Horse Feathers - A tale from the Humans Acting Villainous verse

by Lord Of Dorkness

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Sex, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Human, Main 6
Length: 32923

A man with the powers and appearance of Harry Dresden appears quite unwillingly in Ponyville. Sadly, he also gains the mouth of our favorite snarky wizard for hire and naturally makes a smashing first impression.

"Knowing all you've seen through that man's eyes, all his powers all but forced him to do... would you still strive to all but become him?"

Knowing what I know now, and what creepy sense that strange peddler's words now make to me...

I'd still say hell yes, of course. Come on. Magic. That's like the best thing that ever happened to me.

Becoming enemy number one of a country with demi-gods at the top just because my snark has gone into overdrive? Not so much.

For the League of Humans Acting Villainous group. Edited by Ranakastrasz, newbiedoodle, and Xanathar.

Will contain spoilers for the whole of The Dresden Files up to Cold Days, but can be read without knowledge of the series.

Thanks to the Dresden files wiki for making this easier and everybody that's made this bandwagon worth jumping onto.

Published 2014-02-21 04:30:11 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-10 23:43:15 UTC

Chapter 1 – Semioutomagical Upgrade

My name, even if I intended to wear different one for this fine evening, is Björn Ozymandias Lucius Maximilian Jönsson.

Yeah, my parents were hippies touched in the head by a hunted thesaurus levels of weird. My first name used to be Quentin for Pete’s sakes, just because dear ol’ mum really liked the letter ‘Q.’ I’m not sure if she ever quite forgave it, but I sent that name change request in the moment I turned eighteen. I didn't quite dislike any of the others enough to get rid of them, but I hardly liked them enough to go by them.

I couldn't quite keep a smirk of as I raised my ‘staff’ menacingly in my left hand and pointed my index finger at my reflection before speaking in a gravelly voice. “My name is Harry Copperfield Blackstone Dresden. Conjure with it at your own risk.”

I was more than a bit too short for Dresden at 'only' about 1,8 meters, but I had the pale skin naturally and a simple black dye job had done wonders on my formerly brown hair. Together with brown contacts and a few touches of makeup to make myself look a bit thinner I frankly looked the part.

I chuckled and lowered my attempt at traditional Ozkan folk-art to the floor with a soft clack. It was really only an old hockey stick… but that bend, a few runes and a liberal scrubbing with coffee grounds had given it a passing appearance of old wood and I honestly thought it would look quite good in the rather badly lit convention room. Granted, not getting a craving for the nectar of the gods or receiving jibs about being ‘Gandalf the Dark Roast’ every time I held it would have been a bonus… but you win some, you lose some. All in all, not bad for a twenty SEK at a flea market, a few hours with a sharp knife, a rag and a handful of household waste.

I shifted my weight slightly, trying to get a feel for the clothes I’d picked. Sadly, my old black leather duster from my ‘I've seen The Matrix too many times’ period of fashion would be hotter than a sauna the real Harry had had a fight near, even if it did look the part beautifully. It even had the ludicrous deep pockets and a small mantle parts down pat. Other than that I’d gone minimalist; just a simple white T-shirt, blue jeans and an old pair of black work-boots. Preferably I’d have liked a Spider-man or Star Wars shirt to be a bit more in character, but I hadn't found one that wasn't A, ludicrously expensive B, looked like crap C, clearly a Chinese copy of questionable quality or D, all of the above.

I took an extra moment to check the rest of my 'arsenal.' Just replicas and crap, but as one of the staff and founders of DorkCon it paid to lead by example.

Chalk? I rummaged until I felt the pack of old fashioned blackboard chalk in my inner pocket. Check. Didn't expect to use it, but perhaps somebody would like me to pose.

Ball of string? Check. That one would be even less likely to see use, but eh. Not like it weighed anywhere near the rest so I'd just thrown it in.

I jumped and moved a bit to make extra sure the holsters for my 'weapons' were sitting as they should. The 'ammo' in my pockets jingled just as I'd wanted it to. Given that the replicas and holsters had cost me more than the rest of the stuff combined and squared they'd damn well better. To my relief, they all seemingly sat quite snugly.

The sword cane I still wasn't quite sure about. On one hand it really added to the 'Harry on the warpath' angle I'd based the entire costume around... but on the other it looked as cheap as it was and I still wasn't quite sure how to carry it without looking like an utter tool. 'Walking stick' and cane? Made me look as if I'd escaped from the nearest asylum. I scratched my chin I'd let grow a bit stubbly for all this and thought it over. Perhaps next year...? I nodded to myself after a few moments. Yeah, as sad as it was, that sounded best.

Just as I was about to place it into my closet I got a spark of inspiration, however. It would look a bit ugly, but if I loosed the belted buckles on my Winchester replica’s back holster just a bit, and re-tightened them...

I stalked back to the mirror and wiggled a bit. It looked hideous and improvised, but it looked like the type of hideous and improvised a man without time for anything better had done. Perfect! I had to move the bright orange peace bonding tapes quite a bit, but it was so worth it. In conjunction with the ammo loop on the holster the whole thing just looked fierce.

I checked the police style holster and the 'revolver.' The silhouette under the leather might have been a minor detail, but meh. If I'm going to wear all this crap what difference does those a couple of kilos make? Technically, the M1911 pistol replica was utterly wrong for a Harry Dresden costume but it was the best I'd been able to get on the budget I'd set. I made doubly sure the peace bonding tape was clearly visible and held the 'gun' in place. Given how stringent my homeland’s concealed carry laws are I wanted no risk of misunderstanding over a plastic prop.

The blasting rod had clattered a bit while swinging against my leg, but the rune covered ex-baton seemed quite safe and snug in the pocket I'd added for it. I couldn't quite resist and wiped it out towards the mirror in what was probably a rather pathetically well rehearsed gesture. "Forzare!" I screamed at my reflection.

I couldn't quite resist a small chuckle as I replaced the thing into its pocket. A pity I was disqualified as one of the judges, or I'm fairly certain I'd placed at least. This costume was good. I put my fist on my sides and just basked in it for a few moments.

I grunted however, as I caught sight of my 'bling' currently resting on the table under my mirror. The shield bracelet and force rings were quite good, made by the same friend that dabbles in metalworking that made my sword...

I let out a sigh and face-palmed at the sight of my pentagram amulet. It was... crap. Utter, utter crap. Robin had simply run out of time and I'd had to improvise. It was probably one of the most important bits of the costume, but the one I had was just an old shoestring, steel wire and freaking aluminum foil. I'd done my best, but it was just this pathetic mockery of the real thing. Still it was better than nothing, so I placed it on my neck.

The shield bracelet went next, slipping easily around my left wrist. The simple chain with dangling shields in different metals danced and jingled in a quite pleasing way. It felt a bit uncomfortable since I was unused to jewelry, but I'd manage.

The rings were slightly more involved. The rings made from silver were stapled in threes and almost covered my right hand like some type of improvised knuckleduster once I clenched my fist. The thumb ones looked a bit silly if you didn't know what they 'did,' but one the whole I kinda liked the look.

I swiveled in place before the mirror, giving myself one last once over. With a big smile I did my best to prance downstairs in a manly fashion.

My friends, DorkCon co-founders and equal über-nerds were waiting on my couch.

Peter, the utter geek, was seemingly already in character and raised a plastic looking hand in silent greeting. He was wearing a long coat not that unlike my own, but with a more grayish blue tint to the black and with a somewhat crude flower pattern stitched onto the shoulders. These golden lenses was glued over his eyes. I didn't even want to know how warm and sticky the stuff must be, but he seemed unfazed. The man was a bit too thin for the costume and his face was all wrong, but on the whole? Quite decent. If he got his hands on something a bit better than the current somewhat ratty coat he’d have a quality Adam Jensen costume.

Mark had gone with Nero from DMC 4, making me realize just how many long coats there was in the room. He’d cheated a little and gone with the look the character has at the beginning of the game with his demonic arm hidden in a sling, but the red and blue coat itself was spot on. I wasn't sure if it was a attempt as being in character or not, but he was so into the music on his headphones he hadn't even noticed me come down the stairs. Instead he was just bobbing his head and making his white wig dance around, utterly lost to the world of the living. He was lacking any weapons, but otherwise he’d done a really good job.

David, however… There really was only one word for it. He’d cheated. Two freakishly realistic looking swords over his right shoulder, a white ponytail wig and a professional made looking leather armor with lots of pockets and even a few ‘potions’ on it. ‘Geralt’ raised a gloved hand and uttered the most in character words I could imagine. “Sup, what’s up? Dig the costume.”

I couldn't quite stop a smile as I joined them on the bottom floor. I waved my staff at the in greeting. <”Hey. Good to know I’m not the only dofus. Great costumes everybody.”>

David’s brow furrowed slightly as he thought over the translation from Swedish to English. He was my oldest friend and his parents had moved here only about half a year after mine had, but he was a couple of years older and wasn't that great at languages to begin with. He talked quite decent Swedish nowadays, but every once in a while his landmasses still erupts with kittens, if you follow.

Peter smiled at me, before gently tapping Mark on the shoulder. Mark had seemingly actually been into the music given how he flinched slightly, but he gave a small smile and turned his MP3-player off. He let out a low whistle at actually seeing me. <”Dude, that’s a really neat costume… but isn't all that gear kinda heavy?”>

I thumped myself on the chest with my freehand. “No pain, no gain.” I shook some feel back into my hand while my friends chuckled. I’d completely forgotten the rings. “Seriously though, my back will probably regret it tomorrow, but eh. So worth it.”

I pointed an accusing finger of wizardly doom at David. “But what the crap, man? I thought we had an agreement? To make our own stuff this year?”

David just smirked at me. “I’ll take that as a compliment.” He mimed sewing in the air. “Honestly, it’s not real armor. I've just been taking an arts and crafts thing for fun and decided to make something a bit more impressive than a teddy.”

I drummed a finger on my staff. Had to admit, I didn't quite believe him thanks to just how freakishly good his costume looked, but I still decided to take his word for it.

David pulled out his wolf amulet with a sigh and I had to fight back a snort. Now, that? I had no trouble believing it was a bad fake. The snarling silver wolf with ruby eyes looked more like a bulldog made from scrunched up aluminum foil. It was frankly rather admirably half-assed. He noticed my barely contained humor and gave me a meaningful look at my own amulet. I held my hands up in mock surrender and got a nod as he tucked his own special effects failure back under his neckline.

I pointed outside with my staff. “So, our ride here yet?”

Peter shook his head. “Nah, otherwise we’d been up by now and asked you to stop preening like a teenage girl with a date.” He chuckled dryly and crossed his arms, making the fake prosthesis gloves creak from the movement. “Seriously though, good job. I can really see why even things runs from that freaking wizard with that kind of arsenal. You've really captured what a scary bastard Dresden can be.”

I smiled proudly. Peter and Mark were unlike myself and David born and breed on these shores. We’d all met as far back as first freaking grade, and somehow had managed to hang together for all these years. Don’t quite know what I’d do without them watching my back, I’ll say that much.

I stomped over to the sofa and flopped down, making the old thing creak dangerously from all the weight. I had to be a bit carefully with the sword and rifle, but it worked. I wiped a bit of sweat from my forehead and nodded towards Peter. “How come you’re not dripping with all that leather and those gloves?”

Smirking, Peter just opened his coat slightly and shoved me the edge of a blue freeze pack in his inner pocket. “Some of us can think further than our noses, you know.”

I gave off an unhappy grunt. Dammit all, should have thought about that. Peter noticed me scowling and threw me the pack. “Here.”

The plastic glycol bottle clanked quite loudly against my rings as I caught it. I waved the thing a bit. “You sure?”

He patted his coat. “Got more. You make sure to avoid heatstroke.”

I flashed him a grateful smile before jabbing the pack into a mostly empty pocket. Almost immediately I started feeling a bit better. All this stuff might look cool, but at the same time it certainly wasn't if you follow.

“Hey, wanna see something a bit cool?” Mark said.

“Sure,” David said, accompanied by nods by Peter and I.

I gave a small clap as the sling on his arm lit up blue from within. “How’d you pull that off?”

Mark smiled proudly at us. “Couldn't figure out a way to do the Devil Bringer justice, but then I remembered that opening cut-scene.” The cast glowed blue again, and he tilted his body so we could see a small device hidden in his gloved palm. “I've got a few blue LEDs, a battery pack and a small button in this thing. Cool, huh?”

All the rest of us mumbled out affirmative statements. For what I’d initially thought a cheap fix he’d put some thought into it and actually made it rather awesome. Good for him.

A rather insistent beeping sound from outside broke our conversation off and signaled that our ride was here. We grunted ourselves to our feet and filtered out.

I got this oddest darn sensation when I passed my threshold. Like I’d walked over my own grave. Mark bumped into me from behind even.

“You alright?” he asked, looking a bit concerned.

I stepped aside and pulled out my keys. “Yeah, just… I don’t even know. Just got this strange impulse.” I shivered slightly despite the heat of my duster. It had been gone as quickly as it had come, but for a moment I’d just gotten this sense of doom. “Like I should go crawl under my bed for the rest of the night. Strange, huh?”

Mark shrugged and crossed his other arm over his cast. “Can’t say I believe in intuition or signs, but you look a bit pale. Want us to handle it and get some rest? There’ll be other Halloweens.”

I waved him off as I locked my front door. “Just a feel. I’m not canceling my plans for a shiver down my spine no matter what day it is.”

Mark barked out a laugh and headed for the white MIB style van we’d bought cheaply for all this. I couldn't tell what in the dark, but somebody had painted something on it. Probably a logo of some sort.

The van was something we’d agreed on once DorkCon was starting to become more than a dozen nerds in a basement. It was a bit of a gas guzzler, but all in all it had been a sound investment. No way we’d fit in just a normal car with all our gear, and taking the bus like this? That was just a recipe for odd looks at the least, getting the cops called on the ‘four armed loons’ at worst. Things were getting better and better year by year, but Halloween just isn't that big a holiday here in Sweden. In the big cities most at least know about the whole deal, but out here in the sticks the snooze-fest of All Saints' Day was still the big thing. Personally, I preferred costumes and candy to morose mourning of those passed… but takes all sorts and blablabla. As long as the old-timers didn't mess with my party, I wouldn't mess with their yearly wake.

Something made me turn and look at my house. Rather small, but two stories. Falu-red walls and white trims as was common around here. Not much and the yard was next to nonexistent, but it was mine. Completely paid for, even. My bookstore wasn't the biggest around, but I had a decent selection of mostly non-mainstream stuff and word had spread quite nicely. I wasn't exactly Furtuna 500 material, but I’d like to think I’d done well for myself...

So why the hell was I getting this strange sense I was seeing it for the last time? Like I was about to go away for a long time?

“You coming?” Peter shouted while hanging out from the back-doors and waving me in, cutting off my strange train of thought.

I shoot an apologetic smile at him and hurried in.

It wasn't a large van so it was a bit cramped, but somebody had placed big pillows out for us to sit on. Technically, this was a bit shady legally since we wouldn't be wearing any safety belts, but it was that or walk the two miles to the place we’d rented.

I picked the last cushion by the door and sank down. I pointed towards the driver’s compartment with my staff. “Who’s driving?”

A feminine hand waved through the small window. “Yo. So, you nerds ready to party?”

I smiled at that. Roberta was Mark’s younger sister and a good kid. She liked to give us a bit of crap for being the ‘kings of all nerds’ but frankly, I’d seen her game collection. It rivaled my book one, and considering I had more shelves then walls… Yeah, utterly hypocritical, but that was kinda the running joke.

We rode in silence, our thoughts lingering on DorkCon and the rest of the night. We’d been running the ‘con’ for a few years now and it was growing steadily. Technically, it was more of a themed movie night; an excuse to dress up, mingle and watch scary movies with a projector. It had started as just something we four did together each Halloween, but Peter had suggested one year that we tried making it a bit bigger and selling tickets. The rest, as the cliche goes, was history. We’d had a hundred and fifty souls in attendance last year and this one the ticket sales at least had been double that.

We rolled onto the Larsson family farm we were renting an old barn from within the hour. i took a few moments to stretch when getting out into the beautiful fall night. It was moist and cold, but not enough that it was distracting. I took a moment to look up. The moon wasn't quite full, but it shone brightly and clearly illuminated the racing clouds. A sea of stars sparkled above me, far more than back home in the city. It was just… enchanting, no other words for it. Really one of those sights that seemed a bit magical, as if it didn't quite belong to this world.

We all just stood and enjoyed it for a bit. Even Peter who normally tends to be utterly disinterested when I’ve found my latest ‘shiny’ as he put it seemed a bit mesmerized.

Roberta broke the moment first. “Hey, guys? Can we hurry?” She made a few jumping jacks for emphasis. “My costume isn't exactly as warm as those of you proud members of the trench-coat brigade.”

David coughed pointedly into a gloved hand; buffing his armor meaningfully with it afterwards.

Roberta rolled her eyes, something I almost missed in the gloom. She was wearing a bright orange long-sleeved shirt with baggy arms, buckle shoes, knee high socks that matched the shirt and this brightly red skirt. The whole ensemble was topped by these fake gigantic glasses. I could have sworn I’d seen it before, but I just couldn't place her costume.

I taped my staff against my forehead, thinking, for a half a minute or so before giving up. <“Alright, I can’t place you. Who’re you dressed as?”>

I realized I’d placed my foot in my mouth when all four of them stared at me. <“...You've never seen Scooby Doo?”> Roberta asked incredulously.

I smacked my forehead as it clicked. <“Sorry, just slipped my mind.”> I searched through my mind, wrecking it to find where I’d heard that name. I brightened as it clicked. <”Oh, right! That Raja Gosnell flick with the talking dog everybody panned, right? I personally thought it kinda decent, but nothing special.”>

Everybody just stared at me like I’d grown a second head.

An old woman’s head.

Out my butt.

With a witches hat on, and singing a lewd song about hedgehogs.

Then it clicked. <“Oh, right. That flick was based on something animated, right? You know I’m not much of a fan…”>

The rest of the gang face-palmed while Peter walked up and patted me gently on the head. “Dude, not knowing about Scooby Doo is the animated equivalent of asking ‘Who’s that?’ when shown a pic of William Shatner in yellow spandex.”

I rolled my eyes at my laughing friends. <“Seriously, we've been over this a million and one times. I just don’t like the type of entertainment.”> I shook my head, trying not to sound sad and consenting. <“Anything you can freaking imagine and draw brought to life... and most of ‘em just have the same boring plots and characters as your average sitcom. Sorry, but I’m sticking to my books, games and live action movies.”>

The philistines rolled their eyes at me in turn, but they shut up and we filtered in through the big double doors. The barn wasn't really anything special; in fact, it wasn't even being used anymore. But it was big and cheap.

And packed. I actually had to gently poke a path through the gently shifting sea of nerds just so that the four of us could get to the stage. Roberta waved us off and darted away to get a seat before the rush.

We climbed up to the stage, elucidating a quick applause for our costumes that made all of us smile. So worth it.

Peter started giving a small speech that I tuned out since it was all thing I already heard. The only thing that stuck out and with me was something about a couple of small dealers tables for the first time, located in an old basement nearby. I decided to check em out later, but for now, I checked the competition.

It was an eclectic mix, both in themes and quality. This rather disturbingly good Sailor Moon with an Adam's apple was chatting quietly with a simple sheath ghost with a huge rack near the edge of the small stage. I wondered briefly if they were a couple and if I was missing some joke, but they seemed to be enjoying themselves and that was the important bit.

A hulking… uh, Hulk was shivering near one of the heaters. We’d close the doors soon, but it still amused me that there was at least a few every year. Halloween night which implies fall weather, the whole thing takes place in the bum-fuck of nowhere... and you still end up with people wearing these tiny strips of latex and wondering why they’re freezing.

All in all, about half the guest were wearing costumes. Far more than I’d anticipated. There was this rather odd trend though. A lot of dudes were wearing pastel horse, unicorn and pegasus costumes. I couldn't say I cared as long as they behaved and had fun, but it seemed just a bit weird to me. I guessed I’d missed the hot trend of the moment again.

Still, I just filled it away with a mental shrug. It was more interesting than ‘grizzly dude in armor #8534’ or ‘zombie #11132575,’ I’d grant it that. The intellectual in me was a little curious what those emblems on their hips were about, but only a bit.

I put it out of mind as Peter finished the short introduction for the first movie, an old forgotten classic we’d stumbled across while researching for things to show tonight; The Raven. All the way from 1963 and starring both Vincent Price and Boris Karloff, among others. It wasn't that scary, but it had a wonderful atmosphere and a really nice wizard duel that frankly still held up to today's standards. It was based on the poem by the same name, but looser than the head of a highwayman after a incompetent hangman’s administrations. It was a good movie and perfect for the opening act since so few in the audience would have seen it... but since I had I decided to instead take the opportunity to go look for those dealers instead.

I must have made an impression, because I got a few posing request before I made it out. Granted, half of them wondered why a private eye had a wizard's staff and bling, while most of the other wondered why Gandalf was wearing leather and packing heat… but still. I was just happy to have all that effort vindicated and steer a few towards the glory of Jim Butcher.

One of my friends must have had a moment of inspiration earlier when we set up, because these nifty paths had been laid out in the ground and marked with glow-sticks. I found a note in Peter’s handwriting on a board near the entrance and lit by a small spotlight; red for the loos, blue for the rather entrepreneuring Larsson family’s kitchen where they had set up some type of small eatery and green for the dealers. I strolled down the green path, whistling a merry tune.

Then a rumble that freaking echoed from the hills clawed itself out of my stomach, reminding me I had forgotten to eat thanks to the last minute crap today. I swiveled on my feet and skipped over to the blue path instead.

I waved at the portly and grayed woman sitting outside the main farmhouse. It seemed they kept the cooking indoors, but four giant metal pots were sitting on a heat plate each on the serving table. I couldn't’ tell the dishes just from the smell, but it did smell utterly delicious and made my mouth water. <“Evening, Mrs. Larsson. You've started serving yet?”>

 Mrs. Larsson waved back with a smile before readjusting the blanket she’d draped over herself. <”We have… but no need for that missus stuff, young man. It’s a bit rude, you know?”>

I flashed her an apologetic grin. <”Sorry, M-”> I coughed into my freehand at the slip, but Mrs. Larsson just laughed. <“I meant: Sorry, Siv. Just a habit from the motherland I can’t quite seem to let go. No insult intended.”>

Mrs. Larsson just chuckled at me. <”Eh, no worries. I get that you're just trying to be polite. You use the wrong tone of voice for it to be an insult.”> She nodded towards the barn. <”Last minute inspection, or…?”>

I dug out my wallet and pulled forth a fifty SEK note I then placed on the table. <“Well, I’ve already seen the movie, nothing seems to be on fire… so I thought I’d go check things out and get some food into my system.”>

Mrs. Larsson nodded at me as she scooped up the bill and placed it in her till. <”Fair enough. The left pair is sausage stroganoff and rice, while the right is pea soup and meat soup, in that order. Not exactly Halloween themed food, but we went with what we’re fairly certain people will eat.”> She jerked a thumb towards a smaller table a bit away with pitchers and thermoses on it, before handing me a paper bowl, a plastic spoon and a paper cup. <“Drinks, tea and coffee over there, and a bowl refill is thirty SEK. Enjoy!”>

I chuckled at her as I went to inspect the food. <”So that’s why the food’s so cheap. First fix is almost free, huh?”>

The old lady just smiled with a twinkle in her eye before sitting down again.

I decided on the sausage stroganoff. Not only did I quite like the dish, but it seemed like it be the one to go first. I put a brim filled bowl of the meaty goodness down on the ground, got myself a cup of Joe and unceremoniously flopped down for my feast.

Mrs. Larsson chuckled at me again while I and my taste-buds quietly ascended to home-cooking heaven. I try not to be the stereotypical bachelor and live on takeout, but cooking just isn't as fun when you do it for yourself. <”So, who’re you dressed as, anyway?”>

I swallowed my taste of gently seasoned nirvana and took a sip of my coffee before answering. <”Harry Dresden. He’s a ‘wizard for hire’ as he calls it. Imagine this cross between a PI and… well, a wizard.”> I poured deep into my dark roast, quite enjoying the look that looked back at me. I looked fierce like this. A pity it required a bit much work for my taste, otherwise I might have made a try at making it a bit more permanent. <”Imagine a grizzled private eye, but with tracking spells instead of stakeouts and you've got the gist of it.”>

She gave my fake guns and other stuff a funny look. <”And the arsenal fit for a small fiefdom?”>

I couldn't help it, I barked out a laugh that almost made me spill my coffee. <”Let’s say the series gets a bit dark. The first book has him track down a warlock serial killer that makes his victims hearts explode out of their chest… and then the later books get worse.”> I took another bite out of my bowl as Mrs. Larsson turned slightly green for some reason. <”Don’t get me wrong, they're great books. They just get a bit grim between the wisecracks and moments of awesome.”>

Mrs. Larsson shrugged and held up a book of her own. The title, ‘Taken by the T-Rex’ and the cover of a lightly clad lady and a… well, T-Rex made my ears almost burst a flame. The old biddy let out a laugh that made her seem ten years younger and put the book away again. <”Sorry, dear. I just couldn't resist!”> She tapped the rather strange book with a finger. <”Grand kid gave me it as a joke. I thought I’d read it out here just to see how many people notice.”>

Alright, I’ll admit, that made me chuckle. I finished my meal in peace and sauntered off for the green path after having thrown away my utensils and waving goodbye to Mrs. Larsson.

It lead me to one of those external basement door slash trapdoor things. You know, those things that are low enough you have to lean down, but still kinda look like doors and usually covers a staircase? The particular word escaped me at the moment, but the basement beyond was brightly lit and I skipped down, eager to make a few bargains.

I was a bit disappointed. I hadn't exactly expected three meter tall mecha figures, racks of expertly crafted costumes, anatomically ‘correct’ anime dildos or whatever it is you could find at the big cons… but it honestly looked like a somewhat nerdy flea market and a small one at that. Just short of a dozen tables and the tenders looked half asleep even at this hour.

Still, I drifted around and checked them all. Taking my time since the movie would be playing for quite a bit more.

I stopped at a small table, seemingly specializing in new-age stuff. I wasn't a believer, but I found the subject and the occult in general rather fascinating. Quite a lot of it was the usual incense and crystals crap, but they also had a small stack of books that caught my eye.

The stall owner, a middle aged looking woman in a thick jacket and with a felt cap seemed to find me presence at her table rather amusing. <”Taking the role a bit serious, are we?”>

I just chuckled at her and gave a small two finger salute. <”What can I say? Bit of a nerd.”>

She shrugged her shoulders and leaned back. <”Fair enough. Just tell me if you find anything you like… Mr. Dresden.”>

That made me look up. <”Ah? A fellow fan, then? That’s a bit rare here in Sweden.”>

She leaned over the table and stuck her hand out. <”Emelia Lundvall. Nice to meet you.”>

I stuck my hand out and gave her a firm shake. <”Björn Jönsson. You in the new age business yourself, or just a gig?”>

I gave her an apologetic smile as she shook some feeling back into her hands. I held my hand up and put an sheepish grin on. <”Sorry, not used to all this metal on me. You’re hand OK?”>

She gave me a nod. She seemed slightly peeved, but at the same time she seemed to realize it had been an accident. <”Björn Jönsson… and yet you have a British twang to your voice. No offence, but any chance I can get to know why?”>

I shrugged, making my stuff shift a bit. <”Not much of a secret. Dad is from the isles, mom was from around here. Mom tried, but it only lasted long enough for me to get this accent.”>

The girls eyes grew a bit soft at the ‘was’ bit, but she made no comment on it. <”Well, as I said, pleasure to met you. Just tell me if anything catches your eye.”>

I gave her a nod and started browsing. Sadly, the books turned out to be either crap ‘spell-books’ I’d been burned too many times on to care, or the slightly more serious stuff I’d already read. I did however find a small brass pendulum on a leather string that seemed like it fit the costume and wasn't terribly expensive, so I bought it.

I waved the smiling stall keeper off and went on my way. I was halfway to the stairs when a dusty door caught my eye. The door looked as if was to just an old closet, and caked in old cobwebs… but something just caught my eye about it.

It was a bit rude, but this was technically a public space. If it turned out to be a closet… well, hardly as I was intending to steal anything.

I did not expect what I found on the other side of the door. It looked like a freaking shop, and not closet sized at that. I leaned out and checked the door, then leaned in through the frame. I wasn't certain how it had been done, but the whole thing was giving me a TARDIS vibe.

With a shrug I headed in. Nifty trick, but I was in a basement. Disguising a door to another part of the basement wasn't exactly beyond the pale.

The room was five by five meters and with a ceiling height of three, making it feel as if you’d really stepped into another place. I wasn't sure if the owner, a youngish man in a purple wizard costume with golden stars on and a fake beard who seemed to find my stunt at the door amusing, had used humidifiers or something… but it really felt in the very air as if I’d entered another place entirely. I swear I could even hear distant ocean waves, despite our con being smack dab inland.

Four modern locking metal storm lanterns hung from chains from the ceiling in each corner, casting a warm light over the room and illuminating the tables filled with wares. The wares rested in turn on a giant U shaped table with a white silk table cloth on it and covered in merchandise. The whole thing reached all the way to the wall with the door, but was slightly offset from the far wall to let the shopkeeper move about freely behind his stuff.

I couldn't see the walls, since he’d put up a folding screen that reached all the way to the ceiling and all around the room. It was rather ingenious, really. It really gave this sense that there was a real shop, just beyond those fake walls. For some reason the owner seemed to have a thing for mythological creatures, but mostly equine ones judging from the illustrations. Pegasi, unicorns, the mares of Diomedes, dragons, manticores… but two creatures seemed to return again and again, coupled with a moon and sun theme. Two winged unicorns, depicted almost as in the same style as saints or gods. One usually a deep blue, but sometimes pitch black, while the other was the purest of white… even if in some she was little more than a vaguely equine flame that color that raged across part of the screen.

I gave the owner a polite wave as I stepped over the threshold.  He seemed to find the gesture just as amusing as my earlier hesitation in the door, but he returned a small wave of his own. The dude just had one of those smiles. The utterly insufferable content ones you only seem to see on the faces of stoners, high level mathematicians and others that believe they've understand the ‘joke’ of it all. I gave him a nod and started checking out his wares.

My eyes were drawn to the screen once more, however. I swear, the thing was so detailed that it almost seems to shift and move as soon as you looked away. My eyes lingered on a particular illustration, where the white one in her full fury seemed to be bound into the very sun by a rainbow of all things. It should have been gaudy and cutesy, but the artist had made it work. You really got a sense of titans rising and falling, despite the subject matter.

I turned to owner. <“I’m fairly certain I know the answer… but how much for the screen? It is beautiful.”>

His eyes widened a bit at that, as if he hadn't expected that. <”You have a good eye for the finer things, sir…”> He reached back and patted the thing as if it was a cat. <”...but my darling here is not for sale.”> His smile widened a bit and turned warmer. <”Still, thank you for the compliment. I’m certain Harmony appreciates it.”>

Harmony? The name made me recheck the illustrations… and indeed, it seemed to be a theme. For every time the dark one fell to corruption, there was a scene of purification; for every rage by the light one, a calming and chance for redemption. It seemed to be reflected in the lesser creatures as well, but to a lesser degree as well. Was it symbolic, perhaps? That even the divine may fall and one shouldn't dwell on past mistake, but we shortsighted mortals had a harder time finding that redemption? <”...You sure I can’t say I price? The patterns and symbolism in this piece is just fascinating.”>

The owner’s eyes widened again, as if I’d once more done something I shouldn't have. Something I shouldn't have been able to do. It puzzled me, but I figured he was just playing up the ‘owner of the little shop that wasn't there yesterday’ angle. It was Halloween, after all. Still, he gave me a tiny shake. <”No. It is far too dear to me to part with. Still, once more, thank you for the compliments.”>

I gave the man a nod and went back to checking his actual wares. I had a few stacks of volumes I’d only part with during the direst of circumstances, so I could respect his wish to keep the thing.

And what wares! Truly, they made the rest outside this nifty room look like junk. It was mostly slated towards costume stuff, but a few more esoteric knickknacks were mixed in. What seemed like a Deck of Many Things replica rested side by side with a freaking proton pack, while at the other end of the same table a Red Queen and Blue Rose set that would have made Mark drool until it ruined his costume rested on a stand.

I’m honestly not sure how long I spent in there, just examining nifty little treasure after nifty little treasure. I realized I was quite probably missing the rest of the damn Con, but I just didn't care. I wasn't certain why this man had gone through such trouble for our tiny over-glorified movie night, but man was it an impressive collection he had.

Normally when I get in this mood I end up irritating the poor shopkeeper half to death, but this particular one just seemed to just find me more and more amusing as the minutes passed like moments. I was just closely examining an excellently done Rune of Torment on what looked like real skin, resting in a glass case when the owner let out a small polite cough.

I looked up, making me realize just how busted my back was getting from leaning with all this gear. I fought down a small wince to do so, but I gave the man a nod.

He just smiled that cryptic smile again. <”Although it is immensely pleasing to see a customer that actually takes his time instead of just grabbing the first thing on the table he likes…”> He raised an immaculately manicured hand and pointed at a spot on the other end of the store almost clearly opposite from where I was currently standing. <”...I will admit that I can’t help but feel I know what you will end up buying. May I recommend you check that table? I think you will find something there to your liking.”>

I raised an eyebrow at that, but complied. I almost instantly spotted what he’d been talking about, once I actually paid attention to that end of the store. Nestled in between what seemed a shriveled hand and eye that seemed utterly wrong somehow resting on a black velvet pillow, and a simple golden ring on a equally simple chain simply laying on the table…

Rested perfection.

...Alright, that was probably a bit over-dramatic. Still, a pentacle amulet on a chain, both in actual silver. About the size of my palm and what looked like a real ruby about the size of my thumb resting in its center. The thing gleamed in the softly dancing flames, as if it was half forged from light rather than something as mundane as silver. I have no idea how, but it barely seemed to touch the velvet it rested on. The thing was simply a masterpiece.

The owner reached forward and slid a key into the lock for the glass case it rested in and opened the thing up for me.

“Beautiful, isn't it?” He said, switching to English for some reason. Perhaps he found it more dramatic, or was simple more proficient in it? Either way, I made no comment. He ran a single finger over the chain almost reverently, as if he didn't quite dare touch the amulet itself. “You are aware of the symbolism, correct?”

I nodded, my eyes caught on the amulet. “Magic. The five elements. Fire, water, air, earth and spirit, all bound by human will.” I pointed at the ruby. “And in this case, at its center lays something even more dangerous bound by them all.”

“Oh?” The owner said, sounding amused again. “And what would be more dangerous than fire, water, air, earth and spirit, shaped by something as flimsy and yet undying as mortal will?”

I raised my hand and tapped my temple. “Knowledge. How else is one to shape such forces in the first place?”

“Explain, please.” He smiled that slightly warmer smile again. “I do not dispute the claim, but I wish to hear your logic for it.”

I folded my arms over my stomach with my staff in between, thinking. It was a bit silly, but… this seemed like an important conversation, somehow. As if it would influence much of what came after. “...What other thing exist beyond all good and evil? Knowledge does not care how one uses it. Knowledge simply is or isn't.”

“There are those that say that knowledge is but power in the abstract…” He ran one hand over the other, somehow ending up with these giant golden coins in between each finger. It seemed this guy really liked his unicorns, because they all had this smiling cartoon mare on them. “And in that case, is it not the same as money as well?” He throw the coins into the air. I saw them leave his hand, but they never landed. Neat. “A bit trite and too sad a way to see the world for my taste, but it is believed by many.”

I thought it over, but I shook my head. “No. Knowledge may lead to both…” I reached behind my back and tapped a finger on my gun. “...but what is getting a lucky shot, compared to knowing how make the correct one every time?” I spread my arms, and couldn't quite keep a smug smile off my face. “And despite how I gave that bit of philosophy away… it remains with me. What mere bit of coin could be greater than a treasure whose depth and glory only grows when shared?”

The man let out a slow breath, seemingly quite pleased with my reasoning. “Oh, you’ll go far, young man. Keep that intellect.” He reached up and tapped his own temple. “Forgive a man who’s a bit older than he looks his dramatics… but I've found few finer pursuits in life and I’d like to think I know a bit more than most men.” He let out a silvery laugh that seemed to hang in the air. “Well, except about woman. They've proved a bit troublesome to crack.”

I bit back a snort at the joke, but he just laughed again. “Forgive me for ruining the very dramatic moment we were having, but I just had to crack that joke.”

I raised an eyebrow in mock excitement. “A joke? That was a joke?!”

He blinked, seemingly genuinely confused. “...Yes?”

I let out a big gasp and ‘accidentally’ dropped my staff. “You've actually figured out women? Just what eldritch sorcery allowed you to perform that feat?!”

The man was just still for a moment. Then he started laughing so hard that he bent double and even his beard snapped off with a twinge. The fake facial hair sailed away into the corner nearest the door and us.

I had to admit, it was an infectious laugh. I wasn't quite sad a person enough to laugh at my own joke, but it was nice to have made somebody laugh like that. As corny as it might be, it made me smile. I took the opportunity to grab my staff again while the dude get it out of his system.

He was fighting for breath when he finally stopped. “By me, I don’t even remember the last time I laughed that hard.” He gave me a small clap.”Good one.”

I raised an eyebrow again.”By me?”

He just smiled and pointed at the proton pack. “A movie I rather enjoyed once told me that if anybody asks if you are a god… Well, the concept amused me enough to run with it.” He bit back a snicker. “You should see the faces on the evangelists.”

I’ll admit, that was an amusing concept. “...Ever tried to get any of them to convert? Turnabout is fair play, after all.”

The owner blinked and started laughing again, even if it he got it under control a bit quicker this time. He waggled a finger at me, eyes sparkling. “Oh man, did I pick the right piece for you. You keep that tongue and wit, kid.”

“I’ll try,” I said, leaning a bit on my staff with my eyes on the pentagram. “So, how much? I doubt I have enough, but…”

He just lifted the thing with a single finger looped into the chain and held it up. “No charge. Consider it a gift for having amused an old man.”

I just stared at both him and the necklace. “...That is very generous of you, but I don’t think I can accept. That looks like a real ruby, but I'm certain about the silver.”

He blinked again, but this time he gave me a level look. Something about it made a shiver dance across my spine, but I couldn't tell why. Just like that it was gone however, and he was back to his old smile. “My, you really mean it. Sorry about the glare, but in my line of work you very quickly grow tired of false humility. Seeing the real deal, however? That is always a treat.”

I just shrugged, uncertain what to say to that.

His eyes settled on my current amulet. “Did you know? In some cultures an artist only part of a craft is considered to bring forth what was already there, to unleash the work from the lesser form that bound it. According to those that believe it the craftsman is actually inconsequential, all that matters is that true glory being brought forth into the world. Have you heard of this perspective?”

I scratched my shin. “...Sounds familiar, but I can’t place it. Sorry.”

He lifted his arms from his side in an exaggerated shrug. “I must admit I doubt that, but it is a thought I've found amusing to philosophy on over the years.” He pointed his left hand at my current amulet. “Would a trade make you more comfortable with this moment?”

I took the tacky little thing from around my neck and stared at it. I jingled it on the end of my finger, making the thing bounce on its old shoelace. “You do know I made this in five minutes with household stuff, right?”

“Ah, such Honesty…” He murmured happily with his head slightly tilted, and eyes glassed over, seemingly lost in thought for that moment. “But come now, ‘Mr. Dresden.’ Is accepting a small token of Generosity truly so awfully beyond the pale?”

i hesitated, but it was such a pretty replica. Still, it didn't sit quite right with me. “Tell you what, Mr?” I extended my right hand and gave him a smile. “Always a pleasure to met another collector. How about we make it a token of friendship. I’m Björn Jönsson, a true pleasure.”

The man did that strange growing stiff thing again, before giving me a radiant smile and grabbing my hand. “Seppo Ilmarinen, likewise.”

We exchanged the amulets. To my surprise he actually placed the amulet I’d made into the case and locked it away. He had the strangest nostalgic smile on when he did so. “One’s first works are often rather humble… but one should still keep at it, no matter what your chosen art. Once never know when and how that first seed of greatness will sprout.”

“Well said,” I spoke plainly as I placed my new bit of bling around my neck. I hesitated when I felt how warm it felt from his hands, and I couldn't quite not look at my old one. “You know, speaking of artifice… Know an interesting belief I heard once, even if I can’t remember where?”

“Go ahead.”

I tapped the amulet, and then pointed at the one in the case. “That anytime you make something, a bit of your spirit lingers in it. That even if you make no further modification to it, it will grow with you, and you with it.” I tucked my new amulet in under my shirt to keep it safe. “Don’t know if I believe it, but a beautiful thought, is it not?”

Seppo’s eyes grew veiled and nostalgic again as he nodded mostly to himself. “I’d like to think I've made a few things worthy of such words… but it is something of the creator's curse that the skill and one’s hands never quite can keep up with what your inner eye sees.” His eyes drifted to the tapestry. “I’d like to think a few of my works have captured that little extra, but there’s always that moment of doubt when you look at what your own hands have wrought.”

That made me make a double take. “You painted that?”

Seppo actually got a light coating of red on his cheeks. “What can I say?” He jerked a thumb to the wall behind him. “A bit silly and out of my age bracket, but just something of a fan work for this thing I kinda like.” He turned his head and looked at a particular bit with the dark and the light unicorn meeting in mortal combat, horns locked. “I think it came out rather well, all things considered.”

I didn't know what Seppo was talking about… but anything that had inspired art like that was alright in my book. I decided to check online if I could find anything about unicorns in roughly that style once I came home. I doubted it would be easy, but seemed worth a look.

I reached into the depths of my duster and fished out one of my cards. “Here,” I said as I gave it to him. “You give me a call someday, OK?”

Seppo took the flimsy little thing and squirreled it away in his robe. “I travel quite a bit, but I’ll make sure to do that.” He pointed towards the door with a smile. “But I believe I've held you here for long enough. Do enjoy your gift…” He winked at me. “Mr. Dresden.”

I chuckled and waved over my back as I headed out. Man, so worth it but I must have spent hours in this place. My friends needed to see this place but…

My train of thought got yanked to pieces as my hand just passed through the door. I tried to take a step back in shock, but the floor suddenly wouldn't hold me either.

As I fell backwards through the strange void, the last thing I saw before things got weird was Seppo from leaning down towards me, waving and smiling. “You enjoy yourself! That’s usually the important bit!”

I didn't have time to shout a reply. Things just started twisting. Up was down, left became guacamole, in front of me lay eternal fields of orange and behind only bitter smells of lost dreams…

Shit got whack, OK?

I’m not sure how long I fell like that in that black void, too weirded out to even scream. All I know is that I felt strangely twisted and as if something was leaking into my ears. Like this whisper just at the edge of hearing.

I did notice when normalcy returned, however.

Being a kilometer up and yet somehow surrounded by sunlit clouds will do that to a man. Then I started screaming.

I twisted around, flattening myself to slow my fall a bit. It didn't work nearly enough. Just to add to the splat factor I was falling towards what looked like a decently sized town and a cobbled town square, just for a few more ‘screw you’s’ from the universe.

Then… then something went *click* in my mind. Like I suddenly knew something I’d known all my life. I just hadn't known it all my life five minutes ago.

The air just suddenly felt… There wasn't a better word for it. Alive. As if something I’d never felt before suddenly just had switched on. Like being without a sense of touch all your life only to suddenly feel a lover's gentle touch, or sense of smell and being given a rose.

I was just so utterly lost in that sensation I lost track of time for a moment. The scream just went away and tears fell from my eyes. It was just... beautiful.

Then another absurdly low cloud whizzed past around me and snapped me out of it. Now was not quite the time.

Another new lifelong memory made me push my staff in front of me. I was distracted for a moment. Not only did it look much more realistic somehow… but my hand was not only paler, but the fingers seemed longer and thinner.

But once more, now was not the time.

I grabbed at that strange energy, drew it towards me and my staff… only to get almost lost in what would have been another but more final moment as the raw sense of power flooded me.

But I remained focused, trust my staff forward and shouted words I somehow knew even more by heart then before.

“Veni Che!”

The local winds and air roared and leapt at my commend, all flowing towards me and under me, doing their utmost to slow my descent.

It was a bit too little, too late, but the freaking spell turned what should have been a splat into a painful belly flop that just drove the air out of my lungs.

I’d done magic.

I’d done magic.

I’d done freaking magic!

My celebratory shout of joy turned into this rather pathetic wheeze, but it was the thought that counted. It was half from the utter awe at my new powers and half from the adrenaline, but I just started laughing like a loon.

Trembling, I got to my feet, using my staff to push myself to my feet.

Only for my laugh to die in my throat. The world was… wrong. Not only was it eye-searingly cute, cuddly and colorful, but…

These tiny pony things with coats and manes all the colors of the rainbow, and huge eyes were just staring at me. Like I was some sort of strange alien creature that had just fallen out of the sky.

OK, bad example, but my point still stood.

I couldn't help it. I just said the first thing that came to mind as my first words on these strange new lands.

“O~K, what fresh new Technicolor hell is this?”

Chapter 2 - Harry Dresden, World Class Diplomat

Since nothing was actively launching at my face at the moment, I decided to pull myself to my full height and just take stock of things.

And whoa, was it a full height! I swear I almost saw clouds again. I flexed my limbs, not really sure how to feel about what my senses were telling me. I’d never been a short ham-beast, or anything… but I’d ended up much thinner and wiry.

I cracked my neck, to the clear discomfort of some of the ‘locals.’ Still, nobody seemed to wish to make the first move, and I was frankly feeling like obliging them until I was certain I didn't have a stick through my abdomen or something.

From what I could tell at first glance I still had all my stuff… except all of it had gotten a similar upgrade as my staff judging from the sudden weight increase. It was especially noticeable on my back thanks to both the sword and Winchester being there, but the pistol holster under my duster tugged just a bit more towards the ground.

An odd resistance when I moved it made me look at my right hand. I flexed my hand experimentally, only to feel as if my fingers were moving through something that wasn't quite molasses, but in that ballpark.

My rings still looked like simple silver bands stacked in threes, but I could feel runes on their insides now that I hadn't added. An odd warmth I now realized was the magic working flowed through them flared slightly every time I moved my hand and by extension them, as the bleed away some of the kinetic energy for later use.

That’s one of the important and first lessons of magic, actually. It is always far easier to bend and control forces already in play, then conjuring them up whole cloth. Kinda like lighting a fire is possible by just rubbing two sticks together and letting friction do its thing, but it is far easier to just hold a bit of kindling to an already lit candle.

And although I’d know that in the abstract, I now suddenly knew it. It made my fish out my amulet and give it a suspicious glare. It looked the same, but I swear I saw this gleam in the bottom of the ruby that all but screamed that the damn thing had winked at me. I jabbed my other index finger at it. “And just what is so darn funny, you overpriced doorstop?”

My amulet just seemed to find this hilarious, judging from how this short burst of ruby light that reminded me suspiciously off Sempo’s laugh burst forth. With a sigh I just let it drop on my chest.

Speaking of chest, that was the really the only part of me that hurt. The spot where I’d landed on my own staff felt sore, but not hurt. Other then that I honestly felt in suspiciously good shape. Like I’d dropped ten years somehow and actually started exercising more than the minimum.

As worrisome as that thought about what had happened to my body was it was hardly the time. For all I knew the locals were all psychic projections from these kilometer big death minds hidden away miles below the earth and those shocked stares were them trying to decide how they would tear my atoms apart.

Yes, I am fully aware that they looked like nothing but the cutest darn versions of unicorns, pegasi and normal ponies I’d ever seen… but I was currently a bookstore owner with a few things jammed into my head that just happened to look like a badass wizard. One lost in what just screamed ‘other dimension.’ A bit of paranoia seemed wise.

So, I tried to be friendly and raised my hand. “Um, hi?”

That broke the moment. Spurred on by a trio of pony mares with flower emblems on their butts who off all damn things thought running away and shouting ‘The horror!’ was the wisest action.

I’ll admit, I just throw my head back and face-palmed as the most adorable stampede I’d ever seen happened.

I got a bit distracted despite the shouts and screams as I felt my face. It wasn't mine anymore. It was leaner with harder edges. A face I recognized.

Oh fuck me sideways with half a gimp, that bit of magic bling had really turned me into Harry.

I put my other hand on my face and tried to not scream in frustration.

That’s about when something moving at Mach fucking ten hit me in the side. Now, my new slash old duster if it followed the same pattern as my other gear it was not enchanted to act as the second best thing to wearable tank armor. The problem that was normally a boon however, is that it was still flexible. Thus, even if it would stand up to claws, blades, bullets and perhaps even televangelist, it didn't do as much against blunt force trauma.

Luckily, either the person was pulling their punches or I got lucky because it didn't feel as if anything broke, but I heard my freaking ribs creak as we went into a tumble.

We stopped, showing me a cerulean pegasus mare with what looked like a bloody rainbow clown wig on straddling me and pinning my arms to my side. I winced, both from the tumble and the volume as she showed her face a freaking centimeter from mine and shouted: “WHAT THE BUCK DID YOU DO TO MY SKY YOU FUR-LESS FREAK?”

I blinked and looked behind her. I even extended my new bolted on magic senses and tried to feel out the local winds via the magic in them. They were a bit turbulent from my rather messy entrance, but nothing worse than your average summer’s day.

She shoved her head in front of mine again. Her, of all colors, amethyst eyes were these furious and slightly bloodshot slits. “Don't you dare ignore me!”

For a moment I was tempted to just stare her down, to check if I had another trick Dresden has.

The soul gaze.

Basically, the thing works like this: A wizard is a person that sees further than others, and uses that to gain knowledge and thus power. For good or ill, but in the end it is an extension of who and what they are. The thing is, that that kind of world shattering knowledge leaves more than a few marks, one of which is the soul gaze. When a wizard looks into the eyes of another being with a soul, they catch a glimpse of who that person really is. All masks, all lies, all pleasant little half truths… Gone like gossamer that has drifted in front of a blowtorch.

And as the cliche Nietzsche quote goes, the abyss will quite happily stare back at you. They see you in just as much detail as you see them.

And that kind of capital T Truth never leaves you. It never even fades. Do it with enough beings above a certain magnitude and your sanity snaps like a twig that tried to pull a Atlas impression. It doesn't even have to be beings foul and wretched. Narcissus wasted away just as well in front of his pond as any prisoner bound in irons and left to their fate after all.

Now, I didn't know or care who this rude bastard was… but I could feel power rise off her like a thermal on the hottest of summer days. Mostly two cold and turbulent, but at the same time invigorating and trans-mutative types of magic I thought might be water and air, but more than a few other shades mixed in. It didn't seem as she used any of them directly or she’d never had needed to do something so crude as literally tackle me, but the nag was a powerhouse I’d rather not trifle with.

I pulled my arm free and gently moved her snout to the side with a finger. “Lady, you don’t want to stare too deeply into my eyes. Just a tip.”

She slammed a hoof down next to my head in a manner I was certain was meant to intimidate, but I honestly had to fight back a snort. Not only did she hesitate in a way that all but told me that she was pulling her punches, but she was a cute, cuddly pony pegasus that barely reached me to the groin with my new height. “Answer me! What did you do?!” she shouted in my ear again.

How can any mortal resist such a line? I put my left hand under her tummy and said: “This.” Then just as this adorable look of horror flashed across her face I grabbed at the magic and shouted my spell. “Vento servitas!”

Wind magic is rather versatile, and one of the few ones easy enough that you can use it relatively well even without a focus. Now, it isn't what I’d call combat grade stuff for most applications, but air just likes to move. It’s relatively simple to get it to do so, at least in a wide open area as this town square.

The wind I’d summoned shot my irritant of an assailant to the skies with an adorably girlish scream. Normally, I’d aimed to the side but since I was ‘fighting’ something with wings I decided to just do it the easy way.

However, it seemed she had either training or just raw talent, because she just flipped in the air like a ninja trained by freaking birds and dove straight back down at me.

With a snort I didn't even try to hold back I reached for my blasting rod with my left hand. The thing now turned into slender rod about the radius of my thumb was a much simpler focus then my staff, mostly intended for combat. Gusts of flame, bolts of lightning, globs of acid… Anything nasty you just want to conjure and throw into your opponent's face? A blasting rod is what you want for it if you want to still have flexibility. It was possible to make things that were simpler and more focused still, like my force rings or shield bracelet, but they really only aided in the casting of a few particular spells.

The runes in the wood lit with a pale light as I sent another spell her way with an almost contemptuous flick of my wrist. “Vento servitas!”

She saw the wind coming judging from the look of shock on her face, but she was going to fast to dodge out of the dive. I just laughed as she went into the sky again, trailing a stream of obscenities muffled by her speed.

It seemed I’d overdone it, because I had actually time to get up and dust myself off slightly before she came careening down again. This time however, her expression had gone from somewhat miffed to outright murderous. It frankly looked wrong on such a cute face.

Still, judging from how she was forming a fucking contrail I decided to not take any chances. I raised my left hand, the one you expel energy trough and opened my palm as much as possible without dropping my rod. I fed energy into my shield bracelet and a semi-see through dome of pure force sprang into existence over my head.

Now, I wasn't heartless. It seemed clear this girl taught me a threat and was just defending her town. In what might have been the dumbest way possible, but still. So, I’d made the shield into what was basically this cushion of semi solid air.

I couldn't help but smile a bit cruelly at her sudden look of panic, though. She didn't know that.

She started fighting to rise, but she was going to fast. I wasn't quite certain what she’d planned initially, but breaking through a shield most certainly had not been it. She slowed herself down quite a bit, but she still hit the shield so hard the thing cracked rather than bounce her away. The dome faded as I stopped feeding it and the stunned mare landed near my feet.

Her look of dread, pain and shock mixed with just a bit of fear went straight back into livid fury as I bent down and petted her head. “A for effort, kid.”

She tried to struggle to her hooves and no doubt launch herself at me again, but I took that as a sign and opportunity to kick her quite hard in the side. She let out a quick shout from the pain, but I don’t think I caused any permanent damage. With my work-boots on it apparently hurt enough that she took the hint and stayed down. Her eyes still flashed with anger, but the trembling pegasus just laid there and glared up at me.

“...That wasn't very nice.”

The silk soft feminine voice surprised me, and made me turn. That was all the opportunity the prismatic pony prick needed to jump me again.

It was frankly a rather pitiful assault. She’d just spent too much energy on all that flying, and that crash had done her no favors. It was rather alike to being assaulted by a furious five year old. Sure, something is hitting you again and again with great energy and passion… but there isn't exactly much damage being done. Without my duster I’d have felt the bruises tomorrow, but since I was wearing it the assault was just pathetic.

She let out a primal scream of frustration and doubled her efforts as I crossed my arms and just let her flail at me for a bit.

“You done, kid?”I asked kindly as she finally sank down panting and sobbing. This just made her let out another battle cry and ‘charge’ me again.

I ignored her, and instead turned to look at the source of the voice from earlier. I swear, I almost dropped dead from pure ‘daw~w!’ at what I saw. This butter yellow pegasus with a long pink mane she was half hiding behind. I swear, if the Americans ever get gung-ho enough that they try to weaponize cuteness, that mare would still surpass the end result.

I gave her a tiny wave that made her eek. I bit back an urge to clutch my chest and fall backwards and instead pointed a finger down at what I assumed to be a friend of hers. “Slightest chance you can get this girl to back off?”

This induced a shout of “Don’t you ignore me!” from the mare.

Frankly, it made me snap. I’d fallen from the fucking sky, been assaulted and this was how I was getting treated?! I lifted my blasting rod and carefully aimed at a spot far enough that nobody would be hurt. With a growled “Pyrofuego!” a lance of blue-white flame shot out and turned that bit of the road to slag.

Aside from the tinks and other sounds of cooling rock, you could have heard a pin drop on the other end of the village. I glared down at the now trembling pegasus and gave her my best death glare. “Begone. Or I will stop ignoring you, you winged waste of talent.”

The prismatic pegasus prick, or PPP for short, just froze and somehow paled through her fur. Like she’d seen a mouse eat a cat, or something. I just snorted and stomped off to get my staff.

I sighed as a shout of “Stop! How dare you!” came from behind me.

I tucked my rod away and lifted my hand. With another application of “Vento servitas.” the two meter tall staff flew straight into my waiting palm. I turned and did my best to meet the yellow pegasus's glare with my own without looking her in the eyes. “Look Ma’am, your friend jumped me for the dreadful crime of falling through 'her' sky.”

The mare stomped nearer to me, positioning herself in such a way that she covered my line of sight to her exhausted friend. “And that gives you the right to toy with her like that? To destroy the road like that?!”

I tilted my head and thought it over. To her rather obvious chagrin and irritation. “Not really, but I’d argue it was a better and less nasty demonstration then on her, while still having more impact than if I’d fired a blast into the sky.” Both mares spluttered and paled a bit, as if me using such a spell on another person was utterly beyond the pale for them. A bit naive, but I took it as a good sign. Perhaps, just perhaps I’d just gotten unlucky and the rest of this place was if not civilized, then at least more pleasant than this damn town. I nodded towards one of the nearby thatched roofs. “That, and would you have liked if that blast had gone off course? A few cut stones are easier to replace than a house.”

I pointed my staff at the PPP, making them both flinch. “Fine, I handled it poorly… but if I’m in the wrong, so’s freaking she.”

A crack sounded from behind me, accompanied by a purple flash of light. This almost overbearing presence of magic I’d previously mistaken for the freaking magic of this world just appeared behind me. “Step away from my friends.”

I resisted an urge to swallow nervously. The voice had been rather pleasant… but with this tone of near royal commend that broke no disagreement.

With exaggerated slowness and my staff lowered to the ground, I turned and looked at the new arrival. Her appearance surprised me a bit. Not only was she a bit taller than everybody else I’d seen so far, but she had horns and wings.

She was also… very, very purple. It was kinda like looking at a pony shaped plum. We just took a moment to get shocked at each other’s appearance for a few moments, but all too soon she was all business. With narrowed eyes and this nimbus of gathered but yet used power, she started talking. “Who are you? Why have you come here, and why are you threatening my friends?”

I took how the last bit was near snarled as a bad sign. This mare was personally invested in this. Every instinct in me told me to raise my hands in a gesture of peace, but I kept them low. I wasn't certain if the gesture would be seen as such by the locals and I wanted to at least try to be diplomatic.

“Well, it was such a darling day for a walk. One thing lead to another, and here I am.”

I swear I heard crickets chirp from nowhere at my quip. The purple one let out a hot snort that misted in the air, but I held up a hand with my fingers spread before she could start shouting at me. “Fine. Seriously, then.” I jerked my head back a bit towards where the yellow mare was helping the PPP get to her hooves. “A gift from a new friend of mine turned out to have a few rather nasty side effects...” I jingled the amulet for her to see. For some reason, her eyes widened at seeing it. “...but unless involuntary dimensional travel, falling from the sky and using a wind spell to make sure you don’t splat is a crime in these parts I frankly think I've been acting quite civilized for somebody that got jumped by a violent bastard.”

I more felt then saw the PPP bristle, but she remained silent this time.

Her Purpleness seemed to find my words extremely intriguing though, almost to the point where that drove away the anger… but not quite judging from her slicked back ears and slightly flared wings. “You lie. Humans don’t have magic.”

I raised an eyebrow at that. Now that was interesting info. “One, wrong even if it is freakishly rare. Two, that’s rather arrogant of you since I just admitted to not being from this realm. And three, there are humans in this place?”

She twitched slightly. “That’s classified.”

I and the others got distracted by ludicrously wide smiling mint green mare falling out from behind the corner of a building a few hundred meters away. “I knew it! I knew it!”, she screamed at the top of her lungs, only to be muffled by a beige pony mare with caramels on her ass and be dragged out of sight to ‘safety.’

I turned back towards her Purpleness, folding my arms just to utterly signal how little a crap I gave about all of this. “Look. Your friend with the clown wig jumped me. I used minimal force and intimidation to get her to back off.”

With another scream of rage from the PPP and a sigh from me, the twit pounced me again. In response I swiveled around and drove a boot straight into her teats hard. She crumbled to the ground like the career of an honest politician, clutching between her legs and crying.

Honestly, it was like fighting children that had seen too much bad television. It was as if they expected me to just stand there and take their punches until ‘goodness’ prevailed. Or perhaps they didn’t expect a magic user to actually get their hands and feet dirty? Anyway, it was a rather bad effort on their part.

The yellow one I couldn't quite figure out a nickname for gasped and darted glaring at me to her friend's side.

I just turned to her Purpleness as if nothing had happened. “I believe that proves my case?”

Her Purpleness scraped her jaw off the ground… and turned into a freaking rapidash. Her mane turned to roaring flames, her fur so hot it turned white and eyes that looked like fucking fire pits. “Nopony hurts my friends!”

She lowered her horn and let go of this purple glowing burst of raw magic, aimed straight at me.

I got my arm and a shield up just in time to counter, but the impact drove me back almost half a meter. Jesus, what the hell did they feed their kids around here? “Ma’am! Please! There’s no r-”

With another scream and flaring of her wings, the mare shot another blast at me.

I was getting annoyed again. I decided to send a message by countering instead of blocking.

A wizards staff is not the strongest tool in a wizard's arsenal, but it is the most flexible. Since the biggest threat a wizard may pose is how they can do nearly anything if given enough time and preparations, that flexibility gives the tool a potency all on its own, however. They are superficially like a blasting rod, but a blasting rod conjures energies, while a staff uses magic to manipulate them.

Normally when counter-spelling, you need an actual way to actually negate things. A quenching of flames so that they won't burn, a melting of ice so that it won’t freeze or pierce… but just raw magic like that? Even with how raw my new skills felt, I could still swat those away from me until the cows comes home.

Of course, just doing that was still draining and I had a sneaking suspicion that this mare was considered rather badass from how all the locals had visibly calmed at her arrival. One of the cheekiest ones of them, a very pink pony mare with balloons of all things as her mark, was even sitting in a deckchair and eating popcorn.

A more interesting and less draining alternative was however, redirection. So I grabbed my staff like a baseball bat with both hands and swung, sending the ball of purple death straight back at the prick.

Technically I could have just raised my staff and willed it, but what was the fun in that?

Her jaw fell again and it apparently shocked her enough that the flame effect went away, but she teleported away of all things before she could be hit by her own spell. The spell itself had apparently a maximum range, because it harmlessly fizzled out after about a hundred meters or so.

Her Purpleness reappeared on a nearby roof, wide eyed and raving. “That isn't possible! How did you do that?!”

“Magic,” I deadpanned. I waved my staff at her with a cheeky smile. “It’s almost as if I’m a wizard or something!” I paused as her eye began twitching and a few strands of hair sprang out from her mane in a rather comedic fashion. “Say, that teleport was rather nifty. Slightest chance we can stop this madness and actually talk things over like adults?”

In response she just spread her wings and dove straight down at me. Horn pointed straight at my chest.

“No!” The PPP shouted. “Twi, quick! Get out of the air!”

It was too late, however. I’d already raised my staff, gathered the energy and… “Veni che!”

The wind based levitation caught her, holding her in place just about five meters up and away. It didn't last long before she dispelled it with a quick burst of light from her horn, but she looked a bit green at having been tumbled around in the air like that.

“You do realize that I’m holding back, right?” I let out a huge yawn without covering my mouth. “You're decent, I’ll grant you that… but you have the killer instinct of a drunk housefly. Can we please solve this diplomatically?”

She stumbled slightly as she landed, but she just pointed her horn at me again. “Then yield, and we’ll solve this legally.”

I just shook my head at that. “A court. In the land where I got jumped by somebody for falling from the sky? I don’t think that trial would be very fair.” I pointed a finger at the scowling mare. “Counteroffer. We stop this farce and actually talk like adults.”

She lowered her head, glaring at me. “I don’t know where you got that thing… but I recognize a copy of the alicorn amulet when I see it. Take it off, back off, and nopony gets hurt.”

A small mocking burst of light came from my chest. I thumped the amulet with a fist. “Be quiet. You've done enough for a day.” I got what could be best described as a low glower in response, if I’m allowed the pun. Still, no more light after that.

The small exchange seemed to utterly shock this ‘Twi’ character, however. “It’s self aware!?”

I just gave a shrug, trying not to sound positively caustic as I deadpanned. “I don’t rightly know. I've been too busy falling through time and space, only to be jumped for falling through the sky to sit down and have a chat with him.”

I got an angry red flare for that.

“Oh, sorry. Her.”

The amulet blinked red once, seemingly satisfied with my response.

Twi still seemed shocked, but she just squared her shoulders and glowered at me. “Look, Mr…?”

A sneaking suspicion flittered through me. A magic user, asking my name? Like that would lead anywhere well. Still, I kinda had something of an alias to default to. “Harry Dresden.”

“Harry,” she said in a surprisingly kind voice, before pointing a hoof at my amulet. “If that thing is what I think it is, then it is a magic booster that drives the user insane. Please, take it off and we can talk about this.”

I blinked at that. I held the amulet up to eye-height and glared at it suspiciously. “Anything to add to that?”

One blink. Then the cheeky bit of bling just fell silent.

I felt my eyebrow twitch involuntarily. “And that would be…?”

I got two blinks this time.

With a sigh, I tugged the thing over my head and placed it in one of my inner pockets. I get an angry little flash of red, but nothing else. I shot Twi a level look. “Better?”

She held out a hoof. “Give it here.”

“Not on your life,” I pointed my staff over my shoulder, roughly at the point of the sky I’d fallen through. “That thing brought me here. It’s my best bet for getting home.” I couldn't quite keep a snarl off my face as my eyes drifted to the PPP who’d pulled herself to her hooves again. “And I refuse to bow and scrape no matter who you think you are because I had to defend myself against a violent bastard.”

The PPP growled and started stalking towards me again, but her yellow friends proved to actually have a brain by grabbing her and holding her back. The rainbow maned twit struggled a bit, but she was too spent to get loose from her friends grip.

I flexed the fingers with the force rings on. I didn't like it, but a darker part of me realized I’d been able to solve this with two freaking spells by now. One for each idiot. I wasn't certain if my new magic followed the rules about corruption from dark deeds that the Dresden files have, or if I was just using mental shorthand for local stuff shoved into my mind from the amulet... but I’d rather not risk it either way. I doubted I’d even be able to do any of the more exotic things on the ‘absolutely never do this’ list anytime soon, but killing? That was within my power. Not that I considered myself a violent man, but this whole situation was fraying my nerves to the breaking point.

Heck, for all I knew the local stuff might have even more stringent ‘rules’ than the Dresden stuff. I was flying almost completely blind on a freaking magic carpet and this warm welcome wasn't helping matters.

I came to a conclusion.

Fuck it.

I gave the group the finger. They obviously wouldn't recognize the gesture, but I was hoping the intent would be clear from my body language. “I did not come here to cause trouble. I do not want any trouble. But frankly? This mess? It’s one of the least pleasant experiences I've had, so I'm turning and walking away. Stop me, and I’ll see that as a sign that there is nothing of value in those skulls of yours and get serious.” I lowered my arm and gave them all my darkest glare. “Please do not force my hand.”

Before the stunned bastards, and their admittedly much more level headed yellow friend, could do anything I’d swept around and started stalking off. I honestly didn't have a destination except away. This whole thing disgusted me. I just couldn't’ help but wonder… On the whole it was a clear upgrade, even If I’d liked more say in it… but I had been quite clearly warped. Would these pricks have jumped me... had I ended up of the quadruped persuasion? I had a rather dark suspicion that the answer was in the negative.

I’d half expected a spell to come whistling. I had not expected this purple tinkling aura to just form around my feet and lift me clear of the ground by my ankles. I bit back a expletive and growled at the now upside down mares. “You have to the count of five.”

A rather insistent tug on my staff happened as another aura formed. I just tugged back. I held up four fingers on my free hand.

“Please, give me the amulet. Let us help.” The condescending purple bastard even sounded as if she meant it. Right. And I was certain a ‘magic boost’ wasn't of the slightest interest to who was clearly the town practitioner or similar. Three fingers.

Another much harder pair of tugs actually relieved me of both my staff and blasting rod. They both floated over to Twi’s side. “Just fascinating…” She murmured, seemingly actually mesmerized by them. Two fingers.

“...Um, Twi?” The butter yellow one quickly said as she saw the look on my face. “I don’t think he’s giving up.” I flashed her a wide predatory grin that made her flinch slightly… then I held up one finger. Guess which one.

The PPP snorted. “Please, we took both his artificial horns. What is he gonna do?”

I clenched my fist. “Zero. Last fucking warning.”

Twi barely looked up from my stuff. “Sure. You do whatever you're about to do. I’m sure it will be impressive.”

The utter nonchalance just stunned me for a moment. “Seriously? Alien creature with unknown capabilities and gear, and your response is that?”

Twi rolled her eyes, making my pulse quicken. “It’s clear you need these for any serious magic. It’s a bit hard to be threatened by somepony that’s been the next best thing to dehorned.”

I shrugged and pulled my hand back. “Your funeral.”

Now, if you see the staff as a magical crowbar. It’s a potent tool and if you ‘swing it around’ you can do quite a bit of damage... but at the end of the day it is simply a flexible tool. By the same tool metaphor, the blasting rod is a combat-knife. Sure, it may be used for less bloody purposes, but it is clearly meant to be a weapon. In this context, force rings are basically magic knuckle dusters. They have one job, and that is to let you hurt whatever you swing them at.

I swung mine straight at the purple bastard’s shocked face and triggered every damn ring I had. “Assantius!”

The beam of invisible force was so intense it caused a slight lensing effect in the air as it rushed towards the mare. I had thought the rings would be next to empty since they were in a sense new, but apparently not. She dropped me and tried to put a shield up, but she simply wasn't fast enough. I half expected her head to be torn clean off, but it just snapped back, dragging all the rest of her through the air as if fired from a cannon. She hit what looked like the front door of a tree of all things with a loud crash. She hung there for a moment and then flopped bonelessly to the ground.

It sounded as if the entire town stopped breathing. The pink mare from earlier even choked on her popcorn.

I landed in a heap, but was soon on my feet. I worried a bit for my gun, but didn't have time to check. Instead I raised my hand and called my rod and staff to me with a quick and dirty burst of wind I didn't even bother with the incantation for.

That’s when the screaming and panic started. I had had enough, so I drew in the slow and heavy magic I was fairly certain was earth into an improved spell and slammed the tip of my staff down. The following boom shook the entire square. “Silence!”

I didn't wait for them to comply, I just started walking up to the still mare.

A sudden burst of magic and a strangely angry shout of “Knock, knock!” made me turn around.

Only to see the pink mare from earlier, but with her mane straight instead of looking like a pink rat’s nest for some reason. "Surprise!" she snarled at me in a strangely bubbly way.

And she was aiming a freaking canon straight at me. I didn't quite know how to react to that, but I got this strangest urge to say ‘Surprise, who?’ but I fought it down with a bit of willpower. For some reason the mare’s eyes widened in surprise at that. What the fuck? Who uses joke based magic?

I narrowed my own eyes at the now slightly trembling mare. “Same deal as before. Five.”

She fired the cannon. The payload of freaking streamers and confetti bounced of my duster.

I took a slow breath and mentally started counting backwards from ten. It really was like fighting children. Specist children with superpowers they seemed to threat as a freaking joke. The concept frankly pissed me off almost as much as how they’d so far been treating me had. “Four.”

The mare just looked in confusion between her canon and me. Then she fired it again, somehow without actually reloading it. I replaced my rod in it’s pocket, calmly wiped most of the custard off with the back of my hand, pulled out my handgun and calmly aimed it at her head. “This is what we consider portable weaponry we’re I am from. Hint, it does not fire custard.” I flicked the safety off and pulled the hammer back. The mare in turn froze in place, her ‘weapon’ falling from her hooves and gently rolling away. “Three, by the way.”

Luckily, this one took the fucking hint. She rushed off to the other group with tears streaming behind her, all but confirming the allegiance I’d previously only suspected. They huddled together, looking lost and pitiful.

I slowly walked up to what seemed to be their leader. Amazingly, she was still alive and even starting to stir.

Judging from the blood dripping down her wings from where bones had pierced skin, and how her horn had a large crack in it I didn't anticipate much resistance, however. She tried to get up and glare at me, but one of her forelegs had popped out of its socket, making her scream and fall down back to the ground when she tried to put weight on it.

I honestly felt… detached. This small part of me was screaming in horror at all this, but the rest just felt cold. Like I’d been in combat like this a thousand times, and it wouldn't be a problem until I could safely fall apart afterwards.

I lowered the hammer on the pistol and reapplied the safety, something I hadn't known how to do yesterday, before putting it back in its holster.

Then I walked up to, and glared down at her. “Angering a wizard is quite unhealthy, child.”

The purple mare tried to light her horn, but with a small bit back scream the tiny glow just flickered and died.

I raised my hands in front of me, making the whole place suck in a breath. The mare just lowered her head and closed her eyes, tears streaming out anyway.

Then I gave a slow clap. “A for effort, though.” Her eyes shot up and the tears stopped. She just looked confused… and a little pissed. “You might actually make a decent mage one day. Just drop that prismatic moron and get a friend with more than two brain cells instead. She’s not only unhealthy for you, but this entire town.”

I didn't wait to see what emotion the conflicted mare would actually settle on, instead I turned and walked away.

Now what?

I stopped and extended a single finger towards a random mare; One of the morons from earlier that had wipped the whole town into a panic. She had a blond mane with a lily stuck in it, a raspberry coat and trembling amber eyes. “You.”

At that simple word, her eyes gently rolled back in her head and she just fell to the ground like a toy somebody had knocked over.

I blinked, before just deciding to roll with it. I picked another mare. This one had a mane two different shades of pink, green eyes, a dark purple pelt and three smiling flowers on her ass. “You, then.”

Her companion, a red stallion wearing a bridle of all things and large enough to actually reach to my waist took a deliberate step in between us. I folded my hands over my chest and waited for it.

We ended up starting each other down for nearly five minutes before I broke the silence. “...Well?”

He just raised an eyebrow at me.

“Isn't this the part where you try to hit me first, while still somehow acting as if you're the moral victor in the whole resulting mess?”

The stallions eyes flickered over towards the quite literal tree house. "...Nope."

I looked over at Twi, now surrounded by her friends who were all staring at me and the strange exchange. The yellow one was the only one preoccupied as she was administering first-aid. Good. One less headache.

I looked back at the stallion, who thankfully hadn't tried anything. I decided to risk it and just held up my hands in a gesture of surrender. “Look, I just want to know the way to the capitol, or any other major settlement. Hopefully it won’t be this damn specist.”

His eyes narrowed at my last word and he pawed a bit at the ground.

I just folded my arms over my chest and snorted at him. “Look me in the freaking eye and tell me this mess would have happened if I looked like a local.”

A flicker of uncertainty danced over his face, making me smirk despite it all. He snorted at me. “You have a very irritating smile, Mr.”

That just made me smile a bit wider.

Wordlessly, the red stallion pointed a hoof at a mountain in the distance. I could just barely see something gleam halfway up it at this distance. “Canterlot. Can’t miss it.”

I blinked and cleared out my ear. “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

This seemed to irritate him almost as the ‘specist’ comment. “I believe you heard me, Mr.”

I tapped my staff against my chin, looking at the place while keeping him in my peripheral  “Interesting parallel. In my world, Camelot was the castle of the legendary King Arthur. Something of a symbol of strength and purity.”

Something flickered over near every face within earshot. Strange. “...Was?” The mare behind Mr. Red asked, seemingly mostly thinking out-loud.

“Don’t remember the details on the legend of Arthur, but his illegitimate son turned into some type of dark knight,” I answered half automatically as I planned how to get to that city without causing mass panic. “They ended up dying on each other’s blades. Quite the tragic tale, really.”

Again, that strange almost collective flicker. I was obviously missing something, but I didn't have a clue what.

The mare, seemingly emboldened by not having her head off asked another monosyllable question. “...Why?”

I gave a shrug. “Something about a prophecy. A prophecy that Arthur ended up fulfilling just because he tried to stop it.” I made a grimace. “Basically, he had one moment of darkness and it damned him." My head drifted back to the group of mares who were rather obviously trying to look as they weren't listening. "Can’t say I care for stories like that.”

“...And that moment would be?” Mr. Red asked, clearly fascinated despite himself.

“It was prophesied that his own son would end him,” I made a cutting gesture across my throat. “Short version. Mordred the so called traitor’s main crime was that he as a child survived. A bit grim.”

Again that flicker, but this time mixed in with both disgust and horror. Honestly, it wasn't that grim a tale.

 “Anyway, a pleasure to have a civilized conversation. I was beginning to doubt this realm held intelligent life, to be blunt.” I intentionally turned away from them and gave a small wave. “I better leave before the local champions or something knowing my luck shows, and this nasty dance starts again. Ta.”

I didn't get any reply as I sauntered off, my shoes and staff clicking on the stone. Hadn't expected one, but it was still a bit rude.

As I walked and the locals shirked out of my path, I thought things over a bit. I’d been a rather disgusted with what I’d almost ended up needing to do, but all in all? Not a bad result. I’d prefer to not have had gone through any of that crap, but a slight reputation that the spindly biped doesn't take any crap might be quite healthy until I figure out how to get home. I doubted the word of three morons would mean much outside this tiny village, even if they got backed up by their only friend with a brain. In combination with the entire town having seen that battle and how I’d given them such ample chances to back off..., Even if most of them seemed to be a bunch of panicky morons, I should be safe.

A tinkling of silver against silver reminded me. I needed to have a long ‘chat’ with a certain piece of bling, but that could wait until I made camp.

I groaned a bit as I hit the edge of the town and saw just how far I had. It looked like several days by foot.

With a shrug and whistling a merry tune, I headed out towards this ‘Canterlot’ place. Silly name, but I felt fairly certain I’d get a warmer reception in that town.

Chapter 3 - Heresy!

I’d found this rather comfy half-hollow in a sandy hill near a brook to set up camp in. Not very surprisingly given who I now resembled, fire hadn't been much trouble and I had this cozy little log fire going.

I chuckled a bit to myself at that. Lumber-jacking was actually rather fun when you could just point your staff at something and shout a spell. The small pile of birch saplings nearby I’d knocked down were probably serious overkill for one night, but I didn't have a clue about the wildlife around here. Given that the local populace was seemingly made up from freaking mythological creatures I’d decided to not risk running out of fuel.

Fire is actually a rather interesting thing, elementally and magically speaking. It consumes and devours… but it also changes and strengthens. Makes sense if you just think about it. Even a completely mundane fire can both burn and warm you after all, sometimes even both at the same time. Like many things in both magic and knowledge, it all depended on how one wielded it.

I taped my feet in the air, one leg crocked over the other as I just laid there on the ground near the fire. It was rather meditative. The cracks of the flames, the bubbling of the brook, the rain against my shield…

Oh yeah, rain against my shield. Quite the puzzle. The drops just splattered against the now rather smoke filled half-dome I’d made mostly as an experiment. It served beautifully as a roof of a sort, but it shouldn't have.

Water is another greedy element, but in a different way to fire. Go pour a bottle of the finest wine into the ocean. You might have made a passing fish quite dead and or happy while pissing of any wine lovers nearby… but the ocean doesn't care. It still thirst and hungers. One of the ways this showed was in how flowing water was supposed to treat magic. You know all those old tales about nasty things just stopping at a river? Basically, the water is just supposed to greedily dig into their essence and pull it away. For anything more magic than flesh, running water is supposedly the next best thing to a shower in acid dipped razor-blades.

I let out a thoughtful hum and stared at my shield as I scratched at my stubble. So why was my shield doing the impossible? Even magic has rules, and this broke a rather mayor one to my rather limited knowledge. It had gotten a bit more power-hungry during this downpour, but it should have popped like a balloon in an exploding needle factory.

It was a rather interesting conundrum, and I frankly thought it quite relaxing to just lay here and try to puzzle it out after the darn day I’d had. I wasn't exactly making much headway since I basically had a few spells showed into my head and my recollection of a fictional magic system to work with, but it beat laying there and thinking on how screwed I currently was.

What can I say? I’m not one for angst. I’d of course do my utmost to get home and if not reclaim my own face, then at least make this one my own… but considering I’d been in a wizards duel just hours past I frankly considered most of this the price of admission.

Magic, right? Who hasn't dreamed? I most certainly had. It was one of the things that had pulled me in about the Dresden series actually. Dude has awesome phenomenal cosmic powers in a setting where everybody ‘knows’ magic doesn't exist… and his response to that is opening a small office with the word ‘wizard’ printed on the bloody door? No trying to topple all worldly governments, no trying alchemy to just breeze by in life… Just one dude that’s basically a PI, just with scrying and fireballs instead of notepads and revolvers.

I couldn't quite stop a grin as I felt the pistol in my pocket. Of course, one should always move with the times…

I got a bit serious as I raised my hand with the shield bracelet on and feed a bit more magic into the construct. I lowered my left hand again. It was a bit embarrassing, but after a bit of experimentation I’d realized I’d been using that focus almost completely the wrong way. It seemed I’d remembered wrong on which hand did what. Technically, it was mostly an efficiency thing. I’d done the magical equivalent of sucking instead of blowing if I’m allowed to be a bit crude... but that type of slip-up might have still cost me my life if that fight from earlier hadn't been so half-assed. All it would have taken was something a bit more foul then a pissed pegasus or raw but pure magic meeting my shield and it might have utterly fucked up my system.

I let out an unhappy grunt and shifted slightly on the ground. To give the devil his dues, it seemed quite clear they had been mostly holding back just as much as I had. I’d just gotten in the best sucker punch once things actually escalated enough. A pity the PPP was such an utter hot-headed fool, because the other girls had seemed quite alright. Granted, I couldn't help but get a ‘Sarah, age six’s favorite toys’ vibe off ‘em thanks to how gosh darn cute they all were and those colors, but that was hardly their fault.

I fought down a sad sigh. Still, I believe that particular bridge can be considered burned and the ground it stood on thoroughly salted. No sense to dwell.

A burst of light from my pocket with an almost sulking quality to it reminded me. I just looked sternly towards my pocket. “I’ll admit, I don’t think you're evil incarnate. If you were, you’d done something nastier.” I jabbed a finger hard at my pocket and the amulet inside. “But dragging me across time and space like that, and warping my body like this without my permission? Consider this a serious timeout, young Lady. You’ll be taken out tomorrow.”

I got a series of flashes I’m fairly certain was ‘cray-cray magic amulet speak’ for a string of obscenities that would have made me blush if I understood them, but after that she grew still. I swear I felt an evil ‘glare’ from my own pocket, though. I just ignored it.

Instead I checked my dinner. I didn't exactly have any idea how long I’d actually spent drifting in that void but that ‘fight’ had left me feeling ravenous. I wasn't a great outdoors-man or anything, but hey, magic. It was a rather egregious bit of loophole abuse since I was still worried about the no killing with magic thing, but snagging jumping fishes with burst of wind had proven child’s play. Using my sword to gut and clean them had been a bit awkward, but it had worked and now I had this row of nearly a dozen skewered fishes turning gently golden brown near my fire. I didn't have any seasoning, but the sight and smell still made my mouth water.

A small rustle made me look up. Apparently I wasn't the only one that thought it smelled nice. It was a bit obscured by the quickly fading light and the rain, but I could just see this white chicken of all things staring at me. It had the oddest intensely red eyes and seemed to be giving me a death glare of all things, but it seemed a normal enough bird.

Who am I to question providence?

“Hey, ugly?” I said in a pleasant conversational tone that would only fool an animal while pulling out my pistol. I undid the safety and aimed it at her. “If you’re not sapient, say ‘cluck.’”

I took how it let out an angry gobble and intensified its glare as invitation for tomorrow’s dinner and blew its head off. With a bang much louder than on television the chicken’s head turned into a red mist, while the body fell spasming down into the bush.

I got the oddest sense of mental disconnect at the act. Again, like I’d done something for a thousand time before, but still for the first time.

With a shrug I fished out a .45 ACP bullet out of my pockets and started the rather tedious act of topping off the clip. Nowhere near as fast as in the games, I’ll say that much. Luckily given the theme of my costumes I had enough ammo to fight a small platoon… but I only had that one clip. It didn't matter for the Winchester since it had an internal magazine you feed from outside when you need to reload, but the staying power of my pistol in a serious fight was currently rather limited. Since I doubted the locals had guns at quite this tech-level given the magical streamer cannon from earlier I simply didn't see much chance in fixing that so I was trying to use the less practical ammo first.

With a grunt of irritation I placed the gun back after I was done. In fact, I didn't have a lot of things for these guns since they’d been only props only days ago. To my pleasant surprise I’d actually found a small cleaning kit in the holster for the Winchester, but no such luck for the pistol. It was probably only a matter of time before the handgun stopped working on me, no matter how careful I was.

I pulled out my strangely still normal and functioning cell-phone. It wouldn't for much longer one way or the other since its battery was dying… but after all the magic I’d been both near and throwing around it should be bricked by now. Dresden style wizards and tech don’t mix, you see. They've got this aura of raw magic just pouring out of them that usually works as a quite potent techbane field.

Feeling a bit cheeky and wanting to thumb my nose at fate, I played a round of Angry Birds. Nothing happened. Didn't even manage a new high-score.

I tapped a finger at the side of the thing. I was a bit tempted to test out another spell from the series. Hexus. It was basically a weaponization of that same techbane aura. If it worked, or even if it didn't, it would tell me quite a bit about the local rules of magic. That, and it might be a very good counter in case I ran into any more things like that cannon but with actual ordinance in them. Testing that kind of stuff on the battlefield is never wise.

I placed my cell back into its pocket, switching it off to save battery. But on the other hand this was technically not only a computational device, but by local standards, an alien one. For all I knew it might be the fastest supercomputer on the planet. Heck, it might be the only computer period on this planet. The locals seemed a bit xenophobic, but hardly stupid. Blowing up what might be the biggest bargain chip on me for info I was reasonably certain I could find in a public library was rather shortsighted.

With a short glance at my fish to check that they weren't getting burnt, I grunted myself to my feet and got ready to stalk over to check my kill. The fish seemed done, so I took a moment to move their skewers further away from the fire before stomping over and digging around in the bush. It took a little looking, but I just stared at the scaly and feathered thing I actually found in the bushes. What the fuck?

Then it clicked. A chicken mixed with a snake. The offspring of a snake and a rooster.

A shiver raced down my spine. I’d been staring down a cockatrice without even noticing. Come to think about it, I had felt this strange prickling from its gaze. Had it really been trying to turn me to stone? I quickly flexed my joints and tried to feel for any lingering magic. To my relief, I found no stiffness and nothing but my own inner reserves. It seemed I’d dodged quite the bullet by firing my own.

I let out a sigh of relief. Still, it made me reevaluate the potential threat the local wildlife posed… and even if it was begrudgingly, my animosity towards the locals a little as well. It was rather bloody stupid of them not to have a town-wall if things like this roamed the countryside, but their stampeding at a strange thing just dropping down in their sanctum slash home suddenly made a bit more sense. It was still both rude and stupid off them to panic at the sight of the mighty wizard raising his hand and saying ‘Um, hi?’ but it made a little more sense to me, at least.

I snagged a leaf and gently dropped it into the spreading pool of cockatrice blood near where its head had been. I knew from watching too much Discovery channel that all snakes on my world at least are edible, and chicken was kind of a given… but I wasn't certain if I wanted to risk it with their mutant magic offspring. Nothing happened to the leaf, but I still decided to just chuck the thing deeper into the woods with a quick burst of wind. No sense in taking chances with something as nasty as petrifaction.

I was just about to head back to the warmth of my fire when a voice came drifting over the wind. “I tell you, Applejack. It came from this way.”

The voice didn't exactly scream ‘highwayman’ to me. In fact, if I didn't know better I’d say it was a rather high-class woman’s voice, speaking in a Mid-Atlantic accent of all things. Still, I sunk deeper into the shadows. My staff was still near the fire, and my sword cane and Winchester was hidden away in the hollow. The last two weren't that well hidden, but compared to the staff I’d just jabbed into the dirt a bit from the fire they might as well have been laying in the hands of Jimmy Hoffa.

Another woman’s voice answered the first speaking in, I kid you not, a freaking southern drawl. I honestly wasn't certain if I should be fascinated by the similarities on display, or face-palm at the implication that even the multiverse had seemingly a thing for plagiarism. “Yah really sure, Rarity? This wagon just ain't meant for this terrain. It’s s-“ Her no doubt colorful euphemism got cut off as she no doubt spotted my camp. “Well, Ah stand corrected. Good ears, Rares.”

I’d pegged the new arrivals as more ponies from how low a point their voices came from, but it didn't sound as if I had the legal kind of company. I moved a bit closer while sticking to the shadows. I wasn't certain just how well they could see, but given that they had eyes in a size that honestly made me wonder what more efficient alternative to grey-matter they’d evolved I was betting on ‘really well.’

I caught sight of two ponies with a small wagon of a sort. The wagon seemed mostly empty, but they were both wearing bulging saddlebags. I must admit I made a double take at that first, but on second thought I realized that without the ‘horses are animals’ connotation it must simply be the local version of backpacks.

The first, an almost alabaster unicorn with a fuchsia mane and tail carefully styled in almost a corkscrew pattern. She all but screamed high maintenance Lady. Even out here in the sticks, a bit wet and with mud up to her fetlocks she just had that special grace you only see in people that actually strive for it. I still didn't know what those emblems I swear I recognized from somewhere was about, but she had three gems as hers. They were just the right shade of blue that I couldn't tell if they were meant to be sapphires or diamonds, but I swear I saw one of them sparkle in the light of my fire. That made me really curious how they’d been made. Just how had somebody managed that on fur? I had a suspicion the answer was ‘magic,’ but still… That answer just didn't sound as dismissive to my ears as it had just a few days ago.

That’s about at the moment I realized I’d been staring at a unicorn’s butt for a bit longer than was probably healthy for my sanity. As intriguing a design as it was and how little the locals seemed to care for clothes, I couldn't help but feel I was close to ‘too much and you’ll go blind’ territory.

I shifted my gaze to her companion. This mare seemed almost the total opposite of her companion. Her coat was a rather pleasant shade of orange. A bit brighter than anything I’d considered natural before all this, but not unpleasantly so. Her mane and tail were a rather pretty and surprisingly mundane golden blond, the former tied into a braid that reached halfway down her back and crowned by a Stetson of all hats.

The Stetson wearer who I presumed to be Applejack needed to detach from the wagon, but Lady Rarity was already sniffing around my camp in a slightly disturbing literal fashion. It felt strange to see what pushed so many of my ‘a person’ buttons act in a manner that pushed a few of my ‘an animal’ ones. Still, I filed the info away in case I needed it. Being hounded by the next best thing to sapient bloodhounds seemed quite unpleasant.

Her nose wrinkled at the smell of gunpowder still lingering, but I swear I saw her eyes light up at seeing the fish. They are omnivores despite the equine appearance? I almost growled as she reached out for one of my fish, but she just held a hoof over it before turning to her companion. “Whoever’s here can’t have been gone long. The food is still warm.”

“No offence, Rarity...” Applejack pointed a hoof at my smoke filed shield with a humorous expression. “Yah might want to get an eye or horn exam.”

I fought back a snort and eye-roll. Cute.

Rarity leaned her head back and blinked at my shield. “Oh my. I can’t believe I missed that.”

Applejack snorted before walking up to her friend. Her nose wrinkled as she drew near. “What’s that smell? Smells like fireworks and… wet leather?” I saw the hairs on her neck rise, even at a distance. “Is that blood?”

Rarity took another sniff. “…Yeah. And not only fish, but I don’t recognize the type.”

Applejack fidgeted, clearly nervous. “Is this a gryphon hunting party camp?” She spoke the words to the whole area, scanning around but not noticing me in the gloom. Good eyesight, but poor night vision, perhaps? Might explain why they were so keen on finding an already set up camp. And gryphons as well, and sapient at how she addressed the place? Interesting… “If so, stop this darn ghost routine. It ain’t funny.”

I was just about to oblige since this drizzle was highly annoying, when Rarity’s eyes snapped to my staff. I slunk back into the shadows and decided to see what was about to happen. Her horn lit up, forming an aura around my focus. She let it go almost instantly, letting off a gasp and backing off as if her tail was on fire.

As I’d suspected, the Applejack girl had far more in the brains department than her accent suggested since she didn’t stop or ask anything, she just darted off with her friend. My, my… shrewd. Wonder how many she’s made to just completely underestimate her with the country-gal routine? Granted, for all I know that accent might be the local stereotype of well-read genius and her friend the one that sounds like a redneck, but still.

Rarity’s eyes didn't leave my staff until Applejack poked her hard in the side. “Alright, spill it,” Applejack nodded towards the focus. “Why’d yah dart of from that badly carved bit of driftwood?”

I felt a pang of irritation at hearing my sweat and tears called that. The staff might have been warped and upgraded a bit beyond the old hockey stick it had once been, but I’d still poured quite a bit of work into it Still, I fought the sneer down. I was learning way too much valuable information to let a jab of irritation and wounded pride stop me.

Rarity pointed a slightly trembling hoof at the staff. “It… feels like a horn. A live one.”

Applejack clearly balked at the statement. “Wha…? Yah can’t be serious. That bit of wood?”

Rarity seemed at a loss for words, she just nodded not even taking her eyes of my staff.

I scratched my chin and thought it over while the two mares stared at ‘that bit of driftwood.’ That was actually rather interesting info. I’d gathered that my things were rather fascinating by local standards, but these two mares stared as if they’d found a cold fusion reactor blueprint and prototype the size of a toaster at the local flea market. Had a nation were seemingly a third of the population were mages as I knew them failed to produce any alternative to their horns? Granted, a natural focus just growing out of your forehead sounded as it might a bit too good to bother looking for alternatives.

Applejack had gone back to scanning the tree line. “Rarity, that ain't the kind of stuff somepony just leaves behind. And it ain't something the average Joe would have, either. I think we should go.”

“Applejack!” Rarity snapped at her friend in a whisper. “If that is what I think it is… We can’t just leave something like that here!”

Applejack gave her friend a downright unfriendly level look. “So, what exactly are yah saying, Rarity?”

Rarity, to her credit, seemed quite mortified with her friend’s implication. “Not like that!” She pointed at my by now cooling dinner. “I say we wait. Politely ask where or how its owner got such a thing, and if he or she would care to part with it. Perhaps just letting Twilight study it, or something.”

I couldn't help it. I gave a slow clap. I didn't care if it made both mares jump out of their skins. It was just nice to see that there actually existed decent people on these shores. That they seemingly had at least a passing interest in pursuits more noble then ‘beat up the freak’ was just doubly pleasant.

Both mares got really tense, but they seemingly forced themselves to just stand there in a relaxed posture. Rarity’s poker-face was a bit better than Applejack's, but they were both flicking their tails in annoyance.

I stayed in the shadows, but I cleared my throat and raised my voice. “Sorry about the ‘ghost routine,’ but I've met a few nasty customers on these shores.” I hesitated as I wasn't certain if I wanted to go that ‘into character’ but I decided to roll with it. That Rarity girl at least seemed like the type to respond well to manners, and I could use every edge I could get. Besides, a good impression is always an asset. “I hope the small transgression in manners may be forgiven, Ladies? No ill intent, I swear. I was just away in the forest dealing with a small pest that had snuck up on me and decided to wait and see on seeing you in my camp. I hope it is understandable given the circumstances?”

Rarity’s eyes near lit like happy bonfires on being referred to as a Lady, but she frowned a bit at the part about ‘a pest.’

Applejack just snorted and narrowed her eyes, still scanning for but missing me every time it seemed. Did they really have that poor dark vision? That just might be a good non-lethal combat method. “Care to come out and say that? And just what do yah mean with ‘pest?’”

“Slightest chance the name ‘cockatrice’ means anything on these shores? One of the disturbing things snuck up on me.”

Judging from how both mares blinked it did. Rarity spoke first, in a carefully polite voice. “Forgive me… but a cockatrice, a small pest?”

“To be utterly honest I only saw its head and thought I’d gotten lucky thanks to a farmers ill fortunes…” I gave a shrug that Applejack actually zeroed in on. Interesting, so a bit easier for them to see movement in the dark? “Not that it would have really changed anything. I've got a rather simple policy on anything that tries to kill and eat me.”

Both mares nodded slowly. They didn't quite seem to like my answer, but not enough to disagree with the statement.

Applejack was frowning, her eyes locked on where she’d seen me move. It seemed she was calculating my height and not really liking the answer. “Yah a dragon, mister? Can’t say ah mind, but I’d like some warning.”

My, my… dragons as well? What an interesting realm I've ended up in. “No, Ma’am, but I've gotten the impression I’m rather exotic by local standards. Just a fair warning.”

Both mares tensed a bit at that. Rarity did that extra polite voice thing again. “…Well, I’m certain we’ll be able to handle it for a gentlecolt as yourself.”

I actually smiled at that. Applejack seemed to notice my teeth, but except keeping a close eye on me she made no comment. I took that as signal that it was time to go out and at least attempt a civilized meeting.

Their eyes widened quite a bit when I passed the tree line, but I kept the smile on and raised my right hand in greeting while keeping the other with the thumb tucked into one of my pockets. “Howdy, pleasure to meet you both.” I gave them both a nod. “Kinda overheard both your names, so to be even mine’s Harry Dresden. A pleasure”

Rarity just blinked and let out a low “Oh my.” seemingly a bit lost in how tall I was.

Applejack however, just narrowed her eyes at me.

I stopped and tilted my head. “...Was it the howdy? I was just trying to be informal. It wasn't a quip at the accent.”

Her expression softened a bit, but only a little. “Don’t care when somepony lies to me. Real name, Mr…?”

That made me blink. Still, I suppose the truth would do. “The place I learned my magic from capital N Names are considered a big deal. Sorry, but I’m a bit too nervous with the amount of magic users around here to give out that. If it makes any difference, Harry Dresden is the only fake name I use.” I couldn't quite keep a chuckle in. “Consider it something of a mask, if you want.”

Both mares blinked again at that; seemingly a bit shocked I’d just fessed up like that. Rarity spoke up first. “...What do you mean with ‘capital N Names?’”

I walked over to my fire and sat down before answering. “The local costumes with fire and food are…? Just wondering if I count as a host or not.” I pointed at my fish. “No seasoning, and honestly I don’t even know if you guys eat meat or not, but the polite thing for me is to ask.”

Applejack seemed to warm up quite a bit at that. “Well, ah’ll be… mighty kind of you, but w-”

Applejack let out an umph as Rarity shoved her hoof into her mouth, mud and all. The mare shot her friend a disgusted look before darting off to wash her mouth in the brook.

Rarity was just drooling, and her eyes hadn't left the fish. It was rather disturbing, actually. “What my friend meant to say is that of course we’d like to break bread with you, so to speak.” Ever seen a unicorn all but skip… because you're dangling the flesh of the aquatic equivalent of the innocent flesh of woodland creature in front of her? Well, it’s adorably disturbing.

And then she grinned wide enough that I saw canines. Rather pointy ones that gleamed. Eep.

I frankly just metaphorically dove out of the way and let her ravish my stores. I gave the now returned and morbidly fascinated Applejack a questioning look as the tiny bones started flying. “I take it she likes fish?”

Applejack sighed and trotted off to her wagon. “Please excuse her. Apparently unicorns need more fat an’ protein thanks to the whole magic thingamajig…”

“...But it’s… what, considered crude, or something?” I volunteered, not quite being able to take my eyes away from the piscine massacre going on.

“Bingo,” Applejack said as she came trotting back with a sack of apples over her back. “You’re an omnivore, right? Your teeth kinda looks like the ones on a minotaur, just minus the muzzle.”

That made me make a double take. “Minotaurs as well? Just how many intelligent species are there in this world?”

I realized I’d put my foot quite squarely in my mouth when both mares just froze. I raised my hands in an exaggerated gesture of peace. “Magic accident. I swear on my power I didn't come here to cause any trouble.”

I actually felt the damn vow slitter through my magic like a snake through mud. That bit hadn't been in any of the books. Since it had just been the truth of what I had done it faded within moments without doing anything, but it gave me a bit of perspective just what kind of forces I’d started playing at learning.

Rarity was looking at me with wide eyes, still hunched over her latest momentarily forgotten innocent victim. “...What was that?”

 I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair. “...That vow is kinda nasty for a wizard. I’m just not used to uttering it.”

Applejack was giving us both an oddly irritated lock. “Is this a un- wizard thing?”

Rarity was still just staring at me, her meal seemingly forgotten. “You entire aura rippled. Just what would that had done if you’d broken it?”

“Taken away a bit of my magic permanently,” I said plainly. Even Applejack paled a bit at that. “Rather a big deal, yes. I try to avoid it, but it seemed appropriate.”

The half devoured fish fell from Rarity’s unresisting hooves.

Applejack seemed rather uncomfortable, but she hid it by shrugging off the bag on her back. “...So, how are yah finding Equestria so far?”

My mind just went blank from pure da fuck. “I beg your pardon?”

She just gave me a level look. “Equestria. The country yah’re in?”

I opened my mouth… and then I closed it. Staring at the tiny sapient horse. “That… might be the worst pun I’ve ever heard.”

The orange mare let out a hot snort. “And just what do yah mean by that?”

I held up my hands in surrender again. “I swear this is true, OK?” The two looked a bit uncomfortable at the ‘s’ word, but gave me a nod each. “In my realm, the only equines are literally animals, you with me so far?”

“Why do I have the feeling this will be mildly disturbing?” Rarity plucked another of my fish and began gnawing.

I looked the two pony shaped creatures as close in their eyes as I dared. Two clearly highly intelligent women, despite their shapes, and who I was almost telling their country’s name was a pun for horse riding in my world. Let it never be said that Björn Jönsson is a completely stupid man. “Hey, how about a distraction. Either of you know if  cockatrices are edible?”

I’m not sure what disturbed Applejack more. My question, or Rarity’s answer coming without hesitation. “Everything except the eyes.” Then she started drooling again. “...Please? I haven’t had cockatrice since I was a little filly.”

I tried to ignore the sounds. A mare lightly dry heaving, and the other sucking up drool was just a bit too weird for my mind to process. Instead, I rose and walked away into the forest. “Back in hopefully a moment.”

Applejack squinted into the rapidly darkening forest. “Yah can really see in this?”

I paused. This was my first night in this realm. For all I knew, it might be a law built into its very fabric that you can’t see at night unless you have a light.

I shrugged. Wizard. We cheat. Of course I could make a light. I raised my right hand and started murmuring.“Ignus, ignus infusiarus.”

Slowly, to the two mares clear amazement, I had a fireball. This particular spell wasn’t suited for combat since it was simply to slow, but it did give me a handful of sunshine within my mental control. I made it simply float over my palm, far away that I felt the heat but it wouldn't burn me.

Yes, I was showing off. I’d like to see anybody in my position not at least do so a little. I turned and looked over my shoulder with a cheeky smile. “Better, Ladies?”

Rarity dropped the fish again. As annoying as it was to see that food wasted, I took it as a good sign and stalked off chuckling.

It didn't take me terribly long to find the carcass, even with the rapidly darkening gloom. Luckily, nothing seemed to have touched it. I was soon on my way again, stopping only near the hollow to retrieve my sword.

Applejack gave the sword cane a really long, weird look as I approached. “And that is…?”

I rattled the thing a bit. “Sword cane. A bit weird and much I know, but it’s the closest thing I've got to a knife at the moment.” I held up the chicken snake hybrid and gave it a shake as well for good measure. “Unless unicorns have a thing for raw meat and that would actually leave some fish for me?”

 Rarity shoot a sheepish grin my way, but she didn't take her eyes off my kill. Applejack seemed mostly disgusted with the whole idea.

It was then I realized something, staring at the mostly snake shaped thing. “I don’t actually have a clue how to clean this.”

Wordlessly, Rarity just extended a hoof. I let my ball of sunshine wink out and just held out both things in my hands.

The same type of aura that Twi character had caught me but light blue in formed around both the cockatrice and the blade. This strange frown creased Rarity’s eyebrows when she took the blade, but it just floated over to her.

She seemed intrigued if confused when she draw the blade, only to reveal runes. “And these do?”

“It’s another one of my foci,” I pointed at my staff, still standing its lonely vigil against the night. “Like ‘that bit of driftwood’ over there.”

Applejack let out a fake cough. “Foci?”

“You saw my little ball of sunshine?” I asked to the responses of nod, even if they seemed to find the name amusing. “That’s a rather simple spell. I can do something like it without a focus, but it’s a bit more draining.” I pointed a thumb over my shoulder towards my staff. “That’s my staff. It’s general purpose but a bi-” A soft glare from the two mares made me cut the swear off with a fake cough. “...Rather bothersome to carve and make.” I nodded to the blade. “That’s one a bit simpler, even if it requires metalworking tools. I don’t get much use for it since earth magic is a bit cumbersome and destructive for my tastes, but better to have and not need, right?”

Both mares just burst out laughing.

I folded my arms and gave a light glare at them. “Was it something I said…?”

Applejack even wiped a tear from her eye. “Earth magic? Destructive? Pull one of the other ones, pardner. It’s got bells on it.”

I extended my hand. “If you promise not to panic, I would not mind a demonstration.”

Rarity hesitated and looked towards Applejack, but when she only rolled her eyes I got handed the blade without any further hesitation. It seemed Rarity trusted Applejack's expertise in earth magic. Interesting.

I grabbed the blade with both hands, leaving its sheath on the ground. “I’ll only cast this once, OK? It’s rather draining, flashy and technically meant for combat, but it’s the best demonstration I can do out here in the sticks. Got it?”

Both mares hesitated slightly, before nodding at me. I took that as the best I’d get and turned away from them as I squared my shoulders. I raised the blade and drew power to it, getting momentarily distracted as I realized something. The runes had lit with an inner light, not flames. I had no idea what it meant, but it seemed another point towards the local magic being different.

I used the magic to reach down into the earth, feeling it. Just so I wouldn't collapse a caver or something. To my luck, no such thing. The hollow was the only thing like that for as far as I could sense.

Satisfied, I lowered the tip of the blade to a spot near the brook. With a strangely heavy sweeping motion and a shout of “Flammamurus!” I aimed the tip to the other end of the brook.

I fell panting to my knees as the spell finished. Damn, the books hadn't lied that earth doesn't like being moved.

I smiled, as the first spot I’d pointed at lit from within. Of course, once it has been made to move, it likes to continue doing so.

With a rather satisfying swoosh the freshly made magma broke through, propelled fast enough that it was a thin glowing line over the brook. It was a rather pretty sight in the gloom, actually. A few droplets here and there feel sizzling into the brook, but most of it reached the other end and started solidifying into an arc.

I gently replaced the blade into its sheath before rising and turning with my arms spread wide. “Ta-da!”

My smile and good mode just died as I saw the look on Applejack's face, though. Just utterly shocked. Like I’d drop kicked a baby in front of her.

Not really knowing what else to do, I offered the blade handle first to her. “...Perhaps you’d like to show me what the local variant is about?”

She just batted it away with a furious scowl. I kinda realized I might have underestimated pony strength when it landed fifteen meters away and got driven down to the hilt. “Is that what yah call earth magic were yah come from!?” She jabbed a hoof towards the still going magma arc. “Stop that darn thing now!”

I held my hands up in surrender. “Ma’am, I have stopped. That’s why ea- my style of earth magic is so draining. You need a lot of energy to get it going, but once you have momentum keeps it going for a decent while.” I took a few extra steps away from the scowling mare. “Nothing I can do at the moment short of pouring a lot of water on it.”

Applejack glared at the glowing and sizzling arc that was, to the luck of my ribs, already solidifying. She obviously didn't like it, but she gave a stiff nod. “Fine. That’s it? Setting the ground on fire?”

I let out an awkward cough. I’d expected for them to spook, not try to glare me to death like this. “Don’t know that much about earth magic, but stuff like gravity and magnetism as well.”

“And…?” she almost growled out, clearly expecting an answer.

I held my hands up in surrender again. “I did say it isn't my strong suit. I’m more of thaumaturgist and evoker.” I raked the new library inside my head. I didn't think admitting to being decent at necromancy would win me any favors, but… “I’m a decent alchemist as well, if I do say so myself, but that’s about it. Just haven’t had the time to expand my studies.”

Applejack snorted and switched her glare in Rarity’s direction. “Rare, throw an apple this way.”

Rarity didn't even look up from what once upon a glorious day had been my dinner. She just undid the knot on the bag with her magic and floated over a rather tasty looking specimen of Malus domestica Applejack's way.

In fact, the fruit looked so scrumptious that I got reminded just how ravenous I was. I took the opportunity while the rather industrious white carnivore that had ravaged my stores was busy cleaning the cockatrice by the brook to snag at least a fish. I sank down on the ground and held it up towards Applejack. “I hope you don’t mind?”

Applejack’s ear flicked once, but she just sighed. “Nah, can’t say ah care for it mahself, but mighty kind of yah to let her get away with that.” She gave a nod towards the drooling carnivorous equine who was just trotting back towards the fire with a huge grin and levitating a pile of rather finely cut meat, my cleaned blade and most of the freaking cockatrice skeleton.

Rarity also seemed to have missed she had blood up to her elbows. Applejack let out a sigh and rolled her eyes. “Unicorns. All prim an’ proper… until yah dangle half a’ chicken in front of ‘em.” Applejack fished up a stick from the ground and stuck it into her mane. She waved her hooves around while rolling her eyes around in a clear ‘madmare’ rutin. “Mine! Mah blood! Mah flesh!” She pulled the stick out with a snicker and throw it at the fire. “It’s rather funny… as long as yah don’t have to see ‘em actually eat.”

Considering Rarity had thrown the bones onto the embers, skewered every darn cut of meat at once using her telekinesis… and was absently licking the blood of her hoof without seemingly noticing I decided that this seemed to be one of those stereotypes that had some truth to it.

Applejack clearly tried to ignore looking too hard at ground level, but she seemed to find her friend’s clear enjoyment of this the important bit. “Ah know it might be a bit hard to believe seeing her like this… but she’s usually the image of respectability.” Rarity pulled one of the smaller bones from the fire and sucked the marrow with a look of bliss on her face. Then with a series of crunches that sent shivers down both my and Applejack's spines she eat the bone as well. Applejack made a face before speaking again. “She only gets this bad because she’s got this idea on being a ‘Lady’ all the darn time. Ah honestly don’t know how long it’s been for her.”

I couldn't quite take my eyes off the sight. A unicorn mare having a barbecue? It just had this morbidly fascinating ‘train-wreck at Disneyland’ quality to it.

I pointed at the apple. “You've done anything to that? I've noticed the local schools of magic seems to shirk using incantations.”

Applejack gave a shake. I leaned forward and grabbed the apple, giving it a buff on my duster before biting in. Never been a fruit connoisseur, but it was a really nice apple. “A bit strange with so many things I recognize in this place.” i took another bite to the mare’s barely hidden delight. I jerked a thumb Rarity’s way without looking there. Judging from the sound of snapping bones my sanity would thank me later. “Would you believe me if I told you unicorns and pegasi are mythological creatures in my world? Considering my own unintentional walkabout… well, makes you think, right?”

Applejack seemed a bit fascinated by that. Rarity even stopped her feast to shoot a question my way. “So…?”

I couldn't quite hold back a laugh. “I don’t think you’d believe me.”

I heard another crunch before she spoke again. “Sir Dresden, I’d believe you if you told me your moon is made from cheese after being supplied this feast.”

I just couldn't resist. “Well, for starters unicorns are supposed to be able to sense virgins…”

Applejack’s jaw fell. I heard Rarity spit something out and splutter.

“...and they are such creatures of purity and magic that they near embody both concepts…”

I could actually feel the wave of pride from Rarity’s direction. Applejack just snorted.

“...and thus that extra purity of being near a virgin makes them, for lack of a better word, drunk.”

For a moment, the place was still. Then Rarity let out a loud snort, while Applejack fell laughing to the ground.

I smirked as I finished off my apple. I doubt the bits about the horn and similar would garner such a positive reaction, but seeing a somebody literally rolling on the ground laughing was always a treat. Even Rarity seemed to find it at least a bit humorous.

“Oh, mah sides,” Applejack said as she fought herself upright and for breath. She looked once towards Rarity, and then she started tumbling about again.

“What off earth ponies…?” Rarity asked in such a sweet voice it just screamed ‘vengeance shall be mine!’

I wrecked my brain while Applejack stopped and gave me a bemused look. “...Can’t say I any species that seems to match comes to mind, but there’s quite the smattering of ‘legendary steeds...’”

I couldn't quite resist a few theatrics. With a low murmur of “Lumen, camerus, factum!” a mostly see through illusion of a eight legged stallion came thundering out of the shadows, to the two mares clear delight. I’d made the grey stallion massive; his one eyed rider waved his spear once at us before both ‘disappeared’ into the woods again. “Like the steed of the King of the Aesir, Odin. “

Both mares let out a small shriek as the image appeared again, thundering over our head so close they could have reached out and touch the rider and his horse. “The eight legged Sleipner was the King of horses in turn…” This time, I made the image disappear into the sky. “...and not even the sky could hold against the thundering of his hooves.”

“So, Ladies…” I gave both ‘spellbound’ mares my biggest smile even as I started weaving the energy for the next one. “Audience participation time. Something grim or beautiful next on this fine evening?” I simply couldn't resist and tipped an imaginary hat towards Rarity who actually cooed at the gesture. I did the same towards Applejack who just snorted, even if it was a happy sounding snort. “I doubt I will outdo your radiance, but I may as well try!”

Rarity cleared her throat politely. I must admit, I wasn't quite certain how to feel about the slight blush I saw. “Applejack here is something of a scaredy cat. Perhaps skipping the macabre might be wise?”

Applejack snorted hotly at her friend… but her ears were twitching slightly. “Am not!”

I drummed my finger on my cheek, thinking it over while keeping the spell half formed. “How about a mild one, just to test the waters? For all I know what is considered scary in my world might be laughable in this.” I snagged a bit of charred cockatrice for emphasis using a quick burst of wind.

It honestly tasted really nice, even without seasoning. This tender meat with the consistency of chicken, but mostly the taste of snake.

I wiped my hand on the ground before letting the spell take form again. “How about this then? How unicorns looks according to the myths of my world?”

That made them perk their ears. Perfect. I made the image come from the gloom again. The cloven hooves of a goat, a lion’s tail, the spiraling horn of a narwhal…. all covered in fur so white it shimmered under the freshly risen moon.

For a moment, I was tempted to make the illusion walk up to one of them… and fall down, seemingly drunk. The image made me chuckle mentally, but I fought it down. No reason to chance the rather good mood. Instead, I made the image rear near the brook, it’s near glowing fur reflected in the waters. Then the thing let out a echoing neigh, and galloped away.

“My, my…” Rarity murmured approvingly. “Aren't you the showmare?”

Applejack chuckled. “Yeah, wouldn't mind seeing the look on Trixie’s face at this competition!”

“Oh?” I let the showmare thing slide. It seemed to have been a compliment. “Friend of yours?”

Both mares hesitated, before Applejack spoke. “Eh, ah honestly don’t know what I’d call her nowadays. She’s the biggest braggart I know off, and she’s done some rather seriously bad mistakes…” The mare halted for a bit, searching for the words while looking at the stars. “...but you can’t help but feel she’s trying, yah know? One of those ponies?”

An image of the grinning Seppo flashed through my mind. “You’re fairly certain they’re on the level and mean well, but they've got more power than sense and you can’t help but feel like a swift kick to the groin might be what they need?”

Applejack bit back a snort. “Wouldn't go quite that far, but something like that.” The mare circled her temple with a hoof in a surprisingly human gesture for lunacy. “Girl got her hooves on this thing called an’ alicorn amulet and almost took over the town… while ranting about how she don’t trust wheels.”

I wasn't certain how to react to that. I decided to try learning more. “Really? Wheels?”

So my priorities weren't the best. To my defense, wheels. What the fuck?

Rarity shuddered once. “Yes, darling. Not quite only her fault, but it was a rather nasty bit of business.”

I tried to ignore a certain bit of bling that suddenly seemed a bit heavier even in my pocket. “So, just what does an alicorn amulet do? I take it they are magic related?”

Both mares blinked at that. Applejack narrowed her eyes at me.

I held up my hands. “Alicorn’s the material in a unicorns horn, right? Just sounded like it should be a type of rather grim magic focus. Power at a price stuff, you know?”

Both mares blinked at that, then they made near mirrored faces of disgust. Wasn't even a lie. It simply was what had flickered through my mind a few hours earlier on hearing the name.

Rarity smoothed out her face and thought about it. “...I suppose that might be it?” A shiver raced through her fur that I doubted had to do with the chill of the night. “Still, I will confess i’m no scholar on the subject. I use my magic for my art, and not much else.”

I recognized a switch in subject when I saw it, but I couldn't think of a way to keep the current one without raising suspicion or making them uncomfortable. I opted to get a bit more mutant snake chicken goodness instead. “Art?” Besides, the switch interested me. “I realize it might be hard to believe with my skills, but I actually consider myself a bit of a connoisseur. Even own a bookstore back home.”

Rarity’s eyes lit up, but Applejack just made a timeout gesture. “Wait, what?” She pointed at my sword. “And just what does that do then? Deal with shoplifters?”

I carefully thought over how to answer that without sounding madder than a hatter with a meth lab in his pantry. I hid it by staring skyward. “...The details are a bit dumb, to be blunt, but I've got a good but weird magic teacher.” I gave a shrug and tore my eyes from the beautiful sky. “He basically gave me a rather thorough crash course by jabbing most of a magical encyclopedia into my mind and then booted me into this realm. I think it’s his idea of a combined joke and master test.”

Both the mares jaws had near dropped to the ground. Wow, just how flexible are these gir- Bad thought! Bad thought!

I shrugged and grabbed another bit of meat. “Not exactly completely nice and what I’d preferred, but magic expertise is so freakishly rare in my world I’m basically treating it as the rather hefty price of admission.”

I froze for a moment as Applejack actually growled like an angry dog. “That just ain't right. What kind of master does that to his apprentice?”

Rarity gave a rather emphatic nod to that, her mouth a thin line.

I raised my ring covered hand. Rarity immediately zeroed in on it as it moved, letting out a thoughtful hum at whatever she saw. “To act as demon’s advocate, this is hardly the worst realm he could have dumped me into, and he didn't leave me helpless either, as our dinner can attest.”

“Just what do those rings do, darling?” Rarity seemed quite fascinated. “I can tell they are enchanted, but not how.”

“They drain away a bit of kinetic energy every time I move and saves it away for later.” I removed the stack from my thumb and flicked it over to her. “Be a bit careful. I don’t mind showing them, but they're technically a weapon.”

Applejack who'd mostly been groaning about ‘Oh buck, not unicorns talking shop!’ and similar rolled her eyes at that. “Is everything magic a weapon to yah? It’s more than a bit creepy, Mr. Dresden.”

I raised an eyebrow towards her as Rarity kept studying the force ring. “Would you carry around your favored object d'art in a forest?” I made a knitting motion in front of me and made my voice drip with sarcasm. “Perhaps an enchanted sweater that switches color with my mood?”

Applejack snorted at me and went to get some food, but Rarity nearly dropped my ring into the fire. “...Mind if I nick that idea, darling?”

Oh God, I just invented mood rings. Father, forgive me, for I have sinned against good taste... “Just so you know, that bit of sarcasm was based on a rather idiotic trend in my world several decades ago. It came and went like a flash. Just a tip.”

Rarity scratched her chin, thinking it over as my ring floated back to me. I just jabbed it on again. “Interesting. Perhaps just one or two pieces, just to see hove ponies react to it then?”

“Oh? You're in the fashion industry?” I tried to figure out how to put it politely. “Didn't exactly see that town I landed in under the best of circumstances, but clothes seemed a bit on the rare side.”

Rarity let out a just wonderful laugh. “Clothes are something of a Rarity, in these parts, yes.” She actually winked at me. Uncertainty on how to feel about this levels rising fast, Captain! “They’re luxury products. Is this different in your world?”

Applejack came back, carrying the bag of apples. “No offence, but what town?”

I fought down a groan. “I landed smack dab in the town square of a town…” I pointed the direction I’d come from. “...about a day that away. I got jumped by a few idiots ‘defending the town’ and caused quite the scene, but I got away without major problem. Had to sadly bruise more than the egos on a few, but nothing that shouldn't heal from what I saw.”

Both mares looked both really conflicted, worried and… ashamed, at that. I couldn't stop the sigh. “Let me guess. Hometown?”

Applejack fidgeted and wouldn't quite look me in the face. “...Sorry, Mr. It’s the Everfree. The town’s gotten better, but that darn place just got this tendency to throw horrors our way every now and then.”

I groaned with my head in my hands. There went the idea of tagging along with the only two sane people I've met so far. “Fine, fine…” I raised my head and rolled my shoulders. “Still, only a few idiots that didn't listen to me wanting to talk got a few kicks on the ass.” I shivered despite the fire. “Could have gone a lot worse.”

Both mares bristled. Rarity raised her head high and spoke in a voice with nails in it. “Mr. Dresden, there is no need for such derogatory words.”

I just blinked at her. Then it clicked. “Even the donkeys in this place are self-aware?!”

That made them blink in turn.

I let out a cough into my hand. “Forgive me, Ladies. I only meant it as another word for posterior. I was unaware that word had… that type of connections in this world.”

Both mares seemed more than a bit weirded out at my outburst.

“Let’s say that I’m a bit shocked by the biodiversity of sapients on this world.” I pointed a thumb at myself. “My world’s a more than just a bit lonelier in that regard.”

Ever seen two sapient ponies minds being blown? If so, I’d argue for a doctor’s visit for most of you. If your life somehow has turned as weird as mine, however? Rather cute. Would go ‘daw!’ again.

 “Surely you must be joking?” Applejack took off her hat and wiped her brow. I swear I saw something inside, but it was on her head again too quickly for me to be certain. “One intelligent species? How does such a world work?”

“Rather poorly, truth be told,” I said, in a rather somber tone. I snagged another apple before giving a shrug. “Still, we try. That’s supposedly the important bit.”

They both looked a bit uncomfortable at that. Rarity hid it by jumping the buffet again. Applejack however decided to switch subject. “...So, ah noticed you shout things for yah magic, but only sometimes. What’s up with that.”

I took a big bite out of the apple while I thought it over how to answer her. “...Something halfway between mental shorthand and mental magic insulation. It basically lets me do the complicated stuff easier and safer. Tricky bit is learning to associate certain words with certain spells like that. That’s why they’re in Latin, a dead tongue I don’t know. You don’t want to start a fire just because you thought the word, after all. It isn't particularly healthy for your sanity either.”

A small sound made me look towards Rarity. She was doing the ‘jaw to the navel’ thing again with her eyes wide. I pretended not to notice the half chewed bone that was quietly rolling away into the dark. “That’s… utterly ingenious! Who came up with it?”

I shrugged. “Not much to say I’m afraid. The concept’s prehistoric in my world. You guys really don’t have any equivalent to incantations?”

Applejack gently reached out and closed Rarity’s mouth. “Yah’ll let in flies, dear.”

I took the opportunity to satisfy my own curiosity. I pointed at the Stetson. “So, I think I caught a whiff of magic from that. What does it do?”

As answer, Applejack took her hat off, reached in… and pulled out a whole freaking lasso. I let out a low whistle. “My, that’s quite the enchantment. Must have cost a mint. What’s the capacity?”

Applejack replaced the lasso and smiled as she put the hat back on. “What? This ol’ thing? I actually won it at a fair.”

Now it was my turn to have my jaw at my navel. “Wha…? Seriously? Somepony made space itself their bi- personally chew toy, stuck it in a hat… and all at a price where you could buy it at a fair?”

Applejack thought it over, before giving a nod. “...Pretty much.”

I came to a decision. It was a bit spur of the moment, but it felt like a good one. “Say… you wouldn't care for a trade, by any chance?” I used a quick burst of wind and grabbed the cane sword as it came flying through the air. I wiggled it at the wide eyed mares. “Something we both consider normal for something we both find exotic is a fair one, right?

Applejack hesitated, rubbing at her chin but staring at the sword. “...Ah don’t rightly know. Ah’ll admit, you're rather impressive in the magic department but something about that…” She nodded once towards the obsidian arc, now almost lost in the gloom. “...just made mah skin crawl.”

I tapped the tip of the handle against my chin. “...You mentioned a friend that dabbles in the theoretical side of magic, right?” I pointed the cane towards their wagon. “You've got pen and paper in that thing? How about I throw in how to make one of these?” I tapped the cane sword for emphasis. “Should make it a fair bit safer to figure out how this type of focus reacts with you locals and if you play your cards right it might be quite the lucrative thing long term.”

Applejack had a decent poker face for negotiations… but I saw this gleam in her eye. “And you’d get… what out of that, exactly?”

“Well, a nice hat for once,” I deadpanned to a small smile from Applejack, “that and my ‘master’ as you two put it seemed to be a good guy to me. Just rather odd. For all I know I might get whisked back at midnight or whatever.” I tapped the side of my head. “Now, if that enchantment’s that common around here I might just find it at the nearest library… but I’d rather have a physical copy. Just in case.”

Rarity elbowed Applejack in the side and whispered something in her ear.

I hummed and tapped the handle against my chin again. “Those apples yours? Grown by you, I mean?”

Applejack nearly beamed with pride. “Yup.”

“Oh, so that’s why you got upset? Earth magic is considered primarily agromancy in these lands or something?”

Applejack blinked. “I beg yahr pardon? Agro what?”

Rarity answered for me. “A rather archaic way of saying plant magic.”

“More the magic of farming and growth in this context,” I clarified, “but close enough.”

Applejack just snorted at me, hard enough her hat moved slightly. “Well, why not just say that then?”

“PR,” I couldn't quite stop a sigh. “Magic is rather rare in my world, remember? What do you think people will travel from the furthest away for?” I rose to my full height and wove a quick and dirty illusion of a black cloak for myself, pointing my cane towards the heavens. “The mystical, enigmatic Sir Gorkian the Wise! Lord and master of a thousand magics! Denier of fate itself and grand-master of a hundred and eight mysteries!” I changed the illusion to a rather less flattering Hawaiian shirt, Bermuda shorts and sandals. My normal stuff showed clean through just for the extra bit of half-assedness. “Or Billy Bob, that dude, you know? That knows a thing or two. I've heard he’s rather decently OK… ish.”

Both mares fought down snorts as I brushed off the illusion.

I sat down again with a smile. “That, and everything sound cooler when you slap mancy on the end.” I paused. “Except possibly brontomancy. Kinda losses a bit, that one.”

Applejack shoot a glance in Rarity’s direction. “Lightning magic,” she in turn plainly explained.

Applejack gave a shrug before grabbing an apple. “Sounds a bit silly to mah ears. If both means the same, why go with the one less ponies will understand?”

“Actually, I know the answer to that one,” I answered, biting into a new apple of my own, “but it’s a bit depressing.”

Despite herself, Applejack perked her ears. “And that be, sugar?”

“Power, even if it’s a bit less grim than most such examples,” I drew a boat from overhead on the ground and an arrow pointing at each side. “take sailors, for example. You call it left and right, they’ll laugh at you, but if you actually talk the talk enough for port and starboard you’ll get a craftsman’s nod of approval. It’s a small way to make yourself seem less dispensable. Your skills seem just a bit more unique.”

It seemed I’d struck another nerve culturally, because both mares fidgeted and looked quite uncomfortable.

“Of course,” I added, “this is just on the theoretical level. Most just do it because everybody else is doing it. Tradition and all that.” I decided to switch the subject back on track and wiggled the cane at them again. “But I believe we were talking about a trade.”

Applejack fidgeted, almost staring with her eyes wandering back and forth between her hat and my blade. “...Ah just don’t know. This hat and ah’ve been on a few adventures together.”

I shrugged. “Your call.” I tapped the blade again. “To me, this is a sword and half a day or so with the right tools and reagents. I've gotten a feeling it is a bit rarer a chance from your perspective… just like your hat is to me.” I took a shot. It was hardly a common negotiation tactic, but Applejack seemed to care quite deeply for honesty. “To be frank, a pocket like that? That’s the stuff of fiction where I’m from. If you're being modest because you think I’m getting a bum deal… frankly, from my point of view it really isn't.”

Rarity leaned in and whispered something. Applejack just barked out a laugh. “Rares, if ah let yah make mah next hat it’ll be frillier then than that line o’ saddles yah think we've forgotten!”

Applejack and I chuckled at that, even if I mostly did it from the adorable blush Rarity got.

Applejack lifted down her hat, looked at it… and then with a sigh she threw me the thing. I actually caught it without cheating. “Fine, yah’ve got yahrself a deal, pardner…” She nodded towards m- her blade. “...but if that turns out to be a fake ah’m hounding yah down and bucking yah in the fruit and veg.”

I couldn't quite stop a laugh and a fidget at that. A horse that aims did sound a bit nasty. I reached over with the blade, only to withdraw it slightly just as her hoof was about to grab it. She gave me an irritated look, but let me say my piece. “Do remember, I swear on my power that I’m doing this deal in good faith, but this is technically an artifact from another realm.” I stopped to let the shiver from the vow coming and going pass. “I’d hate to hear somebody as nice as you’ve grown tentacles and started rampaging across the countryside, or whatever. Make sure that friend of yours checks this out thoroughly before using it.” I throw the blade into her lap while she was making a disgusted face; she caught it with a clatter even if it was close. “Oh, and if I hear anything about ‘Applejack the dread dirt mage’ I’m kicking your butt on principal, got it?”

Applejack reared herself to her full height, about to my chest, with the sword pointed to the heavens. “Muhahaha! Hear mah evil laugh of evil evil! For tonight… ah til mah soil!” She snored and sat down again as Rarity and I tried not to die from laughter. “Seriously though, I’d look dreadful in a black cloak an’ top-hat!”

“Glad you're already enjoying it!” I donned my new headgear with a smile. It smelled a bit horsey, but not badly so. It seemed Applejack took a bit of pride in her mane, because I could just barely smell an apple scented shampoo. “So, how about that paper?”

I spent the next hour or so drawing and writing, making as thorough a How To as I could. Rarity spent the time gnawing herself through most of what was left of the cockatrice, while Applejack examined her new purchase by the fire.

That’s when a smoke could filled with green flames came darting towards us. I do try to fight smarter, not harder, so I snapped my right hand up and formed a small shield around the thing.

Both Rarity and Applejack flinched slightly. “Jezz…” Applejack said, staring at my hand,” aren't yah a swift one?”

I jerked my head towards what little was left of the cockatrice, but I didn't take my eyes of the smoke who was currently pecking against the shield like a fly caught in a glass. “I try. What is that thing?”

“Just a message,” Rarity was about to say something more, but the she blinked. “Oh, right. No dragons, then?”

I just turned and stared at her. “That’s what passes for a dragon in this world?” I turned and gave the flame filled smoke creature another look. It did seem to move with purpose and I could even feel the magic in it. It seemed a harmless if rather pretty thing. “Seems to fit the legends I've heard of djinn more. Are they a type of spirit, or something?”

Applejack sucked in a breath. One of those ‘Oh God, that tourist just actually asked me if all Swedes live in igloos’ kind of fought down laughs, if I was any judge. “Nah, it’s dragon magic. It’s rather rare, but some of ‘em can send messages like that.”

I gave the smoky flame another look. Magical instant messaging. Who’d have thunk it? Sufficiently advanced magic, I guess. “So, I should just let it go?”

“Please,” Rarity said without taking her eyes of it, “that was some quick thinking, but it’s completely harmless. i swear.”

I didn't quite feel certain about it, but I decided to heed the locals. The thing darted straight for Rarity, but the whole smoky mass just kinda collapsed into a scroll about half a meter in front of her. It even hovered in the air before she grabbed it with her magic.

I leaned over to Applejack while Rarity read. “So, do you have to be a dragon for that spell? That was kinda nifty.”

The mare just shrugged at my words. “Don’t rightly know, sugar. Never thought about asking.”

I gave a grunt. Not the answer I’d been hoping for, but I understood.

Besides, judging from how Rarity gasped there was more important things at hand. “We need to get to Ponyville!”

I sat up straight. “What happened? You two need any help?”

Applejack snatched the scroll from Rarity so fast it ripped slightly. “...No,” she mumbled after reading it, she turned to Rarity and spoke normally. “What kind of monster could have put Twilight in the hospital?!”

Something cold slithered down my spine. Ugh, a monster mauling? Nasty business. I hope I didn't have anything to do with that. Having guards been distracted to the point citizens had gotten hurt or something would just make this day a bit worse. “You two want an escort? I doubt I’d be that welcome, but I’d hate to see either of you run into something in this gloom.”

Applejack was already fixing her wagon for travel. Considering how tired I’d been getting even with the talking as a rather pleasant distraction I could imagine how weary the two mares might be.

Rarity hesitated. “...What was your original plan?”

“Overheard that Canterlot’s the capital and that it’s that town on that mountain,” I gave a nod in that direction, “thought I’d go see if it’s a bit more cosmopolitan. No offence.”

“Not that bad an idea, sugar,” Applejack said as she put the finishing touches on her wagon and struggled into it. “Might be wise to keep to it. Celestia an’ Luna can’t be everywhere and the town’s a bit snobby, but they run it rather tight. You behave as well as yah’ve with us an’ yah should have no problems in ‘at town.”

“Wait,” I said, rummaging in my pockets for the ball of string, “let me at least make you a light. I kinda noticed you two don’t seem to have that great night vision.”

Both mares grumbled a little, but didn't make any outright protests.

I found a decently round pebble and almost tied it into a cradle. This was technically me improvising, but it was simple enough that it should work. I just grabbed a bunch of magic and focused it on the small rock. With a murmur of “Fiat lux.” just as I actually tightened the knot the rock started glowing with a, if I do say so myself, brilliant light. I bit off about half a meter of string and throw it to Rarity. “Not sure how long it will last, but better than nothing. No promises, but just jabbing more energy into it should work for a while.”

Rarity nodded thankfully and tied the small improvised light around her own neck. I tried not to think off a bell on a cat, but I kinda failed.

I hesitated, but… “Rarity, I take it your friend’s a unicorn?”

Rarity let out a small laugh echoed by Applejack. “My, you really are new. Used to be.”

I raised an eyebrow at that in curiosity, but now was not the time. I nodded towards the fire. “You can take what’s left of the meat if you want. Give it to the brave girl with my compliments. Anybody willing to give better then they got and bleed for their town is alright in my book.”

Rarity shoot me a thankful smile, before darting over to the wagon to grab something to put the meat in.

I stalked over to try finish my chicken scribbles before they needed to leave. Luckily, I’d been almost done. I even had time to skim the notes for anything majorly wrong before walking over to Applejack. The mare was stomping to get going, but I handed her the small notebook. “Here. A bit rushed, but everything major’s there. With the sword for comparison your friend shouldn't have any trouble once she’s well again.”

I let out a small yelp as she just grabbed me by the duster and pulled me down to her level. Dear Lord, was that really only one horse power? Then my mind went a bit blank when I received a soft peck on the cheek. It was rather like being kissed by somebody with a beard, but with this feminine softness to it. She chuckled on seeing me blush and dunked me in the back hard enough I lost my breath and nearly fell over. “Yah take care of yahrself, Harry. Yah might be a weird biped from another dimension but yarh my type of weird biped from another dimension with hospitality like that. If Canterlot doesn't quite work out for yah and that so called ‘master’ of yahrs turns out to be as full of horse apples as he sounds like to mah, then yah come looking for Sweet Apple Acres.” She gave me another dunk, making me rather glad for the reinforcements on my duster. Damn, I’d hate to face an earth pony in hand to hoof. If this was a friendly pat on the back I doubted it be something I’d care for. “Still don’t know about that earth magic of yahrs, but somepony with a strong back that doesn't mind getting their hooves dirty and who considers  cockatrices ‘pest’ is somepony I an’ the rest o’ the clan have work for.”

I got up and cracked my back, and then I tipped my new hat at her with a chuckle. “Thank you kindly, Ma’am. Might just do that if this stay turns out to be a bit more long term then I’m currently planning.”

Applejack jabbed a hoof into my stomach, hard enough that I felt it. “And don’t yah dare just disappear into the ether!” She punctuated the next sentence with another jab. “Yah come say goodbye if yah can. I’m sure Twilight would love to chat yahr ears off, as well.”

Had to admit, if the girl could make sense of a magical artifact from another world? That sounded like a mare worth meeting. “I’ll try. A pleasure both to have met and do business with you, Miss Applejack.” I took my hat off and reached in. It was the oddest sensation. My eyes told me I shouldn't be able to, but it was just like reaching into a trunk or something. My hand came up holding the lasso just fine, however. “You almost forgot this, however.”

Applejack swore something softly under her breath before gently taking the thing from me. She throw the lasso over to the wagon rather urgently, but I got a big smile for it. “Mighty kind. Can’t believe I almost forgot that.”

I got up and put the hat back on. It was a silly little way to reinforce my own identity… but the ‘real’ Harry never wears hats despite one always being on the cover. Just a misunderstanding that grew into a running joke. Still, the weight on my head made me feel better. Made me feel just a bit more like me.

Rarity had busied herself with a quick jump into the brook to look a bit more presentable and was just tucking away a small paper package containing the meat. She didn't look up, but I still saw her smiling when she addressed me. “I’m sure Twilight will appreciate it, darling.” A shudder swept the mare, shaking quite a bit of water out of her fur. “I don’t want to know what might have mangled her, but it sounded as if she’s stable, at least. Small favors.”

I looked around. It was rather dark, but at least the drizzle had stopped. “You two hurry slowly, OK? A broken leg from going too fast won’t make your friend feel any better.”

Rarity let out a sigh. “And I was just about to ask what exactly you've done to that duster to make it near glow with magic like that….”

“Magic,” I deadpanned to a groan from both mares. I couldn't quite stop a smile, even if I had wanted to. I raised my hand instead and waved them off. “Well, it would be a rather poor sign of thing if we exhausted all conversation on our first meeting, would it not? You two Ladies take care. It was a true pleasure.”

I got a pair of smiles for that. Both Rarity and Applejack waved once, then they just galloped off into the gloom to go help their friend. I watched the white dot race away until the trees and hills obscured it.

I got up and cracked my back. Man, was it nice to have met some friendly locals. I never would have even suspected they came from that very same crazy town if it hadn't come up. A pity I might end up meeting the PPP and that Twi twit if I ever tried taking them up on their offers, but it felt nice knowing that town wasn't a complete insane asylum. Their friend Twilight sounded quite intriguing as well. Both Rarity and Applejack had just seemed certain she’d be able to figure that focus out. Good for her, but I hoped it wasn't misplaced.

I let out a huge yawn. Now was clearly time for bed, however. That conversation had been just fascinating, almost as much as seeing Rarity eat… but man, was it late.

I pulled a few more logs on the fire and chucked my staff into the hollow before doing my best at bedding myself down. I hadn't found anything to bed with and I didn't dare use my duster, but the sand was decently soft enough. I pulled the hat down over my face, trying to ignore the slightly horsey smell. It wasn't bad, per se, but it was rather persistent.

I’m fairly certain I was out like a light more or less as soon as I folded my hands on my chest. I did it with a smile, though.

What can I say? Always nice to meet new friends. Hopefully it won't take that long before I get to meet them again.

Chapter 4 - It's Only a Model

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Chapter 5 - Had I the Heavens’ Embroidered Cloths...

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Chapter 6 - Sticks And Stones? Bah, Amateurs....

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Prologue - A Glimpse of Ice and Fire

The Crystal Empire was on fire.

Don’t ask me how.

And it wasn't my fault!

...Well, not directly. I’m fairly certain that would hold in a court.

The ground shook, as one of the squat crystal buildings collapsed inward. It was being consumed from within by those strange green flames that mother Godzilla fucking sized dragon had spewed everywhere.

“Wizard!” The bastard in question bellowed loud enough that it rivaled how Luna had sounded in Canterlot. Well, before she got a face-full of wizard that saw little reason in being slow to anger. “You’ll pay for your crimes!”

All that destruction and most likely death, the loss of who knew how many unique wonders… and he couldn't even figure out something more original to shout in challenge than that? Fucking morons these days.

I sighed and considered my options. The green and purple giant twit was an utter idiot, whoever he was. He’d easily already caused ten times the damage I’d done over my whole so called ‘rampage.’ Swings of that freight train tail of his, those unnatural flames, swipes in blind fury…

All in all, the bit of the town we were in was probably a total loss. Those ancient, beautiful and wonderful buildings, gone thanks to a overgrown child’s temper tantrum. I felt my hand tighten around my staff without actually willing it do so, something vile and dark rising in my chest at the sight. What an utter waste this was.

All because of that freaking Crayola laboratory escapee. I wiped dust of my... uh, duster, as another building collapsed in the distance. Now, ample proof to the contrary aside, I was not a violent man. But that prismatic pony prick? Her I’d like to backhand the head off.

With a sigh, I moved out of the shadow I’d thickened with a well chosen spell. It had served me well, but now I had two choices.

Flee, and almost certainly live. Leaving this place to its fate.

Two, try to save everyb- pony, all that knowledge, all that art, and all else of value. Just like the noble idiot I now resembled.

I swear I felt my heart break a little as I saw this neat little magic shop I’d been in only hours ago crumble like the dreams of a model with a healthy BMI. I saw those cursed green flames lick over bookshelves, knickknacks and who knows what else, now lost forever.

I groaned and took a precious moment to curse my twisted freaking morals with my head in my hands. “Harry, you are an idiot.” I realized what I’d just said, what I’d called myself, and leaned my head back, cackling this cracked laugh that didn't sound quite sane even in my own ears. “Big freaking surprise there!”

I shook my head to clear the wave of mania, making the thrice damned pentacle amulet dash around against my chest. Now was not the time for navel gazing.

The runes on what had once been my old hockey-stick but now as twisted as I was, lit from within by a pale blue light as I started channeling soul fire into my staff. I’d probably only get a few shots on the bastard but by Jove, I would make him feel them for the rest of his wasted existence.

I raised my staff high with both hands, its tip blazing like a beacon in the night. The sky began to boil even before the spell was done, as I used all I’d learned of weather magic in this world to whip the sky into a fury of such intensity that it had seldom been seen even in my own world. My duster whipping around was distracting, but nothing I couldn't ignore.

The beast noticed and looked straight at me at about the point the wind started to feel as if it would blow me off my feet.

A wicked, almost feral grin split my face. Perfect. Eat this, you abomination!

“Fulminos!” I screamed as I slammed my staff into the ground, the soul fire augmented spell shooting straight into the sky. Deep into the very heart of the darkest storm-cloud.

For a moment, all was still except the flames. Even the sky seemed to freeze. Then almost in slow motion a web of sparks converged straight over the gaping dragon’s head, formed into a single point almost too bright to look at…

...and the freakin' finger of God reached down, as a screaming blue waterfall of soul fire laced thunder crashed down into the raging monster. The last thing I saw before I throw my arm over my face was a screaming black draconic outline that seared itself to my retinas.

I’d started screaming at about the time that spot formed. It was all just so loud. I hadn't even realized the wall of sound had thrown me several meters until I felt the cold cobbles under my back.

I got trembling to my knees, but the soul fire and the spell had taken too much. I just couldn't make my aching body move anymore then that. I’d heard the phrase ‘bone weary’ many times, but now I actually felt it. This fatigue that was so deep it was almost an ache, reaching down from my skin into the freaking bone. My smoking staff fell from my unresistant involuntary twitching fingers and clattered away. I tried to blink the after images away, but my freaking eyelids barely cooperated.

That was when the damn bastard got to his feet, shook his head as if he’d been stung by a gnat and zeroed his luminescent green eyes straight at me. “What a waste of talent you are.”

I just couldn't’ help it. I started laughing. This deep, echoing belly laugh I couldn't have stopped even if I wanted to. Even the dragon seemed a bit disturbed by it, judging from how he hesitated.

Trembling and still laughing, I got to my feet. It took three tries thanks to how shaky I was, but I managed to get my staff. Fuck all the fucking consequences this fucking wizard dies on his fucking feet.

My laugh died in my throat, as everything started frosting over. The walls, the ground, a fountain that had diligently been spluttering out water despite being mostly a footprint froze so quickly that half a burst froze midair. It clattered to the ground and shattered, as even my freaking eyebrows turned white from the verglas quickly covering everything within sight.

Once things had gotten so cold that even the freaking moment seemed half solidified and I swear I saw a few flames stop dancing, she stepped out of thin air. Not a flicker of even the hint of power. She just stepped forward, as if the air itself had been naught but a bead curtain.

She was beyond beautiful. The type of undying, immortal beauty I’d only seen trice, and all within this world. The curves of the finest glaciers, skin and hair as white as the fairest snow, perfect lips curved into a small smile and the color of frozen mulberries …

Slitted green cat eyes, sparkling with inhuman intelligence and barely contained humor, but as cold as the very core of hell itself.

Her glamour was intoxicating, but her power was such that even that realization barely caused a flicker of her glory to vanish. As if this coating of snow had been blown away only to show you the ancient dark glacier underneath.

She was the type of beautiful men have waged war and slaughtered their own brothers for… but I felt only dread. I dared not take my eyes of her and my mouth was dry enough to stop me from speaking, but I bowed my head deep. My hands trembled on my staff, and not only from the cold and fatigue.

I had to swallow twice before my mouth would cooperate. “Hail and well met, Oh fair Queen of Air and Darkness. May I humbly ask for what reason you have come here?” My eyes flickered to the dragon that was slowly backing off, not taking his eyes of the fae. “Now might not be the best time, however. May we perhaps take a rain-check?”

That moment was enough. I didn't even see her move. Suddenly, I was just choking with her vice-like grip around my throat and my back against the nearest wall.

This nearest wall of course being a hundred meters away from where I’d stood just moments before. Fuck my freaking life.

The something that almost made me lose what little control of my body I had left happened. Her grip turned… gentle, and she smiled at me. It was as inhumanly beautiful as the rest of her, but I’d seen frozen corpses with more warmth left in them. The small smile frankly did not seem to be of this world, but some strangely twisted one where absolute zero was just a gentle suggestion. “Well met, twisted double of my Knight in sour armor. I have followed your recent career with great interest, Björn Jönsson.”

She let go off me, but I didn't fall. The rime on the wall just reached out and shackled me in ice before I could as much as twitch. I shuddered, but not from the touch of ice. She knew my name, and that was a grim thing for such a being to know.

She put her hands at navel level, making me realize for the first time that she wore nothing but a light coating of frost that sparkled in the light. What can I say? I’m not really Harry, I just look like him. I personally thought the fey queen more pressing to notice then her ‘ensemble.’ She gave three slow claps, smiling all the while. “You know enough to fear. Good. You of course know that my kind cannot lie?”

I gave a stiff nod, my neck fixed mostly by the ice collar. It seemed to satisfy her, though.

She leaned in and spoke in a voice so cold it made my ear feel as if on fire. “When I saw first that some pretender was using my Knight’s face and name, I was enraged.” The last word reverberated with her power, making me flinch. I felt something warm start dripping, and it felt as if a tiny icicle had been driven through my ear. “But alas, the guardians of this realm are vigilant indeed. My kind has barely seen these shores since the sisters rose to power. I could barely watch, let alone set things in motion to punish your insolence.”

The pain in my ear was still nothing to the terror I felt at her next words. Words spoken in humor that made these mad giggles dance at the edges of my mind. “And then, you did something far too few mortals have done. You amused me.”

Her smile grew wider without touching her eyes. It was like having a two meter fox smile in your face. “And of course, the guardians are thanks to those same actions that amused me…” She sucked in a shuddering, almost orgasmic breath. “...unavailable.”

She patted the side with my wounded ear, a jab of cold so deep it burned flickering through the wound before my hearing returned. “Few things pleases me so deeply as mortal struggle, little jester who wears my Knight's helm. The step after what should have been the last as the hounds bays draw closer. The breath wrestled from the storm itself by the drowning man. The scorned prophet that dare the very heavens to strike him down.” She looked towards the dragon who just stood there, seemingly mortified. “The knight who picks up his shattered sword and battered shield for one last charge of defiance.”

No…

She clutched her hands over her bosom, seemingly as giddy as a schoolgirl. “So, Mr. Jönsson…”

She ran both hands across her hips slowly and sensually, making sure I saw everything. Despite myself and the situation… well, I am a man.

“I've never had the chance of a loophole to have two bearers of my mantle before. Shall we…” Her hands moved to cup her breast as her smile near impossibly grew even wider. “...strike a deal?”