The Conversion Bureau: Kill All Humans

by Bendy

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Random, Princess Celestia, Human, Princess Luna, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy
Length: 993

Luna tries to convince Celestia with a number of silly reasons to wipe out the Human race, by turning them all into pastel smiling Pony zombies. Fortunately, Celestia disagrees.

Luna tries to convince Celestia with a number of silly reasons to wipe out the Human race, by turning them all into pastel smiling Pony zombies.

Fortunately, Celestia disagrees.

Warning: sex, violence, general stupidness and controversial sensitive subjects that some readers may find offensive. Should not be taken seriously.

Published 2014-02-23 16:10:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-23 16:10:05 UTC

Killing All Humans

Within a white castle, the white Alicorn known as Princess Celestia was sat on her throne reading a newspaper called Multiverse Times.

"Aww! That's cute! Commander Shepard and Applejack are going to get married."

Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light before her throne, followed by the appearance of Princess Luna.

"Sister?!" she shouted in the Royal Canterlot Voice.

Celestia sighed lowering her newspaper to reveal an angry face. "What is it?"

"We must make haste and commit genocide on the evil Human in universe A1100 Gamma Z, by turning them all into perfect happy Ponies!"

Celestia glared at her angrily. "Why should we commit such a horrible act of evil against people that have done nothing to us?"

"Because Humans have small penises!"

"Really? So we should commit genocide on Humanity, because they have small penises?"

"Yes. Because our Pony penises are much bigger and better."

"Actually Luna, that's wrong. I mean have you ever seen the size of Nicolas Cage's penis?" she drooled a little imagining seeing Nicolas Cage's gigantic penis. "I mean wow! Not even the proudest of stallions could compare."

"Yeah, but that's only Nicolas Cage, what about the rest of Humanity with small penises?"

"Well, I seen many a Human with massive penises across the multiverse."

"Yeah well, most Humans have small penises!"

"But a little magic or genetic engineering can fix small issues like that."

"Okay, fine. Humanity wins in the penis debate. But what about how evil Humanity is?" Luna's horn flashed to show in a cloudy bubble of magic above her a fat Caucasian Human male, whom was riddled with acne, was a neckbeard, but surprisingly had a massive penis. He was sitting in front of his desk masturbating vigorously to a picture of Celestia on a computer screen, whom was being fucked up the butthole by Nicolas Cage. "How dare he masturbate to us?! That alone gives us reason to kill all Humans."

"Why? I find it quite flattering that another species from another universe masturbates to us."

"It is insulting!"

"Many a Pony masturbate to Human porn too. So, why should they not be allowed to masturbate to us?"

"They want to have sex with us!"

"There is nothing wrong with the love of two sapient species."

"But if we turn Humans into Ponies, all Humanity will have giant penises!"

"Back to the small penis argument again? I won that debate, remember?

"Alright fine! But did you know Human penises don't last as long in bed?"

"Have you ever had sex with Nicolas Cage like I have?"

"Uh, no."

"Then you have no idea what you're talking about."

"Alright, fine! Time to show you another example of how Humanity is evil. " Luna's flashed her horn to show in a cloudy bubble of magic above her, to reveal a pile of rotting Human corpses lying in a ditch, that all seemed to have died from starvation. "Now, do you see how evil Humanity is?"

"I can counter that." she flashed her horn to show images above her, that showed the exact same thing as Luna did, only with the rotting bodies of Ponies, that also seemed to have starved to death. "See? We can be just as evil."

"What universe is that?! Why are you letting such injustice happen?!"

"Because that universe and so many others like it exist outside our own multiverse, so we cannot travel there."

"What do you mean we cannot travel there?! You can see it!"

"Yes, I have the ability to see into other near by multiverses, but I cannot access them."

"Okay, but we aren't as evil as Humanity! They are much worse."

"Nope. They can be just as good or evil than us."

"Prove it!" she shouted.

She sighed. "Do you really wish to see horrors that may tear your mind apart and drive you insane?"

"I'm am ready!"

"OK, I'll show you a few." she flashed her horn to reveal above her an alternate version of herself, that was covered in blood while she ate crying babies before her throne. Luna shuddered in what she saw. "Had enough?

"No! Show me more!"

She now saw tens of thousands of Ponies, that were starving to death and forced to do heavy labor behind a steel fence fortress, filled with Royal Guard watching over the slave Ponies. Pegasi had their wings cut off and unicorn had their horns chopped off to prevent them from escaping. Those that collapsed from exhaustion, were dragged away by Royal Guard, whom would throw them alive into a pit, where rapid dogs would fight over the Pony meat, tearing into them with their teeth as the Pony screamed while being eating alive. All over the area, there were propaganda posters of Princess Celestia smiling, with quoted text above each poster that said 'Removing the inferior."

Luna had tears in her eyes as she watched the tens of thousands suffer.

"Okay, you win." she said timidly in a low voice. "We're all bastards. Ponies and Human alike."

"Like baby baby, ohhhhhh!" sang a horrible girly voice. "A red evil avatar of the Dark Lord Justin Bieber left her body. "You win this time Celestia!"

"Begone demon!" Celestia shouted as she fired two red laser beams from her eyes at Justin Bieber, but Justin Bieber was too quick for her, he had disappeared in a blinding flash of light before the lasers hit him. Leaving a weeping Luna, whom lay on the floor before Celestia's throne.

"I'm sorry sister... I wasn't myself... I-I.... I--- Celestia ran to her sister to give her a hug.

"It's Okay. Justin Bieber is gone now."

"I guess. But would Nicolas Cage cum inside me?" she said timidly.

"I'm sure he would. I'll invite him over if you like?"

"And Doctor Zoidberg?" she said hopefully.

"Yes. You shall have a glorious threesome with Nicolas Cage and Doctor Zoidberg."

"Huzzah!" shouted Luna happily.

The End