Well, Now I'm Not Even Trying.

by I_Wish_For_Pudding

Rating: everyone
Tags:
Length: 920

See what happens when the noobiest noob ever, I_Wish_For_Pudding, lets her fingers do the typing.

I will write this, and it will scare me.
Be prepared. *puts on an army hat, padded clothing and chemistry goggles* We're doing science here.

Consists of stuffy-stuff….

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-08 00:59:36 UTC

Wherein Many Stuff Occurses

  It was a sunny, pretty morning in the town of a sunny, pretty population. The town's name was Horsetown, but to the brain-dead citizens of Equinemerica (or Equestria) who had fallen for the tyrant, evil queen's (who wasn't really tyrannic or evil) false information on everything, is was known as Ponyville.

  On that sunny, pretty morning in the sunny, pretty town, every sunny, pretty pony, horse, mule, donkey, hippogriff, griffon, zebra, and various other types of unnaturally easily-mingling breeds, equine and not, were doing their jobs, which were assigned to most of them not by bosses, but by the tattoos on their butts that seemed to define who they were (one exception being Pinkie Pie).

  Twilight Sparkle was being a nerd, Big Mac was doing things he wasn't supposed to be doing, Fluttershy was guarding her shed with a giant butterfly machine gun, Rainbow Dash was being a homosexual, Derpy Hooves was killing everyone unintentionally, Scootaloo was dying again and again and again, Rarity was making a nonsensical fuss over everything, Applejack was being religious and really f**king angry at Twilight for no reason, and Pinkie Pie was being only slightly unbearably annoying. All the ponies were happily doing their jobs.

  And then the town hall exploded.

  Derpy, who was busy derping, had derped into the sunny, pretty town hall and broke the mayor's face, causing her to drop onto the floor, hitting a mysterious red button. "Well, now we know what THAT did," peeped a rainbow-maned, cerise pegasus who was not Rainbow Dash because Rainbow Dash is not pink. Rainbow ran up to the pegasus and kissed her deeply on the face. "Why wub woo," she wailed as Scootaloo came crashing from the sky because some idiot put her up there. Scootaloo fell with a splat so loud that a mouse could hear it from the opposite side of the world, which didn't really exist because the world is almost round (actually, it's more of an ellipsoid) and simply cannot HAVE sides. Scootaloo's guts exploded and blasted everyone in the face so hard that they fell over and wept. "I LOVE YOU RAINBOW DASH AND YOU ARE MY LIFE!!!!" She screamed unnaturally loud for someone who should've already been dead.

  "Buck you, little worthless piece of ass dung!" Rainbow Dash laughed and kicked Scootaloo's eyes to the moon.

  "Aehm rully eupsett uiff yahll, Twahlaht," yelled Applejack. She yelled to make the mood more intense and to show her utter hatred towards Twilight Sparkle. Also, my sibling appears to be sociopathic, yet, he is simply a bit callow. "Ehtz yerr falt ernd erverfin ez yerr falt!"

  "Durrrr, I have no idea what your talking about!" shrieked the lavender unikitty. She did not say "you're", she said "your", for her own reasons. Mainly because she wanted to be at the same grammatical speech level as AJ just so that the slightly brick-headed farmer could understand her. She then cleared her throat, turned towards the more sane audience of whom were floating around like pillows, and spoke in her smart nerd voice. "What I am intending to claim is that I do not have a stabile hypotheses of what I might have done to disturb the strangely-colored Equus Odioses that claims to be a farmer of fruit, named after a strong, alcoholic liquid that is known to drunken some."

  Now the author will rename all the ponies. Wait, okay?

  First, all of the mane six started to swell and quiver. It started in the abdomen. Then it spread across the chest, riddling along it in thick veins that looked like bad burns. The abdomen swelled quicker the more widespread the swelling itself became, as did the rest of the body, but at a slower pace.

  By the time the entire body started swelling, the ponies were lumpy, floaty, immobile and crying out in pain. Then the spreading continued in a similar fashion amongst all of the ponies in Horsetown. Soon, the beyond-ridiculously round ponies started floating, newly filled with a hard substance that was lighter than air, but quickly expanded.

  The ones with more bodily capacity in areas were still filling up in those places. All the ponies strained. They grew larger and larger. Thy pulsed oddly, squeezing in, squeezing out, but it all was mainly the now-difficult feat of breathing. No matter how anypony angled their selves, they were always squeezing tightly in a swelled-up crowd. Hide was always touching other hide, which Rainbow Dash was fine about, since she loved hugs. The sun was blotted out.

  All was dark, excepting the messed-up, flaming scraps of material that once made up the town hall, which wasn't literally a hall because of its strange shape.

  And then all the ponies exploded and everything caught flame because of how freaking hot the sun was.

The end...

(I need more words, I'm only doing this, doing this, 'cause I need these words, doing this, doing this, for the need of more words, two hundred more words, I hope you like words cause I need more woo-oo-oords. Can't submit, so I'm doing this, doing this, so that I don't quit, so I'll be doing this, doing this, I hope you like songs and I hope I'm not wrong, I hope it'll be accepted cause I really want to get this so I'm only doing this, doing this, for the need of more woooooords! *BAAAAM*.

  Oh, and those names?

  You'll find out in the next chapt- wait. Nope.

  Sorry.)

...Sort of.