The Sexiest Man in Equestria

Hello! My name is Zephyr Arvrkar(weird name, I know). And I am currently the only human in Equestria, the magical land of talking, humanoid ponies. And I mean 'magical' in the most literal way possible, here. If it wasn't for magic, I wouldn't even be here. See, there was this guy named Discord, who was basically their version of Loki, except he was a like the platypus's great-granddaddy, with every one of his body parts from a different creature. Apparently, he was imprisoned in stone, and when he busted out, he cast a summoning spell to try and find an equally chaotic creature to help him. And while I agree that humans are pretty chaotic, he kinda got screwed with me, since I'm really not. Granted, I've done some pretty stupid things, but I wasn't about to just start making people's, or in this case, ponies', lives difficult just because some dude with phenomenal cosmic power demanded it from me. So, once he was back to being a garden ornament, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, the rulers of Equestria, let me stay with Twilight Sparkle, Celestia's student, since they couldn't send me back home themselves.

Now, here's where things get really weird for me, as if all this wasn't strange enough. It turns out the four subspecies of pony, unicorn, pegasus, earth pony, and alicorn(they have wings and a horn) aren't the only sentient creatures around. In fact, they aren't even the only mythological creatures around. Within a month of my arrival, I had had a minotaur, two griffons, a dragon, and three zebras come to the town I was staying in, Ponyville, for the express purpose of meeting me and finding out about me. But wait, it gets even more bizarre! All of these creatures, no matter what their bodies should have looked like according to the myths of home, had distinctly humanoid bodies, wore various kinds of clothes, and walked on two legs. This was especially apparent when the second griffon showed up, because she was a female.

And she had tits.

Big, round, feathery tits.

I was not prepared for that. I wound up staring right at them, until she decided to comment on it. Fortunately, I managed to avoid any more social blunders like that.

Of course, living in a town of ponies, the question of dietary needs came up rather quickly. Unsurprisingly, the fact that I eat meat was, well, less than pleasant to them. Poor Fluttershy fainted right off the bat when I mentioned it. Most of the townsponies, obviously, weren't exactly thrilled about this, and typically avoided me as much as possible for quite a while. Eventually, though, they all seemed to figure out that I wasn't going to start chopping them up one by one, and I eventually became 'just another neighbor' for most of them.

Then came the day I went to the spa. I had found that most ponies weren't very good at anything beyond their special talent, or associated skills, and there weren't any 'general maintenance'-type ponies in town. Which meant that lots of the ponies had leaky roofs, bad plumbing, creaky floorboards, or various other small problems that basically just fell outside the purview of anyone in town. So, since I didn't want to just live off Twilight's food for the rest of my life, I started my own business to fix these sorts of things, made some money, and bought my own place. Obviously, this sort of work takes a lot of time, effort, and hard work. So, on one particularly rough day, I decided to pay a visit to the local spa, run by the twins Aloe and Lotus. What I didn't realize is that those two have no problems giving certain customers who catch their eye a 'special treatment'. The trip started out as I expected; bath, steam room, massage, but while Aloe was working my back, I suddenly found myself looking at Lotus' naked body in front of me, and before I could fully comprehend what was going on, her mouth was working mine while Aloe's was working my cock. By the end of my visit, I had ejaculated at least three times, and after that, I had the idea of sex with ponies stuck on my mind. So, it wasn't surprising when I actually started noticing that almost every mare in Ponyville acted like they were in a porno while they were alone with me. Up to that point, I had been simply drowning myself in work, trying not to think about the fact that I would probably never go home, and therefore not paying any attention when various mares had tried to come onto me. After the spa, though, I was fully aware of their attempts to get in my pants.

Now, most people would probably think that this sort of thing is disturbing, unnatural, yadda, yadda. But me? I'm all for experimentation of almost any kind. Especially sexual. So, when I was working on fixing the door to Berry Punch's wine cellar, and she asked if I could come over for a 'private tasting' later in the week while bending at the waist and giving me a great view of her cleavage, I had no problem rearranging the few schedule items I had for that night. Obviously, her kid was staying over at a friend's house that night, and we both tasted a lot more than just wine. This happened with a couple other mares, as well, but it was after making Lyra cum so hard she had to use a pillow to muffle the scream that something different happened. I helped clean up the mess, as always, went home, as always, and went to sleep just the same way I always did: laying on my left side with my back to the wall. When I woke up, however, I was laying on my right side, and the wall was much further from me than it should have been. Also, the edge of the bed was significantly further from me than should have been possible, considering that it was out of my reach from where I lay. All this was surprising enough, but the big shocker was when I rolled over, and found myself looking into a pair of big, teal eyes, and pressing against a pair a big, blue-furred breasts, which happened to belong to Princess Luna herself. I already knew she was the Princess of the Night and whatnot, so it didn't surprise me when she told me I was still dreaming. Nor did it surprise me when she revealed that she knew all about my late-night activities with the mares of Ponyville. What did surprise me, however, was the fact that she wanted some action, too. This was unexpected for two reasons: one, she is smoking hot. Celestia may be more well-endowed, but Luna carries herself far better. Two, she had an entire castle filled with, young, strong, most likely exceptionally virile, guards, who already took vows of service to both of them. Her reasoning, however, was more than sound. She is the Princess, after all, so there is always the risk that anypony she might ask to join her would take advantage of that in the political realm, using a one-night-stand to gain leverage over any number of other influential individuals. I, however, had already decided to stay as far away from politics as possible, and she knew it, so the likelihood of me pulling that kind of stunt was already negligibly low. And even if I did, what member of their government would bother doing anything I say? So of course, once all the explanations were out of the way, I had no problem giving Luna everything she could have asked for in a wet dream. And now, it's a regular thing for us.

As time went on, there were various other events that sent the entire town into a frenzy of activity, but that didn't stop me from getting more than my fair share of action. I've even been with three of the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony: Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie. But there's one mare in particular who I've been wanting to pleasure for a while now. One who I owe a great deal to, that I want to repay the best way I know how. In fact, if it weren't for her, I probably would've completely lost my mind within the first week I spent here.

Twilight Sparkle, prepare for the best night of your life.