One morning, Fluttershy decided that she wanted to make a special treat for Angel Bunny to eat. Last time she had gone to get ingredients for an Angel Bunny treat at the Ponyville market she had been taken advantage of by numerous ponies. And it was not the good kind of being taken advantage of either. You know, the kind that would get all the horny teenagers riled up and what not. But I digress.
Because of all the being taken advantage of stuff, she wanted to become more insertive… Oops! I mean assertive. So she went to Iron Will, the Jorgen Von Strangle of MLP, and got lessons in toughness and insertiveness… Dammit, I keep doing that! Anyway, blah blah blah, you know the episode.
So because of previous events, Fluttershy was hesitant about returning to the market and repeating the same plotline again--something that would surely cause every pseudo-critic/reviewer to get their panties in a bunch. But… I digress.
You’d think that this would be the end of the story, in which case it wouldn’t really be much of a story, but the little, shy, pink-maned, butterscotch yellow, timid-voiced, animal-loving, winged…
GET ON WITH IT!!!!!!!!!
Eh, yes well, Fluttershy did eventually muster up enough backbone to head into the town market. However, in her nervousness, she forgot to bring any bits with her so it looked like she would have to fly home again to grab her saddlebag. Unfortunately, this would mean that she would miss out on all the freshest ingredients and the rabbit would have to settle for stale fruits and vegetables… LIKE HE DESERVES! I HATE THAT FUCKING RABBIT! Ah. Ahem. Excuse me.
Anyway, Fluttershy turned back to her cottage, but paused when she saw a pony she’d never seen before in Ponyville. It was an Earth Pony stallion; he had a bright orange, curly mane and tail and his coat was chalk white. On his flank--not that Flutters was staring or anything--was a vintage looking microphone overlapping “80’s” written in bold black font.
What struck her most about the stallion wasn’t actually his appearance, but rather his voice. He was asking Applejack for a bushel of Sweet Apple Acres’ finest apples. She hadn’t heard such a sensually low voice since the last time she had Poison Joke. It made her heart go aflutter (pun intended) and she couldn’t help but to walk over to the stallion in an attempt to introduce herself.
“H-hello,” she whispered.
The stallion turned around to face her.
“Oh, hello there,” he said in his deep sexy voice. Fluttershy got a wingboner from it.
“Hi, I’m Fluttershy,” she said. “I couldn’t help but overhear you buying those apples there and I just thought your voice sounded amazing.”
“Why thank you, Fluttershy,” he said, adding, “That’s very kind of you to say.”
Of course it was a kind thing to say as the Element of Kindness was her forte. Though, if there was an Element of Cuteness she’d probably have that as well--it’s between her and Sweetie Belle. Yeah, I said it people! Wanna fight about it? Thought not.
“My name is Rick Roll,” he continued.
“It-it’s nice to meet you, Mr. Roll,” said Flutters.
“Please, just call me Rick,” he insisted. “And the pleasure is all mine, Fluttershy.”
“Oh, um… Okay,” she mumbled.
Several awkward moments of silence passed before Rick cleared his throat.
“Oh! Sorry…” she apologized. “It’s just that I’m not really that much of a talker.”
“Well I don’t see why not,” he said. “You’ve got a very sweet voice.”
“Thank you,” said Flutters, her voice barely audible.
The sexual tension between the two could’ve been cut with a knife even though they had only just met each other, but because this is a MLP fanfic where contrived romances are a dime a dozen it made total sense for the two to fall head over--well, whatever ponies have instead of heels--for each other. Yep, this is going to be that kind of fic… Are you not entertained?!
“So, uh, wanna show me around?” asked Rick. Y’know, since I’m new to Ponyville and all.”
Fluttershy nodded in agreement and the two set off for a tour of the town. As they trotted and chatted, Flutters learned that Rick was only going to be in town for the weekend because he was putting on a show with his generic-sounding pop band in the town square. She was a little disappointed that he wouldn’t be staying around longer so that she could seduce him with her cute demeanor and fuck him silly in her cottage while Angel recorded the whole thing because… well, why not?
Probably even more disappointed than Flutters were the many hormonal teenage bronies in their rooms getting out their fleshlights and/or dildos and preparing to imagine themselves in Rick’s place. Yeah, sorry guys, but someone has to save your keyboards and monitors from becoming anymore stickier than they already are. Seriously, Kleenex tissues can only clean up so much.
So, yeah. Where was I? Something about the two of them walking around town and seeing all the boring sights and stuff... Ah, yes! Here we go. This is where the main plot point of this tale kicks in.
Fluttershy and Rick Roll stopped to rest on a bench in town. And yes, it was the same one that Lyra sat on like a human, but no, they didn’t sit on it like she did. After a good spell of sitting and talking some more, Rick heard Fluttershy’s stomach give a low rumble. She blushed and hid in her mane, but Rick didn’t mind. In fact, he was feeling quite peckish himself.
He grabbed two of the apples that he had bought earlier that morning and offered one to Flutters.
“It’s not much of a lunch, but I hope it’ll hold you over until we get a real meal.”
“We?!” pressed Flutters, hoping she hadn’t misheard him.
Rick realized his slip-up, but in his hastiness to explain himself he choked on his apple.
“Oh my!” shouted Fluttershy as he coughed and spluttered, desperately gasping for breath.
Luckily, she had dealt with this type of thing before with little baby animals choking on their food. She went into beast-mode just like she did in that one episode where she fucked up that bear. With a swift buck to the stomach, Rick spat out the bit of apple that had been clogging his windpipe.
“Th-thank you, Fluttershy,” panted Rick, but it was obvious that something was wrong with his voice.
His hoof reached for his throat and rubbed against his Adam’s apple; it was incredibly sore.
“Oh no,” gasped Rick, his voice very raspy.
“What’s wrong?” asked Flutters nervously.
“I.. I can’t sing like this… and the concert is tonight… and...”
Before Rick could ramble any further and damage his voice more, Fluttershy put a hoof up to his lips.
“It’s alright. I think I know a way to help.”
Later that night, everypony gathered in the town square to listen to the concert because, honestly, there really wasn’t much else to do in the quaint little town. A stage had been set up in front of the town hall and Rick Roll was clearly visible on stage wearing a trench coat and dorky looking shades. Behind him were his backup mares dressed in tight black one pieces and there was even black stallion wearing suspenders and short pants.
Everypony held their collective breath as the stage lights came on and the song began.
Click here for pop music courtesy of the 80's!
Rick moved his lips before the microphone as he performed one of the best and simultaneously awful dances ever witnessed by pony eyes. The backup mares followed his lead while the dark stallion just kind of hopped around and did flips off the stage for no apparent reason.
Little did everypony know that while Rick danced and opened his mouth to the lyrics, the actual singing was being done by Fluttershy backstage; she had once again donned her Flutterguy ponysona by using Poison Joke on herself. She shook her little yellow flank to the synth-pop rhythm and sang with all her heart. She felt obligated to give Rick the best vocal performance of her life.
The concert didn’t last very long as Rick only performed the one hit number. Afterwards, the crowd’s reaction was pretty mixed, but Rick Roll felt that all had gone perfectly. He rushed backstage after the audience had finished their half-hearted applause to find Flutterguy.
“Oh thank you, Fluttershy!” Rick wheezed. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you!”
“Your welcome,” said Flutterguy. “I’m glad I could help you.”
The two of them stared lovingly into each other’s over-sized cartoon eyes before Rick Roll grabbed Flutterguy’s hoof and led her back to his hotel room where the two of them had slow, awkward sex. It was horrible… for everyone…and that includes you.
Rick and Flutterguy’s moans could be heard very clearly throughout the night and so from that day forth, everypony thought that Rick was gay.
Oh yeah, and Angel Bunny never got fed and consequently starved to death.
The end.
