Trim

by a guy with many hats

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 1281

A magical hair trimmer gains a mind of its own and goes on a rampage.

A magical hair trimmer gains a mind of its own and goes on a rampage.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-24 03:50:11 UTC

Bzzzzzzzzzzzz

A loud buzz filled Rarity's bathroom as she trimmed her fetlocks. The trimmer in her magical grip cut through her silky coat like butter. Rarity started humming to herself as she went about her work. A loud bang made her jump, lobbing off a large chunk of hair off of her leg. "Ohhhh, butts." Rarity grumbled to herself as she felt her freshly buzzed leg.

Rarity went back and did her best to make the cut even. Another loud bang tripped her movements, causing the patch to go from trimmed to bald. "Ahh!" Rarity grew slightly enraged as she hurled the trimmer at the wall, bouncing it off the wall and sending the hearty device through her window.

"Ow, hey!"

Rarity ignored the voice and slammed her window shut. She was already fed up with the world and was focused on stopping the now constant thud. She charged out of her bathroom and was assaulted with a shrill scream. "Ahhhh, get her off, get her off, get her off!" Sweetie Belle was running around the top floor of the boutique, slamming into walls and furniture as Opal dug her claws into her back.

"Enough!" Rarity slammed her hooves down, flaring up her horn and holding Sweetie upside down and pried Opal off of her. "Ridiculous! Look at this place." Rarity put Opal in the bathroom and kicked the door closed. She surveyed the damage while Sweetie was levitated beside her. "Sweetie...what happened?"

Rarity set Sweetie down and started righting her furniture and readjusting a few jostled paintings. "It's not my fault! I just wanted to play and all the sudden--" Sweetie was cut off by a loud knock from downstairs.

"Grandeur...Sweetie do try to clean this mess up." Rarity walked down the steps to the main floor and opened up the door. Discord was standing with her trimmer in his talon and a missing eyebrow. His face was completely void of his usual manic joy and plastered with annoyance and anger. "I think you dropped this." He held the trimmer out at length and dropped it on her porch.

Rarity was covering her mouth to try not to laugh. Discord's left eyebrow was completely gone and his other one was bent into such an angry angle. Rarity lost her battle for modesty and started laughing. "Oh my...I'm sorry...I know you're being good, but that...that is quite funny."

Discord made a mocking talking gesture with his paw and turned away. "I'm sure you'll find it hilarious."

"Pardon?"

"Oooh nothing, your skin looks lovely by the way, you should show off your ankles more often!" Discord cackled as he wandered off.

Rarity picked up the trimmer with a huff and stepped back inside the boutique. She kicked the door closed and shook the trimmer upside down, sending strands of fluffy white hair out of it. "Oh dear...that's unfortunate." she giggled to herself as she saved the mental image of a one-browed Discord.

Rarity set her trimmer down on the nearest clear surface and walked back towards Sweetie Belle. The trimmer sat quietly for a time as Rarity left the room. Once she was gone the trimmer hopped upright and bounced off the counter. The trimmer bounced comically around the room. He jumped around, eventually reaching the steps and bouncing his way to the second floor.

He looked around before spotting his target. He bounced slowly towards the mares as they busied themselves with righting their furniture and cleaning up.

Trimmer hopped into place behind the unsuspecting mare and turned on. He hopped upright, catching her tail near the base. "Bzzzzzzzzat." Trimmer continued to buzz as he hopped away from the scene.

Rarity froze in place. "Sweetie...do you feel a draft?" Rarity slowly turned around, finding her once beautiful tail severed and laying limply on the floor. She let out a horribly loud shriek followed by loud blubbering as she cradled her severed tail. "Whh-h-hy!?"

A shrill scream overtook her blubbering, followed by a loud crash. "Ahhhh-- Rarity help! It's getting closer!" Sweetie was running as fast as her tiny legs could carry her, knocking over everything they had just fixed in the process. Trimmer was bouncing along, blade already on and pointed at her rump.

Too preoccupied watching the trimmer bounce along the ground, Sweetie slammed cheek first into a window, bouncing off like a moth and flattening out on the floor. Trimmer took advantage of the situation and ludged at her, cutting through her tail, barely missing her flesh as he landed on her rump, running up her back and over her head. Large clumps of lavander and pink curls fell to the floor as Trimmer bounced away.

Sweetie took stock of her head, letting out a small cheer before spotting her mane on the floor. "Ahhh! Rarity, my mane!" she shot upright and tried to gather up her severed mane, not even aware that her tail was amongst the casualties. "We can put it back right!?"

Rarity, still crying over the tail, quickly joined the shaved club as Trimmer sheered off a large patch at the back of her head, giving her a reverse mullet and bouncing off. Rarity froze for a moment and felt around her head, accidentally brushing off what little hair remained. She let out a single whimper before falling flat on the floor and burying her face in her tail. She took a deep breath, popped upright, and started wailing loud enough to block out the sound of the bathroom door being pulled open.

Opal peaked out, quickly running off towards the stairs. But she was quickly intercepted by Trimmer, who promptly buzzed a large portion of her front, leaving her head completely fuzzy while her backside was shaved clean. Opal, stunned by the sudden assault, tripped and flew down the steps out a loud feline scream.

Trimmer, pleased with his work, hopped towards Sweetie Belle, used her as a springboard, and hopped through the window. Shattered glass flew out of the building as a rush of air carried clumps of loose hair through, showering the scene in pink, lavender, white, and purple.

Rarity let out a final scream before shooting upright and trotting daintily, yet enraged, in her place. "Discooooord!" she bolted down the steps, tripping on Opal and sliding face first towards the front door. She got upright and flung the door open, Discord was already standing there with a mirror in front of his face.

"Hmmm this is much better," Discord lowered his mirror, revealing a large purple eyebrow and a pink and lavender beard covering his entire face. "It's soft too, nahaha!" he pulled at his sweetie beard as he wandered off. "I think we're even now. Oh and do be careful with your Trimmer, it seems to have a mind of its own." Discord continued to cackle as he walked away. Rarity went to give chase, quickly feeling the breeze on her half shaved scalp, stepped back inside the boutique.

She hurried up the stairs, finding her tail gone as well as sweeties mane. "It was here a minutes ago, I swear!" Sweetie continued to claim her innocence as Rarity fell to her haunches.

She pondered the feasibility of completely shaving Discord, but eventually decided to go to Fluttershy first. A magical Trimmer with a mind of its own and a hunger for hair was no laughing matter.

And so Rarity adorn in a bonnet and a dress, lurched out into the blistering summer heat. She took a small comfort in the fact that her backside was wonderfully cool from the light breeze as she walked. Discord was going to answer for this, she swore on her grave he would.