Bad Boy Alert

by Minds Eye

Rating: mature
Tags: DJ P0N-3, Blossomforth, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Berry Punch, Roseluck, Octavia, Comedy, Random
Length: 3365

Girls Night Out for five background ponies takes an all too familiar turn.

Octavia rejoins her friends for a night on the town only for the group to find no stallions on the loose. Their improvised entertainment is interrupted when a hot new stud walks into the bar. Strangely, the other four tear into him, leaving Octavia as the only one willing to give him a shot.

Rated M for language and sexual innuendo.

Published 2014-02-23 19:30:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-23 19:30:04 UTC

Girls' Night Out

“I swear, this town is dead to me.”

Octavia sighed into her coffee. She heard all this last month. Berry Punch said the exact same thing the last time Octavia came out with the girls. Vinyl Scratch, Octavia’s roommate, threw her blue mane back and laughed. “You say that every time, Berry. Here I am, enjoying my first Friday night off in forever, and you bring this up again?”

“But‘s true!” Berry Punch hiccupped and continued. “I count three stallions. Each one with a mare stuck to their flank. How’s a girl supposed to find some easy love tonight?”

Octavia rolled her eyes. “Shocking that you’re still single.” Vinyl dug an elbow into her side. Berry Punch didn’t seem to hear her anyway. The tipsy mare sat in the center of their corner booth. Octavia was sitting on the edge of the bench with Vinyl in between them. Two more mares shared the table with them.

The girls made a new drinking friend while she was away. A white, near floral print pegasus she just met tonight sat across from Octavia. Blossomforth, she remembered. The pegasus sipped her cocktail and set it down. “Should we switch bars?”

“We probably shouldn’t,” answered Roseluck. The red-maned earth pony looked around. “This is the hottest spot in town. It just opened a couple weeks ago.”

That... could not be right. Even though the brightest lights in the room were by the bar itself, Octavia could easily make out the dirt and grime on their table. The only real decor were the chairs, benches, tables, and two mirrors set facing each other to create an infinity effect. If she were drunker she might enjoy it, but all they showed now were five mares sharing infinite loneliness together.

And dust. They were absolutely covered with dust. “It’s only been a couple of weeks? How is it this filthy?”

Vinyl laughed again. “It’s a dive bar, Tavi. It’s supposed to look like this.”

The unicorn drained her mug and revealed a dark smudge on the glass. Octavia shuddered. “Top marks, then. How can you even see with those glasses still on?”

“Practice.”

“And not one single stallion in the whole damn building! This town is dead to me!” Berry Punch collapsed, pushing Vinyl Scratch into Octavia to make room for herself.

Octavia saw Blossomforth recover from a similar shove on her side. The pegasus blinked in surprise. “Should we tell the bartender to start watering hers down?”

Roseluck shook her head. “I did that three drinks ago. The old girl’s still going strong.”

“I heard that,” said a slurred voice from beneath the table.

Silence fell over the table for a time. Vinyl rolled her empty mug in her hooves. “She’s got a point though, huh? Not one opportunity here, much less five.”

Octavia took another sip of her coffee. She tried to help them. There was a new club just up the train tracks in Canterlot, but she was voted down. Octavia even volunteered to sit the night out when they arrived at the bar, but there were just no fish in this sea. Rustic communities simply weren’t known for their plentiful, sexy, eligible bachelors.

Roseluck smiled. “Kind of makes you happy for Lyra and Bon Bon, doesn’t it?”

Blossomforth took an long, uncomfortable breath. Something was clearly on her mind. “About that. I've been thinking. I, well, how do I put this? Do you girls ever think that, um, maybe they...? Ah, never mind.”

Berry Punch’s hoof rose above the table and pointed at Blossomforth. “Party foul!”

Vinyl Scratch agreed. “No unfinished trains of thought allowed.”

Octavia rubbed her temple with a hoof. “Of course they’re gay. They’ve been living together for, what is it now, two or three years? Don't tell me you're just now suspecting them.”

“Oh, she knows,” Roseluck said, “she helped me get them out of the closet at that party.”

“She... you... WHAT?! Why would you do that?! That’s their business! If they weren’t ready-“

Vinyl put a restraining hoof on her shoulder. “Easy, Tavi. It’s not what you think. Rose threw us a party over Hearth’s Warming Eve when you were up at that concert in Canterlot. Lyra and Bon Bon literally locked themselves in a closet.”

“The coat closet, to be exact,” Roseluck said with a smile. “It was embarrassing, honestly. I was hosting a party in the middle of winter, guests were trying to leave, and they couldn’t get their coats. Blossom and I had no idea they were in there and we broke the door open.”

Blossomforth started laughing at the memory. “We found them sampling each others’ goods if you know what I mean.”

Vinyl whistled. “Oh, wow, I never heard that part. At the same time? I’m impressed. That can get uncomfortable.”

It can what?! Octavia spit out her coffee and glared at her roommate. She never tried that in their apartment, did she? “And just how do you know that?”

“I get around, Tavi.”

Berry’s hoof stretched above the table again. “Phrasing, BOOM! Nailed it.”

Well, if that wasn’t the pot calling the kettle black. Vinyl still joined the other mares in a laugh before changing the subject. “OK, OK, back to the point. What’s on your mind, Blossom?”

“Well, it’s just that-and I say this all seriousness, OK?-even though we’ve seen them like that, have you ever thought they just... maybe... aren’t?”

The table was quiet again. Octavia was the first to figure out what she meant. “Aren't what? Gay? Of course they are. Why wouldn’t they be?”

“I don’t know. What were just talking about though? No stallions around, right? Maybe they just got... desperate? Like, ‘Hey I think you’re hot, you think I’m hot, we’re not getting any younger, let’s shack up?’”

“CHEERILEE,” shouted Berry Punch. “I would totally do that with Cheerilee!”

Octavia felt herself go pale. “How desperate would you have to be-“

Vinyl slapped her back, screaming in laughter. “You see any stallions running wild?! Every filly has a little mare-crush. Let’s kick that one around the table. Every stallion is gone from Equestria. Blossomforth, who do you go for?”

The pegasus leaned back with her eyes closed. A smile spread across her face before she opened them again. “Zecora. I’d love to see what kind of tricks she has up her sleeve.”

“Come,” said a much deeper voice from under the table, “come inside my hut. Let us share in a rut.”

“Do not quit your job of day,” Octavia replied, “you shouldn't speak as a fay.”

“Nice,” Vinyl chuckled. “Score one for Tavi. Your turn, Roseluck.”

“Applejack,” she answered with no hesitation. “Oh, girls, that ass. I still remember one time a couple years ago when an apple fell off her cart. When she bent to pick it up, wow.” Roseluck stopped and let out a long breath through pursed lips. “I thought I would break a hoof if I slapped it.”

The Monster under the Table spoke again. “You sure you were looking at her ass? You weren’t craving some of her-“

“Apple juice,” Roseluck interrupted. “Try harder. I saw that from a mile away. How about you, Vinyl?”

“Sapphire Shores.”

Octavia’s gasp of surprise sucked in the rest of her coffee at once, causing the table to laugh hysterically during her recovery coughs. She spoke as soon as her scalding throat would allow it. “Vinyl, you hate Sapphire Shores!”

“I hate her music. Besides, give her one night with me and she’ll be singing ten times better!”

Roseluck gave Vinyl a sly smile. “Are you sure she’d be the one singing?”

“Yeah,” Blossomforth butted in, “she’s already a professional. I bet that tongue of hers would feel-“

Berry Punch’s head finally returned above the table. “SEN-SAY-SHIN-NUUUUUL!!!” In spite of herself, Octavia cracked a smile at that one. Her smile vanished as three pairs of eyes plus one set of ruby colored lenses turned to her. What were they-

“No.”

“Yes,” came the chorus of four.

“I... don’t have any pony in mind.”

Vinyl grinned and shook her head. “Then you would have said that first.”

Roseluck tapped the table with her hoof. “Nothing leaves this bar, Octavia. This is a safe place.”

Blossomforth looked to the others. “You don’t think she would really be willing to stay celibate without stallions, do you?”

“Oh, leave her alone,” Berry said dismissively. “We already know the answer. This broad right here!” She wrapped a leg around Vinyl Scratch.

“What... I... no... you... we..."

Vinyl gasped. “Oh, Tavi, you’re blushing!”

"Take those stupid glasses off," Octavia snapped. "I'm not blushing."

To her surprise, Vinyl Scratch did just that. A flash of magic pulled them down to her nose. Vinyl studied Octavia with her eyes and smirked. "Nope, still blushing. Check out the mirror if you don't believe me."

Octavia sighed and looked back into the mirror in front of her. Without warning, the reflection of Vinyl Scratch shot in and planted a long kiss on her cheek. Stunned, not even feeling what happened to her, Octavia could only watch Vinyl look into her eyes through the mirror, wink, flip her shades back up with a hoof, and lean back in her place.

Her face burned. The backside of Roseluck pointed in Octavia's direction. "Even I have never seen a shade of red quite like that."

Octavia snapped out of her stupor when Berry Punch pounded her mug. "One of us actually got some action tonight. That calls for a toast!"

Blossomforth dropped her face to the table. "A little peck on the cheek between friends is action? The bar has dropped that far? Besides, I'm out."

"One-yes. Two-yes. Three-get us another round. Stallions are a no-show, so let's have some fun. If we get those two drunk enough, they might do something really stupid. So get Octavia a real drink this time. Who switches to coffee on Friday night?"

"Those of us who don't start drinking until happy hour actually begins," Octavia growled. She tried to shoot daggers with her look, but the mare on the other side of the table seemed unfazed.

"You should try it sometime! You'd be easier to deal with. Climb off the pedestal and get crazy, you stuck-up bitch."

Vinyl Scratch backed as far away from the table as she could. "Alright, I want a good, clean fight-"

"And I want to see you spread your legs, and I want to see this one take that string-stick of hers and play your-"

"Uh oh," Roseluck gasped. She leaned over the table, her neck craned to look at the door. "Bad boy alert!"

Berry Punch looked up, slack-jawed. "Bad boy alert!"

Octavia turned to follow their eyes. "What are you-oh, my!" Her world froze. Every thought in her brain was directed at the newcomer in the bar. "Is... is that an alicorn?"

It was, indeed, an alicorn stallion. His jet black coat shone under the garish lighting of the bar. His red tipped wings flapped once as he lowered himself down to sit. A black tail with three red stripes wrapped around his flanks. His short cut mane matched his tail. But it was his face that struck Octavia the most.

Two piercing eyes surveyed the room. Octavia's heart stopped as those bright, red eyes met hers. The shade of his irises was matched only by the color of his horn. The two eyes, the horn, they formed a triangle that framed his face, marred only by small scar between his eyes. Just one glance, for one second, made her feel as though he had the full measure of her. His gaze, both an inquiry and a warning, finished its track around the room and turned to the shot glass placed in front of him.

Octavia finally found her voice. "Hhhhh... Hhhu... who is that?"

"Look at those wings," Blossomforth whispered. "I'd take him home."

"Home?" Roseluck sounded incredulous. "I'd take him in the bathroom!"

"I'd take him on the bar," Berry Punch added.

"Screw Sapphire Shores, I want to sing for him," Vinyl finished.

The stallion raised his drink and threw his head back to gulp it down. Octavia marveled at the muscles that rippled under his coat. "Can you girls imagine how hard those muscles must feel?"

"Right, Tavi, his hard muscles are what we want to feel."

Berry Punch laughed. "I'll feel everything he's got."

"I'll show him how to till my garden right," Roseluck said.

"I want to sit on his face," Blossomforth blurted out.

Octavia spun around in shock as the four mares exploded in laughter. "What are you talking about?! The best stallion of the night walks in and you four size him up like he's just a bale of hay?!"

Roseluck didn't seem to hear. "I bet his parents are dead."

"Rose!"

Vinyl pointed a hoof at Roseluck. "That's how he got the scar! Some pony murdered his parents right in front of him when he was a colt!"

"Vinyl! That's... that's horrible!"

"Oh, yeah! Some pony killed them with a sword," Blossomforth continued. "Then they cut him and dropped the sword in his hoof, daring him to kill them back."

"I-I can't believe I'm hearing this!"

Berry Punch finished the story. "But he failed! Now he wanders the Earth, searching for that pony so he can finish what was started. Revenge be his!" The four broke out in riotous laughter again.

Octavia pounded the table. "How can you say those things?! How can you joke about... about all of that?! You don't even know him!" The four were stunned into silence. Octavia glared into all of their eyes in turn, refusing to back down.

Berry Punch bit her hoof to stop herself from laughing again. "Have... you never seen one of them before? Black-and-Reds show up all the time!"

"And the only interesting thing about them is how they say the same frickin' shit." The humor was gone from Vinyl Scratch's face. Octavia had never seen her so serious before. "They all seem different, but they all have the same stench of ridiculous on them. I've chatted up six of them myself. Every single one said he was related to Princess Celestia. One even told me he was her long lost son."

Blossomforth raised a hoof. "I hooked up with one. He left me for Twilight Sparkle the next day. The next fucking day. He said it was some destiny crap, and Twilight was the only one who could help him in his quest for... something. I didn't care; I didn't want to hear it."

Roseluck patted Blossomforth on the shoulder before looking at Octavia. "I wasn't joking about his parents. I've never met one whose parents were still alive. I don't know how that always comes up in our first conversation, but it just does."

"Daring Do," Berry Punch said. "I swear on the precious few drops of alcohol puddled on the bottom of this mug, one of them told me he was screwing Daring Do. She's... she's not even real!"

Octavia slouched down. "So you're all telling me you're going to do nothing? He could be a perfectly fine pony, and you're just going to sit here and make fun of him behind his back?"

"No," Berry said, "we're going to get another round, and then make fun of him behind his back."

"I see. Well that is, and please forgive this ladies, BULLSHIT!" Octavia pounded the table again. "We didn't go to Canterlot because you wanted to find some stallions closer to home. We came here because you thought this place would be crawling with stallions. In fact, the only time we haven't talked about stallions tonight was when you titillated each other with your perverted 2 a.m. fantasies! Now there is a perfectly good stallion right there and none of you will even say 'Hello?!' Fine. Sit there and let a lady show you how it's done."

Octavia stood and left them behind. She felt their eyes burn into her as weaved through the traffic of ponies, never looking away from her target. He saw her coming, and fixed his steady stare towards on her. Octavia just smiled back until she reached him.

"I'm not exactly looking for company." His voice was a surprise. Low, but not gruff. Polite, but not taciturn.

"Too bad for you," she said as she sat next to him. He looked younger up close. More so when the corner of his mouth turned up in a smile and he waved for the bartender. Octavia still looked at him when she ordered. "I'll have what he's having."

His smile grew. "A bold strategy. You haven't even looked at my drink. You must know your booze."

"Not at all," she admitted. "A girl needs to take a risk if she wants to impress an alicorn."

Confusion spread across his face. "What are you talk-oh. OH. That." He reached up and pulled off his horn.

"How did you-?!" There was a black string dangling from the "horn." It was also hollow inside.

"A party hat," he chuckled. "I met a certain pink pony on my way here. Somewhere between her song and dance, and her near-felonious assault with cake, I forgot I had it on."

"I think I know the pony. She's harmless. Mostly." They shared a laugh. "I don't think she's truly happy until she knows every pony's name."

"Speaking of names...?"

"Octavia," she said with a smile, happy he picked up her cue. "I am a... freelance cellist at the moment. I moved to Ponyville from Canterlot."

"It is a true pleasure to meet you, Octavia." Such a gentlecolt! The bartender filled up two shot glasses and placed them in front of the pair. They clinked glasses and downed them. "I'm Quick Post. I work for a shipping company in Cloudsdale. The higher-ups are looking to expand and sent me to scout out some locations for a new warehouse."

Octavia grinned. "Well your search is over. I know from experience that you can't beat Ponyville. You're close enough to service the wealthy in Canterlot while avoiding their criminally high rent. But enough about that. How long are you here?"

Quick Post let out a sharp breath. "Not long enough. My train leaves in an hour."

Octavia put on a pout. "An hour? That doesn't leave me much time."

"Regretfully true. Bosses set up a meeting for me in San Franciscolt in the morning." He sighed. "A colt born to fly, head born in the sky."

She recognized the words. "Took the midnight train..."

"Going anywhere," he crooned.

Octavia scrunched her face. "I... hate... that song."

"Me too. Gets stuck in your head so easily, doesn't it? You want to know a way to get it out? Walk with me around Ponyville for an hour."

"A bold strategy," she giggled. "You annoy the girl, then ask her for a favor." Octavia was impressed with him so far. He was handsome, well-mannered, humorous, and perfectly normal in every way. She loved being right. "Why not? That sounds lovely."

Her new date waved the bartender over again and dropped a bag of bits on the counter. "Cover the lady's tab as well, please."

Octavia's eyes bugged out a bit before she could contain herself. "That was unnecessary."

"I have a feeling this trip of mine will bring me through here again. You can make it up to me by joining me for dinner the next time I'm in Ponyville."

Octavia had to stop herself from laughing with delight. She settled for batting her eyelashes at him a few times, and adding confidence to his list of positives. "That will depend on how well this hour goes."

The walked to the door together. Quick Post pushed it open and motioned for her to go first, giving a deep, comical bow. Octavia looked over her should as she walked out into the moonlit streets of Ponyville. The girls were watching, jaws dropped in disbelief. Vinyl Scratch recovered quickly enough to raise her new drink in a salute. Octavia slipped them a quick wink before the door shut them out of her night.