The Mane Six Rob a Bank

by Xenmas021

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Adventure, Main 6, Original Character
Length: 8302

With Granny Smith hospitalized under a rare--and expensive--condition, the Mane Six have a short amount of time to come up with a LOT of cash.

Granny Smith comes down with a rare disease called "kidney stones" that is baffling doctors all across Equestria.

But when a doctor assures the Apple Family that he can solve her painful problem, a new problem arises: paying for the treatment.

Faced with such a devastating (and expensive) problem, Applejack turns to her best friends, who come up with a rather dangerous way to make some fast cash.

Published 2014-02-25 01:00:04 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-05 03:56:23 UTC

The Problem

"Six hundred and fifty-five thousand bits?!"

All noise in the waiting room stopped. A pony with a broken arm quit wailing in pain, a crying filly ceased all noise, and a pony sobbing over the bad news she had just received completely shut up. They all averted their attention in unison to where the booming voice had come from.

Applejack's nose was not two inches away from the doctor's, who was nearly sitting in an attempt to get as far away from Applejack as possible. Applejack breathed heavily from her outburst, but was otherwise as still as stone as she waited for a response. Just before a bead of sweat dropped from the doctor's chin, he spoke.

"I-I understand your concern, Applejack, but it's simply not a simple operation and we--"

"And what if I can't come up with the money? Hm? What do I do then doc'?" Little drops of Applejack's spit flew into the pony's face, who winced every time she opened her mouth.

"Th-then I'm afraid..." The doctor trailed off. It seemed as if he did not want to say the obvious, in complete fear of what Applejack's reaction may be. He looked as if he was about to cry.

"Applejack... you're turnin' red..." Applebloom's voice was tiny, matching the doctor's tension.

At that point, Applejack noticed the distinct silence of the previously loud waiting room. She leaned back and gave the terrified pony in front of her some space.

"Look I... I didn't mean to get all riled up. It's just that we ain't got nearly enough money. Granny Smith has always been as fit as a fiddle for her old age, and to see her suddenly get kiddie stones, or whatever she's got... it's frustrating, doctor."

With a little more confidence now that Applejack was not in a seemingly-murderous rage, the doctor replied, "Listen, I understand. But the unchangeable truth is that we don't have any of the equipment we're going to need here because the operation has never been done before. We have some of the best doctors in all of Equestria here, and I'm sure we can fix her up fine. But kidney stones have only ever appeared in thirteen ponies in all of history. This is the only place you're gonna' find the experience to perform the procedure. I'd say it's a stroke of luck that we even have access to the necessary tools."

"I just... we've been all across Equestria tryin' to find any pony who knew what the problem was and we've been let down every time. And to finally find help only to have it just out of reach... it ain't right," Applejack said, with her voice beginning to crack up.

The doctor frowned as the bustle of noise was beginning to revive itself in the waiting room. "You all seem like good ponies to me. I'll tell you what--I'll put in a word with my boss to let you ponies have the payments spread out. Normally, we'd need it all up front, which usually gets done because of the insurance. But I don't think there's any insurance that covers this, right?"

Applejack drooped her head and stared at the floor. She shook her head.

The doctor continued, "As I thought. We'll keep her here and as healthy as we can, but we won't even be able to begin operation until we have a payment of some twenty thousand bits. The hospital can cover about five thousand bits for it, and I can talk to our fundraisers supervisor about getting something going for Granny Smith. But she needs to be helped as soon as possible, and I'm sorry but there needs to be a way to get those bits here fast."

"I see..." Applejack was almost whispering. "Thanks a bunch for the help doctor... and I beg your pardon for gettin' like that."

"Don't worry about it. I'll contact you about any news on the situation." The doctor gave a small smile as he tucked a notepad into his lab coat. He looked at Applebloom, and then to Big Mac before giving a nod and going back into the hall. He wiped Applejack's spit off his face just before he disappeared around a corner.

"Let's go say bye to Granny Smith," Applejack said after a solid minute of staring at the white, tiled floor.

Granny Smith was asleep when the three siblings eased themselves through the door. As always, she was mumbling in her sleep. She would twitch every now and then, extending a hoof out toward the ceiling, as if she was boxing. She would have looked like a normal dozing Granny Smith if she hadn't grit her teeth and yelped in pain every couple of minutes or so.

Apparently some kind of stone had been produced in one of her organs and it wouldn't leave her body. The doctors said it was cutting her from the inside out, and that only two other mares had ever had a kidney stone. Except in the other cases, the ponies could pee out the stupid little stone, and everything would be fine after a little pain. This wasn't the case for Granny Smith. Whether it was her urinary tract simply being a bit too old for that or plain bad luck, that darn stone wasn't going anywhere.

Applejack's thoughts were interrupted by a quiet sniffle next to her. Tears were rolling down Applebloom's face, and Big Mac looked a little teary-eyed too. She let her cry for a moment, letting the only sounds in the room be quiet crying and the beeping from the machines attached to Granny Smith.

"Applebloom..." Applejack brought her little sister closer to her with a hoof. "We're going to make sure that she gets better. And that goes for you too, Big Mac. I promise y'all that we'll find one way or another to fix Granny Smith back up again."

"But the farm doesn't have the bits to pay for anything! Granny Smith is going to die without any money!" Applebloom broke out into a sob. Applejack shushed her, part of her wanting not to wake her grandmother, and the other part wanting to comfort her sister.

"I swear it, Applebloom. We'll come up with the money. I'm not sure exactly how, but you can bet all your apples we'll do it, sugarcube."

The Solution

Pinkie Pie plopped down and pursed her lips upon hearing the news. All six of the ponies would not make eye contact and Rarity's eyes were glazed with tears. Twilight sat down after not moving for a second and furrowed her brow. The silence in the library was then interrupted by a short gasp from Twilight.

"Spike!" Her eyes lit up as she called up the stairs. The dragon came bounding down with a quill and a bit of parchment in his claws.

"Already on it," he said as he spread out the parchment on the library's pedestal and began to write, speaking aloud as he did so.

"Dear Princess Celestia," he announced. He then looked up at Twilight, who was staring at the ceiling, tapping a hoof to her chin.

She then continued to pace around the bronze statue of a stallion in the middle of the room. "Write: I am sorry to inform you that our beloved Granny Smith has come down with a rare disease and will require funds that we do not have for her treatment. As the Defenders of Harmony, I humbly plead that you..."

The library looked exactly as it had before the letter was sent after the reply was received some twenty minutes later. They were all silent and avoiding eye contact after hearing Twilight read the reply out loud. Applejack was the most distraught. She wasn't even facing any of her friends as she sat in a corner.

Rarity tried to console her. "Applejack dear, we can all pool together what we have and--"

"But it ain't enough. No boutique, bakery, or barnyard will just have that many bits lyin' about. Ya'll couldn't even have covered the first payment the doctor was fixin' to ask for. The Princess herself said that she ain't even got the bits to pay for the rest of it."

Twilight almost felt like she had disappointed everyone, not Celestia. How could she let everyone down like this? She was Celestia's disciple, and she couldn't even coax the Princess into helping them out? Then again, Celestia had no bits under her name because she was a Princess, and the the equipment wouldn't have just been made for free simply because the Princess asked. Somehow, the manufacturers of the equipment for the surgery had to be compensated and some IOU from a broke government was not going to cut it. Actually, Twilight herself thought it was quite unethical to get special privileges for being the Defenders of Equestria. Thousands of other ponies were dying, and Granny Smith gets saved because she's the grandpony of the Element of Honesty? It was just unfair. Celestia did her best to help by having the deeply-in-debted Royal Bank pay for the first payment. The rest of the cost was on the six ponies in the library.

"...Maybe we could run a lemonade stand?" Pinkie Pie finally piped in, but her voice only held a thin veil of her usual optimism. She scanned around for approval of her idea with a slightly lowered head and wasn't nearly as boisterous as she would have normally been.

"Pinkie, I don't think a lemonade stand can make almost a million bits within the time we have," said Twilight. Pinkie frowned and continued her gloomy staring contest with the floor. It was always unnerving to see Pinkie Pie sad. Twilight cringed when she recalled the time that the energetic pony turned sour when she thought they had forgotten her birthday.

Rarity offered her own idea: "Perhaps we could collaborate and host an event to raise some funds? I'm sure Pinkie can get a party with a fee large enough to make enough bits to pay for a couple of months..." Rarity had just announced the flaw in her own idea.

"Exactly: 'for a couple of months.' But how many parties can we throw? How many ways can we get that much money that fast? We can't throw a party every month. It just wouldn't cut it," Twilight replied. "We need a heavy flow of cash that'll last us long enough to pay for the whole duration of the treatment. I think... I think our best option would be to get a loan from the bank for now, Applejack." Twilight noticed that her idea had only seemed to affect Rainbow Dash, who furrowed a brow and looked up at Twilight with an inquisitive look. "We'll be in serious debt, but I think the six of us can pay it off with time i-"

"Let's rob a bank."

This time, the other four ponies turned their heads. Applejack turned around, mouth wide open, and stared at Rainbow Dash, who was standing up now. Twilight herself couldn't believe her ears for a second. She must have misheard Rainbow Dash.

"What did you say?" she asked, legitimately doubting that she heard correctly,

"You all heard me," Dash continued. "Let's. Rob. A. Bank." She paused between each word.

"Are you kidding me? Rainbow that is the most-"

"Possible way that Granny Smith will be saved." Twilight whirled around to see where the second deranged voice came from. Applejack was now standing up as well, her eyes full of hope.

"Wha-... I... Do you girls even understand what you're saying? You're not criminals, for Celestia's sake! What if we get caught? What if one of us gets hurt? What if we hurt somepony else?"

"What if we don't get the money?" Applejack asked. Twilight didn't have a response to that. True, they had no way to get the money. But robbing bank? Of all the stupid ideas that Rainbow Dash had come up with...

"Twi', I get that it sounds crazy. I ain't sayin' that we gotta rob a bank, but there's no way we're makin' this money by normal means. We need that money in two shakes of a colt's tail, and as of now... well, Rainbow Dash is on ta' somethin'."

Twilight wouldn't have it. "Applejack, do you understand that we could get hurt? Not only could we just mess up and not acquire the money, but we could put more ponies in the hospital. It defeats the point if we just make things worse by doing something like that."

"But see," Rainbow Dash said as she stepped in between Twilight and Applejack, "we wouldn't mess up. We're the Elements of Harmony, and I'd bet we're the closest friends in all of Equestria. Think about it Twilight, with my awesomeness..." Rainbow Dash pointed a hoof at her chest, "...your egghead..." Twilight scowled at Rainbow Dash. "...Applejack's muscle..." Applejack smiled and tipped her Stetson. "...Pinkie Pie's randomness..." Pinkie Pie, needless to say, looked as if she was about to explode from excitement with each passing moment. "Rarity's pickiness..." Rarity lacked a trace of eagerness, to Twilight's relief. "...and Fluttershy's... uh, Fluttershy-iness..." Fluttershy was backed up into a wall as she hid behind a curtain of pink hair. "...We can do it. No problems whatsoever."

"Well, I did recently read that somepony managed to steal almost a million bits not too long ago..." Fluttershy said, letting just one eye able to see past her mane.

"See? Even Fluttershy is with the plan. Rarity what do you think?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"...I'm not so sure, Rainbow Dash... I think Twilight's right. It's far too dangerous and I couldn't bear the tension. It's by no means a subtle solution... but it is a solution." Rarity's acquiesced, but Twilight felt as if she was losing support.

The librarian had one last resort. "P-...Pinkie, please tell me that-"

"LET'S DO IT!" Pinkie finally reverted back to her old self, bounding into the air. "It'd be like a big surprise party we throw for the bank! Except we get the presents! Can we get code names? I can be Stealie Pie! And Fluttershy can be FlutterLie! And Twilight could be--" Rainbow Dash popped a hoof into Pinkie's mouth to shut her up. Rainbow looked at Twilight and gave her the super annoying, smug grin of victory she has.

"I will not do it." Twilight said it quietly, but her response was so anticipated that they all heard her.

"We need ya', Twi'. You'd be able to plan this whole heist, and we couldn't do this without ya'." Applejack spoke in a softer tone, trying her best to ease Twilight into the idea.

"Good. Because I'm not doing it, and I don't think any of you should either." With that, Twilight turned around and made her way to the door, magically opened it, and slammed it shut behind her.

A brief moment had passed before the door reopened and Twilight trudged through the entrance, and rubbed a hoof on her temple.

"Get out of my library."

"How much do you reckon they have?" Applejack asked as she stared intently across the busy street.

"...I'd say they've got at least two thousand bits. Maybe even more. Pinkie, are you sure you can have it ready? We'll be out in less than five minutes."

"Cross my heart and hope to..."

Rainbow stopped listening to Pinkie after the first part of her pledge. She looked at Applejack, who was digging around in her saddle bag. The farm pony pulled out two black rags and handed one of them to Rainbow Dash. As soon as she touched it, she understood Applejack's intention. There was something heavy wrapped up in the black cloth. Rainbow Dash sneaked a quick peek at it.

It was a revolver. She had no questions, and only gave Applejack a reassured nod. Rainbow Dashed stuffed the revolver and black cloth into her saddle bag. The three were at a pony-walk across the street from the store. Just ten or so steps and they would commit a serious crime that would forever follow them for the rest of their lives.

"In and out," Rainbow Dash repeated for the billionth time. She beckoned Applejack to go first and cross the street. The timing was perfect--there weren't any ponies out that late at night and the store was empty.

"For Granny Smith," Rainbow whispered under her breath as they approached the entrance.

"For Granny Smith," Applejack replied, the two of them now right outside the entrance.

"FOR GRANNY SMITH!" Pinkie Pie screamed across the street.

The Proof

"No wait. You're the last pony that could lie to his face. You take it." Rainbow Dash handed the revolver to Applejack. "Try to dip your head below the aisle when I start talking to him. I'll be in about two minutes after you."

Applejack nodded and stuffed the weapon and dark rag into her saddle bag. Without saying anything else, she calmly entered the store. Rainbow Dash simply leaned against the building, staying out of view of the window so the shopkeeper couldn't see her. She heard Applejack and the clerk exchange greetings just before the door closed.

Rainbow gave a nod to Pinkie from across the street, who returned the gesture, teeming with energy. Pinkie disappeared around a corner in her search for some taxi to pick them up. She needed to be waiting around the corner of the block with a stallion, who would be oblivious to what's going on, ready to pull them to their escape. Rainbow knew she could count on Pinkie.

Deciding that two minutes had passed, Rainbow took a deep breath and entered the shop.

Before anything, she made eye contact with Applejack. Was that smart? Should Dash have pretended to be oblivious to Applejack? In any case, Dash's accomplice didn't seem to think so. The farm pony furrowed her brow and watched Rainbow Dash intently as she pretended to browse some canned food. She wasn't wearing her Stetson like usual; they both decided that it was too much of a memorable accessory for her to wear. In fact, Dash herself donned an elegant purple wig that took her some convincing to wear.

Dash gave the clerk a quick smile as he greeted her. She consciously avoided his eyes. She made her way to an aisle and blankly stared at some shampoo.

Now the whole plan had relied on one thing: the clerk's carelessness. Both of them had not put on masks before entering the shop because they needed to catch the clerk completely off guard. The moment they walked in with masks on, everypony in the building would know exactly what's going down, and there would be a huge commotion. And after a bit of thought, Applejack and Rainbow Dash agreed that they probably couldn't handle that situation.

Rainbow Dash moved further down the aisle. She tried to count any cameras she could see. She counted two--one behind the clerk, and one in the opposite corner. Just as they had planned, the cameras were the type that don't feed the recordings into a system somewhere else. They were big and bulky, with nothing attached to the camera aside from the wall mount. All the data was held within the camera itself. Rainbow Dash let her head droop down below the aisle. All she could see were locks of her purple wig swinging softly before her eyes.

She stopped moving about halfway down the aisle to think again. The plan was to isolate the clerk amongst the larger aisles--the tall ones a pony couldn't peek over--and rob him there. Pony A (Rainbow) was to ask the clerk for some assistance. She would lead him to the hidden aisles, where Pony B (Applejack in this case) would mask themselves and threaten the poor clerk with the revolver. The clerk would be instructed to go back to the counter, empty the register, and hand it all over to Pony A, who would follow him back to the counter. Any identifying characteristics were hidden. AJ's stetson and Dash's hair were both nonexistent. They both had also used colored tape on their cutie marks. Nevertheless, Pony B was to shoot the cameras just before booking it. Dash reassured herself that AJ should be Pony B. It was her revolver that she kept for the farm, so she should be the best with it. And Pony A would have to lie to the clerk to get him to go into the hidden away aisles... and Pony A could stand for Pony Awesome, of course.

The clerk was a central part of the plan. They both doubted he paid much attention to the average customer entering the store. They also hoped he didn't make any stupid moves. Above all, this robbery relied on the justice system of Equestria. The police definitely do hold searches for thieves, but if no pony was really hurt, and if the amount lost is small enough, no extensive searches would be made.

Sure, Twilight could come up with a better plan, but this plan was pretty cool. The robbery should be easy and quiet up until the cameras had to be destroyed. At first, Dash wanted to try the crazy way. She wanted to barge in and terrify the clerk into total submission. The temptation of the adrenaline was too much for her to refuse it. But AJ talked her into this quieter plan instead. When it came to anything else, Dash would have been stubborn. But this was pretty dangerous... there was a line to draw. Being stupid this time was too risky.

Dash peeked over the aisle to see Applejack. She caught the pony as she made her way to the large hidden aisle. Dash took the signal. She approached the counter, wearing what was probably one of the most forced-looking grins ever.

"Um... h-hi. I, uh, need help with your...soda. I don't know if the prices are right on them," Rainbow said.

"Certainly!" The clerk's eagerness made Dash wince.

"This way..." Dash's legs were shaking from nervousness on the way to the aisle. Her chest felt funny. It felt like she flew up really high and started to let herself fall. By the time she rounded the aisle, her face was sweating. She looked up and dropped her jaw.

AJ stood on her hind legs fumbling around with the mask. Apparently she couldn't get the mask on right. It was halfway on her face, so that it covered one eye and wrapped up into her upper jaw, making her speech muffled a bit. Upon noticing that Dash and the clerk were there, she snapped into position, mask halfway on, and held up the gun.

"Don'd moobe now..." she said in a low voice. Dash wasn't sure that AJ was seeing straight because the gun was pointed at some bags of dog food.

"A little to your left," Rainbow said. Applejack moved the gun a bit to meet the clerk's face.

"Thang you."

Rainbow Dash turned around to face the clerk. "Face the wall." She commanded.

The clerk's face was twisted into a look of fear. Dash could see that he was scared for his life. Yet she felt a little relief that he was too shocked to cry out.

"Pl-please don't..." he whimpered as he complied and faced the wall. He actually went as far to put his hooves against the wall.

Dash could see it. The pony truly believed the end of his life was upon him. The couple of seconds of eye contact the two made spoke endlessly to Rainbow. Tears streamed down from his eyes that were open wide, unblinking. They wouldn't dare blink in case of missing anything. They were alert, not pleading or sad. To be pleading in this situation would mean that he believed in the kindness and goodwill of Dash and Applejack. His eyes told Dash that he had no faith in justice--he believed he was dealing with two savages that would kill him without so much as a second thought. They were monsters to him. The clerk Applejack had at gunpoint was in fight or flight mode, actively anticipating his own death.

"D-don't look at us... we don't want to hurt you..." Dash's voice cracked a bit. She sounded scared too, and that seemed to make the clerk calm down a bit.

"We want this to be easy." Dash regained some confidence. She wanted this to be over quick, and there was no backing down. She stole a look at AJ. Applejack stood on her strong hind legs so she could hold the farm pistol. But her green eyes were wide open in shock, and the gun was madly shaking. She was freaking out. But then again, how else could the Element of Honesty react to committing such a dishonest crime? Rainbow herself nearly lost it by looking into the clerk's eyes, but she didn't forget Granny Smith at the hospital. Dash had to hurry before things got out of hand.

"You're going to go open the register and put it in a bag and give it to me. Don't even think about looking at us. We don't want to hurt you, so just make this easy. Please."

The clerk nodded and slowly put all four legs on the floor. He was trembling still, but he managed to get moving towards the register. Dash followed behind.

"Get to the door," she said to Applejack.

They were quiet enough to not attract any attention. None of the other ponies (Dash only counted two) in the store paid any attention. She heard the clerk sniffle a couple of times as she followed him.

"Don't look at us..." Rainbow reiterated.

He got behind the counter while Rainbow took position in front of it, acting like a customer. He opened the register, and emptied it out. While he did that, Rainbow noticed a large metal box in the very corner of the floor behind the counter.

"And, and open that too... give me half of what's in there." The clerk was about to look up at Dash, but Dash expected this. "Don't look."

His eyes reverted back down to the register. After he emptied its contents into a black plastic bag, he went over to the safe and fumbled around with the lock a bit before opening it. He was pretty quick, because no other customers noticed a thing as he hoisted himself up with a second bag. This bag was a lot plumper than the other one. He pushed them across the counter to Dash, and Dash took them. The two bags together were actually really heavy.

"Thanks," Dash said. She thought for a minute as she opened the contents of the bag to look inside. "I-...I'm sorry."

She called for Applejack who emerged from the aisle with the mask finally on right. Dash could see that she had been crying. Rainbow waited for her at the door. When she arrived she motioned at the two cameras.

Applejack stood on her hind legs again, and took aim. Rainbow Dash braced herself for the sound of the revolver. It rang out, and a little bit of hot air breezed passed Dash's purple bangs, forcing her to shut her eyes. When she opened them, she saw that all the shoppers had instinctively dropped down behind the aisles. The clerk disappeared under his aisle too, crying out loud this time. AJ had missed the camera by a full meter.

Without a word, Dash dropped the bits and snatched the revolver from her hooves, and pointed the gun firmly at the camera. She squeezed the trigger, and the camera exploded into a mess of plastic and wires. She took aim at the second camera, and hit that one even quicker. She was a natural of course. Normally she'd tease AJ a bit, but all she wanted to do was get the hell out. She tucked away the revolver, patted Applejack on the shoulder, and sprinted out the door. She turned to see if AJ was following, only to almost slam into AJ's face. The farmer was running faster than Dash had ever seen her run.

Using her wings a little, she kept up and they soon reached the corner.

They rounded the corner to find a desolate street. Pinkie was over five minutes late.

"Oh no..." Rainbow said aloud. Applejack was trembling so hard that she looked like the clerk.

She whirled around to peek over the corner down the street they had just sprinted down. A couple of officers were rushing to the shop. No...

A fire was burning in Rainbow's chest, fueled by her fear. It made its way into her throat. AJ took off her mask. She looked horrible. Just as Dash was about to try to fly them both out of there at her very best speed, she heard Pinkie's voice.

"OH YOU MEANT THAT CORNER?!"

Across the street, on the adjacent corner, Pinkie sat in a stallion-operated carriage. A relief like no other hit Rainbow Dash. The carriage quickly pulled up to them, and the two thieves scrambled into the back seats.

After the carriage turned into a busy street, Pinkie turned around from the front seats.

"Sooo, how did it--Oh." Pinkie stopped in the middle of her sentence. Her glee melted into concern as she saw how shocked both of the thieves looked.

Twilight was lost in a book when the door blew itself open. Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie marched in. Rainbow Dash threw the two bags at Twilight's hooves. They hit the ground with a thud. Golden bits spilled out of the bags.

"You wanted proof?" Twilight averted her eyes to Rainbow Dash. "There is your proof Twilight. All twelve thousand pieces of it. And with your help, we can turn that into enough to save a life."

Redux

Twilight stared blankly at the fat bag of bits until her mind could not create any other explanation for how Rainbow acquired them. Her final conclusion was the one she initially thought of, but Twilight refused to believe that explanation. She gave the trio the benefit of the doubt.

"Rainbow Dash. What did you do?" Her voice was cold—the kind of cold that was like a storm cloud on the approach, a rampage of anger thinly veiled by its quiet and calm demeanor from a distance. Dash winced at it. Twilight could see her eerie, calm attitude disturbed Dash. Still, she had her response ready.

"Not me. We did the only thing that's going to get Granny Smith the bits she needs, Twilight," Rainbow Dash said.

"Sweet Celestia, girls. No, this is not what she needs. I'm staring at three criminals before me and you're going to tell me this is what Granny Smith needs? What would she say? Hm? How would she react to her own granddaughter turning to crime?" Twilight demanded.

"Granny Smith wouldn't react at all, Twilight, she's stuck in a bed fighting for her life while we sit here and pretend there's some other way out of this!" Rainbow countered. This was quickly turning into an argument. "And besides, you wanted your proof that we could pull this off. Well here it is, we pulled it off while you sat here and read books all day."

"I never asked for any proof, Rainbow Dash, because it's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. It doesn't count for anything if we got the bits in the wrong way. You haven't really solved anything if you create more problems for everypony by fixing one!"

"Maybe we could use our inside voices for just right now?" Pinkie Pie added gently during the silence that followed.

For the first time since they came in, Twilight paid a bit more attention to Rainbow's accomplices (she was sure Dash was the instigator). Pinkie wasn't looking too cheerful. Now that she thought of it, Applejack hadn't made eye contact with her the whole time. And shouldn't Rainbow Dash have been way more smug? Twilight was able to see that these three ponies certainly didn't take any joy in doing whatever it is they did. In fact, it really looked like Applejack had been crying. It was apparent that they really were just doing it all for Granny Smith. But that didn't change how idiotic it was.

"I'm sorry," Twilight said in her inside voice. "It's just that this is very serious. Probably the most serious thing we've ever been through. I mean, we've been reduced to threatening ponies and robbing them of bits. Aside from that, you girls are putting yourselves in danger. I'm surprised the authorities haven't busted in to arrest you already."

"Exactly, Twilight. If we three dumb ponies can get away with it, I'm sure your egghead can plan even safer ways to pull this off," Rainbow said.

"No, don't even think for a moment that I'm going to take any part in this," Twilight said in a firm voice. She looked Pinkie and Dash in the eyes when she said that. Applejack was still staring at the floor. What had happened? "...besides... How did you do it? Where did you do it?"

"We held up a small store up in Canterlot," Rainbow answered.

"Yeah, and we used a taxi to pull us away. No one even knew! It was a total secret, Twilight," Pinkie added.

"Did you wear masks? Disguises?"

"Yes, we're not total doofuses, Twlight. I covered up my hair, Applejack ditched the hat, and we wore masks," Rainbow answered.

"What else did you use? How did you get the bits?"

Dash and Pinkie looked at each other nervously at this question. Oh no...

"We used this," Applejack finally spoke. She stepped up to Twilight's desk, removed something wrapped in a cloth, and plopped it on Twilight's desk. It hit the desk with a heavy thud. Twilight wasted no time in unwrapping it and gasping at what she found.

Guns were extremely rare in Equestria—they were a relatively new discovery that didn't have too many practical uses. Twilight had only seen one before and it had been at an invention exhibition while she studied at Celestia's school for gifted unicorns. Ponies couldn't really find a suitable use for the things and they were mainly used for clay plate contests and destroying buildings. Twilight had never heard of anypony being shot by one, nevertheless threatened by one. It was unthinkable and unprecedented. She stared at the metal, viewing it in a completely new light. It had a metal brace that a pony would stick their hoof through. It had a trigger within the brace and a second trigger on the side of the small piece, presumably for single and dual-hoof use.

"Where did you get this?"

"We keep it mainly for more dangerous varmints on the farm, just in case. We were raided by timberwolves some time before you came and decided it'd be good for our safety. We ain't really had the chance to use it, but Big Mac likes to go shootin' every now and then with it. Sometimes we need to break up old farmin' tools for parts, too. "

That made sense. With the power to destroy stuck metal rivets and screws for repairs, a gun was obviously lethally dangerous. "And you held this to somepony's face?"

Applejack flinched at that question. Twilight had everything but guessed what was bothering Applejack. She once again lost eye contact with Twilight as she said her next words.

"I love my Granny Smith more than I love buckin' apples, Twi'. She's family to me and nothin' beats enjoying a swelterin' hot day working in the sun with those you care most about, and I wouldn't trade anythin' for that. But I don't know if what we done is right. I didn't mean to scare no one, and that pony was scared for his life Twi'. How could I be alright knowin' that I was as dishonest as a pony can be? We couldn't even show our faces 'cause what we did was so terrible. That robbery was the biggest lie I've ever told. All I can think of now is how I'm a walkin' fib. How that pony will live in fear now 'cause of our lie." A silent tear streamed down her face. Her voice broke. "But you know what else, Twi'? It ain't that clear to me. This is 'bout as clear as black molasses 'cause despite what we did, we got the bits. Despite everything I've learned and held true, Twi', dishonesty is bringing the cows home. And that's been botherin' me. I just can't wrap my head around how bein' so bad has payed us back."

No pony said a word for a long time after Applejack confessed her feelings. Sometimes, truth was deafening. All they could do was dwell on Applejack's words, Granny Smith in her insidious condition, the clerk pony at the store, and what it meant to be a role model for everypony. There was no easy answer. Twilight wasn't even sure if there was an answer this time. It was like a multiple-choice test, but every answer was wrong in some way. Every choice the Elements had made had been simple. Discord versus order. Acceptance versus rejection. Friendship versus loneliness. But how could a pony possibly choose between family and morality?

"You should all get home," Twilight finally said, massaging her head—a feeble gesture in the face of her developing migraine. "I don't think I'm really mad at you girls. I'm just mad at the circumstances. I think we all are. This is tough, but I know we can get through it. The only thing I think we're all sure of is that we will not sit and do nothing while Granny Smith suffers. We're running out of time and options, so I understand why you girls did that, as crazy as it is. But that doesn't mean we're all out of options. I'm going to go ask for loans at a bank tomorrow, so we can at least increase our time. We should get Granny Smith in good health as soon as possible so we can worry about paying for all of it later."

There seemed to be no objections to that as another silence fell upon the room. Twilight made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with robbing anyone.

"Okie-dokie-lokie," Pinkie Pie said, offering a small smile.

"Alright then. I guess we'll be leavin' now," Applejack said, picking up the gun and wrapping it back up. With that, the three mares exchanged their farewells with Twilight and left her treehouse.

Twilight sat back in her seat, staring at the mixture of open books and notes on her desk, her eyes tired and her perseverance exhausted.

Eight hours later, Twilight sat in the same spot, her eyes exhausted and her perseverance broken. Her quest to acquire a loan proved to be useless.

We don't just hand out loans here, silly filly, the teller had told Twilight. We're an established credit union—the last thing we would do is hand out loans of that size to any pony who asks. We'd love to help you, but only once you've become a trusted client, the teller had said with a grin. How else could we feasibly insure all our funds?

"Oh, horseapples!" Twilight cried out in frustration. There was no way somepony could produce half a million bits within a couple of weeks! No one could loan them the cash, no fundraiser they set up could touch that amount, and the hospital needed at least 20,000 to even begin the series of operations. They couldn't even come up with that. Twilight eyed the spilled bag of bits. It seems as if they had forgotten it there last night. Judging by the size of the bag, there must have been around 13,000 bits in there. Still not enough to pay for the operation alone. This was truly a conundrum.

She shuffled through the array of books on her desk, brainstorming for an answer. With a glaring problem to every answer she could think of, Twilight finally sat back in frustration. That's when her eye caught a book on one of her shelves. A History of Heists: Organized Crime in Equestria.

Insured funds, huh... Twilight thought. She stuffed her face in a book and let out a solid two-second groan. With a sigh, she used her magic to bring the book to her desk.

THWACK!

A platoon of apples fell to the floor.

THWACK!

A few more apples bounced onto the dirt.

THWACK

This time, no apples fell from the tree. Despite this, Applejack gave the tree another smash, her mind completely somewhere else.

"Applejack!"

THWACK!

"Applejack!"

THWACK!

"APPLEJACK!"

"Huh?!" Applejack looked up, finally. Twilight Sparkle stood on her hind legs, leaning over the wooden fence.

"Are you alright?" Twilight asked with a concerned look.

Applejack looked at the tree. It leaned hideously away from her, two white spots where the tree's bark had been blasted away.

"Erm, yeah, I'm doin' fine." Applejack could see Twilight didn't believe a word of it. Shoot, Applejack herself was having a hard time believing a word out of her own mouth.

"Well, cheer up because I've decided to help."

"...Wh-"

"I had two choices: family or morality," Twilight continued. "I figured choosing morality doesn't make sense, since it's intrinsically immoral to abandon your family when you could have helped. As such, I have decided to choose fami—please be gentle!" was all Twilight said before she braced herself for an Applejack racing at her full speed. A second later, Applejack crashed into her, hugging Twilight in a full embrace.

"Thank you, Twi'."

Author's Note

I apologize for my brief three-year break. I came back to this site after having nearly forgotten about it, and seeing all the people who wanted to see this to its end has definitely given me the drive to finish it. Thanks so much for your support, comments, and critiques!

xen

Total Rule

No one really knew where Total Rule came from. No one questioned it either. When he became Chief of the Manehattan Police Department, however, one thing was for sure: Crime rates plummeted. With Total Rule's inauguration, crimes came to a cease in the city of Manehattan. Not that they were very high to begin with, but the occasional robbery or break-in did occur every now and then. But when the department found a middle-aged beast of a stallion sitting in the Chief's seat one morning, that all stopped.

One officer did dare to ask Total Rule where he came from that day. The gray, towering stallion simply replied, "Get out of my face." That isn't to say, however, that his position was illegitimate. Some higher-ups, on paper, did elect Total Rule to replace the previous Chief, who had retired. Yet nopony asked about Total Rule's past again after the first incident.

Total Rule was cold towards any other pony, but he was definitely a worthy Chief. He ruled with an iron fist, increasing the patrol runs the department was required to make and training his officers himself. He met any crime with a zero-tolerance policy and cracked down on any officers that became complacent. Once he found out about a pony who let a speeding ticket slide and he promptly stripped that officer of his badge on the spot. Any kind of gossip ceased in the office when all the ponies found out about Total Rule's near-supernatural hearing. He was a large, hulking earth pony, who was almost as tall as an alicorn. He wore a constant frown, which would twist into a grimace when he was particularly angry. His mane was shaved off in a buzz-cut and his tail hair was also shaved, leaving his actual tail completely bare. The rope-like stump was a bit difficult to see because of the leather coat Total Rule always wore, however. Nopony had seen his cutie mark.

Total Rule sat behind his desk, which gave him an omniscient view of the office. He intensely studied what everypony was doing. If anypony was doing anything that didn't sit 100% well with him, he would yell at them from across the office. So far, the ponies had adjusted well to his rule, hustling to sort papers and communicate with ponies that were on patrol over the radio. The Deputy in Chief, second in command, spoke to the side of Total Rule's face.

"Your experimental squadron has been properly equipped now, sir. They are set to begin training tomorrow at 0900 hours, sir," the Deputy said.

Total Rule only nodded in response, not turning to look at the Deputy.

"What are they fidgeting about?" Total Rule asked the Deputy instead. The Deputy followed Total Rule's piercing eyes to a group of officers huddled over a desk.

"Go find out," Total Rule ordered before the Deputy could respond. Without hesitation, the Deputy trotted over to question the group. Total Rule didn't believe that yelling would have been constructive, as everypony was doing their job and yelling would only interrupt the workflow. A moment later, the Deputy returned.

"It seems as if the same youngsters are street racing down 7th and Trot again, sir."

"The same ones that have received three citations?" Total Rule calmly asked.

"I believe so, sir."

Total Rule grunted in response. He then rose out of his chair, towering a good six inches over the Deputy, who already stood at a respectable height. The loud chatter in the office lowered to a murmur. It wasn't often that Total Rule got up out of his chair. He moved briskly to the office's exit and left into the night.

Twenty minutes later, Total Rule stood at the intersection of 12th and Trot, a particularly stoic look on his face. A cigarette glowed softly between his lips. Down the empty midnight street of Manehattan, he could hear a very faint cheering. Must have been about 7 blocks away. The sound of whooshing air was becoming more prominent, however. Soon enough, Total Rule could hear the flutter of pegasi wings approaching him. On cue, Total Rule slowly sauntered over the the middle of the street and waited.

About ten seconds later, a pegasus rounded the corner of the street, bolting down the middle of the road. The pegasus had been flying so fast that he hardly had time to see Total Rule before he was caught by the neck. In a flash, the pegasus went from soaring down the street to being slammed onto the pavement of the road. He let out a desperate yelp as he felt Total Rule's weight stack on top of him. The Chief quickly twisted the pegasus' hoof and wing back into a tight lock. By then, another three racers had caught up and stopped before their incapacitated friend.

"Hey what the hell, man? Let him go!" One of the stallions demanded.

"You're all under arrest. This will not go on," Total Rule said, keeping the pegasus hostage. "Three citations is enough. If I could write the laws, you'd all have been jailed on the first offense. No matter. I still get the satisfaction of throwing you delinquents in jail."

"You think a night in the slammer is going to stop us, you old rag? Pffft. We'll just race another day, another place, and you're not going to stop that, twat," the same stallion shot back.

"He doesn't mean that sir, this'll be the last time we race I swear!" the pegasus under Total Rule's lock pleaded. At this moment, Total Rule looked up at the faces of the delinquents. He stared at each one, almost as if he was appraising each one.

They won't stop.

Total Rule looked down at the pegasus. "You're right."

He eased his grip on the pegasus.

"You won't ever race again."

A sickening crunch came from the pegasus' wing. Instantly, the pegasus wailed in pain. Total Rule rose up from the racer, watching the pony twist and writhe in agony on the floor. The pony's left wing was horribly twisted out of place, nearly pointing completely backwards, flapping erratically as the pegasus loudly sobbed.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" the stallion who talked back to Total Rule cried out as he charged him.

Total Rule spit out his cigarette and let a smile find its way onto his face before turning his back on the charging pegasus. He aimed, waited, and gave the pegasus a thunderous kick to the chest right before he crashed into him. The force was enough to not only stop the stallion dead in his tracks, but to send him sailing back onto the pavement. The only noise that came from the pegasus was a futile gasping for air. Pegasi were so fragile. Total Rule must have broken his sternum, knocking the wind out of the pegasus. It wouldn't kill him, however. Total Rule aimed a tad lower to miss the pegasus' head to ensure that.

He stared silently at the other two racers. Two ponies moaned in absolute pain into the night at Total Rule's hooves. The two other pegasi looked at each other before wordlessly agreeing to drop and lay on the floor and wait to be taken to jail by Total Rule.

There would be no consequences for Total Rule, as he was the creator of consequence himself. Nopony would question why two of the suspects were horribly maimed. On paper, Total Rule was simply defending himself from assault from a suspect in custody. In Total Rule's playground, nothing never went his way.