Eye of the Trickster: The Glorious Deception

“Oh princess! I wasn’t expecting you!” exclaimed the pony.

“I didn’t mean to startle you, Chef Blitz. I was just checking in for a late dessert tonight. I have some company coming to the castle, and need a special dish made in celebration. I hope you’re fully stocked this evening?”

“Of course, Princess. We received a shipment of food today, and the pantry is completely full, as well as the reserves in the cellar. What do you need made for these?...”

“Its just one guest tonight. I expect he’ll be here shortly. This is a silly question, but could you know the recipe for Lemon Sugar Cake?”

There was some mutual laughter. I could hear them moving away from the entrance to the kitchen. This was going to be a long night.

As I hung here from the ceiling, I could only occupy my mind with silent thoughts. The occasional guard patrolled below. But if the princess was oblivious, there was no chance in Tatarus they would ever find me. I waited there for what must have been 10 minutes, lazily timing the one guard posted to patrol this corridor. It took him around 180 seconds to reach the end of the corridor and out of sight, and another 234 seconds to reappear at the other end. He must have been oblivious to his proximity to the Princess, because at every intersection, he levitated a flask hidden underneath his armor to his lips and took lazy swigs. I smirked. This castles security is a joke. They’re lucky I’m not an Assassin.

The corridors in Canterlot castle were quite exquisite. Though they had one vital security flaw, sacrificed for aesthetics. The large, rather tall corridors, if not properly lit, were easy to hide in. The windows shone moonlight down on the floor, while up above, in the darkness of the ceiling, one could hide quite easily if you had the correct tools. And after 8 years of my trade, this place was a sinch. It only took me two years before I settled in this strange, yet familiar land. becoming my home. Not entirely by choice mind you. But home was home.

I could hear the Princess and Chef approach the door. I lowered myself a little more, ready to take my prize. I was a Master Thief, and I would get what I had been paid to steal. Without anyone, even this god-like figure ever knowing.

I was a bit apprehensive about this job though. The item I had to steal was quite tricky, and a great deal riskier than normal. Though the money I was promised was well worth the risk.

Letting my hand slowly loosen, I lowered closer and closer towards the door to the kitchen. The warm light shone out, slightly killing my night vision. I glanced at the roof, making sure it wouldn’t be a problem. It was fine. It was always fine.

“Thank you for your time, Lemon Blitz. I hope I’m not being too much of a bother. especially at this time of night!”

“Please, your majesty. It is my honor to serve you. Any day of the night!”

“I’ll return to my quarters now. Have a nice night!”

“Thank you, and same to you Princess.”

The hoofsteps grew louder, and sure enough, the Great Horse stepped outside, her regality stunning, even to myself. Atop her head was my quarry. Glistening and shining, even in the dark.

She looked to her left, and her right, as if pondering something. I took this as my chance. I held my breath, letting the rope slip steadily between my limbs, still silent as ever. I reached out with both hands, my legs now taking the rope. Slowly… slowly… slo- OH SHIT

“Princess, I just have one last question!”

I scampered back up the rope, maintaining my noiselessness. I slipped away my dagger, and quickly assumed my ready position on the rope again. This is definitely going to be one long night.

She turned back into the room, leaving all but her rump exposed. They continued to chat, when I received an epiphany. Why not the tail hair? The contract didn’t specify which hair…

I tuned their chatter out, only really listening for when they might adjourn again. I lowered myself to stand just behind her, silent as ever. As I landed, her ears swiveled behind, but she didn’t move. I held my breath, waiting for her full attention to return to the rambling Chef. I quickly moved my fingers, gingerly separating a few of the ethereal threads from their companions, I lifted the dagger, and made a swift motion, separating the hairs. Perfect.

“Princess!...”

I looked up, and found the Chefs gaze meeting mine. He fearfully shivered, before a scowl adorned his face.

Oh fuck, He's going Manmode! Think fast!!!

I moved, as silent as ever. I juked him out, running to the side, as if fleeing down the corridor. As I went out of sight from the Chef, I scuffed my way up the wall, hanging myself above the door yet again. They would never know...

The Chef pushed past the Princess, his expression dire as he gawked at the corridor he had thought I escaped down. But there was no way any creature could move that quick and he knew it.

“I saw! I saw… I…” he shook his head, as if clearing spiderwebs from  his face. He just stood there in disbelief, while the Princess looked on in confusion.

“What?! What did you see?”

“A monster!… no.” He face-hoofed “I- I’m just a bit tired is all. Just a bit weary from today.” He sighed then laughed. The Princess giggled with him. If stealth wasn’t such a priority, I might have snuck a little giggle myself.

“Well, I hope you aren’t so weary for this task. If you need to wake some of the Kitchen hands, I’ll cover their wages for you.”

“No, no. Its no trouble at all, my Princess. Just a little tired. I might grab a Brandy though.”

They laughed heartily again, finally saying their proper goodbyes. The Chef returned to the kitchen, the sounds of pans and bowls being arranged indicated he was already getting to work. Though the Princess started heading back down the corridor. She lingered for a time, watching the moon outside the lavish windows. The guard finally came around the corner, startling himself as he realised who was standing there. He swiftly saluted, only returning to his patrol when she lazily acknowledged him, still watching the moon from where she stood.

It was a good five minutes before she left, the guard had startled himself the second time he had seen her still standing. Watching. Almost as if she was waiting for something…

She walked onward, finally giving my chance to leave. That groggy guard would give me no trouble, his mind too fogged to notice any particularly mobile shadows out the corner of his eyes.

I silently skulked down the twisting maze that was Canterlot Castle, occasionally opening doors and glancing inside to see if I could grab any valuables lying around. This fashion season was rubies, and not just red polished stones either. This season was Fist-Sized Ruby season. Necklaces left on wardrobes with Rubies the size of my eyes, their silver fittings alone worth a good price. I had gone through 6 rooms, receiving a good 10 necklaces worthy of my attention. I came across a room only occupied by small orange filly. Though I didn't care much for morality, I decided I had more than enough loot, to spare this foal the heart-crushing experience of waking up to a burglary. Besides, the crown sitting on her bedside table was a cheap replica . I could tell straight away that the star-shaped ‘gem’ was nothing but stained glass.

I continued down the hallway till I came to my designated broom closet. I quickly let myself in the claustrophobic room, just missing a guard patrol. A small sack sat in the corner, half-full of strips of fabric, the other half being valuables  wrapped in said fabric strips.

I quickly removed the necklaces from my pockets, expertly wrapping my acquired items so they would make no noise when moving the sack around.

I rummaged through, finding the small vial I was provided for my job proper. Some crazy old noble-pony had asked me to steal some of  Princess Twilight's fair hair. I thought the job was a bit odd, but the money he was paying was crazy. I had obtained a total of four threads of hair. The strands were beautiful, as they still shimmered with all their original lustre, and would do so for all time. I was about to stuff them into the glass, when I stopped myself…

I removed one from the bunch, and placed it back into my pocket. A souvenir for such a risky job. And well earned too.

I removed a few tools from my kit, placing them back in the bag. I needed as light a load as possible at all occasions, and this broom closet would make for a perfect temporary stash till sunrise. The expensive silk rope I had used would serve no purpose now, so I put it back in the sack, as well as the enchanted dagger I had used to cut the hair. I never needed daggers for any other reason but to either scare off ponies that gave me trouble, or to help pry open objects. Killing wasn’t my thing, and never would be. I was a Master Thief, not a murderer.

I grabbed the quiver out of the sack, strapping it to my person, as well as removing my bow from its tubing, and stringing it. I had a dozen water arrows, and would probably need them for my next trek out into my playground. Swiftly placing the rest back into the sack, I headed out, still keeping count of the seconds that past as I exploited every blind spot the patrol had.

Through the corridors, I managed to haul a few more valuables. I was always delighted when I found rings that fit me. To ponies, they were almost always ornaments, rather than proper accessories. Horn rings for Unicorns were never worth the risk, as they often carried with them residual magic. This was problematic for two reasons. One: they were VERY easy to track, and Two: They had a tendency to explode when placed in a sack with a bunch of other jewelry. Most of the rings I did pocket were mostly imports or souvenirs from the Griffon kingdoms. And sometimes, there were minotaur rings too.

I was wandering about aimlessly, letting myself relax as I had worked out that there were no patrols in this wing of the castle. The princess valued her privacy, and I respected that. Because that left me to wander around without a care in the world.

I turned a corner, when It caught my eye. The great double doors were slightly ajar, the fire from within leaving ghostly shadows dancing across the walls outside. I shook my head, trying to free myself of the greed and curiosity. Bad- Dumb idea… Just keep going… No- No, Stop you bloody… I sighed. It wouldn’t hurt just to have one peek. I quickly skulked down the hall. The doors were just open enough for me to peek inside. I pulled my hood down, letting me get a better angle, as I watched and waited.

I had seen the inside of this room before, but every time it was breath-taking. The carpet lining the floor was intricately woven, The patterns of swirls and such twining into each other. Every wall was a bookcase, the great personal library possibly putting every other library in the land to shame, besides the Canterlot Archive. But that was only a flight of stairs away regardless. Fabrics of many hues hung from the ceiling, gently boughing in the centre before all rising to different points, further continuing the swirling motif of the suite.

After 30 seconds, I gently pushed with one hand on the door, its well-oiled hinges gliding noiselessly. I quickly swapped places, my back placed against the still closed door. I peeked with my Mechanical eye, Its gaze quickly adjusting to the light difference.

The fire pit was ablaze, its warmth lighting the entire room. This would make sneaking around quite difficult, unless you had a knack for moving with the waves of shadow that boiled with the flames.

In the middle of the room was a large pillow, unoccupied as a book also lay there, still open from its now vacated owner. I had made sure she had returned before I went to the broom closet. But she must have left again. this would make any attempt here quite tricky. I double checked, making sure that she wasn’t out on the balcony, or even waiting nearby for myself to enter. But that was impossible for sure. She definitely hadn’t noticed me before.

I quickly bounded across the room, the combination of my soft leather boots and the carpet making my stealth effortless. I found a small dresser next to the colossal bed, its contents brimming with jewelery. I quickly sorted through the items, testing with my tongue every item to make sure it had no tracking enchantments on it. The telltale zap of electricity was a dead giveaway to magical enchantments on metal objects. More than half did, but I took the rest.

I gave a cursory glance to the many books on the shelf, not many particularly caught my eye, considering I already possessed most of them. Two, however, did catch my eye. ‘Magical Lock Mechanics and Enhancements for Advanced Security Vol.6’, the only volume from the series I was missing, and A Cook-book labeled ‘Meats from the Southern Wastes - A Chef's Guide’. Some rather questionable material for the ruler of a society of Herbivores, but hey, I wasn’t here to judge. Not even close.

The sound of distant hooves graced my ears. I quickly stuffed the books into my sack, and made for the balcony. I looked around, searching for something to hold on to. But the castle walls were almost perfect. Shitfuck…

I could hear the sound of voices now, it seemed the guest had arrived, and she was prepared to entertain. Tonight iss going to be a very very long. I realised I should have kept my rope. It would have come in handy for this situation, but I had to compromise. Luckily, I had developed quite the upper-body strength and endurance over the past few years, and hanging from the balcony would be easy If I needed too. For now, though, I would just have to climb up onto the stone railing, and wait.

Slowly now, the two echoing trots died down, as the Princess and her guest entered the area. They chattered idly, but I could have sworn I had heard that voice somewhere before.

“Was there anything else for tonight Princess Twilight?”

“No, that will be everything, Thank you!”

“My pleasure. I’ll be adjourning for some sleep now. If you need anything- anything at all, do not hesitate to wake me!”

A very very very long night...

He trotted out, closing the door behind him with a thud. I waited, holding my breath as I heard the Princess move about. I could hear the gentle hum of magic, and the subtle clinking of cutlery. It seemed she had received her Lemon Cake, and was waiting for her guest.

A good fifteen minutes passed as I waited there. I realised that I could have been there all night, so I settled down, reclining against the wall as I still sat atop the stone railing. It had me wondering who this guest was, and at such a late time of night. Not even mentioning the state of security. This guest must have been important, or at least, she didn’t want too many ponies knowing… But… she let the Chef know. Well, at least know that there was infact a guest coming. I was no expert on social ladders, but I had a feeling that a Chef would be a gossip hub…

Another fifteen minutes passed, as I became more and more bored. I swung my leg rhythmically over the rails, remaining silent, but at least letting my body do something monotonous to state my boredom. There hadn’t been any noise for the past half hour, which said to me that she was sitting there, waiting and reading. My mind once again began to wander, pondering who her guest could be.

I don’t recall any ‘going on’s’ last time I was at the guild. Perhaps something slipped through intelligence… Or maybe… No. Thats a dumb idea, and she doesn’t even know you’re here. And what business would she have with you anyways. Besides, Its been half an hour, and she hasn’t even indicated whether or not she knows you’re here. She could be toying with you, and It wouldn’t be- I don’t even know…

Thirty minutes more, and nothing had happened. I wanted to risk a peek into the room, but I decided against it. I settled instead for reading the cook-book. If she knew I was here, I would have been in the dungeon already. It was then, after more monotonous counting of seconds and reading on the subject of spicing and properly salting squirrel meat that I heard stirring from inside.

Soft steps came in my direction, and I scrambled to hide. I slid the book back into the sack, and quickly let myself hang down below the balcony. I had a split second of vertigo, as I realised how far away the world was below the great mountain city. I held onto the many decorations of the half-dome below, holding my breath as the sounds of hooves on stone confirmed my suspicion. As if you’d be having a gander at this time of night-

My heart surged into my throat as I watched her, slowly, peek her head over the edge, right where I was. She gazed down at me, her Violet eyes piercing through the darkness, as they watched me with alien understanding and thought.

Her expression was a scowl, as she studied my face. My Hood was down, but my Half-Balaclava hid my gut-wrenching expression of terror. ...I’m fucked……

“Well, are you coming in or not…..”

“...I- ...I beg your pardon?”

“I have Lemon-Sugar Cake, and some Chai Tea waiting. You’ve been out here for nearly an hour…”

She disappeared, returning to her room, as I just hung there, thousands of feet above Equestria, trying to figure out what had happened…

I hauled myself up, resigning to my defeat and eventual imprisonment. I was going to make the most of this, and Lemon-Sugar Cake was my favorite. Thats probably not a coincidence either.

I entered the room cautiously, circling the Princess like she was a crouching lion, ready to pounce. Trying not to make any hasty movements that would betray my neutrality in the situation. Princess Twilight was already back on her large custom sitting cushion, reading the book she had left alone. She slowly sipped a small cup of tea from a lavish tea set, the matching spoons, Teapot, Tea-cups and plates all had obsidian swirls painted on, again continuing the motif of her room. My mind instinctively calculated what that would sell for on the Black-market, but all that wouldn’t matter soon.

Her plate was almost clean, a fork lay diagonally, a few yellow crumbs sat as remnants of her already eaten slice of cake. A large, freshly-baked Lemon-Sugar Cake sat in the centre of the table, its decorative mastery a testament to the skill of the Castles Chef. A small, human chair sat across from where she read, a plate with a slice of the cake ready to go, some tea poured as well. That creeping feeling had hit me right in the face. This was a bloody setup…

I began to scowl, my feelings of betrayal getting the better of me. I sat down with a huff, dropping my bow and quiver to the ground. I folded my arms and pouted like a child. This was complete bullshit. The guild probably tipped the Princess off. Those dirty ponies were always jealous of my skills, and my superior situation, as comparing a human to a pony in terms of stealth, there wasn’t much competition. Their best thief was leagues below what I could pull off.

I continued to leave my gaze on the floor. I could smell the cake, the baked wonder was still slightly warm. I dared a glance over the table, noticing that Princess Twilight had stopped her reading, instead studying me intently. I quickly looked away again.

“Please, this cake is for you; A peace offering! And no, its not poisoned or drugged. You and I both know that I could have half the castle in this room in a minute if I dared a scream…”

I gave her my best stink-eye. Elevating my look of displeasure. She was in control. And I was well and truly boned.

I grabbed the fork, its odd handle awkward to grip, but I managed. I pulled down the Balaclava, and ate the cake. It was fucking delicious, and I hadn’t eaten in a day. I finished the cake, licking my lips. A continued to take advantage of the situation and drank the tea too. All the while, the Princess watched me intently.

After I finished, I replaced my Balaclava and hood, keeping my face darkened. She nodded and began, lifting a scroll and quill with her magic.

“Now, this is going to be a bit odd, considering our rather differing opinions and ethics. But I had discussed it at length with The other Princess’, and after some convincing, they agreed. Your record for no physical harm is quite legendary, even if you do hang out with the unsavory types who do do such things…”

I huffed in amusement, slowly rocking at the sudden brief laughter. This wasn’t a setup. Worse, this was a proxy job for someone who wanted off the records. If the guild found out about this, they’d have my head for sure.

“And just to clear a few things up, though you almost have certainly figured out most of this already. I was the pony who paid you for the hair. though, It looks like you haven’t completed the job….” Her magic quickly swept over my clothes and loot-sac, looking for the strands of hair I had taken. she looked disappointed, but I smirked.

“I have them… Just not here.” She flinched as I spoke. Ponies seemed to be allergic to my Baritone voice, as if I oozed evil. Which might have been true, but it certainly wasn’t intentional. She nodded, understanding. She quickly wrote some notes down on her parchment. I just waited. If I somehow weaseled my way out of this, I was definitely hitching the next ride to Manehattan.

“And, before we consider your application. We just need a few clarifications on your methods. As you can probably tell, hiring Public-enemy #1 for a job is a rather controversial act, that requires a huge level of secrecy, as well as a discrete amount of leverage. So, giving you the only ultimatum necessary in this situation, we will require you to comply, otherwise we will have to imprison you on the charges of theft, breaking and entering, grand larceny, petty theft, trespassing, breaking and entering, exploitation: including bribery of royal staff, and inciting treasonous acts against the royal equestrian monarchy, including bribery, direct treason, disobeying orders for banishment, and the theft of military secrets, as well as magical super-weapons. For a grand total of 3’072 years of imprisonment, with a permanent payroll solution upon cessation of your time in prison. Normally in this kind of situation for immortal or other-worldly subjects, we would just turn you to stone. But none of your crimes are that serious. Especially considering that ‘magical super-weapon’ was only turned into a lawn ornament after you sold it to the black market.

“So, If you successfully perform this job for us, and agree to stop and reform your ways, we’ll pardon you of all crimes, and grant you a place to live in Canterlot as a permanent advisor of security for Canterlot Castle.”

I was in shock. Not because of how easy I had gotten off, but because this was complete and utter bullshit. She was acting like I had a say in the matter, when I clearly had none. This wasn’t even funny, but she just sat there, grinning like a bloody idiot.

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose with my fingers. It had been a long night, and this entire situation was going to ruin my week. I quickly evaluated methods of escape. But none seemed plausible. But there was no way in hell he was going to take an impossible job. I’d prefer a lengthy, possibly overcome-able prison term to a suicidal death-trap of a mission.

“What exactly is this job then?”

“She levitated over a book, opening it to a bookmarked page with her magic and dropping it in front of me. Illustrated on the page where a set of 6 necklaces, each with a shapely gem and corresponding colour. One I had seen this very night, A tiara by the looks of it. The page was labeled “Elements of Harmony” a name most people knew well from folk-lore. These were Super-Weapons in themselves. And as far as I knew, they were still here in the Castle.

I had a good look at the diagrams, making note of all the very specific features detailed for the items. Princess Twilight wanted me to steal these, and If I needed to make sure that they were authentic, I would be able.

“Thats interesting... I thought you had already possessed these. If I’m not mistaken, behind that Brazen-Lock Gate in the Throne room…” I sneered.

She nodded in agreement, then looking sad. I saw her gaze shift to where a painting was hanging on the wall behind me. I remembered where it was, but not much about the canvas’ content. I had already discerned that It held no monetary value beyond being possessed by the Princess. And normally objects that held more personal value than actual value were hard to sell. Especially if they belonged to someone who could throw you in a dungeon on a whim just for possessing it.

She looked back to me before speaking. “They were stolen a month or two ago, by the Arch-Mage and War Criminal Unicorn, Sombra. As you may, or may not know, they hold a rather important role in the defense of Equestria as a whole. Now that you know the few details...”

I tuned her out, something at the archway to the balcony caught my gaze. A flutter of movement told me that some flying creature was listening nearby. They risked a quick glance, and confirmed my suspicions. Perhaps tonight won’t be as long as originally anticipated.

I interrupted her speech on purpose. Stretching my arms and yawning very loudly. She began to scowl, realising that I had become quite cocky. I pulled my balaclava down from my face, letting her see the smirk that I wore like a badge of freedom. She began to stir, getting up from where she was sitting.

“Terribly sorry, my good Princess, but I have quite a busy schedule tonight, and its already late as it is. I’ll be taking my leave, if you don’t mind.” Her venomous look was scary.

She could put me on my arse in the blink of an eye, literally. But I knew she wouldn't do anything hasty. she had already spilled her guts, and I knew that she needed me.

“What- are you talking about. You’re trapped here. Nevermind the locked doors, I can have half the castle in-”

“-in this room in a minute if you dared a scream. Yes, thats very clever. But that won;t matter if I’m gone’

Just as I proclaimed my safety word to my companion over in the dark. A little orb rolled into the room, slowly coming to a stop between me and the Princess. I closed my eyes, and pressed both hands over my ears.

“What on earth is…”

*BOOM*

Great blinding white light pierced the room. The sound deafening. Princess Twilight shook her head in a daze, trying desperately to return her wits. She attempted to cast some spell, to catch me or cure her blindness, I didn’t know. But I could hear the tell tale sound of a magical spell fizzling out. She cursed some words, even harsh to my hardened ears screaming profanities as I barged past her.

“My magic. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY MAGIC!!!?!?!?”

I quickly grabbed the teleportation orb the Pegasus beyond the shadows offered me, removing my gloves and firmly pressing both my palms to its cool surface. I watched as she stumbled about her room, in confusion, but mostly rage.

“SCIENCE BITCH!”

I pressed down with both arms, cracking the orb and releasing the charged spell. My world became colours as a stream of colours swarmed in all directions. Hot and cold flushed over my body, pulsating till after a few seconds of pure psychedelic euphoria, I was dumped back into the real world.