Princess Luna's Coffee Addiction

by NorrisThePony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy
Length: 2272

Luna is forced to go a week without caffeine. A bit troublesome for the Princess of the Night.

Luna is forced to go a week without caffeine. A bit troublesome for the Princess of the Night, somepony who rarely sleeps. And Celestia doesn't make it a lot easier, either.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-25 14:40:04 UTC

Café Mocha

"None?"

"That is what I said, Luna."

"None at all? Not a drop?"

Celestia sighed loudly.  "I'm sorry, Luna, but according to the royal cooks, there isn't a drop of coffee in all of Canterlot at the moment. Something of a shortage, I suppose."

Luna paced across the throne room, hyperventilating. "No! This can't be happening, Celestia! What am I to do?"

"I'm afraid I don't follow...why is it such a big deal if you don't have coffee?" Celestia grinned slightly, something Luna noticed irritably.

"I suppose this is rather satisfying for you, yes? After the cake incident? After our discussion about vices and overreacting?"

Her grin intensifying, Celestia started across the empty hall towards her sister. "I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little pleased with how these events have turned out."

The sound of Luna's hoofbeats echoing across the quiet throne room grew louder and more rapid as Luna's desperation slowly grew.

"But this is different!" She began. "This is serious! Without means to remain awake through the night, I cannot safely protect our subjects from the dangers that lurk in the darkness of their own subconscious imaginations!"

"Agreed. Perhaps you should adapt to a more...nocturnal life style...?"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Luna screamed suddenly, causing Celestia to jump in moderate surprise. "Who knows what sort of boisterous realm of insanity will await me upon awaking after you have had sole reign over Canterlot, for even a day?"

"Because I had the castle painted pink once during your absence?" Celestia laughed pleasurably at her sisters all to familiar overreacting.

Instead of answering her sisters obviously patronizing remark, Luna halted her directionless trek across the throne room and turned back to her sister, who was now examining Luna's empty coffee mug with a sadistic glare of satisfaction.

"No. No, no, no! I don't need the aid of artificial supplements to allow me to do my duties!" Luna hollered proudly. "I can function perfectly without...without coffee!"

To prove her point, Luna yanked the mug out of Celestia's grasp with her magic and smashed it onto the marble floor, the sound of shattering porcelain resounding across the empty room. There was a long period of awkward silence as Celestia tried her hardest not to explode with laughter, and finally Luna broke it.

"That was...perhaps unnecessary..."

"Perhaps..." Celestia snickered, before leaving Luna alone in the throne room.

Celestia marched down the hall with purpose, smiling at the guard ponies standing at the end of the causeway.

"Good morning, gentlemen!" She said pleasurably.

The guards gave a short bow of respect, before one spoke.

"Good morning, Your Majesty."

"Due to some unforeseen consequences involving my dear sister, I'm afraid we must delay Shining Armor's Royal Guard Summit until Wednesday." Celestia commended her cunning brilliance internally. The thought of her sleep-deprived sister at such an important event was all to hilarious for her to pass up.

"Yes, your majesty. I shall pass on the message."

Celestia thanked the guard, opening the door and walking out into the beautiful castle courtyard, light dew on the multitude of vegetation sparkling in the morning light.

Princess Luna looked up at the moon, majestic and alone up in the sky. This would be her third night without sleep...and yet she couldn't imagine staying awake for more than an hour. She sighed, and started back into the castle slowly.

Celestia looked up from her book when she saw her sister enter from the balcony.

"Good evening, sister." She said with a smug grin. "How goes the night?"

"Oh, shut up."

Luna stormed past her sister into the throne room, where she stopped, glancing around aimlessly.

"Why...why exactly did I come in here?" She muttered to herself. A faint rustling behind informed her that her sister had followed her into the throne room.

"Luna..." Celestia began cautiously, her arrogance gone. "I believe this has gone on long enough... you don't need to prove anything..."

Luna whipped around furiously. "That is where you are wrong!" She asserted angrily. "A Princess of the Night needs not sleep!"

Celestia sighed dramatically. "And yet I seem to recall you taking long naps throughout the day before."

"Before..." Luna replied. "I wasn't wary of my sisters malicious intentions!"

Celestia blinked in confusion. "My...what?"

"You are just waiting for me to slip up so you can exact your revenge for embarrassing you in front of our royal guards! Imagine how ridiculous the Princess of the Night would look sleeping underneath her own starry sky!"

"Uh huh." Celestia shrugged, giving up trying to reason with her paranoid sister. She started her journey back to her and Luna's library, before stopping and looking back at Luna.

"Shining Armor's Royal Guard Summit is early tomorrow, as you undoubtedly are aware of. I know how much you hate the Day Court, but hopefully this shall be a little more interesting. Make sure you are prompt and pay your utmost attention, for we are discussing matters of grave importance."

With that, Celestia left her sister alone in the throne room.

Luna's mind entered a panicked frenzy at the deliverance of this news. No, she had NOT known this! How in Equestria was she supposed to pay her utmost attention to a conference she wouldn't even be able to stay awake through?

She sighed, and sat down on her throne. Closing her eyes, Princess Luna let her mind wander slightly, not to sleep, but to the dreams of other ponies. Entering the dreams of other ponies was far from relaxing, and it didn't exactly count as sleep for her. Most of the time, while Celestia slept peacefully through the night, she was battling nightmarish creatures that could never exist in reality, teaching young fillies and colts how to confront their fears, and most of the time, a combination of the two.

The past three days had been trying on Luna. She wasn't used to being so exhausted all the time, and she kept asking herself why she was so keen on proving her sister wrong anyway.

Lying alone in the growing darkness, Luna sensed no nightmares. She breathed a sigh of relief and opened her eyes again. Rising from her throne, Luna strode into the library, where Celestia was still reading. She looked up when she heard Luna approach.

"Yes, sister?" Celestia asked disinterestedly.

Luna exhaled audibly. "I'm sorry for my behavior a few seconds ago. I suppose I WAS overreacting."

"Mmm hmm." Celestia murmured, her attention obviously engrossed by her novel. "Does this mean you shall be turning in?"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Luna screamed familiarly. "I am apologizing for my rudeness in proclaiming my suspicions...I am not, however, dismissing them!"

"Well then, I suppose you're welcome." Celestia yawned. "I, myself, am exhausted."

She dragged the last word out extensively, smiling at Luna as she did so. Luna laughed suddenly, not sarcastically or mockingly, but a genuine, cheerful chuckle.

"Have a good sleep, Celestia."

Luna spent the remainder of the night wandering the empty castle aimlessly, watching her moon traverse across the lonely sky, or checking for nightmares. She considered sitting down and reading, like she normally did at this hour, but decided against it. Anything even remotely relaxing wasn't good for her, considering how hard it was to stay awake.

"Night time is so MONOTONOUS!" Luna shouted to the empty castle.

After what seemed like an eternity of boredom for Princess Luna, the moon finally began to dip under the horizon, signalling the end of the night. Luna thought of her sister, undoubtedly standing on her balcony, raising the sun with her magic.

Luna looked cautiously around, and seeing she was alone, yawned loudly. She would have given anything for a nice, warm pot of coffee...any earthly luxuries she was entitled to as a princess, any of the gifts she had received from her subjects throughout her extensive reign...she would have given any of it away for just one...solitary...

"Luna!" An energetic voice called out from behind her.

Luna turned to face her sister, who was yawning and blinking sleep out of her eyes.

"What?" Luna answered coldly, much to Celestia's surprise.

"Easy, Luna. I hope you aren't this grumpy at the summit today."

"What do you want?" Luna repeated irritably, before sighing and attempting a weak smile. "I'm sorry, Celestia. You have no idea how exhausted I am right now..."

"My condolences." Celestia said distantly. "Anyway, breakfast is served early today, and we shall be making our way up to the main hall immediately after to await the arrival of Shining Armor and company."

Luna cast a quick glance at her sister, before turning to focus her attention on the testimony of yet another Royal Guard.

The summit was, simply put, painfully tedious. The subjects being mentioned were of extremely insignificant proportions, mostly focusing on minute petty crimes, bylaw proposals, and other boring affairs. Any longer, Luna knew she would be falling asleep, thus granting her sister's diabolical wish for revenge. Growing increasingly irritated, Luna turned and whispered to sister.

"How much more of this do you figure there is?"

"Luna! Focus!"

"This is utterly ridiculo--"

Luna stopped abruptly when she realized that everypony had stopped talking and was staring at her. Apparently she had been a tad louder than she had meant to be. Luna blushed and sheepishly told the guard  to continue.

It would never end...at this rate, they would be here all day, discussing these meaningless affairs. Luna could think of a thousand actual problems in Equestria she would be willing to help assist, ANYTHING was more important than...what was the guard rambling about now? Luna's frustration slowly culminated over each unbearable hour. Any normal day, she knew she would never have been this impatient, but she was simply in no mood to be subjected to such torture.

"...wagon wheels that require extra care should be..."

"How much longer is this going on?" Luna interrupted suddenly, rising from her seat.

"I...I beg your pardon, Your Majesty..."

"It's a simple question." Luna said. "And I know you heard me rather clearly. I asked how much more of my day you plan on wasting."

"Luna!" Celestia whispered furiously. "What in Equestria are you doing?"

"What am I doing? What are they doing? Why are they still here? This is dull, plodding, pedantic, and...and..."

Luna sighed and sat back down, motioning for the guard to continue. She could faintly hear a few of the guards chuckling, and a quick glance at Celestia told her she had just made a proper fool of herself.

When the summit finally ended, it was well passed noon, and Luna was one of the first ponies to leave the main hall. Storming into the library, Luna sat down furiously on the first chair she saw. In time, Celestia entered, too.

"What..what was your problem in there?" She asked with a hint of amusement on her voice.

"You know very well what my problem is!"Luna snarled in reply. "So, you've gotten your wish I suppose."

"I'm afraid I don't follow. What wish would that be again?"

"Revenge, sister! After embarrassing you in front of everypony over the chocolate cake, you schemed this whole thing in an attempt to do the same thing to me. Well, congratulations! You've succeeded!"

Celestia laughed cheerfully. "Alright, Luna, this has gone on long enough. For the love of Equestria, take a nap. This sort of sleep deprivation isn't healthy. Besides, I want my happy, responsible sister back. Although it was quite delightful for somepony to finally say what I have been thinking ever single second of Day Court. So thank you for that."

Luna pondered the words of her sister for a long time. She supposed this was it, it's not like she could embarrass herself anymore than she already did. Finally, she decided she had no choice.

"Fine! You win!" Luna exclaimed. "The Princess of the Night is incapable of functioning without her coffee! But what does anypony expect?"

Celestia shuffled uncomfortably as she watched her sister rant. A sharp tinge of guilt struck her, if not for a moment, before dissipating.

"As the Princess of the Night, I sleep perhaps...two, three hours a day. It...it isn't fair! While your duty ends when the day does, my duty stretches across all hours!"

Celestia could do nothing but nod. She watched her sister sit back down angrily, closing her eyes and finally letting sleep come to her. When she was sure Luna was sleeping, she turned and left the library in the direction of the courtyard. Finding two guards standing at the entrance-way, Celestia approached them.

"Could you gentlemen please find a painter in Canterlot and send him here as promptly as possible? And if you happen to pass a coffee shop on the way, inform them that the temporary "Coffee Ban" has been lifted."

Her guards nodded and left to obey her orders, leaving Celestia alone in the courtyard. She looked up at the sun and calculated how long Luna would be able to sleep until she had to be awoken to raise the moon. Her sister had at least five hours left to sleep. Certainly enough time for a coat of paint in the throne room, anyway.

Celestia couldn't help but commend the impeccability of her revenge plan. Her sisters reaction at the summit today was everything she had been wishing for and more.

Meanwhile, Luna slept soundly and happily until it came time for her to raise the moon, which she did happily, before setting in for the night with a good book and a mug of coffee, brought to her generously by her sister.