Out of the Mirror

by Moowell

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Crossover, Human, Comedy
Length: 3991

Imagine yourself being trapped in a mirror by creatures more colorful and ridiculous than your uncle's vocabulary for something you had nothing to do with. Got the feeling? Now imagine getting back out.

Name's Andria, Andi for short. It was going to be the biggest event I had attended since grade-school graduation: The LA Con. Hundreds of weird people doing weird things all gathered in one place to celebrate their respective fandoms and fling searing insults at each other for three days straight. Everything was shaping up for a fantastic weekend.

Of course, Fate being the fickle b**** that she is decided that wasn't gonna fly. One purchase later, I found myself on the wrong side of reality, staring down at enemies more colorful and ridiculous than my uncle's vocabulary…

Ponies.

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Inspired by such stories as F*** it I'm Having Fun by Jimmy the Grape and other stories in the LoHAV group. Love what's going on there!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-03 16:57:54 UTC

Chapter 1

"Good Morning, Link."

That's DARK Link to you, you flippin statue. Green's not my color.

"Yes, yes, whatever. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I'm not a statue anymore!" Discord suddenly appeared in front of my mirror in all his mish-mashed lack of glory and started posing. "And I must say, I am looking good."

What?! How did you get out?

"Oh, just some foals who were having a little spat during one of the tours," the hodge-podge said casually. "Nothing special."

Hey, you mind letting me out? You have no idea how bad being a mirror sucks.

Discord raised an eyebrow. "Hmm. Not high enough." He plucked the brow and stuck it about a foot-and-a-half above his head. "There we go."

Please Discord. I've gotta get out of here!

"Tell you what, little lady. You prove to me that you had it worse than I did, and I'll set you free."

Alright. One: Statues are made of stone. Tough. Sturdy. You stood outside in the weather over a thousand years and you're still here. I so much as fall over, I'm doomed. Two: Ponies come to see the statues, not the mirrors. If those foals never stopped by to see you, you'd never be free. Three: Even if somepony DOES come to look at the mirror, they aren't actually looking at the mirror. They're too busy looking at themselves to see you making faces at them in the background. Four: You got bird shit while I got bat shit. The difference? Bird shit gets washed off by the rain. Bat shit festers all over my glass until somepony remembers I still exist. Do I need to continue?

Discord stroked his beard and nodded. "I think you do. I'm not entirely convinced yet."

I groaned. Five: Your environment changes over time so at least you get something like a show. I get to watch dust collect. Six: You got to be in a cool pose when you went down. My casing is forever flat. Seven: You at least kept your body. I'm less than an image. Eight: When I was trapped here, it was that time of month! You can't imagine what PMSing for a thousand years is like!

"Still not as bad as I had it."

You've got to be s***ing me.

"I'm not kidding. What could be worse than listening to you PMS for a thousand years?"

Oh, come on... What more do you want from me?!

"Alright, alright, fine." Discord snapped his claw. "There you go."

...Was something supposed to happen?

"Ah, but something did happen, my dear. I modified the enchantment so that it would break when the one who gave you your power returns. Ta-ta!" And just like that, Discord vanished into thin air.

When the one who ga-- ...SCREW YOU, DISCORD!

1064 years ago

"Andi! Hurry up, already! It started almost an hour ago!" That was Steph, short for Stephanie. She's my bestie from forever ago and the one who got me into Cosplay. I can't remember a time when we weren't together. Her favorite things in life are pizza, parties, pizza parties (especially pizza parties), holding things too high for me to reach even jumping, and causing a general ruckus among the boys at wherever she happens to be.

And with a body like hers, she was damn good at it.

We were going to the LA Con, and she'd gone all out Tifa. Eyes naturally big and green. Curly red hair dyed raven black and straightened. Boobs plump enough to boozle accentuated by leather suspenders lining her tanktopped torso. Long, firm legs on display for the masses with only her hiney covered by a black miniskirt and belt. Slender arms sporting black, skin-tight gloves. Hands covered by red fingerless gloves and feet in a matching set of boots. Not gonna lie, if she asked me to, I'd definitely tap that.

"You want me to hurry? Then help me find my ocarina! My costume isn't complete without it!" This is me, Andi, short for Andria. My favorite things in life are spending time with friends, giving Ganondorf the beatdown in all of his incarnations, and fighting off the boys gawking at Steph.

"Andi, come on! I'm sure some overpriced booth will have--"

"Found it! Alright, let's go." I stepped out of my room. "Well, how do I look?" I did a little twirl. Steph took one look at me, snickered, then fell to the floor in full belly laughter. "What? What's so funny?"

"You are! You're like a chibi medieval commando!" Tears streamed as she giggled mercilessly. "Oh my sides!"

"Hey, this is what Link would look like if he actually carried half the things he gets in any given game!"

Steph wiped her eyes. "God, I love you sometimes, Andi. Only you would kick a character like Link into hyperdrive."

I couldn't really say anything, so I just scowled and jabbed her in the love handles as we walked out to the car. It took me months of preparing and collecting the parts I needed to finish it. Black tunic, grey pants, black cap with a blue plume representing Roc's feather. Home-made, wood and pvc Master Sword, complete with a kick-ass black and silver sheath strapped over my shoulder by a belt. Two pouches on the back of my waist carrying a mock Ocarina of Time and the medallions from A Link to the Past. Over the sheath, a custom ordered Mirror Shield straight from OoT with a plastic cover to make it Hylian. I also rigged a slot on the back for storing the sword when I wanted to quickly grab another item. Attached to the belt on my chest, a small Windwaker and two masks: Twilight Princess's Hawkeye and, my personal favorite, Fierce Deity. Golden gauntlets on my hands, Ravio's bracelet up my arm. On my hips, the Rod of Seasons and a pair of spring-loaded Clawshots. Let's see... Fireshield Earrings. Pegasus Boots. Plastic versions of the Expert ring from the Oracles games (My favorite ring ever. There's something satisfying about killing moblins with a punch.) and the Grip ring from Minish Cap. To complete the costume, I wore a long sleeved slash-proof shirt and dad's covert stab-proof vest under my tunic. Overkill? People go crazy at Cons.

You never know when someone might knife you for their fandom.

Present Day

Noooooobody knooooows. The trouble I've seeeeeeeeen. Noooooobody knooooows the-- *crack* What the--? Another crack appeared in the mirror. Then another. Then myriads of cracks spider-webbed all across the pane until finally the mirror's enchantment exploded with a loud crash, flinging me outward into the room. I like to think my landing was... graceful, given the circumstances. Yea, let's go with that.

I peeled my face off the floor, then stood up, dusted off, and stretched. Oh, did it feel good to stretch again! To have limbs again! To feel myself breathing rather than just existing! To feel the movement in my-- Oh god, no...

Thank goodness for secluded corners. Saved me the need to clean my clothes.

I crept up to the door to the storage room and peeked through the key hole. Would you believe that somepony put up a wall right in front of the door? Made damn sure nopony ever came in here. No wonder I never got any company.

Just as I was about to open it, I heard a door slam on the other side. "News from Northern Equestria!" someone shouted with a gravelly voice. "Uh, your highness."

"Yes?" I know that voice. It was much younger 1000-some odd years ago, but there's no mistaking it. Celestia is here!

"I am simply to tell you that 'it' has returned."

She gasped. "Find Princess Cadence and Shining Armor!"

"Yes, your highness!" A multitude of hoofsteps suddenly clopped loudly, then faded into nothing.

"My dearest Twilight," I heard her say as the sound of a quill scratching parchment began. "You must come to Canterlot at once."

I pulled myself away from the keyhole. My sudden release plus the guard's message about the north could only mean one thing. Sombra was back.

1064 years ago

"We've only been here for 10 minutes, and you're already grumbling? Come on, Andi, enjoy yourself!"

I gave Steph a Look. "Easy enough for you to say, Steph. You're making every head turn, feeling that breeze blow across your skin while I'm out here cooking in my own clothes!"

"Well, that's what you get for choosing Link instead of Saria. It's just simple math, really. Can you guess what lots of black cloth plus lots of sun equals? Lots of heat, sweat, and complaining."

"I think I'm just gonna stay inside," I grumbled.

"Alright. Don't have too much fun without me!" she called as I reached the large glass doors. Just inside was a water fountain, so I walked over and got a quick drink. By the time I made it back to the doors though, Steph was already chatting up a Cloud and a Barret from Final Fantasy 7. I just threw my arms up and walked away. If she wanted to fry out there with people in her niche, who was I to stop her?

That's when I saw The Booth. Not just any booth. The Booth. A Zelda connoisseur's wet dream condensed into a single 10'x10' area. "Hail Adventurer! You are by far one of the most well equipped Links I have ever seen. Perhaps I can round out your arsenal?" I played it cool. Strutted over to the Happy Mask Salesman like the boss I knew I was.

And by strutted, I mean ran as fast as my little legs could carry me, squealing like I was back in grade school.

The shop had everything. Swords, bows, hookshots, rings, masks, shields, etc. etc. and so forth. In short, almost everything was something I had either already bought or built myself. It was hard to hide my disappointment. Then a glint caught my eye, shining off a small, spiky black crystal with the edges painted orange and looped with twine to make a pendant. "How much for this Shadow Crystal?" I asked, pointing out the object.

"Ah, you have a good eye, little adventurer! A good eye, and a true love of Zelda, as evidenced by your attire. For you, I will cut the price in half. Fifty dollars."

"F-fifty bucks?! Now listen here, you-!"

"There you are, Andi! I've been looking for you."

I whirled and pounced on Steph, clutching her at the waist in a bear hug. "Steph! Lend me fifty bucks!" She pulled me off her and looked at the crystal in my hands. She then put her hands on her hips and fixed me with her are-you-out-of-your-flippin-mind? look. "But Steeeeeeeph! It's a Twilight Princess Shadow Crystal! Pleeeeeeeease? I'll pay you with interest when we get home."

"Didn't you bring a hundred with you?" As soon as she asked the question, I hit her with the best wide-eyed pouty face I could muster. It seemed to work, 'cause after a couple seconds she sighed and raised her hands in defeat. "Fine, but only because you're so damn chibi." She forked over a fifty to the Happy Mask Salesman behind the booth.

"Thanks, Steph! You're the best!" I squeezed her one last time before looping the twine over my head. As I held it in my hand and looked at it, it seemed to glow darkness. I know this sounds crazy, but it really did. Suddenly, a black explosion of mist erupted, blasting everyone away from me. Now the crystal was REALLY going wild, emitting a deep purple aura as the cloud swirled around me. "Steph! Help me!"

"Andi!" The cloud condensed all around me, and the world went dark.

Chapter 2

Present Day

I quietly opened the door and poked my head outside. I could still hear the sound of a quill, so I plastered myself against the back wall and scooted across it silently. What had appeared to be another wall from the keyhole was actually a chair. A big chair, with a much bigger butt sitting in it than I remembered Sunshine ever having. 1000 some-odd years, and even the fittest of goddesses will let themselves go. Of course, I didn't tell her that. She flew out before I had the chance.

Fortunately, that left the room completely empty, giving me all the space I needed to explore unhindered. The area I found myself in was rather grandiose, but it seemed to be rather par for a throne room. Big banners hanging on the walls. A big throne at the end of a big, padded walkway. Big open doors at the entrance. With big hinges. And with big hinges comes big gaps between the wall and the big open doors. Big enough for me to fit through as a painting, anyway. And normally, I would.

Unfortunately, as cool as being a painting and moving in complete secrecy is, there are several problems with it. First, it takes a lot of stamina to maintain for extended periods of time. I can neither confirm nor deny that my stamina dropped a mite in the past millennium; however, I will say that you don't get much exercise as a mirror. Second, I would need the ability to actually become a painting again. To do that again, heck to do anything besides soil the floor again, I would need to do a bit of adventuring. Restore what was taken from me.

And by that, I mean my virginity.

I kid, I kid. I just needed to find my crystal.

1064 years ago

It couldn't have been more than a few seconds between when the cloud surrounded me and when it disappeared, but those were some of the longest seconds of my life. Shrouded in a black cloud with no sight, no hands to hold onto, no noise. Well, one noise. Some shrill, bloodcurdling screech bombarded my ears the whole damn time! Even when the cloud was finally gone, that painful sound continued.

Strangely enough, it only stopped once I ran out of breath. Fancy that.

Anyways, with that awful sound gone, I could finally focus on what was in front of me. In particular, a pair of horses - ponies maybe, seeing they're only slightly taller than me - with eyes as big as the palm of my hand staring at me. I say ponies, but that's only 'cause I don't have anything else to compare them to.

One was pink with a tri-colored mane/tail combo and had a narwhal's horn drilled into its forhead. The one mounting it was dark grey with a black mane and tail, also with a horn. My first thought was 'Wow... whoever spiked the water fountain brought the good stuff.' My second was 'Wait, mount--'

"Oh, come on! What the hell, brain?" I quickly turned away. Of all the things I would want to see in an acid trip, horses getting it on wasn't high on the list. There was a shuffling of short clops on the ground a second later. When I turned back, the pair had separated and were blushing angrily. Yes, blushing. Like I said, whatever that guy put in the water fountain was potent.

A little too potent.

"Ugh... brain, why do you torment me so?" I groaned as I looked at and under the grey stallion. Thankfully, brain was feeling accommodating and remedied the problem quickly. It even made the stallion blush that much harder through his scowl. Quite realistic for something so bizarre.

"Wh-Who are you?!" the pink one stammered. "Why have you come to my bed chambers?"

I just shrugged and shook my head. I've seen some pretty weird stuff after having my drinks spiked, and while talking technicolor horses doin' the nasty in front of a crystal backdrop was pretty high on the weirdometer, it didn't compare to my first high school party. Since then, I'd learned that the best way to cope with a trip was to just go with the flow.

I'm not a junky, I swear. People just spike my soda a lot.

"Sorry, didn't mean to barge in on you doin' the nasty. Say, you don't happen to know where the bathroom is, do you? I'm so stoned, you guys look like horses right now." If I was lucky, I'd be able to lock myself in a stall and ride this through without bothering anyone else.

Of course, I wasn't that lucky. The stallion's horn suddenly glowed brightly and shot a blast of red light directly into my gut. Like the ponies though, I call it light because I don't have much else to compare it to. Where light would just shine, whatever this was hit like a truck and sent me flying backward into the crystal wall.

"You enter our chambers, unannounced and uninvited, and ruin a moment of intimacy between me and my wife. Then you have the gall to call my Cadence a horse?!"

I barely had time to open my eyes before it fired again. I cringed, expecting to be smashed like a pumpkin strapped to a live crash dummy. This time though, it wasn't me that the beam struck, but my crystal.

Let me tell you, I thought getting hit by the light was bad, but getting hit by the dark... It felt like it pierced straight through to my heart. Then the pain spread into every nook and cranny of my body like a thick soup being carried through the blood stream. I couldn't imagine what must've been happening in reality to make me feel like this.

When the pain finally stopped, the crystal was spewing that same bubbly, purpley-greeny stuff from earlier over me like a geyser. The darkness seeped into my clothes and belongings, tainting them until I could literally feel its power in everything I owned.

And strangely enough, it felt good. I stood up and looked at my hands. Somehow, I felt stronger. Lighter. For someone my size, that's saying something.

"What are you? What manner of magic was that?" I saw the stallion's horn charging up again. "Answer me, creature!"

"Screw you! You want me to answer you after you shot me?" I pulled my shield off my back and uncovered its mirror just in time for him to shoot again, following a hunch. Since he was hitting me with light, then the mirror should send it right back. Hopefully with equal force.

What happened next caught me completely off guard. Instead of reflecting the blast back at him, my shield absorbed it and started to flash. I blinked. Then I grinned. Oh, this hallucination was getting better and better!

"Is that it?" I jeered. "Can't even make it past a simple shield?" The taunt worked like a charm, resulting in a larger blast and a faster-flashing shield. "Haha! Guess I was right about that!" I could almost see the steam coming from his ears as he charged up again.

"Sombra, it's provoking you! Don't let it--" The one called Cadence didn't have time to complete her sentence before Sombra fired his largest blast yet. But just like before, the shield absorbed every bit of it. And with three of them stored, my shield flashed rapidly.

"Hah! Eat it, son!" With a loud pewewewewewew, the shield blasted a red beam of magic at the ponies. A cyan forcefield shot up between the beam and the ponies just as it reached them. I could see Cadence's horn glowing and beads of sweat running down her face, but her magic held just long enough to block the beam before shattering. Then she collapsed.

"Cadence! You monster, what have you done?!" Sombra roared, glaring daggers at me.

"Well, obviously I just took all that power you wasted trying to shoot me and redirected it back at you as a concentrated beam of magic. Duh." I gave him my best you're-a-flippin-idiot look.

And barely managed to interject my shield between me and his horn as he tried to skewer me. With dexterity I never thought possible in quadrupeds other than monkeys, the stallion then turned on a single hoof, rooted himself to the ground, and bucked. Hard. I didn't fly as far as I did with the magic, but landing on my ass after being airborne has never been my thing.

As I glared down at him from against the wall, I happened to notice that my boots had wings. That my hands had gauntlets. That from head to toe, I was completely bedecked with equipment. I mean, I know I never lost my stuff, but only now did I realize I still had it. And if one of my items gained its actual powers from this hallucination...

Why not all of them?

1064 years ago, Cadence's PoV

Something is happening. I can hear noises, like somepony is fighting, but I can't move. I don't have enough strength. I tried to protect my husband from that creature's attack, but I don't know if I succeeded. My shield broke under its power. I never have enough strength. Is my husband still near? Is my Sombra still fighting?

He is here. He is still fighting that creature. I can hear his voice. He will protect me. He always protects me. I am thankful to him for caring of me, even though I am weak. I love my husband dearly.

What was that? Was that Sombra's cry? Something is touching my hooves. Something warm and soft. What is this laughter? It is not my husband's voice.

"Wh-who are you...?" Was that Sombra? His voice is so close to me. Why does he sound so weak? Has this creature felled him?!

"Who am I? I am the shadow of the hero, the one touched by darkness. I am the wielder of the winds, the seasons, and even time itself. I... am Dark Link!" Dark Link. Such a simple name for such a terrible foe. A name I will never forget. "Now seriously, can you tell me where the nearest bathroom is?"

"D-down the hall, to the l-left..."

"Great. Thanks!"

"Y-you are w-welcome..."

Oh Sombra, my love, your voice is so weak. Is it you too weak to speak, or me too weak to hear your voice? Either way, how could I let this happen? If only my shield had been stronger. If only I were as strong as you. Maybe then this would not have happened. Maybe then, we could have worked together to defeat this monster of darkness. But my shield was not strong enough. I was too weak. Too weak to help you, my husband, my Sombra, and you fell.

"I am sorry, Cadence. I could not defeat the one who slighted you."

I am sorry, Sombra. I could not help you further, and I only got myself injured.

"But I will grow stronger. I have been remiss with combat, for I believed I was the most powerful pony and could protect you from all harm."

But I will grow stronger. I never received training, for I believed you were the most powerful pony and would protect me from all harm.

"I was foolish. Never again will I make the same mistake."

I was foolish. Never again will I make the same mistake.

"That creature's strength was darkness. I will learn to use that power and become the strongest once again."

That creature's strength was darkness. I will learn to use the light to burn through that power.

"And once I have become the strongest, Cadence..."

And once I am strong enough to help you, Sombra...

"Geez, you guys really need to get better cleaning staff. I had to stand while peeing 'cause there was no way I was sitting down in there! Anyways, see you later, hallucinogenic horses!"

"I will defeat Dark Link!"

We will defeat Dark Link!