Turn Down For ‘What?’

The tires on Octavia’s car threw up smoke and her brakes let out a screech as the vehicle slid to a stop across the street from Vinyl’s apartment building.

“You live here?” Octavia inquired, giving the structure and its fading paint a skeptical look.

After a moment too long of silence, Octavia glanced over to Vinyl. The unicorn’s eyes were screwed shut and her hooves were tightly gripping the dashboard in front of her.

“Vinyl?” Octavia poked the mare, causing her to start and open her eyes. “Yoohoo, we’re here.”

“We are?” Vinyl said, as thought she didn’t believe it. She looked over at her building and let out a sigh of relief. “Oh thank Celestia.”

The unicorn hurriedly opened her door and all but fell onto the street, thankful to be on solid ground again.

“I’m never getting into a car with you again,” Vinyl said as she shakily got to her hooves.

Octavia scoffed as she got out of the car as well, hauling her cello case out with her. “Oh, would you relax. When I say we’re going to make the jump, we’re going to make the jump.”

Vinyl just shook her head and began walking across the street to her building, Octavia following only a step or two behind her.

“So, there’s a story here, right?” Octavia asked as they entered the lobby.

“Hm?”

Octavia smiled. “Oh come on, Vinyl. Every apartment building has some kind of story. Did somepony famous once live here? A particularly grisly murder take place here? Was it the setting of a sordid love affair? Details.”

Vinyl just shrugged as they entered the elevator. “Not that I know of.”

“Really? Never chat up your landlord while he’s tacking on meaningless fees?”

Vinyl hit the button for her floor. “I slip an envelope under his door whenever my rent is due.”

Octavia sighed and flicked an imaginary piece of dust off her shoulder as the elevator rose.

“I thought you would have lived in a nicer building,” Octavia mentioned after a few moments of silence between them.

The elevator halted as Vinyl shot Octavia a glare. A pair stallions entered the elevator, smiling politely at the two mares before hitting the button for a floor higher in the building.

“What does it matter to you where I live?” Vinyl hissed at Octavia as the elevator shakily started up again.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I just thought a DJ like yourself would earn enough for a nicer place,” the elevator halted again, a ding sounding as the doors slid open. “I’m starting to think you lied just to get me into bed,” Octavia said as she brushed past the two stallions, smirking back at Vinyl.

The unicorn gaped and sputtered for a moment before darting after Octavia, her face flushed. The stallions, for their part, just stared at their hooves and shifted uncomfortably as the doors closed.

Vinyl raced to catch up with Octavia as the latter calmly strolled down the hallway, shoulders shaking from the effort to contain her mirth.

“Did you see the look on those stallions’ faces?” Octavia snickered. “Priceless.”

Vinyl had been poised to say something (she admittedly had no idea what) to the grey mare, but she closed her mouth and simply smiled. “Yeah, I suppose that was a little funny.”

Octavia chuckled again. “Ease up dear. I thought DJs were supposed to be loose and fun.”

“I’m loose and fun!” Vinyl said defensively, crossing her forelegs. “But to be fair, we were just in a freaking firefight, not to mention you nearly killed us both with your driving.”

“There’s nothing wrong with my driving,” Octavia turned up her nose. “And I’ve been in worse.”

“Worse firefights?” Vinyl prodded. “What did you say you did besides play the cello?”

“I didn’t,” Octavia said coolly. She then gave Vinyl a wink and added, “But once I’ve had a nice, cool drink, who knows what might slip out?"

Vinyl nodded and began patting her pockets for her key, only to realize that she wasn’t even wearing her own clothes.

“Aw shit,” Vinyl muttered.

“Problem, Vinyl?” Octavia asked, leaning against the wall next to the unicorn.

“My key. I had it in that dress I was wearing last night,” Vinyl groaned and brought her hoof to her forehead. “Which I left in the hotel room. Shit.”

Just as Vinyl felt herself beginning the classic ‘slump against wall and slide to floor’ move, the sound of jingling keys brought her out of it. She looked to the source, finding Octavia holding out her key ring, that smug look again on her face.

“You kept dropping these last night, so I thought it prudent to hang onto them.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Vinyl said, taking the proffered keys.

“You guess?”

“I’m not sure we’re far enough into this relationship for you to have a key to my apartment,” Vinyl said as she searched for the correct key.

“Oh really? How far do we have to be exactly?”

“Sometime after the third night of crazy sex, but ideally before one of us gets the other pregnant,” Vinyl said as she finally found the correct key and inserted it into the lock.

Octavia chuckled. “Good to know. But I’m curious as to whether or not last night counts.”

Vinyl paused halfway through opening the door and looked Octavia dead in the eye. “I found a dildo in a blueberry pie. If that doesn’t immediately qualify whatever the Tartarus we did last night as crazy sex, I really don’t want to know what does.”

Octavia’s expression became blank for a moment as her brain processed what she had just heard. She then let out a loud bark of laughter as she followed Vinyl into the latter’s apartment. “I’m sorry, there was a what in a blueberry pie?”

Vinyl felt her face flush crimson. “Nothing!” she said hurriedly, tossing her keys onto a nearby dresser.

Octavia laughed again as she closed the door behind her. “I for one have no memory of that, but I certainly am intrigued now.”

Vinyl brought her hoof to her face and sighed. “Just… Can we please not talk about it? Like, ever?”

Octavia chuckled and patted Vinyl on the shoulder. “Whatever makes you happy, dear.” The cellist then moved away from the DJ and took in her surroundings.

In spite of her initial appraisal of the building, Octavia had to admit the apartment wasn’t quite as bad as she had first thought. The main room was large, but cramped, being both living room and kitchen smushed together. The kitchen was mostly a countertop with a coffee pot and a toaster sitting on it with an inset sink, complete with a stove and a small fridge on the end. The main area of the room was furnished with an old coffee table surrounded by a couch, a loveseat, and an armchair, each looking as though this was not the first apartment they had sat in. The wall facing the street was lined with a few tables and a desk, each littered with stacks of paper, quills and pens, old takeout boxes and empty bottles. A door near the kitchen presumably lead to a bedroom.

After taking all this in, Octavia turned back to Vinyl, who was now watching her for her reaction, and said, “I’ve been in worse apartments.”

Vinyl managed a small grin. “Thanks?”

“You’re quite welcome,” Octavia replied with a smug look as she made her way over to the loveseat and plopped herself and her cello case down on it.

“Make yourself at home,” Vinyl mumbled.

“Already am, dear,” Octavia said as she leaned her head back. “Any news on that drink you lured me up here with?”

Vinyl sighed and mumbled something about a pie and cuffing Octavia to a bed. She turned and took the three steps necessary to reach the fridge, opening the door and staring into its fluorescent lit interior for a good ten seconds before she remembered her apartment was strewn with takeout boxes for a reason.

“I, uh, don’t suppose water counts as a cool drink?” Vinyl said over her shoulder.

“In a pinch, dear.”

Vinyl sighed and closed the fridge door, nabbing a pair of glasses from a cupboard and filling them up from the tap. She idly wondered if Octavia became more snobbish the longer she went without alcohol, as Vinyl had prevented her from drinking while she was at the wheel of a moving vehicle. Vinyl made a mental note to insist she always drive whenever the two were in a car. Returning to the loveseat, Vinyl offered one of the glasses to Octavia, who accepted it with a soft word of thanks.

Her expression soured when she took a sip, quickly setting the glass on the table as she reached inside her coat. The sour expression became a look of annoyed confusion as Octavia felt around inside her coat. She quickly resorted to pulling the flap out and peering inside the coat, before letting it fall back to its original position. She groaned and slumped back into the loveseat.

Vinyl tilted her head in confusion. “Something the matter?”

Octavia scowled. “Your water tastes like shit and I seem to have lost my damn flask.”

“Snob,” Vinyl snorted, earning a glare from Octavia.

The grey mare opened her cello case and pulled the bottle of cider from within it. She swallowed the rest of the water in her cup with a grimace and poured herself a generous helping of cider, taking a sip and swishing it around to rid herself of the taste of the city’s tap water.

“I’m guessing cellists drink water taken from glaciers then,” Vinyl said, sipping from her glass.

Octavia swallowed and glared at her again. “Vinyl dear, I’ll have you know that the water I drink comes from snow collected from a crystal cave in the Crystal Empire and is melted by Celestia herself,” Octavia turned her nose up with a ‘hmph.’

Vinyl kept her expression straight for a few seconds before snorting loudly. Octavia’s glare lasted about as long before she cracked a grin. “Had you going there for a moment?”

Vinyl nodded. “Yeah, you play the snob a little too well.”

“Blame it on all the time spent around those bores at the orchestra.” she proffered the cider bottle to Vinyl. “Care for a drink?”

Vinyl shook her head. “Nah, I’d better wait for it to be, y’know, after noon.”

“Are you insinuating something?”

“Not at all.”

“I’m not a lightweight, I’ll have you know,” Octavia said defensively. “I know my limits and I don’t test them until lunch.” Octavia placed the bottle back in the cello case and quickly downed the rest of her glass. Setting it on the table again, she shifted her focus to Vinyl, “So then, Vinyl, not that I didn’t enjoy that drink of my own cider in the glass you provided, but I think it’s time we get down to business.”

Vinyl made a mental note to get back at Octavia for that later and sat down on the couch opposite her. “Great. So, what is it you-?” Vinyl began.

Octavia cut her off. “Do you own a gun?”

“Huh?”

“A gun. I know you can use one, but do you own one?”

Vinyl nodded, caught a little off guard by the cellist’s questions. “Yeah. What about it?”

“Is it here?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Vinyl, I have no bloody idea who those ponies at the hotel were. And while I’m sure you could get by with the shotgun, I’m much prefer it if you had a gun you were more familiar with.”

“Oh,” Vinyl paused. “Do you want me to…?”

“Please.”

Vinyl nodded and got up off the couch, heading for her bedroom. Vinyl pushed opened the door, only for it to get stuck partway open, probably jammed against something in her room. She shot Octavia an embarrassed look over her shoulder and squeezed herself through the opening.

The inside of Vinyl’s room was darker than the rest of the apartment, heavy curtains drawn over the window and her DJ equipment having been shut down the previous day. The small room was very cramped: her bed was shoved up against one of the walls while almost the entirety of the remaining space had been devoted to housing her equipment. In addition, Vinyl had to admit she was a bit of a slob, having not gotten around to her monthly clean up day. Or was that bi-monthly, she forgot which she had convinced herself was good enough.

Vinyl found one of her speakers had fallen over, hence the jamming of the door. She swore softly and hefted the bulky piece of equipment upright with her hooves and magic, inspecting it for damage as soon as it was level. Nothing appeared wrong on the surface, but Vinyl knew there could be any number of internal problems. She sighed; stupid appropriate for the current situation metaphor.

Getting back on task, Vinyl wormed her way past a few more of her equipment pieces and opened the door to her closet. She brushed aside a few coats and scarves soon laid her hooves on a large box. Pulling the lid off, Vinyl sifted through a layer of musical notes and advertisement clippings until she found her target. The unicorn pulled the gleaming pistol from the box, holding it up to the light that managed to slip in through the crack in the curtains. She ejected the magazine and checked it before pushing it back into the gun and racking one of the nine millimeter rounds in.

Setting the gun down beside her, Vinyl sifted through the box some more until she came up with the holster for the gun and the few additional magazines she had. However, while searching, Vinyl pulled another small pistol from the box. She regarded the smaller pistol thoughtfully, having forgotten she even had it. A ‘graduation gift’ from her CO, who insisted she at least own something discrete.

Glancing upwards, Vinyl found a dark vest hanging among her clothes. It was something she’d found at one of those spy stores, a little holster having been sewn into the inner lining. Standing up, she pulled the vest from the rack and shrugged into it, pushing the smaller pistol into the inner holster before buttoning it up.

Satisfied she could now check ‘was discrete’ on her report, Vinyl strapped on the shoulder holster for the larger pistol, quickly securing it as well, and turned her attention to the top shelf of her closet. From there, she pulled an admittedly gaudy case down and withdrew her much-beloved sunglasses.

As Vinyl perched the glasses on her horn, it occurred to her she had just thought of the word ‘Gaudy’. Where in Tartarus had that come from? Shaking her head, Vinyl closed the door to the closet as made her way back to the main room.

“Alright, I’ve got my gun,” Vinyl said as she approached the couch. “Now wha-?” The unicorn stopped speaking as she looked up to see Octavia pointing a pistol at her.

“Now that you’ve shown it to me, take it out. Slowly and with your hoof,” Octavia said coolly, the gun in her hoof pointed squarely at Vinyl’s chest.

“What?”

The cellist pulled back the hammer with a soft yet ominous ‘click’.

Gulping nervously, Vinyl nodded and slowly pulled her gun from its place beneath her shoulder, mindful of the violet eyes watching her. She held the weapon loosely by the butt as she extended her foreleg out.

“Toss it.”

Vinyl complied, the weapon landing softly on the couch cushions.

“Now,” Octavia leaned forward, her gun now held loosely at her side. “Let’s talk about you. Who are you?”

Vinyl blinked. “What?”

Octavia sighed. She raised her pistol almost casually and fired, the loud bang preceding a puff of feathers as a bullet tore through the top of the couch Vinyl stood behind.

“Shit!” Vinyl yelled, jumping.

“You real name. I want your real name,” Octavia said, sounding irritated.

“My name is Vinyl Scratch.”

Octavia fired again, the bullet going through the couch again, pushing more feathers into the air.

Vinyl humped again. “Fuck! Stop doing that!”

“Stop lying to me,” Octavia said coolly.

“I’m not lying, you fucking psychopath!”

Octavia sighed again and rolled her eyes. “Fine then, we’ll come back to that one. Next question: Who do you work for?”

Vinyl stared at Octavia and leaned forward onto the couch. “What?”

Octavia growled and fired again, the bullet exploding through the couch right next to Vinyl’s hoof. The unicorn yelped and physically jumped into the air.

“Say ‘what’ one more fucking time,” Octavia growled. “Come on, please.”

Vinyl opened her mouth, closed it, and tiredly brought a hoof to her face.

“You know what, this isn’t worth getting shot over. You want to know what’s going on? I’ve got everything in that desk there.” Vinyl started for the desk. “Just let me-”

“Ah ah ah,” Octavia said, getting up from her place on the couch. “You think I’m going to allow you to get at whatever little back up plan you have in there? Do you think I’m stupid? If there’s really anything in there, I’ll get it.”

The grey mare stood up from couch and made her way in between Vinyl and the desk, keeping her gun and eye on the unicorn the whole while. She began fiddling with the desk drawer, her gaze and gun focused on Vinyl. After a few moments of pointless rattling, Octavia turned to look at the desk, her gun straying off target.

Vinyl scrambled in getting a hoof inside her vest and pulling her second pistol from within it. The distinct sound of the slide being racked caused Octavia to whip her head around and find herself staring down the gun’s barrel.

Vinyl was surprised when the grey mare suddenly smirked. “Now just where were you hiding that?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Vinyl shook off her momentary surprise and set her features into a hard expression. “Toss it.”

Octavia sighed and limply tossed her gun away, it thudding dully on the floor. The earth pony then raised her hooves, still smirking at Vinyl.

“Alright then, you have the drop on me, I’ll admit it. Now what?” Octavia asked, still smiling.

Vinyl’s hard expression faltered, as did her forelegs. “Well, I suppose I could use those cuffs-”

“Kinky,” Octavia cut in, lowering her hooves and making to take a step forward.

Vinyl immediately snapped her forelegs straight again, gun pointed at Octavia’s throat, halting the grey mare in her tracks. “Or I could just shoot you now,” she said with more confidence.

Though Octavia stopped and raised her hooves again, that smirk remained. “I suppose you could; you neighbors really don’t seem too concerned about gunfire.” Vinyl noticed Octavia’s body tensing and gripped her pistol tighter, ready to fire should the mare attempt any sort of move. “But then again, you’d have to take the safety off.”

Vinyl realized her mistake a half second after she made it. She turned the gun slightly, peering at its side. Embarrassingly enough, the safety was indeed on. The embarrassment was rather moot as Octavia launched herself forward, grabbing for the pistol.

Vinyl pulled her hoof back, tearing it from Octavia’s brief grip, and slammed the side of the gun into Octavia’s head, knocking the hat from it. Octavia and Vinyl stumbled backwards a few steps, but each recovered quickly. Vinyl clicked the safety off just as Octavia made a quick downward thrust of her left foreleg. A quick series of clicks sounded as a tiny pistol came out of her sleeve and into her hoof.

Each raised their pistol and they were now only a foreleg’s length apart, Octavia’s gun pointed just below Vinyl’s chin and Vinyl’s pistol a few inches from Octavia’s left eye.

They stood stock still in that position for a few moments, grim determination frozen on their faces. After these few moments had passed, Vinyl spoke.

“Nice trick.”

“Thank you,” Octavia replied in a somewhat smug tone.

“So, what now?” Vinyl asked, surprising herself with the coldness of her voice.

“Well, we could just shoot each other,” Octavia said simply. “But let’s think on that for a moment. If either one of us fires first, the other is sure to fire by way of reaction spasms. I put one through your throat and you choke on your own blood. Or just bleed a lot and never sing again. Meanwhile, I’ll get one through the eye, which will have a slight chance of just going through a bit of my skull instead of my brain.”

“So, it’s just a matter of luck then?” Vinyl replied, swallowing her nervousness as the standoff continued. “You feeling lucky?”

“I was going to buy a lottery ticket.” Octavia grinned briefly before her mouth resumed its grim shape. “But before we kill each other, I’m just dying to know who the fuck you work for.”

Vinyl groaned. “Okay fine, you want to know who I work for? I work for Me and Myself, with some occasional favors for I.”

Octavia’s expression was unreadable, her violet eyes boring into Vinyl’s magenta ones. And after a moment, she suddenly burst out laughing.

Vinyl took a step back in surprise as the larger mare doubled over, clutching her middle as she laughed roaringly. She soon regained some of her composure, straightening and wiping a tear from her eye as she stuffed the tiny pistol back into her sleeve.

Vinyl gaped for a few moments in confusion before managing to blurt out, “What?”

Octavia leaned against the desk as she tried to answer Vinyl. After a few moments, she managed a “Sorry!” between guffaws. After taking some time to fully compose herself, Octavia spoke.

“Oh, I’m sorry; ponies keep telling me I’m too paranoid at times. Once almost shot a pizza colt because I thought he was stalking me.” This prompted a few more chuckles from the mare.

“What?” Vinyl said exasperatedly.

“Oh, I was on my way home and the others had ordered some pizza and the guy was just walking behind me. And as you can imagine-”

Vinyl cut her off, “No, what in the name of Discord’s ass just happened?”

“Oh,” Octavia said casually. “Well, it’s just that I just met you and before I can even think of telling my father about you I’d have to make sure you were on the level.” Octavia waved her hoof dismissively. “It’s not your fault. The last time I went to a mare’s apartment I almost got arrested because it turned out the mare I was with was actually a cop. We’re just friends now.” Octavia said with a smile.

Vinyl opened and closed her mouth a few times, her brain not processing what was happening to0 well. “So… this was a test?”

“Something like that. You passed with flying colors by the way.” Octavia bent down to retrive her hat. Once it was back on her head, she said, “I’m still going to have to get the okay from my father before I can bring you home, but I have a good feeling about it.” the grey mare then bent over to retrieve her fallen gun.

“Oi!” Vinyl shouted, aiming her gun at Octavia. The mare gave her an annoyed look.

“I guess I’m not forgiven then.”

“You tried to kill me!”

“And I apologized.” She reached for the gun again.

“Leave it!” Vinyl practically screeched, unhappy with how panicked she sounded.

Octavia sighed again. “Alright, I understand,” she said, straightening back up and making her way over to the couch where her cello case sat. “You just hang on to it and I’ll get it tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Vinyl asked, picking up Octavia’s gun while keeping a close eye on the mare.

“After I make sure it’s okay to bring you home,” Octavia explained, hoisting her cello case up. “I don’t want my dad freaking out.” She walked over to Vinyl, smiling pleasantly as if the last five minutes didn’t happen. “I feel really good about this, Vinyl. And for me... that’s a lot.”

Vinyl took a step back, wary of this being some sort of elaborate and insane ploy. And then, to her surprise, Octavia suddenly leaned down and kissed her. Her shock at the action allowed the earth pony’s tongue to slip into her mouth and have the .45 pulled from her grip.

Leaning back from the kiss, Octavia gave Vinyl what looked like a genuine smile as she slipped her pistol back in its holster.

“Sorry, dear, but I’m really not going to leave my gun here.” she then smacked her lips. “And did I at any point in the last twelve hours mention what a fantastic kisser you are?” With a giggle at Vinyl’s blank expression, Octavia trotted to the door. At it, she turned to Vinyl once again.

“Again, I’m sorry about doing this to you, but I haven’t felt this way in a long time and the last thing I want ruining it is for you to turn out to be a spy or an assassin or something.” she paused as a thought crossed her mind. “Oh, and best you don’t leave as I still have no idea who those ponies at the hotel were. I’ll come get you tomorrow morning. Make pancakes.”

She opened the door, but stopped again. “Oh, and I just love those glasses.” she swept into the hall. “See you tomorrow, love!” she called as she closed the door.

Vinyl stood there for a time, brain replaying the events in an effort to make sense of them. It stood to reason that, being a
violent criminal, Octavia would be paranoid enough to do some kind of test. However, it also stood to reason that, given her attitude following Vinyl passing said test, she was clearly infatuated with the unicorn. (Obviously having something to due with the blueberry pie)

And given the current rosy hue of the musician/government agent’s cheeks, it was fair to say that that wasn’t entirely one-sided.

Vinyl Scratch

Her Love Life Makes Shining’s Look Like a Sitcom

Author's Note

Miscellaneous gun info that really only matters if you want to know what gun I had in mind when I was writing.

Vinyl's pistol: Beretta 92FS Inox

Vinyl's small pistol: Walter PPK (Yeah, you know I was going to do that)

Octavia's sleeve gun: any pocket pistol, really (I was inspired to do this after watching season 3 of Justified, so if you know what I'm talking about, you can imagine Octavia having that particular contraption.)