I Wish I Could be a Pony...
If I could be a pony, the first thing I’d do is fly over the entire planet and defecate rainbows on people’s faces. Now, this would obviously cause the entire human race to either love or hate me (as rainbows being defecated on one’s face can be both annoying and delicious); so as defence from their massive armies of jets, tanks, drones, missiles, and ships, I’d just laser them into non-existence using the magic of friendship. I’d be pretty much invincible and awesome at the same time. Sadly, I’d eventually get hungry and tired, (Which isn’t very fun, as being hungry and tired would hamper my ability to fly, defecate rainbows, and laser things) but everyone knows that ponies aren’t bound by the laws of physics that dominate the entire universe! I’d just sit right down on a cloud somewhere in the middle of the ocean and rest for a while, absorbing energy from the sun (like all the cool organisms do). Once the clouds passed over a quiet, unsuspecting city: I would perform cellular division (because any all-powerful being should be able to reproduce assexually at the drop of a hat), and become two exact copies of myself in ten seconds flat. I’d repeat the process until I had a massive army of billions of ponies. Of course, one or two ponies may come out wrong and be all weird and cancerous, but that doesn’t really matter as they are still ponies and can contribute in covering the entire Earth in rainbows. So, with this new massive army, I’d do just as I said exactly one sentence ago (Cover the entire Earth in rainbows). And since pony defecation is just delicious semi-liquid-skittle-mush, everyone would eat it and become obese, diabetic, and will stay at home waiting for more to come down through the rotten holes in their unattended roofs. But then, the pony army would stop. It would take but a day to wait for the humans to come staggering out of their domiciles, addicted to the ponies’ delicious excrements and become enslaved, being payed in dung. The entirety of the humans would do whatever their masters commanded, and I would be the ruler of it all! And, if I’d become the ruler of the masters of the human race, I should probably also have a presidential mecha-suit that can transform into jets and helicopters and stuff like that. In fact, I’d probably also have an entire palace on the back of a gigantic mecha-transformer-spider-octopus-robot-thing. I really wish I could be a pony.
