately. Discord had been a special case and even now he was a free draconequus. Somehow he had a hunch that being late to a few high society functions was not nearly in the same league as years of causing chaos and misery for the entire pony race.

He was really surprised as she led him into her school for gifted unicorns – he refused to acknowledge the new name Canterlot University as that would legitimize allowing ruffians and mudponies into the highest academy in all of Equestria, despite the fact they had been accepting pegasi and earth ponies centuries before he was born.

“Princess?”

Celestia just pointed up the stairs and Blueblood sighed. He really hoped this wasn’t going to be another mare claiming he was the father of their foal. That had gotten old very quickly. Especially since he was zero for fifteen on actually being the daddy. He hadn’t even met most of his accusers previously.

Celestia opened a door to a dorm room and Blueblood stepped in. The room was very green, with lots of socks strewn about. But at the moment it was empty except for he and Celestia. “Princess?” He turned around just in time to see Celestia inject a needle into his royal hindquarters.

“What are you…” Blueblood no longer had any sensations in his body. He collapsed onto the floor in a heap.

“Injecting you with a general anesthetic. Quite probably the only perk of ending up in the infirmary so frequently is I know where they keep everything and nopony even bats an eye if they see me in there. But you’re unconscious now and you don’t really need to know any of that anyway. Long live Princess Wysteria! Let her new rule begin!”

Minty unzipped the back of her costume, completely amazed at how realistic it was. She had no idea where Pinkie Pie had gotten it from, but it was worth every single bit the pink mare had paid for it. She stared at the now dozing prince. “I can’t just leave him on my floor. I’ll let Princess Wysteria decide what to do with him but for now I can at least make him as comfortable as possible.” She dragged him onto the room’s couch and then sank down on her own bed. “I do hope they won’t be mad I went ahead without them. But I had the costume and had they come along it would have looked suspicious. Besides, at least this way I know nopony got hurt. Because hurting isn’t fun. And I know that from experience!”

A few hours later Blueblood awoke. As his eyes slowly came into focus they darted around the unfamiliar green room. “Where am I?” He tried to stand up only to discover his legs had been bound with rope.

“I wouldn’t even think about using your magic unless you want the shock of your life.”

Blueblood felt a strange fabric chafing his horn. “What have you done to my horn?”

“Magical dampener. It’s designed to shoot 10,000 volts of electricity through your body if you even try to use your magic. I figured I’d give you a head’s up about that before you fry yourself.”

“How dare you! You…you filthy mudpony imbecile!”

“Hey! I totally showered first thing this morning before coming for you. And I’ll have you know I’m wearing mint deodorant! I made sure to put on a double dose of it because I think it’s been wearing off too soon and all my friends are too polite to say anything. But regardless, I am not filthy! Not that there’s anything wrong with playing in the mud though, ‘cause that can be really fun too! Oh, I think I may do that later. Thanks for the idea!”

“Okay, I’m definitely not dealing with the brains of this outfit,” Blueblood thought. “It shouldn’t be too hard to get out of this.” He cleared his throat. “Far be it for me to interrupt the planning of your evening, but I desire to use your bathroom facilities.”

“That’s already been taken care of for you.” Minty pointed towards the prince’s posterior. Blueblood was horrified to see he was wearing a diaper. “Couldn’t have you attempting to escape while using the little colt’s room, after all.”

Blueblood sighed; apparently the green mare was smarter than she looked. “So what are you going to do with me?”

“I dunno yet. I’m gonna let the new princess decide what to do with you. We’ll probably just throw you in a dungeon or something. I’ll put in a good word for you though, don’t worry! Maybe I can even get you pardoned!” Minty bounced over to the prince, and stuffed a sock in his mouth. “But for now though, we’re gonna play the quiet game while I go get your successor.”

Wysteria was working on a geometry assignment and counting down the minutes to the first practice session of her new band. She was quite surprised when Minty showed up almost two hours early.

“Princess Wysteria, forgive the intrusion,” Minty said, bowing. “But an urgent matter has come up that requires your immediate attention.”

When no further explanation was forthcoming, Wysteria shrugged and followed the green mare back to her dorm room. She was not, however, ready for the shock that greeted her when the door opened.

“Long live Princess Wysteria!”

“Minty…”

“Yes, Princess?”

“Why is Prince Blueblood bound and gagged on your couch?”

“Well, duh. If I had left him unbound he'd take the gag out and if I left him ungagged he would still be complaining right now. ‘Unhoof me, you commoner!’ or ‘Do you know who I am?’ and of course the ever popular ‘I will destroy you, mudpony.’ So anyways, the sooner you decide what to do with him the sooner you can get on with ruling Canterlot and then we can have our jam session!”

“Minty, Minty, Minty. When I said we were going to take over I meant we were going to rule the Canterlot music scene – playing to sold out crowds, getting a record deal, et cetera. I didn’t mean we’d literally take over the city. I don’t want to be a princess.”

“That makes two of us. Do you think Razzaroo wants the position?”

“No. We need to get the prince back before anypony notices he’s gone.”

“Are you positive?” Princess Celestia paced in front of her throne. If what her guards were telling her was true, it was most troubling news.

“I saw it with my own eyes: you led the prince out of the castle. Since he was being escorted by you, his royal detail didn’t go with him.”

“And the search for his current whereabouts?”

“We’ve searched every bar and club in town – no sign of him.”

“Then it is as I feared. We need to assume he’s been foalnapped and take all necessary actions to ensure his safe return. Thank you, Cliffjumper. Dismissed.”

Princess Luna emerged from the shadows behind the throne. “What dost thou think?”

“I think we have a changeling infestation again. Chrysalis spent enough time posing as Cadence to know exactly how to throw Equestrian politics into a frenzy.”

“What about illusion magic? With Blueblood being the last of his lineage, perhaps one of the other unicorn noble families is attempting to fill the void left by the extinction of the House of Platinum?”

“There’s too much squabbling between them. No one family would ever be able to get enough of the others to support a bid for the throne.” Celestia shook her head.

“Perhaps this was the work of a pony with a grudge against Blueblood? Doth he have many enemies?”

Celestia turned to the nearest Royal Guard. “Prowl. Bring Prince Blueblood’s file here, immediately. In particular the section on enemies.”

Prowl saluted and galloped off to retrieve the requested files. He returned a few minutes later with two other guards, each of them carrying a tower of paperwork.

“Prince Blueblood has this many enemies?” Luna’s eyes went wide in shock.

“No, princess.”

“Thank the stars.”

“These are just the enemies he’s made in the last year. If you want to go further back than that we need to dig them out of the archive.” Prowl looked to both princesses, nervously. “I can go get them if you want?”

“That won’t be necessary. Dismissed.” Prowl saluted and left the princesses alone in the throne room while Celestia looked at the heaping pile of paperwork.

“We’ll have to pour through these files and see who has the motivation, abilities, and resources needed to pull off a coup like this. Whoever’s in charge must have spent a long time planning and probably had help.”

“Let’s start by those who have the most to profit from this, sister.” Luna levitated the first file and started reading.

As Minty and Wysteria debated what to do with Blueblood, they were interrupted by knocking on the door. “Minty, it’s Star Catcher. Open up, please.”

“Oh my gosh, she must have figured out what I did! You have to help me hide Blueblood!”

“Where?”

“The closet!” Minty flung open the door and was promptly buried in an avalanche of socks. “Now that all my socks are out there should be plenty of room!”

“Minty? Are you okay in there? I heard a thump.”

“Sorry Star Catcher! I opened the closet door instead of the front door and got buried by socks.” Minty giggled, nervously.

“Only you, Minty. I’ll leave a flyer under your door. If you know anything, come find me immediately.”

“Oh that’s a good one. Me know something! Ha!”

Star Catcher shook her head. “Oh Minty, you shouldn’t put yourself down like that. I’ll be back to talk with you later. Right now I need to pass out the rest of these flyers.”

“Wow, we got lucky.”

“I’m glad we did, because hiding him in the closet wasn’t going to work. All your socks are blocking the door from shutting. Even if I had gotten him into the closet, I wouldn’t have been able to hide him.”

“I have some really, really bad news. Like epically bad news.”

“Spit it out, Minty.”

“They know he’s missing.”

“Great.” Wysteria removed the gag from Blueblood. “Any suggestions?”

“Untie me.”

“That’s less a suggestion and more of a request, really,” Minty replied. She repeated the question slower, enunciating each syllable, “Do… you… have… any… ideas?”

“You, the purple one. If you return to the castle with me, I shall see that you are completely exonerated of the crimes that have occurred here if you perform five years as my indentured servant.”

“And what of Minty?”

“I shall see to it that she is tried for treason. When convicted she’ll spend the rest of her life in the dungeon… unless I can convince Celestia to instate the death penalty for her heinous crimes against equinity.”

Wysteria stuffed the sock back into his mouth. “I think I’m going to hold out for a better offer. Let’s go see what Star Catcher can offer us.”

“Mmmmmmmmmmffffffff!”

The two earth ponies turned to the gagged unicorn. Wysteria sighed and took the sock back out of his mouth. “If I don’t like what you’re saying the sock goes back in.”

“Perhaps I was a bit hasty. There’s no need to involve Star Catcher.”

“Why not?”

“We’re all reasonable adults. There’s no need to burden other ponies with something we should all be easily able to resolve.”

“That would be more believable coming from somepony who hadn’t just threatened one of us with slavery and the other with execution. I think it’s time to put the sock back in.”

“Please.” Blueblood lost all resolve as he begged Wysteria to hear him out. “She’s little miss perfect. We went to school together and she always outperformed me at everything. If she gets involved it’ll make me an absolute laughingstock. The Duchess of Cloudsdale saves Prince Blueblood. Please let me have my dignity.”

“The difference is we trust her and we don’t trust you.”

“Yeah! If we were to just let you go what’s to stop you from coming back with a bunch of Royal Guards and have us arrested?”

“But you deserve it. The purple one, not so much. But you, you irksome green pony, you definitely deserve it. You foalnapped me!”

“Actually, I did no such thing. You willingly followed me out of the castle and back to my room.”

“You deceived me into thinking you were Princess Celestia.”

“You never asked. And it isn’t illegal to walk around in a Nightmare Night costume.”

“You have a Princess Celestia costume?” Wysteria asked.

“A quite convincing one at that! It fooled me and I see Celestia nearly every day.”

“It’s not really mine, it’s Pinkie Pie’s. I’m not sure why she asked me to keep it for her. I don’t know where she got it or how much she paid for it but it’s worth it.”

“Well, now we know how you did it. But we still haven’t come to an agreement on how to solve our current problem.”

“Sure we have.” Wysteria grinned as she continued, “You never gave us a convincing argument not to involve Star Catcher. Your discomfort is a small price to pay for a fair resolution to this ordeal. If she determines we need to be thrown in the dungeon for what’s transpired here, then we’ll go without a fight. But you’re not turning me into your slave for five years and you’re not going to lock Minty away for the rest of her life.”

“Wait…”

“The longer we wait, the more likely Star Catcher is to come back and discover us all on her own and then we’ll be in even worse trouble than we already are. Sorry.”

“No you’re not.”

“You’re right, I’m not. You’re rude, arrogant, and self-centered. Any sympathy I had for your predicament went out the window the second you opened your mouth. And I still don’t trust you. Even if you’re being fully honest with us and say you’ll just return to the castle and never speak another word of this, I’m more inclined to take my chances with Star Catcher and Princess Celestia. At least that way I know it will be a fair and impartial verdict.”

Wysteria searched the hallways of the mare’s dorm, hoping to find the pegasus duchess. She found the white pegasus taping a ‘missing’ poster to the door to the stairwell.

“We found your wandering prince, Star Catcher. Minty has him tied up in her room.”

“Tied up? Oh dear.” Star Catcher ignored the ‘No galloping in the halls’ sign as she raced towards Minty’s dorm room. Wysteria followed her as fast as she could.

With no time to spare, Star Catcher dispensed with the usual formality of knocking in favor of flinging the door open, Wysteria still right behind her. Much to her surprise she found Minty relaxing in her bed reading a book. Blueblood was sitting on the green mare’s couch looking miserable. He was still tied up, though the diaper had been removed to salvage as much of his dignity as possible.

“Do I want to know what happened here?”

“Well, you see…” Star Catcher leaned against the door frame as Minty started the story. Knowing Minty this would take a while and require constant prodding to keep on topic.

“Minty, Minty, Minty. Do you have any idea how much trouble you’ve caused?”

“Not a clue.”

“Princess Celestia thinks there’s a changeling running around Canterlot impersonating her. And while Blueblood isn’t required to run Canterlot as he’s delegated a lot of those tasks to his staff, his disappearance has still managed to throw Equestrian politics into turmoil. I can’t just turn a blind eye to this.”

“That’s okay. I expect to be punished, I just ask that you overlook Wysteria’s role in all of this.”

“A noble request. Granted. Blueblood, as it is you that has suffered here today at the hooves of this young mare, what do you consider appropriate punishment?”

“At first I wanted to see her spend the rest of her days behind bars, but during the course of the day I offered her complete clemency if she would let me go. By that point, however, she no longer trusted me and refused, opting instead to take her chances with your judgment. However, I’m a stallion of my word. My offer still stands, and all I ask in return is an apology. I think I am owed that at least. And perhaps in the future she will know that she can trust me.”

“A most generous gesture. Minty, do you have anything to say?”

“Yes, I’m totally sorry for what happened today and I thank you so very much for your forgiveness. As a token of my appreciation, please accept this gift of socks.” Minty passed him two matching pairs of socks.

“Socks?”

“It’s sort of her thing,” Wysteria said, giggling. “But trust me when I say it’s the highest honor she could bestow upon you.”

Before he could reply Sew-And-So opened the door to Minty’s room. “Let’s get this party…. uh… started? Wow, it looks like you two got a head start on the partying. Star Catcher, are you our new keyboardist?”

“Not quite. While I did take piano lessons for three years, there are many ponies far more talented than I am. Might I recommend Skywishes?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Razzaroo replied absently as she surveyed the shenanigans in Minty’s room. “What happened here?” She placed her guitar case on the floor in front of the dresser.

Minty and Wysteria recapped the events for the new arrivals, with Blueblood interjecting periodically to put his own spin on the events… at least until Minty gagged him with the sock again.

“Well, I don’t know how well we’ll do musically, but you’ve definitely got the rock and roll lifestyle down pat, Mints.” Razzaroo whistled. “You overthrew a government. Even if it was a misunderstanding and only temporary, that’s still going in the ‘epic win’ category.”

“I think we’re just about done here. I’m going to take Blueblood back to the castle and we’ll come up with a cover story on the way.” Star Catcher and Blueblood left the room, leaving the band to practice.

The two ponies walked halfway through Canterlot in silence before Star Catcher finally asked the question that had been burning in the back of her mind. “Okay, level with me. Why didn’t you just use your magic to escape?”

“The green mare who captured me, Minty I think her name is, placed a magical dampener on my horn. I don’t suppose I could ask you to remove it for me?”

“This?” Star Catcher asked, as she pulled the offending item off of Blueblood’s horn. “This is a sock. An ordinary, run of the mill sock. The only thing it dampens is the sound of hoofsteps on tiled floors.”

“Confound it! She was bluffing me?”

“Yes.” Years of practice allowed Star Catcher to hold in the laughter. It wasn’t easy but she knew Blueblood hid a fragile ego behind the mask of bravado he normally wore. For his sake she stifled the laughter, though she couldn’t prevent her lips from curling up ever so slightly in amusement. “You should see her play poker.”

“If she’s that good, I think I’ll pass.”

“She is. On a side note, that was a nice gesture on your part. I fully expected to have to throw her in the dungeon. It would have pained me to do so though, as she’s a friend and she really is a nice mare.”

“I must admit, I was most intrigued and impressed by my foalnapper. She had a brilliant strategy, and nerves of steel to pull it off. And there was none of the usual talk of becoming a princess that most mares chatter on about. She wanted some other pony to be princess instead of her, the purple one whose name escapes me. And you have to admit that she’s quite the looker. What more could a stallion want? She has brains and beauty all in one package. And she rambles on at length about the most ridiculous topics. It’s all rather charming.”

Star Catcher let the fact that Blueblood had a crush on Minty sink in. She didn’t even bother trying to wrap her head around the logic of it; she was too busy envisioning the scenario of alicorn Princess Minty. A city exploded in the distance and Minty said ‘Uh, I totally meant to do that. That city was, uh, evil and junk. And I was smiting them! Yeah, that’s it!’ Star Catcher shuddered. “I think you should keep looking until you find a more suitable match.”

The Gee Threes performed for the first time two weeks later. Their first concert took place at the school’s auditorium, part of an open mic night for Canterlot University’s bands. The rousing reception they received hinted at better things to come for the group.