Dimensional nonsense

by Quote1114

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Dark, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 2389

A side story to Welcome Home. Perie and Howard have had some fun times together and apart in their eons of existence. They would like to share some of their experiences with you.

Perierat Ignis, Perie to her friends, Twilight Sparkle to those back in her home dimension of Equestria. Howard Quess, Archmage of reality and realities appointed keeper of knowledge.Both have lived for many eons so with that many years it should come as no surprise that they have both acquired some stories to tell. Side story to Welcome Home.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-22 08:40:03 UTC

Hangovers and Necromorphs [Massive Edit]

Perie jolted awake as she felt something drip on her head before sizzling away. Getting up she saw a strange looking humanoid figure with blades sprouting from its hands. They stared at each other for a few seconds before the humanoid started to run at her while gurgling. This was the point where a normal person, or pony as the situation called for, would panic and scream and perhaps beg to be spared, but Perie wasn't a normal pony. She was a pony who had trained for many eons under the watch of Howard Quess, Archmage of reality and realities appointed keeper of knowledge.

No mere necromantic fuck up would do her in, she had magic on her side. At least she would have magic on her side if she didn't have a brain splitting headache. Perie instead opted to punch the thing when it got close enough, turning it to a pile of ash at her hooves. Perie sat down as she tried to remember the events that had led to her hangover and placement in this macabre universe. It had been the eon festival, that much she remembered. Jales had come for a visit and Perie had challenged him to a drinking competition a few months into the festival. Somewhere around ten thousand drinks later she was struggling to keep her balance while Jales just laughed saying something about having felt something with that last drink. Perie vaguely remembered blacking out after that.

Apparently she had thought it would be a good idea to try some universal travel and now she woke up here, in this cramped metal box with a abomination of magic running at her. 'ughh, might as well make to most of it and learn what this place has to offer.' Walking out of the metal room she found herself in a long corridor covered in blood, the occasional dead body littering the hall. What a mess, Perie thought as she walked along.

A couple hours later, Perie had racked up a kill count of around fifty, and had even lost most of her hangover, wait no, there it was again. Perie recognized the subtle traces of mind altering magic in the air and had a hunch it was the reason her hangover was persisting. 'New goal, find the source of the cerebramancy and incinerate it.' With her head pounding Perie turned the corner only to bang her head on a tall figure in a metal suit.

Isaac Clarke was about to turn the corner when some sort of small winged fire horse thing bumped into his legs. Not wasting time Isaac aimed his plasma cutter at the thing and fired. The ionized plasma hit the small winged horse and appeared to just absorb into it. It looked down at the spot it was hit with its fire ball eyes before looking back up at him, the fire that made up it's eyes narrowing. It raised one of its black coated hooves towards him, it started to glow purple before flickering and going out. the thing let out a grunt and held a hoof to its head.

It started to walk past him while isaac stood in shock. While it was passing it hit Isaac in the shin, knocking him out of his trance as the pain of the burns coursed through him. Looking down he saw the metal glowing a dull red. Turning around he gave one last glance to the small horse thing as it turned another corner. Something told him it wouldn't be the last he saw of the thing.

Perie thought back to the strange man she had seen earlier. He annoyed her. The plasma that he tried to harm her with was a laughable attempt at an attack but it had kept her from killing him. The guy was probably a survivor and was just jumpy. Thinking back Perie started to feel guilty, she had acted childish. After hesitating for a second Perie let out a mental sigh before turning around to help the metal suited survivor.

Most of the mutants stayed out of her way while she walked down the corridors in an attempt to find the guy. The necromantic failures had learned that she could kill them with a flick of her hoof and that any attempt at clawing at her would result in spontaneous combustion.

Now that Perie had identified the source of her continued headache she could put up some mental barriers in an attempt to stop the mental intrusions. It wasn't much but at least it took the edge of the headache and she could preform some low level spells, one of which was conjuring vodka. Not powerful enough to cause any sort of buzz but it was flammable so it could make for some flashy tricks, plus the taste would be nice. Altering some of the spells that kept her deity form up she magiced herself a mouth and internal furnace to burn away that which was swallowed.

Taking a sip Perie reveled in the burn before belching up some fire. Letting out a laugh Perie continued her journey. Perie still couldn't understand why some of the people back home called her an alcoholic.

Isaac ducked a claw swipe as the hunter continued its pursuit. He was getting frustrated and more than a bit frightened, the hunter had gotten out of every attempt he made at frying the thing with the thrusters of the ship in the middle of the room. He was running low on ammo and the stasis refile station had been broken by one of the necromorph's claw hands as it flailed about while running at him.

Both Isaac and the hunter paused as light humming was heard. The locked door that led out of the room started to glow red, than white, and then it turned molten and became a puddle on the ground. The small winged horse thing from before walked through the hole in the door with what appeared to be a half empty bottle of vodka floating in a flaming glow. A matching flaming glow encompassed the front right hoof of the horse thing. With a flick of it's hoof the bottle floated to its lips, which Isaac could have sworn weren't there before.

After a couple swigs the small horse hit it's chest in a motion that shouldn't have been possible with equine anatomy and belched up a pillar of fire that encompassed the hunter that had started to run at it. The hunter writhed on the floor as fire encompassed it. The small horse looked down at the thing, looked at the bottle, than smirked. The fire around the bottle intensified for a second and the bottle of vodka started to glow a bright white.

The bottle was thrown at the hunter and when it impacted an intense ball of fire erupted from the impact sight. Isaacs eyes still hurt and he watched the whole thing occur from behind a visor.

"Hehe, sorry about that. Didn't expect the flash to be so bright."

Isaac blinked. Turning slowly he looked at the small winged horse. "Did... Did you just talk?"

"Yeah... though I can hardly believe thats whats tripping you up in this whole situation." The front right hoof of the horse started to glow again, this time a soft purple. Another bottle of vodka started to materialize in front of the small horse. Pointing the bottle at him the thing said, "Care for a drink?

Perierat was the name that the horse, excuse me, pony had given Isaac after they sat down for a few drinks next to the puddle that was the hunter. Now that things were less hectic he could get a good look at the pony that had saved him. She (Isaac assumed it was a girl based on the voice) had a black coat with white fire for hair on her mane and tail, along with the feathers of her wings. Perierat said they were actually violet but he couldn't see it because of his "sadly lacking color viewing capabilities". Along with that she had some very creepy balls of fire for eyes, Perierat had to agree with him on that point.

Isaac couldn't believe the story of how she got here at first but after a few convincing arguments he had to relent and believe.

"If you have a hangover than why are you drinking vodka?" Isaac asked.

"This stuff," Perierat said gesturing at the vodka, "is basically spicy water for me. If you want some real alcohol you head over to Jales' city. Place has some seriously strong booze."

"I'll take your word for it."

After heading their separate ways Perie continued her search for the source of the cerebramancy here. The information she got from Isaac was somewhat helpful. Apparently something called the marker was causing all the chaos on this starship. Perie stopped at one of the windows that showed the endless expanse of space. Far below the ship was the planet where they had dug up the marker... that place could have some information.

Perie Took a few steps away from the window for a running start before melting the supports of the window away. Galloping at full speed Perie jumped at the window, popping it out of the wall. The vacuum gave Perie the thrust she needed to start her decent towards the planet below. A loud crackling noise filled Perie's ears as the communication device Isaac had given her started up.

"Perie! What the hell is going on over there?!"

"Oh hi Isaac. I just jumped out of the Ishimura and am now hurtling towards the planet below to look for some information."

"Are you insane! That fall will kill you!"

Perie laughed, "Its not the fall its the moment when you suddenly stop falling. Do you really think I can't handle a bit of sudden deceleration? Your lack of faith is highly disturbing Isaac."

Hanging up, Perie relaxed and enjoyed the feeling of fire surrounding her as she entered the atmosphere. A few minutes of falling later Perie noticed that she wouldn't land near the base as planned but instead the giant hole next to it. Not feeling like using her wings Perie just shrugged and let the darkness of the pit shroud her vision.

Perie landed hard. Squishy or not the thing she had landed on would be hurting in the morning. A loud groaning filled the pit as five glowing yellow orbs started looking at her. Deciding that she really didn't like mysterious glowing orbs staring at her Perie casted a few magelights around the pit. What she saw didn't impress her. There was a webbing of fleshlike material all around the pit and connected to that webbing was a giant worm like creature. Sighing Perie just stood still as the thing ate her.

Isaac's day had turned farther to shit ever since Perierat had jumped down to the planet he currently stood on. He had been betrayed by Kendra, lost the marker, and now was facing of against a giant tentacle covered worm beast. Firing a few shots at the glowing eyes around its mouth Isaac wondered where Perierat could be. As Isaac was distracted one of the things tentacles wrapped around his leg lifting him in front of the maw of the worm.

Isaac lifted his weapon only to have it batted out of his hand by another tentacle. "DO IT! DO IT YOU FUCKER, I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO LIVE FOR ANYMORE NOW THAT YOU KILLED EVERYTHING I LOVE!" Isaac started to rant at the creature as it lifted him towards its mouth.

Any plans the worm had of eating him were cut short as a like of flame escaped from its mouth. Isaac stopped his ranting to look on as more and more fire started to pour out of the worms mouth. The hive mind dropped Isaac on to the ground as it tried to get rid of the flames. It appeared to work for a second as the fire died down only to be replaced by a pulsing orange glow. The glow grew brighter and pulsed faster as the seconds passed by. The glow started to flash like a strobe light before stopping and being replaced by an overwhelming heat.

Hive mind started to turn black as it was crisped. Small holes started to get appear as in the hive mind that gradually got bigger. In one flash the build up's tension was released as the worm was turned to base atoms by the small sun that had just been created in its stomach.

Crawling over the edge of the pit was one Perierat, covered in a slime that was rapidly shrinking as the heat melted it. Trotting over to Isaac they both collapsed next to each other. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Isaac jumped up, suddenly remembering the piece of planet falling towards them.

"Don't worry Isaac." Perie said, point up, " that wont be falling until I tell it to." True to her word the planet shard hung in the air like a christmas ornament. "As much as I would like to stay like this, I really have to be heading home. I suggest you make your way to some semblance of civilization as well Isaac."

Perie got up and made a gesture. A small tear appeared in front of her. "Farewell Isaac, may we meet again some day." And with that she walked into the portal and disappeared.

Looking up at the chuck of rock in the air, Isaac made his way to the shuttle.

Perie let out an exhausted groan as she plopped down a couch in her tower, Ready to enjoy a few hours of silence. She had no doubt she would pay Isaac a visit one day but right now she rested. She shook her head a bit thinking about how Isaac would probably be institutionalized as crazy after today.

The piece and quiet of the room was shattered as Howard burst into the room looking like a foal on Hearth's warming. ‘Pack your things Perie were going on a road trip!’

And with a light blue flash the room was empty.