One month before the Summer Sun Celebration.
I've decided to write my thoughts in this journal. I've been having these strange dreams and thoughts that even I can’t explain. They just involve me…in the dark…forever…and a nasty cackle. In Tia’s voice I believe. Could it be due to the defeat of Sombra? I have felt…uneasy…I want to talk to Celestia about it. But she's always busy. Busy with those stupid worshipers of hers. Where's mine then? She hates me. She'd rather push me away. She doesn't want to talk to me about my problems! She’d just make me see the psychologist or something. Anything to avoid me…Did…did I just write that? No, no, Celestia loves me…she’s just busy. Yes, she’s just busy…
I sighed and packed my journal and quill away. I'd have to talk to Celestia, no two ways about it, however much I despised the thought of her just sending me away. I trotted out of my room, nodding to the guards that stood at the end of the hallway. Celestia was in the throne room, signing some documents about the Summer Sun Celebration.
"Celestia?" I asked. She took awhile to respond.
"What is it Luna?"
"Um...I was wondering....Could we talk?"
"Uh huh."
"Well, um..." I started.
"Are you hungry? Lunch is almost ready." Celestia interrupted. I felt my horn glow against my will.
"LISTEN TO ME!" I felt the words shoot out of my mouth like daggers and I watched as all her documents went flying. I now held her attention, even though she was only bestowing it on me grudgingly.
"I'm surprised at you Luna." The cold statement slapped me in the face, clearing my mind. "I thought you knew better."
"But Tia..." I whined.
"I'm listening now. Luna. Explain." I took a deep breath, ready to tell her.
"Tia." I started. "I...I'm..."
"Yes?"
"I'm...having...nightmares..." I mumbled. The piercing gaze was no longer angry, but filled with concern.
"Nightmares?" she replied.
"I thought that...that if we talked, you know, like old times, maybe I'll feel better..." Celestia sighed and shifted on her golden throne, her pink mane and tail drifting gently in the non-existent breeze.
"I'm sorry Luna, but I'm just too busy at the moment. Do you want to talk to Mind Image?"
"No. I want to talk to you." I replied bitterly. This was going all wrong. She was supposed to say Of course Luna. Just let me pick up all these documents and papers and then we'll talk, not just instantly refer me to the psychologist! She must have noticed my look of disgust because she actually stood up and placed her wing around me.
"I'm really really sorry Luna, but with the Sombra fiasco and the setting up of the Celebration, I really have no free time. Some other time, I promise. We'll go to that restaurant you love!"
"But Tia! I can help!" She had prevented me from helping because...because she thought that I'd mess things up! I knew it was wrong, but the ugly thoughts took over. Soon, I was filled with a blinding anger towards my sister. It took extreme control to not explode on the spot, but listen to what she had to say.
"No buts. Talk to Mind Image. He'll help you. I promise." I stared into the magenta eyes of my sister. She didn't care. All she cared about was how many subjects of hers worshiped her Sun. My anger reached its peak, and I had the unpleasant...pleasure of feeling like I was looking from the sidelines while a different pony altogether glared at Celestia.
"NO!" I screamed, my anger unleashed. She reared back startled. I took the opportunity to use my magic to shatter a special statue, just for her, then flew out the open window.
"Luna. Luna! Come back!" Celestia called out. I ignored her and flew back to my room, sobbing. She didn't care. She never cared. Her subjects were too important. That's what I thought anyway. The dark thoughts circled around my head as I cried into my pillow. Soon it was soaked and only increased the amount of tears on my face.
"Luna?" A voice at the door said tentatively. Celestia. "Do...Do you want to talk? I'm sorry, really really sorry. I'm here for you now."
I mulled over what I could do in a second. I could say sorry and talk to her, like I so wanted to earlier, or I could scream. Unfortunately, I still felt hateful towards her.
"NO! LEAVE ME ALONE! I WISH I NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT THE NIGHTMARES!"
"But Luna..." Celestia replied quietly. I thought I could hear her crying softly, but I didn't care.
"LEAVE ME ALONE! I HATE YOU!" I heard Celestia walk away softly. This brought about a fresh new batch of tears. I was so exhausted by all my yelling, that I fell asleep, into my sopping pillow.
When I awoke, apart from the fact that my crying had left crusty streaks on my face, I noticed that the moon had been raised, by Celestia, no doubt. Instead of feeling guilty for what I had said and done to her, I felt a burning anger and a lot of horrible thoughts came with it.
She had raised the Moon to gain glory from me! ME! How could she! she just wants those few measly ponies that worshiped my Moon to worship HER! For being much more powerful! She gives Light! All I give is darkness and terror! They even slept through my beautiful night! But what did they do with my sisters day? Loved it! Worshiped it!
I stopped myself before I got too far. I was shocked by myself. Celestia loved me! The regular ponies at least liked me! I held the Element of Laughter! Of course they liked me! And Celestia still loved me! She always had, always will. Where were these disgusting thoughts coming from?
I sighed. I was exhausted, even though I had obviously slept for a long time. I decided that, in the morning, I would apologize. I wouldn't be afraid to throw myself at her hooves and beg forgiveness, however embarrassing it may look. I would even arrange the stars to spell "I'M SORRY."
With those somewhat comforting thoughts in mind, I took up my post on my balcony to ease the troubled dreams of those who lay below, meanwhile pondering the meaning of my sleeping terrors.
